A collection of the funniest birthday jokes.
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My daughter asked me to give her a Cinderella-themed birthday party. We all did. They went to a restaurant to celebrate, and they left her to clean the house!

Why were you swearing on the phone for an hour yesterday? Did you argue with someone?
- No, I wished a friend a happy birthday!

Someone here wished him a happy birthday:
“I want,” he says, “for all your wishes to come true AS ALWAYS”...
Damn, why doesn’t he love me so much?

When registering discount cards in stores, I write my date of birth at random in the form. Then throughout the year I periodically receive unexpected congratulations.
Today we wished you victories and bright achievements. It's much nicer than a real birthday. In general, I recommend it to everyone.

They will never write “Happy Birthday” on the pavement because I was born in winter.
- You're wrong. The letters will be yellow.

Vadik, maybe I should give you a talking parrot for your birthday?
- Lucy, I already have a talking parrot, this is the thirteenth time you’ve asked!

Darling, this is for your birthday, open it soon!
- But this is a fly.
- Open it, I say.

Dear Zhannochka! Congratulations on your birthday!
In the new year of your life, I wish you to finally find the fine line between originality and stupidity!

What should I give Vadik? The guy is 20 years old soon.
- It depends on what he is interested in.
- Nothing, he’s foolish!
- Well, then we’ll give you some nonsense.

Happy birthday to my friend:
- ...children - obedient, husband - loving, parents - healthy...
- Thank you! Where should we put these?

I always look with bewilderment at people who wish me the fulfillment of all my desires.

Celebrated your birthday?
- Noted. Especially those who forgot to congratulate me.

Many people consider birthdays a sad holiday because they only get older. Indeed, sometimes you don’t really want to celebrate another “badass”. Funny birthday jokes will help bring back the festive mood. When someone tells funny jokes at a birthday party, everyone immediately feels happy and happy.

Crazy birthday jokes

As a rule, many people receive funny birthday SMS, since only a few receive a telephone congratulation. Some even tell crazy birthday jokes so that the congratulation looks original. Usually all the humor at a celebration begins after a few drinks. And then crazy birthday jokes begin to sound, making those around you laugh.

Happy birthday with a joke

It's no secret that if happy birthday with a joke, this will be a better addition to the gift than you just saying a few banal words. Yes, sometimes it’s difficult to come up with something original and fun. The Internet will help you in your search. You can find a cool wish and congratulate the birthday boy on his birthday with a joke, bringing him a lot of positive emotions.

Happy birthday greetings to a woman, funny joke

If you want to impress a girl, you can send her funny birthday wishes GIFs. They will help you leave a good impression. Will not go unnoticed Happy birthday greetings to a woman, funny joke. But it’s better to read it into the eyes of the subject you like, so that you can see the effect produced by her reaction. However, happy birthday greetings for a woman, a funny joke will remain in the woman’s memory, and if she likes you, she will let you know about it.

New jokes for a man's birthday

Want to find new jokes for a man's birthday to surprise everyone? Welcome to our site. We publish only fresh and funny humor, adding new jokes for a man’s birthday and funny jokes about his birthday. Therefore, on the pages of our website you will find an excellent, cheerful congratulation to the birthday boy, which everyone will remember for a long time.

A grandson comes to his grandmother's birthday party with a bouquet of roses.
- Thank you, dear grandson!
- Grandma was touched.
- What beautiful roses and so similar to those that grow in our garden!
- They don’t grow anymore...

I ask my husband: “Have you eaten?”
He imitates me: “Have you eaten?”
Me: “Stop imitating me.”
Husband again: “Stop imitating me!”
Me: “I love you so much that I’ll give you a fur coat for your birthday!”
Husband: “Yes, I ate...”

How old are you?
- It is indecent to ask a woman the following questions:
- Okay, when is your birthday?
- March 24.
- What year?
- You won’t believe it: everyone!

Having received the videos for her birthday, Masha thought that this was the best gift in the world. However, after an hour she realized that the best gift was new front teeth...

Christmas is the day when anti-Semites celebrate the birthday of a Jew.

A long time ago, I don’t remember how, a strange entry appeared in my phone’s address book under the name “Hell.” I’m afraid to call there, but sometimes people from there wish me a happy new year and birthday.

Honey, happy birthday. I give you the ability to control the rain.
- How you fucked me, shaman, fucking unemployed.

Birthdays are good for your health. British scientists have proven that those who had more birthdays tended to live longer.

Vovochka asks his grandmother:
- Masha invited me to my birthday. What to give her: one big gift or many small ones?
- Probably a lot of little ones.
- So be it. I'll give her some seeds...

Monya, tell me, how do you celebrate birthdays in your family?
- Very simple. Sarochka’s birthday is in the restaurant, and mine is in red pencil on the calendar.

The girl, who didn’t get exactly what she wanted for her birthday, said from her chair not exactly what she taught.

There are two nine-story buildings opposite each other. One neighbor yells to another:

- In January. And why do you need it?
- I'll give you curtains. Otherwise the whole house sees your wife giving you a blowjob.
- When is yours?
- In April. And why do you need it?

Everyone has seen inscriptions on the asphalt near houses like “Sveta, happy birthday” or “Ksyusha, I love you.” But the inscription at the dorm “Sorry Anya, you’re not fat” is a masterpiece!

Two friends in a store.
- Which postcard do you think is better to buy: “My Bunny” or “My Cat”?
- What is it?
- Yes, my goat has a birthday tomorrow.

Darling, this is for your birthday! Open up!
- But... it's your fly...
- I said open it.

A system programmer was given a suitcase for his birthday. He asks:
- For what?
“Well,” they say, “you go on business trips to debug all sorts of systems?”
- Well...
- Well, so: put your panties here, socks here, here...
- Stop, stop, guys! What will I wear?

Oleg never knew how to give hints, so for his grandmother’s birthday he gave a sample application for inheritance.

The wife asks her husband:
- Darling, what should I give you for your birthday?
- For one evening pretend to be deaf and dumb.

The brain is a unique organ. It works 365 days a year, 24 hours a day from the moment you are born until you enter the exam room.

A woman congratulates her friend on her birthday:
- At first I wanted to wish you happiness, but I’m afraid I’ll jinx it. Then I wanted to wish you money, but I’m afraid that you will be robbed. Therefore, I wish you love - even if you fuck me...

What should I give you for your birthday - one big gift or many small ones?
- Lots of little ones!
- Then I’ll give you some seeds.

Today we gave money to dad for his birthday, tomorrow we’ll go buy shoes for mom.

The Kamaz driver celebrated his birthday properly. His drinking buddies pushed him into the cabin with great difficulty, he started up and was driving. The cops are here, slowing down. They smelled it and shouted:
- Come on, get down! Now you will blow into the tube!
- What are you talking about, guys! How can I get back in then?

Medicines have become so expensive that soon we will be giving them to each other for our birthdays... To survive until the next one.

- Oh yes, madam...

When was the last time you gave your wife flowers? Not on March 8, not on a birthday, but just like that?
- Yeah, give it to her and try it. Suspicions will immediately begin and they will start digging. And he will definitely dig up something.

My girlfriend is so stupid! I gave her a gold chain here for her birthday; I bought it by the meter from the gypsies at the market. I took her fur coat, a Chinese fake mink, and I didn’t even notice! Now I'm pregnant, we're expecting a son!
- Yours or revenge?

The boy was given a drum for his birthday. Tortured all the neighbors - in the morning: “Bam! Bam" Bam! "The neighbors complain to the parents, but they say nothing: the son makes noise during the day, not in the evening, let him play. And only one wise old neighbor did not swear, he called the boy on the street and asked: “Do you know what’s inside the drum?” “The boy didn’t bother anyone else...”

Vovochka!
- the mother says sternly.
- Why weren’t you at school yesterday?
- I gave a gift to the teacher.
- Which present?
- And it was her birthday yesterday. So I decided - let him rest without me.

The older you get, the more clearly you realize that having a birthday once a year is not so rare...

A very plump lady calls a weight loss company:
- Tell me, does your company really guarantee significant weight loss in a short period of time?
- Oh yes, madam...
- The fact is that my husband gave me a wonderful birthday present, but I can’t fit into it...
- Madam, we promise that in 2 months you will be able to freely put on your new dress...
- What does the dress have to do with it?! My husband gave me a car!

I gave the homeless man 10 rubles. I heard more wishes than for my birthday.

It’s better to remember a woman’s birthday, but it’s better to forget her year of birth.

Vovochka comes to school. Petechka says:
- Yesterday was my birthday!
- To class!
- Daddy didn’t give me any gifts!
- And what did you give him?
- As always!
- What does he always give?
- Soccer ball and slingshot.
- Wow, great! What is your dad's job?
- A glazier!

Task force on the kill. A man's head was broken by a frying pan. Senior intern:
- Write. Death was the result of a traumatic head injury. Trainee:
- Maybe - cranial? Senior:
- What the fuck... brains... I came to my wife’s birthday with his mistress.

My husband comes home from work. The wife kisses him and lights 18 candles on the cake standing on the set table.
- Is it one of us’s birthday?
- asks the husband.
“Yes, honey,” the wife answers, “by my fur coat.” She became an adult today...

Ira wake up.
- Mmmm uh Nya yaya uh mmm.
- Ira, that’s enough! It's almost lunchtime. And you're still asleep. Sonya is like that.
- Hrrrr Vsss I uh - Irochka, please. We have a lot to do today.
- Awww ee yy - Irina! I understand that yesterday was your birthday, but that’s enough already.
- Ahhhh, another 5 minutes... hrrrrr... Mommy, darling, come on...
- I would like to say a few things:
- Firstly, sleeping with your face on the keyboard is bad for your makeup. Secondly, I’m not a mommy, but a CEO. And thirdly, you, Irina, as my deputy, set a bad example for other employees of our company...

Something went wrong at a birthday party and after midnight a cake came out of a drunken stripper...

A high school student says to her friend, whose birthday they celebrated the day before:
- How do parents still bother you with their idiotic questions the next morning, like: “Who was there?” or “What did you eat there?” As if I remember...

The princess invited the hussars, led by the colonel, to her birthday. He approaches the table on which the cake stands and places candles. There is not enough space and she says:
- Where else should I put this candle? The colonel grabs his saber and yells:
- Hussars! BE SILENT!

I gave my wife a scale, and she gave me a ruler for my birthday... I didn’t understand something...

Happy birthday! Keep the gift.
- Thank you! Wow, that's money! My favorite! How do you know?
- Like? I earned it myself!

I ask my husband:
- Have you eaten? He mimics me:
- Have you eaten?
- Stop imitating me! The husband is at his best again:
- Stop imitating me!
- I love you so much that I will give you my car for your birthday! Husband:
- Yes, I ate, I ate...

Vasilich, why were you yelling obscenities on the phone all night yesterday?
- Yes, I wished my best friend a happy birthday.

I’m sitting at a children’s birthday party and watching a tipsy animator work. Here is one of his masterpieces:
- Children, let's call our birthday boy! Saaasha, Saaasha, Saaasha! Oh, here he comes. Sasha, what's your name?..

Vovochka, when is your birthday?
- February 29.
- You were lucky that it was a leap year, otherwise you might not have been born at all.

Izya, what did you give Moishe for his birthday?
- A gold watch that I can only dream of.
- Do you love the hero of the day so much that you gave him a dream?
- Why not? He is old, and I am the only heir.

Someone brought seeds for my birthday. They never started drinking.

It's my friend's birthday today. He doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, isn't a gambler and doesn't cheat on his girlfriend... Who knows how we'll celebrate him.

On her birthday, a four-year-old daughter comes up with a question:
- Mommy, where did I come from?
- Sunny, we found you in the cabbage!
- Mom, what kind of cabbage? The month of April is just around the corner... Here dad intervenes in the conversation:
- In sauerkraut, daughter, in sauerkraut.

The doctor dictates to the trainee:
- Write: “Cranial head injury...” - Maybe traumatic brain injury?
- He doesn’t have any brains, since he ended up with his mistress on his wife’s birthday!

There are two nine-story buildings opposite. One neighbor yells to another:
- Misha! When is your birthday?
- In May. What?
- I'll give you curtains. Otherwise the whole house sees your wife giving a blowjob.
- When is yours?
- In June. What?
- I’ll give you binoculars so you can see whose wife it is.

An amazing organ is the human brain: it works 24 hours a day, 365 (366) days a year, right from your birth until the very moment when you... fall in love.

In the confectionery:
- Please give me this cake, write “Happy Birthday to Dear Mona!” - Let's wrap it up now.
- No need, I'll eat it here.

Two friends meet. One says:
- Do you want me to give you a wallet for your birthday? Or a money clip?
- I already have a money clip. Meet: this is my wife Katya.

Dad, when did the stork bring me?
- September 16, son.
- That’s great, just on my birthday!

Montserrat Caballe performed at the oligarch's birthday.
- The guests were shocked. They had never heard such a performance of “Vladimir Central” before.

What should we give Sanya for her birthday?
- Give me a crystal ashtray.
- Yes, he doesn't smoke.
- Well then, give me pants made of red crocodile skin, a jacket made of lilac monkey skin, boots made of green pig skin and...
- And don’t smoke!

Ale, where are you?
- I'm at a birthday party.
- Oh... Where is this - Birthday?!

Mom, I want a dog for my birthday.
- Okay, Kim Zhen-Sun, I’ll cook according to your favorite recipe.

My wife asked for a mink for her birthday.
- I’ve been digging in the garden for the second day already. Worried. What if you don't like it?

Lieutenant Rzhevsky is walking with Natasha Rostova. Natasha:
- It’s my birthday today, what will you give me? Lieutenant:
- Kinder Surprise! Natasha:
- How soon? Lieutenant:
- Surprise today at nine in the evening, and kinder in nine months.

Vovochka asks her mother:
- Mom, what should I give you for your birthday?
- Give me your good grades.
-..is it cheaper?

Little Seryozha really wanted a dog for his birthday. The parents decided to please the baby and bought a huge St. Bernard. Seryozha looked at the gift and said:
- I don’t understand who was given to whom?!

On the “Big Politics” program, Kiselev says to Yushchenko:
- Today you are so merciless towards Yulia Tymoshenko, and today is her birthday. By the way, did you congratulate her?
- Of course, congratulations! Or rather, I congratulated Yanukovych, because I don’t see any difference between them!

Everyone who loves Yesenin’s work is simply obliged to read poetry to prostitutes and fry alcohol with bandits on his birthday.

There is a traffic cop on duty. The weather is bad. It is raining. Suddenly he sees an Oka driving along the road and swerving from side to side. Well, he slows down the driver:
- You are drunk. Breathe into the tube. The driver is breathing. The traffic cop looks - everything is fine, sober.
- Why are you driving and swerving?
- Yes, you understand, yesterday was my birthday. So my son-in-law gave me wipers from KAMAZ...

The wife turns to her husband:
- Tomorrow is my birthday!!! Do you even remember? My beloved - Of course!!! I cannot forget this date. My car insurance expires tomorrow.

Judging by the text messages I received on my birthday, my best friends are the bank and the cellular company.

My girlfriend told me that I have something special in store for my birthday. Tricky. Now I have to date her for another 5 months.

A man comes to the store:
- Please give me candles for the anniversary cake. It's my wife's birthday.
- How many pieces do you need?
- Thirty, as usual.

A three-year-old boy receives a birthday present from his grandmother. Unfolding it, he sees that it is a water pistol and, squealing with delight, runs quickly to fill it. Mom is not at all happy and dials her mother’s number:
- Mom, do you remember how we drove you crazy with our water pistols?
- Otherwise!

Programmer's birthday. The wife says a toast:
- I wish you the same Internet speed as you cum!

A man comes to his friend's birthday party:
- The best gift is a gift made with your own hands! That's why I give you... nothing!

As a child, a birthday is the most favorite holiday and gifts, gifts, gifts.
- For an adult, a birthday is a headache and spending, spending, spending.

The guy calls the girl:
- Hello! What kind of flowers do you like?
- Roses.
- Red or white?
- Red.
- I see, but how do you feel about champagne with candles?
- Positive... Are you preparing something for my birthday?
- Yeah, I’m getting ready - I’m sitting, choosing a postcard for you.

Holmes, what should I give my wife for her birthday?
- Golden earrings.
- Why, Holmes?
- Elementary Watson:
- Women love with their ears!

Talking on the phone:
- Well, yes, you can buy something, today is my birthday after all. But keep in mind that I don’t like sweets and flowers...
- Yeah, you like semi-sweet and grass...

It's Rzhevsky's birthday. Natasha Rostova tells him that she has a gift for him. She strips naked, and all she has left is a bow in the most piquant place. Lieutenant Rzhevsky, rolling up his sleeves:
- Well, how far is he there?

Darling, what would you like to receive for your birthday?
- I do not know yet...
- Fine. I'll give you another year to think about it.

Two positive aspects of winter: 1. Birthday 2. New Year.

Let you spend the best years of your life on me, but it will be like my birthday.

My husband is a Sagittarius, so I gave him a gun for his birthday.
- And my husband is a Fish, I’ll give him an aquarium!
- And my husband is Capricorn...

A wife in tears reprimands her husband:
- I’ve been telling you for two weeks now that I don’t need to give anything for my birthday, but you still forgot about it!..

Honey, where are you taking the cake?
- I want to give it to my husband’s secretary.
- What is her birthday?
- No. Her figure is too slender.

Vovochka, what did you get for your birthday?
- Do you see, under the window, a Mercedes 600, turquoise?
- Yeah! Cool car!!
- This is exactly the same color cap...

Darling, give me something for my birthday so that I can exclaim:
- Wow! Lexus!

The blonde enters the church and begins to blow out the candles on the altar. Father is terrified:
- Girl, what are you doing??!
- And what? It's my birthday today!

“Birthday is a holiday of childhood” - words from a popular song by Igor Nikolaev, which very accurately describe the attitude of most people towards this event. Many would probably like to return, at least for a moment, to that wonderful time when it is impossible to contain the delight from the anticipation of fabulous surprises and gifts. So why not create the right mood for a loved one by coming up with an interesting scenario and a variety of options? A woman will love such a surprise. After all, representatives of the fair sex always remain children at heart.

Long live surprise!

The hero of the occasion will certainly remember the holiday if her guests show imagination and prepare an unusual congratulation together. The tone of unbridled fun will be set from the first minutes. The main thing is to agree in advance and stage your appearance. Costume and musical gags work flawlessly.

For a woman’s birthday, you can give her a performance by a gypsy group, for example. Entering guests with cheerful songs and dances will not leave the newborn indifferent. Moreover, it is not necessary to dress completely in gypsy outfits. A flower in the hair or a bright shawl will be enough for women. Men will be decorated with enthusiasm and fun. Children's tambourines and rattles can serve as musical instruments. If the birthday is celebrated in a cafe or restaurant, you can get together earlier and greet the culprit with the old majestic song “Our dear one has come to us.”

The celebration, held in the summer in the lap of nature, makes it possible to give the newborn a little exotic. A Hawaiian-style musical gathering will, of course, require preparation. You will need to make head wreaths and flower necklaces in advance. For the musical accompaniment of the performance, use the national Hawaiian melody, and instead of traditional instruments, you can again use baby rattles. But how beautiful it will be and will be remembered for a long time.

Entertainment and jokes for a woman’s birthday - script

Fun games, competitions and skits will help you escape the ordinary and create a special festive atmosphere. However, when preparing, you should remember that humor should not be offensive. You can't let a bad joke ruin everyone's holiday.

You can start the entertaining part of the celebration with the quiz “How well do you know the newborn?” Those who take on the role of host will have to prepare and draw up a list of questions for the guests, based on facts from the biography and preferences of the hero of the occasion. For example, where you studied, what specialty you have, what your hobbies are, what kind of vacation you prefer, your favorite color, your favorite dish, and the like. The guest who gives the most correct answers receives a prize.

Screen Star

A good continuation of the holiday would be a congratulation in the style of a film festival.

The presenter approaches the hero of the occasion and makes a speech similar to the introduction of a film award nominee: “I would like to present to the attention of the audience the heroine of such popular films as “Girls”, “Friends”, “Once More About Love”. The guests greet the “star” with thunderous applause. The presenter continues: “The talent of our beloved (name) is undeniable, so the plan for filming many interesting films in which she will shine has already been approved at the top. The schedule is tight and planned for many decades in advance. And we can only wish (name) good luck and great creative success on this difficult but interesting path.”

These funny birthday greetings (jokes) are suitable for a woman of any age. You just need to use your imagination and add movie titles that will suit the moment.

Magic to help

After the official toasts and greetings, you can joke a little and play funny sorcerers.

For the hero of the occasion, all guests write on pieces of paper for the next year. Then they put their birthday wishes and jokes into a pre-prepared and beautifully decorated box. A woman with humor will be interested to know what the mischievous fate has prepared through her friends.

Fortune telling using chocolate eggs with a toy inside will also be an interesting way of predicting and will show what is in store for the hostess of the holiday. You will need to buy several of these sweets, fortunately now manufacturers offer them with a variety of toys. Candies with cars, airplanes, motorcycles, and boats are suitable. All chocolate eggs are placed in a basket and covered with a towel. The newborn is asked to choose one by touch. The toy inside will indicate an upcoming acquisition. Fortune telling on the remaining eggs can be continued by family members or friends of the hero of the occasion. These will lift everyone's spirits. For a woman's birthday, just like a man, you can prepare a similar surprise.

Who will give the best praise?

A competition with this name will be a pleasant surprise for the birthday girl. The guests' task will be to describe the hero of the occasion in one word. For example, one calls her beautiful, another calls her smart, a third calls her cute, and so on. You can’t repeat yourself, the one who made a blunder is out of the game. The competition continues until the last participant. He is the winner and will receive a prize.

Jokes for a woman's birthday - short scenes

General fun will be provided by comic performances with the participation of all those present.

For example, you can imagine that the guests are doctors who helped the hostess of the holiday to be born. Now they have to assess her condition. Check appearance and reflexes. When the roles of the medical personnel and the words on the prepared cards are distributed, the presenter, as the chief physician (hereinafter referred to as the Chief Physician), begins the survey:

“What is the newborn’s pulse?”

Sister No. 1: “Joyful, with bursts of delight!”

GV: “What is the reaction of the pupils?”

Doctor No. 1: “Glowing with happiness!”

Sister No. 2: “Yes! Sometimes he sings songs, sometimes he laughs!”

GV: “Are the limbs normal?”

Doctor No. 2: “Even better, I’ve already chosen a shorter skirt!”

GV: “Is your hearing normal?”

Doctor #3: “He listens when he wants!”

GV: “Your sense of smell won’t let you down?”

Sister No. 3: “Keeps her nose to the wind and always in the direction of luck!”

GV: “What is your colleague’s conclusion?”

Everyone answers in unison: “She’s perfect, thanks to her parents!”

Everyone raises their glasses and toasts their parents.

Mom is our everything

There are also some nice jokes for older audiences. aged children and grandchildren can prepare. The well-known “train” dance will bring pleasure to both adults and children. The hostess of the holiday will portray a locomotive, and relatives and friends will line up behind her in trailers, holding the waist of the person standing in front. The family train will begin its journey to cheerful music. The task of the “locomotive” is to change speed and suddenly brake. The cars will occasionally lose traction and collide, leading to general fun. However, this scene requires a lot of space. Therefore, such jokes are suitable for celebrating outdoors or in a restaurant.

For a woman’s birthday who celebrates it at home, the “Loaf” scene is more suitable.

Children and grandchildren join hands and dance around the hero of the occasion, singing an old song with the words: “How on (name’s) name day we baked a loaf. Loaf, loaf, choose whoever you want.”

The hostess of the holiday answers: “I love, of course, everyone, but (the name of one of the round dance participants) more than anyone.” So, while the round dance is going on, the birthday girl takes each of the participants in turn to her center and tells him how much she loves him.

Return surprise

The hero of the occasion must also show imagination and surprise her guests with a surprise.

Comic videos or slideshows compiled from a common archive are also suitable. And members of her family or a couple of close friends can help prepare such interesting birthday jokes for a woman who does not have the skills to work with the appropriate computer programs.

The guests will be equally interested in a collage of photographs reflecting the history of spending time together with humorous comments. It won’t be difficult to make; you only need whatman paper, a supply of printed photographs, imagination and humor.