Very often the media reports that our society is evil and aggressive. What is the cause of anger? People are hostile towards their compatriots, irritable and not friendly. What about the media, we encounter rudeness and aggression at every step - in supermarkets, on the road, in public transport? What is the reason for this behavior of people?

What is the cause of anger?

Psychologists believe that the main reason for anger is modern society caused by a violation of the personal rights and personal space of the individual. Pointless restrictions and prohibitions are being introduced. For example, on the days of the arrival of the head of state, traffic on the main streets is blocked without taking into account the fact that people are in a hurry to run errands; During rallies and mass celebrations, metro stations are closed.

Many examples can be given, but the essence remains the same - a person cannot manage himself, his time, his life. Such suppression of one’s own self causes a strong internal protest. People cannot throw out their anger at the direct culprits, so innocent people around them turn out to be victims. It is worth noting that aggressors see the world as more hostile and violent, not realizing that the cause of their condition is stress.

Scientists study human anger widely.

Experts use a concept called locus of control. A person who has it blames others and the current situation for all his failures. He can’t get a job - politics is to blame, he couldn’t pass the test - the teacher is failing, his personal life is not working out - all men are crap... (or a similar option in a male interpretation).

Such people will always find an excuse for all their failures. This is to some extent convenient, because any failed event can be explained by unfair laws. IN things like that our society resembles a child who is looking for a problem somewhere in the outside world, although it is located precisely in him.

Remember Akaki Akakievich, one of Gogol’s characters. This “little” person, who is just a pawn, who considers himself such. People around him also have a low opinion of him. To be as “small” or not is the choice of each person. By choosing the worthless role of a creature oppressed by everyone, you can not care about achievements, self-realization and achieving goals, because in case of failure you can always blame someone or something. You can focus on the cruelty and injustice of the world and accumulate grievances, or you can help someone in a difficult situation, so that next time they will help you.

The cause of anger is ourselves?

It is indeed a fact that we are surrounded by an aggressive and harsh environment. But this does not mean that it requires the same qualities to survive. The people around us are not evil at all - they are just unhappy. They are exhausted by the hustle and bustle and are susceptible to all the problems they face. All this becomes the cause of enormous internal tension, which can be freed with the help of aggression.

It's worth noting that most people can still control their emotions most of the time. This does not mean that they do not notice the negative, they simply accumulate it in themselves for the time being. At one not-so-wonderful moment, everything breaks out, turning into a flash of rage and aggression, often unmotivated. An “explosion” situation is possible when a person is prevented from restraining himself by physical factors - fatigue, hunger, pain, and so on. But despite this, the main source of anger is not external factors, but a person’s dissatisfaction with his life, work, housing, environment.

You should not think that in our time it is impossible to live without negativity and anger, this is not so. We will still encounter negative factors and aggressive people, but mature attitude This shouldn't be a concern for conflicts. A person with a mature psyche understands that every person has the right to emotions, including negative ones. And the aggression of a boss, an aunt in a supermarket, a mother-in-law or a spouse does not always apply to you, it’s just this moment these people are unhappy. It is important to be able to protect yourself culturally, but reliably, from the anger and irritation that comes your way.

This position does not mean that you need to keep all negative emotions inside yourself; this will cause even greater destruction and, in the end, turn you into the same explosive bomb that surrounds you. Internal tension needs to be thrown out both emotionally and physically, directing it in a peaceful direction.

How to fight and overcome anger?

How to get rid of negativity without harming people around you? There are a lot of ways. The simplest option is a punching bag; they are even sometimes given as gifts at corporate events. Are you tired of some person? Imagine him and hit the bag as hard as you can. And the negativity will go away, and the relationship will not be spoiled, and the body will be strengthened (the delivered blow can be useful in case of self-defense).

You can also register at Gym, run in the morning, crumple and tear newspapers, or yell somewhere outside the city. You can turn on your favorite music and dance until you get tired. Some people benefit from calmer activities - breathing exercises, yoga, meditation. In short, the choice is great, everyone can choose exactly what suits them.

There are times when you are overwhelmed with anger, and there is no way to express it using one of the methods described above. In such a situation, you can mentally comment on your state: “I’m very angry, I’m just boiling, almost exploding, goosebumps on my skin, my lips are compressed, my legs are trembling.” Usually such observations help to distract from the cause of anger and avoid a scandal.

An invaluable quality that is worth cultivating in yourself is healthy indifference. It is important to be able to tell yourself in time “I don’t care.” Indeed, what could happen worse than a war, an earthquake, the end of the world, finally? When emotions overwhelm, become an Eastern philosopher.

Psychologists say that every person notices in others to a greater extent those qualities that are inherent in himself. If you are surrounded by deceitful, evil and envious people, think about whether you have these qualities. To change the world, it is enough to look at it differently, and for this you need to change yourself. Work on yourself, then you will be surrounded by kind and polite people. As far as possible, of course.

Remember that aggression is most often caused not by a person’s natural anger, but by his fear. People are afraid of being offended, rejected, misunderstood, so they defend themselves with aggression, like hedgehogs stabbing everyone with needles. Remember this when you meet a scandalous woman in the supermarket or a grumpy neighbor. Perhaps now this person will not cause resentment in you, but pity and sympathy.

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With the birth of a child, many worries and new problems appear in the family. One of them includes the screams and crying of a baby. Parents begin to worry that they cannot understand the reason for this behavior of the baby. They just don't know what to do. IN early age the child does not speak. Therefore, it is quite difficult to find out what exactly is wrong. Pediatricians have developed a rough system by which you can determine the condition of a newborn, as well as find out what to do.

Baby wants to eat

In this case, he makes some pauses between screams. It all starts with a quiet whimper. If the baby is not fed, you will soon hear a loud, choking cry. Dealing with this is very simple: give the baby formula or breastfeeding.

Not enough milk

Have you noticed that towards the end of feeding the baby gets nervous, turns his head, twists his legs, and sucks greedily at the breast? Make sure there is no milk in the breast and place it on the other.

The baby is hot

Touch the newborn's nose with the back of your hand. If it is hot and the skin is red, then the child is overheated. Remove one layer of clothing and give it a drink.

Baby is cold

In this case, a crying child may hiccup. He will have a cold nose and the same hands. The solution is simple - wrap up or dress the baby.

Dirty diapers

This is easy to check. In addition to the fact that the child will whine, you yourself can look at his pants and change the diapers, if necessary. If this is not done on time, then screaming and crying are guaranteed.

Teething

In this case, the crying child does not calm down for a long time, he salivates, has a runny nose, and chews everything he can reach. The temperature may also rise and loose stools may appear. You should prepare for the appearance of teeth in advance. Pharmacies sell special teethers. They are light enough and comfortable for children's hands. The baby will be able to chew them on his own. In addition, there are many gels and ointments designed to relieve itching and pain in the gums. Apply periodically to the inflamed areas, the baby will become calmer.

In this case, the baby cries during feeding because it hurts to swallow. When pressing on the tragus, it becomes restless. The child should be taken to the doctor immediately.

Bloating

This usually occurs in infants under three months of age. At the same time, children twist their legs, pulling them towards their tummy, often worry, and sleep is disturbed. Crying baby does not calm down even in his mother’s arms. During feeding, it is necessary to ensure that the baby does not swallow air. After eating, hold him upright until he burps. Stroke your tummy in a clockwise circular motion.

A crying child is not always a signal that he has some kind of health problem. Perhaps he simply lacks warmth and communication. Pick him up, walk around the room, talk to him, or sing him a song.

The crying doesn't go away

If the baby does not calm down within several hours, call a doctor. Perhaps he is sick with something, and you just don’t notice it. Try to remain calm.

Hello! My name is Natasha, I am a mother of two children. I have the same problem, I lash out at my eldest daughter when she walks around grimacing, when her room is a mess, when we do homework. I can yell at her, it feels like I’ve been possessed by a demon, I can’t control myself, I even spanked her, and when I do this I calm down, kiss, hug and apologize to her, I feel better. I can’t understand the reason for my aggression and I don’t know how to deal with it!???help me.

Answer from theSolution psychotherapist:

Very interest Ask. You did the right thing by seeking counseling in a situation where your emotions are clearly disproportionate to the situation and circumstances. Well done, you have embarked on the path of self-improvement, this is very commendable. Let's look at the psychological background of your emotional reactions, as well as how to correct unsightly emotional reactions in yourself.

First, pay attention to the compulsive nature of your own aggressive impulses. Compulsive means indiscriminate, used where it is necessary and where it is not necessary, disproportionate and inadequate to the stimulus. Healthy aggression is not compulsive, but manifests itself situationally when it is necessary to defend truth and justice. Unhealthy aggression manifests itself indiscriminately, for example, when there is an opportunity to assert one’s power or act cruelly in order to alleviate one’s own feeling of worthlessness and insignificance.

Compulsive neurotic desire for power

In your case, most likely, there is a compulsive neurotic attraction to power, since you are expressing aggression towards a defenseless child who does not have assertiveness skills and who is completely dependent on you. A little girl cannot reject you, refuse to communicate with you, leave home, get a job and buy her own home, as an adult woman could do. This power drive assumption is true as long as you do not express aggression towards those who might hit you back, who have power over you, or who might cause you significant emotional and financial harm. If you behave with your boss the same way as with your eldest daughter, then you will need to look for another explanation for the phenomenon of “nervous breakdowns.”

Formation of subconscious life scenarios in a child

If the assumption of a compulsive neurotic desire for power is correct, then you are essentially teaching your daughter how to be a patient victim, putting into her the settings of the victim script. If, in addition to suffering, you force her to seek your favor by helping you around the house, with youngest child, supporting you emotionally, then in this case we are talking about implementing the settings of the Assistant scenario

Neurotic Must Beliefs or Tyranny of the “Should”

To accurately answer the question of what beliefs are at the basis of the compulsive neurotic desire for power, you need to talk with you personally. Perhaps you believe that children must obey parents unquestioningly, do not demand attention, must help you or solve all problems independently without your help, etc. If you did psychological exercise, having realized and written down all the mental images that appeared in you a second or two before the breakdown in screaming and violence, and analyzed them with a psychoanalyst, you would notice your neurotic beliefs of obligation. It would become clear how “you are programmed.”

According to the cognitive chain rule, emotions are consequences. With neuroses, thoughts arise on the basis of neurotic compulsive drives, which, in turn, hide neurotic obligations. These are the ones that interest us from the point of view of personal psychotherapy and personal self-improvement. It is important to understand that until you do the work of recognizing and changing neurotic should beliefs, you will experience inappropriate emotions. This will scare and unnerve you.

How to discover the neurotic should belief in yourself

Try to ask yourself the question “What SHOULD your daughter have done,” and you will be faced with infantile, unsightly, painful to be aware of neurotic beliefs that trample the idealized image of yourself as an “infallible mother.” Awareness will be accompanied strong feeling discomfort and a reaction of rage, as well as a feeling of shame about what beliefs are “downloaded like programs into a computer” into your psyche. Don't be afraid of it. Reacting to your rage through a special type of breathing that relaxes tense muscles will help you.

Yet, despite the strong emotional discomfort, working to correct your beliefs will have a very beneficial effect on your personal development and on the quality of your relationship with your eldest daughter. Try not to blame yourself for your beliefs, they can be changed. Of course, you have a reason why you are the way you are. Perhaps you yourself were emotionally abused as a child and are simply repeating with your eldest daughter what your parents did to you. However, your injuries are not an excuse to continue behaving this way, as help from psychologists and psychotherapists is readily available. Let's look further at the internal processes.

Rationalization as a complex neurotic defense

Rationalization, in your example, “a demon has possessed me,” “I can’t control myself,” is a complex method of neurotic defense. Neurotic defenses can be simple, such as devaluation, or complex, such as rationalization. They turn on whenever you are under extreme stress. With a compulsive neurotic desire for power, the child’s disobedience causes severe stress. Why do you think you are stressed? Due to the destruction of the false personality, i.e. idealized image. Your idealized image of a perfect mother is destroyed and you see a part of yourself that is far from ideal, if not close to vice.

Rationalization is needed in order not to notice your internal conflict, your conflicting programs in the psyche. It helps you look good in your own eyes and temporarily raises your self-esteem because the excuse looks pretty decent. The problem with rationalization is that it always takes awareness away from the real ugly mental processes. For example, a red-haired boy may claim that his classmates don’t like him “because he’s red,” and overlook the fact that he hits the weak during recess.

What do neurotic defenses hide?

Perhaps the following paragraphs will be emotionally difficult to read, but useful, like a bitter pill. We can say, figuratively speaking, that self-justification, as well as other types of neurotic defenses, hide mental vices from awareness and change. By the word vices we mean stable patterns of thinking, emotional response and behavior, in which, instead of striving for good, the choice goes towards evil. Remember that the soul has virtues and vices. Virtue is a habitual pattern of response and behavior in which we choose truth, justice and goodness, and vices are when we choose evil and degradation. A person has free will and is free to choose between the path of moral self-improvement and personal degradation. From a religious point of view, spiritual teachers point out the correct path in which the principles of morality are observed and self-improvement in the sense occurs.

Fortunately, the desired virtue of character can be developed and trained in oneself by replacing a vicious character trait with a virtuous one. How to do this practically?

What do you need to do to change for the better?

Try to think like this: “at the current level personal development I have developed such and such virtues, but not developed such and such vices.” Then make a plan for personal self-improvement and introduce new models of thinking and responding through repeated repetition. If new model thinking and reacting are repeated many hundreds of times, then it becomes fixed as habitual. There is personal growth invisible to the eye, an internal transformation of the personality for the better. You use new models as often as possible, and old ones as rarely as possible. Outwardly, it looks as if your character has changed in better side. If you start a new habit where a good strategy is applied, it may be somewhat artificial, instead of bad, then sooner or later a good habit will take hold. This means that over time, virtue will develop instead of vice, and the properties of your soul will change for the better. In this way, you will put into practice the main spiritual purpose of the soul - to change for the better during your life, and you will be honored and praised for your moral self-improvement. If you practice sensitivity, consideration, and kindness much more often than violence, you will develop virtues in yourself that do not currently exist.

Egocentrism and emotional abuse impulses

What unsightly properties of the soul are most likely hidden behind rationalization in your case? The habit of arrogating to oneself the right to emotionally suppress another person, even a small one, is due to unconscious impulses towards violence. This assumption is true if you have severe anxiety attacks that mask rage when someone disobeys you. A criterion worth paying attention to: the habit of violating the principle of free will. This is where the waterline demarcates good and evil.

Impulses to violence, emotional or physical, usually accompany the vice of egocentrism, in which there is no respect for the feelings and needs of another person. For example, when there is no genuine respect for the child's need for emotional security, there is no attentiveness to the daughter's feelings during a cry.

When a source of security becomes a source of threat

When we scream, we don't think about what it's like to listen, do we? Try to put yourself in your daughter's shoes when you're an adult. Strong woman, a symbol of security and love, begin to be a source of threat and danger for her. Can you imagine the horror that must grip a little girl who is forced to seek protection from the source of the threat? She will have the choice to either refuse to feel her feelings and become. Or imitate you in your violence and become a hostile neurotic. Or withdraw into yourself and become a distant neurotic. How can it be fully formed when the techniques of Association with screaming mom or a complete renunciation of one’s “I”. Agree, these are not the problems that a school-age child should have.

Improve yourself

Fortunately, both from egocentrism and from a tendency to impulses emotional abuse You can get rid of it if you engage in personal growth and reconsider, change your beliefs, neurotic demands and way of thinking. Then your emotions will change, and you will become a truly kind, sensitive mother, creating all the conditions for your daughter to fully grow and develop. Try not to blame yourself for your vices, but start working on them. Believe me, you will succeed, you will be able to change, and the quality of your relationship with your child will move to another level. Your investment in your personal development will pay off handsomely. One day you will change so much for the better that you will remember your compulsive neurotic reactions with a smile, and your daughter will truly love you and respect you, and not be afraid of you. Even if you have already damaged your daughter's personal development, still do everything you can to change for the better. She will feel better.

Signs of unconscious sadism

Let's gain some mental strength and look at another difficult, unsightly moment. The fact that you lash out at your eldest daughter when she “makes faces” indicates a manifestation of unconscious sadism. The desire to cut off the joy and instead “hit you in the gut,” “cause emotional pain.” When a child “grimaces,” he behaves spontaneously and expresses sincere, living emotions. It is hatred of living, genuine emotions that indicates a sadistic impulse. Why is this moment extremely important?

Unconscious sadism is the final stage of the formation of deep neurosis, and neurosis refers to mental damage. With neuroses, it is important to understand that the logic of thinking is deeply disturbed, and beliefs, as you already understand, reflect the tyranny of the must.

What you need to understand about unconscious sadism.

Its task is to hold together parts of the psyche that are split into parts. What does this mean in practice? A mentally healthy person, an authentic personality, has such properties as coherence and personal integrity. Elements of his personality, such as self-concept, locus of control, self-esteem, etc., in the three-dimensional structure of personality are welded into a coherent structure and act in concert.

With deep neurosis, each element lives “its own life,” moreover, unconsciously. This is why “strange and uncontrollable emotional reactions” appear, which arise on their own, against the will. The cohesion of personality elements among themselves is called personality integrativeness. Integrativeness and personality plasticity are the two most important factors of stress resistance. The closer your level of personality development is to authenticity, the more resistant to stress, emotionally resilient and strong you are. And accordingly vice versa. The deeper the neurosis, the worse the situation with stress resistance.

Metaphor about the similarity of the psyche and computer programs

How could this same idea be explained in a different way? The psyche is very similar in structure to a computer with programs. Imagine a computer loaded with mutually exclusive and contradictory programs that are turned on one by one or at the same time. Sometimes strange programs turn on by themselves when certain triggers occur. Typically, a computer with conflicting files will freeze, and this is similar to a neurotic person who is ineffective and inactive, since all his energy is spent maintaining the status quo. , is that program that helps a “computer-like” barely function, with strange mutually exclusive programs. Ineffective, cruel and out of place. Personal psychotherapy is similar to reinstalling the root directory and clearing conflicting files, when damaged programs are reinstalled into useful and smoothly functioning ones. The difference between a programmer and a psychotherapist is that you yourself change the programs in your psyche. A specialist only tells you how to find and change for the better what you don’t notice about yourself.

Legalization of the outburst of suppressed rage

At the current level of development, while you are cruel to a defenseless and dependent child, you somehow exist with your internal conflicts, tearing your psyche apart. Moreover, you even legalize the outburst by making obligatory demands on your daughter about homework and cleaning up toys. All this allows you not to notice that at the moment of personal development you are thinking, let’s not be afraid of this word, abnormally and that your beliefs require correction, from the point of view of common sense. And you know deep down that you are doing wrong, that’s why you feel guilty and kiss your daughter, trying to make amends and compensate her for the emotional damage. Of course, it's time to do something about this. Rely on your healthy, adequate part of your personality, which loves your daughter and wishes her well. Work with the damaged, traumatized part of yourself so that you can heal your mental wounds and, by abandoning the bad, make a choice towards the good.

Change your way of thinking

Judging by the signs that you indicated in your letter, you need personal psychotherapy, and medium-term (4-6 years of regular, 2 hours a week, sessions with a psychologist). You will have to go through both reacting with rage through your breathing and put in a lot of effort to change your beliefs and way of thinking. It's not as easy as you initially thought when you wrote us a letter. One banal piece of advice cannot help here. You have a long and difficult road ahead. practical work to change your personality for the better, to correct your way of thinking. Nevertheless, the one who walks will master the road. If you take care of yourself now, then in a few years you will work out this problem within yourself. You will certainly succeed, and you are smart that you started working on yourself. Remember that it doesn’t matter what your starting point is, if you improve yourself morally, then you can count yourself among good people. Your problem can be solved and you are great for taking a responsible approach and becoming interested in its solution. All the best!

Are you in a difficult life situation? Get a free and anonymous consultation with a psychologist on our website or ask your question in the comments.

“I am broken and depressed inside. Depression doesn't go away. Doubts, fears, many hours of thinking about the meaninglessness of existence.
How to understand yourself I Confused, what to do next? How to correct the mistakes of the past?I want to learn to live again, to believe in myself again. But how can I overcome the heavy feeling of guilt and move forward in life towards new goals?

Life– this is a period of continuous learning, personal development in it, as in school, mistakes are inevitable. It is important not to slip into useless worries for any reason, losing precious vital energy, but to learn valuable lessons leading to a gradual transformation of character, responsibility, adequate perception of the world and understanding of one’s place in it.

Mistakes of the past

How to understand yourself, realizing the mistakes of your past? A person admits to himself about his own mistakes when they have already been made. By blaming other people, the Universe, and circumstances, he distances himself from understanding the lessons he has learned. Only by admitting honestly to yourself, allowing for the right to make mistakes, do opportunities open up for learning and accepting personal mistakes.

The focus shifts from self-flagellation to awareness of the wrong path. Wise people admit their mistakes easily. They know that development accelerates when they take action, rather than returning over and over again to the past.

Feelings of shame combined with unsuccessful attempts to overcome difficulties explain why many people cannot understand themselves and give up on their goals - they are not ready to accept responsibility for mistakes. They lack faith in success, because from childhood they are taught to feel guilty for personal failures. Hence there is complete confidence that more complex goals will lead to more severe consequences. It has been noticed that the greater the ambition, the lower the ability to overcome obstacles and learn from one’s mistakes.

Errors are divided into 4 types:

• Troubles that happen own stupidity , carelessness, frivolity.
• Past mistakes made once upon a time inevitable retribution for which it has not yet come.
• Errors that are understandable, but require volitional efforts to rectify the situation.
• Errors having complex, and not an obvious way to solve them. Correcting such errors on your own requires certain knowledge in the field of esotericism, so sometimes it is better to contact a competent specialist (Spiritual Healer) in these matters.

How to understand yourself: understand the reasons and correct the mistakes of the past

Mistakes made determine the character of a person. More often a person suffers when they are repeated, forcing him to change through complex transformations of his own ego.

Not everyone is ready to admit their shortcomings, wrongness, false judgments, which is a subconscious refusal to recognize the real state of affairs. This speaks to limitations that are ingrained from early childhood.

A thorough analysis of the current situation by asking yourself questions will help you understand yourself and understand the reasons for the troubles that have arisen:

• What was the probability of the events that happened?
• Are there alternative solutions that should have been considered but were not?
• Perhaps numerous small mistakes were made that led to one big problem?
• What was the motive for taking the wrong action?
• Perhaps setting the wrong goals led to the problem?
• What can be done differently if the problem recurs?
• What useful information will help you cope with trouble?
• How can you avoid getting into such situations?
• Was it inevitable, all things considered?
• Is this really the reason or does it only appear to be so after a short period of time?

The spiritual path of development will help you understand yourself and correct the mistakes of the past. What's happened Spiritual development, read

How to understand yourself, if you can’t do it yourself, life doesn’t change for the better

The support and help of a good spiritual healer, psychologist, relatives, friends, colleagues contribute to the objective identification of misconceptions, false choices, and mistakes made. Admitting to yourself that you cannot do without outside help sometimes requires more courage than trying to solve the problem yourself.

The more complex the lesson, the deeper the upcoming changes. If you try to fix something without understanding what the essence is, then this approach ends in more severe and confusing consequences. Do not forget that the help of a good person is wonderful, but no one can help you as qualitatively as you can - to understand and understand yourself.

What to do if your actions have had a bad impact on other people

No analysis can replace self-confidence. If actions have a negative impact on other people, then this gives rise to doubts in one’s own abilities, because next time a similar situation will be perceived with a negative connotation, fear. The best thing that can be done in similar circumstances is to try not to repeat past mistakes, for which it is necessary to expand the perspective of perception, look at the event not linearly, but try to see it as a whole; explore from a different angle, from the side.

It is useful to remember and understand what emotions similar troubles in other people cause you, which will certainly significantly reduce the criticality of the current circumstances. Perhaps in some ways their mistakes will look comical, and most importantly, understandable, which will make it easier to get out of difficulties. If you manage to approach a problem with humor, then the need to judge yourself on the basis of one event disappears, which will prevent repetitions of such events in the future. Humor psychologically liberates and distracts from the endless experience of past unpleasant moments in one’s biography, leading to mental disorders and depression.

Finally, a simple technique that allows you to successfully cope with any problem:

Imagine that there is a backpack hanging behind your back that has no bottom, into which you need to put all the negativity that you encounter along the path of life. You can throw insults, resentments, hatred, envy, anger, doubts there. This gradually clears perception of unwanted emotional coloring, and events are presented in their pure form without distortion of the actual state of affairs. Also, purity of perception will preserve mental and physical state normal, because negativity will not linger in a person’s energy field, provoking the occurrence of diseases based on nervous experiences. And most importantly, the road to your goals will become clear and will undoubtedly lead to their achievement.

An acute desire to change jobs is usually accompanied by typical symptoms and equally typical justifications:

Symptom: You are starting to take longer to get ready for work, and the morning at the office begins not with checking email, but with several cups of coffee.

Justification:“I’m just collecting my thoughts, getting ready, and in general, the road to work is a whole ordeal.”

Symptom: You have increased headaches and discomfort in the neck, back, and abdomen. But doctors cannot find anything criminal.

Justification:“I just don’t get enough sleep, I sit on an uncomfortable chair and eat all sorts of nonsense.”

Symptom: You feel depressed already on Sunday because you have to work tomorrow.

Justification:“Well, it’s just a pity that you have to go to bed early, you won’t go anywhere in the evening...”

Symptom: You are literally shaking from calls regarding work issues on weekends or in the evening.

Justification:“Do they even understand that a person has a personal life?!”

Symptom: You feel bad in transport or in traffic jams just when you are going to work or back home. In other cases, trips go well.

Justification:“Rush hour is a completely unbearable thing, and even a fluffy bunny will go wild!”

If you notice most of these symptoms, then the diagnosis is clear: your unloved job has driven you to the brink. But is it really just her?

After all, she can get it not only because you work in a hotbed of evil, but also for a number of reasons completely remote from this.

Reason 1

Emotional

Even your favorite job can become unbearable if everyday work has brought you to chronic fatigue syndrome. So, before you decide to finally slam the office door, try to take a vacation or go on sick leave - give yourself a break.

And don’t forget that with a frantic rhythm, any little thing can finish you off. For example, moving from a separate office to an open-space office, a smoking ban (for smokers), the employer’s refusal to provide employees with coffee, the closure of the canteen, and so on. Remember if there have been any similar changes over the past two or three months. If there were, then give yourself time to get used to them.

Difficulties at home or troubles in your personal life can also drain your psyche. Agree that repairs can cripple even those who are especially stressed, love troubles even more so. All this results in real work problems and a persistent feeling of fatigue.

Health status and disruption to your daily routine can also have an impact. If you sleep little, eat poorly, and rarely move, you generally feel unwell. In such a situation, overall performance decreases, conflicts arise, and you make mistakes more often.

Reason 2

Temporary

Very often, dissatisfaction with work is caused by the fact that you poorly plan your time. And not only what you spend in the office, but also personal. Let's say you diligently keep an organizer, keep track of business meetings and projects, but you have complete chaos in your home and love. All this fuss will constantly keep you on edge and take away your nervous resources. Divide your day in the weekly planner into two parts - work and personal. This will make your life much more comfortable.

Also include rules for interaction with family in your time management. Perhaps you are in constant stress because you do not refuse everyone who wants to communicate with you on ICQ or by phone. Teach your family that they can only contact you during work hours on really important issues. And even then, it’s better to send SMS rather than call. This format forces a person to be laconic. Answer messages like “Call me” with a question mark. Of course, you will have to listen to reproaches for some time, but it will be worth it.

Well, if fatigue is caused by work matters, then you should divide them into...

...long-term projects with control points;

...medium-long tasks with deadlines;

…short-term priority tasks;

...things that can be postponed until later with a deadline;

...work that needs to be delegated to another person along with responsibility.

Take the time to put all this in an organizer, preferably paper. And before you make promises about unexpected tasks, check your schedule. This will help you reduce your stress level and be more confident and relaxed about your work.

Reason 3

Personal

Quite often, certain personality traits lead to work stress. Those that make you hysterical: “I have a huge responsibility!”, “I made an unforgivable mistake again!” - even if you are appointed tangerine sorter. Here are some internal settings that indicate this:

“I have to cope with all the tasks!”

Everything seems to be logical: there is work to do, it must be done. However, the maximalist position is not simply “responsibility plus hard work.” These are rather problems with flexibility of thinking, inflated demands on oneself. And the roots of all this are in deep self-doubt. You should understand that a strong specialist is not the one who is always afraid of making a mistake and then spends his vacation in a neurosis clinic due to nervous exhaustion, but the one who finds a way out of difficult situations. It is impossible to calculate everything in advance, just as it is impossible to get people to meet your expectations and requirements.

“I am unworthy of my position (salary).”

If you tend to think that you cleverly deceived everyone by pretending to be an excellent specialist, but in fact you don’t understand anything about your business, then you won’t be able to avoid stress. Fear of exposure is one of the signs of problematic self-esteem. Real swindlers feel drive from this fear, not loss of strength. The imaginary ones suffer. Psychologists sometimes advise such people to be proud of their dexterity and ability to fool their heads, but such a gaming technique rarely works. Here it makes sense to work with self-esteem with the support of a specialist.

“I rarely succeed in anything, but failures come one after another.”

This is how the world is seen by a person who not only has low self-esteem, but is also prone to negativism, that is, he fixates on the disadvantages of any situation and does not pay attention to the advantages. Especially when it comes to his failures and achievements. She completed a successful project - she just did her job. I missed the customer - that’s it, death, I’m good for nothing. You need to learn to celebrate your successes. You don’t have to extol yourself to the skies for them, but you should definitely “make notes as a keepsake.”

That's it, it's time to change!

But only one fact probably speaks about the true need to change your unloved job: you already know what you really want. This could be a position in a smaller or larger company, or an office closer to home, or a change in career. Perhaps your incentive is to escape from a specific boss, and this is also a reason that has a right to exist. But claims from the “everything is enough” series are fraught with the acquisition of your favorite rake.

Honourable mention

“Those who tend to demand too much from themselves are more likely to have serious nervous breakdowns,” says Vladimir Alexandrov. “Try to boost your self-esteem in these ways.”

Highlight your achievements.

Receive certificates, advanced training diplomas and other evidence of success and recognition. And don’t be shy to place them near your workplace or as a scan on your computer desktop. Let them remind you (and your colleagues) that you can do a lot of things and are generally great.

Realize that you have limited influence on others.

And, therefore, limited liability for what happens. Set realistic goals for yourself and always tell yourself: “Yes, Batman could do better. But for some reason he hasn’t been seen for a long time, and he clearly doesn’t apply for my position.”

Try to depend less on the opinions of others.

If a colleague responded inadequately to your simple request or even yelled at you for no apparent reason and called you mediocrity, the problem is not with you, but with her - perhaps she is also reading this article now. React to objective criticism not with apologies and self-deprecation, but with a phrase like: “I understand that problems have arisen, let’s try to solve them.”

TEXT: Anna Nikitina