A new fairy tale about Pinocchio.

Italiano Pepperoni - very tasty pasta!
Eat olives, eat pasta, with hot Tabasco sauce!
So the fairy tale began, about a boy with a long nose. The one who turned from a log into an oligarch.

Once upon a time there was an old organ grinder... He didn’t make anything at all... Only an old organ grinder, collecting dust in his corner.
A man lived in a closet, a kennel a little larger, the only amenities were a toilet, and even that was two hundred meters away.
There was only one friend - Giuseppe, he worked as a carpenter, usually a couple of times a month - the rest of the time he fermented.
And the organ grinder gathered here to visit his friend. Before that, he came in for a bottle of strong Grappa.
"Hello "Blue Nose" Giuseppe!" (it was a rush), “What new thing have you cooked up? Or are you just drinking again?” -
“I haven’t done anything in a week, my friend Carlo. I just found an old log in the trash heap. I’ve got hemorrhoids, so it hurts even to fart! And I’m just sitting here drinking - this is such entertainment!”
“It’s okay my friend, Giuseppe, what can we do - it’s old age... We’ll drink a glass and we’ll immediately feel better.”
Suddenly the bottle was empty... Everything about everything - about fifteen minutes... These two sick Old Farts, but they drink like students...
As usual, after drinking, they needed to fight, what kind of drinking is there without a fight? When are two best friends?!!!
A hook to the jaw, from the shoulder - this is an old organ grinder hitting... Here with a log, a roundhouse hit on the forehead - already Giuseppe!
Having had a lot of fun, everyone was satisfied - “You know what, take a log! It might still come in handy.”
Taking the log under Carlo’s armpit, he was about to go home, but the log turned around and poked him in the eye out of anger!
It's good that he missed - he could have been left without an eye! “What the fuck did you give me today?
Or do you want to do it all over again, get screwed again?!" - "What are you doing, Carlo! As possible! It looks like it’s just a log!!!”
“Hey, idiots! Stop fermenting! - that log told them - It would be better to get down to business to earn money!”
Looking at each other, Carlo was the first to say the word - “You know what, my friend Giuseppe - we need to put an end to the drinking.”
And without saying a word, he silently tramped home, thinking along the way: “What is this strange log?”
Out of grief, having made five hundred grams of Grappa from the bottling, he came home at night, hiccupping deafeningly.
Early in the morning he woke up, “Hey idiot, stop sleeping!” - This is a strange log, it has a clear voice.
"Stop sleeping - take the plane! Let's make Pinocchio!" Farting loudly, old Carlo fell out of bed.
“You probably can’t drink anymore - So “Squirrel” comes...” “What a lie, old fool! Quickly picked up your ass from the floor!”
Having sobered up at that moment, he decided to ask the question: “What is this wonderful little animal that is blowing my mind right now?”
“I’m an ordinary young boy, just a little bewitched, an evil witch-drug addict... I’ve turned into a log... But it’s possible to save me - you just need to take a plane! But the only “Hat” - I’ll remain wooden!”
Old Carlo took the plane, assessing with a dull look that it would be better to put the log in the firebox - at least it would be warm.
At that second, having unraveled the Old Fart’s bad thoughts, the log, and with a running start, struck a blow to the balls!
And the organ grinder, having seen all the stars in the sky, lay down on the floor in the middle of the closet with a quiet cry...
“So what?” the log said, “Shall we repeat it one more time? Or maybe we’ll do a miraculous transformation?”
“No, thank you...” said Carlo. “I feel much better already! Very quickly and clearly, you explain the essence to me...”
Taking the plane firmly in his hands, he began to plan the log... A wonderful miracle happened! - Pinocchio appeared!
With a long nose, like a heron’s, so that you can eat candy, he clapped his eyes and said - “Beloved dad!”
Old Carlo shed tears - he had dreamed of being a dad all his life! It’s just a pity that by nature, he was congenital impotent...
So the boy appeared in the life of an old scoundrel who had been turning a barrel organ all his life and had never worked...
The two men began to live together, Papa Carlo became happy! Every evening Buratino brought a glass of Grappa.
And one day Carlo said, “You need to learn to read and write, otherwise, Pinocchio, you will remain a piece of wood.”
And in the morning, the old bastard went to a flea market to get hold of books for the Boy from Aspen...
Papa Carlo sold the jacket... “God be with her, with this old jacket, but now I can make Pinocchio smart!”
With this joyful thought, he got ready to go home, not forgetting to drink Grappa from the tavern along the way.
“Hello wooden boy! My beloved Pinocchio! I brought a book as a gift so that you can become an oligarch!
""All about raider takeovers"" - this is a gift for you, maybe you will become great, like Uncle Karabase!..."
“Oh thank you, dear dad! How happy I will be now!” and hugging the old fart Carlo, he quietly farted.
“Tomorrow you’re going to school! Stop fooling around at home! Go to bed and tomorrow morning, I’ll sew some clothes for you!”
I glued a jacket together from paper, made a cap from a sock... "Very creative and almost modern..."
Early in the morning, Pinocchio came out of Papa Carlo's closet, He went out to the seashore and fell into worldly life...
The path was, of course, to school (initially it was supposed to be), but for some reason, on the way, I met a stray booth.
Performances were given there (and not only for children)... Music played loudly, moans of passion were heard!
“What a miracle this institution is!” the boy thought to himself, “There is a school, there has been and there will be, but this is the first time!”
There's Malvina on the poster, openly wearing a blue thong, inviting all the boys, and not just to laugh...
Having quickly exchanged the book for a ticket to the "Valley of Passion", Buratina plunged into the world of sin and pleasure...
Three prostitutes began to “take in” the boy at once, and he came without holding back - eight times in three minutes!
And as a reward for bliss, that which returns to life, Buratina famously did
they have magical cunnilingus!
Those prostitutes were shocked - Pinocchio is simply a Guru! If only he wants, everything will be given to him for free!
Wooden, overwhelmed by such magical miracles, sadly thought, “Why haven’t I met this circus before!...”
Then a man with evil eyes enters the arena, That is the owner of porn studios, the bearded Karabase!
Announces a super competition “Whoever cracks a nut will receive three hundred Euros! For an attempt - only a hundred!”
Pinocchio, inspired, decided to try his luck, Strike! The nut is cracked! His dick is just like new!
Because Papa Carlo did everything in his life conscientiously! He even whittled the boy’s pussy with a knife for two days!
Karabase is simply shocked! “I got three hundred Euros! We need to lure this boy to the circus as soon as possible...”
Immediately after the performance, he called him over and offered him a job - to be an actor in porn studios.
“No problem!” said the boy, “There are only a couple of conditions - we’ll take Papa Carlo from the Damn, stinking Closet...”
Karabas, having heard about this, put his fist in his mouth and, having given a thousand Euros, sent the boy home...
And saying goodbye - “Let him extend the lease for another forty years, I’ll buy his closet!”
Pinocchio was surprised (despite the fact that there was sawdust in his brain) “What does Uncle Karabas need, that stinking shack?
Apparently the matter here is not pure, there is most likely a secret..." Having skipped home, he returned the book to the Lombard.
On the way, getting hungry, he decided to eat at a tavern. Two people sat down with him there - a tattered cat with a stinking fox...
Seeing that there was money in Buratina’s wallet, the Cat said that he was an investor in the field of nanotechnology!
They say that he knows the place - the training ground is one secret, it is only possible there overnight to get
Three hundred percent!
Pinocchio, opening his mouth, ordered the cat to quickly show that magical clearing where the miracle will be!
Having drunk more Chianti, the wooden blockhead, the Three left the tavern, with the thought of making quick money...
And having decided to speed things up (not to bother with the garbage dump), Pinocchio was given a terrible dose of Clonidine.
It’s a gift that it’s wooden - he stuck the Euro in his mouth - It just didn’t work out that way, to get hold of the investment!
And having hung Pinocchio on a birch tree, brains down, the Scoundrels went to bed to continue again in the morning.
At the same time, Malvina went for a walk in the dense forest, and saw the boy hanging with his ears to the ground.
Immediately calling Artemon (she was walking with him alone) - They took the boy down from the tree - he was pretty shabby...
The eye is blackened, and the jacket is in tatters... - the cat tried his best, But the prankster is wooden - he doesn’t give up so easily!
Having laid him on the ground, Malvina immediately revived the Wooden boy with a miraculous blowjob!
And having fallen in love with Pinocchio (or rather, his little birdie) - “Let’s live together and act in porn films!”
And the depraved Malvina, after these proposals, Fucked very passionately the wooden hero.
“Well, no!” said the boy, “Big things await me... I need to solve the mystery of what’s in Papa Carlo’s closet!”
And having come to his senses a little, he went home, limping... “What’s in our old closet that Karabas needs so much?...”
He came home in the morning, his eye was blackened and he was limping, “What happened to you, son?” - Carlo screamed in grief!
And the boy, having told him everything that happened to him yesterday, even then himself did not understand what kind of secret was revealed to them...
Carlo remembered about the Tortila that he saved from Duremar, and the story about the key that unlocked the door!
The puzzle came together overnight! “Fuck, son, we’re rich!” - the old organ grinder shouted, and peed himself with happiness.
“It’s just a matter of small things, you need to take the magic key!” - The one that old Tortila kept in the depths of the pond.
“Don’t worry, Papa Carlo! There will be our magic key. Now I know exactly what is important for women in life!”
Despite the fact that it was very early, having quickly drunk a cup of coffee, Wooden with a quick step, retired into the thicket of the forest...

Buratina went out to the pond, he began to call the turtle... Tortila suddenly appeared from the stinking swamp...
With a sad, clouded look, from a drinking binge after schnapps, the turtle looked at young Pinocchio...
“Come on, scarecrow in a case, bring me the key from the bottom! And let’s be quick, they’re waiting for me at the party!”
The turtle went crazy from Pinocchio's requests... "Shouldn't I fart in your ear? You fucking rotten thing..."
And burping with fumes, saying in a squeaky voice - “I’m ready to give the key, just for Duremar’s eggs...”
“Okay,” said the boy, poking his wooden nose at the piles of dung and cows that were lying everywhere...
“I’ll bring you Koki, from the Hirudotherapist... Because damn, I want to touch the Key...”
The cunning boy Buratini ran and skipped, resounding with the sound of his wooden pussy knocking all over the area.
And Tortila, sinking into the depths of the swamp mud, sadly sank into the thought that she was often tormented...
- Here is a boy, very young, he catches leeches with a net... He takes them to the pharmacy to earn money.
And that boy, the prankster, looks at the girls’ butts, his eye glued to the hole that was in the wall of the toilet.
After these exercises, he masturbated often, in the reeds of the swamp thicket, so that everything would remain a secret...
But one day he came across a turtle shell - it was a drunken Tortila, she was in a coma.
I pulled my head in tightly, seventeen centimeters, so that the hole looked like a vagina, damn it.
"That's the thing!" The young boy Duremare was surprised - “We need to test that hole, maybe it will be even better!”
Inspired by this thought, he mastered this business! So drunk Tortila went crazy instantly!
Having sobered up with too much drinking, almost choking on sperm, biting a boy on the penis - the turtle got a bonus!
A young boy, Duremare was crazy with orgasm, at that second he screamed - “Wow, this gadget!”
So the boy made friends with a miraculous device and hid it in a pond, tying it to a stick with twine...
The young boy Duremare enjoyed himself every day, everything was almost perfect! Not for a turtle...
The turtle, having quickly given up alcoholism, took spermicine masks daily.
This did her good - she began to look younger. Without lying, let's be honest - about forty years!
But one day Papa Carlo was going to fish, and the old bastard came to the pond, believing that he could...
“We need to make a fishing rod... This stick will do!” And the turtle begged - “Anything but sex!”
Papa Carlo was surprised, what is the use of this shell? And I heard a story about the magical Golden Key!
Having seized one moment (Papa Carlo got distracted here) - A turtle fell into the pond, like a torpedo on a marine fleet!
Papa Carlo was overwhelmed by the magical story. He trudged home with sadness, having already forgotten about the fish.
This is the reason for the terrible Turtle’s anger towards the boy from the orphanage who caught leeches with a net.
But let’s return to our fairy tale - it will be interesting further, because Pinocchio is so simple, he doesn’t give up!

Pinocchio, pretending to be a knotty piece of wood, quietly hid in the toilet - waiting for the Hirudotherapist!
And after waiting for Duremar, he took out a penknife - “Nothing, it will do just fine,” Buratino thought at once.
“Very rusty, but usable and also very sharp! – because Papa Carlo is the best dad in the world!”
Duremar sat down to poop, over the asshole, of the “Hole” system And instantly and silently - The eggs became Pinocchio!!!
Duremar, uttering a very loud and terrible scream, quickly fell into the hole and disappeared forever in poop!
Pinocchio, with a light heart, anticipating his wealth, ran back to the pond to see the turtle.

"Hello Grandma Tortila! I brought you eggs! Not from the chicken and chicken, but from Uncle Duremar!
Never again, he's in the pond catching leeches! Hurry up and get me a key made of gold!”
The turtle shed tears, for how many years he had been tormented by the thirst for revenge on the turtle, the pervert Duremar!
“Okay,” she said, “You, I see, are a nice boy! How many times have you already tried, terrible Uncle Karabase -
Duremara kept watch for eight years in a stinking toilet, But he didn’t achieve success - his beard was just covered in shit!”
“And from here in more detail, tell me Tortila, What happens - Karabase has been looking for the key here for eight years?”
“Yes, wooden boy, Karabase is just crazy! He said that this key is the key to untold wealth...”
“Everything is clear - he thought - The key, the closet, everything worked out...” - “Here, quickly take the key! Nice boy Pinocchio!”

Here they are standing in the closet, Papa Carlo with Buratina, and the fireplace with the cauldron in front of them is painted on canvas...
Pinocchio, with a long nose, he’s like a bunch of dung, He quickly pierces the canvas, and under it is a piece of iron!
Having torn off the canvas, they saw the door to the secret safe, Which was secretly walled up in this old closet.
“Papa Carlo, we are rich!” Buratino shouted loudly, “And the brute Karabase will sniff the little beard!”
The key in the keyhole, quietly clicking, turned, A secret was revealed to their gaze - that it was the greatest!
In the safe there was a controlling interest in the shares of the old theater, which in great Italy was built a long time ago!
And to boot, diamonds, four hundred grams, no less, of the most fabulous cut and colors of magical beauty...

The knock was very loud... “Open up, you scoundrels!” - the owner of the porn studios was breaking the door, trying to open it.
This is a drunken Tortila, Karabasu spilled the beans, they say the key has already been received by a cheerful guy - Pinocchio!
Because he managed to bring justice to Duremar, for his desecrated youth, and for S&M sex...
“That’s it... - thought Karabase - La Scala will no longer be seen - After all, control over that theater was seized by Buratina!”
Meanwhile, hastily, Papa Carlo and Pinocchio went down the rope, outside the window that hung...
And they ran towards the forest, their friends were there ready to give the evil Uncle Karabas a big kick!
Harlequin held a slingshot, he wielded it delicately - Out of a dozen rotten eggs, twelve hit the target!
And Piero - he was a noble poet, he composed poems excellently, he knew how to crumble with obscenities - it was very offensive to everyone!
As for Malvina, she was good at sex, but having fallen in love with Pinocchio, she immediately gave up porn...
Artemon (he was a dog) He was on Karabas’s ass, He tore his trousers into shreds, so that his balls were visible!
Karabas lies defeated, in a muddy puddle near the forest, without pants and no money, Pinocchio got it all!
Because Buratina bungled the additional share issue, and Karabas only had two sticks left in his hands!
And Malvina and Pinocchio gave birth to children - wooden men with noses like herons.

Musicians from all over the world are carrying suitcases of money for Papa Carlo and Pinocchio to sing in the wonderful theater!
Oh, I forgot about Papa Carlo - he’s in the theater with “Blue Nose” - they announce performances, and then they ferment together!
This is how the fairy tale turned out! About the log and more! It is very important that in life everyone finds the same key!

Not far from us there is a French supermarket “Cora” (Cora, emphasis on the last syllable).
We occasionally (no more than 3-4 times a year) go there for the freshest (no fools) seafood in an assortment, which you won’t find in KaDeWe, and excellent pastries.
Well, you know - these long loaves are called baguette.
Besides baguettes, there are a lot of tasty things and not that expensive. In general, a celebration of the belly.
My wife hung out at the fish store, but I moved to the bakery and pastry shop. And there is a queue. Small but impressive - 10 - 12 people. They are waiting for the notorious baguettes. They are being taken out several at a time - straight from the oven, and now there is a production pause.
The Western European queue is not similar to the Soviet one: no one puffs in the back of anyone’s head, everyone stands intelligently, maintains a private distance.
In the queue, French an masse, four figures clearly stood out - two Russians (Rousseau tourist as a type is recognizable everywhere) and two invaders of the “sons of the desert” in characteristic attire - nightgowns to the toes, towels on their heads and beards with shovels.
Loudly, without being embarrassed by the damned kafirs, they discuss in their poetic dialect God knows what. By the way, the handsome guys are standing, it’s also interesting - separately from the queue, so as not to accidentally offend yourself.
And here are the baguettes - exactly 12 pieces! Each is packaged in a narrow paper sleeve (for hygienic reasons). In theory, it should be enough for half the queue (some take 2, some take 3).
But it was not there. “Sons of the Deserts”, continuing their lengthy - no other than theological - debate, with regal spontaneity, load all 12 baguettes into their cart and, smiling tenderly at each other, majestically set off towards the cash registers.
As you know, the Russian character immediately gets into trouble with any injustice.
- No fucking way. What the f*ck is this?! - the first Russian is amazed quite loudly.
“Oh, damn, finally,” the second agrees.
The French, with their mouths agape, are watching the unfolding performance: both Russians (I don’t know who they are, they look like oil workers on vacation, and how did they end up in this ordinary French town?!), interrupting the meaningful dialogue, rushing across the sweet couple.
The “Sons of the Desert” slow down and look at the Russians in bewilderment.
Silently and with stern frowns, the Russians take 10 baguettes from the enemy cart (they leave 2 - fairness, know ours!) and... return to the line!
You should have seen, my sirs and madams, the faces of these bearded men. Darkness and fog - “Hell and Israel!” They weren't just scared - although the Russians didn't lay a finger on them - they were naturally deflated.
It's a pity that it was not possible to capture this picture.
Having dumped the baguettes back into the tray, the Russians, once again exchanging glances and shrugging their shoulders, take themselves 1 (adyn) pieces and head to the cash registers.
And then the French begin to applaud and whistle. Joyful exclamations, interjections - continuous vive la Russie.
I believe these French learned the hard way how different one occupation can be from another.
Maybe they'll tell the others?

It happened at a celebration in one office on March 8th. The people are celebrating, congratulating the girls - everything is fine. But... The young manager Max decides to attract the attention of the people, begins to tell: - You know, in our city recently one girl was hacked to death with an ax, cut into pieces... - and everything in detail. The girls try to reason with him: “Max, it’s a holiday today, again, we’re sitting at the table.” And you are like that - and in colors. He: - Why? Girls: - Well, March 8th after all... You would like to talk about love... Max: - Oh, of course! - and joyfully declares: - she was also raped there!

Let me make a reservation right away – we are talking about WOMEN’s butts. Although men come across very worthy specimens, they do not have such a significant impact on the fate of their owner.
While relaxing at sea, you can best observe all the diversity, originality and diversity of women's butts. Let’s immediately discard the immature butts of girls of pre-Juliet age, and the respected butts of gray-haired ladies. The rest easily fit into the following classification.

Type one - ASS - ASS (affectionately admiring - ass)
Such a butt is always well developed and has the convex shape of double soccer balls, united by the elastic of the trunks into a single aesthetic masterpiece. The ass always has a good connection with the front and often enjoys its joys.
Any color is possible - from freckled German pallor to chocolate-Brazilian luxury.
The ass invariably attracts the attention of the opposite sex and, due to its own self-sufficiency, can lead a life separate from its owner. Regardless of the appearance and mood of its owner, such a butt is always playful, cheerful and ready for contacts. When walking, it sways invitingly, but not with a sluggish cellulite wave, but with an energetic, elastic, alluring tremor. Even women turn to look at such specimens, sighing enviously, and men are simply overwhelmed with the desire to pinch and squeeze this marvelous creation of Mother Nature.
The owners of such popes are almost always happily married; as a girl, they often have several lovers, which does not prevent them from becoming ideal wives and mothers over time. They are indifferent to their career, but if fate forces them, then their path to success is rapid and they are able to achieve dizzying growth, sweeping away everyone and everything in their path.
This ass gives its owner a long, cheerful life, delighting her with its youthful forms until the last hour.

The second type of pop is FLAT BUTT.
In fact, it’s not a butt, but a part of the back that suddenly, without warning, split into two rickety limbs. As a rule, such butts are represented by very dystrophic individuals, but there is also a wide variety of flat butts, which, however, does not in any way correct the dullness of this type.
No matter how intricate the design idea, panties on a flat butt always have a bandaged appearance and are not able to decorate the mummified hip joint of the owner. Not finding a single roundness, panties on such butts helplessly cling to the sharp bones of a barely formed pelvis and wrinkle when walking, sluggishly sliding for skinny thighs.
The color range of pop flats is poor and has only two shades - a frightening blue pallor or the unhealthy poopy color of burnt cutlets.
The only decoration of these pops can be either powerful pearly pimples in the case of a pale color or crackle of small wrinkles in the brown version.
Owners of such butts are prone to female hysterics, rarely laugh, and almost never swim in the sea. Despite their unhealthy thinness, they lead an exceptionally healthy lifestyle and are most often found in feeding areas, where they spend a long time and sluggishly crushing a leaf of lettuce with their anemic lips, which their flat butts disgustingly spit out into the whiteness of the toilet a couple of hours later.
Retaining teenage underdevelopment throughout their lives, such butts are often proud of themselves and sometimes arouse the envy of their plump competitors, which is completely in vain, because men's gaze bounces off flat butts faster than a tennis ball when it hits a racket.
Such butts extremely rarely can boast of a successful marriage; they often have a married lover with whom they carry on a long-term affair that is exhausting for both.
But such butts climb the career ladder very energetically, acquiring even greater angularity in managerial chairs. If nature, in addition to such an underdeveloped ass, gave two crooked endless legs with forty-three shoe sizes, then they have a chance to break through to the podium and join the crowd of fantastically paid skeletal models.

Type three – BUTT, LOOSE, BUTT.
The most undesirable variant of a woman's butt, an extremely unfortunate type of natural selection. Intended exclusively for the act of defecation (not to be confused with defloration).
Having no aesthetic value, it is given to the owner to add to the extra pounds she already has. The only possible color is baby pink.
A large population of loose butts is typical of the Russian hinterland and, although due to their natural tendency to self-sacrifice, they are capable of decorating the life of any man, they are almost never appreciated by them.
A loose butt is never in demand among the opposite sex. The owner of such a butt is extremely rarely successful in marriage, although marriage itself is quite possible. But, following the path of intellectual and spiritual development, the owner of such a butt can reach such significant heights that the very topic of this story will simply fall out of the sphere of her natural interests.

Type four – ORDINARY, HEALTHY BUTT.
The most common type of pop. In the complete absence of shyness, such butts often only indicate panties with a tango thread, a seagull of a back flying over the horizon. Often it is they who decorate themselves with a variety of tattoos, from a lace checkmark fluttering over cute bulges to touching butterflies and roses, or an angry panther insidiously crawling out from behind the scenes of a bikini. Tattoos on such butts can tell much more about the owner than herself.
These butts are loved, kissed, and even poems and songs are dedicated to the scars and moles on them.
Ordinary butts are so diverse in shape and color that I will only emphasize their main advantage - their tendency towards nepotism. No matter how much they fool around in their youth, old age always meets them in the circle of numerous and loving relatives. Such priests do not tolerate loneliness and by the age of twenty they are often accompanied by men's family underpants and a couple of diapers. As an option, they can choose a partner for a long time, exchanging the best one for an even more worthy one.
They are easy to communicate, easily domesticated, or can easily take the path of career growth, depending on the ambitions and desires of their partner.

In the afterword I would like to say: “Different priests are important, different priests are needed!”
Without women's buttocks, asses, buns, seats, loaves, asses and butts, without this amazingly beautiful female stern, a man's navigation through life would become painful and meaningless.

One day, best friends Clara and Rose woke up from a great hangover.
- Eh, and he managed to swell like that! – Rose exclaimed in her hearts.
- Don't yell! The head is cracking! – Clara said and winced.
- Don't yell? Do you know that it’s already eleven o’clock and we’re completely late for work? Now the owners will send a messenger, or worse, they will hide themselves! They'll fire you, they'll fire you, of course!
- And what do you suggest? Going to work with that kind of exhaust? They'll get fired sooner! Or maybe let's say that today is a great holiday and we started preparing for it yesterday?
- What kind of holiday is this in the middle of the working week? There are no such holidays! And today is a stupid date - March 8th!
- Personally, I like the number. In addition, the figure eight, like a woman, has a waist in the middle.
- A couple more of these pulls - with beer, schnapps and sausages, and our waistlines cried!
They were silent for a while, and Clara asked hopefully:
- Rose! Girlfriend! Why don't you go to the store for a beer? Disappear, so with the music!
At this time, the noise of an approaching carriage was heard from the street. Clara walked to the window and looked out into the street:
- Wow! Nakarkala! Karl and Friedrich showed up! Total ambush!
Both, without saying a word, rushed to the mirror, and commanding steps were already heard on the stairs. There was a knock on the door once, twice, and Rose went to open it.
- Great, girls! – the men who entered greeted in one voice.
- Why isn’t this at work?
- Yes, that’s what we were going to do. I really wanted to look better today, because of the holiday! – Rose began to wriggle out.
- What kind of holiday?
- How? You do not know? Today is Women's Day!
- How is it in the bathhouse? – Friedrich was surprised.
- International! – Clara blurted out to give significance to the imaginary holiday.
- Both on! – Karl exclaimed, slapping his knees. - And today is my holiday! They are going to publish my book! The publisher was very complimentary and said it was a great book! And the advance payment was paid - be healthy! So, in connection with this, and in honor of Women's Day, I am increasing your salary by five marks!
-Hooray!!! – Rose and Clara shouted in unison.
Suddenly Friedrich asked:
-Girls, what does that smell in your room?
-A-ah-ah... And we removed the varnish and poured acetone - Rose was found.
- Acetone?
- Well, yes! And realizing that the smell did not quite match, she clarified:
- Clara, dammit, I spilled acetone on the stewed cabbage...
- Well, if it’s cabbage, then yes.
“Listen, Friedrich,” Karl ordered. “Here’s the money for you - go to the tavern for beer!” Take some more sausages and...
- Schnapps! – Rose quietly exhaled.
- And schnapps! Let's go for a walk today! Yes, take more so you don’t have to run twice. And here’s another thing,” Karl took Friedrich to the door:
- Buy a flower there, or something.
- What flowers are there on March 8th? Winter is just around the corner. The heating season is not over yet.
- Well, then some kind of plush bullshit, but not expensive.

When Karl and Friedrich approached the inn to improve their health, Friedrich smiled:
- Well done girls! After all, the ninth of March is also a holiday!
In just two days we'll be covered with stubble... And the barber tears so much - there won't be any left for beer! Let's grow beards, shall we?

My aunt said just now:
One evening this fall, she was returning home in the evening, the weather was chilly, and there was dirty obscenity under her feet. He notices a young mother with a child of about four years old walking slowly ahead. The mother, judging by her sharp gait and proudly raised head, is angry about something, and the child trails a few steps behind her and roars. Looking sadly at this scene, my compassionate aunt catches up with the couple and, having caught up with the boy, hears him muttering through tears:
- TAKE IT ON YOUR BOWS, BITCH, OR I’LL GET YOU IN THE MASS!

“I would have lit it up like that with that blonde,” said Lyosha

What the moron?! They're both blondes, which one? - Misha said indignantly

Yes with anyone!

And I liked the curly one better, well, the one that is Lesya, cool chick

Let's agree to meet with them again? - suggested Tyoma

Let's! - Misha agreed

Suddenly Tomka’s cell phone rang loudly, we ran behind the house so that they wouldn’t know that we were eavesdropping.

Hello - Toma said in a whisper - Tomorrow? Yes, we can! At nine? Okay, agreed, let's go, bye!

What did they say? - I asked

They invited us to go for a walk tomorrow!

The next day, putting on high-heeled shoes and short skirts, we went to the boys and had a fun evening. Looking at Misha, I felt something strange, I had a whole bunch of guys. I changed them like gloves, but I didn’t feel anything for any of them like I did for Misha. The boys treated us to pills, after trying them, it was like a light bulb exploded in my head and everything became so bright and rainbow

So how? - Misha asked

Super! - I answered - Give me more!

Misha gave me more

The next day he called and said that he wanted to date me, I agreed. All week he behaved like a true gentleman, looked after her beautifully, and gave flowers. Once, when we were returning from Kano, a guy on a moped rushed past us and splashed me from a puddle, I stood all wet and dirty

Damn! - Misha said with regret - Let's go to my place, you can wash your things there!

And we went to Misha’s house, he threw my things into the car and gave me his used T-shirt. We sat on his sofa, swallowed pills that made everything look rosy, and kissed, kissed for a long time, then he threw me on the sofa and took off his T-shirt, I understood where everything was leaning

Misha, Misha, wait! - I tried to stop him

Don't be afraid! - he smiled - I have rubber bands!

That's not the point! You just understand, I’ve never had this before!

Misha couldn’t even say anything at first

So what are you, virgin or what?! - he shouted

Well, yes! - I answered embarrassedly

So why did I waste my time on you!

Misha, does it really matter whether you are my first or not?

It has! I don’t need any extra problems! I already deflowered one chick, so she started crying, and all these tears, drool... and then she told her mom. Mom also came to find out... in short, I then decided, no more virgins!

Misha, well, I’m not going to tell my mom anything!

Well, damn it, this is me, what happens, in vain the steward gave Kolyan for splashing you...

What?! - I didn’t understand him - Did you set it all up?!

What did you think! What should I have told you to your face Lesya, come and fuck me! I don’t understand at all, if you’re a virgin, why the hell are you acting as if all the men in the city have taken you away?!

I just have that kind of character! - I answered

And Tom, is she also a virgin? - he asked

No, Toma is no longer a virgin!

Great! I liked Tomka too, you of course more, but who knew that girls like you might not be tough...

Give me some pants! - I interrupted him - I’ll bring it to you tomorrow!

Misha gave me his jeans. I put them on and ran home. I cried non-stop for several days, but I love him, and I’m ready to do anything with him! I have already been offered to do THIS so many times, but only with him am I truly ready for THIS. A month passed, I still didn’t fulfill my promise and didn’t give Misha the clothes, and an interesting situation happened with my clothes, which I left in his typewriter... two days after this all happened, someone rang the doorbell of my apartment, I opened it, but there was no one behind it, but on the threshold there was a bag with my clothes. And so, a month later, I was sitting in my room, my mother and my father were talking about something in the kitchen, I rarely listen to their conversations, well, by chance my ear came across my father’s voice, or rather, what this voice was saying

By the way, can you imagine, Kravtsov’s youngest daughter got pregnant! - he told his mother

Tamara?! - she was surprised - She and Olesya study in the same class! Horrible! And from whom?!

I have no idea, he won’t tell!

I jumped out of bed, got dressed and ran to Tomka. All the way to her I thought why she didn’t tell me anything, since we shared everything with her since childhood. I still remember when we were 9 years old, she and I locked ourselves in my room and I taught her how to kiss because... She didn’t know how to do it herself, but she really wanted to try.

Hello Tom! - I said entering the threshold of her room

Hello! - she answered dryly, lately she had been talking to me in such a dry tone, I couldn’t understand the reason

Tom, I want to say...that I know everything!

Is it true? - Tom screamed, tears flowing down her cheeks - Lesya, forgive me, please forgive me!

For what? - I didn’t understand her

Well, for everything...for Misha...

What about Misha? - I didn’t understand her

How? You said that you know everything!

I know that you are pregnant!

Lesya, but you don’t know the main thing, from whom

It seems I’m starting to guess from whom... - with these words I left Toma. Toma had an abortion, after the abortion she came to me

Lesya, I want to change! - she said - I want everything to be different!

Tom, you’re right, it’s not healthy to live like that! - I found a pack of “next” cigarettes in my hiding place and flushed it down the toilet. From that day on, everything became different, I understand what a bastard this Misha was, but I still can’t cool down towards him, and Toma still can’t forget the stress that she had to endure during the abortion.

Many women believe that the man should take the initiative in any area of ​​the relationship. A lady's behavior should be like that of an unapproachable queen.

On the one hand, the approach is correct and corresponds to stereotypical ideas about relationships, but on the other hand, men with such ladies become bored.

Any man likes it when a lady starts flirting with him, but how to do this if your dear one constantly disappears at business meetings and business trips.

For this purpose, short SMS messages were invented that excite the imagination of a man at a distance.

Exciting SMS to a man in your own words

Most women who are inexperienced in sexual correspondence often make a common mistake - they try to overwhelm a man with vulgar messages.

Due to his assertive behavior, the young man does not know whether to continue communication further. Of course, there are men who love this behavior, but many representatives of the stronger sex prefer to keep the intrigue.

Home The girl’s task is to interest the guy and arouse interest in the person so that he instantly wants to be next to his beloved.

Therefore, it is better to start correspondence with an unobtrusive declaration of love in your own words. Next, it is recommended to move on to more explicit messages, supported by intimate photographs.

Examples of short phrases and mind-stirring SMS:

1. Day all day long, thoughts about you do not leave my head. I dream of being close to you, hugging you tightly and kissing you passionately!
2. Can't you imagine how much I miss you. It seems to me that your scent accompanies me everywhere.
3. Now morning, but I'm looking forward to the evening with great impatience. I dream of relaxing my body as gently as I did yesterday.
4. Going to I’m going to bed and can’t decide: to take off the cute black stockings that delicately fit my slender legs?

   Or don’t touch them - will you rush over and help pull them off? – a challenging phrase can be written at night.

5. I wanted fall asleep, but it didn’t work out. I close my eyes and see your pumped up beautiful body: various vulgarities arise in my head.
6. Want caress your body and enjoy passionate kisses.
7. Come tonight if you want to see a sweet and long striptease performed by the priestess of love.
8. Darling, let's take a shower together today? Me and you, and a minimum of clothes!
9. Eat great idea to strap you to the bed and do whatever I want!
10. Want see your naked body on a soft bed.
11. Imagine me in my favorite black lace lingerie. I'll meet you like this today!
12. When you caress my body, I go crazy. I have never met big, strong and gentle hands.
13. So I want you so much that I’m going crazy now.
14. Want at night to extend the pleasure that we started this morning.
15. I'm now completely naked. It's boring at home and I'm alone.
16. Darling, I was cooking your favorite dish, and I realized how much I missed you. I’ve already rented a Japanese schoolgirl costume and cognac – I’m waiting for it in the evening.
17. I read it an article about how you can please a guy. Come and let's try it!
18. Bought new underwear – a man’s assessment is needed.
19. I decided I don’t want to wear clothes at home anymore – I’m waiting for a reaction.
20. Today I signed up for yoga so I can touch my heels to my head – I think you don’t mind.

It is worth noting: the longer a couple is in a relationship, the more varied the words you will have to invent.

At the initial stage of meetings, a young man only has to imagine a girl without underwear - and he is ready to run to her.

Dirty SMS for a guy to cheer him up

To cheer up your loved one, you don’t have to call him every hour. It is enough to write depraved or vulgar SMS to the guy.

After reading the exciting text, he will immediately want to be next to his chosen one. Candid messages can be written in prose or poetry - it depends on the girl’s imagination.

Note! To lift your mood and not only that, you can reinforce the message with an erotic photograph - it will come in handy during a hard day at work.

The proposed short messages will delight your loved one, he will have a desire to do what is indicated in the text.

Don’t be surprised if the SMS is followed by a call with passionate words:

Carefully select messages if there was a minor quarrel the day before. Romantic correspondence and a delicious dinner combined with lovemaking will help you establish a connection.

Become available to the man you love, then he will be able to appreciate your feelings and continue a long, fascinating conversation in the bedroom.

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Related Posts

A girl's blog is gaining popularity on Twitter, publishing stories of women sharing their sexual experiences. Over the course of a few days, the blogger published dozens of different stories, which most irritates men who cannot believe any of them.

Blogger Oloni has been working on the topic of sex and relationships for several years, she is the winner of several awards in this field, and now she has decided to share the anonymous stories that girls in the UK send her.

I want to know your hoe stories! LADIES only. DM it to me & I will share anonymously.

I want to know your dirty stories! Only for ladies. Send me a private message and I'll post anonymously.

Every day she asks a certain topic, and her readers tell if they have had such an experience. In the comments under the post, the blogger publishes several anonymous stories. At the same time, it is important that it is the girl who shares such a story.

The story can be OLD or NEW. But it must be YOURS do not message me like.. ‘Well, it weren’t me, but my friend blah blah’ no!

These stories may be old or new, but they must be yours. There is no need to write: “it didn’t happen to me, but to my friend.”

Oloni recently asked readers if they had sexual experience with two men in 24 hours. The answers poured in at lightning speed.

I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months. Then he had the choice of going abroad for his last year at university or staying here with me. He decided to stay, but then I met his older brother, who was much sexier than my boyfriend. Then I persuaded my boyfriend to go away to study and started an affair with his brother (it is still ongoing). In general, my boyfriend and I agreed that we would have an open relationship at that time. while he's gone, but I don't think he meant his brother.

While the girls just laughed at such stories, the men were furious at this behavior of women. Many wrote negative comments under the stories.

my girl has like 5 very close male friends and one of them she even claims is gay, after reading that Oloni thread im super paranoid

My girlfriend has five male friends, and she claims that one of them is gay. After reading these stories, I think I've become paranoid.

Guys freaking out over the Oloni tweets and mad at women for doing the exact same thing they do. Grow a pair.

Guys are going crazy over Oloni's tweets and are mad at women for doing the exact same thing.

But will you tell me something before going to bed? - you ask, clutching your favorite plush rabbit in your hands.
Hah... It would seem that at eighteen years old you should stop acting like a little child... I remember like yesterday how we met, even though it was when I was 14 and you were only 13. Stupid, naive, like a child, you have remained like this after many years... It’s as if those difficult years through which our relationship went through never happened, as if just yesterday we were just getting acquainted and asking about each other’s interests...
“Should I tell you something...” I mutter absentmindedly. “Well.. I don’t even know..
Of course, this is just a cover, as I always do to interest you and attract all your attention before the upcoming fairy tale. Or maybe... tell you something other than a fairy tale today? You are already an adult, but you are shy and afraid of the word “sex”... So why don’t I help you grow up a little...
“Okay,” I finally say, wrapping you in a blanket. “Listen carefully... And so, but..
-Won’t you take the book?
-Do you want to listen to fairy tales that you have known for a long time?
-N-no, if you want, come up with it yourself...
“Well, that’s good...” I say, kissing you on the forehead and settling down on the bed, side by side. “And so.. It’s night, it’s cold... we’re sitting watching TV, covered with one blanket, and an erotic moment is shown in the film.. I get excited and start stroking your thigh... You are also excited, but you are trying to hide it and you are glad that the apartment is dark and I don’t see how you blushed and how hot you felt... I throw you on the floor and begin to gently cover you your body with kisses, going lower and lower... You are embarrassed, trying to resist, although your body demands to give up and give yourself to me now...
-Wait, what are you telling me?
-Your own fairy tale.... Don’t like it? Maybe stop?
I notice how you blush slightly and say a quiet, but so cherished to my heart, “continue...” I smile and continue my story:
-And then I pull off your panties, and you no longer resist... I begin to slowly stroke your body, then running my hand right there, then stopping and planting a hot kiss on your lips... Teasing, making you beg for more.. ..
-Oh, d-next...
-Your fragile, young body, heated by my hot caresses, arches and you already out loud, forgetting the embarrassment and fear of the first time, ask me for sex... And I... I agree. And I begin to act more roughly, I penetrate your virgin pussy with my fingers, feeling the hot wet flesh and getting more excited... We both become slaves to our passion, forgetting about the whole world, giving ourselves over to sinful lust...
-S..slasher
-Sorry, what?
-N-nothing, please continue...
-I start licking your pussy... Either slowly, then quickly, then stopping completely, teasing you, although I myself can hardly restrain myself and want more... You begin to moan quietly and blush like a tomato, and I only like yours even more helplessness...
-Oh...
-I imagine that if I were a guy, I would fuck you very, very hard... in all your holes and cum right on your pretty face... The face that I love so much... And when you cum , I lick everything, penetrating my hot tongue into your pussy and making you get excited again... And then I tie you up and force you to lick me... And I like that you are tied up... It excites me that you are so helpless and cannot defend yourself.. .
-Oh..
Judging by your appearance and the slight smell of your juice in the air, you were very horny... I was horny too, to be honest... I want to laugh, looking at how you awkwardly look away and blush worse than a tomato.
“You know, I’m excited...” you whisper quietly and I don’t let you finish, shutting you up with a kiss.
I love you, my stupid one. Even though you are sometimes unbearable... But I am ready to bring my fairy tale to life if you liked it so much. After all, you are my fragile princess from the fairy tale about long-haired Rapunzel; after all, you are the little girl Ellie, who has found herself in a magical land; because you are my love.
You are my favorite fairy tale...