Is your child the most savvy, intelligent, talented, gifted? Of all the above, only the statement that this is “your child” is adequate. The rest is dreams, fantasies of parents, which for some reason they take for granted, reality, and their beloved child must live up to expectations loving mothers and dad. Are they really that loving? And who do they love? Is this real child, who is not so brilliant at all? Or is it your dreams and expectations?

By the way, a child can also become like his parents and, following their example, compare them with the more successful, erudite, creative parents of other peers. How would ambitious parents feel in this case? Well, try it, become like the parents of some other child, in whose house your offspring loves to visit. Why can't your child compare? Moms and dads, without hesitation, allow themselves such freedom. Or rather, cruelty.

So, did you get “two” again? What to do? How to react?

Say: “Are you not studying at all?” Or don’t pay attention at all - what if, because of the reproaches, he develops a feeling of guilt, from which a whole bunch of complexes will then develop? Or maybe still compare with the successes of other guys?

In general, it is impossible not to notice the deuce - it turns out that you perceive such an attitude towards school (that is, his work) as the norm, thereby disorienting him about what is good and what is bad.

Will you scold me? He will perceive such humiliation as payment for a bad mark, and therefore he can calmly continue to do nothing.

You need to gradually achieve good grades from your child. There's no way a bad student will turn into a good student in a week. If you set such a bar, you may refuse to go to school altogether.

Success in some activity will help you begin to take a more responsible approach to your studies. Likes drawing? Let him study additionally at an art school. Can't wait until winter to start skiing? Choose a ski section. Victory in any business inspires, inspires new achievements, makes a person more responsible in everything, and over time this will have a positive effect on academic performance.

Try to communicate more with your child. Talk to him, talk and talk. About everything, not just studying.

You need to admit to yourself that the fear of your child’s unfulfilled future due to poor studies has already brought his nerves to the limit. Increased nervousness always prevents you from establishing normal relationships and finding the right solution to problems. Therefore, you need to accept reality as it is: the child is a loser. So what now? Can neither you nor him live any longer? You can and should live!

Try to reconcile yourself with the fact that the child does not particularly want to study and please his mothers and fathers with his achievements. Remember your classmates. Surely, there were excellent students and almost excellent students - efficient, helpful, always so correct. For your peace of mind, find out how their fate turned out. And also, are your classmates successful - C-grade students, who always had a lot of ideas spinning in their heads and brought them to life, and therefore did not have enough time to study. Perhaps as a result, it was the weaker students who turned out to be more successful and happier.

You need to calmly talk with your beloved child about school. Why is he not doing well in his subjects? Listen to his version. Next, discuss each item individually. He cannot fail to understand, for example, not only mathematics, but also literature and history.

Is the reason still due to a lack of understanding of the subject? Launched the material? Help, find courses together where experienced teachers will help him fill gaps in knowledge.

Says he doesn't have enough time? Sit down at the table and write down each day of the week, minute by minute. You'll see, it turns out that you also have about two hours of free time every day.

They ask so much that after six or seven lessons at school he simply cannot bring himself to do his homework? Believe me, it's really hard for children. Especially if they are not workaholics and not too ambitious. But look for an acceptable solution. You can’t reduce the number of lessons, homework you can't shorten it. So, we are looking for other options. Maybe try to complete some of the tasks, then allow them to do what they love (even if it’s just lying on the couch), then complete the next portion. Maybe the child is so emotionally and physically exhausted at school that he needs rest after school, and then he can start preparing for tomorrow’s subjects.

You understand: if you find out the reasons for getting bad grades, then there is a real opportunity to help you get out of the vicious circle of low grades, nervousness, rejection, and anger.

Maybe your child believes that the strength of your love for him depends entirely on his performance at school. Therefore, he checks what will happen if he starts to bring bad marks. If he decides that they really love him for his successes, then he may deliberately stop studying - a kind of revenge on you for such an attitude towards him, venting the pain for not loving him.

It is necessary to distinguish that a child may study poorly because he has a lot to do, he is constantly searching, experimenting with something, researching. Or maybe demonstratively, out of spite, and also flaunts it, for example: “But I won’t prepare for the test (or even worse, for the exam, etc.). So what will you do? You won’t force me anyway.” And he really won’t prepare, he’ll just sit back. This is already a very difficult situation that only a good psychologist can help you understand.

Discuss with your child the importance and necessity of successfully mastering the school curriculum. Notice any positive changes in this direction. You got a C-minus on a test, and before that you got two D’s? Well done! Did you complete the math assignment on your own without even cheating? Great!

Love your child for who he is, respect him, appreciate his successes, support positive endeavors.

Faced with the fact that their beloved child begins to regularly carry “twos” and “threes,” few adults really think about how to correct the situation. The only right decision, as most parents believe, lies on the surface: scold, and that’s all! Look, next time he will be more diligent. Unfortunately, this approach often leads to the exact opposite result: a child who was scolded at all costs for an accidental “D” does not begin to study better, but, on the contrary, completely neglects his studies, and sometimes can even become aggressive. Parents, sincerely perplexed, often begin to put even more pressure on their offspring - needless to say, this only aggravates the situation?

On the other hand, it’s also impossible to completely ignore a child’s bad grades - a relaxed child will realize in the blink of an eye that the parents have given up. Subsequently, it is very difficult to “retrain” such a child: if you did not pay attention to your student’s diary for several years, but after some time you began to demand good grades from him, it will not be possible to force a child who is accustomed to “forgetting” to study. We did a little research and found out why you should never scold a child for bad grades. You can find out the reasons by reading our article.

Reason one: grades do not characterize a person

The grades your child receives can tell a lot of things, but not the kind of person he really is. Characterizing a person by paying attention only to his grades is very stupid, but, unfortunately, this is exactly what most parents “suffer” from: in an attempt to reason with their child, they begin to compare his successes with the achievements of some excellent student. Such a comparison makes the child feel bad (since he cannot achieve the same thing that the hypothetical Vasya Ivanov achieved) and devalues ​​his own successes. You should never scold your child just because he received what you think is an inappropriate grade, also for the reason that the grade may not reflect real knowledge: there are often cases, for example, when a teacher deliberately underestimates the grades of children whose parents did not hand over money on time (or did not hand over at all, although this is not necessary) for classroom needs. Unfortunately, most schools are still very, very far from objectively assessing the abilities of each child, and therefore you should not get hung up on grades: in most cases, they still do not reflect reality.

Reason two: your child may think that you are only interested in grades

If you scold your child for not giving a very good grade, or, on the contrary, praise your child for a high result noted in the diary, there is a risk that the child will think that you are only interested in school success. Every child wants to be loved, no matter what progress he makes at school. By scolding your child for bad grades, you can, of course, ensure that he becomes a better student. However, you run the risk of provoking in your child the development of so-called childhood perfectionism, or excellent student syndrome: it will be quite difficult to get rid of it later.

Reason three: scolding your child for bad grades, you kill the motivation to study better

For some reason, many parents think that the fear that a child experiences, afraid of getting a bad grade, is an excellent motivation that makes him study better. Maybe in some cases such “motivation” will work, and for some time you will even be able to observe a series of A’s and B’s in your student’s diary. Fortunately or unfortunately, in most cases, parents’ threats do not lead to anything good: it will not be possible to force a child to study better just by scolding him for bad grades. Alas, most likely you will have to observe an outcome completely different from what you expected: the child will simply lose the remnants of motivation that could encourage him to study better. Punishment in this case becomes meaningless, useless and even harmful: you not only did not achieve what you wanted, but also worsened an already deplorable situation.

In most cases, parents, having learned about a bad grade, begin to express their negative attitude towards the situation in every way. Dissatisfaction can be expressed in words, gestures, incessant lectures, and some even grab the belt. Seeing such a parental reaction, children often withdraw into themselves, stop trusting their parents, and begin to deceive in order to avoid a repetition of the unpleasant situation. Growing up, children distance themselves even more from their parents, ignoring their demands and statements.

What should parents do in such a situation? Despite the fact that the situation with a deuce is not very pleasant, try to control yourself, do not call or scold the child, do not speak badly about his mental abilities, and so on. Schoolchildren perceive such criticism not as an assessment of their knowledge, but as a mockery of their personality.

There is also no need to treat it with humor or ignore the fact of receiving an unsatisfactory grade; such a reaction from parents can provoke the child to give up school altogether. If necessary, you can help the child with homework, explain misunderstood material, but there is no need to do homework for the student, such a disservice will not bring any benefit in the future.

If a child has not learned his lessons without a good reason, for example, he forgot or walked on the street, played with friends, etc., there is no need to cover him up in front of the teacher. The child must be responsible for all his actions.

How to react to a bad grade? First of all, pull yourself together, sit next to your child and try to explain what was the reason for receiving an unsatisfactory grade. Be sure to say that you are also upset and that you will try to help if possible. A bad grade is not always the result of a lack of necessary knowledge; sometimes it can be due to poor health, conflict in the class or with the teacher, poorly understood material, etc.

Due to the fact that recently a large volume of homework has been assigned, and the teacher gives minimum required, then it is quite possible that the child simply did not understand the material. Try to understand this topic together with the student; if necessary, call the teacher; if you have the financial opportunity, you can visit a tutor.

If poor performance is associated with the inability to speak in front of an audience, practice with your child telling the report and essay out loud, in the presence of other family members. When the student has mastered the incomprehensible material, ask him to approach the teacher to correct the bad grade. And, most importantly, be your child’s friend in any situation, so that he knows that the family will understand and support him.

A child can avoid punishment from parents for a bad grade if he knows how to behave. In fact, competent parents will never show aggression towards their child, even if he is failing at school. Because attentive adults know: when faced with aggression, a child, and especially a teenager, will immediately close himself off from the outside world, and no amount of upbringing will have any effect on him.

It's unfortunate, but not all parents are distinguished by deep wisdom. Many mothers go the route of lecturing, judging and threatening. Some dads may make fun of their child for a bad grade, say unpleasant words and punish. Of course, this is the wrong approach. In this situation, the child or teenager must show their parents a way out of the situation by example.

Explanation of reasons for poor performance

The first thing to do when a bad grade is already in your diary is to try to explain to your parents the reason for the failure. Perhaps the topic was too difficult to comprehend. Explain that you would be happy to correct the situation if someone could help you understand the subject.

Sincerity works wonders, even with not the wisest parents.

If there is a conflict with a teacher, parents should also be informed about this. Any adult knows how difficult it is to prove your worth if you are being picked on or completely ignored. Everything should be told as it is. Probably, the teacher really behaves incorrectly, and this affects academic performance. Let the parents sort it out with the teacher.

Poor health reduces attention and concentration. If a bad grade is the result of an illness, parents should know about it. Every year the school curriculum is becoming more stringent, and the health of modern children is deteriorating. In no case should a child expect punishment for a bad grade if he was sick or unwell.

Contact with parents

To study well and enjoy the process, you need to stop being afraid of condemnation and punishment in case of failure. To do this, you need to establish contact with your parents. You need to bring them up to date, talk about your problems at school, and share your impressions of the lessons.

Fear is not best helper in improving academic performance.

Sometimes it is enough to talk about your feelings about a bad grade once for parents to take the side of their child, stop punishing him and help him finish school with dignity. Only mutual contact with mom and dad creates trust. And trust eliminates the fear of punishment for a bad grade.

What to do if your child gets a bad grade, and how to properly motivate him to do well in his studies. Recommendations from a psychologist.

Marina, is it necessary to explain to your child about the school grading system that “five” is good and “two” is bad?

If the school has a grading system, and especially if it is adopted in primary school, then you definitely need to talk about it with your child. Explain to him in what cases and for what he can receive this or that assessment. It is important that the child does not form such a negative connection: “if I have bad grades, then I am bad.”

In a traditional Russian school, assessment is a public act. The whole class, or even the whole school, knows what grades a particular child achieves. And very often, especially in junior school, grades are a measure of the child’s personality as a whole, when labels such as “C” or “excellent student” indicate the child’s abilities in principle. They are also a filter in the process of adaptation of the child both in the group of peers and in the teaching community. And this prism is the main one in the school environment. The fact that a child’s speed of perception of material is lower than others, for example, or due to his choleric temperament it is difficult for him to concentrate on a task - all these nuances will be taken into account in the very last place.

Often, schools do not take into account the dynamic processes in a student’s development. At the beginning of the year, the child could show far top scores, but by the end of the quarter his performance became higher, but the overall score when calculating the quarter mark will not take this progress into account - initial low grades, especially in large quantities, will devalue the final high marks.

Therefore, the child, of course, must know that he must strive to get good grades in order to be successful in the future. But bad grades should not be interpreted as ignorance, carelessness and laziness.

ChildI got a bad grade. Is it worth punishing?

Do not do this. Motivation for progress and achievement must be positive. If there is a bad grade, it means you need to try harder to improve the result. Punishing a child for a bad grade, for example, by depriving him of walks, games or communication with friends, his motivation will be negative. It creates either fear or nihilism. In case of fear, the child will be afraid to take the initiative. This can be implemented like this: for example, one problem may have several solutions, but even if your child has them, he will remain silent or use the only acceptable answer because he will be afraid of making a mistake. In the case of nihilism, aggression and aversion to learning arise, the child will think like this: “if I have a bad grade, then I will do badly in everything.”

Let your child understand that a bad grade is just a reason to further improve the result. It’s like in sports, where a loss or a missed goal is not a failure, but another training session and a step towards a new achievement, victory. This is exactly the attitude a child should have toward a teacher’s grades.

If every bad assessment is followed by its analysis, and in the connotation of a positive outcome, then they will be avoided faster. Because the child who brought a bad mark will know that he can explain to the parent why this happened, why the bad mark was given, and where he misunderstood the material. The student will have a feeling of security, not fear. The task of parents and teachers is to provide such a safe space for the student and, first of all, the elementary school student.

Is your child afraid of getting a bad grade or very nervous before tests? What to do?

If a child is afraid of bad grades, most likely, parents have already played their “role” here, “loading” the child with their expectations and unspoken demands.

There is no need to make your child an extension of your own success! Become your child's friend! Each assessment requires support, care, the child must know that he has a safe place and this place is his family.

If your child is nervous before a test, tell a story about yourself, about how you went to tests, how you passed exams, that you, too, were sometimes scared and excited, just like he is now. And very often the tests ended successfully, because there was enough knowledge, just like your child. But when you got a bad grade, you always had a chance to improve it. And the child also has this chance. This identification is important in this case, it provides support for your student.

There is nothing good in the fact that a child is constantly afraid of getting a bad grade. The psyche of a child who is threatened with a bad grade will include protective mechanisms in the face of parental and teacher rejection. And this is a normal mental function. However, the protection itself will not be the best. One option is an endless feeling of guilt for a bad grade and dissatisfaction with oneself, which as a result can lead to the identity of an inferior person. The second option is to develop such a quality as slyness, silence, popularly called lying. To avoid punishment (provided, of course, that he is being punished for bad grades), the child will lie. There is a third option. To prove that he is good, a student, having received a bad grade, will take the path of perfectionism and focus only on his homework. The result can be impressive, provided that the child has a strong ego and is able to withstand failure. But in a primary school, which instills in the child knowledge about himself through grades, this is not typical. In addition, all three options are united by a common feeling - a feeling of fear, which adult life develops into background anxiety and becomes one of the components neurotic conditions. For some, this is practically unnoticeable, but for others who were unlucky with a teacher in childhood, they will be very sensitive to the disturbing effect on the psyche.

Is it necessary to praise for “A” grades?

Of course, you need to praise for A's. But don’t overdo it with comments like “you’re the best”, “you know everything”, etc. Do not create a cult of “A”, when “A” is good, and everything else is below the bar and does not deserve praise, then a “bad” grade will not become a tragedy for the child.

If a child receives excellent grades, this is a reason for pride, first of all, for the parents. They are the ones who can influence the development of the so-called excellent student syndrome. Children's perfectionism is a very severe neurosis for a child, but a child falls into it with the direct assistance of an adult. As a rule, such a child is initially loaded with high parental expectations. The only way to justify them is to be good at everything, to become an excellent student, to win even at something other than your own game. If this does not happen, then the child feels unworthy and unnecessary to his parents.

First of all, let your child know that you are praising him not for the grades he receives, but for the fact that he strives for knowledge and shows interest in learning something. And there is no harm in the fact that at some point the child shows less curiosity about the subject and does not receive excellent grades for it.

The child believes that the teacher was unfair to him and lowered his grade. How to proceed?

Analyze the situation, find out why the teacher gave such a grade. When you talk to your child about his grades, you are showing him your support. But it is also important not to lower the authority of the teacher in the eyes of the child. Therefore, it is worth taking not the position of your child’s parent, but the position of a teacher. Because often, from the position of a parent, we have one desire - to protect the child. If there really is injustice in the mark, then it is worth discussing it with the teacher.

In the photo: painting by F.P. Reshetnikov. "A deuce again"