How does sympathy for a man arise?

The first thing any woman pays attention to is her appearance. In a few seconds, we scan a man who comes into our field of vision, noting to ourselves how he is dressed, what shoes he wears, how he smells, how he is shaved and combed his hair. If, from an aesthetic point of view, everything suits us, we put a “tick” in our mind next to the phrase “seems to fit.” And we begin to perceive the man “by ear,” that is, we evaluate what and how he says. And observe - evaluate how a man behaves in society. And here, at this stageIt is very important to take your time and listen and watch carefully!

The key to success in future happiness is already on early stages relationship to determine whether the prospective partner is capable of experiencing the highest moral feelings - conscience, empathy, compassion and honesty.

Sometimes this is not easy to do!

Example:

Lera met Victor at a friends birthday party. A common feast, slow dancing to romantic music, and a walk under the night moon immediately brought them closer together. A week after they met, Lera called Victor her man. He smiled indulgently in response.

In principle, Lera was pleased with her gentleman. True, Victor could not keep his promises, be late for the date or not come at all. But Lera attributed this to character traits that were unlikely to seriously overshadow their relationship. She was not alarmed by the fact that Victor could yell at a woman on the bus who had touched him with her elbow. And even when it turned out that Victor could not repay the debt to the husband of the very friend from whom they met, Lera did not sound the alarm. “He loves me,” she shrugged proudly. - “And the rest doesn’t bother me.”

When will Victor, after six months of courtship suddenly stopped communicating, Lera sobbed resentfully and in bewilderment: “What a scoundrel he is! If I knew..".

But she knew! I just didn’t want to notice!

From the first days, Lena convincingly lied to herself that everything was perfect. That this is her destiny. Lena wanted so much to quickly close the “question of finding the other half” that she turned a blind eye to Victor’s dishonesty in all its manifestations, justifying the situation in every way, and not even by comparing the merits and demerits of the chosen one (since he did not particularly demonstrate any merits, and justifying him directly there was nothing trivial), but independently attributed to him,imaginary attitude towards her. Lena, being a noble and decent person, really did not want to believe that not everyone in the world is as noble. She didn't want to admit to herself that Victor was a decent bastard. The fictional fairy tale seemed very beautiful.

This behavior is very typical of a modern, highly moral woman who has not lost faith in people. Guided by the stereotype stuck in the head “you need to get married, because if you go through men, then you are somehow wrong” and also fueled by emotions and physiological processes characteristic of the initial period of relationships, women at the very beginning of their journey either consciously or unconsciously turn a blind eye to manifestations of dishonesty on the part of a man. Or they simply do not have practical knowledge of how to determine the true essence of the man whose advances they accept.

To the question asked point-blank: “Is he a decent person?” - we will hear either a confident “yes” or a vague “in relation to me - yes.” While we are unlikely to be lucky enough to hear the reasonable, calm and wise answer “I hope so, but I can’t say so, since we have known each other for only a short time.” And of course, we are unlikely to hear “no,” since either a mentally unstable person or a woman guided by cold, cynical calculation can consciously enter into a relationship with a scoundrel.

Psychologists, what are psychologists, ordinary common sense tells us to connect our lives withnoble and decent people. Long term no dishonest man can make any woman happy for a long time. What is called, by definition. When we say “dishonest,” we do not mean a man with correctable shortcomings, such as sloppiness or laziness in everyday life. We mean a man who lacks the highest moral qualities, such as conscience, empathy, compassion and honesty, that is, a man who exhibits signs of psychopathy . And if you know how to correctly analyze a man’s behavior, know the principles of psychology, that is, know what to look at and how to interpret what you see, you can easily guess who is next to you, what his value system is and whether there is one at all.

The principle of quadruple repetition

Imagine that you have an internal counter, and before making a judgment about character person , mentally add one, noting actions whichs repeatare more than four times . Analyze the behavior of the person you are observing and track the number of repetitions of the behavior patterns that your potential partner chooses for himself in more or less similar situations.

So, A very indicative sign for nature is the desire or unwillingness to take revenge on the offender. If you notice that revenge has manifested itself four times or more, keep this in mind. In front of you most likelypsychopath - a person in whom feelings of anger and cruelty prevail (since revenge is always associated with cruelty and even violence). A person whose personality is governed by love, tolerance and generosity will be focused on forgiveness. Yes, he can take it out on the offender, he can even resort to revenge (and, often, regret it later), but these will be one-time, not recurring situations. A if a person took revenge four times, he will take revenge at any opportunity and enjoy it. It is quite possible that one day you or your child will anger him with something. Are you ready to deliberately become the object of a cruel person's revenge? Don't think.

The essence of the human soul is most truly revealed in crisis situations. No wonder there is a saying that a friend is a friend in need! It is extremely significant that How does a person behave when he has to make a difficult life choice? Does he take a position of unhealthy selfishness and act solely in his own interests, and choose a path that contradicts the interests of everyone else. Or his actions contain the idea of ​​caring not only for himself, but also for the environment. B A noble person will sacrifice personal gain for the well-being of loved ones in a crisis situation.

Very revealing in this regard was the behavior of some men against the backdrop of the flood in X. Crimean (Krasnodar region). When some men fled for their lives, abandoning everyone and everything, including their own families. Others, on the contrary, returned again and again to filled residential buildings, collecting and removing people. Even strangers. Even those with whom you were in a quarrel yesterday.

Relations within society. Pay attention to actions, they are always much more meaningful than words

Noble,decent Human respects and values ​​not only his own comfort and peace, but equally protects and appreciates the attitudes of the society in which he lives. Please note that how your chosen one treats strangers. Does he communicate with respect? service staff in a cafe, store or queue. IN outbursts of aggression or rudeness - clear reason be wary. Because a man who can be rude to a stranger will then be rude to the one next to him.

Small everyday troubles that do not concern a person personally reveal their nature very well. For example, banal assistance to a driver whose car is stuck on the road. You can drive by, or you can go out and help. As a rule, such situations do not take a lot of time, and yes, you can drive past once, because “there is no time”, you can do it a second time, but when your chosen one regularly ignores this kind of victims, and even allows himself derogatory statements from the “it’s his own fault” series “, keep in mind that one day he may begin to treat you the same way. Because such disrespect for others is characteristic of him in general, and not of would-be drivers in particular. And this must be understood very soberly. Such people show respect only where they seek personal benefits. They are not capable of disinterested expression of positive feelings, if they are able to feel at all (as is the case with psychopaths). Such a person will show or pretend to show love, affection and a desire to help only as long as it benefits him, as long as you give him something he needs, for example sex or money or a roof over his head. As soon as his need decreases, the incentive to express himself with the best side For such people it evaporates. By connecting your life with a person who is led by calculation, you risk one day realizing that you were simply used.

Constancy and loyalty. Will your love boat crash in everyday life?

A potential tendency to cheat, social and spiritual inconstancy can also be determined by indirect signs. Not always, but very often an excessive need for variety (in a variety of foods, frequent trips to new places, new entertainment and thrills) indicates that the state of a calm, measured life is such a man will be difficult to bear. The higher your companion's need for new emotions, adventures and thrills, the greater the chance that sexual and social, for example companionship, true awns are unusual for him. He's bored. He will always demand that the banquet be continued. Yes, for some it may go away with age. Others will be able to control the constant desire to “change the picture,” manage it, and even include their partner in the process of searching for new experiences, for example, traveling with you. But the fact remains that consistency is a difficult choice for such people.

To understand whether you have met a faithful person, you must try to objectively assess the degree of his readiness for the routine phenomena of life. Ask if he was diligent in school. Find out if he has any hobbies and how often he changes them. Ask your potential partner if he likes parties. Are you interested in extreme sports? Gently ask, if it is convenient, how long his relationship with your predecessors lasted. This is very valuable information, based on which it is easy to judge how constant a person is.

Aggression

The level of temper and, as a result, aggression can also be recognized by observing a person from the outside. Very informative processes involved a large number of participants focused on themselves and their own line of behavior, that is, non-team social processes. For example, you will learn a lot about your companion by observing him as a participant in public traffic. Look how he drives the car. If he is nervous, swears, jerks from row to row, always tries to be the first at a traffic light, “cuts off” neighboring cars, you can say with a 99% probability that in family life it will behave exactly the same. Here is a quick-tempered, hot-tempered, aggressive person for whom those around him are second-class citizens. The attitude towards them will be appropriate.

Criticism and perfectionism. Excessive demands on yourself and others

There is neither fire nor evil in hell for perfectionists. There are only slightly asymmetrical chipped cauldrons there.

Try to pay attention to howcriticalHumanin relation toto myself andto others. It is quite possible that the desire to bring everything to perfection is just a mask behind which lies excessive perfectionism. And constant criticism of everything around is an indicator low self-esteem and self-doubt.

After all, who is a perfectionist? Essentially this is a child who was unloved in childhood, who had to achieve parental love with perfect homework, clean floors and immaculately carved crafts. Growing up, perfectionists, who, alas, have not found another way of recognition, continue to strive for ideality and demand ideality from the person next to them. Sometimes a perfectionist's desire for ideals turns relationships into torture. Because they can exert enormous psychological pressure on their partner, justifying their actions with seemingly noble statements from the series “I just want it to be beautiful/correct/ideal.” Perfectionists and critics constantly try to “improve” their family members, gradually instilling in them the idea that they are not “good enough” before. And although it is possible to fight manifestations of hyperperfectionism, it is very difficult.

Decency

The attitude of a decent person towards the people around him is based onthe principle of mutual exchange - “you cannot only take or only give.” A nature whose life rules lie in this plane will always repay debts and will not be afraid to borrow money if loved ones need it. He will not only accept help, but also show an independent desire to help, that is, the balance of selfishness and altruism in a decent person is almost ideal.

In addition, about How decent a person your companion is can be judged by his loyalty to the word. Decent people either keep their promises or don't make them at all. This also includes selfish lies. If you witness a lie that your relationship partner tells someone around you, be on your guard! He will most likely lie within his own family.

Vulnerability

Degree vulnerability a partner is determined by how a person reacts to barbs addressed to him - indifferently or painfully cowering.

It is clear that you should not give yourself offense and that you should protect the one who is nearby if he is not able to protect himself. For example, a man who stands up for a woman evokes approval and support. However, there are situations when no one planned to attack, but the person himself came up with the idea and was offended. The excessive vulnerability of one of the partners sometimes results in a state of constant tension in the couple, since there is always a fear in the air of saying something “wrong” to such a sissy and getting into another scandal with elements of hysteria. Moreover, sometimes even an innocent joke can serve as a signal for offense. A very good level of vulnerability manifests itself when a person is in the center of attention. Allow yourself a bold joke at the expense of your partner, and by how adequate his reaction is, you can judge his vulnerability.

Vulnerability, in turn, is closely related to a person’s self-esteem. In order to evaluate the chosen one according to this criterion, you need to monitor his reaction to praise. WITH he will say thank you and smile - a sign of healthy self-esteem, he will begin to make excuses and assure that there is nothing to praise him for, or he will smugly raise his eyebrow, accepting good words for granted - signs of low self-esteem. Need I say that in life together Is it easier to communicate and negotiate with people with normal self-esteem? Because people with low self-esteem are characterized by touchiness, temper and perfectionism. And in a relationship, they most often need a nanny, whose meaning in life is to feel sorry for and help the innocent victim of life’s circumstances. And people with high self-esteem do not need a wife, but a fan. People with an abnormal level of self-esteem resist building partnerships, not allowing their partner to become on the same level with them. They need to stand either a little lower or a little higher. In both cases, the one who is told which step to take suffers more. In healthy relationships, people stand on the same level and do not try to consciously or even unconsciously manipulate each other.

Having determined person's character, then it is useful to find out what kind of life goals, interests, what he wants to get from the relationship. Therefore, when communicating, it is important be silent anymoreask more questions listen and watch! It is especially important to pay attention to the contradictions in your views on life and in the system of your and his values, because conflicts in this area will sooner or later appear. And do not rush to justify the gentleman you like, turning a blind eye to emerging shortcomings. Remember, everything that your chosen one does in relation to the environment, he will later broadcast within your union, in relation to you and your children!

Well, at the same time, do not forget about objectivity! If a person has demonstrated certain signs of deviation from the norm, for example, a temper has appeared, this does not mean that the relationship should be given up! There are no ideal people, but everyone has flaws. It’s just that in some cases they are insignificant and can be corrected, while in others they are incorrigible and clearly destructive. For example, the same hot temper in itself is just a character trait, and not a reason to run away from a man. A person can have a hot temperament and be impulsive, but at the same time he will never allow himself to show aggression towards a woman. It's one thing to vehemently criticize a politician on TV, and another to raise your voice at family members.

How to find this line between a slight tilt towards abnormality and a complete lack of chances for healthy partnerships can be read in the following chapters of the book “Illusions in Relationships”.

You can distinguish a fake from gold, it is easy to identify a counterfeit banknote, but recognizing a person is much more difficult. But if you have clear criteria for what it should be a real man, then, having gotten to know him better, you can tell exactly who invited you on a date: a fake or a nugget.

Any woman dreams of seeing a real man next to her, a certain prince on a white horse or a knight in armor. But the fairy-tale image does not always coincide with reality, and you can run into anyone. But girls really want to meet the ideal candidate for life partner.

In this article we will tell you what it means, in other words, what qualities a representative of the stronger half of humanity should have, according to women.

Masculinity

Perhaps the most important quality. After all, it is this that reveals the essence of a man, combining in him courage, honor, nobility, and the one who possesses this quality is very close to the image of his own ancestors.

Responsibility

According to women, a man should be responsible. Of course, in ancient times this was easier. Kill the beast, bring the prey and go hunting again - this is what the working day of our distant ancestor consisted of. Everything seems very simple, not like in modern world, where a man must bear much greater responsibility. It is necessary not only to protect and feed your family, but also to “turn on” your head in certain situations. And this is quite a difficult task.

Ability to keep your word

There are people who say one thing and do something completely different. And there are men who refuse words for the sake of self-interest. You can't do that. If he gave his word, he will keep it, even if it does not bring him any benefit. These representatives of the stronger sex will always be valued and respected.

Courage

A man must be doubly brave: for himself and for his companion. It is unacceptable to hide behind the backs of your mothers and wives.

Honesty

Not all representatives of the stronger sex have this quality. Most people even lie to their wives. Of course, you can deceive others, but you definitely cannot deceive yourself. The main thing is to be honest with yourself.

Decency

We can say that this is synonymous with honesty. It is a very rare quality among the male population. It’s unlikely to be found 100% anywhere. After all, he must protect, feed and love his own family, not cheat on his wife, respect the elderly, not do bad things, never cheat, etc. This image is too utopian. And if you meet such a man, then you can exhibit him in a museum as a valuable and rare antique.

Kindness

This quality should be inherent in every representative of the stronger sex, especially if they have their own family. Without a good attitude, it is impossible to raise children. Of course, this does not stop some, but what will come of their offspring in the future?

The main sign of kindness is respect for old age and love for animals. In general, to find out the “true” face of a man, you need to find out how he feels about “striped and mustachioed people.” Also pay attention to how he speaks about own parents or grandparents.

Hard work

This is one of the qualities that reflects the essence of a man. It closely resonates with the responsibility we wrote about above. A man should not be lazy, because he is the provider of resources (money) for his family. In addition, there are many household chores that a woman cannot cope with. You have to be a man and help your chosen one, and not lie on the couch with a can of beer and watch TV.

Determination

One of the most important qualities. Any man should know what he wants to achieve and it can be in different areas: hobbies, sports, career, work. If there is no goal, then a man simply goes with the flow, and everything is his free time consumes surfing the Internet, TV, drinking, lying on the couch, etc.

Sense of humor

In general, it is very difficult to live without it, and it is also quite difficult to conquer a woman, resolve a delicate situation, etc. In modern reality, a sense of humor is not just important, it is vital. As one satirist said: “If it weren’t so funny, it would be scary.”

Mind

For many women, it is the mind that reflects the essence of a man. If it is not enough, then the person is unlikely to make a good head of the family. Raising children, solving everyday problems, making money - all this falls entirely or partially on men's shoulders. And in organizing and calculating all this, the mind plays a primary role.

Sexuality and attractiveness

Many people believe that men should never be attractive with their appearance. This is a misconception. Of course they should! But we are not talking about this, but about real male sexuality and attractiveness, when a woman walking next to her feels both safe and pleasant.

Intuition

Although it is not so developed in men, nevertheless, each of them should have some kind of sixth sense that suggests that a woman needs help. The main task of a representative of the stronger sex is to console, protect, help in Hard time, or just be nearby.

Mutual aid

The famous actor said in an interview: “I don’t separate housework into men’s and women’s. If necessary, I can sew on a button, wash, cook, and change the child’s diaper.” This is what a man can be! And that's absolutely normal. Moreover, this is how it should be. If before women were engaged exclusively in household chores, now they work equally with men. Moreover, they may also be late at work. Therefore, a real man will not tell the woman who returned after have a hard day to his wife that he was too tired and would not do anything.

Mobility

In the fast pace of modern life, a man simply must be active and mobile. Sitting in one place, you cannot feed yourself or your own family. And only parasites and lazy people sit out their pants.

Independence

Many women, when asked “what is the essence of a man,” answer: “independence.” That is, the ability to solve absolutely any problems without anyone’s help.

Accuracy

This does not mean metrosexuals, who do not care about anything other than their appearance. We are talking about basic rules of personal hygiene and minimal care for your appearance. Remember, people always greet you by their clothes.

Own opinion

A man must have unbreakable principles on any issue. Otherwise, he will either become henpecked or already is.

Devotion

At the moment, this quality is more characteristic of swan relationships than of human ones. Although ideally every man should be devoted.

Love

To parents, beloved, children, acquaintances, relatives and more. Love for others and the whole world... because without it it is difficult to live and be in harmony with oneself.

Conclusion

So, the essence of a man is expressed in his presence of the qualities listed above. Although they are not a panacea. After all, every woman has her own understanding of what a real man should be.

A decent person evokes only positive emotions. It’s nice to communicate with him, it’s nice to look at him, they trust him.

You can determine whether your boyfriend is a decent person by looking at his actions. Words darken your eyes, and the person seems worthy, but the veil falls and a man who knows how to beautifully tell fairy tales appears before you.

So how can you determine a guy’s integrity at the beginning of a relationship? What qualities does he have? This word is capacious and includes a lot of virtuous qualities and positive characteristics.

Let's figure out where the line is that separates a decent act from a dishonest one. What character traits and personal properties should a guy have so that his actions do not raise even a shadow of doubt about what kind of person he is?

Decency - what is it?

Despite the fact that psychologists, activists and others have already interpreted decency, focusing on a person’s field of activity, this concept is very subjective.

Everyone can characterize a person’s integrity based on their own views, life experience, and personal qualities.

The main characteristic of the concept is a person’s honesty, which is on par with generally accepted social norms of behavior. In other words, such a person complies with all established moral, state and other laws of society. He does not allow himself to commit vicious, base acts that go against accepted norms.

This is not an innate quality of a person, but an acquired one. Its development is influenced by the surrounding society, parents, teachers. Television, books read, friends and acquaintances play an important role.

But even if life circumstances were such that a growing person did not have an example of behavior before his eyes, he can, if he wishes, become such a person. The work is not easy, because it is not enough to control actions, you need to learn, and most importantly, thoughts.

A decent guy - what is he like?

Let's look at the traits inherent in such a guy. The list is far from complete; a lot depends on character, situations and other aspects of life.

1. Honesty. It is logical that a dishonest guy cannot be decent. After all, honesty characterizes a person with positive side. This trait is . Knowing that the guy is honest, they trust him with their secrets without fear. Those who possess this quality become a strong support in the family, creating happiness and comfort around them.

1. Nobility. This trait gives the guy bright impulses and pure thoughts. At all times, great things have been accomplished by noble people. Noble guys are kind natures who are characterized by serving good motives and intentions. Such guys are valiant and honest; without thinking about their own benefit and well-being, they go to the rescue if they are sure that the goal meets moral standards.

1. Generosity. The guy is not greedy or selfish. Generosity allows people, regardless of financial status, to extend a helping hand to disadvantaged, vulnerable and lonely people. And if anyone needs a benefactor, he will become a support point for him.

1. Justice. This character trait helps to understand any situation. The guy will not offend oppressed people, he will get to the bottom of things to understand the person’s position. Whether this quality is positive or negative is difficult to judge. It is often difficult for fair people to see the truth; they are often led by the nose. But, if the guy is sure that the injured party is right, then he will do everything to help him.

1. Optimism. Yes, such guys are no strangers, they live according to their conscience, believe in a bright and good future and know that evil will be punished. Thanks to optimism, such guys are free from negative side life, this trait helps them to be honest.

1. Modesty. Even if a guy has only positive qualities and is liked by everyone without exception, he does not brag about it. This same character trait can become a kind of brake in achieving the goal, because it is not inherent in stubborn people who go over their heads to achieve the desired results.

1. Loyalty. The guy must have this trait. This means loyalty to the girl, to the cause, to the people, to everything that and with whom he does. The guy doesn’t even think about whether to be faithful to him or not, it’s a matter of course.

1. Caring. A person lives in a society and is surrounded by people, such a guy takes care of loved ones. If he is not able to lend a helping hand, he is a guy, nothing more.

1. Cheerfulness. Human, loving people and life in all its manifestations cannot but be cheerful. And, to feel happy, a guy doesn’t need external manifestations, this is his essence. He is able to enjoy not only material wealth and the successes of the people he loves, but also the perception of life, life. Being next to a cheerful guy, you will feel how love for everything that surrounds you awakens in your soul. Such people have many friends, they are always in the center of the company, but at the same time they do not boast about it.

1. Courage. A guy's positive qualities would not be complete without courage. Can a cowardly person be called worthy? A brave person is not capable of betraying in a difficult situation, saving his own skin. A brave person is able to achieve his goal without causing harm to the people around him.

1. Punctuality. This guy doesn't show up late for no reason. And even if urgent circumstances arise, he will solve them or at least warn about his lateness in advance. This character trait helps you achieve a lot in life; it guarantees a clear daily routine, thanks to which all matters are resolved easily and naturally.

1. Politeness. The guy doesn't communicate like a "gopnik". He is polite and courteous. He does not allow himself rude expressions, angry statements, it is not difficult for him to ask and talk to all people politely, regardless of the situation.

If your boyfriend has these qualities, if his words do not differ from his actions. If you see that there are always a lot of people around him who love him, who trust him. Know that you have found a rare specimen - a decent guy.

A man with whom it is impossible to build normal, happy family , gives itself away in the first months of acquaintance, if you look closely. Having discovered in the chosen one obvious signs of one of the following 9 types of men, you should not hope that he will change, and trust his self-promotion and promises. Such a man is not just “not ideal” or has “shortcomings”, but is generally incapable of normal relationships. Only disappointment and pain await him... Do you need it?

What should you be wary of in a man?

1. Signs of a flighty romantic or swindler

Before you even get to know each other, he already declares his love and proposes? Romantic! But think for yourself: a person who understands what family and responsibility are, or that relationships are deep intimacy, will actually propose unknown girl under the influence of sudden charm? Such frivolity is more typical of an immature, infantile man.

This is also how scammers behave, hoping to trick you as quickly as possible. But even if he does not turn out to be a marriage swindler, then still, at the slightest difficulty, he will just as easily abandon his intentions, and in general he hardly imagines what it is serious relationship, twisted in .

He is not ready to cope with difficulties. Such men usually easily make a lot of promises and take on a lot of obligations, trying to impress and assuring them of their reliability. But truly reliable people very rarely make promises after carefully weighing first whether they can actually keep them. And more often than not they promise, but do.

2. Signs of an alcoholic (or any addict)

This is not about the fact that he occasionally drinks a bottle of beer after work or sometimes plays a shooter game, although this should be alarming, but about dependencies with all that it implies. People have a tendency to become addicted psychological type(dependent personality disorder), with which it is impossible to build a normal family. Even if such a person does not use, he prefers to avoid problems instead of solving them, and is also fundamentally not responsible for his actions.

During the candy-bouquet period, you may not know that he likes to drink or hangs out in games for days. How to determine such a tendency? Listen to how and what he says. Such a man often talks about himself in the passive voice or uses impersonal figures of speech, such as: “It happened that way”, “They brought me to it”, “I was forced”, “I was unlucky” - that is, he always finds the reason for what happens to him and what he does, not in himself, but in something or someone else. This is a future (or already real) alcoholic, or at least an infantile person who will have to be babysat.

Even if he extols her, chanting her “divine” qualities, supposedly inaccessible to a man, he still does not recognize her as a person, categorically refusing her “male” compensation. This will manifest itself more clearly as soon as he considers that some woman does not live up to the standards of a “goddess” - she immediately becomes a “goat”, unworthy of human relations.

A man who despises women in principle, considers them “second-class” and is capable of being rude to them, will eventually treat you the same way, no matter how much he initially assures you that you are “special” and not like those “goats”. Naturally, you can immediately say goodbye to a man if he lets slip about how he hit (pushed, threatened, humiliated - and thus put it in place) one of your exes, if you don’t want to walk around with bruises.

Everything a man accuses his ex of will then be addressed to you!

5. Signs of a boor

A boor is a person who is unable to respect others: their interests, opinions, personal space. Such a person always does not respect himself - and this cannot be cured. It will not be possible to force a boor to make an exception for you personally. Worse, rudeness over the course of life will turn into outright rudeness, even to the use of force, especially with children. During the courtship period, he can be gallant and helpful. But this courtesy is ostentatious, and not born of sincere attention, and in small things he will still give himself away.

Be wary if a man: is late without warning, “forgets” your requests and warnings, does not take care of his appearance, reaches out and tries to kiss when you don’t want it. Laughing, he overcomes your weak resistance - such a man is often convinced that a woman's “no” is “yes” and acts in accordance with this “truth”.

But the easiest way to recognize a boor is in relationships with other people. If he throws dust in your eyes, then he will not stand on ceremony with others. Look how he behaves with taxi drivers, waiters, in line, how he talks with his friends, and especially with those with whom he is in conflict. It is in conflict that boor manifests itself in all its glory! A person who respects himself and others will never cross certain boundaries - he will not insult, humiliate, be rude... A boor keeps himself within limits only while everything is fine or when circumstances force him.

6. Signs of a domestic tyrant

Does a man like to talk about “a woman should”? Speaks: “I need a woman such and such - and you’re just the right one.”? Here it is too obvious that such a person is incapable of building relationships - he needs a servant and a cook and someone to boss around... Perhaps he will even himself do what a man “should” do, but he is not interested in either you as a person or your feelings and interests. And you won't be interested. Are you ready for this?

It happens that at first the tyrant disguises himself. He is emphatically respectful of your freedom and choice, while avoiding expressing his desires and preferences. This should be alarming. If a person truly respects another, he expects the same respect for himself - and will not only ask about your desires, but also voice his own in order to come to mutual agreement, and will not fuss, trying to shift responsibility.

A normal person is not afraid of conflicts of interest, being able to resolve conflicts without going beyond mutual respect. The tyrant, at first, can avoid any conflicts, knowing behind himself that he will not be able to hide his essence. Instead, he will expect (even demand in the depths of his soul) that those close to him “guess themselves” about his needs, and will be offended by those who are slow-witted, accusing them of inattention and indifference.

He may say: “As you say!”, “Everything is for you,” because he does not believe in the possibility that it is possible to reach an agreement taking into account the interests of both. He has an “either-or” scheme: “win-lose”. Sooner or later, the poles will change - and you will be required to “everything for him”; he will try to “win” at your expense.

7. Signs of an eternal bachelor

Is your chosen one the “life of the party”? These men are very attractive - they have charm, a sense of humor, etc. They have many friends and many ideas for how to have fun. There is nothing wrong with a person knowing how to relax. It’s bad when he lives only for entertainment and communication with friends. He is not interested in work, study, career growth... and family too.

What does he talk about, what is he proud of? If all conversations are based around entertainment, friends and hobbies, he has no business plans, and his highest assessment of something: “high” is a bad sign. Such a man is very jealous of his “freedom”. He may be carried away by you, but he will still keep you at a distance, and you will see for yourself that the relationship with you in his life takes...-eleventh place. You may be able to marry him on the promise that you won't mind his friends and hobbies. But do you need it?

You will have to have fun with him and host his friends, which can be a lot of fun until the kids come. Family is not entertainment, he will be bored and hard, and he will always strive to run away to his friends, while you flop around with the child in your arms, solving all the problems yourself. And even if he is at home, he will still find something to amuse himself with (he will hang in in social networks, for example), - and you won’t get through... Even if such a person does not escape from the “bonds of marriage,” then you will still really be “alone with a living husband.”

8. Signs of a walking man

“You are the most beautiful of all the girls I have ever met!”- such a recognition reveals his passion for “collecting” girls. The womanizer is successful with women, he knows how to look after beautifully, “professionally,” but deep down he has a low opinion of women and believes that anyone can be seduced. And usually “all women are whores” with him.

He needs victories, not relationships. And after defeating you, he will get bored. And if you hear reasoning from the series: “All men are polygamous” and “We cheat only with the body - and this doesn’t mean anything, the main thing is not with the soul,” then everything is clear with him: he will not miss the opportunity to “cheat with the body”: ) Unreasonable jealousy can also be an unpleasant surprise from such a man - after all, it is human nature to judge by oneself.

9. Signs of a jealous person

A jealous person, I think, is the easiest to recognize. The trouble is that women are flattered by his possessiveness at first - they think that this is love, that this is how they are distinguished from others. Although in fact jealousy speaks of his deep lack of self-confidence. But something else is worse - a jealous man does not trust a woman and does not respect her. He does not consider her capable of choosing and being faithful to her choice. It is impossible to build normal relationships without trust, not to mention that a jealous person is simply dangerous.

A jealous man treats a woman as his property, an inanimate object. At first, this manifests itself romantically: “I won’t give you to anyone!”, “You are mine and only mine!”, “I don’t want anyone to stare at your beauty except me - wear this skirt only at home.” He may “carefully” button up the top button on your blouse in public... And when jealousy takes on threatening forms, alas, it is already difficult to get rid of the jealous person.

How not to make a mistake in a man?

Do normal, decent men even exist?! - Of course, they do - and often! Even some of the above signs may not be a “diagnosis” - it is necessary to take into account the age and family in which the man grew up.

For example, being sociable at the age of 16-20 does not necessarily mean that the young man will live for entertainment - these are simply characteristics of his age. Deliberate rudeness may simply be bravado, a clumsy demonstration of “masculinity” that will also pass. Drinking and gambling does not necessarily indicate a tendency towards alcoholism, but may simply be a tribute to the company - what is important here is not the fact of drinking, but the personality type and the degree of involvement. We will talk about alcoholism later - subscribe to updates.

Of course, it is worth looking at his father and relationship with his mother. There is a chance that a man who grew up without a father will good husband and father, if his relationship with his mother is good (healthy!) - such boys already know how to build a normal relationship with a woman, and having suffered without a father, they are unlikely to abandon their child. But if a boy grew up with an unworthy father, then the likelihood that he will reproduce his model of relationships in the family and life position is almost 100%, no matter how much he says that he does not understand and condemns his father’s behavior.

And vice versa, if his father is a worthy and decent person and his mother is happy with him, then there is hope that some negative signs that you notice in a man will disappear without a trace in the future. But if you find in your chosen one obvious signs of the above-mentioned types, and especially several at once, then you should not hope for change!

Many negative signs are interrelated and follow from one another, that is, they can be combined in one person. Jonah happens often alcoholic. Misogynist or jealous even more often - domestic tyrant. There are also all the signs in one. However, it is useless to try to understand men and memorize the signs of unworthy men without solving your problems.

Who and why do we choose? If your personal life is always unsuccessful, you come across only the heroes of this article, and you don’t even believe that there are others, but you hope to heal them with your “love” or simply humbly endure, considering this to be “a woman’s lot,” then the problem is with you themselves. But this can be fixed—I recommend, for example, that you read the book and start sweeping out the “cockroaches” that lead you into an unhealthy relationship.

If it seems that he deceived you, pretended to be a “prince”, and then turned out to be a “monster” - it seems. No one pretends - a person always reveals his best side when he falls in love. And we all tend to unconsciously demonstrate qualities that are directly opposite to shortcomings. But that’s why we close our eyes to the “bells”, joyfully believing in the initial demonstration and immediately starting to dream about family and children - good question. Most often because the man’s personality is of little interest.

© Nadezhda Dyachenko