For some reason it is believed that real love mostly happens at a young age, because there are no poems or songs about late love. Maybe falling in love at 60 is indecent? And if this happens to someone, is it only to those who are “out of their minds”? Psychologist Arina Krupenina categorically disagrees with this assumption and provides convincing arguments to prove that she is right: love is possible at any age. Another question is that in the later years she is most often unhappy.
"Empty Nest"
When student children leave to study and then work, spouses are faced with the question of how to fill the resulting void.
If they have something in common, the period of life restructuring ends for the family without loss. But if they were together only for the sake of the children, an impulse arises: the task is completed, you can be free. And then comes late love.
The other side of this coin is the problem. IN mature age The question of who to be with – a new love or a spouse – arises especially acutely. Consistency in habits and in everyday life, as well as a reluctance to lose or share the material wealth acquired together, are reflected. There is pressure from both the spouse, for whom this marriage remains the last hope, and the children.
As a result, the person returns to the family, acutely experiencing both the need and the need to be with the unloved for the rest of his days.
The path is clear
It would seem that what prevents people who have long been divorced or widowed from falling in love?
But some people refuse the very idea of love, citing: “Why do I need problems in my old age?” Others say: "A man like mine ex-husband or my wife, I won’t meet you again!”
Late love comes only to those who are not traumatized by marriage and do not idealize their past partner.
However, this is often not love, but a convenient union of two people. You can often observe mature, newly created couples: a man who is used to having sex, and a woman who does not tolerate loneliness. Although there are pleasant exceptions.
Cure for old age
Late maturity and old age are the time when a person analyzes his own place in life and sums it up. Recognizing the inevitability of death, he subconsciously tries to distance himself from the horror associated with it. Sex takes on a special, almost mystical meaning in this process. Sexual attraction at this age is not nonsense at all, but the right path to physical well-being and preservation of youthful spirit. It gives prospects for the future, filling life with meaning.
Thus, love that comes to a person in maturity is perceived not only as late, but also as the last. That is why I so want to preserve it, care for it and take care of it, treating it with care, like a flower.
If you, and your parents or even grandparents, are experiencing this feeling, be delicate and do not trample the tender sprout.
13.11.2018
The advantage of love in adulthood is that each partner knows well what he wants and what he can offer.
at first glance, it is no different from relationships in any other period of life. But for those who experience it, it is the culmination of life, new meeting with your soulmate.
The most interesting thing is that she comes when no one is expecting her. Many people at this age have experienced the collapse of their previous relationships, and often people come to the decision to “lock up their hearts” so as not to suffer anymore.
But a chance meeting, a casual conversation, a cup of coffee gradually connects two worlds, two universes.
We invite you to dive into this topic today and talk about mature love.
Love in adulthood: more peace, more wisdom
Let us first note one important aspect: it means several decades of lived years.
However, the maturity of the soul, mind and heart It’s not the years lived that determines it, but the experience gained, the ability to think soberly and make wise decisions.
Some people even in their sixties behave with the irresponsibility and immaturity of a teenager. Others enter adulthood with a sense of inner balance. They accept everything they have done and take responsibility for it.
They look to the future with confidence, optimism and still want to do and experience.
Two souls, each with their own experience
We have all experienced, appreciated and lost a lot. When starting new ones, we shouldn’t forget everything we’ve experienced before, and cross out from our lives all the connections we had in the past.
- Memory does not forget, memory transforms and integrates.
Therefore, love in adulthood is often expressed in relationships characterized by completeness and sophistication. Partners accept their entire past, this helps them understand what they want in the present and what they are not going to tolerate.
- Both partners have experienced their triumphs and ups, losses and disappointments in the past. They came to understand that partners should not agree on everything with each other, but should respect differences.
- Each of the partners has their own “baggage”, their own history, and it is better not to “hide” them, but to discuss them with frankness of people who understand each other and respect the partner’s past.
Enjoy the present to its fullest
They may not be 20 years old anymore, but they are not trying to regain their youth. People who have found their happiness in adulthood know and understand what it is best time their lives, they are not nostalgic for the past and do not fear the future.
- It’s wonderful to enjoy the present when there is love that illuminates everything around, which gives fullness of feelings and experiences.
- It’s as if we found what we always dreamed of, and that’s why we live life to the fullest, "Here and now". And all this, of course, increases our...
Love in our "size"
When maturity comes, we have several “cycles” behind us: we were married, divorced, raised children... Having gone through all this, we already know well what we want.
Age and experience also give us greater peace of mind; we relate more easily to the various “little things in life.” Everything we experience strengthens us in one way or another, which gives relationships in adulthood additional advantages.
Eternal youth is expressed in the ability to love
Youth of soul and heart must be constantly maintained; For this it is important to love ourselves.
- If we find love in adulthood, this “injection” will fill our lives with new meaning, passion, desires, projects and amazing emotions.
- Love has no age, no race, no color. The image of two lovers who begin their journey through life together is universal.
We all have this magical “switch” (or rather, “on”) called passion and love.
This magical thing that we come across by chance and that is worth fighting for every day.
On Valentine's Day, congratulations on Valentine's Day (and on other days) are entitled to be received not only by young people, but also by those who are captured by love in adulthood. They can love no less passionately than young people, and perhaps even more than when they were young. If that sounds like a statement, you can assume it is. Movies and television rarely depict older couples in the throes of passion. But when this happens, why do you think they are so good at it? Years of practice take their toll.
Love, elderly age and cinema
In our cinema, only the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears” by V. Menshov can lay claim to real story human relationships between people in adulthood. Abroad, classic love stories (such as "Gone with the Wind") still rank first in all ratings and polls.
Sergei Mokritsky’s film “The Four Ages of Love,” released in 2010, shows the relationship between mature and mature people. But the film is shot with a cold heart, art-house cinema crawls out of all the cracks and makes you watch it detached, the truth of life disappears into these same cracks.
Otherwise, what we see every day on the body and movie screens is testosterone flowing like a fountain, and this is not bad, it just bears little resemblance to what happens in real life.
Four ages of love
Daily life, endowing us with experience, gradually changes us, sometimes doing it so quickly that we do not have time to notice how the four ages of love pass. Youth flies by quickly, leaving a scar on the heart from first love; categorical youth passes with its motto: “All or nothing!” Prudent maturity sets in, and then old age creeps up very quietly and unnoticed in soft slippers. We cannot return our youth, we should not even wish for it. There is no way to change anything, there are only memories or regrets of what was or should have been. The past has led us to the present, to the fruits that we enjoy: help, care and love.
In one's declining years, romance does not disappear from life; it simply narrows one's horizons, looking at life realistically. Remembering the path you have traveled, your four ages of love, you understand that every time you love, you lose a part of yourself, gaining something from another person. It's almost like a lizard's tail that grows back. It's about the soul. Every love experience teaches us, revealing new facets and shades of love until we learn the lesson and discover this new thing in ourselves.
Love is not on the ruins of life, but on a high level
It takes a certain courage to open up to a new feeling, it makes us vulnerable, we must trust another person, let him into our world and home. Especially if love comes in old age. No one can guarantee happiness and better life. We are guests in this life, we can only strive to live the time allotted to us as happily as possible.
When you smell roses or receive them as a gift, do not forget that they have thorns, and when you look at the young ones, do not forget how many years it took you to learn to love and enjoy life. Look at the world with young eyes for as long as possible. You may not get younger, but you can still enjoy life with your partner and be happy with your life together.
In adulthood When love comes to a person, it inspires, everything around becomes beautiful and cozy. The whole world seems to be filled with kindness and understanding. The grass looks greener, the birds sing symphonies, the people smile, and it's all about you. Love changes sensations so much and inspires feelings that everything around you only becomes positive sides. I want to sing, constantly smile and enjoy life and the fact that my loved one is nearby, which means everything is fine. You always want to be close to your loved one. In separation, bored. And when together, it doesn’t matter where, the main thing is with your loved one. I really want to surrender to my feelings, go with the flow, love and be loved.
Mature age is not a reason to refuse a love relationship
But no matter how it seems, in at different ages feelings are different from each other. In the prime of adolescence, everything seems much brighter and simpler. They don’t care about small everyday problems or what others will say. You love your soulmate only because she is with you, and this proves a lot, as it seems at that moment. A person is loved not for something, but simply because he is nearby. To a greater extent at this age they choose according to appearance, material status, popularity. After all, many young people meet only for ostentatious significance and to give a certain authority.
Love in older age is not so cloudless. It’s not for nothing that there is such a proverb: “You need to get married when you’re young.” This suggests that at a young age feelings are much freer and are not driven into boundaries. In adulthood, one comes to the realization that simply loving is not enough; the main components of a reliable relationship are needed: trust, respect, understanding, the ability to compromise, support; these feelings are as important as love itself. This may be why it is much more difficult to find a mate when they become adults. Because they are guided not only by feeling, but also by attitude and attention. This is checked very simply, help in Hard time, indicates a desire to support in a difficult situation, to lend a shoulder, and to be a reliable support. During illness, protect from all adversities. Material support, the desire to give the best to your soulmate. All these proofs of love work in adulthood only when they are collected into a single whole. Love for a person without the main components is possible, but it just doesn’t last long, and it quickly passes when you are faced with life’s difficulties, problems quickly sober up and force you to see the light.
A man who fell in love with a woman with a child, bears double responsibility. Since he must protect not only his beloved woman, but also his child. When choosing a partner, a woman with a child motivates her choice by a general attitude. Since she and the child are one whole, the man must understand that the mother will not go against the will and well-being of her child. Whatever is good for the child will be good for the mother. Under no circumstances should you force yourself. You need to gain trust and achieve understanding. If a child sees that his mother is respected and loved, then he himself will be drawn to you. If on the contrary, then you will never be able to achieve positive result. Children feel everything on a subconscious level; it is impossible to deceive them.
It's stupid to think that love only happens in at a young age. Stronger and more reliable feelings arise at a later age. They undergo a kind of “selection” based on the components listed above. If such a person is found, this love will last forever, unlike youthful love. Therefore, do not hesitate to show feelings at any age, but do not forget about your loved ones, children, parents. They need to know that you are happy, you feel good. Let them rejoice with you.
Our grandparents, our parents, and partly ourselves, grew up in conditions where love in adulthood was condemned by society. Therefore, older people either diligently suppressed their feelings or hid them.
Hence the unhappy families with no loving friend friend by spouses who do not divorce in order to avoid social condemnation. It didn't make anyone happier. Neither the grandparents themselves, nor their grandchildren and children. So where did the taboo on relationships in adulthood come from in our society and how should it be?
Reasons for the negative attitude towards love in older people
This is how it happened historically. Just 100 years ago, a 40-year-old person was considered a decrepit old man. Considering the level of medicine at that time, there were reasons for this. In the 19th century, the average life expectancy in most countries that we now consider economically developed was less than 40 years. And in the 18th century – 25-33 years. It is not surprising that our grandmothers considered love in old age to be an senile eccentricity. After all, their parents and grandfathers were decrepit old people by the age of 50-60, and more often they simply did not live to that age.
Legends about the heroic health of that generation are based on misconceptions, i.e. incorrect interpretation of facts. The old-timers were truly distinguished by their health. The reason for this is natural selection. Everyone who had illnesses died early because there was no adequate treatment. And there were very few healthy old people.
In this regard, young people have both a share of arrogance and a touch of selfishness. There is only truth. Of course, everything is individual. Each person has his own inner age. Some people retire early, while others retain the ability to love a woman/man into old age.
Love in adulthood: what experts say
Children grow up, and parents often find themselves alone. Rare communication and activities with grandchildren do not help. A typical story: a lady nearing retirement age went to the doctor with complaints of feeling unwell: weakness, depression, low blood pressure and headache. The doctor recommended falling in love and having an affair. Yes, yes, exactly a novel. This is where the stupor occurs.
People in love feel happy, and happiness does not cause depression. Of course, not all diseases can be cured by love. But in some cases it helps. It helped our heroine too. The lifestyle has changed. My health has changed.
If before she came home from work tired and tried to force herself to do household chores, every now and then putting off work and sitting down to rest. Now, at the end of the working day, she ran to the salon to do new haircut, styling, manicure. In a hurry, I ran into the store to buy myself a new bright blouse. And at home, household chores were carried out quickly and energetically. What could not be done before the date was postponed until later without any regrets. Trying on a new blouse in front of the mirror, she casually threw back things that had suddenly fallen out of the closet and was not at all embarrassed by the slight disorder of the house. Of course, with this lifestyle, the pressure returned to normal, depression and headaches disappeared.
This story also has a scientific explanation.
People in love produce in their bodies a large number of endorphins. They are often called “pleasure hormones.” These are compounds that are very similar in their action to narcotic substances. Therefore no the best remedy from depression than love. Especially mature love, devoid of youthful passions, excess of illusions and, as a result, disappointments.
However, love at an older age is also not always rosy. Experienced people also make mistakes, suffer, and are disappointed, but less often, and they bear it much calmer.
How does love in old age differ from youthful feelings?
Research shows that people who enter into relationships as adults are much less likely to get divorced.
The strength of these unions can be explained by experience, which allows one to choose the right partner, and wisdom, which makes it possible to avoid quarrels.
Motivation is important loved one. The ability to lend a shoulder in difficult moments. In addition, relationships in adulthood are usually devoid of psychological games and rivalries that most often destroy modern young families.
Is love always cloudless in older age?
Despite many obvious advantages, a mature couple also has weaknesses.
Often love in adulthood is more an experience than feelings
Intrenched views of the world, experience, previous grievances and fears associated with former partners, stereotypes and the idea of “how it should be” among partners in a mature couple can inevitably bring the flared romance to “no”.
Adults, for all their wisdom, are not very flexible. They usually have children from previous marriages. Not only small, but also adult daughters and sons always find it difficult to bear the fact that their father or mother has a new family.
Even in American realities, the love of older people is often broken into fragments due to the inability to connect 2 different families in 1. And in Russian conditions psychological problems are mixed with financial ones. Parents who have met their man in his declining years and fallen in love with him, painfully make a choice between new family th and the previous one. The need to choose often falls to a man:
- If he takes care of his beloved’s children, he often does not have enough time and resources for his own.
- If he gives preference to his own children, then problems arise in the new family, since it is impossible to live together and not share the burdens with each other.
Such relationships often collapse when they fail to stand the test. Moreover, a man who is “torn” into 2 parts usually understands that his beloved’s children will never perceive him in the same way as his own. This means that in this dilemma he will give up the right to love.
In such a situation it is difficult to give advice. Because everyone must make their own choice. But most often, people who were able to maintain love choose a relationship without marriage and a common home. It's sad, but even adult and self-sufficient couples are not always free to choose.
