Our first conversation is called: “The less we love a man...” Why does this work? Should I ignore a man?

The conversation was conceived as a survey of female readers about whether or not to ignore men. You can read the short conversation and comments from readers below.

And now, in fact, some small comments from Rashid Kirranov and a summary of the comments and the experience of the girls.

No point. Ignoring a man is undeniably a powerful technique if used correctly..

Ignoring a man is his punishment for bad behavior. (objectively bad)

If a man is indifferent to a woman, then ignoring him is not a punishment for him. Therefore, it is useless to ignore indifferent men (or few lovers). (he can worry, of course, like an ordinary person does, but the effect is not the same)

First. It is almost useless to ignore a man who is already indifferent to the girl.

Theoretically, everything is clear here. In practice, this is one of the most common mistakes. A man can show some small sympathy from the category that he has for almost any pretty girl. Maybe they didn’t even particularly like the girl and the communication was only due to the fact that men rarely directly tell girls that they didn’t really like them.
And here, if a girl turns on ignore, then he looks funny and sad at the same time. It won't work, of course. At least it won’t give the effect that the girl expects.

I repeat that this error is extremely common.

An example of an error. A man and a woman somehow communicate, but it is the woman who initiates the communication. The man does little and often criticizes the woman.

It is clear that in this situation the girl depends on the man, but he does not.

You can, of course, try to turn on ignoring. What will happen as a result of this? A man may not even notice that a girl is ignoring her, and it will be extremely difficult for her. As a result, after a few days she may call him again, ask for forgiveness, etc.

Don't do that. If a man does not depend on you, but you strongly depend on him, then do not turn on ignoring him yet. First, gradually reduce your dependence on it. Or at least assess your strength for such actions. There is no need to do things that will only make the relationship worse.. This is one of the most important principles of ignoring. If you started ignoring him, and then called yourself, asked for forgiveness, etc., then after some time the man will begin to be rude.

And for this, I repeat, it is extremely important to understand how important a man is to you and how prepared you are for the fact that a man may not show any initiative for a long time.

Ignoring is not a technique for the faint of heart or for weak positions in relationships. If your position in relationships is weak or you are not very strong in spirit, then this most effective technique for communicating with men is not for you.

Maybe a girl likes a man, but he doesn’t like her, and because of this, it’s easier for her not to communicate with him at work. (especially if she said she liked her) But this is not ignoring in the sense that we mean.

Secondly, there is no need to include ignoring.

Ignoring a man is a dangerous sword. You need to very carefully remove it from its sheath and start swinging it.

In 80% of the cases I've looked at, the man's problems are clearly not worthy of being ignored. That is, the reaction is clearly overkill.

Well, let’s say a man calls before the first date and confirms the time of the date. The girl blocks him everywhere. (and then he often regrets) But if you met on a dating site, then he and you can have 3 dates a day. It is clear that the details can fly out of your head, but a girl is still nothing to a man and there is no need to talk about any kind of falling in love and priority. After all, the girl probably corresponded with a couple of dozen men and is unlikely to remember the details of the personal lives of each of them.

Don't just ignore it. This is an extremely common mistake in communication. The man starts courting, calls, offers something, etc. And the girl likes him. But either the girl is too lazy to answer, or she thinks that he’s a bad runner and she stops answering and doesn’t answer calls. That is, not in response to rudeness or anything like that, but just like that. This is a mistake and can be costly. Then often the man turns on ignore (the force of justice is behind him) and the girl herself starts running.

Third. Ignoring a man is much better than sorting things out with him.

If, for example, a man is a little rude and you have the choice to give him a showdown for a couple of days and blow his mind or turn on ignoring, then ignoring is much better.

That is, a conversation in the form: “You are like this because you didn’t do this and that” and “Because real men act differently, and you...”, etc. within a couple of hours of messages, usually much worse than simply being ignored.

If you like to tell a man how to behave and why he offended you and where, then in 90% of cases it is better to simply ignore him.

In the case of outright rudeness, of course, you can explain your position very briefly, but nothing more.

Fourth - while ignoring a man, you need to completely switch your attention to something else.

Quite an important point, one of the most important when performing this technique. Now you have turned on ignore. What's next? After all, this is the time when it’s not hours that pass, even usually, but days, weeks, months, or even a man’s ignoring goes on forever.

Do you need to sit near the phone and see if he wrote something? Should you go to his social network pages and see what’s going on with him? (Even if from a different account)

The obvious question is no. If you are looking at the phone, if your thoughts are busy with a man, if you are discussing him with your friends, then it will be either impossible or difficult for you to complete the reception fully. And even if a man suddenly appears, if you have been waiting for a long time (and were not busy with other things), then you will have aggressiveness in your voice. After all, you have waited so long.

Rule five. Ignoring varies in severity. You don’t always need to block your phone, WhatsApp and move to another city in order to ignore it.

Let's say a man said something on the first date. Maybe this is something not very pleasant for you. Let's say he says something about his exes.

You can rudely interrupt and make a remark to the man in the spirit: “I don’t like it. I’m sitting in front of you, and you’re talking about others...” This is often the end of a relationship, even if the man is wrong.

Can be gently ignored. That is, listen a little, but do not go deeper with your questions. After some time, you can try to change the topic to something else. You can eventually end the date if you find it too annoying.

Easy ignore is a response to WhatsApp messages, perhaps not in a few seconds, as you usually respond, but in an hour, for example.

Easy ignoring is asking someone else for help in solving some issues. (this should not be a reason to cause jealousy) Let’s say you call a taxi, and don’t ask him to take you somewhere.

Easy ignore means communication only on official matters, if you are colleagues.

Use light ignoring whenever possible. Strong techniques are strong because they cannot be used with or without reason, otherwise the girl will look more like a hysterical person who either stops communicating for no reason or something else.

Easy ignoring is also an easy way out of it. Usually, simply a man’s initiative is enough to get out of it. Sometimes a small apology is enough.

It can be more difficult to get out of strict ignore.

Rule six. What can you ignore?

The most understandable thing is the man’s outright rudeness. (Without your reason, of course) There may be a meeting with other girls. (Not after 1-2 dates of course)

Be careful when turning on ignoring at the beginning of a relationship. Let's say that you started corresponding with a man, maybe even had your first meeting. He clearly didn't fall in love at first sight. But there is some correspondence and sometimes meetings. If a man doesn’t annoy you, then you don’t need to ignore him. For what? Because he can't fall in love? Stupid.

Think about why he can't fall in love? There may be 5-6 main reasons, and we will not consider them here. But maybe something can be fixed quickly. In any case, ignoring is stupid.

Rule six. How to get out of being ignored?

Let me remind you once again that ignoring a man is his punishment for his bad behavior towards you.

If, for example, the rudeness was minor, then slight ignorance was a punishment for this and no apology from the man is required for his misconduct. After all, he was already ignored. Don't demand any more apologies from him. If a criminal has served 10 years in prison, then no one demands an apology from him.

If the man’s act really deserved significant ignoring, then it should be ignored for a long time. Write to him that you are offended and want to be alone. So that he doesn't write. And don't answer any further.
It happens that a man first behaves aggressively, then he can block you or something else. Until a man is ready to sincerely apologize and change something, there is no point in communicating.

The main mistake is going into communication, presenting one’s grievances, etc. Do not do this.

And one last thing. If such situations are repeated periodically with this man or with other men, then of course you must definitely try to understand what the reason is and change it. Ignoring is only removing the conflict.

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov

Dear readers, probably each of you has had a similar situation in your life: a guy you don’t like clung to you tightly, like a bath leaf. And the worse you try to behave with him, the more you “ignore” him, the effect is the opposite: he pays you more and more attention, he pursues you more and more actively. Of course, up to a certain point (if you “send” it in a very rude manner, then they will stop trying).

And vice versa - if you like a guy or a man, it is difficult for you to ignore him and pretend to be indifferent. You answer all his calls, agree to all meetings. And the rapprochement is going much slower than you would like. It can often even happen that the guy disappears and stops calling.

Unfortunately, this is often true. A man pays less attention to you for several reasons.

A man wants to take the initiative. If he doesn’t show it, it means he’s not interested in you. Or again they crushed him with excessive initiative.

No need to feel sorry for the man! There is no need to justify him: he is so timid, indecisive... The wonderful Soviet film “Carnival Night” describes a situation when the “timid and indecisive” Grisha Koltsov still achieves the love of Lena Krylova. Towards the end of the film, he still managed to overcome his timidity and indecisiveness.

If the relationship is already developing quite successfully, and suddenly you have a fight, you don’t need to accept the man right away! Now he has come to you to confess - before you “understand and forgive”, torture him a little. For his own good, that's how strange they are, men. What comes easily to them is not appreciated.

I’ll tell you a specific story that our reader shared:

Oksana dated a guy for about a year, but he paid too little attention to her, constantly citing being busy. They ended up arguing and Maxim left.

After 3 months, there was a call from Maxim: he said that he had not forgotten Oksana, still loved her and missed her very much. Oksana, of course, was very pleased with the guy’s attention.

That same evening they met, and the girl tried to behave as if nothing had happened. Maxim only said “excuse me” when we met, and that’s all.

What do you think, dear readers, should a man be ignored? I will be waiting for your comments on this topic.

Eleonora Kuksova

71 comments

Hello! I would be very grateful if you could help me with advice, I’m completely confused... Sorry in advance for cutting down as much as I could.
The fact is that this is my first relationship, it began when I was 20 and he was 24. We work together, and that’s how we met. We started a relationship and trusted each other very quickly. Our relationship is a mistake. We started living together very quickly, literally in the second month in his apartment. He really wanted this himself and was happy when I left things with him by chance. The point is that the candy-bouquet period passed for us in almost a week and we began to live almost like a family. We didn’t go anywhere, we just hung out at home and watched movies, rejoicing in each other’s company and that we had been found. Then I stopped being happy with this state of affairs: I was a girl after all, I wanted courtship, a movie, a cafe. At first I just told him this, he seemed to understand, and then, after a couple of months, I was already having hysterics, since the situation did not change. Until recently, I felt, and even now, that I was not achieved. And then that he doesn’t respect me at all. Then we had situations when he was very rude to me, but I could not answer (my body reacts strangely to rudeness, I was not confident in myself) and in the end I left him. There were 3 such cases in our 2-year history. Two were me, and the third happened 2 weeks ago, he kicked me out at 3 a.m., we were both not sober, but not completely drunk either. We quarreled. He has a grudge against me because the third time I moved in with him without his permission, when he was out of town. For about three months I complained that it was hard for me to live in two houses and with my mother and with him 3-4 times a week. He was not involved in this matter. I would say that I was not interested in his decision. He once said that he was afraid to see again that my things were not at home (and he didn’t want to correct his behavior?). And then say: well, you’ll leave sometimes?! He writes papers, and he can only do this when he is at home alone. We used to sort this out, but now he just stopped caring about me and I moved on my own. Yes, I did what was best for myself, because there was plenty of time to resolve the issue for him. At first he reacted normally, saying that this means there will be motivation to quickly build a workshop on the balcony and no one will have to leave. It seemed like we were living normally, as usual. But we still had one more problem, and a very serious one: we did not have full sex. I was a virgin and didn’t understand anything, but he already had experience. The first time was painful. In the future, nothing worked for us, because penetration caused enormous pain. There were no gynecological problems. We then stopped trying and limited ourselves to petting. He said that for him this is not the most important thing, the main thing is spiritual closeness, as for me. But he didn’t try to excite me before intimacy, he literally tried to get in right away. I learned that it was too late to do this, only a year later.
It’s impossible to describe everything, there were also good moments (mostly at home, but outside we often quarreled, as if we became strangers to each other during quarrels, any, whether at home or not). In short, we are like two children with a lot of grievances against each other. Now we have what we have: a complete lack of intimacy, we almost didn’t go anywhere (lately we just started to get out), and now we’re breaking up altogether. It seems like a logical end, but maybe not? He is also delivering the rest of my things. I tried to make peace, but I can’t forgive him for what he did. Kicked me out. Now he’s everywhere in the block, because he’s been rude to me again, and he reacts strangely when I want to take away my small things, like you take the hair from the bathroom, a strange complaint. February 14th is coming soon. What if he tries to ask for forgiveness again?
He says that it was all his fault, but it’s not clear that he wants to correct anything, like this will be a lesson for him. And I'm already tired of waiting for action. I had to first become his authority, and then everything would be better. Do we have a chance to start over and build normal relationships based on respect or is there no point? And will it be enough to simply apologize after such an act in order not to lose his dignity at all, or should he prove his love to me? Thanks for reading.

• Hello K.
  I’m afraid that you have such a set of inflated expectations and resentments towards men in general and towards your man that it is difficult to do something quickly.
  A couple of examples to make it clear.
  1. Throughout the text there are expectations that a man should change his behavior. And when he doesn’t change it, then you beat him one way or another. Let’s say you leave the apartment or there’s just a scandal.
  He owes you this, this, the fifth, the tenth thing.
  But that's not how relationships are built. If you are not satisfied with the relationship, then you need to change or leave this man and look for another. Any other approach will not work.

  2. Inflated expectations and grievances.
  — A man should do just fine without sex. And he said that the main thing is spirituality. (What else could he say) But it’s his fault that it hurts you during sex.
  Don't blame everything on the man. He's probably not the ideal lover, but he hasn't done anything that 50% of men his age and experience haven't done. I don’t think he wanted to hurt you, much less cause such problems for himself. What can you do now? Doctor? Is the lubricant artificial? May be something else. Think for yourself first, seek advice yourself.

  A lot of grievances that you are building up.
  - He kicked you out of the house. You describe it as if he was with you infant exposed it to the cold.
  In reality, you had a big fight, you were in drunkenness. Most likely you said all sorts of nasty things to him in a quarrel. (like him of course)
  You just went to your parents, where you lived periodically anyway.
  Essentially an ordinary quarrel, where the man may be more to blame than you, but this is not something that needs to be remembered for several years.
  He’s trying to make peace, but you most likely don’t react, but start hitting him again like, “You put me out on the street.”
  I cited probably 10% of what you have from grievances and high expectations in the text.

  Try to remove this pile of grievances and expectations from yourself. If he is important to you, then respond to his next attempt at reconciliation. Don't lecture him on how to behave with you during a conflict. Try to change yourself.
  If you can’t forgive, then just leave.

  • Thank you, Rashid!

    Good afternoon, I still have a few questions.
    We finally made peace. He’s glad that I didn’t sit with a gloomy face and made contact, thank you for these tips!
    I want to restore our relationship. There are only two points where I am afraid of behaving incorrectly: first, his “condescending jokes” really infuriate me. For example, when I say that I will be busy, he can answer “wow, how busy we are,” or, for example, yesterday I said that tomorrow is my day off, don’t look for me (we work together), he immediately pretends that rolls his eyes and also kicks. I don’t understand where this comes from... Like, was I really going to look for you? Maybe there’s something wrong with my head, or is it really something that can’t be left to chance anymore and I need to answer him something? For example: “I don’t like this condescending tone. If for some reason you don’t consider me an equal partner, then don’t waste your time and mine.” Or maybe this is very rude.. Based on the correspondence to his ‘how busy we are))’, I decided to answer ‘yes, so what?’. He said: nothing. It also seems very rude what I said..
    And yet, you say that a man should pay for a girl in a cafe, and for entertainment in general. We have a slightly different scheme. As I already wrote, we rarely went anywhere during these two years, but he paid. But we often ordered food at home, and we had about a 60 to 40, sometimes 70 to 30 ratio. I'm a little smaller. Will you be able to change the situation? I'm afraid to hear again: maybe you'll order? Again I won’t find an adequate answer to this and everything will start all over again.
    I really want to buy your book to examine such issues in more detail. Which one is better to choose first in my case? '12 secrets of managing men..' or '19 mistakes, how to make him love and respect you'?

Good evening. I would be grateful for your advice. I hope you can help. I've been living with my boyfriend for 1.5 years now. We've been together for a little over 2 years. This is the first time that he and I have had such a long-term relationship. He is 27, I am 22. Money problems arose a few months ago. He works, but his salary is 2 times less than mine. As a result, I pay for both accommodation and groceries, after work I go to the store and cook every day
I stopped feeling like a girl. More like a convenient roommate for him. Sex about once every 1-2 weeks. Although everything started out wonderfully. I tried to talk to him for money, since my entire salary goes towards our accommodation and food... And unfortunately I can’t afford anything. Which he was unhappy about. In the end, I (I realize that this was my mistake) gave up and said that I would leave everything as it was, or I would come up with something. All this accumulated (I had to go into debt). I told him about the debts, but only recently told him what they were for. Ultimately, hoping for his support or help, I received nothing. He could pretend that everything was fine and only spoke negatively about the debts. I said that I would go home because I couldn’t carry everything and pay. The guy asked “what will this give me” and even after answering he said nothing more. I tried to explain that I expected support from him, not indifference, and even when I was packing my things (I didn’t cry, although it was terribly offensive) - he was silent. I watched everything. Before leaving, I said that in a month (the period I set) it might happen that neither he nor I would want to go back to everything. Therefore, we will separate. When leaving, I didn’t take all my things, but only what was necessary.
He called the day after I left (just for 2 seconds to ask how I was doing), and after (the next day too). When I asked what he was doing, he replied that he was walking. Supposedly alone. But he never did such a thing. And I heard that there was a guy not at home. I was very upset and now I don’t want to write or call. And she hung up the call. I am aware of some of the problems that arose and that I allowed and that maybe I am absolutely not important to him.

• Hello Darina.
  You have a fairly strong constant pressure on a man on almost all issues. This is very stressful for men in general, and if any problem arises, then even more so.
  “I set a month period when we don’t come back to return to everything,” (The guy’s opinion is completely ignored here. You set the deadline) “I didn’t take all the things, but only the necessary ones” (That is, they didn’t leave, but you are manipulating leaving quite rudely) , You don’t pick up the phone, although you seem to want to make peace, etc. etc. Every sentence has it.
  With such brain damage it is extremely difficult to live, love and communicate with a man.
  Plus, you apparently quite overestimate a man’s feelings for you. You have been dating for 2 years and, as far as I understand, there is no hint of a wedding. You contain it. He doesn't try to support you.
  As soon as you can reduce brain drain by at least 30 percent, you understand that they are not at all as important for a man as you would like to think, then the solution to the problem will be clear.

Good evening! My situation is quite trivial. I talked with a man with whom I felt mental closeness. He initiated the meeting himself and met me from work. The meeting went wonderfully, there was a lot of innocent flirting on his part, and in the end he expressed his sympathy with words. After the meeting he wrote and was interested in my life. Over time, I began to separate and write less often. Once I showed initiative in communication, to which I received a rather monosyllabic answer. He continued to monitor my social networks and responded to posts, but did not initiate communication. I made a mistake and took the initiative a second time, and when the dialogue began, I intuitively felt that I was losing his interest. After which I was convinced that he started communicating with other girls. I unknowingly took advantage of being ignored because I didn’t want to experience pain in the future. The man is afraid of getting closer; he had a negative experience in a civil marriage, which for some reason he talked about at the meeting. On his own, he is quite insecure and shy. Can I encourage him to take action in this way, or is it better to really cut him out of my life, despite the emotional closeness that I really value?

• Hello, Elena
  On this moment Giving you any specific advice is practically useless in my opinion.
  Your perception of reality is so far from reality that you must first come to a more adequate assessment of it.
  In reality, there is no relationship, no emotional or mental intimacy. (More precisely, only you have the feeling, but not him) You had neither regular meetings nor sex. The man has no particular shyness. He invited you on a first date. He is not afraid of any rapprochement and he has no fear from negative experiences.
  You didn’t use the technique of essentially ignoring either.
  And much more.
  While you have so many fantasies, it is useless to think about any real actions and strategies.
  You most likely have come up with a lot.

Hello! We've been dating a guy for 1 month, everything was fine, the initiative came from him, but at first he spent more time, then in connection with the opening of his own business, he was all busy with work, plus he got a sore throat... well, as is usually the case with men, 37.3 - all Armageddon .. there was a conversation in which I decided to gently say about my “claims”, that a month ago the person promised and did not find the time to go with me to Ikea, assemble a hanger and change the tires on the car - to which the reaction was negative, that I did not understand that I’m generally talking, he’s busy and sick, and he warned me, and he’s been ignoring me for like a week. The dialogue ended on his part - go quickly with your friends and rest, I’ll go to bed, my answer: go crazy, and then the person just doesn’t read, two days later I called - he hung up; 3 days later I wrote a message: how are you feeling - I read silence... I don’t understand anything - is it a drain?

• Hello D
  Your behavior and demands seem a little strange. The man was running after you. Then I got sick, opened a business, etc. I couldn’t call and come so often. Rather, he expected you to come and make him warm tea with a bun and put him to bed so that he would recover faster.
  Or at least you won’t make any claims.

  • Thank you very much for your answer! Yesterday I probably did something stupid, I decided to block him on social networks, but I left my number, he knows where I live, etc., if he wants, he can find it; but now everything is probably ruined? I was incredibly offended by his ignorance. I controlled my emotions for a month, once again I was silent, and then I decided to say it mildly - and apparently I chose the wrong moment, but I’m also a human being..

Hello, I have a strange situation, my boyfriend and I were in an incomprehensible relationship, let’s even call it free, but he always ran to my aid when I asked him, even saved me from my ex, as a result, after the last meeting there was an unpleasant aftertaste for both of us, that he didn’t point it out, but via SMS, he just sent me to hell….., I was shocked, I didn’t become rude, but just wished him all the best….. It’s unpleasant of course, 2 years of communication and this is the result,

• Hello Katya
  To be honest, from your comment it is not very clear how the relationship developed or why there was a conflict.
  It’s just that men don’t usually send things like that. What caused the breakup? Why didn't you respond rudely?

Hello Rashid! Help me with advice, please. A couple of weeks ago, on my own initiative, I began to communicate with a man, as it seemed to me, he had his eye on me for a long time. He actively supported communication, began calling and writing. I asked him out on a date, everything went well. A day after the first date, he wrote and invited me for a second date, but disappeared over the weekend, and later said that he was sick. And in general, communication during the week was sluggish, I said that I didn’t feel interested on his part, to which he apologized, said that he was going through a difficult emotional period, and that he would tell us when we meet. After that, I began to write more often and call every day. We went on a second date, just walked in the park (by the way, he is 33). Everything was going well, and I decided to ask what was causing his complex emotional state. He said that he broke up with his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago, that he was the initiator of the breakup, that everything had been leading up to this since August, that there was a lot of negativity in the relationship with her and he no longer wanted to be with her. The relationship, by the way, lasted since March (8 months). What was difficult for him was that apparently, as I understood, she didn’t want a breakup, that everything happened emotionally with screams and all that. I asked if she was still calling him, to which he replied that she called and wrote, but had not appeared for a couple of days. He said that he wanted to be honest with me, so he told me, and that he had liked me for a LONG time, but was afraid to approach me because I am a private person. Afterwards he took me home. He asked if I would go somewhere else with him? I replied that I didn’t know and asked if he wanted it, to which he replied that he wanted it. Then he said that he was glad to see me and that’s all. After this meeting he wrote to me Good night and asked “maybe we can organize a more fun walk somehow?” I decided not to answer anything, because there was a fear in me that I was being used to forget a past relationship, I decided that if he was interested, he would call again, but to my regret, he has not called or written for 1.5 weeks. Tell me, did I do the right thing and is it possible to somehow correct the situation? I miss him and want to continue communicating.

• Hello Olga
  For the first meetings, in my opinion, you behave a little with attacks, from which he most likely left. (breaks up with previous girlfriend)
  For example, you write that: “You don’t feel interested on his part.” This is a pretty blatant attack. I don’t even know what a man might think (not say) in response. I was bored with you, that's why I'm not interested. It’s better not to communicate with a man like that.
  At the same time, I think that there was more than one such phrase, of course.
  Your questions about his emotional state were most likely completely unnecessary. First dates should be easy, interesting, relaxing, etc. Discussion about how badly he broke up with ex-girlfriend- it's too much. And if the man himself started talking about it, then that would be one thing.
  And so you started asking questions.
  Following. The man asked, “Will you go somewhere with him?” You answered: “I don’t know.”
  And who knows if not you? Quite a strange answer.
  And then you ask the man: “Does he want” (dates)
  Well, if a man asks you about your next date, then of course he wants to. The answer must be yes. Your answer sounds like a demand for more activity from a man. Just like before this too.
  Then the man writes that: “Maybe we can organize a more fun walk”?
  You write that the dates went well. But the man didn't like it. He writes about it directly. He was sad and bored.
  And even to this you remained silent. This is a grave mistake. You couldn’t remain silent when a man asked you out on a date.
  In general, an error is an error and this is only what you wrote and is visible.

  At this moment, you can write something to a man. After all, he asked you out on a date and you ignored him. Maybe ask “How are you?” or something similar.
  Try not to make at least serious mistakes.

Hello, I met a foreigner, we met him abroad in another country. Everything was fine there. I returned to the Russian Federation. The relationship became long distance and we started quarreling. He promised me mate. help if you have problems with money. In general, I was aiming to go to another country to earn money, but he convinced me, he wanted to come for a visit. In the Russian Federation I found no money job at home, or rather, there was a deception with the salary. Much less than expected, and not right away. He was still unhappy about how we would see each other if I got a job. His trips were postponed week after week. I asked him to send money. He got angry afterwards because the girl shouldn’t ask for money. And said goodbye to me forever. I didn't write to him. He himself went for reconciliation, but did not accept it right away. She didn’t ask for money, he sent me the transfer himself. Still didn't come. My birthday was approaching. He said he would send a gift, and asked what I wanted, I said a gold pendant. And to make it clear, I didn’t ask for expensive ones, I sent screenshots that cost 3 thousand and a little more. I asked which one he liked. He said he would buy it, pointing to the most expensive one (11 thousand). I made a request to the store to have it delivered from another city. As a result, it’s a scandal that I’m asking for gold. I’m at a loss, why promise if you don’t want to do it....I was at fault, or maybe not. In general, I don’t know, I just asked for what I was promised. Then they made up after my messages. The time of arrival was approaching, I applied for a visa, and at work they had already found a replacement for me. We had a fight. He called me drunk and said some nonsense, saying that he wanted me to get pregnant, but without getting married. I asked: who will help me? Answered: the state and he. And some other intimacy. his wishes had come before this. The next day I wrote to him what he told me, and the phrase: who am I for you, a prostitute or an incubator? At first he apologized, but then messages came that I had insulted him, that he didn’t say that, that he respects women. A lot of literary nasty things were written. He also wrote that he wasted his money on a visa. I replied that I spent more. I asked how much money I needed? I said that my 6 months cannot be returned, my time is that I could travel and have Good work there. As a result, he blacklisted me. On WhatsApp and Facebook. I left Instagram. On Instagram, I wrote reconciliation messages, not immediately, but periodically and tried to call. We didn’t communicate for 5 weeks, except for my one-way messages. There were missed calls from him today, a week after my last message. Call back. Is it worth answering the question if I write something? I doubt about 50 percent whether this relationship is necessary, because there were good moments, here I described only the bad ones

• Hello Alice.
  You have collected an impressive collection of, if not all, then many mistakes that can be made with a man. It is not surprising that relationships do not develop, but stand still or even towards separation.
  You demand money from a man, and it is not the man who wants to give it to you. This is a mistake of course. He promised to help if you had problems. What are your problems? None. Then you demand gifts from him. This is bad.
  Of course, a man who doesn't give gifts is not great. But as far as I understand, he pays for the visa, plane tickets, and possibly something else.
  The excited man called and said something. The fact that he wants children, he voiced some sexual desires. Of course, there was no point in taking these words seriously.

  You wrote a whole complaint about, in general, Nice words men say that he wants you, wants children, even if he said it in a spirited manner. Quite offensive actually. That you are a prostitute, that you are an incubator. I don’t really understand what you want to hear from a man when he’s moved. That you don’t excite him at all and that he never wants children from you?
  There is no point in even going into detail.
  Every sentence contains your dissatisfaction and demands. You constantly feel like you are either being attacked or insulted.

Hello, please help me figure this out. The situation is not simple. I am married, my man has been married, we have been together for about a year. I was offended by him and decided to ignore him. Didn't answer his calls and texts. On the second day at work he asked what was the matter, I avoided answering. He doesn't call or write. And at work you seem to be trying to talk, he looks at me all the time. Now I don't know how to get out of this situation. I won’t call or write myself.

• Hello Marianna.
  When you are offended, it is still advisable to tell the man why you are doing this. Otherwise, a feeling of inadequacy arises. In his opinion, the man did nothing wrong and you suddenly start ignoring him. He tries to ask, but you still ignore him.
  The second thing that can be said is that since you did this, and now you don’t know how to get everything back, then you poorly understand the balance of power in your relationship with this man and as an option with men in general.
  If you ignored a man and didn’t regret it, that’s one thing. But here you did, and the man doesn’t try hard to get through, apologize, etc., but you didn’t expect it. Most likely, you thought that you could easily endure his silence and lack of calls. But it turned out not very well.
  This again indicates that you have little understanding of who has and what leverage in your relationship.
  How do you write that you won’t call or write yourself. If it works out, then good. If not, then you need to gradually change your relationship and yourself in such a way as to improve your influence and reduce your dependence on a man.

Rashid, hello. Thank you for the useful books and articles. Help me figure it out, please. We were together for a little over three months, spent weekends together due to his busy schedule, and less often at the beginning of the relationship we met again on weekdays. The last time, he also came on the weekend, brought fruit, everything was as always, he hugged me tightly at night, we said goodbye as usual, and he disappeared. I wrote on Wednesday morning, I didn’t respond immediately after I was free after work. Since he was sick, I called on Sunday to find out if everything was okay with his health, he didn’t answer, but later, when I was already asleep, he wrote that he couldn’t talk and asked how I was. I answered as best I could on Monday morning, he appeared with a message on Tuesday, wrote how he was, and found out how I was doing. I answered, he disappeared again. In your books and articles it is written that a man can disappear, he needs time for himself. I respect him, his personal space. But due to the decrease in the frequency of correspondence (from daily to 2 times a week) in the last two weeks, I can’t understand - is this the end of this relationship? Tell me, please, how should I behave?

Hello, I’ve been dating a guy for a year and a half (we’re 18 years old) and recently he’s started ignoring me, rarely calling and may not pick up the phone from me at all, although everything was fine (I often take the initiative to make peace). He started lying. that he doesn’t go for walks, they say he has problems, he doesn’t have time, etc., although he’s just lying and doesn’t want to admit it. Do you think he has someone else and is it worth continuing this relationship?

• Hello Yana.
  About another girl - this, in my opinion, is a premature conclusion.
  However, it is almost certain that the guy has cooled down on you. There may be several reasons for this. It is advisable to identify them and work with them.
  But it’s almost certain that since the guy rarely calls and doesn’t answer your calls, then you need to stop calling yourself.
  Don't try to catch him lying when he says something that he can't meet.
  It is possible that he is simply tired of the amount of communication that you have. Maybe he doesn't need that much.
  Again. Stop calling him unless he asks and is clearly not waiting. Don't invite him to a meeting. Do something useful.

Hello.
I practically confessed to the guy that I was not indifferent to him.
But as I understand, he is not interested in me... We have been working together for seven years.
Now I’m embarrassed for my action, I’m even honest with him
I wrote that I don’t even want to greet him, I don’t want to communicate, that it’s easier for me this way.
I do just that, and he provokes me at work, tries to talk
I ignore him, I want to forget him, to distance myself from him. Am I doing the right thing?

• Hello Anna
  In my opinion, you are doing everything right. The guy most likely does not want to admit that he likes you, otherwise he would somehow more clearly express his desire to talk.
  But it will most likely be difficult for you to “be friends” just like that.
  If you definitely have already fallen out of love and like the other guy, then you can communicate. Say something like: “Yes, I was stupid. I don’t love you now, don’t worry.” (If he asks of course)

Hello! Such situation! I went to study at a driving school and met an instructor, I have a boyfriend and at the beginning of our acquaintance, I didn’t pay any attention to him as a man! And he very actively “kicked up his wedges”... Then at one point he tried to kiss me unobtrusively, but I refused him this, and on the same day it turned out that I talked to another instructor in front of him! He immediately began to cruelly ignore me, pretending that I didn’t exist at all! And after that day, it seemed as if he lost interest in me as a girl! I noticed his quick glances on me, but nothing more! He began to treat me differently, stopped flirting, etc., etc.! And this really hurt me, and I started trying to somehow attract his attention, but he very pointedly did not notice it! After we finished studying with him, we crossed paths several times on the street, talked very nicely, he hugged me, was interested in my life! But then a moment happened when he saw me, with my boyfriend, and again he was cut off from me! We have each other on social networks, the fact that I have a boyfriend was not a surprise to him! It was his birthday and I congratulated him, but he simply ignored it! I didn’t answer anything, I was very offended and incomprehensible! It seems like a grown man, but the behavior of a little narcissistic boy...
And I noticed such a detail behind him! He uses social networks very actively, this is not alien to him... And he evaluates all the girls he has as friends, evaluates photographs, posts, but I am the only one who passes by! This also really hurts me, I can’t understand his behavior, and how should I behave with him? What is this? His demonstrative ignorance, saying that I’m not interested in you! Or is it still indifference?

Good afternoon I’ve been living with a guy for a year now, I’m 29, he’s 28. I was married, I have two children. They began to live together, on his initiative. He spent a long time trying to find me, I didn’t agree to a meeting for a whole month, we met, started going for walks together, to a cafe. We communicated for 3 months without intimacy. After we lived together for 6 months, problems began in the relationship, I began to notice a coldness, I learned about correspondence with others, in these correspondence it was clear that they were seeing each other. And this is not correspondence with one girl, but with different ones. When I tell him about this, he denies everything and turns on aggression. He often leaves and prefers to spend more time with friends than with me. When I ask why, he says that there are a lot of me, that he is tired of my control, that I need to get affection and attention from him, he must want it himself. I stopped asking where he is, where he is, he becomes even more impudent when I make comments, there is only one answer, I won’t keep a report, I don’t owe anyone anything. I ask you to leave, he won’t leave. There were quarrels when he started packing his things and was about to leave, but then he stayed and as if nothing had happened. I am mentally exhausted from these humiliations and insults on his part, he does not leave and does not take steps to meet me. What do i do? How to gain strength and finish everything?

• Hello Alena.
  Judging by your description of the problem, you do not know how to communicate with men.
  So you write that you didn’t agree to meet for a month, and then there was no intimacy for 3 months. This most likely means that the man was of rather low quality for you. Otherwise, such deadlines are completely incomprehensible. After all, if a girl falls in love, then 3 months of courtship is a long time.
  You learned about correspondence. This also requires some explanation. Are you looking through his phone? His aggression is not surprising.
  Judging by the fact that the man says that there are a lot of you and are tired of control and your obvious intrusive manipulations: “Why do you need to beg for affection, attention, he himself should”, you are really intrusive and possibly aggressive.
  Why is it difficult to break up if a man doesn’t love you, insults and humiliates you? (It doesn't look right from his side, trust me). As I understand it, he lives with you. You put things out, change the lock if necessary.

Gentlemen and ladies. If you want to find your person, you don't need to use anything. The “closer-further” method is getting old. And if one person, after such ignoring you, seeks you out more and more, the other will “forget” about you and forget. It depends on the man himself. If he openly told you when we met that, yes, he wants to feel like a “hunter,” then you can try the method. But don't overdo it. Because prolonged neglect can mean one thing for some men. "She's not my person." Believe me. Everyone, absolutely every man (and every person in general) has a limit of patience. And he will gradually begin to “stop” himself. And gradually, taking all his willpower and fortitude into a fist, he himself will stop writing and acting. It will start to get out of the habit. If you want to be liked, you should be honest with him, right? And don't talk about your feelings too early, two. This is the only minimum that is necessary when communicating with any person. Be yourself and find someone you need for life, not for experience.

Hello, we met a man, he approached me, offered to meet him, he always called himself. There were only three dates, without intimacy. Then there were circumstances due to which I could not continue communicating with him, he said that this was not a barrier for him and he was ready , and if I’m ready, I can call him. I never called, apparently there’s something wrong with my head, but I don’t know how to call men, although I really wanted to. Half a year has passed, we meet very often, say hello and that’s it. And here called, offered to meet, I agreed and he didn’t call on the appointed day, then the situation repeated itself. We met recently, I deliberately did not get out of the car, waiting for him to enter the building. I went out and saw him watching me from the window, then runs through the entire building from inside and as if unexpectedly meets me on the stairs at the other end of the building. I don’t stop, I go to the place I need, he follows me, talks, asks when I’ll see you, I say that I don’t know and go into the office I need without even saying goodbye to him? Perhaps I went too far with ignoring?

• Hello Olga.
  It is difficult to understand your behavior if at least you like the man. The man shows open initiative and repeatedly. Then you stop meeting with him on your initiative.
  A very vague formulation of “circumstances due to which I could not continue communication.” If you said that to a man, then I think he was shocked by your strangeness. In any case, you could call each other and exchange messages, even if something unpleasant happened in your personal life or you went to another country.
  Okay, the circumstances are over. You did not notify the man about this, although he asked.
  Why? You don't know how to call a man, it seems.
  But this is not a call to a stranger asking him to offer himself. This is a man who has repeatedly taken the initiative and asked you to call him back.

  He would have called back himself if you had given him an approximate date for the end of the “circumstances.”

  I think that a man, not without reason, thinks that you are fooling him and mocking him.

  Then the man didn’t show up for the date. You meet him all the time, he asks you out again. Why don't you ask him directly why he didn't come on a date?
  After all, this is an absolutely normal question. If it’s unacceptable for you that he didn’t come, then just say that that’s why you won’t meet. Or maybe he also had “circumstances”.
  Instead, there is some kind of running around, dodging, playing hide and seek, etc.

Hello! For the first time I encountered the method of ignoring myself. We have been in a relationship for 2 years, we are in different countries, we meet periodically. At least once a month. Everything was great, plans for the future and so on. He is much older than me, so jealousy has always been present on his part. The correspondence always came very actively from him. I was not jealous and treated him as something very familiar and permanent. But)) everything has changed lately. I didn’t even immediately understand how I got into this addiction. No, he has not disappeared, he writes as before, but does not answer immediately, he can remain silent for several hours. The meeting was also postponed. And it really started to get to me. And two years later, I understand that this person means a lot to me. I began to feel wildly jealous, searching for his activity in in social networks And so on. And only now, after reading your article, I understand that I am crushing him with my behavior. Letting go of the situation, treating it more simply and yes, sometimes ignoring it, is probably the most effective way.

• Natalia, hello.
  Relationship 2 years old. This means that not everything is as great as you write. If a man wanted, then you would have lived together a long time ago and got married, even taking into account the fact that you live in different countries.
  About jealousy. Jealousy on the part of a man is not at all a sign of falling in love.
  A man has long meant much more to you than you do to him. You just didn't notice it.

Hello. I have such a situation, I was married, he was divorced, he began to show all signs of attention from the outside, called, sought a meeting. I could not resist, in the end I separated, I could not deceive more than her husband I ended up falling in love. After the divorce, we started living together, had a child together, everything seems to be fine, but because of fatigue and lack of sleep as a small child, I get tired, sometimes I even fall asleep standing up, the closeness remains, but sometimes because of fatigue I just fall, I appeared on his side dissatisfaction, began to stay away, stopped pestering as before, and once said, if he stops pestering, then I should worry. On the one hand, I understand that if you give a man what he wants, everything is fine, but if you feel bad, you’re tired, this is not included within the framework of understanding, they told me that they weren’t interested in anything, I wanted it. I’ve been pestering him for several days now, he answers, but doesn’t try, what to do, how to behave in this situation?

• Inna, hello. Try to reduce the burden on yourself first. Involve grandparents, even just once a week. Try to hire a nanny, at least a couple of times a week for half a day, even money is not enough. It may not be very expensive. Invite your husband as much as possible to help. Some mothers place too high demands on themselves. Lower them. Use diapers, a breast pump and other devices that make life easier.
  When you have strength, you can rest a little. Then you can talk to your husband. And then usually sex.
  You are trying to have sex when you are very tired. Usually this is difficult. Men also need conversations, etc.

I completely agree!
I have only been in a relationship for three months with a man 20 years older than me. He pursued me for a year and the first time sex happened when I wanted, he respected my wait.
Two months later, for some reason I got into his phone and saw a correspondence with another woman, she was sending him kisses. We quarreled and he was the first to ask to meet to talk. I said that I’m sorry that I only went through the phone, but if he continues the correspondence, then I’m leaving. He doesn’t communicate with her, he doesn’t hide his phone. But I have a different question, tell me how to behave if he stayed late with friends and didn’t call as promised, and at night he sent messages apologizing for not calling back. In general, in your opinion, what kind of pause should one take when offended? ?
Thanks a lot.

Thanks a lot! That's right, by the way!

Hello! I have a difficult situation. I'm married and he's married. When I saw him for the first time, I immediately fell in love. He is my husband's colleague. We saw each other occasionally. And then after the party, he confessed his feelings to me. I was in seventh heaven. But after the confession, I was ignored for a long time. Then we somehow wrote off with him. It’s like we’ll admit our feelings, then they’ll ignore us again. And always from his side. And I can’t live without him. I’m ready to drop everything right now and go to him. What to do? This has already been going on for several years.

• Hello Ksenia. Apparently, the colleague with whom you fell in love has some kind of crush on you, but not a very significant one. Not so much as to leave your family, possibly children, and get yourself into trouble at work.
  Perhaps he was ready for a little romance and sex on the side. Most likely, he even used a confession of feelings for this. But seeing your love and pressure, I got scared. He doesn’t need a girl who is so in love that she is ready to destroy both her and his family.
  He got scared and is now trying to put the brakes on everything. That is, he seems to be talking about his feelings, but essentially only in order not to cause a scandal and conflict on your part.

  • Catherine

    What if the situation is the same as Ksenia’s, but in my case the man is single and I’m married? He sought me out for a long time, and when everything happened and I confessed my feelings to him, he put it on full stop: we were forced to communicate, but he completely transferred the communication to the friend zone. This is painful 🙁 what to do in such a situation? I’m sure he likes me a lot and I honestly didn’t expect such an attitude :)

    • Hello Ekaterina. Very difficult brief description understand everything. I think that everything is a little different from what you imagine.
      You confessed your love to a man. For what? Why didn’t the man confess his love to you, but you only said something in return?
      Has he been trying for a long time? It is possible that you yourself fell in love, flirted a lot and he decided why not have sex. I don't see from the comment that he was seeking a relationship with you. Usually they describe specific actions of a man or at least words that can be interpreted unambiguously. If they are not there, then most likely it was ordinary background flirting and politeness. He didn't confess his love to you first. He didn't propose marriage. Apparently, he did not plan or take any actions to quickly develop the relationship.

      After sex I immediately stopped communicating. It’s almost 100% that he doesn’t particularly like you, not as an object for sex, but for relationships and love.

The other day I had a fight with my boyfriend. I am to blame for the quarrel. He often liked girls with a better appearance and figure than me, and I began to once again throw in submissions and be indignant. (at the same time, he said more than once that he needed me and no one else). After my indignation, further correspondence followed: -***, Alin, please don’t start. - It was possible without the “***” - But why the hell are you starting again? - I didn’t start - That’s all Alin. After that, I realized what a mistake I had made and began to apologize, but he did not read the messages and ignored them as best he could. We haven’t communicated for two days now, I’m very worried. He went to Poland to earn money and it is very difficult to make peace. Help me please. What could his “Everything” mean? How can you make peace from a distance? How to apologize? How can I get him to answer? And how can you be sure that this is just a quarrel and not the end of the relationship?

• Hello Alina. Judging by the description, you have a clear imbalance in your relationship. You really need a guy, but he doesn’t really need you or doesn’t need you at all.
  The complaints themselves are that your boyfriend likes others. beautiful girls seems quite reasonable to me. I don't understand why you need to apologize for them.

  In this situation, your boyfriend understands everything perfectly. You apologized for essentially humiliating yourself in the context of this situation. Despite this, he still sent you away rather rudely.

  Why you decided that if there was a possibility of communication it would be easier is not very clear to me. Would you apologize again and apologize again? But I assure you that he understood everything perfectly well.
  Therefore, the most you can do is stop communicating with him. Don't go to his social media page. Don't wait for his messages. Mind your own business. Rethink your relationship with him.
  And the relationship is such that he most likely does not love you and does not appreciate you, if in fact he reacted like that to an ordinary request.
  Perhaps, of course, you have the standard behavior of “blowing the minds” of men and this is just the last straw. But this is just a guess.

What if I quarreled with the martyr, it’s my fault and his, it doesn’t matter. And so, I still dared and added him as a friend on VK after 3 months. What should I do? Should I write first or wait until he writes himself (he has already added me as a friend, but for some reason he doesn’t write

• In my opinion, you have already taken a step by adding him as a friend. If I wanted to, I would have written it.

  Well, in principle, 3 months is enough time to forget about any quarrel. Well, or about almost any one. If he had the desire, even the slightest, he would have done the minimum. For example, I would add you as a friend or ask how you are doing.

What to do if the guy himself asks to write to him and call him. And he says, take the initiative, it’s nice, etc. How should I answer him?

• Asya, you didn’t write how often at the moment you call him and he calls you. Of course, call within reasonable limits, trying not to go beyond about 40%. Moreover, your boyfriend asks you to call.

Thank you for your comment and clarification. The young man doesn’t love me, but I remain faithful to him for something (he asks me), but I’m still stupid, I gave birth to his child, I love him madly, I don’t know how to control myself. He absolutely not the person I wanted to see, but... what should I say?

Hello, I have been in a relationship with a man for 4 years now. We are not married, I gave birth to a son from him. He loves his son, comes regularly, helps financially, supports us. I love him, but I’m not sure about him, what feelings he has for me. He says he loves him, but then why doesn’t he marry? He has no other wife or children. Maybe I'm not the woman he thinks? So why does he come, I already told him about the topic, let’s just be friends and he will come only to his son. I can't understand him at all! We have sex regularly. But on the side, as I suspect, he has sex. I used to go through his phone and find a lot of SMS messages and I was always very deeply worried, crying, tearing out my hair. Now I don’t want to worry so much. Now, when he comes and calls, I pretend that everything is fine. Is it correct? Everyone advises not to pay attention to the fact that all men are partying, the main thing is that he contains and “kind of” loves. But I just want female happiness - to be loved.

Hello! Please give me some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Until we were 2 years old, our relationship was a little different: he constantly wrote to me, called me, and was interested. And now, everything has changed, he may not write and call, for example, only in the evening, since he was busy with something all day. I start telling him that he has begun to care less about me, and he replies that these are all my far-fetched thoughts and that nothing has changed for him. Moreover, when we are together, everything is fine with us, he is gentle and caring, but as soon as we part with him, situations like this immediately happen.

• Natalya, guys are all like that. Even the most gentle and caring people cannot constantly sit on the phone like girls and worry about bullshit.
  The man should do the work, and then the girls)). Another thing is that things need to be looked at in relation to you. Decide whether you need a talking shop or his real care and tenderness? If it’s a “talking shop,” find a blue or green guy and chat with him. If you need a normal guy with a normal orientation, who earns money and takes care of you, then it’s not clear what kind of guy...you get mad and bother? Kirranov has half a site of articles and 5 books on the topic that a man should be given freedom and at least sometimes be alone.
  Do something yourself and you won't have time to sit near your phone and look at it.

  Consultant Eleonora Kuksova

  Natalya, unfortunately, men are designed in such a way that over time they relax and stop, as they themselves think, “toiling around with nonsense.” And we girls are naturally very pleased to once again receive a message or call from him.
  But this does not mean that the guy began to love you less, not at all! If, when you are together, everything is fine with you, do not pay attention to the fact that he rarely writes and calls. Raise your self-esteem and work on your relationships - and everything will be fine!

Hello. I’ve been reading your site for a long time, I really like it, I recommend it to my friends. Thank you very much for the necessary and useful advice.

Catherine

Hello! Please give me advice on how to make peace with a young man. I went for a walk with my sister in the dark without his permission, I went specifically because there wasn’t enough attention on his part (I didn’t write, I didn’t call for more than a week, I called him myself, I said that I was very busy, he didn’t have time), after that he he was very offended, he said that I should have informed him, I made a lot of mistakes in trying to reconcile, I apologized, explained the situation in SMS, sent a lot of SMS with apologies, tried to meet, after which they told me not to do that otherwise we break up, and in general, after a major quarrel (when he himself is wrong), he usually waits a week, or even more, and then makes up. I waited 4 days, during which I didn’t make myself known in any way, then I sent an SMS: I was wrong. I’m sorry, the answer was: life will tell, tell me whether I should wait a little longer, and then try again to make peace or is it better to wait for action on his part ? It’s his birthday soon, so I tried to make peace after 4 days, thank you)

• Consultant Eleonora Kuksova

  Ekaterina, what’s your birthday? Do you want to give yourself a gift for his birthday, or him? 🙂 If you’ve already tried so many times, but the guy doesn’t like it, try differently: don’t put up first! Moreover, if he usually reconciles himself after a week, then wait, especially since everything has already been explained and apologized many times. If he misses you, he will find you.

Catherine

Hello! I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 months. From the very beginning I made a lot of mistakes. Sex was too fast and she often took the initiative herself. But I know that his relationship with me is a little different than with previous girls - I know his parents, they love me very much and have already accepted me. The problem is that he doesn't take the initiative. He works and cannot even call me for a walk for half an hour. And it's been like this for 2 weeks. I don’t call myself, I wait until the man “ripes”, so to speak. Tell me, if he calls me, should I refuse? It’s just that I flew to all previous meetings, maybe that’s the problem. Thank you!!!

• Consultant Eleonora Kuksova

  Ekaterina, as a rule, at the beginning of a relationship, even the most uninitiative guys (if there are any) insist on frequent meetings. The fact that the guy is silent for two weeks is quite strange.
  It's good that you realized your mistake. I don’t think you should immediately refuse the meeting, otherwise the guy may misunderstand the reason for such a drastic change in behavior. It's better to agree to a date, but let it be on neutral territory. At the same time, see what the attitude towards you will be.

Everyone good day! I read a lot of advice on the Internet and was completely confused. She seems to be smart and mature already, but she’s a little unruly, HELP! about a month and a half ago I met a man on the site, everything was as usual, correspondence, then an invitation for coffee, then we talked on the phone a couple of times, he didn’t show much initiative, but he answered mine right away. Then some time passed, two weeks, I didn’t write, neither did he, suddenly he called and came right away, we went to a cafe, talked, everything was fine, then he started calling every day, we agreed to meet, he didn’t come and didn’t warn, again calls, we communicate, the second time - the same thing, we agreed to meet - and silence, then I call and express everything I think about it. He says, sorry, so busy, so busy, in general, I said goodbye not very politely and now there is complete silence on the air, he doesn’t even show up on the website. Should I completely ignore it now?

Good afternoon
We suspended communication with the man on his initiative. I became suspicious of his reluctance to meet with me after we did not meet on weekends for two weeks in a row (as we had before), although correspondence was maintained as usual. To my question about whether we would still spend time together, he replied that it was difficult for him to answer this question, he needed to think, we’ll talk this week. We didn't talk this week. In general, after these words he has been thinking for almost a month. I don’t touch him, I don’t invite him to talk, I don’t show any initiative. But I don’t know how long in such cases you can wait until a man decides to make contact. And is it necessary to wait?
We have known each other for more than two years (we were friends), and have been in a relationship for several months.
He can be called an introvert. Unhurried. Knowing him from certain sides, I allow the protracted silence to continue for now, but I understand that from the outside it looks like “forget about him already!” I would like to know the opinion of a specialist on this matter. Should I wait for better weather from the sea or is it really time to come to terms with the fact that I was abandoned?

Hello Eleanor. Please tell me if I did the right thing. We dated a young man for about a year, we are the same age (19 years old). I’m so used to that I hardly show any initiative in relationships, if I call, it’s rarely, I don’t consider it necessary to invite people to meetings at all, only if something is urgent (for example, some concert that I really wanted to go to). For the first three months, I thought that everything was great with us, he was very active, caring, did a lot for me, but then he slowly began to hint that I should call him myself at least sometimes. I listened, but I rarely did so. Then I forgot. He again said that he missed my calls, I gradually began to do this rarely, we need to listen to each other, he also gave in to me. But it all got to the point where, due to my lack of attention to him (as I understood it), he began to do things for me less and less, to remain silent, the relationship became tense, because of his passivity we broke up, but then he called and said, that he’s wrong, but I’m also wrong, and both should participate in the relationship. All was good. But here we go again. for him it is not enough that there is. We agreed to meet on Monday and, if no one is at home, then at my place. I said that I would find out everything and tell you. On Monday I was waiting for him to ask: “Should I come?” or “Shall we go for a walk?” But nothing, he talked coldly on the phone, didn’t ask questions, only answered mine, saying that he had nothing to talk to me about now. His indifference and lack of invitation to go for a walk infuriated me, I told him bye twice on the phone and hung up that he didn’t really like it (I hang up). He told me that I myself said that I would find out and tell you, but I think that if he was interested, he would invite him and ask. This is not the first time he has forcibly pushed me to take the initiative. In general, after the interruption of the phone call, the 5th day was silent, I thought myself, and consulted with my parents, that you shouldn’t call him, the guy should be responsible and not disappear like that. Thanks for the advice in advance.

I’ve been reading articles, and I understand that it’s right to ignore this, but I don’t understand how to apply this to my situation. My husband is often rude to me, treats me disrespectfully, every morning I set breakfast on the table for him, but he can get up from the table and not even clear the bread, although I have repeatedly asked him to help me clear the table, i.e. he behaves rudely. me - like in a restaurant, and I’m like a waiter. And what should I ignore in such a situation? Don't cook breakfast?

• Irina, it's necessary. And not only don’t cook. You need to respect yourself. The site is full of articles on the topic of self-esteem. On the topic of how to make a man respect you. Also an excellent course by R. Kirranov “How to keep a man from cheating” - there is a chapter on how to put a man in his place.

Well, that's about me! ... my friend and I are 44 years old, we have been in a relationship for more than 5 years ... we don’t live together, but we spend a lot of time (5-6 days a week) usually on my territory. Of course, we quarrel and argue sometimes (usually on my initiative)... it happened that I kicked him out and took the keys, sometimes I left myself.. lately he often disappears for 1-2 weeks after a quarrel, and then he calls as if nothing happened. it happened (no apologies, no attempts to ask for forgiveness), he appears under some meaningful pretext and the relationship is resumed... no matter how much I tried to understand this situation, he always blames me for all the problems... and his behavior, like, justifies the fact that he always makes contacts himself... in all this time I have never been the first to call after a quarrel... and this is how to understand this? It seems like he shows up, which means he values ​​the relationship, but doesn’t draw any conclusions... to my question: “why are you coming back, after all, I kicked you out,” he answers: “why are you letting me back in”? ...tired of all this already...

• Consultant Eleonora Kuksova

  Irina, that’s why your dear friend comes back - he knows that you will accept and forgive.
  But the trouble is that each time your feelings weaken, you will have more worries after a quarrel. But on the contrary, he has less (why worry and try to fix something - they’ll take him back anyway). In order not to completely “put” a man “on your head”, it is better to spoil him longer, he will only appreciate him more. What comes easily is not valued by anyone, including men.

Thanks for the article, Eleanor! I think that a little ignoring of men’s “wants” is very healthy feminine attitude to these very “wants”. Firstly, men often “greyhound”... Even the best and most beloved man sometimes tries to manipulate his woman. Apparently they are like that in their essence. Secondly, ignoring is real important factor instilling self-respect on the part of your man. And this is an excellent method of punishment for an offense... After all, swearing is aggression, which is not suitable for a “gentle lady,” so we indicate a problem or an offense - and “ignore” the man. This same ignoring helps my man understand that I am upset, gives me time to calm down and what is called “exhale”... In general, Rashid Kirranov’s method has been helping me for a couple of years)

• Consultant Eleonora Kuksova

  Lara, thank you for your response! Indeed, Rashid Kirranov’s advice really works! When I started using them with men, everything often changed - as if by magic!
  I am also of the opinion that “ignoring” within reasonable limits is an important method of education, but not when a girl is silent for no reason.

  • Valentina

    Consultant Eleonora Kuksova, Hello! Thank you and Rashid for the advice)) My name is Valentina. I recently started dating a guy. and I have the following situation: he went hunting for several days and asked me to call after his arrival. I told him that I don’t like to call first, but he didn’t like it a little. Do you think I should call myself? Best regards, Valentina.

    • Consultant Eleonora Kuksova

      Valentina, why did you decide that he didn’t like it? He will call himself, he won’t go anywhere. If a guy needs you, he will cut off your phone number.
      Well, call first - he, of course, will be happy. But next time he will just wait for the call. And the initiative in relationships should belong to the young man.

      • Valentina

        Eleanor, hello! Thank you very much for answering)))) All the best to you!

Eleanor, you wrote a wonderful article. Thank you very much. In reality, this is what happens. What was surprising in the article was that Maxim said: “You forgave me so quickly. Now, if you made me a little darker, I would start to respect and love you more!” It’s worth ignoring a man within reasonable limits, but if possible, you don’t need to do it on purpose. A girl should be busy, if possible, she should have her own interests and affairs. And of course she must love and respect herself. If all this happens, then she will not allow herself to be treated with disrespect.

• Consultant Eleonora Kuksova

  Diana, thank you for your response! Oddly enough, the situation I described in the article is real.
  You think absolutely correctly, I completely agree with you!

Not every person with whom you have to communicate makes you want to maintain this communication with him. And it also happens that any contact with someone we know only brings us pain, disappointment and resentment. Well, some “girlfriend” likes to get on our nerves, and that’s it! And when her nerves can’t stand it, you ask her to remember her conscience - she gets offended, starts being rude at every opportunity, and even spreads gossip about what happened and what didn’t happen!

The hardest thing is to get rid of the annoying advances of a man when he is unpleasant to you, but with his persistence he tries again and again to melt the ice of your hostility. How to ignore a guy in this case? How can you convince a man with your behavior that all his attempts are futile? How can you learn to ignore a guy you like, but he behaves too dismissively with you?

Various situations arise when a person becomes extremely unpleasant to us. We get offended, worry, and receive a new portion of negativity at every meeting. Often we try to somehow influence such a friend of ours, to sort out our relationship with her. But there is nothing more effective in such a situation than to ignore the person with whom communication brings us so many unpleasant emotions.

We haven’t discovered any America now, have we? But think for yourself: how many of us know how to react to insults, gossip and insults correctly? After all, what do most of us do? Everyone has their own own way; but not every one of them allows you to avoid suffering, and some only poison the soul even more. Some people don’t pay attention to the offender and move on with their lives as if nothing had happened, but there are very few of them.

And someone is crying in the corner, experiencing every unfair word addressed to them. Someone withdraws into themselves, becomes very closed and non-contact, someone constantly feels irritated and transfers this irritation to others who are not to blame for anything. These are the most common reactions, and the list could be continued. But all this is wrong behavior. What is the right way, you ask? This is what we would like to teach you!

How to behave correctly?

The most correct thing is to show the unpleasant person that you do not want to communicate with him anymore. That is, just stop noticing all his antics, and himself. And here's how to do it:

• Ignoring someone is a big decision, so think about your move and try to understand whether you really want to end your relationship with the offender forever. Don't resort to ignoring someone for a day or a week just to get attention and guilt from the person who offended you.
• Before ending a relationship, try to understand the motives behind this person's behavior, to see not only what he did, but also why he could do it. Did you do something that might have triggered this behavior? What if you yourself somehow offended your friend, and she is just trying to defend herself?
• Try asking about the reason for this attitude towards you (if you find it possible, of course). Maybe everything is not as bad as you think, and you can resolve the situation peacefully. In any case, you should talk first, try to discuss your problems, and not just throw the person out of your life without any warning.
• Be direct. If you fail to improve your relationship, firmly tell your friend that you no longer want to know her. There is no need to get angry, just say your decision while remaining polite. Some people do not immediately understand that such a decision can be deliberate and final, and continue to try to communicate. Be consistent - stop taking calls from them and don't read their messages. Resist attempts to provoke you into responding. Do not argue during meetings if they cannot be avoided (if this is your employee, then do not change jobs because of an intriguer!). If the pestering is very persistent, firmly and clearly say that you want to be left alone - now and forever!
• You must understand what the consequences will be. This bore will be angry, because getting a rebuff for your intrigues is not so pleasant. Prepare to withstand the siege. Tell mutual friends and acquaintances that you are going to ignore the offender. If they ask you questions, answer them. Do not try to convince them to take your side; let them form their own opinion about the current situation. Just let them know about the essence of the problem and your position.
• Refrain from any type of contact with the person you are ignoring. If it's a man, it will be much easier to ignore him. But if this is a woman, then it will be more complicated! At first she will be angry with you, and then she will intensively look for an opportunity to show how bad you are, since you decided to make an empty place out of her. If you do not pay attention to all her attempts, she will begin to seek sympathy from other people. And the fact that she will talk about you now may even be much more painful and offensive than what caused all the fuss to flare up. What can be done about this? If you have the courage, continue to ignore her. You have already discussed your position with people whose opinion is important to you, and their sympathies will quickly turn towards you if you behave with dignity - unlike that scandalous person who throws mud at you. And if she crosses all boundaries, threaten to hold her accountable for slander and insults. Sometimes it works!
• When meeting, do not be tormented by awkwardness, not knowing whether, for the sake of etiquette, you need to greet an unpleasant person. Of course, you shouldn’t demonstratively turn away, but you don’t have to say hello either. And if he turns to you, or you need to tell him something (for example, if it is necessary for work), then keep communication to a minimum as possible. And if you bump into him somewhere on the street or in a store, then you can even pretend that you simply didn’t notice him. You shouldn’t change your walking pace or cross to the other side of the street - it’s stupid, you’ll agree. And it will look like you are afraid of him (or her). Just look through the person, as if you look at people you don’t know. You didn’t see it, and that’s it! And if he wants to tell you something, pretending that nothing happened, say that you are in a hurry and cannot linger.
• Remember to limit access to yourself and your personal data on social networks. Adjust your privacy settings and lock your pages so that only close friends and family can see your information and photos.

After you have done all this, you will be able to protect yourself from communicating with a person whom you no longer want to see in your circle of friends. Celebrate freedom and enjoy peace of mind!

How to Ignore a Guy Who Treats You Dismissively

There are also situations when a person does not dislike you, and yet it is quite difficult to communicate with him. For example, this situation: you really like a guy, but his behavior is sometimes quite offensive to you. He seems to say that he has warm feelings for you, but nevertheless he pays too little attention to you, and sometimes he is generally quite dismissive. How to properly ignore a man in such a situation in order to make sure of the sincerity of his feelings towards you?

1. Don't stay around him when he starts acting this way. You don't deserve to be treated like this! True, you should not distance yourself from him demonstratively: this way you will only provoke the man into conflict. You just need to calmly tell him that you don't want to spend all your time free time waiting for him to choose a few hours to communicate with you, or that you don't like the way he talks or behaves with you and therefore you want to be without him today. (just don’t lose sight of the fact that sometimes a man is forced to behave rudely or dismissively with a girl simply by the desire to attract her attention).
2. In turn, ignore it for two or more days. Don't call him first, don't send SMS messages, don't catch his eye. If he really loves you, he will definitely worry and try to find out where you went and whether everything is okay with you.
3. When he wants to find out what happened, talk to him calmly, without tears or reproaches. Nothing can push a man away more than female hysterics. Also, don't start sorting things out as soon as he approaches you. If this happened in a fairly crowded place or when you are quite busy (for example, at work or during a break between couples at the institute), then do not give in to temptation and do not start a conversation. Best time and the place for such a conversation is when you are alone and in no hurry.
4. Ask your friends for help. Tell them that you want to stop communicating with your boyfriend for a while. They will help with advice and try to protect you from situations where you may accidentally meet a man whom you are trying to ignore. Only you should trust exactly those friends of yours in whom you are confident, because you want to get support from them, and not spread gossip about you, right?

Be patient, do not rush the man, provoking him into scandals and showdowns. It is much more effective to let him really feel that you are very unhappy with his behavior. But first, try to convey to him how you feel when he behaves inappropriately towards you. Imagine: guys never have any idea how girls feel when they are neglected!

How to Ignore a Guy If You're in Love with Him

Have you fallen in love with a man, but are you afraid that your feelings are unlikely to find a response in his heart? Well, get him out of your head! Believe me, there are guys who are much more better than that whichever you like now. And among them there is probably one who is now secretly sighing, looking at you. Therefore, you can start to ignore this particular man in order to free your heart for true love. Moreover, the situation may turn out to be such that you need to cool your feelings for a guy who is either your friend, or you are simply clearly acquainted.

If he is one of your friends

• Don't blame yourself for falling in love with your boyfriend or boyfriend. This can happen to anyone. Just start taking the first steps towards moving away from him a little.
• Do not respond to his requests the second he calls you or texts you. For example, you can send a response message only after two to three hours.
• Never turn to him first, and if he asks you about something, then answer him in monosyllables.
• If he asks you for something, tell him that you are busy. Do not allow yourself to communicate with him for a long time. This will only worsen the current situation.
• And best of all, make new friends, preferably of the opposite sex.

If you just know each other

• Try not to go anywhere where you might meet a guy you decide to ignore.
• Don't smile at him. A smile can reveal your feelings.
• Don't ask your friends and acquaintances about him.
• Try not to think about the guy at all, since you have decided to ignore him.

What if they ignore you?

Anything happens in life. It may happen that you yourself are guilty of something. What can I say - each of us was in such a situation when someone sulked at us and pretended that we didn’t exist in the world. Brrr, I don’t want to remember! And if this does happen again, what attitude should you choose towards the person who is ignoring you in order to somehow influence his desire not to have anything to do with you?

It all depends on whether you want to correct the situation yourself. If you don't value your relationship with the one who cheated on you, you can do the same and stop noticing him. And if you feel guilty and want to make peace, then it is worth resolving your dispute so as not to aggravate the confrontation. Remember that it is not always wise to continue to hold your ground and insist on your position!

One of best options behavior, if you want to avoid hostility, direct and open dialogue will become. If a person is too offended and still keeps his distance, start small - say “Hello!” when you meet, smile. But don’t try to forcefully cross the boundary he has set yet. Show everyone by your behavior that you regret your breakup. You'll see, he will thaw.

Whatever side of the crack that has arisen between you you may be on, remember - by ignoring someone, very often you thereby harm yourself. It's always better to try and find a common language!

Are you going to ignore the guy you like in order to get more attention from him? Or do you want to ignore him because you know things won't work out with him (even if you still like him)? Fortunately, sticking to simple tips and by keeping yourself in control, you can easily ignore the guy you like in order to hook him even more or break up with him forever.

Steps

Ignore a guy to get his attention

Wait a while before responding to his messages. When you receive a message from a guy you like, it's very difficult to keep a cool head. Of course, you want to answer it right away. Take your time! If you make a guy wait a little, you're more likely to get his attention.

• Wait about an hour (if it's a direct and specific question) or even a few hours (if it's just a "hello") before answering.
• It might be better to set a timer or reminder for yourself.

1. Don't start a conversation. When you think about a guy, everything in the world will remind you of him. You might want to write to him, send him some song or suggest some interesting activity. Instead, just wait until he wants to contact you.

   • You can write down in a notebook what you want to tell him.
   • This way, when the guy starts a conversation with you, you will already have several good phrases prepared.

2. Flirt with other guys. If you're at a party with a guy you like, be a little flirty with the other guys. Let the guy you like see you dancing with another guy or putting your hand on his shoulder. Let him see you laughing and having fun. This will definitely make him want you even more!

   • At a party, go up to a friend and say something funny.
   • Find some reason to stand next to the other guy, talk to him, or touch him.

3. Show your guy that you are a busy girl. You will become even more attractive to him if the guy realizes that he is not taking up all your free time. Find interesting ways spend time. For example, you can meet with friends, join a club with similar interests, or plan your own affairs. Make your guy work around your personal schedule if he wants to spend time with you.

   • If he calls you and invites you somewhere on Friday night, say: “I would love to, but I already have plans for Friday. Maybe we can meet on Saturday?

4. Give him plenty of personal space. If a guy would rather play basketball with his friends than go to the movies with you, don't insist. Drop the idea and plan to do something with your friends. When a guy notices that he doesn’t have much space in your life, he’ll definitely be interested in you.

   • If he's planning on seeing someone else and you're upset about it, choose someone you trust to talk it over with.
   • However, it is worth making sure that the guy is still attracted to you and he is not going to leave you. If you initially had plans with him, but then he easily changes them (and this is not the first time this has happened), it may be time to forget about him for good.

   Ignoring in other ways

   1. Wait a few days before responding to his question or invitation. If you want to ignore a guy with more subtle hints, a great option is to wait a few days before agreeing to spend time with him. If a guy wants to meet outside of school, you can answer that you would love to meet him, but you don’t yet know when you will have time.

      • When a guy invites you to spend time together, tell him that you can definitely answer a little later.
      • Wait 1-3 days before agreeing.

   2. Make your guy work around your schedule. If the guy you like wants to spend time with you, agree when it's convenient for you. Don't change your plans to accommodate him. This is a great way to make yourself unavailable and ignore a guy with subtle hints.

      • For your plan to work, you need to always be busy.
      • Fill your time with something interesting, such as getting a manicure, meeting friends, or going to a bookstore to find something new to read.

   3. Make him jealous. Another effective method to attract a guy's attention - to pay attention to someone else. Making a guy a little jealous will remind him of how valuable you are to him, and he'll give you the attention you deserve.

      • You can make a guy jealous by texting someone else.
      • Another way is to show the guy how you communicate and have fun in the company of other guys.
      • But don't go too far. You just want to make the guy a little jealous, not lose him.

   4. You can slightly hint to the guy that you doubt whether to continue your relationship. If you're already dating this guy, but he's not treating you the way you'd like, it might be worth letting him know that you're thinking about breaking up with him. If you are truly important to this guy, he will pay attention to you and get you to stay with him.

      • Tell your boyfriend about your plans for the summer (as if you are planning to spend the summer without him).
      • Perhaps you have plans to go to camp or on a family trip.
      • When the conversation turns to the future (for example, what will happen when you graduate from high school or college), you can say something like: “Well, it’s too early to talk about what will happen to us.”

   Ignore a guy to break up with him

   1. Let the guy understand that everything is over between you. If you have decided that you want to end this relationship for good, communicate it. Talk to him in person (not on the phone) and be very clear. Don't make him think that you just want a break or that he needs to wait for you to come back.

      • You can say: “Our relationship is not developing. I don't want to continue them anymore."
      • You can say: “This relationship has already run its course. I want to try something new."

   2. Remove his number from your contacts. If you're trying to get over a guy (even if you still have feelings for him), just ignore him. Start by deleting his number from your phone. If you can't just call him or text him, you'll be less likely to reach him in any way.

Photo: Wavebreak Media Ltd/Rusmediabank.ru

Ignoring is one of the most powerful types of emotional abuse. It has a detrimental effect not only on the one who is subjected to this type of psychological execution, but also on the one who carries it out. I'll try to prove this.

Ignoring or is a fairly old technique of manipulation or suppression. But in the modern information space and post-industrial society it acquires new features.

– (colloquial, from English ignore – ignore) – refusal of a chat or forum visitor to communicate with another visitor. Usually they “ignore” rude people and simply annoying interlocutors. The “send to ignore” function is available in almost all chats and forums. This function is also available on the phone. If you want to protect yourself from unwanted incoming calls, use the “Ignore” service. It allows you to block calls from specific and hidden numbers.

In short, no one will be surprised by being ignored today. You can easily get rid of any annoying interlocutor, advertiser, PR man and salesman by ignoring. It's pretty useful thing, saving our time, money and nerves.

But now I want to talk about something else. About ignoring as a method of psychological manipulation, which is used by destructive people in order to humiliate another person, take revenge, subjugate him, destroy him as a rival or competitor. And sometimes it is used by men and women as bait and a way to tie a person of the opposite sex to themselves. In this case, we are dealing with one of the most powerful types of emotional abuse. And it acts very purposefully and painfully. It is especially painful when it comes to close people, relatives, loved ones, friends, that is, those whose indifference is perceived as a severe insult, insult, blow, humiliation, betrayal, if you like.

Why is being ignored so painful?

It hurts us when we are ignored, because subconsciously every person is aimed at
belonging,
recognition and
empathy.

That is, he would like, firstly, to become part of a pack, team, community, group, family, etc. When he is ignored, he is pushed out of the group. He feels rejected, useless, and lonely. He is cold, he needs to cuddle up to someone to warm his soul.

Secondly, each of us needs recognition of our human worth. This is one of the basic human needs. Everyone needs to know and understand that they are valued, loved, respected, their opinions are taken into account, and they count on their participation and help. That is, they consider it theirs, necessary, necessary and valuable.

Third, we all count on being understood. They feel our mood, state, position, take into account our past, forgive mistakes, understanding their reasons, excuse them, treat our weaknesses, antics and shortcomings with loyalty, that is, they try to take our place and treat us with sympathy and friendliness. When we feel the empathy of the people around us, we feel calmer, and we feel happy and needed, in our place, even if we are not perfect.

All these conditions are necessary for us as a social being. And if we don’t receive something, that is, if we are ignored, especially if they do it on purpose and demonstratively, then we begin to experience severe discomfort from the lack of value identification of our own personality.

What happens to a person who is ignored?

He feverishly begins to look for the reason for such behavior towards himself. “Maybe I’m too bad that I’m not even worthy of their attention? - he thinks. “Am I really so disgusting that it’s impossible to even talk to me?”

In general, there are several options for responding to being ignored:
The ignored person painfully goes over his shortcomings, reproaches himself, blames himself for everything and tears out his hair in despair. This is at best if he is a thinking, intelligent and complex person. But there is another reaction.

He can simply get angry, get angry in response, start playing back, freak out, drink, cut his wrists, jump from the roof and in every possible way attract attention to himself in order to piss off the person ignoring him and force him to look in his direction and at least react somehow .

An outcast can withdraw into himself seriously and for a long time, hiding there from the whole world. This is a very dangerous way to escape from emotional abuse, since in this quiet swamp sometimes terrible tornadoes are born, which suddenly wake up and sweep away everything in their path. This is how crimes, suicides and brilliant novels are born (I'm kidding). But still, there is some truth in this, since there is one more, in my opinion, the most The best way a way out of the terrible impasse of being ignored.

An outcast sublimates into knowledge of himself and the world, into the discovery of something supernatural, into creativity, into philosophical and scientific searches, into crazy creative insights, into the development of his own inner cosmos, into new love, relationships, business, etc. It’s as if he’s saying to himself, “Are you ignoring me? What a joy I didn't have to dust off my clothes. The dirt fell off on its own, and now I am clean and free to comprehend the meaning of my own existence!”

Boomerangs always come back

Depending on how the ignored person behaves, his tormentor will either receive many psychological bonuses for his petty soul, which is fueled by the humiliation of other people. Or he will remain on his own and feel how the game he has carefully built begins to work against him. Boomerangs always come back.

Sometimes they come back in the form of hatred and curses and revenge. Sometimes the one who ignores receives a blow back from an unexpected direction, and not from the one whom he offended with his demonstrative indifference, but precisely from the one on whose attention and love he himself was counting. This happens according to incomprehensible to him, but very logical and explainable laws of karma. Pride is always cured by humiliation.

Sometimes, for example, having driven his enemy to suicide and tragedy, the ignorer suddenly begins to experience a feeling of guilt, and it follows him for the rest of his life.

But the most terrible blow for people who play the game of emotional abuse and ignore it for the sake of their own whims and ambitions is the successful advancement, happiness and joy of the one against whom they directed their terrible weapon. They ignore him, but it’s like water off a duck’s back. He invents a generator Have a good mood and he didn’t care that some Vasya Pupkin was ignoring him. He has his own goals and his own values. And they are not just about winning the attention of Vasya or anyone else. He still has to launch the hadron collider; he has no time to delve into your manipulations and psychological games with you.

What are the goals of the ignorer?

In essence, ignoring is common. But by and large, this is a signal that the person who started it is infected with pride and selfishness. “They don’t talk, they don’t communicate. Why? I don’t know, it’s some kind of old story,” sometimes you hear about the long-term silence of close relatives or former friends. They have already forgotten how it started, but out of habit they all ignore each other. Although they can monitor successes and failures and be well informed in each other’s lives. All this is a manipulative game for those who do not know how to communicate and are not able to understand another person. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to do this because he sees in this person a danger for his own exposure. After all, sometimes people ignore someone who tells them the truth about themselves, that is, who is able to see their shortcomings, tricks, and show them and those around them their true face. To prevent this smart guy from doing this, he needs to be ignored as soon as possible. Shut his mouth and put him behind bars so that he doesn’t rock the boat.

Only those who ignore do not take into account that by doing this they are not only punishing someone who may have offended or offended them in some way, for whom, in connection with this, they feel envy or dislike. But they also expose their own weaknesses, demonstrating to everyone their quarrelsome nature and their inhumanity, their powerlessness to come to an agreement, their inability to understand and forgive.

But there are cases when ignoring is salvation when it comes to hysterical, paranoid, manipulative manifestations. In such cases, indeed, ignoring is sometimes the only way to level out a conflict or tragedy. But even in this case, ignoring should be temporary, because a person who behaves inappropriately, hysterically and manipulatively is also a person and needs help. Psychological, medical and simply human. If you yourself are not a manipulator or a complete egoist, then you will not be able to withstand complete ignorance of another person for long. You are not some kind of freak, you can put yourself in his place and imagine how he feels when you perceive him as a lamppost. Don't be cruel, even if you really don't like the person. You may not be friends with him, not communicate, but do not ignore him. Who knows, maybe he is just the well from which you will someday have to drink water. Life is unpredictable…

People are emotional by nature. Nature has endowed a woman with bright colors of feelings, and a man with muted colors. Everyone is capable of feeling, but they know how to express their feelings in different ways. It is common for a man to go into his cave, close himself there from prying eyes and think. There can be many reasons for this: from troubles at work to conflicts at home. A woman doesn’t need a cave, she needs communication, a scandal, if you like.

If a man feels bad, then he should be left alone, if a woman feels bad, she should never be left alone. This results in silence and a man ignoring a woman, and she, in turn, demands conversation. And she perceives silence solely as indifference and a decrease in sympathy for her on the part of her partner.

All this is true only if the man likes the woman. Otherwise, ignoring it should be considered honesty and integrity. A real man not an animal that takes everything that is given into its “paws”. Contrary to popular belief that men are polygamous creatures, there are exceptions who are capable of being devoted and loving one woman. Usually such men are well-mannered, polite and responsive. They know how to love, and that’s why they respect a woman. They love their one and only, but they know when to give a hand to another, throw a jacket over their shoulders and say a compliment. In this case, you misinterpreted his habits and standard signs of attention, and ignoring him is justified.

He probably saw the interest on your part, and decided to completely disown you, so as not to give you false hope.

Doesn't he like you? Step aside, don't waste yourself.

So, if your man begins to ignore, then, firstly, you should not panic, and secondly, you should understand the reasons for what happened.

Possible reasons:

1) Not confident in myself.

Perhaps the man is too timid, has low self-esteem and simply does not believe in his victory, i.e. into reciprocal feelings. If you think that you live with a man, and have already told him a hundred times about your reciprocal feelings, this will strengthen his self-esteem, then this approach is not justified. A man may be married to you, but be timid, not to mention the relationship that is just beginning to develop. It is common for a woman to blurt out unpleasant things in the heat of passion, purely out of emotion. A man takes such words at face value. Ignoring in this case acts as a shield, this is a defensive reaction of the partner.

Representatives of the stronger sex are afraid of being rejected, so they prefer to remain silent and do nothing.

Often men turn on “ignore” based on past bad experiences.

If, by his nature, he cannot think of anything better than “pretending to be dead,” then think about whether you can live with an eternal deserter. 2) Likes to wear a crown. Often a man forgets that climbing into the windows of the women he loves is their prerogative. They begin to expect heroism from women. Let her, they say, be the first to start making peace or approaching on the dance floor. The classic said: “Than

smaller woman

we love, the more she likes us.” The classic said, let the women sort it out. The man turns on the cold in his heart and waits for his “lioness” to bring prey to his feet, while he lies imposingly and ignores. This tactic is used to elevate oneself in the eyes of the woman he likes (or has long been dearly loved).

3) Waiting for proof of your feelings.

Perhaps the man is not sure of reciprocal feelings and is waiting for you to start proving it and give him a special sign. In this case, the man does not expect obvious feats on your part; a smile, a look and kind words are enough for him.

4) Interest did not develop into love.

It is likely that the main reason for the alienation is your behavior or actions. He doesn't share your views, and it's likely that he's just offended. Perhaps you disrespected his friends or didn't answer his phone calls. Or maybe he doesn't like yours new haircut or a short skirt. It could be anything.

What should a woman do if a man ignores her?

Tip 1

Don't doubt yourself

You are amazing, worthy of being loved and deserve the best.

If ignoring is significant, for example, if your partner does not love you, but is simply friendly, then let him go and let new meetings into your life.
One guy doesn’t like your hairstyle, that’s okay, another guy will really like it.

Don't change yourself to be a man. When your soulmate appears in your life, be sure that he will love both your loud laugh and blue locks of hair.

Tip 2

Man is the conqueror, not you

There was a princess in the tower guarded by dragons! Not a prince! And fighting is his destiny, and yours is to sit and wait until he defeats the dragon. Let him turn on the future prince and turn off “Ivanushka the Fool.”

Decided to ignore you? Let be! You sit and wait for him to start conquering you again. And if he doesn’t decide, it means he’s not yours.

Don't call first, don't write a ton of SMS and don't get noticed more often than the traffic police on the highway.

Of course, if you are sure not only of his feelings, but also that you seriously offended him the day before, then go ahead to him, and with an apology.

Tip 3

Turn on the philosopher in you

Everything that is not done is for the better. Yours will not escape you anywhere. And everything else is in the same spirit. Think positively, draw pictures of yourself happy and know for sure that people do not come into life by chance, just some for the experience, and some forever.

Be understanding about temporary cooling; perhaps a man needs to be alone for a little bit in order to “stick” to you more closely later. Give him time to sit in his cave. He’ll come out and start conquering you, you’ll see.

Tip 4

It often happens that a man does not ignore you, but is simply confused, in problems and in minor troubles. For example, he broke the bumper of his favorite car, so he ignores not only you, but the whole world, except for the broken iron horse. Don't take everything personally. Ignoring it can be caused by a bad mood, heavy sleep, or simply heartburn or problems with male power. Try to find out what the reason is and only then be offended by his coldness.

Tip 6

Don't squeeze a man

It is women who need a ton of tenderness, words, signs of attention, a hundred thousand kisses and hugs.

The stronger sex needs respect and understanding, and not an enveloping candy of emotions.

Leave this aside - “music-pussy”, “tsemochki”, “bunny”. And repeated pleas to say out loud how beautiful, best, sexy, charming you are, etc.

Tip 7