Transitional age symptoms. Transitional age in boys and girls

Sooner or later, every child enters the age of adulthood, and problems of a transitional age come with it. A kind, sweet, affectionate baby begins to change before his eyes, becomes rude, aggressive, and possibly vice versa, closed and detached. This is not surprising, because during this period the child’s body begins to change rapidly, along with this there are changes in the worldview, in relation to oneself and others.

Growing time is one of the most important, but at the same time, the most difficult life stages of each person. The future of the child may very well depend on how it will pass. That is why the main main task of the parents of a teenage boy is to help him survive this period as painlessly as possible.

Transitional period

In general, transitional age is usually called the time period during which puberty occurs in children. During this period, physical development and growth are accelerated, systems and internal organs of the body are finally formed. When exactly all these processes will begin and end is very difficult to say. This is due to the fact that the body of each child has its own, individual rhythms and physical characteristics.

Therefore, it is impossible to accurately predict at what age the transitional age of the boys will come. It can begin both at ten and at fourteen and last until fifteen to seventeen. Moreover, these indicators can vary. In boys, growing up occurs about a couple of years later, goes much more actively and lasts longer (about 4-5 years)

Experts believe that the onset of puberty depends on various factors - heredity, nationality, level of physical development, lifestyle, presence or absence of bad habits, etc. Boys who ate well, adhered to a healthy lifestyle and showed physical activity, enter puberty, usually on time.

But whenever it comes to maturity, it will consist of three main phases:

Preparatory - It is often referred to as young adolescence. During this period, the preparation of the psyche and body for future changes.
Puberty - This is the transitional age or adolescence.
Post-pubertal - during this period, the psychological and physiological formation is finally completed. It already affects the time of youth, it was at this time that the boys began to show an active interest in the representatives of the opposite sex.

The child’s body undergoes major changes with the onset of puberty; such changes affect both its appearance and behavior. The main cause of change is the active production of hormones. They are the ones who are responsible for the sharp mood swings, irritability, nervousness, intensive growth, etc.

To begin, consider the physiological changes by which we can determine the transitional age in boys. Signs of puberty are as follows:

Become a friend. Since at this stage friends play a big role in the life of a teenage boy, parents need to make every effort to get into their number. So it will be much easier for you to be aware of what is happening in the life of your child, which means that you will be able to help or support him in time. Of course, becoming a friend of a child is very difficult, especially if he is used to hearing from you just moralizing. The understanding of the boy that you are equal to each other will help to do this. Remember yourself at this age, you probably thought that adults can never understand you. Believe me, your son thinks the same. Try to dispel this belief, open to the child on the other hand, appear before him as a simple person with his own shortcomings and complexes. You can tell the boy something about yourself, tell some stories about your youth, about your first love, about problems at school, etc.
Do not limit the freedom of the child. In adolescence, there is a particularly acute need for personal space. Leave it to the child. Moreover, we are talking here not only about our own territory in the apartment (room, table or corner), it must be mandatory for growing up children, but also about freedom and the right to choose. You should not control every step of the son, rummage through his things, eavesdrop on conversations, this will only lead to negative consequences. Do not limit the child in everything, thus trying to protect him from troubles, since total control will not allow him to feel independent and will only set you against you. Naturally, it is impossible to break all the frameworks, they must be, but reasonable. Learn to trust your son, in compromises, offer compromises, but to learn more about his personal life, communicate more, but in no case, do not interrogate.
Avoid unnecessary criticism. Naturally, there are circumstances when criticism cannot be dispensed with, but it should only be constructive, and not aimed at the child himself (you are a slut, lazy dog, etc.), but at his actions, behavior, mistakes, in a word, at all that can be corrected. Since adolescents are too sensitive to any comments, express your dissatisfaction as gently as possible, you can even combine it with praise.
Show interest. The maturation of boys is accompanied by a change in the system of values \u200b\u200band worldview, it is not surprising that during this period hobbies, opinions, and opinions change. If you show interest in what the child is doing (but not intrusively) and support him in this, he will trust you more. Do not be lazy to talk with a teenager, take an interest in his life, reasoning, etc. It will not be superfluous to ask the son’s opinion in resolving general issues (which wallpaper to stick, where to move the wardrobe, etc.)
Be patient. If the child is rude or naughty, try to control yourself. Remember, excessive emotionality is a consequence of the transition period. Answering your son the same, you only provoke a scandal. Better try talking to him later, in a relaxed atmosphere, such communication will be much more productive.
Praise more often. Everyone needs praise, after words of approval as if wings are growing, there is a desire and strength to conquer more and more peaks. Praise your child more often, and even for small achievements or just good deeds, this will serve as an incentive for him to develop and improve. Moreover, praise is a good way to show that a child is not indifferent to you.
Recognize His Personality. A teenager, albeit a small one, but already a person who has his own interests, hobbies, outlook on life, opinion. Do not try to change your son, do not impose your beliefs, it is better to accept him for who he is.

(6 votes: 4.2 out of 5)

for any child is a very important period in life. Boys are no exception. At this time, processes begin in the adolescent's body, indicating a jump in development. Nature starts this mechanism at the age of 9-14. The period is also called puberty, in principle, this is the beginning of puberty. But boys do not tolerate this quite as they did in adolescence. Boys develop a couple of years later. Girls of 13 years are fully formed, unlike boys who at this age have a children's appearance.

Physiological changes

In transitional age, the boy’s body begins to rebuild rapidly. He begins to grow bones, muscle mass, shoulders expand. From the age of 10, the genital organ and the size of the testicles begin to increase, hair growth is activated on the pubis. The development of secondary sexual characteristics is accompanied by an aggravation of feelings and increased excitability. In boys, the first sexual manifestation wakes up in relation to the opposite sex.

At the age of 14, the boy notices a change in his voice - he becomes rougher, sometimes there are sound differences that are formed due to the development of cartilage in the throat and an increase in the vocal cords. The voice is formed finally after two years after the onset of puberty. At about 15, a teenager reaches reproductive age, but this does not mean that the transitional age is over.

The boy will turn into a real man no earlier than 23 years old.

From 14 to 16 years old, boys begin to have pollutions, that is, ejaculation in a dream. The body is designed so that every phenomenon is no coincidence. It is natural for puberty, so you should not be scared or surprised. It is noteworthy that boys in adulthood suffer from excess weight much less often than girls. The exception is only the completeness provoked by metabolic disorders or hereditary factors.

Transitional age is often accompanied by such an unpleasant symptom as acne. Its appearance is associated with excessive secretion of hormones, so this problem usually goes away with the end of puberty. However, in the puberty, acne often causes many complexes and psychological problems.

Psychological problems

The transitional age in boys is necessarily accompanied by changes in character and behavior. It turns out that their own appearance worries boys no less than girls. They make efforts and try to more carefully monitor themselves, are aggressive towards criticism about the created image.

Dissatisfaction with everyone is a natural manifestation of a transitional age, it causes shyness, isolation and self-doubt.

During the transition period, the character and behavior of the boy sometimes changes dramatically. The reason may be physiological factors: increased sweating, sudden acne, constantly oily hair. But at this time, the boy wants to please the girls, he wakes up interest!

As a result of dissatisfaction with oneself, increased nervousness and sudden aggression often arise. The transitional age signals itself rude to parents, older people, and teachers. A flash of emotions is a feature of the age stage, its reason lies in the rapid restructuring of the body. The hormones responsible for puberty in the baby’s body are called androgens.

During the transitional age, the boy begins to position himself as an adult man. He wants to prove to others that he is able to solve his own problems on his own. Considering themselves to be adults, adolescents in puberty often perform “feats” under the influence of emotions, not realizing the possible consequences.

The only way out for adults is to gently help the teenager navigate the situation, give unobtrusive, but sensible advice, and suggest how to cope with the problem.

Complexes

In adolescence, the period of teenage and youthful hypersexuality begins. Compared to the next period of life, this is a time of increased attention and attraction to sex. It is this period that becomes one of the most worrying for parents, since the acceleration of puberty is often associated with some violations in sexual behavior. Most often, parents are concerned about masturbation for teenage boys.

In addition, adolescence is often characterized by sexual attention to persons of the same gender. The reason lies in the unconscious sex drive during the rapid development of a growing organism. In the event that same-sex attraction or masturbation is sustainable, parents need to insist on a pathopsychological diagnosis from a practicing psychologist, as this signals the onset of a mental illness.

How to behave to parents? The fragile psyche of adolescents, most often, itself suffers from such desires, the boys feel like perverts. Sometimes a teenager will make it clear in a veiled form. It is important to read the signal in time and pay attention to it. An open discussion of this topic is undesirable, but the child should feel that his parents are on his side and these experiences are in vain, soon everything will fall into place.

In no case should vibes of humiliation and contempt come from dear and close people.

Relevant in puberty and the topic of suicide. Recently, the number of cases among children and adolescents has sharply increased. Unfortunately, suicidal behavior has recently become not only a consequence of stress and the inclusion of protective mechanisms, but also a tribute to fashion, imitation of more significant peers. Many factors can become a motive: a means of avoiding loneliness, revenge on parents, insulting and humiliating a child, misunderstanding and inattention. Apart from drug addiction, physical abuse, oddly enough, school performance. Children who are prone to suicide feel unloved and deprived, they are anxious and unbalanced, lack faith in their strengths.

Parents need to worry if the child has few friends, the behavior suddenly changes, the depression is observed for several days, the child is often harassed. How to act in such cases?

As much as possible to exclude criticism in relation to the teenager;
Allow the child to express negative feelings;
Call a teenager to talk and do not interrupt him until he speaks out;
Let the child understand about the serious attitude to his problems;
Emphasize the temporary nature of the problem, offer their help.

If the suicidal tendencies of a teenager have something in common with his character traits, then it is better to turn to a psychiatrist, because purely educational and psychotherapeutic influences may not be completely effective and sufficient. As a prevention of suicide, there may be an appeal to life-affirming sources of culture.

It is very important for parents to find an approach to a teenager and maintain a trusting relationship. It must be remembered that the transitional age is difficult in that the understanding of life is already becoming an adult, and there are practically no opportunities for self-realization. At the same time, there is a high level of emotional sensitivity. The transitional age is a very contradictory time, which is difficult for everyone, parents and their children to survive.

How to achieve a trusting relationship? Trust is a relationship between two parties. Parents who are worried about the isolation of a teenager should first answer the question: do they trust their child? It is not necessary to corner the interrogations, it is better to start a story about your life, gradually the son will open.

Conflict in the home walls, definitely drives a teenager on the street. And the transitional age requires that the boy communicate with each other on an equal footing, because he already feels like a man. If you talk about yourself, you do not need to create the perfect image, it is better to remember your mistakes and failures, to speculate on how to do it correctly. Moral teachings only repel the teenager, it seems to him that he does not meet expectations, and therefore goes to where he is perceived on an equal footing. Most often, this is a street.

Parents need to try to keep the teenage boy and his friends closer to home. It is especially important not to show that his friends do not like him too much - in adolescence, this most often causes uncontrolled aggression in the child. Relationships are established when parents start from the interests of the child - listen to his favorite music, are interested in what he takes on the Internet. It is important to be in the know and not try to impose your opinion at the same time, in puberty it is inconclusive, but it can do much harm. A thin thread of trust can be torn for a long time.

Tolerance and support - this is what a boy needs in adolescence.

Psychologist's help

Sometimes not every parent can safely survive the transitional age of the child. Many lack endurance, knowledge, and often, just time to help their boy with advice and personal example. An ideal way out of this situation is to turn to a psychologist. He will provide professional assistance not only to a teenager, but also to his parents, and will return a trusting relationship. Definitely, you should go to a psychologist if a teenage boy:

Into myself;
Complains of constant fatigue, refuses to eat;
Regularly requires, not asks for money;
Rude to all family members, classmates and teachers;
Often shows aggression, indifferent to all living things.

In these cases, contacting a specialist should be immediate. To aggravate the situation is simply dangerous, it is necessary to establish contact, but it is unlikely to succeed on its own. I want the transition period at the age of the child to go unnoticed and painlessly, and therefore you need to remember yourself more often at this age and put yourself in the place of your boy. Everyone had this period, only each lived it differently.

The main task of the family is the issue of raising a child as a good person, a cultural person, a full member of society. The task is not easy, especially when the very transitional age of your boy or girl is approaching. Many parents turn a blind eye to this, some even consider this behavior abnormal. Probably forgotten what they were as a teenager!

Our article will help to cope with possible problems, but it is advisable to prevent them. Forewarned is forearmed! You will learn the main features of the course of this period in boys and girls, its causes and types, which means you can understand your child and lend a helping hand to him.

Any person from the moment of birth is what he is by nature: open, trusting, that is, a child. But the time is coming when we, adults, decide to ban him everything that until now was normal, right. Instead, we impose the stereotypical behavior inherent in most representatives of the human race, making everyone a gray mass. What? But it’s convenient to control, understand, manage, in the end.

What it is

This is a difficult period of transition from childhood to adulthood, which everyone experiences. Note that everyone can go through a period of growing up in different ways, not necessarily with hysteria and depression.

It is folded from the psychological side. The child thinks that he is already an adult, begins to make decisions on his own. Parents lose control over their child, and this scares them. This is how the conflict occurs, so both the transitional age in girls and the transitional age in boys are considered rebellious.

How does transitional age manifest

Naturally, the child begins to resist abrupt changes from the outside, if he already considers himself an adult, and they continue to repeat to him what and how to do. And here is added the internal restructuring of the body, a hormonal surge. All the claims of parents who were previously unobtrusive, rise almost to heaven, terribly annoying, furious, lead to an aggressive state, and a failed struggle with an unjust world leads to depression.

Reminiscent of romantic rebel heroes from novels, right? At heart, all romantics remain teenage children.

Wanting to remake the whole world for themselves, a rebellious unformed personality comes into conflict with others, with itself, even with nature, since the hormonal background does not help yet, but only interferes with living quietly. There is a “storm in a glass,” as Erickson called such a period. In the same period, as if evil, adolescents often meet their first love. And then something terrible begins, both in the opinion of the guys and in the opinion of their parents and teachers. The child is uncontrollable, previous relationships with parents are spoiled, orientation in behavior passes to leaders, sometimes not the most exemplary ones. This is how it manifests itself.

How long is the transitional age?

Interestingly, the individual is not only the course of this period, but also the time frame. It is important for parents to know how long the transitional age lasts in order to prepare in advance and not to panic. So, a difficult period in a child can begin from 10-11 years and continue until 15-17 years.

Naturally, the time frame can be shifted to either side. In the same way, this period may be shorter or longer if the circumstances of life do not contribute to the normal development of the child.

How to survive the transitional age

Initially, perceive all changes in the body and behavior of your child as a natural process, and not as a disease. Understand that this is normal, like turning a chrysalis into a butterfly.

Many parents are very worried, they want clear recommendations, and they will certainly learn how to survive the transitional age.

Your first priority will be not to interfere, to interfere less in the personal life of an individual, but to understand, sympathize, try to help, support and become a reliable friend. You need to win over an incredulous child, although you are no longer an authority for him. Take it for granted. This is also quite normal. At this age, the team becomes a priority.

There is no other way. Those parents who choose an authoritarian approach, continue to put pressure on their child at this age, often get the opposite result. The teenager closes, moves away, and no longer succeeds in influencing or helping - a wall of misunderstanding grows.

Teenage depression

Teenage depression is characterized low mood, negative outlook on life and motor inhibition. This is a disease, therefore it is necessary to take this condition of the psyche seriously.

Causes

Any conflicts can be the causes of depression of adolescents, but the guys react especially sharply to the relationship of parents with each other, to the reluctance of adults to participate in the life of a teenager, to non-reciprocal love.

Symptoms

Symptoms of depression are anxiety, apathy, passivity, anxiety, and also enuresis, sleep disturbance. Be sure to take an interest in your child’s life and identify the symptoms of this disease on time. The sooner the fight against the disease begins, the faster and easier you will cope with it.

Kinds

There are 2 types of depression:

mental depression - a feeling of sadness;
manic depression - active mental activity, leading to the commission of rash acts.

These species can also act as stages of a mental state. It is better if at the initial stage, parents, together with a psychologist and teachers, find an approach to the child and unobtrusively help to cope with depression. If this is not done, the consequences can be deplorable, up to addiction, gambling, suicide.

How to cure

Treatment is prescribed by a doctor. Everything happens individually, depending on the neglect of the disease. Antidepressants are often prescribed. Treatment takes place only in a hospital. If the child has a mild form of depression, then the rhythm of his life does not change.

Prevention

In order to prevent the terrible consequences of a difficult age for children, it is necessary to create a favorable atmosphere in the family and class for the child from childhood, because any problem can be resolved if there are loving parents, loyal friends and comrades. It is very important to form an adequate self-esteem in the child, to encourage his independence, to develop creative abilities.

Attention and care for children will help to educate confident and strong people who can express and defend their opinions, share joy and share bitterness in the heart. Understanding from others truly heals.

Transitional age in boys

Let us examine in more detail what constitutes a transitional age in boys. Recently, a good-looking son pleased his mother with his academic successes, but suddenly a child was replaced. All blame puberty.

Transitional age in boys signs:

Rapid growth, development of the muscles of the shoulder girdle.
The voice becomes rough, there is a "breaking" of the voice.
Hair appears over the upper lip, in the axillary zones.
The organs of the reproductive system are actively developing.
Acne appears on the face, acne on the back, face, chest due to hormonal changes.
Boys become rude, touchy, categorical.

Soon you will become the mother of a real man with a strong-willed character and stiff bristles.

When transitional age begins in boys

In many families, parents do not know what to do when the transitional age of the boys begins, that is, from 12-13 years old, a couple of years later compared to the beautiful half of humanity.

You need to know how it manifests itself in order to explain to the child what is happening to him and why. The main thing in such a situation is to talk about everything, not to go away from exciting topics.

How long is the transitional age in boys

In order to adequately respond to the rash actions of the son, you must be aware of how long the transitional age in boys lasts.

Remember, it lasts longer than for girls, that is, 4-5 years. It is quite acute until 17-18 years.

Outwardly, the guy will look like an adult, and in his soul he will still remain a vulnerable teenager, so the debate and asking who is in charge will become constant. He will prove his case, but only in this way, you must admit, a personality of a confident man can be formed.

Transitional age in girls

Naturally, the transitional age in girls begins earlier than in representatives of the strong half of humanity, because the girl must be prepared for the early gestation of the child and childbirth.

It is important to know how the transitional age is manifested in girls, so that parents can find the right words of support for their little daughter.

Signs of puberty in girls

Now consider the signs of puberty in girls associated with puberty:

Already at 10-11 years old ladies look much older than their peers.
Hips and buttocks are rounded.
Menstruation begins.
Pubic hair and axillary hair appear.
Acne and pimples on the face make girls suspicious and unhappy with themselves.
The amount of adipose tissue in the body increases, so girls develop complexes about excess weight.
Increased attention to their own appearance.

When the transitional age in girls ends

The time when the transitional age in girls ends is individual for each lady. We only note that this happens in 15-16 years.

Well, if thoughtful parents walked with their child along the path of growing up hand in hand and helped, supported.

We hope that our recommendations will help you become a true friend for your child and the process of growing up will not take anyone by surprise. Remember that our children need care, love and affection. By giving them enough attention, you will be sure of what happens to them in their teens.

We wish you and your loved ones love and good health!

Your son and daughter yesterday were obedient, good children, and suddenly became rude, harsh, uncontrollable? Do you feel that you cannot cope with your offspring, you are losing control over him? Yes, the transition period is a very difficult stage in the life of a teenager and the whole family. How to establish relationships and not miss a child?

Rampant hormones

Scientifically, this period is called puberty. It represents a transition from childhood to adulthood and lasts from 12 to 16 years (with some fluctuations in one direction or another). This stage is very difficult and dramatic for teens.

One of the main reasons for these difficulties is puberty, ”explains psychologist Elena Shramko. Adolescents become extremely sensitive to evaluation by outsiders of their appearance, and this is combined with their arrogance and peremptory in judgments about others. Mindfulness coexists in them with amazing callousness, painful shyness - with swagger, a desire to be recognized and appreciated by others - with ostentatious independence, a struggle with authorities and generally accepted rules - with the deification of idols, the psychologist emphasizes.

At this age, adolescents begin to dislike their appearance, their own body. A year ago, the child did not think about it, he was happy with everything, and now he often repeats: “I'm ugly / freak!” (although in fact, everything happens the other way around). A teenager is embarrassed to show his body, makes you leave the room when he changes clothes, forbids you to enter the bathroom when he is washing, refuses to take pictures, although he used to be willing to pose for the camera.

All this happens because serious hormonal changes occur in his body, and there is a restructuring of all organs and systems. During this period, adolescents need material for the construction of tissues, so they eat a lot (especially boys). At the same time, they have appetite changes.

In adolescents 13-14 years old, an alternation of bursts of activity is often noted, says the doctor of psychological sciences, professor Anna Prikhozhan. Either the child is alert and active, then he suddenly comes tired, up to the point of exhaustion. The phenomenon of “teenage laziness” is associated with this (often from adults you can hear complaints that the teenager is lazy, wants to lie all the time, cannot stand upright, constantly seeks to lean on something). The reason for this is increased growth, which requires a lot of strength and reduces stamina. Teenagers become awkward, often breaking something. It seems that malicious intent is present here, although, as a rule, this happens against the will of the teenager and is associated with the restructuring of the motor system, says Anna Prikhozhan.

So the child gradually turns into an adult. All this requires a large expenditure of physical and mental strength. Moreover, it happens that the child does not want to grow up, on the contrary, wants to stay in childhood. He subconsciously feels that he is transitioning from a familiar childhood state to something else. What he will bring to him, he does not know yet, but now he only feels discomfort.

Defiant Behavior

The behavior of the child is also dramatically changing. He is constantly rude, closes in his room, does not admit to himself. He often has mood swings. He does not give himself a hug, a kiss. When you try to do this, it repels you, behaves like a hedgehog.

Refuses to clean in his room (it is impossible to enter there, everything is scattered on the floor, wardrobes are wide open); refuses to perform household chores (take out the trash, take a walk with the dog, etc.), and if he does, then with a creak and through endless reminders.

It seems that he deliberately angers you, provokes a scandal. He ceases to obey, becomes so sharp that it is impossible to communicate with him. And even, it happens, begins to call names, using, among other things, foul language ...

You feel bewildered and powerless: is it really your child? Do not wonder. Such behavior is expressed in the desire to develop one's own (and not dictated by parents or society) view of things. At this age, adolescents have already accumulated tension from the pressure of their parents, the school, - says psychologist, psychotherapist Elena Savina. The teenager believes that he is able to live independently, make decisions. And adults often continue to talk to him as if they were a child. Hence, a huge protest against the adult world. Thus, the teenager declares himself to the world, while his life goals are not yet defined, there is no emotional stability, and the state of “dreams” is stronger than the consciousness of the need to learn and grow up.

Birth of personality

And how to behave? What to do? You need to understand that in this difficult period, the child becomes a person. In no case should he be humiliated. Moreover, swing! Treat him as a person, however difficult it may be sometimes.

Although the teenager seeks independence, but in difficult life situations, he tries not to take responsibility for the decisions made, and is waiting for help from adults, ”says Elena Shramko. The teenage "sense of maturity" is expressed mainly in a new level of aspiration, ahead of the position in which the adolescent is actually in. It is very important for him that his adulthood be noticed by others, so that the form of his behavior is not childish. His ideas about the norms of behavior provoke discussion of adult behavior, which is usually very unpleasant, and conflicts arise from here, ”the psychologist explains.

Now the main thing for a teenager is understanding, support. He needs your love more than ever, although outwardly he pretends that he doesn’t need adults. In fact, he needs a trusting relationship with a loved one who will listen to him, support, approve, say the right words.

Despite the fact that a teenager protests against you, he painfully lacks communication with adults who are able to answer questions that concern him, ”explains Elena Savina. But he accepts this communication only when they speak with him on equal terms, without moralizing, shouting, simply sharing his observations from life and describing that in this case the result will be such, and in this - such. Give him the opportunity to think for himself, and you, as you look ahead, lay out a map of life in front of him. Your interest in the life of a child should be truly real, and not just in the part where you need to ban or track something. It is the adoption of a child as an adult that should underlie your relationship with a teenager, ”says the psychologist.

A teenager needs to know that you love him, that he is dear to you. What is this expressed in? In the ability to forgive. If a conflict happened yesterday, don’t think about it, don’t itch, don’t read notations. A teenager remembers what happened, he himself experiences. Therefore, do not ted yesterday. Say once what you think about this and close the topic.

How to settle a conflict

The famous American psychologist J. Scott advises not to rush accusations and insults during conflicts, but to talk only about your feelings. Therefore, if you want the child to really understand you, say only what you feel at the moment. For example, refrain from offensive tone, do not say: “You behave ugly, rude, rude!”, “I opened a mess in my room! How much can you repeat! .. ”, etc.

Instead, voice your feelings, tell us what you feel at the moment. For example: “When you talk rudely with me, it depresses me, I worry about the fact that you don’t love me”, “When your room is so messy, I feel that my request is unimportant to you, and that’s why painfully". Perhaps the child in response will say: "I do not care!". But this is just a mask. In fact, he will remember your words, they will have an effect on him. But insults against him will cause him even more aggression. And your feelings are very important for him, although he tries to hide it. Speaking about how you feel, you will stop the conflict, do not let it develop further.

Dispense with criticism

In adolescence, a teenager has a very vulnerable psyche. He reacts to everything too sharply. His emotions are raging, so his reaction may be disproportionate to resentment. It can be the most acute and unpredictable when adults try to humiliate him, infringe on his pride.

The psyche of the child is now unbalanced, life experience is absent. If he does not find understanding anywhere, he may end up in the wrong company, where, as it seems to him, they will understand him. And the worst thing is that a child can commit irreparable ...

The Russian Federation Commissioner for Children's Rights, Pavel Astakhov, considers the situation with child suicides in Russia to be extremely alarming. According to the total number of suicides, the Russian Federation is in sixth place in the world. However, in terms of suicide among adolescents aged 15-19, Russia ranks first in Europe and one of the first places in the world. In our country, the mortality of adolescents from suicide exceeds world rates by almost 3 times! And this happens because sometimes children simply have no one to turn to for help. “Teachers and guardianship authorities do not always pay attention to the difficult situation a child is in,” says Pavel Astakhov.

Just in case, write down the phone numbers of all your child’s friends and, preferably, their parents. Know the contacts of teachers, circle teachers who your child attends.

This period must be survived

While your child is in transition, stock up with enormous patience, love, and most importantly, the ability to forgive. To pass this period without loss, you will need diplomacy, flexibility and maneuverability.

Do not lisp with a teenager, do not bother him with excessive questioning. Be patient and considerate. Your child is very vulnerable now, take care of him. Aim for the future, move forward together and remember that this period will pass. You just need to be patient and wait. And all will be well!

Inna Kriksunova, for Fontanka.ru

How long do boys have in transition? What time does it start, and when is it supposed to end? These questions concern many parents. Most often, the duration of the puberty is about 5-6 years. The first signs of adolescence can be seen when. The transitional age ends at about 17 years.

Peculiarities and difficulties (both for themselves) are devoted to a lot of both scientific and fiction. It is interesting that the transitional age is distinguished in a special period in boys. However, no less serious changes are occurring.

Regardless of who, when the transitional age begins, it can also be called an amazing time. This is a time of startling discoveries, first of all, regarding himself. If for the first time a child realizes its boundaries in comparison with the outside world at about 2 years old, and this surprises him more than frightens him, then for the second time - at 12-13 years old - all the signs indicate that the teenager understands even more rigid the border between themselves and their family or peers, male boys and female girls. This scares the teenager and at the same time gives rise to new hopes for him.

Physiological changes are observed. Bones are growing fast. Sometimes bone growth is ahead of the development of internal organs, and the teenager has to go to the doctor. In addition to growth, there are many other physiological changes.

Physiological features

Physiological characteristics of a teenage child:

The voice breaks. This is the main sign of adolescence. The child’s voice becomes hoarse. In the post-puberty period, the voice will be established, but before the child becomes a young man, he will not be able to sing (and this affects the musician boys). A teenager is shy about speaking in public. It happens that such shyness develops into an inferiority complex.
Body hair appears. They grow on the pubis, under the arms, on the face, sometimes on the legs and arms.
There are inflammations on the skin. If hair is usually hidden under clothing, then blackheads on the face cannot be hidden. Boys and girls suffer from acne, they are looking for different ways to get rid of it. Such phenomena can disappear only in 20-21 years. Over time, the rash goes away on its own.
There are pollutions. Spontaneous ejaculation may begin, which is usually in a dream. Such characteristics of adolescence in boys should not cause anxiety in parents. These are just signs of puberty, but they can scare a teenager: often he does not know what to do in such cases.
Psychological and physical fatigue is increasing. The body is rebuilt and spends a lot of energy on age-related changes.
The risk of injury increases. Teens more often than children and adults stretch their muscles and ligaments, break their arms and legs. These are signs that the musculoskeletal framework is no longer as elastic and resilient as before, but has not yet managed to fully form. That is why adolescents are forbidden to excessively engage in the gym and lift heavy objects.

Acne is a natural occurrence in adolescents

The physiology of adolescence is closely related to the psychological problems of the teenager. If earlier the child behaved freely and naturally, often smiled, was open, talkative, then in transitional age he begins to withdraw into himself.

Changes in the psyche

Psychological problems characteristic of a teenager:

Vulnerability. The teenager very sharply reacts to any comments, comparing himself with someone else. But it is precisely at this age (12-17 years) that the most responsible period of school life is accounted for. This is secondary and high school, when teachers treat students without prior leniency.
The desire to assert oneself at all costs. Sometimes a teenager chooses for self-affirmation an area that is not approved by the adult society. Just then they enter the teenager’s world.
Desire for attention in relation to oneself. This applies to relationships with peers, strangers, but primarily with your family. No matter how the teenager behaves, it must be remembered that the approval and understanding of the parents is very important to him.
In addition to the previous needs for safety, food, sleep, rest and movement, a teenager has a new and frightening one - sexual desires. In a harmonious society, the sexual maturation of a man proceeds almost imperceptibly. The first love creates pleasant memories for life, and the first sexual experience is not associated with fear and disgust. It is bad if the future man does not know at all how to correctly express his feelings and desires or if he is in the grip of contradictions: what is forbidden by adults is encouraged in the company of peers or vice versa.

Teenagers are trying to demonstrate their adulthood.

Philosophical Issues

Meaning of life. The teenager for the first time asks himself this serious philosophical question. First of all, he cares about the meaning of his own life. The child wants to understand his purpose, thinks about the future. If a teenager does not find meaning in his own life, he may be attracted to the romance of death. It must be borne in mind that the teenager partly retained a childhood vision of the world. And the children do not know the horror of death. The idea of \u200b\u200bthe irreversibility of death is not available to them. The question of how many years understanding is changing is purely individual. At the same time, the idea of \u200b\u200bsuicide contains a romance characteristic of a teenager. But most often, attempts to commit suicide are a way to attract the attention of others, asking for help. In any case, such attempts, thoughts and conversations of a teenager require careful attention of adults.
The overthrow of former authorities. The teenager discovers that the old people who were authoritative for him - parents, teacher, coach, friend - are not as omnipotent as he thought in childhood. If the son’s parents did not form indulgence and the ability to treat strangers and their mistakes with humor, they used authoritarian ones, then he will abandon his parents and declare a protest. That is why teenagers often seem rude, cruel and indifferent.
Creation of an idol. It often happens that, having lost interest in old idols, a teenager necessarily creates new ones for himself. It can be football teams, music groups, movie actors or teenage companies. Over time, this phenomenon should pass.

What do adults do?

Neither adults nor a child can ever say exactly what caused a particular teenage reaction. The child may cry for no reason, be rude. This can continue, for example, due to the fact that the girl who is not indifferent to him made a careless remark, or he is complex about his appearance (acne and acne on his face). Often a child cannot restraintly react with friends or classmates, restrain emotions if an idea comes up that struck him.

Adults will have to take into account the physiological, psychological and philosophical aspects when solving teenage problems.

Do not leave teenagers alone with their problems, communicate with them.

Diet

It is necessary to review the diet and rest of the teenager. A schoolchild, who during this period experiences increased psychological and physiological stresses, needs a good rest and at least 8 hours of night sleep.

Breakfast should be hearty. At least 1/4 of all calories consumed per day should be consumed in the morning. Products should contain potassium, iron and calcium. Do not forget about fruits and fish. A teenager should receive 40% of all calories at lunch and only 20% at dinner. An afternoon snack is also needed (15%). You need to teach a teenager to always have a small bottle of drinking water with him and do not forget to drink liquid during the day.

In a person, one should not interfere with growing up: one should be allowed to independently search for answers to all his questions, not to limit freedom. And most importantly, do not continue to treat him as a small, unconscious child whose decisions do not deserve the attention of adults.

It is necessary to entertain a teenager with something interesting. It is best if the young guy is busy with a business to which he will not remain indifferent in the future.

During this period, you can not push a teenager away from you inattention to his problems, even if they seem insignificant to parents. A teenager must know that he is understood and loved as he is.

Whatever the problems of adolescence, one cannot treat a teenager like a fragile crystal vase. After all, which means responsible, strong and reliable.