Women may encounter a situation where the husband does not know how to drink, and because of this, problems begin in the family. Because of alcohol, a husband may not only fail to fulfill his duties, but also insult his wife. Because of this behavior, more than one couple divorced, and in some cases it was possible to save the family. It is enough to know how to behave correctly if your husband is on a drinking binge and behaves inappropriately.

The essence of the problem

Unfortunately, now women are often faced with the fact that their husband drinks and does not spend the night at home. Of course, such behavior cannot be considered normal, and the wife has to be constantly nervous if close person Drinks alcohol all day long. Because if he’s gone for the whole night and doesn’t make himself known, then thoughts arise about whether everything is okay with him, because he’s drunk.

An alcoholic in a family can behave differently: some are able to control themselves, even going on a binge, while others drive their spouse to divorce. But in any case, a drunkard brings grief to his loved ones, because taking ethanol is harmful, and gradually the person kills himself.

It is much worse if the husband drinks and begins to humiliate the woman, and this happens regularly. Often because of this, the wife leaves, because she is not ready to tolerate someone who drinks and is aggressive at the same time. But there are also spouses who are devoted to a man, love him and therefore tolerate drunken antics. It is especially difficult for them, because it is impossible to endure a husband calling him names and still remain happy.

It is important to know what to do if your husband drinks and abuses you. Because if you take certain measures, then there is a chance to restore normal relationships and save the family.

If he insults

Having gone on a binge, for a week or a month, a person’s behavior becomes less and less adequate every day. And the more he drinks, the more problems he causes. Some become aggressive and cannot control their emotions, which are much more pronounced when drunk.

Because of this, the drinking husband begins to humiliate his wife, calls her names and tries in every possible way to bring her to tears. If something like this happened once, then you need to try to forget about what happened. It’s good if the spouse admitted his guilt and apologized, promising not to repeat this. Perhaps he will keep his word and won’t have to part with him.

However, if a person drank almost every day and regularly insulted, then any patience will not be enough. The easiest thing would be to file for divorce so that you don’t have to endure humiliation and suffer because of it. But the situation becomes more complicated if there is a common child or several children. Then the woman has reasons to want to save the family and return love. You should remember that if your husband swears, you nag him in response, then nothing good will come of it. A wise woman knows that aggression will not achieve the desired result.

What to do:

• Do not be rude in response, do not call names or try to humiliate.
• Do not interrupt, do not leave, listen with a calm expression on your face.
• Do not use force, as even a slap in the face can provoke a man to commit violent acts.
• Try not to shout, you can raise your voice a little if necessary.
• There is no point in explaining anything in a fit of anger. You need to wait until your husband cools down and only then try to talk to him.

However, if such behavior does not help, and you only managed to achieve a break between drinking sessions, then you should think about whether you need to live with such a person.

It may be time to walk away and stop fighting for the relationship.

If he cheats

It is not uncommon for a husband to go out after drinking a large dose of alcohol. You can suspect cheating if the spouse did not spend the night at home for one or several days, and also began to consistently stay late at work or not come to his wife at all. Of course, you shouldn’t immediately conclude that he has another girlfriend, because he can only spend time with friends. However, if it seems that he has started to take a walk, then it is worth looking for evidence.

But first you need to decide for yourself whether you want to know the truth or whether it will be easier to pretend that nothing happened. Because if it really turns out that he cheated once or is often unfaithful, then the relationship will not be the same.

How to behave:

• Try to understand what prompted him to cheat. Perhaps the wife became cold, feelings faded, relationships deteriorated due to scandals. However, you should not get carried away by justifying your husband, because cheating for any reason is an unworthy act.
• Don't throw a tantrum, don't cry or beg. Even if he stays with you out of pity, this will not make the couple happy. If he fell in love with another, then you shouldn’t keep him.
• When filing for divorce, you don’t need to change your mind because of persuasion and gifts. Remember that if you cheated once, you will betray you a second time. If you are not ready to put up with this, then there is no point in staying in a relationship with an unfaithful person.
• If you decide to forgive, then never remember what happened and do not reproach.
• Make a requirement that he undergo treatment for alcohol addiction if he wants to stay at home.

In general, we can say that a wandering husband should not be tolerated, unless the woman herself is prone to cheating. Because unfaithful men rarely correct themselves; at best, they pretend to be good for a while.

Fighting addiction

When the problem is alcoholism, then it is important to overcome this disease in order to improve relationships. It will not be enough to say “don’t drink”; you will need to take certain measures.

A woman needs to be prepared to go through a difficult path, because the fight against addiction is difficult for everyone.

You can try to overcome cravings for alcohol at home. To do this, you first need to decompose the substances. A person should not even allow himself to drink sometimes, so as not to relapse. You need to improve your diet and use vitamins to normalize the functioning of your body.

Folk remedies can be used as a supplement, but not as the main method of treatment. Because healing decoctions can support the functioning of organs, but are not effective enough to combat addiction. Therefore, you should use medications if you want to achieve a positive result.

As a last resort, you will need to go to a clinic where you can fight your cravings for alcohol. Specialists will help a person recognize the presence of a problem, and also set them up to resist addiction. The clinic puts in IVs and prescribes medications that can help. Doctors closely monitor a person’s condition, and they will really help overcome alcoholism.

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D Good afternoon, our dear visitors!

Should a wife tolerate her husband's assault? Should I endure my husband’s assault or should I leave him? What does the Lord expect from a woman in such cases: obedience and humbly carrying her Cross, or the woman leaving her family to save her life?

The Holy Fathers teach us to take the choice of a future husband or wife very seriously. During the wedding, it is worth paying close attention to how our chosen one or chosen one relates to God, to faith, and to church life. It is worth taking a closer look at how our chosen ones treat their parents and ours. Also, the holy fathers strongly advise not to rush to tie the knot, but to pray a lot and ask the Lord to either unite us in holy marriage, if we are saved while married, or take marriage or marriage away from us, if He wishes in advance it is known that our marriage will be unhappy.

How are we? Girls strive to marry just anyone, and all because they simply do not trust God and are afraid of remaining unmarried. Moreover, they don’t even just marry the first person they meet, but also someone who, already during the marriage, beats them, drinks, and insults both his and her parents. Such unreasonable girls naively and stupidly believe that with their love, attention and care, they can change the evil character of their chosen ones and will change them. And then, having already become wives, they despair and think about begging their husbands, leave them, and run away from them in fear for their lives. So who is to blame for what happened? It is their own fault that they took on the feat beyond their strength.

There was such a case. One woman had a fierce and evil husband. He drank and beat his wife every day. And this went on for many years. The poor woman did not leave her husband, but prayed incessantly, asking God to save her husband’s perishing soul. One day her husband hit her so hard that she fell ill and died. She was buried. And so, when her husband stood next to her grave, he suddenly realized his terrible sin! He threw himself on the grave of his poor wife and wept bitterly! So he lay on the grave for three days, constantly crying and complaining bitterly. Then he got up and went home a completely different person. He was left alone. But he no longer drank, but spent all his time in prayer and fasting. He became the most humble and God-fearing. Many, years later, did not even believe that this handsome old man, humble and meek, was once a tyrant and despot in the family. This is how the poor woman saved herself and her husband. But there are few great women like her, martyrs, prayer books, who would lay down their souls for the salvation of the souls of their husbands. We are running from our Cross, but Elder Archimandrite John Krestyankin said: “They don’t come down from the Cross, they take them off it.”

Priest Dimitry Sinyavin writes:

"E There are many cases when husbands, through the prayer of their wives, changed, corrected their lives, and, by the grace of God, life in these families became happy. My father, about 30 years ago, advised a woman to endure and pray for her husband, who was inadequate when he was drunk and ran after her with an ax. She endured him for 10 years and prayed and believed. Now they have been living very well for about 20 years, happily, in perfect harmony. Let me give you another example. One man drank heavily and beat everyone. Every day, both his children and his wife prayed for him with tears on their knees in front of the icons. One day the Lord awakened the conscience of this man, and he could not even withstand the remorse of his conscience, took a new rope and went to the attic to hang himself. But the rope broke. On his 3rd attempt to hang himself, a demon appeared to him in a terrible, scary form and told him to pull the piece of iron out of his pocket, as it was bothering him. This man quickly got down from the attic and ran to his wife and fell on her knees and asked for forgiveness. His wife forgave him, and they began to live happily. This man became not only good father, a husband, but also a believer. That piece of iron was a cross that his wife sewed into his pocket for him to wear, and it saved his life. I can give more examples, but I think this is enough. The Apostle Paul writes that a non-believing husband is sanctified by a believing wife. The Apostle Paul writes in the sense that wives should not leave their husbands if they have come to faith and their husbands have not. The Lord Himself said that if a person has faith, then everything is possible to the believer. The Lord can do anything. If the Lord converted Saul, who was an ardent and zealous persecutor of Christians, to the Christian faith, and became a great apostle, we call him the supreme apostle Paul. Yes, we don’t have that faith in our time, so we come down from the cross and receive several crosses. Instead of praying fervently, strengthening our faith, and receiving a miracle from God, it is easier and more convenient for us to simply walk away and leave the sick person. Every person has freedom, the Lord Himself does not violate it, therefore he can do as he pleases. I know that the Lord will never give a cross too heavy to bear, and there is a way out everywhere, and God can always create a miracle, if only we have faith in us. The Lord Himself said about the last times that when He comes, will He find faith on earth? I don't blame women who leave their husbands. I just want to show another way, more perfect and correct. If I, a priest, had written differently, I would have confused other people who had stricter views on life.”

Of course, there are many human destinies, like the sand of the sea, and we do not set ourselves the task of bringing everything under one brush. No, only sacrificial, highly spiritual, strong people can tolerate others and beg for their offenders. Not like us: selfish and weak, thinking only about our own salvation, only about ourselves, and not able to sacrifice ourselves for the salvation of our neighbor.

It happens that a wife must leave her husband, who beats both her and the children, and the Church can bless this. But before you go, ask yourself whether at the beginning of your family life, did you ever think that his end would be so sad? Why did you suffer such a punishment as a cruel husband? Maybe because you did not preserve your virginity before marriage, as you should and were obliged to preserve? Maybe because they didn’t want to burden themselves with having children, because it’s complicated, difficult, and painful, and they settled on one or two children?

Almost most women have one or, at most, two children, and they do not want to give birth anymore because it is difficult and burdensome. If a woman does not want to accept from God the opportunity to become a mother of many children, then the Lord will not leave her, and will save such a woman not through childbearing, as is natural for any woman, but through the patience of a cruel husband. After all, we can be saved only through suffering, only through the humble bearing of our saving Cross, for only through the narrow gates must we enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

I know women who give birth every one and a half to two years. Yes, it’s hard for them, yes, you can forget about your figure, yes, there are sleepless nights, yes, among the everyday worries about children, there is no time to think about yourself, so you spin all day long, like a squirrel in a wheel. But the husbands of such mothers with many children are faithful and caring. And among those women who avoid childbearing, who are afraid of having many children, who are faint-hearted and afraid to give birth because of the difficulties of life, who do not trust in God, who love themselves more than want to please God - those women, as a rule, have husbands cruel ones who beat their wives and do not love them. Well, such women love themselves for both, and will not allow themselves to be insulted. For example, recently, the twelfth child was born in one family. Twelfth! And you, dear women, how many children do you have? What Cross do you bear for your salvation? After all, each of us has our own Cross, by bearing which we can be saved, and each of us has exactly the Cross that we deserve and which we can bear, for the Lord never gives a Cross beyond our strength.

Sometimes you look and see how husbands ask their wives to give birth to children for them, but they refuse because they are afraid that they do not have enough money and strength to raise and raise a child. Sometimes you hear a wife publicly insult her husband: you’re a fool, so-and-so, you don’t know how to work, you don’t earn money, and look, Petya’s wife already drives her own car, and you, idiot, I don’t even want mink coats did not buy! Is that really possible? What kind of husband, after such words, will not fall into despair, will not start drinking, and then beating his wife, the one who did not believe in him, the one who did not support him when he fell, did not lend a helping hand?

The influence of a woman on a man is incredibly huge. One very rich man, when asked what he would like to become if he had not become what he became, replied: “I don’t care what I become. If only my wife was next to me, the one who believed in me all these years even when no one believed in me.” If a wife supports her husband, believes in his strength and is content with what her husband can give her, then such a husband is unlikely to hit his wife, because he sees her as a friend and helper; for him, his wife is part of his “I”, so why should he beat himself?

Before getting married, you need to think very seriously about why you are getting married, can you endure the sorrows of family life, are you able to sacrifice yourself for the sake of your husband? Before tying yourself to the unbreakable bonds of marriage, you should behave with dignity with your future husband even during the dating period, you should understand, talk, discuss whether you have a unity of views, whether you have common interests. You must preserve your virginity more than anything else! And if you lived with your future husband in fornication before marriage, and then got married, then be prepared for sorrows, with the patience of which you can only pray out your sin of fornication and premarital cohabitation.

One priest said that a husband begins to drink and beat his wife not because of her pies and tender care, and if this happens, then the reason should be looked for in yourself. If your conscience is clear and you are not guilty of anything, then God chose you for the sake of saving the unfortunate soul of your husband, so that with your love and meekness you would save his immortal soul.

There is such a parable. One day our Lord Jesus Christ was walking along with His disciples. They had no food. They met a man with bread and water. The disciples asked this man to give them a little bread, since they had been on the road for a long time and their strength had weakened, and the journey was still long. But the man shouted at them: “Get away from me, you ragamuffins, before I set the dogs on you!” The students moved on. Then they met a beautiful girl carrying a jug of water. She saw the tired appearance of the travelers, gave them water to drink and warmed them with warm words. When the disciples and the Lord went some distance away, they asked: “Teacher! What will life be like for this kind and beautiful girl? To this the Lord told them: “She will marry that fierce man.” The students were saddened and asked in bewilderment why the poor girl was being punished like this? The Lord said: “Her kind heart will save the immortal soul of her fierce husband, and she herself will give the crown of martyrdom.”

This article contains general features. Indeed, everyone has their own destiny, and what you should do in a given situation is up to you, dear women, to decide. When a husband allows himself to beat his wife, this means that in this situation he may be a spiritually sick person who does not control his actions, and this can be dangerous to the life and health of both his wife and children. In this case, there will be no sin if the wife leaves her husband for the sake of her children, so as not to traumatize their psyche. It should be remembered that true love does not get irritated, forgives everything and never ceases, it is eternal. Church rules do not prohibit the dissolution of a marriage and the separation of spouses in cases where there has been infidelity, as well as where there is a threat to the life of the wife and children, and where one of the spouses turns out to be mentally abnormal. We do not advise women who are forced to endure their husband’s assault not to leave him, or, on the contrary, to endure it. But we advise you to act in such a way that your conscience is clear and calm, that you did everything in your power to save your husband. We advise poor women who bear such a heavy Cross to pray more, take communion more often and do good to people.

I understand your situation. Mine also drinks beer, but not every day. I just sometimes set conditions for him, and he listens to them. Try it, it might work. Good luck to you.

Honestly, the situations are similar, like twins, mine is about the same. The husband says that he loves him, that he will definitely leave him, but everything is useless - just words, his daughter sees him like this. He becomes an absolute idiot as soon as he drinks, but when sober he is the smartest guy. It’s probably right to think more about yourself and your child, try to build your life, but it’s incredibly difficult. Sometimes you want to howl out of despair. We talk to him about the second child, trying to convince him that it is necessary at least relatively healthy image We both need to lead our lives, not just me, because we also need to raise a child. But it doesn’t penetrate like 15 yet year old teenager, afraid of losing her fictitious authority, how can a woman obey, they will laugh. It’s nonsense, but I want to pull him out of this abyss, his health is already failing, there is a suspicion of an ulcer, but I can’t pull him out.

I read and think that there are so many of us with one problem. I have known my husband since childhood. He drinks every day - his father drank the same way. died at 51. No amount of persuasion helps. It seems to me that his development stopped at the age of 16. friends, vodka beer, that's all. Thank God - it works. His boss is the same. My first husband was a drug addict; she left him more than 20 years ago. after he began to offer to inject himself with him. I lived alone with two children for 7 years. and then I met my first love and got married. She gave birth to a third child. many will say = stupid. Probably. but you have to live.

Hello, I also want to ask for advice. My husband and I have been together since we were 15, 6 years. I love him so much. he drinks from 1.5 to 4 liters of beer every day after work, and on weekends he has a blast. Moreover, he believes that you should drink like this, that is, until you are completely cut off. If he got drunk before, he used to beat him, but now, thank God, he’s stopped, but it’s still not very pleasant. friends say re-educate, but I don’t know how. he doesn't listen to me. even when I left him and left, I still didn’t stop flogging him

you yourself do not feel sorry for your child. nightmare. It seems to me that if a woman cannot protect her child from such a picture, then there is no need to give birth until you understand that you yourself would not want to grow up in such a family. these are your personal complexes that better than men can not found. As long as there are such women who are ready to endure it, there will be such men and children will grow up in accordance with what they have seen in life. girls will look for men who drink, and boys will start doing this themselves.
Excuse me for being harsh. but very often I saw what this leads to and very often I saw that when a woman really wants a good family, she will always find it. And if you like it, it hurts, so it will always be like that.

Please tell me what to do if my husband drinks and abuses me mentally. I can’t leave her, the child is holding me, I don’t want to leave my daughter without a father. Yes, and there is one more problem, I don’t want to return to the village to my mother, I have no prospects there. And I'm only 20 years old.

There are so many of us. My husband also drinks a lot, either beer, wine, or gin. I see him sober 1-2 times a week. The child is one year old, together for 3 years. This didn’t happen from the beginning, it started when I got pregnant. Before it was generally scary, but now it’s somehow calmer. The worst thing is that he doesn’t realize that the problem already exists, he thinks that everything is fine, and I’m finding fault. He says that this is how he relaxes. And in order to relax, he needs to drink not a bottle of beer or a glass of wine, but get drunk until he stops thinking.
I decided for myself that I would fight this for another year while I was on maternity leave, and then I would send it all away. I’m almost ready for this mentally, at least I’m preparing myself.
I’m also thinking about going to a psychologist together and signing him up for boxing, so that he can decompress emotionally.

Yes, all the familiar stories are eerily similar to mine.
I’ve been married for 5 years, my husband drinks beer by the liter during the week, and spends all his money on the weekend until he drops. He doesn’t consider himself an alcoholic. I’m just very tired, I don’t know what to do, I’ve also been laid off at work.
I'm mentally preparing to retreat.

Yes, I have a similar story, my husband was coded different ways but the result is the same. I bought very expensive drops and tablets at the beginning, then they decided to get an injection. They injected something nasty into a vein, it lasted for 2 months somewhere. Then the most armor-piercing ampoule was sewn into the buttock, it lasted 10 months, this is the happiest time. Now he drinks a lot. Also, by the way, strong drinks are not very good, but the beer won’t go down yet. I wonder if there is any method, but in reality a person will quit if he wants to. The desire of his beloved wife is not enough.

Girls, I understand you. I'm in the same situation myself. Sober is golden, but when you get drunk, your eyes won’t look. He doesn't swear, doesn't hit, doesn't insult. He just sits near the TV and drinks. I ask why, he says I don’t know, I can’t help but drink, the work is stressful. He doesn't want to be treated. His grandfather drank, then his heart caught, he stopped drinking, smoking, and started playing sports. He said that he also drinks until nothing happens. But how stupid it is to mock your health! She says that she loves her and doesn’t want to leave her. But a week of binge drinking is guaranteed. I tried to talk, give examples, and cursed. It seems like he’ll think about it first, and then. I will try traditional medicine

Before I came to this site, I thought that there were few girls with such a problem as mine. What to do? My husband is 24 years old, he also likes to drink, our daughter is 3 years old, she loves her dad very much, I can’t quit, but I don’t know what to do, what kind of future awaits me, I start telling his mother about drinking, she blames me for everything, although before me he drank even worse, and I’m doing everything in my power to save him. I can’t call my husband an alcoholic, but it seems to me that everything is leading to this. How to live, you can save a person, because you can always leave him, but how will my daughter be, she won’t understand me, this is her own father. Any advice please?

I also understand your problems, I myself live with such a person, we have been living for 8 years, we have no children, he wants to drink and in a drunken stupor he becomes simply uncontrollable, he allows himself many liberties. But in a sober state, the other person is completely human and we have great love, despite the long marriage, one problem is alcohol, I try to solve the problem with requests, persuasion and nothing helps, I suffer a lot about this. There is only one question in my head - why men destroy their happiness, health and future with their own hands. How to reach the brain?

I wish everyone who believes - patience.

Apparently, Marisha, your husband hasn’t bothered you too much yet, if you still love him, tolerate him, etc.

Well, in all, absolutely all letters, I saw my story, or at least part of it. My God, there are so many of us, poor things. I have been married for 8 years and before marriage I saw xy from xy, but I hoped. Some write that they love it. How can you love such a person from whom you get a knife in the back. I haven’t loved you for a very long time, and I don’t respect you at all anymore, but I have a child, common property, well, the salary seems to be nothing. Mercantile? I do not argue. Will he crawl home today or won’t he crawls, he’s tired of it, but what should he do?

My husband is a beer alcoholic. He hardly drinks strong drinks, but he drinks one or two cans of beer every day, and on the weekend he drinks until he drops. I’m tired of fighting, no matter how much I persuaded him with affection and threats, he kept drinking and drinking. At one time he decided to drink with him, he was happy, he ran home with a beer. I didn’t have enough for a long time, my body began to reject alcohol, after a sip of beer I was gargling like a child. Now he drinks alone. We don’t go on a visit anywhere, it’s just another reason to drink. We ourselves don’t have anyone either We don’t call him. He sits in front of the TV and drinks. I have no more strength, I’ve said goodbye to the dream of a second child. I still don’t want to leave him. The child, the shared apartment, and the feelings, I can’t do it without him and he will finally get drunk without me. How to get him to stop drinking? Has anyone had this experience?

Dear women, do not trust alcoholic husbands. I lived with my husband for 34 years and during this time he turned into a tyrant alcoholic. He drank constantly and beat me, and broke my arm. Now I’m divorced and I don’t regret it, I’m just happy.

First of all, you need to love yourself and your children, but yourself is more important. If you love yourself, those around you will love you.
Why feel sorry for a person who does not feel sorry for himself? Have pity on yourself! No one will feel sorry for you except you.

Beer alcoholics experience sexual impotence early on. Beer contains substances similar to female sex hormones. And in general, beer replaces any sexual interest for them. Dealing with beer addiction is very difficult. How to make me quit? Just scare.

Girls, my husband and I argued that he wouldn’t be able to drink for a month, and for the first time in my life I live like in a fairy tale, no nerves, no scandals, after a month, he quit smoking. I don’t know how long this will last, but there is a big difference between when a husband drinks or not. True, when I quit smoking, I had to put up with his aggression for a bit, but then after 3 days it went away.

I can share one way. Mine didn’t drink for 2 months after that, but then everything returned to normal. Although others, after all the things they’ve done, haven’t drunk for a year. Well, everyone is different. Now I’ll try something else, maybe it will help. What about leaving? I’ll tell you this, they don’t go anywhere and don’t go to anyone. Maybe cynically. But it’s true.

You can read and see what alcoholism is from the inside, for example, on the website http://vesvalo.net There are few other things around which there are so many ridiculous prejudices! There on the website you can ask about Al-Anon groups, these are people who are faced with the problem of alcoholism of loved ones and share with each other ways to solve the problem. Believe me, you will learn a lot of new things!

Where to run? To another planet? Tell me that magical place where there is no alcoholism? I can only escape from life, and I would have escaped long ago, the child is holding me.

So you say (some readers) “quit,” but do you think it’s so easy? And what about an apartment? Now with such prices for apartments, you have to work as the president’s secretary, even if I’m exaggerating a little, but still. And then, for those who have children, it’s also difficult, the child has to be picked up from kindergarten, for example, but what if you work late? in general, I would have abandoned mine too, but there’s nowhere to go, there’s simply nowhere to live. I am now a student, especially for the second time, but on a scholarship. you understand))) here we live... my mother dripped drops into alcohol for my father, secretly, of course, it helped, he couldn’t see the vodka. but he walked around angry and took out all his anger on us, if people are completely sick, then yes... but I’m so disgusted with my own things, because my father was drunk, so now I can’t see drunk people at all! Now I’m surfing the internet, maybe I’ll find something, although I don’t know what. maybe you can take a look

I reassure myself that let my daughter grow up a little, I’ll find a normal job with a good salary. Maybe then I’ll leave.

Girls, I won’t describe my life - everything is the same, the same circles of hell and hope. I would like to advise all of you to print out and give to your husbands to read this letter from a woman, a former alcoholic, I found it on the Internet, it made a huge impression on my husband and his friend, they both stopped drinking, it’s a long story, but they just radically changed their lives. Maybe this will help you too. Happiness and health to you all, dears!
http://community.livejournal.com/bolshe_ne_mogu/10585.html?p?age=1#comments

Well... It's a pity that they don't understand this. After all, this is not a disease of any kind, in the sense of a disease, but if you let them understand it. then they will use it. And we will always cry. My father is a drunk and my husband is the same, tell me I’m a fool. I married someone like that once. but when I got married, he wasn’t like that, which means men can’t stand the usual routine at home, they panic. They think it’s all over... and they start drinking, but for what? Is it because his wife does everything around the house for him or something?)) I don’t even want to cope with my NG!
And anyway, stick together, friends, what do we need? I wish you happiness exactly the way you imagine it!

When my husband and I were friends, he didn’t drink in front of me, and I thought that he didn’t drink. After getting married, he started drinking every day and I thought it was me, then it turned out that he drank the same way before me. And now he’s been annoying me for two days now. I can’t see him, when he kisses me, the smell of beer from his nostrils spreads to mine and I feel sick. Another NG meeting on my nerves. It’s just that same bright Hope that this will all stop someday!

you are stupid, but the problem is serious

maybe you can just get a divorce? After such weeds, we buried the guy.

Earlier, like everyone else here, I complained about my alcoholic husband, we had been with him for 10 years, and Helga felt the same thing, but one fine day we argued with him that he couldn’t last a month without drinking, that argument was long gone and not a month but much more. But until yesterday I didn’t believe that he no longer drinks or even smokes, until yesterday I met my drinking companion on the street and said that I no longer drink or smoke, so go home. It was the most best gift on NG.

I can’t get a divorce, as I wrote above, due to weakness of will and there is no “new branch” on the horizon. But I doubt it would be a good idea to bury you from weed, it was very scary those 3 times when you came out of the binge, the doctors gave you injections and left you, and you sit there and make sure you don’t go crazy, because... It's like being under anesthesia. Thanks for the information, I'll try to look for weed.

I would like to know from someone if there are any medications that could be added to alcohol, so that after 1 glass or glass the most terrible vomiting, diarrhea and some other nasty thing would begin, so that the instinct of self-preservation would work and, accordingly, lead to would be disgusted by alcohol.

Girls, you need to do everything on time (leave, start all over again), give up stupid hopes that someday everything will get better. My grandmother ran away from her drunken husband until she was old; she no longer had the strength or health, and she had to run away to her sister and live with her until he got drunk. Everyone hopes for a peaceful old age, with such husbands don’t expect it, the worst thing is, that children won’t understand you when they grow up either. It’s better to have a sober “Sunday” dad than a constantly drunk one.

Many women suffer from domestic violence. Husbands wave their fists, insult and humiliate not only their wives, but also their small children. At first, this is perceived as an accident - accumulated stress and other troubles, but soon this behavior becomes the “norm”, and women fall into despair. Read more about this “phenomenon” and how to prevent such behavior in our article.

To be continued

Some of the unfortunate wives continue to suffer and forgive their tormenting husbands even after black eyes and other injuries. Remember the proverb: hitting means loving. They are ready to blame themselves for everything, believing that they themselves made a mistake and were unable to calm, help, and caress in time. The wives believe the oath promises that he will never do that again.

Beat, beat and will beat. If a man has ever raised his hand to his woman, it will happen again. Their moral barrier breaks when they suddenly realize that they can hit without receiving any punishment or rebuff. There are rare cases when a husband realizes his actions, repents, and does not repeat mistakes - if he acted in a state of passion. Although even this does not justify him.

Types of aggressive men

Men who raise their hands against their wives are divided into two types: “pit bulls” and “cobras”. The first type is the most common. They themselves gradually increase their rage, tormenting their wife with caustic remarks and insults. Husbands “work themselves up” to the point where they can pounce and hit. Typical dog behavior.

Such men are most often psychologically dependent on their wives. This is no longer love, but a disease generated by the desire to humiliate, to put in place. The wives of such people have to watch their every gesture, look and word, so that God forbid they awaken aggression in them. These families isolate themselves from friends and relatives, living in complete isolation, alone with their problems.

Cobras are much less common, but their behavior is difficult to predict. They do not need to inflame themselves; on the contrary, they attack silently and unexpectedly. During the strike they have a completely calm, even absent look. At the same time, neither temperature nor pressure rises. At the slightest provocation, they beat their wives half to death in absolute cold blood. They hit you regardless of how you feel or your situation. It will not be difficult for them to raise their hand even to a pregnant woman.

These are very dangerous, cruel men, although it is easier to redirect their rage into a calmer direction. When they see that the victim does not respond to his bullying, they may find another object to relieve the irritation. But you shouldn’t be happy about this: your family, friends and even children can be such a source.

Why does a man spread his arms?

The idea that all women who suffer beatings from men are timid, submissive and downtrodden is not always true. Most often, wives themselves actively participate in squabbles, making sarcastic remarks, insulting, and even beating their partners. They often do this in response to threats from their husband.

Such women, like men, quickly get excited and become aggressive even over trifles. They lose their heads and infuriate their husband even more, which ultimately leads to a fight. While men are fighting for power in their homes, women are fighting for life.

But what are the reasons for this behavior of husbands? From scratch, a man does not become a tyrant and sadist.

Childhood psychological trauma

The most common case is memories of the father's behavior in his own family. If your husband had the same problems as his parents as a child, chances are ill-treatment with your own family is very high. As a little boy, he watched in horror as his angry father humiliated and beat his mother. The child suffered deeply from fear and injustice, and swore to himself that he would never in his life allow himself to be the same as his dad. However, this pattern of behavior is the only thing he has learned since childhood. He simply does not understand how to resolve the conflict differently, which is why he repeats his father’s actions on a subconscious level. After all, if a husband beats his mother, why can’t he also rein in his wife?

If your young man comes from such a family, and he is already beginning to show signs of aggressiveness, persuade him to go to a psychologist. Explain the complexity of the situation, tell him how much you love him, how much you don’t want your child to see what he had to see.

If your spouse has a desire to keep the marriage loving and strong, he will most likely agree to your proposal. Although, unfortunately, this only works if the husband himself is burdened by his behavior and wants to change himself. Be vigilant while everything can be fixed. If he has already beaten you at least once, it will be more difficult to heal your loved one. Plus, you will need to forgive him. Can you do it?

Alcoholism

The husband drinks and beats his wife, being insane for most of his life. Sometimes a woman also begins to drown out her grief with alcohol along with him, unable to find a way out, preferring to forget about mental and physical pain. And two drinking spouses in a family are a disaster.

Even if a woman does not drink alcohol, she still falls out of life and is completely dependent on the state of her husband. Eternal waiting - whether he will come home drunk or sober, whether he will lose his temper again or leave her alone. The psyche of alcoholics is disturbed, they are unable to control their own behavior, their actions are inadequate. Most domestic injuries and homicides occur at the moment alcohol intoxication.

It is very difficult to treat such people, but if you want to save the relationship and return your husband to normal, it’s worth a try. The main thing is to try to solve this problem together. If a man does not have a sincere desire to stop drinking, then nothing will work.

Remind him of the best thing about you life together. Try to convince him that you need him healthy and adequate, that you and your children do not want to suffer anymore. Explain that if a husband beats and abuses his wife, all family members suffer.

If the degree of alcoholism is not too advanced, your spouse may decide to get treatment and stop drinking. If the physiological and mental dependence is so high that it becomes an instinct for him, then he would rather prefer the bottle to his family. In this case, take care of yourself and the health of your children and cut off all ties.

Humiliated and insulted

Another example of a tyrant husband is a man with low self-esteem. He has no luck around him, people treat him mockingly, he is not respected or appreciated by the team. Unable to satisfy their often high ambitions, such men throw out all their negativity at home, on those closest and loving people. Here they definitely cannot get the rebuff they deserve and rise in their own eyes. Any manifestation of superiority is important to him, at least over weak women and children.

They, like air, need proof of their “dominance” in the house, because this is the only way they are worth something in their own eyes. They take revenge for insults, for disrespect, for laughing at themselves. Ordinary losers, unable to realize themselves in life, trample their loved ones into the mud. This is how they live.

If your husband is a tyrant of this type, then save yourself immediately. Selfishness is incurable, promises of improvement are false. You should not become a punching bag for the sake of a person who wants to increase personal self-esteem in this way. He just beat you and will continue to let his hands go.

Darling of fate

A husband who beats his family could be someone who was very spoiled as a child. He is accustomed to the fact that everyone around him indulges his desires; any “I want” is the law of life for those around him. A man simply cannot comprehend why his wife does not immediately comply with all his demands and does not stand at attention when he approaches. Without receiving submission, such people can fall into uncontrollable aggression and spend a long time “punishing” loved ones for the offense they have caused.

Having not been accustomed to independence since childhood, they demand from their wives what they cannot do themselves. This is not only men's housework, but also solving financial and domestic issues. As a rule, they do not consider betrayal a sin at all, because such “wonderful” people are allowed absolutely everything. And if suddenly the wives decide to tell them what to do, then you just need to teach them a lesson and show them who’s boss.

If your husband is like this type of person, run without looking back! No love is worth such mental and physical pain. And if you have children, protect them from mental trauma, give them the opportunity to grow up as decent, happy people!

What kind of women endure bullying and humiliation?

Many wives are ready to forever forgive their abusive husbands and be by their side. What is it: fear, loneliness or incomprehensible masochism? Is love so blind that it allows them to shackle themselves into a lifelong prison of humiliation and pain? There is a reasonable explanation for this behavior.

Naivety or greed

Some women think: “When my husband hits me, this is how he shows his feelings.” This fairy tale has long lost its relevance. Once upon a time, our great-grandmothers got married by agreement of their parents, without even seeing the groom before the wedding. They lived together all their lives, be it a successful marriage or an unhappy existence. Since divorce was impossible, the popular “beats means he loves” was salvation and an explanation for what was happening.

Even now, despite propaganda against violence, women are sure that it is the norm for almost everyone modern family. After all, neighbors and relatives also have scandals. The husband beats them, and then repents, gives them flowers, gold, diamonds, swears that this was the last time.

It gets to the point that sometimes wives see a split personality in their husbands: the kind one with flowers is considered real, and the aggressive one with fists is considered an accident, illness, circumstances. Sometimes women subconsciously begin to provoke their spouse so that he will shower them with gifts the next day. But in such cases, fights happen more and more often, and apologies become less and less common.

Suicide threats

Sometimes men blackmail their wives that they will commit suicide if they leave them and leave. Often such words do not mean a real threat, it is only a reason to keep you with them at all times, to be able to control you. Plus, women become pliable and begin to fear even their own shadow. Who wants to be the cause of someone else's death, even if this person brings moral and physical pain.

Living in constant fear and tension, fearing the possible death of a person “through your fault” - is this what you expected when you got married? If you succumb to blackmail, you will forever be a guiltlessly guilty and deeply unhappy woman. And after a couple of decades, such a “male” may leave for another, and you will be left alone. Due to constant worries and nervous breakdowns, your hair will begin to turn gray prematurely, wrinkles will appear, and the sparkle in your eyes will disappear. You need it?

Do not feel sorry for your husband, be a femme fatale - give him the opportunity to do as he sees fit. Only a few are capable of taking such a terrible step as suicide. The most they can do is fake an attempt to keep you on a short leash. Otherwise, they only develop feelings of guilt and despair in their wives. By the way, all suicidal people are registered in a psychiatric hospital. And in some cases he will have a very hard time, especially if he wants to change jobs or get personal transport. Don't forget to tell your spouse about this.

Children need a father

Many women believe that a tyrant dad is better than no father at all. This is where they are very wrong. Seeing constant scandals and fights between parents, children’s psyches are deeply traumatized. This is dangerous for boys: as adults, they copy the behavior of their father in their family. It’s hard for girls - in the future they will subconsciously look for cruel men, similar to their father.

As a result, the tyrant will ruin the life not only of you, but also of innocent children. Sometimes husbands even raise their hands against them, which cannot but affect the mental and physical health kids. Did you know that most child killers are convicted of killing fathers who beat their wives and children? And public opinion condemns in all this the mother who did not protect the child from such a “loving” and “caring” dad.

Material dependence

One of the common reasons why wives do not leave their husbands who beat them is financial dependence. They have nowhere and nothing to live on. This situation often occurs in families where wives either do not work or receive a very small salary. Despite such difficulties, if you wish, you can find a way out. Seek help from relatives or friends, explain the situation, ask for help. They will definitely support you and help you hold out for the first time until you find a job.

Understand that the safety of your children is also in your hands. Many successful, financially independent women also started from scratch. We have been in the same terrible circumstances (or even worse). If they were able to rise, then you can do it too.

Aggressive husbands - a problem of the twenty-first century

If you are still wondering whether to continue living in torment, or believe that your beating husband is your karma, think about the following information:

• In Russia, a woman dies at the hands of her husband or partner every 40 minutes. Every year a terrible number - from 12 to 14 thousand people.
• The risk of dying at the hands of a stranger in our country is an order of magnitude lower than in one’s own family.
• Every day, every 36 thousand women are beaten by their husbands and partners.
• More than 50 thousand children run away from home to escape beatings of their parents.
• About 2 thousand children take their own lives every year. The reason was that one of their parents beat them.

Perhaps this data will push you to the right decision, will help you understand whether it is worth living with someone who poses a threat to you or your loved ones.

When a decent man can raise his hand

A real man should never, under any circumstances, lay a hand on a woman. This is a rule that everyone should know. But there are exceptions. A man can hit if, for example, his life is in danger. This is laid down at the level of instinct. Aggression manifests itself if the same applies to his children. Therefore, you should not rush at your husband with a frying pan or at your children with a belt. The consequences can be dire.

Adultery can drive a man crazy. Especially if he devoted his whole life to his family, and she walks, say, with him best friend. Many murders are committed due to jealousy. The person is in a state of passion. There is no excuse for this, but you should still be honest with your loved one. Please exercise caution.

Family psychology

Why do our men often resort to forceful methods of influence? Because by nature they have a need for self-affirmation at any cost. This is a male instinct that forces some to go to war, some to play sports, some to fight in the gateways, and some to beat their wives and children. Not all men are inclined to realize their need to assert themselves with the help of physical strength.

Sometimes a woman herself provokes the appearance of aggression in a man who is prone to it. She begins to make some increased demands on him, doubts her husband’s capabilities, and ridicules his actions and plans. And then he receives a slap in the face from his unrestrained husband. When a man has a predisposition to violence, one should try to show as little hostility towards him as possible. Otherwise, there is a high probability that wife beating will become a completely acceptable and commonplace activity for the spouse.

It happens that fights in the family are like a kind of love recharge. After them, the spouses begin to feel even more attracted to each other. The situation with violence here is hopeless. Both men and women need this to fuel passion and strengthen mutual affection. Even if such a couple breaks up, it won’t be for long.

In principle, almost everyone whose wife is regularly beaten by their husbands is in the trap of addiction. The overwhelming majority of them leave their tyrants from time to time, but then, for one reason or another, return to them again. If a husband allows himself to beat his wife more than once or twice, she is already psychologically suppressed. Whether a woman wants it or not, she subconsciously becomes attached to her despot. Who knows why this happens. Either ancient instincts are awakening, or the fear of loneliness is depressing. Or maybe some complexes are at work or incorrect upbringing contributes to the connivance of violence on the part of the husband.

How to behave as a woman

It must be said that a woman who is strong-willed, ambitious, confident in herself and in her abilities will never become a wife who is constantly subjected to beatings from her husband. Without thinking for a long time, she will immediately break off the relationship with the man. And he will never resume them again.

But a woman with a weak character, with low self-esteem, can tolerate a bully all her life. Thus dooming themselves and their own children to complete misfortune. Well, weak people They are generally not capable of decisive actions, and it is impossible to quickly change their character. And it’s not easy to change it. Therefore, in order not to fall into the clutches of your husband-beast, you must try to discern in him a tendency towards tyranny in advance.

Often men who gravitate toward complete dictatorship in the family are quite attractive. They can turn a girl’s head by surrounding her with attention and care. It seems to a young lady in love that next to such a man she will always be comfortable and reliable, as if behind a stone wall. However, after the wedding, the stone wall suddenly becomes a prison wall. And in the relationship between the newly-made spouses, the relationship between a boa constrictor and a rabbit begins to work.

What should a girl be wary of at the beginning? acquaintance

Signs that a man is predisposed to physical aggression:

• The hidden despot almost immediately after meeting her begins to make seemingly innocent remarks about her friends, relatives and acquaintances.
• A future tyrant husband often tries to make a girl jealous, drawing her attention to how other young ladies seem to be flirting with him.
• The guy tries to alienate the girl from her family, convincing her that mom, dad, brother, sister want to ruin their relationship.
• A man can quickly become furious over some little thing and lose control of himself.

Prevention of domestic violence

At first, such behavior is not very noticeable and is not perceived sharply by the girl. And then, completely unnoticed by herself, she finds herself in the power of a tyrant. Friends disappear, relatives are relegated to the background. The beloved begins to make trouble and lose his temper for any reason, calling names, humiliating, and using force. The poor thing despairs, rushes about, tries to please him, but all her attempts to normalize the atmosphere in the house are useless.

A woman should try to raise her own self-esteem. There are many methods for developing respect and love for one’s personality. Choosing the most suitable one from them will not be difficult. Yes, my husband has already managed to convince us that we are ugly, clumsy, stupid, and so on. However, every person is valuable and worthy of happiness, and we are no exception. And no one has the right to encroach on this happiness and take it away from us.

If we want to save our family while improving the atmosphere in the house, we need to act gradually and consistently. Let's eliminate the fear of our spouse and tear it out by the roots! After all, we are free and the choice of life path is always ours. And, since the decision has already been made to save the marriage, we will try to behave with our husband a little differently. We praise his virtues more often, we become more affectionate, calmer, and more positive.

Drinking people resist treatment, if the husband is a complete alcoholic or has just started drinking every day, most often the worries of saving him fall on the shoulders of the wife. And she has to wonder what to do if her husband drinks heavily, and the addiction is fully formed, and she has the misfortune of living with an alcoholic. In Russia, problems with drunkenness occur in every second family. Living with a man who has started drinking requires special skills that a woman, willy-nilly, has to master.

The husband started drinking every day, and vodka becomes the center of the house, and the household is forced to relate every step to this fact. The character of the woman changes and the children suffer. The wife needs to pull herself together and convince her husband to admit that he is an alcoholic and convince him to get treatment.

Essence of an Alcoholic

A second “I” is formed in a man who starts drinking, which has terrible destructive power. People often go on a binge after coding, and with each new breakdown, the drunken essence of a person becomes stronger and more aggressive. A woman faces in her family two diametrically opposed personalities of her husband. The wife takes it upon herself to bring her husband to his senses; she needs to declare prohibition in the house and eliminate alcohol from everyday life even on public or private days. family holidays. For an alcoholic, the only alternative is absolute sobriety.

You better drink!

It is not enough to wean an alcoholic away from alcoholic drinks; it is important to teach him what to do with a sober lifestyle. A person who drank every day simply does not know what to do with himself when his favorite pastime is not available. Sometimes drinking is replaced by hobbies, for example, a man who quit drinking becomes a coin or stamp collector. And from a shirtless guy he turns into a stingy guy, spending every penny on his collection. Not only for his drinking buddies, but for his own wife, he becomes a new and unfamiliar person.

Often a man remembers a time when he was treated with more sympathy, at least by his drinking buddies. He remembers drinking sessions, accompanied by the inner uplift and energy that alcohol causes, and forgets about the severity of the hangover and the inevitable problems. He begins to dream about that golden time, thereby pushing himself to decoding.

The psychologist's advice for this turning point is:

1. in this situation, the wife needs to become internally strong so that the fatal phrase does not come out: it would be better if you drank;
2. you can’t give up, you should let in your attractiveness and charm by changing your image with clothes, makeup and hairstyle;
3. as a last resort, penalties can be introduced if they are not applied for the sake of revenge for a ruined life, and only if other methods are unsuccessful;
4. You can try to provoke jealousy with caution, but this advice is extremely dangerous, do not forget about it;
5. to get rid of drinking buddies at home, you can feign illness;
6. at the initial stage of alcoholism, video recording of the husband in a drunken stupor, and the threat to show it to all friends and relatives, works flawlessly;
7. you can be intimidated by divorce and exchange of apartments;
8. do not hesitate to call the police if your husband makes a scandal, as a few days in the police station are very sobering;
9. at the onset of delirium tremens, contact a psychiatric service.

Husband drinks and abuses

A completely different situation requires appropriate methods of behavior if the husband not only drinks every day, but also insults, since in this case it is not far from assault, and this is a direct threat to life. Insults may be habitual or become a complete surprise for a wife who considers her husband well-mannered and self-possessed.

The husband was rude the first time - you can try to forget about the incident. A man insults every day since he started drinking and it has become ingrained and habitual, but the wife is determined to save the marriage, and then we need to figure out why such an outrage happens. Look at the situation, as if from the outside. Perhaps meekness itself is perceived as an inability to defend oneself, and this is what infuriates.

There are several options for aggression:

• immoderation in words and actions occurs only if the husband drinks;
• his temper is impulsive and quickly fades away;
• the fact that the husband insults is a stable manifestation of character and has become the norm.

Find out the reason why your husband is insulting.

If the husband is aggressive while intoxicated, then you should remember that the proverb: what is on the mind of a sober man is on the tongue of a drunken man, is not always true. Alcohol changes the psyche, and, having sobered up, a person is often ashamed of what he said and did while drunk. And the problem here is not the insults, but whether the person is ready to quit drinking. If the husband starts drinking every day, then the woman sees only one drunken personality of her husband, often encountering insults.

You shouldn’t believe and take to heart words uttered in an inadequate state, but it’s worth thinking about, if he doesn’t stop drinking, do you want to live in constant fear. The husband may agree to treatment, and the problem with aggression will go away on its own. But you will have to avoid provoking drinking and banish alcohol from the house completely. Not only holidays, but also weekdays should be sober.

If a man insults his wife during moments of his temper, this may be a consequence of troubles at work or the result of other problems. The situation can be corrected by receiving the following advice from a psychologist:

1. do not be rude in response, much less try to insult;
2. don't interrupt;
3. do not allow violence on your part - a slap in the face can provoke assault;
4. You can raise your voice within reasonable limits;
5. at the moment when your husband cools down, try to convey to him how you feel about his temper.

But if your husband constantly insults you, then you need to think about whether you need such a person. If rudeness has become the norm of life, then it should not be tolerated. You can try to change your husband's character only if, after another outburst, he feels ashamed. If repentance does not occur, then it is worth thinking about the children who are also subject to his tyranny. Your feelings of self-preservation and self-esteem should tell you what to do next.

Husband drinks and cheats

If the husband’s drinking takes place outside the house, and he may not come to spend the night for several days, then the wife has the right to suspect that the husband is going out. First of all, you need to remain calm, no matter how difficult it may be. Remember that you are smart and Strong woman and you will be able to cope with the situation.

Evaluate what is happening to make the right decision. The husband should not influence him in this particular situation, since he has already shown himself to be negative side. The problem can have three outcomes. You can break up with your husband who is walking, you can pretend that nothing happened or forgive. Solutions are opposite and can change your life dramatically. The adoption of one or another method of response depends on the method of betrayal and its reasons. A psychologist’s advice to a woman who has discovered that her husband is taking walks consists of the following rules:

• try to understand the reasons for betrayal;
• do not relax so much that tears or hysterics appear;
• the decision made must be fulfilled: you decided to get a divorce, bring the matter to an end, persuasion, flowers and gifts - on the side;
• decided to forgive, forget it, like a nightmare, don’t reproach your husband, he should appreciate the ability to forgive;
• the conversation with the husband should take place calmly without accusations and reproaches; if the husband is determined to stay in the house, most likely he will accept the terms of reconciliation;
• it is necessary to take into account that if the husband has started drinking and goes on walks, then you should not trust his words, and it is necessary to agree on the treatment of alcohol dependence.

The situation can only be changed by recognizing in time that the husband is walking, as is his addiction to the green serpent. You can eliminate the possible reasons that your husband is looking for entertainment on the side by diversifying your sex life. Go somewhere to relax together, the husband must understand that neither a bottle nor another woman can replace the best wife in the world.

If you can’t cope with the fact that your husband has started drinking and is going on walks, don’t dwell on it. Divorce can be perceived as the beginning of a new life.