Every parent has encountered this unpleasant phenomenon - children's hysteria. Some people prefer to ignore children's problems, others begin to get irritated and loudly reprimand the screaming child. But child psychologists are asking parents to be careful: There are two types of children's tantrums, each of which requires a radically different parental response. And it is important to be able to distinguish between them.

Upper brain (upper floor) hysteria

This type of childish hysteria is generated by momentary emotions, strong dissatisfaction or the desire to immediately get what is due. In other words, this is that unpleasant situation when your child suddenly stands up in the middle of the store, screaming and stomping his feet, insistently demanding to buy him a new doll or radio-controlled car. This hysteria is a banal attempt to manipulate the parent in order to achieve what they want. It arises in the upper part of the brain and is completely controlled by the child himself.

In such a hysteria, the child is in complete control of himself and is perfectly aware of what is happening around him, because the cause of the hysteria on the top floor is his own decision to cause it. Even if it doesn’t seem so to the parent from the outside, in this situation his child is completely adequate. This is easy to check: buy your child the toy he wants, and in a split second he will become calm again, and his mood will return to full normal.

The hysteria of the upper floor is a kind of moral terrorism, for the resolution of which there are only two ways:

1. Agree and give the child what he requires.
2. Ignore the hysteria so that the child understands that his performance has no audience.

Psychologists advise to be calm about children's tantrums of this kind. Keep your composure, stay cool. Do not follow your child’s lead so that he does not use such a “dirty trick” in the future to easily and unconditionally achieve his goals. Explain to him in a calm tone that this moment you cannot fulfill his desire. Give compelling reasons, tell us why you refuse, for example, to buy a new car. The child must learn that there is simply no way to fulfill his immediate desire. And that you don't just refuse him in order to insist on your own.

Your child will almost certainly calm down quickly if you do the following:

1. Explain to him that you perfectly understand his desires.
2. Give reasonable reasons for refusal.
3. Emphasize the abnormality of his behavior and promise appropriate punishment.
4. Offer a deal: you will buy your child a car or a doll as soon as possible.

“This doll is really very beautiful and I understand perfectly why you want it so much. But now we don’t have any extra money at all, we can’t buy it today. You are behaving very ugly, I am ashamed of you. If you don't calm down, I'll have to punish you, and then you won't go to the circus this weekend. If you calm down and realize that you are now behaving badly, then we will buy you a doll as soon as we have money for it.”

If your child, even despite all your logical arguments and calm tone, continues to rage and demand his way, then be sure to fulfill the promised punishment. And convey to him the important idea that now he will never get what he wants. And it's entirely his fault!

The child must realize that not all of his desires must come true instantly, but if he is patient and learns to behave adequately, he will eventually get what he really wants.

Lower brain (lower floor) hysteria

Unlike the first type of hysteria, the lower level hysteria is a phenomenon generated by the child’s temporary inadequacy. Strong negative emotions or experiences overwhelm him so much that he loses the ability to think sensibly or impute to his parents' words. This type of tantrum affects the lower part of the brain, completely shuts down the ability to self-control and blocks access to the upper part.

A child's hysteria on the lower floor resembles a state of passion when the upper part of the brain simply turns off and the thought process is blocked. At these moments, the child’s brain functions completely differently, and any words you say simply will not reach his consciousness. The only way to stop this type of hysteria is to relieve mental stress so that the child can recover faster.

It is useless to scold a child, shame him or scream when the lower floor is hysterical! The child will still not be able to understand you.

It is important to help the child get out of the state of real hysteria so that he cannot injure himself or cause serious harm to someone (something). Remember that the child is now completely inadequate! You cannot ignore his condition, leave him alone in the room or walk away with a detached look.

When any sound arguments and logic are powerless, then act in a fundamentally different way:

• Take the child in your arms, hold him tightly to you;
• Quietly and affectionately address him, convince your child that everything is fine now;
• It is better to take the child away from the place where he began to have an attack of hysteria;
• Calm him tactilely: gentle stroking and tender hugs often very effective.

The first priority is the need to return the child to a state of healthy adequacy. And only after he has fully come to his senses can we begin to conduct a calm dialogue. Don't shame your child or try to scold him, because the tantrum may happen again. The parents' task is to find out the reasons why the outbreak of hysteria occurred.

A child who is overcome by a downstairs hysteria first of all needs consolation and parental affection!

“You didn’t want to finish your lunch that bad? Didn't you really like the porridge that much? Or were you already full and didn’t want to finish eating? There's no need to be so upset, you could just say that you're already full. Let you tell dad and me when you don’t want to eat anymore, and we won’t force you. Okay, are we agreed?”

A parent must understand that there is a significant difference between when a child is hysterical because of his whims and when he is seriously depressed and upset. It is difficult for an adult to stoop to the level of his child. But sometimes a small child can get really upset over an insignificant incident or trifle, and even fall into a state of bitter melancholy. After the child has calmed down and his upper brain can function normally, the parent should try to calmly talk with the child, provoke a response dialogue, encouraging the child to think logically.

“Even if the food doesn’t seem very tasty to you or if you’re already full, you shouldn’t behave that way. This is very ugly! After all, I tried and cooked for you. You could just say you're not hungry, I wouldn't force you to eat. You can’t lose your temper if you just don’t like something.”

It is at this moment, when the child has previously been understood by you and has received his share of consolation and sympathy, that you can carry out gentle educational measures. The upper part of the brain is no longer blocked, the tantrum is over, and the child becomes receptive to your words and instructions.

How to quickly recognize the right type of tantrum

Not every parent has the skills of a subtle psychologist, so sometimes it can be very difficult to determine the type of children's hysteria unfolding before their eyes. And difficulties arise with choosing your own response. But hysterics can be distinguished by a number of nuances.

False hysteria:

• Do you notice that screaming child listens and understands you;
• The child quickly calms down after threats of punishment;
• The child can be distracted or spoken to, and his attention can be redirected;
• It is possible to come to an agreement with the child;
• Hysteria is more of a demonstrative nature.

True hysteria:

• The child does not understand your words, it is as if he does not hear you;
• He does not calm down even after you promised to fulfill his desire;
• The child tries to harm you or himself, tries to break something, hit someone;
• He cannot control his body, and if he has speech, it is incoherent;
• Hysteria resembles a state of passion.

Remember: sometimes even an adult finds it difficult to cope with his emotions, and for a small child this is often completely impossible.

How to find out the causes of hysterics and be able to immediately prevent them?

All parents periodically face the problem of children's hysterics - tears, screams, rolling on the floor in public places put moms and dads at a dead end. So that your life does not turn into a complete nightmare, and your child stops getting his way through tears, psychologist Victoria Lyuborevich-Torkhova talks about effective methods of dealing with children's tantrums:

When a child reaches the age of 3 years, many parents are faced with a problem that they did not know about before - frequent. Ignorance and misunderstanding of the reasons for the hysterical behavior of children, as well as the impasse on how to behave in such moments and stop the child’s frightening behavior, become the cause of panic for many mothers and fathers. Advice from a psychologist will help you understand the reason for this behavior in 3-year-old children, how to deal with hysterics and prevent them in the future.

In raising such a child, parents need to be patient, constantly praise him, hug and caress him, communicate as equals, listen and involve him in household chores.

Strong

The processes of excitation and inhibition in the brain in such children are balanced. A child with a strong type of nervous system is almost always cheerful and cheerful, easily communicates with others, and for the appearance of hysterical behavior he needs a good reason.

Conflict situations with parents and peers arise extremely rarely for such children; they sleep and eat well, willingly participate in various clubs, but often change hobbies, because having figured out something, they immediately lose interest in the old hobby. Negative aspects in the character of such children are inconstancy, frequent breaking of their promises, and difficulties in maintaining a daily routine.

Unbalanced

The processes of excitation of the nervous system of such a child in the brain prevail over the processes of inhibition, so he is hot-tempered, easily excitable and emotionally unstable. A child can be put into a state of excitement by a new toy or a bright event. Therefore, such children sleep poorly and not soundly, often wake up and cry at night.

In a circle of peers, an unbalanced child tries to take leadership and be the center of attention and events. Such kids do not know how to finish what they start. When engaged in any business, they cannot stand even the slightest criticism, they can flare up, drop everything and leave, while getting angry and showing aggression. Parents of such children can be advised to be more flexible and patient, to teach their child to complete all tasks, to be restrained and obligatory.

Slow

This type of nervous system is characterized by delayed excitation and a predominance of the inhibition process. Children with a slow type of nervous system eat and sleep well from birth, they are calm, they can be alone for a long time and not suffer from this, finding their own entertainment.

Parents of such children are often surprised by their restraint, prudence and predictability. The child is slow, brings any task he starts to completion and does not like sudden changes in the situation. He is restrained in his emotions, so it is often difficult for parents to understand his mood. Advice is to encourage the child to take active actions that develop motor and speech activity.

Children with weak and unbalanced types of nervous system are most prone to tantrums at the age of 3 years. To exclude pathologies and congenital diseases of the nervous system, parents are advised to show the baby to a pediatric neurologist.

Causes

The older a child gets, the more needs and desires he has, which are not always supported by his parents. It is at the age of 3 that a child begins to show emotions violently and respond to prohibitions with hysterics.

You need to know about the main factors that cause violent, hysterical protest in children:

Even if parents establish the true cause of their child’s frequent tantrums at the age of 3, they must understand that the child’s emotional sphere is not developed enough to stop in time and suppress the storm of excitement. The child cannot control his emotions, he is not capricious on purpose, but any misunderstanding or provoking factor can cause whims that develop into hysterical fits.

The main difference between hysterics and whims in a child is that the child begins to act up consciously. With the help of whims, the little manipulator tries to get his way; he can stomp his feet, scream and throw objects, but he controls himself, continuing manipulation until he gets what he wants or is punished.

Hysteria occurs involuntarily in a child, emotions cause a whole storm of indignation, during a seizure the child hits his head on the walls and floor, screams, sobs, many children are prone to the appearance of convulsive syndrome during a hysteria. Such convulsions acquired their name “hysterical bridge” because of the child’s posture - during a hysteria, he arches.

Stages of tantrums

Children's hysterical seizures are characterized by the following stages:

1. Screams. This is the initial stage of hysteria, the child stops hearing anyone, he screams loudly, scaring the parents, but does not make any demands.
2. Motor excitement. Manifests itself by falling on the floor, hitting your head on objects, pulling out hair, etc. The baby does not feel any pain during this stage of hysteria.
3. Sobbing - the child cries loudly, sobbing and without stopping for a long time. His whole appearance expresses resentment and dissatisfaction. Since it is difficult for a child to cope with emotions, after the sobbing stage, he will sob for a long time, and the emotional state can be described as emptiness. After a tantrum, the baby may fall asleep during the day, but night sleep will be shallow and intermittent.

You can fight hysteria at the initial stage - the stage of screaming. If the child has crossed stage 2 or 3, conversations and attempts to calm down usually do not bring results.

How to stop an attack

Many inexperienced parents, faced with a similar situation for the first time, are interested in how to quickly stop hysterics in a child aged 3 years. The famous pediatrician Komarovsky claims that the tactics of behavior during a seizure should be as follows:

Do not spank the butt, yell at the child or scold him for bad behavior during a tantrum. He still won’t understand anything, it will only intensify the explosion of emotions. The talking tactic will only work after the seizure ends. If a child becomes hysterical during admission to kindergarten, and does not want to part with the mother - there is no need to hold him in your arms for a long time and say goodbye, it is recommended to leave the child with the teacher and leave quickly. This way the time of children's hysteria will be reduced.

Hysterics at night

Many parents notice that the baby began to throw tantrums at night at the age of 3 years, which were not observed before. The baby wakes up at night, screams, refuses to drink or go to the potty, and often the mother cannot even understand whether the child is sleeping or conscious while screaming.

There may be several reasons:

To improve night's sleep and prevent tantrums, you need to understand the reasons that provoke them. It wouldn't hurt to show the baby child psychologist.

Prevention

Now it remains to figure out how to deal with tantrums in a 3-year-old child in order to reduce their frequency and level of emotions during attacks. It is recommended to take the following measures:

Immediately after the end of the hysterical attack, you need to hug the child and try to explain to him that the mother is upset by this behavior (but not by the child himself!). The child must understand that parents want to be proud of their child, and it is impossible to be proud of such ugly behavior. It is important that the child understands that his mother still loves him, despite his bad behavior, and strives to reduce his whims to a minimum.

It is impossible to completely prevent the development of tantrums in a child at the age of 3; every child must experience this stage of emotional maturation. But you can reduce the frequency of attacks by paying him due attention, taking into account his opinion and teaching him patience and self-control.

Much depends on the behavior of the parents - they must be attentive to the child, and at the slightest deviation from the norm (severe attacks, cessation of breathing during hysteria, convulsive syndrome), contact a child neurologist and psychologist.

But usually the problem is bigger than it seems, affecting 9 out of 10 families who have to raise a hysterical child. And hysterics themselves are not a one-time occurrence, they happen systematically. Moms and dads are at a loss, they are angry, worried, and don’t know how to stop all this. What should adults do if a child is hysterical?

What is a child's tantrum?

Hysteria is a special emotional state of extreme excitement. The child screams, sobs, falls to the floor, may hit the walls or scratch his face. He is completely insensitive to the words and actions of others and practically does not feel pain. It is extremely difficult to stop this. This behavior frightens and puzzles parents, especially if, in their opinion, there were no special reasons for such behavior in the baby. What did the adults do wrong?

Hysteria, as a rule, although it develops rapidly, like any process in our body, proceeds in several stages. Even if it seems that everything started suddenly, believe me, the symptoms of the beginning “concert” were there, and you need to learn to recognize them. Often the baby begins to sniffle, whine, and becomes silent. This is the calm before the storm. If you react in time, hysterics can be avoided. Sometimes all it takes is to affectionately hug a child who is offended by the whole world and ask what upset him so much. If the problem is a broken toy, offer to fix it together.

For some children, to prevent hysteria, it is enough to switch to another activity. Can't assemble the constructor? Don’t cry, we’ll draw now, and then we’ll definitely assemble a house or a steam locomotive from stubborn parts. If the harbingers could not be discerned or adults did not attach due importance to them, the hysteria itself begins.

• The first stage is vocal. The child, trying to attract attention, begins to whine or immediately scream.
• The second stage is motor. It is characterized by excited active movements of the baby. He may start throwing toys, stomping, and rolling on the floor. This is the most dangerous stage - the child can be injured.
• The third stage is residual. This is a kind of way out of the “surge” - a physically and mentally tired child bursts into tears, looks around at those present with an unhappy look and sobs convulsively. The stage can last up to several hours.

Why does the child do this?

It must be said that children do not always hysteria “out of harm’s way.” And advice like “Less attention - he will calm down faster” or “A good belt for him!” are not only useless, but also harmful.

There are two types of tantrums in children - voluntary and involuntary. In the first case, the baby really shows character, wants to get something and simply doesn’t see any other way. He screams, bangs his legs and arms, shakes his head, while being perfectly aware of what exactly he is doing. If one day a child gets his way through such hysterics, he will take this into account and will manipulate his parents more and more often. What to do in this situation? Give the little one the right to choose. Calmly explain that you don’t like his behavior, warn about possible punishment (for example, deprivation of the opportunity to watch cartoons or go to the park), and then, if the baby does not calm down, carry out the punishment. Thus, the child has a choice - to continue screaming and lose something pleasant, or to pull himself together and resolve the conflict peacefully.

It is impossible to punish physically in this situation! This will make the baby even more aggressive. Once convinced of the ineffectiveness of hysteria as a tool for obtaining personal gain, the child will gradually stop being capricious.

Involuntary tantrums are a process that occurs at the hormonal level. The baby is unable to control his behavior and his body due to the sudden release of stress hormones. Persuading in this situation is useless, since the child simply does not hear you. What to do? Calm down again. And only then get down to business.

In a state of uncontrollable hysteria, it is important for the child tactile contact. Try to pick him up, hug him, pat him on the head. Talk to him in a quiet, soothing voice, describe something unrelated to what is happening: “There are birds sitting on the window,” “Look how sunny it is today, maybe we can go for a walk?” It doesn't matter what exactly you say. The main thing is tactile contact. When the child calms down, you should definitely try to find out what happened. Use leading questions for this: “Did something upset you?”, “Are you scared?” etc.

Who is prone to tantrums?

The tendency to hysterics is an innate feature. It all depends on the type of organization of the baby’s nervous system:

• Weak type. These are shy, unsure children. They are subject to frequent mood swings. They have an unstable appetite and poor sleep. They are excitable and often raise their voice. They are very susceptible to hysterics, during which they behave unpredictably. They calm down relatively quickly.
• Strong type. Guys with this type of nervous system are more often in a complacent mood, easily get carried away, and often do not finish what they start. In a very stressful situation they may throw a tantrum, but this is unlikely. And it will be quite easy to “extinguish” such hysteria.
• Unbalanced type. These are anxious children. They are often tormented by fears and doubts. They sleep “shallowly” and can wake up several times during the night. They can be noisy in society, as they love to be the center of attention, but are sensitive to any criticism. Hysteria in such children can begin suddenly and is accompanied by manifestations of aggression. It is difficult to calm them down.
• Slow guy. These are very calm, reasonable children. They like to do things alone. They are difficult to rouse. Due to the slow processes of excitation and inhibition in the nervous system, there are practically no hysterics. They could, but by the time it reaches their brain, there is no longer any need to scream.

Thus, most often parents of children with weak and unbalanced types of nervous systems complain about children's tantrums.

Night tantrums

Night hysterics stand apart. They are always involuntary and can be caused by a number of reasons: fears, nightmares, daytime overexcitation and an abundance of impressions. The baby just wakes up and immediately starts screaming. It is difficult to calm him down; he arches his back, knocks his legs and arms, and tries to escape.

If the baby is left unattended, he may be injured. Here it is important to provide tactile contact, eliminate the cause of fears - turn on the night light, remove the frightening object from the room.

I once encountered nightly tantrums in my two-year-old son. Nothing helped. Then a non-standard solution was found, which I now recommend to many mothers. We discussed with the baby the “scary shadows and ghosts” that do not allow him to sleep, after which we went and bought a small bright yellow plush very funny cat in the store. We gave him a name - Daredevil.

According to the legend I told, a brave sunny cat protects boys and girls from shadows and other villains at night. My son began to fall asleep more calmly because he trusted me and Daredevil. After a couple of weeks, he stopped waking up at night altogether. But even now, a year and a half later, he takes Daredevil (already pretty shabby) with him to bed without fail. Make such a friend for your baby. Let it be a kind, very bright character with big eyes or a wide smile. Write a fairy tale about him. Your child will believe in it too.

Age tantrums

Age-related tantrums are a consequence of the “tuning” of the child’s nervous system. At different stages of his life, the baby, as he learns something new, must adapt to this new thing. It doesn’t always work out painlessly, and not for everyone.

• Children under 1 year of age rarely experience hysteria. Their hysteria always has a reason: wet pants, fatigue between periods of sleep, hunger, boredom, etc. At this age, increased intracranial pressure may also be a reason for frequent and demanding crying. A consultation with a neurologist will help confirm or rule out this problem. Mental disorders at this age are almost impossible to diagnose.
• If the child is already 1.5 years old, his tantrums are not yet a method of manipulation, but only a consequence of overstrain of the still unstable psyche. Calming a baby is quite simple. It is enough to take him in your arms and switch his attention.

• At 2 years of age, children's hysterics are usually caused by the child's desire to receive more attention from adults. He already knows how to differentiate himself as a separate personality. And often, with the help of hysterics, he tries to explain that he doesn’t like something. Two-year-old children can be capricious from excess impressions, from fatigue, or because of illness. At this age, the birth of another child in the family may become a reason for systematic hysterics. And very often hysterics happen because of the need to go to kindergarten. How to calm your baby? The method depends on the cause of the hysteria. If he is tired, provide him with rest. If he is “jealous” of a brother or sister, pay more attention.
• At the age of 3, the so-called “three-year crisis” begins. “I myself!” - this is what parents of three-year-old children most often hear. The kid persistently demands respect for his beliefs, protests furiously, and is hysterical with or without reason. Three year olds are incredibly stubborn. They don't yet know how to compromise. It is difficult to calm them down. In some cases, you cannot do without the help of a psychologist. Guys are great individuals, and an individual approach to their hysterics is required.
• Usually, by the age of 4, children's tantrums disappear, but if at the age of 4-5 they still occur, this may, unfortunately, indicate gaps in upbringing. If a child does not know the word “no” or does not feel the boundaries of what is permitted, one cannot blame him for this. This is the work of adults. The tantrums are already completely controlled, the baby is mastering methods of manipulation: if mom prohibits something, then you can ask dad, if he doesn’t give what he wants, grandparents certainly won’t be able to resist a loud hysteria. If a child by the age of 4-5 has not been diagnosed with neurological or mental illnesses, then Dr. Komarovsky advises, if possible, to leave a hysterical child alone. There are no spectators in isolation, which means there is no interest in putting on a performance.

• At 6 years old, there comes a time of increased demands and rather strict restrictions. The child has responsibilities. He understands the need to behave within the bounds of decency. It’s paradoxical, but true - at this age, hysterics again become involuntary. This is due to the fact that during the day the baby is forced to behave well in kindergarten. But by evening he gets tired. And after kindergarten she throws tantrums. This is a protest and an inability to “relieve” nervous tension. You can help him by organizing interesting evening leisure activities.
• The crisis of seven years is the second tangible age crisis in a person’s life. At 7 years old the child goes from younger age to school. He is sensitive to drastic changes in life (the need to study, maintain a daily routine). Hysterics at this age are spontaneous. You need to fight them together with adults, mastering the concept of “cooperation.”

• At 8 and 9 years old, tantrums rarely occur; they are usually associated with difficulties in the child’s interpersonal communication. If he has difficulty developing relationships with peers and lacks self-confidence, hysterics occur in the form of long or systematic crying. Determine the reason and act. Help your child believe in himself.
• Hysteria at the age of 9 and 10 years is rather an exception to the rule. It is usually associated with the transition period - your child becomes a teenager. He can make quite aggressive scandals, fight with peers, or cry for a long time. At this age, hysterics are always arbitrary, deliberate and often associated with a lack of love, including for oneself.

• It is important to teach your child to express his problems and dissatisfaction with words, and not throw a tantrum. As soon as the baby starts talking, your task is to instill in him a good habit of talking about his feelings: “The dark scares me” or “I get annoyed when I can’t make an applique.”
• If your child is hysterical, behave appropriately and remain calm. Say no to your own tantrums so that your child does not copy your behavior. Pay attention to the climate in the family: quarrels between parents, conflict situations, the state of divorce, depression of one of the family members act like a time bomb. Not immediately, but from time to time the accumulated negativity breaks the dam and spills out in the child in the form of hysterics.

• Pay attention to the child. 80% of all tantrums occur due to lack of attention.
• Do not pamper or overprotect your child.
• You should not experiment with ways to extinguish tantrums. The tactics should always be the same.
• Help your child relax. Decoctions of motherwort and mint tea, a warm bath, and a light massage are suitable. But you should take medications only as prescribed by your doctor.

To learn how you can cope with children's tantrums, see Dr. Komarovsky's program.

You will learn a lot of useful information by watching the following video.

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Causes, symptoms, stages and tactics of parents during children's tantrums

Hysteria is a manifestation of negative emotions aimed at attracting attention from others. A child's tantrum is a demonstrative manifestation of a child's anger or despair.

The manifestation of hysterics in a child is usually associated with the fact that he does not get what he wants or he cannot do something on his own. At the age of 3 years, the child has not yet learned to restrain his emotions, his speech is still poorly developed and he cannot correctly show his feelings and desires.

Children's tantrums are a fairly common phenomenon, observed in 90% of children. Hysterics begin in some children at 9 months, more often at one and a half years, and by the age of four this is already a rare occurrence. Children's tantrums can be a manifestation of the baby's character or as a way of manipulation.

Causes

• lack of attention on the part of adults;
• the baby was overtired and tired (slept poorly at night, woke up often);
• violation of the daily routine (the child is hungry or wants to sleep);
• the baby cannot express his feelings and desires in words;
• the child cannot get what he wants from adults;
• manifestation of character;
• physical and psychological condition baby during or after illness;
• some children have a desire to imitate adults and peers (some children may repeat after hysterical children or copy the behavior of their parents);
• the baby’s need to receive emotional or physical release;
• unhealthy psychological situation in the family;
• adults try to distract or tear the child away from an activity that is interesting to him;
• at 3 years old, the child is given and bought toys that are not suitable for his age or something he does not succeed in the game.

Signs

Very often, children's tantrums are the result of incorrect reactions and behavior of adults.

If a child is allowed everything, his mother and grandmother love him very much and do not forbid anything, the baby develops a feeling of permissiveness. At 3 years old, the baby still does not understand what he is doing wrong, does not understand the parents’ reaction to his actions. Small children of 2-3 years old often see only tenderness and a smile in response to all their actions; if they are scolded, this does not always happen. Mom may be more strict in some matters, but dad and grandmother allow absolutely everything, as a result the baby cannot figure out “what is good and what is bad.”

Very often, mothers turn to child psychologists when their child turns 2.5 or 3 years old. At this age, many children begin to attend kindergarten. Parents stop recognizing their smiling and friendly baby. Some children at the age of 3 categorically refuse to go to kindergarten, to part with their mother, wake up at night and cry. In the morning, when getting ready for the nursery, some babies begin to cry loudly, scream, and vomiting may occur against the background of general anxiety.

After the mother has brought the baby to kindergarten, he may refuse to undress and go to the group with other children. The sight of the teacher is another irritating factor for him, and he throws a new tantrum. Sometimes parents of such children are surprised: “how much strength does it take to cry almost all day long?”

A child’s hysteria can occur dozens of times a day; this, of course, greatly exhausts him and his parents. Such children sleep poorly, wake up at night and cry. Not all mothers can leave their baby with grandma and not take him to kindergarten. Parents need to work and they don’t know what to do with a child who doesn’t want to go to school. kindergarten, sleeps and eats poorly, wakes up at night and cries.

Children's tantrums, according to psychologists, are a manifestation of the “3-year crisis.” At this time, the baby is developing as an individual with his own separate “I”.

Stages

There are three stages of hysteria in 3-year-old children.

Features of the nervous system are an innate quality, in early childhood appears most clearly. Parents must determine in time the makeup of their baby’s nervous system in order to raise him correctly in the future and develop tactics for his behavior. Proper upbringing will help him in later life to cope with difficult life situations and stress, to grow into a full-fledged, successful person.

Types of nervous system

Children with a weak type of nervous system. This type of nervous system is characterized by slow processes of inhibition and excitation in the brain. Such children are very impressionable, afraid of everything, not sociable with adults and peers, and touchy. They react strongly to conflicts in the family and have low self-esteem. Children with a weak type of nervous system easily lose their balance, but they never show their emotions violently or scream. In a state of stress, he completely loses control over his actions, becomes insane, and unpredictable. They have poor appetite, are very selective in food, sleep poorly, and wake up at night. In upbringing, parents need to show more affection and care, and praise their child. Do household chores with your children and communicate with relatives as much as possible. If the baby wakes up at night and cries, you need to calm the baby down; some children sleep with their mothers;

Children with a strong type of nervous system. This type of nervous system is characterized by the balance of the processes of excitation and inhibition in the brain. Such children show negative emotions only on weighty occasions, but, as a rule, they always arrive at good mood, cheerful and sociable. Parents do not apply special effort in education, conflict situations rarely arise. Children are very sociable and easily communicate with adults and children. They quickly become interested in various activities, it is not difficult for them to understand the principle of some game or activity, but once they figure it out, they quickly change hobbies. A negative feature is the fact that they are not constant, do not keep their promises, do not follow a daily routine, go to bed late, have difficulty waking up in the morning;

Children with an unbalanced type of nervous system. This type of nervous system is characterized by the fact that excitation processes predominate over inhibition processes. Children of this type of nervous system are very excitable; a new event or toy causes a violent reaction in them. As a rule, they have poor sleep, wake up at night, cry, and their sleep is superficial. They are very noisy among their peers and love to be the center of everyone's attention. Having started something, they are easily distracted and cannot complete it. They do not like monotonous tasks; they try to take the place of leader among their peers. From adults, such children cannot stand any criticism, they react very painfully to comments, they can scream, get angry, drop everything and leave. Raising such children requires a lot of patience from parents. Parents should help the child finish the game or any task, teach him to be restrained and patient;

Children with a slow type of nervous system. In children with this type of nervous system, inhibition processes prevail over excitation processes. Such babies usually make their parents happy good sleep at night and appetite. Until 1 year of age, they gain weight well, sometimes above normal. Children are calm, loneliness is not painful for them, they always find something to do. They surprise adults with their prudence, think about their actions, and are predictable in their actions. He doesn't like other people's mood swings. Such children are very slow, but if they take on something, they will definitely complete it. It is sometimes very difficult for parents to understand the mood of their child, because he is very restrained in showing emotions. The main role in parenting is constant encouragement to action. It is necessary to choose outdoor games where you need to run and talk quickly and a lot.

Children with a weak and unbalanced type of nervous system are prone to severe hysterics.

Children's tantrums in babies under 1 year old can be in the form of prolonged and heart-rending crying, which occurs even with small errors in care (feelings of hunger or thirst, wet diapers, it’s hot in the room, wants to sleep, suffers from colic); such children wake up very often at night .

One-year-old babies cry for a long time, even if all causes of concern have been eliminated. In this case, parents should seek help from a pediatric neurologist, because prolonged crying and restlessness at night can be one of the symptoms of increased intracranial pressure.

Pathology and dysfunction of the central nervous system is not only a consequence of perinatal problems; it is necessary to exclude congenital diseases.

Parents' tactics

• Easier to prevent. Parents should not wait until the child’s hysteria reaches its full development; it is necessary to feel and anticipate the situation. You must distract 3- year old child from a situation that irritates him to some other object or animal: “Look, what a bird, a dog!”, And who is that coming to us? Parents should show sympathy for the baby’s negative emotions, hug him, kiss him, reassure him, and talk. The distraction method helps parents only at the initial stage of development of hysteria, but if this is at its peak, then it will not be possible to distract the baby, they will not hear you;
• Boycott the tantrum. The baby needs to know that you cannot stand tantrums. Parents need to pretend that they don’t notice the hysteria, don’t see anything, boycott it. Go to another room, put on headphones, turn on the TV. There is no need to shout, persuade, hit the butt, just don’t react;
• Isolate the child for a short time. If the hysteria occurred in a children's group or in public place Take your baby to another room or to a remote place where there are no people, noise or toys. He should stay in another place for as long as necessary for him to calm down. At this moment, the most important thing for parents is to maintain their own calm and try not to show their irritability; children sense the mood of mom or dad very subtly;
• Don't change tactics. The tactics of parents' behavior when children are hysterical should always be the same, even in a public place;
• Talk to your baby, learn to understand each other. Try together to find suitable words to express his emotions: “I’m angry,” “I don’t like it,” “I’m sad.” IN game form You can rehearse these expressions with a child aged 3 years.

A child’s hysteria is not a reason to stop communicating with him during the day; there is no need to express your dissatisfaction later, or constantly remember this moment. Don't lose your baby's trust!

All information provided on this site is for reference only and does not constitute a call to action. If you notice any symptoms, you should immediately consult a doctor. Do not self-medicate or self-diagnose.

Child behavior problems at 9 years old

Causes of child aggression at 9 years old

The causes of aggression can be very different: family conflicts, adult games, frequent TV watching, somatic illnesses.

It is imperative to respond to such behavior. You can show rigor and rigidity. This option can calm down a completely uncontrollable schoolchild at the age of 9. But under no circumstances be aggressive or raise your voice. Your confidence in the rightness and calm will play in your favor.

If children's aggression is random and rare, then leniency should be shown. As soon as the baby calms down, find out the reasons with him aggressive behavior and eliminate them.

What to do if your child is often hysterical?

Of course, no parent wants to see children's tantrums. However, they happen even to nine-year-olds. Screams and tears are a signal that the child is tired. Give him a chance to rest.

At this age, you should not overload children with additional clubs and sports sections. Daytime naps and daily outdoor play are still important to them.

If hysterics do not stop from the age of five, it means that the child is already manipulating adults with might and main and does it quite successfully. Reconsider your parenting methods; it will be difficult to change the existing relationship. Do this gradually, but calmly and confidently, so that children's tantrums disappear.

Naughty child at 9 years old: what should parents do?

At the age of 9, schoolchildren face a second age crisis. It is because of this that children's behavior changes, children become disobedient and uncontrollable. What to do with such children? The main thing is to be calm and not get annoyed with children. It’s very difficult for them now. Spend more time with your son or daughter, trust them to independently carry out tasks that are important to them. To improve children's behavior, it is advisable to follow a daily schedule, have family traditions and unquestionable rules of life.

How to solve the problem of children's deceptions?

If you understand that your child has begun to deceive you often, you need to think about why he is doing this. Children's deception is a consequence of mental or mental discomfort. The schoolboy does not know what to do and begins to tell not the truth, but fictitious stories. Perhaps this happens due to strict and unfounded punishments, due to a lack of parental affection, or due to praise and encouragement only for significant children's successes. Carefully determine the reason for the deception and prove that you can be trusted in any situation.

Very often, children of this age lie for no reason; they simply pass off their fantasies as reality. In this case, do not rush to punish the student, direct his imagination in the right direction. For example, start writing down children's fairy tales.

How to respond to child theft?

Has your child appropriated someone else's item and you don't know how to react? Remember that this deviation is common in children aged nine. It's connected with adolescence. If you find someone else's item, if possible, return it to the owner. Tell your child that such actions are prohibited and punishable.

Do not threaten your child under any circumstances, do not punish him corporally, and do not discuss the situation with him. strangers. This attitude can depress a student; he will stop trusting you or start stealing to spite you.

Only through conversations good attitude To your child, regardless of his actions, you will be able to explain to him what is good and what is bad.

Psychology Forum

Tantrums in an 8 year old child

May 21, 2017

migara 21 Mar 2017

Chapayskiy 21 Mar 2017

Should I hit you in the ass or is it not pedagogical?

May 21, 2017

Sedatives - for you. -)) My son is dying from doing nothing. Tell me, how do you spend your weekend? Are you going somewhere? Are father and son doing something separately? My son has an interest in something (or maybe he once had?) - music, drawing, theater, animals, reading. ?

What positive character traits does your son have, what do you like about him?

We try to take our weekends somewhere; my dad is a lover of building a snowman in the winter and going hiking when it’s warm. It’s more difficult with interest, we change the third section, I don’t like anything, I scream why I need this school, it’s a waste of time, the teacher, the desk, the neighbor are to blame for the bad grades, but not him)))

vest 21 Mar 2017

Til 21 Mar 2017

Take him to a neurologist.

vest 21 Mar 2017

WebGirl 21 Mar 2017

Rebecca 21 Mar 2017

My son, he is younger, also has hysterics 3 times a day, we consulted a neurologist, tests, drops, nothing fatal. We also went to a clinical psychologist, and now we are receiving comprehensive treatment.

Guest_rightparrot_* 22 Mar 2017

A number of psychologists are of the opinion that in order for children not to go crazy like this, they need to be loaded to the maximum: several clubs right after school - extra. classes, homework for school and sleep, i.e. There is no time left for hysterics at all. I personally am generally against this approach; it is not suitable for all children, but it seems that this is just your case.

In principle, there is nothing critical here, at this age this often occurs, and you are doing the right thing by trying different methods. Go see a specialist, of course, but you probably won’t need sedatives. Expressed interests may not appear, so he himself does not know what he wants. Your task is to help him orient himself, watch closely, grope and try different activities, but non-violently, i.e. if it’s clear that he completely rejects kickboxing, maybe there’s no need to try more sections, there are a lot of them. What does he do, for example? free time, besides the computer and cartoons? What is he playing with in the yard? What does he do in school lessons if he is not studying? It’s difficult to do nothing every day for 45 minutes straight, he has to do something during this time) Maybe he secretly painted all the desks there? This means he is creative)) Well, unobtrusively show your example. If you require your child to be busy with something, you also should not show him that you spend the entire evening in front of the TV.

You can additionally study in the necessary school subjects. As I understand it, he is good at mathematics? If yes, that’s great, let him do more of it, logic, simple computer science, they just develop attentiveness well. In many schools they really teach very boringly and quickly (I didn’t have time to understand - the problem is yours and your parents’). What exactly does he complain about, how do teachers and classmates bother him?

Show your child that learning can be done through play. And if he HIMSELF evaluates that he is good at something, it is very likely that he will begin to try harder in this subject at school.

I had several similar students. There, the situation was saved by an endless number of clubs, lessons in an informal form (i.e. somewhere you can get distracted and draw a little on the topic, remember suitable situations from your favorite cartoons, solve a problem with the help of his toys, etc.) and rigor parents. A child can be slack in front of anyone, but parents must be an authority. Remember, maybe there were cases when you threatened punishment and did not implement it, did not fulfill some promises, then you shout for bad marks, then you let them get away with it, etc. This should not happen, the child should see consistency in your actions.

Zarevna 22 Mar 2017

VeraShvedova 22 Mar 2017

The child effectively gets his way - tantrums are a time-tested method of intimidating parents and forcing them to bend. There is no neurology here, but there is reincarnation according to the Stanislavsky system. Naturally, everything is done unconsciously by the child.

In higher primates (chimpanzees, our closest relatives), “nervous breakdowns” with the destruction of everything and everyone and wild hysterics are generally the main way of gaining and maintaining dominance. A child, as an immature and financially dependent creature, has only this at his disposal - and dominance is needed so that adults do what he, the king (child), wants.

The only thing that can be done is to make such behavior unprofitable for the son.

I would remove the computer altogether - for a child’s detox (the computer is broken, the provider has changed, the new one is very expensive, etc.). Computer addiction is already evident - even though you limit it, but his life is from computer to computer. Like an alcoholic, you need to cut it off completely.

Don't do homework with him at all. From the word absolutely - his life - his lessons, his problems. Why should he bother now? This is all for mom and dad, he doesn’t need it himself. But when you let the matter go calmly, after telling him that people without education are often forced to earn their living by cleaning other people’s dirty toilets, then the boy will understand that he has freedom - but freedom has a price. He can neglect his lessons - he will face shame in front of his classmates, ridicule from the teacher, and parents who will not buy candy and a toy because they do not deal with slobs and quitters. And let him be hysterical as much as he likes, pour yourself some coffee, sit down with a magazine to relax and read. The main idea is that you are a lion, he is a hamster. A Leo will never be enraged by a hamster's tantrums. Don't raise your voice.

Provide consequences - the diary will bring a full of twos - ice cream, desserts, goodies, games, friendly conversations are cancelled. You have nothing to discuss with quitters and slobs.

After walking like this for a week “in freedom” and throwing hysterics to your heart’s content, your smart and intellectual strong child realizes that doing homework means fewer problems. And he will start making them himself. The practice of doing homework with a child is generally vicious - it corrupts the smart and ruins the fools - because until the 10th grade the parent will not be able to do everything with the child anyway, that is, there will be a crisis. And now it’s much easier to teach yourself to be independent.

Does he have toys? Is there plenty of lego? is there a railway road? model cars? tap? let him play with it.

anime man 22 Mar 2017

Take in another child from the orphanage. Better a girl, younger than your son.

BellKo 22 Mar 2017

How is it that there are no interests? Have you tried offering different classes? Take me to different clubs? Precisely teaching how to do something? Or even play board games with the whole family? Did he choose the same sport or did you? If the sport is boring or doesn’t work out, why not try another sport? You don’t want to make him a kickboxer, so why persist? In fact, any sport is good purely for health, activity, an interesting pastime, as long as you enjoy it. They can be changed at least 2 times a year, maybe it will stop at something. It seems to me that in order for a child to develop a serious interest in something, he needs to be offered so much so that he can choose, and also present it in an interesting way. Moreover, you need to teach how to do different things, maybe even by example. Well, let’s say, in order for a child to become interested in reading, you yourself need to read a lot, including for him - a lot of interesting, high-quality literature. You can also safely involve your child in serious household chores, especially those that dad does. If the dad doesn’t do anything, then what are the claims against the child?)

About your rewards with clouds and sunshine. You know, this is for kindergarten, well, maximum for 1st grade as stickers instead of grades.. Well, what boy needs clouds at 8 years old? What is the encouragement? They would like Lego, a cool toy, new game download, go somewhere interesting. Yes, there is a material issue here, but you can reward him, say, once a week and in little things (for achievements). Maybe he will become interested in collecting - now there are so many thematic magazines, you want tanks, you want airplanes, you want anatomy, you want insects, dinosaurs and minerals (all this is not so expensive, you can afford it once a week for sure). Models are included with the releases, internal organs, insects, and in short, so much crap that it makes your eyes wander. Just for a child to become interested, you need to buy one thing, then another, sit with him to figure out what’s what, read, then in the process he will become interested in something, his life will become interesting. In principle, with money in the piggy bank you can reward for A's, for example, and fine for D's. So it’s possible for 5-10 rubles. and save up for a cool toy with some persistence. In short, this is all to say that in order to be able to reward and punish, you need to start with interests, so that the child has something that he values, what he is afraid of losing and what he wants to gain.

About the hysterics. Firstly, perhaps he demands attention to himself in this way. Yes, there is nothing to praise here for, you need to punish, but punish exactly the above, i.e. Again, you need to start with developing interests and hobbies and spending time together. How do many parents think? I bought him paints, books and toys - let him sit and study. So, maybe he doesn’t know how to draw and doesn’t have the inclination. Maybe the books are not the right ones, too complex or too childish, on the wrong topic. Complex ones need to be read together, of course. Maybe he is tired of toys, because the child is gradually growing up, and he can already choose a hobby that is relatively mature. Secondly, perhaps studying now seems boring because it has actually become more difficult? What happened in first grade? Some kind of bullshit. But the further you go, the more difficult it will be. So, maybe you really need help, clarification, control?

In general, something like this. Perhaps it turned out chaotic. It just always boggles my mind how, with the modern variety of opportunities, a child can have no interests other than computers. games. At 9, of course, mine is also obsessed with Minecraft, but he has always had plenty of hobbies and they change periodically. Either dinosaurs or insects. Accordingly, I collected figurines and insects under pieces of glass, read magazines, books, and drew all this. I went to robotics, then to radio electronics (books and everything I needed immediately appeared in the house). Now he goes to an entertaining chemistry class, so my husband has to show him the chemistry class. experiments, scientific videos, etc., I was even happy about the periodic table on the wall. His soul is not in love with music and the arts, so why rape a child. Well, the sport was changed several times. In short, choose what suits him best and then build a system of rewards and punishments, otherwise there won’t be enough imagination for anything other than shouting and “slapping the butt.”

But that's what they're depriving of cartoons... The child also gets tired - at least morally... You watch TV after a bad day at work. That's..

Smirina 22 Mar 2017

Here is my opinion: 1) consultation with a specialist (you just need to find a reliable one) is mandatory, you need to make sure that there are no organic disorders; 2) stop “building” the child for a while, telling him that everyone needs to think about how to live further, and they need to think in a calm environment (“Don’t shout, please, you’re disturbing me from thinking, go play calmly.”);

3) in my opinion, the reason for such rejection of school is that the child has formed the idea that studying at school is interesting, exciting and not difficult. This show collapsed under pressure modern techniques education, which does not stand up to any criticism, and the child is indignant and protests against the system (if this is so, then the boy is simply unique in his personal qualities, such people grow into outstanding figures. And you are driving him into some kind of framework, where an ordinary child cannot comfortable!).

If I'm right, then we urgently need to change schools. There are options here, it all depends on the capabilities.

The main thing that parents should do now is to forget about everything except the interests of their son. We must think only from the position of a child! Otherwise, you can end up with a neurosthenic person who, already at the age of 8, has become disillusioned with people (parents in the first place), and with justice, and with life in general. Do you need it?

Eliza 22 Mar 2017

Hello, my son is 8 years old, he goes to the second grade, our schooling began with straight A’s, he finds it really easy to study, problems with solving problems, examples, etc. have never arisen; it’s more difficult with the desire to learn. Lately, his studies have gotten worse and worse, he writes sloppily, and is simply lazy. You can decide everything on a test and simply forget to write the answer out of carelessness. The teacher complains that he is not interested in anything, doesn’t want anything, can sit through the entire lesson without a notebook and not even ask for a piece of paper. At home it’s the same, there are simply no interests other than the computer. I’m interested, I ask him what he wants, what he likes, it’s useless. My husband and I allow him to play on the computer for 1 hour a day, we have developed a bunch of our own methods of motivation)) We cut out clouds and suns for him for good and bad behavior, then at the end of the week we counted and rewarded him. He goes to kickboxing, but the only name he goes to is that we force him, there is no zeal. Previously, we shouted at him, but we realized that it did not work, now we have taken the position of calmly explaining to him in an even voice that he is wrong. There were terrible hysterics, for example, I wrote it sloppily, they asked me to rewrite it again, and away we go. It started just when we stopped screaming. HE can yell in a voice that is not his own, hit himself in the face, roll on the floor, and this can drag on for an hour. Homework has turned into torture, he gets distracted, goes out to drink some water, eats something, sometimes stares out the window, sometimes plays with the typewriter, and ends up sitting at the table for 3-4 hours screaming that he’s tired, but his homework remains unfinished, in the end it’s time to wash and goes to bed, he is left without a computer and cartoons, and again he is hysterical. The husband begins to explain to him, I ask you to sit down and finish the task, he continues to yell, then the husband says, if you don’t sit down now, I will punish you (we punish physical exercise, push-ups, squats, etc.), he continues to be hysterical, in the end his husband punishes him and he screams, why should I do anything, I’ve already been punished anyway. We've already read a ton of literature, nothing works. If your son goes to bed a little later on the weekend than usual, gets up at night to go to the toilet and runs all over the apartment, cries and cannot understand where to go, you have to get up and lead him by the hand to the toilet, sometimes he never makes it. Now the situation is complicated by the fact that the youngest daughter, she is 2.5 years old, began to copy his behavior, directly repeats him and it just leads me to a dead end, I understand that in any situation the parents are to blame and it is themselves who need to change, not the child, but something... then our attempts do not bring results and this gives up. Tell me which of us should take the sedative, my husband and I or my son)))

My friend’s daughter behaved similarly. As lessons - immediately hysterics, and such terrible ones, as you describe, she scratched herself, beat herself. Overall the sweetest girl.

Upon questioning, it turned out that my friend is fixated on grades, yells at the child, does homework with her (this is in the third grade), and while she is at work, the grandmother gives lectures to her granddaughter on the topic “if you study poorly, you will go sweep the streets.”

Put yourself in your son's place. Are you comfortable? Right when you say or answer something to him, imagine that he is you.

From your message I imagined a kind of barracks. Why such strict limits?

What is your son interested in? Besides kickboxing, which you force him to go to, where else does he go?

Why do you think that tantrums should be punished?

Also, you know, of course, that in the third quarter, fatigue among schoolchildren is a normal phenomenon?

In general, there are a lot of questions, but in reality you need to go to a specialist and change your behavior. Your situation is unhealthy.

At 8 years old, tantrums are a very unhealthy thing. My friends whose children are so hysterical do not even have strict parents, but insensitive ones, filled with fears and tension.

VeraShvedova 22 Mar 2017

Neurologists are brain specialists, they prescribe EEG and nootropics, and the child is convinced that his tantrums are a painful manifestation over which he has no control. Parenting advice from a neurologist has the same value as from just a smart passerby. With behavioral problems, they are also sent to a psychiatrist, and the latter is especially not qualified to correct the behavior of a healthy child - for them, wild behavior is equal to a disorder, a disorder is equal to a disease.

What motivates people when they do work they are not interested in? only the understanding that failure to comply will not lead to problems, and immediately - if you hysteria at your boss, you will lose your job and salary, in a month you will find yourself on the street, etc. As long as the child receives not consequences for shirking lessons, but the emotions of the parents, the child will continue to throw tantrums - they work perfectly.

migara 22 Mar 2017

Look for internal contradictions in the family and at school. The child is forced to do something boring and uninteresting, unnecessary, and for a very long time. But I didn’t find it interesting. This is very difficult. And they force me to go to kickboxing. Or maybe he’s just terribly afraid of all this. But I would play football with pleasure or play table tennis.

I remember how, as a child, I was dragged to figure skating (it was fashionable). I didn't love him terribly. It’s cold, the skates are uncomfortable, I’m scared to fall, of course I can’t do much, all this in winter, in the evening in the dark. In general, horror and darkness. I also remember howling and whining and dodging in every possible way.

Look for an activity that will bring him joy, offer it.

You still haven’t talked about the positive qualities of your son, what kind of person he is: choleric, phlegmatic, what he liked to do before school, how he communicates with other children, does he go out a lot?

DevSV 25 Mar 2017

zverka 25 Mar 2017

you will not get an answer to your question because it is clear that tablets from bad behavior does not exist.

And you can’t cope with them without medication.

Any deviation in a child’s behavior of such a hysterical-depressive kind, IMHO, should definitely push parents to visit pediatric neurologist. The sooner treatment begins, the more likely a favorable outcome of the disease is.

Yes, in my opinion, the situation is standard - the child does not have enough attention and he has found something to hook him.

Hm. What about nighttime sleepwalking with loss of orientation leading to incontinence?

VeraShvedova 25 Mar 2017

Vera, there are certain ailments that cannot be treated without medication for children.

Unfortunately, deviations in the functioning of the nervous system and psyche occur not only in adults.

And without drug treatment they cannot be dealt with.

Do you think that only adults experience neuroses and depression?

But the rejection of the existence of children with such illnesses is already a reason for you to think - why is this?)

Is this also due to lack of attention?

But I agree that you should leave the child behind with homework.

I agree that there are organic disorders, cerebral palsy, severe epilepsy, mental retardation - there you can only feel sorry for the child, just like the mother. But for the majority of so-called disorders, including dyslexia, deviant disorders, enuresis (due to often sitting at a tablet and movies for hours since the age of 2 or lack of sleep), ADHD, etc., the medical nature of all these disorders has not been proven at all, and I agree with those neurologists and psychiatrists who consider these disorders to be the result of the influence of family environment and upbringing. The effectiveness of medications is just a theory. In the West, nootropics are not given to children at all, as they are considered ineffective. In Russia, on the contrary, they don’t give Ritalin to children at all - they consider it an amphetamine.

But in principle, I am not against pills - but with a preliminary 24-hour mandatory video diary of family life for a week and with 2 weeks of observation of the child in a Makarenkovsky-type camp with experienced teachers and with the mother not being allowed into the process. Because all this is maternal anxiety, overprotection and incorrect attitudes in the family. The opinion does not belong to me, but to professors and psychiatrists.

and in general, first you need to exclude hysteria as behavior within the normal range - if it doesn’t work out, then you can take it to a neurologist - but when neurologists give parenting advice, mothers sneeze at them, unfortunately

Yes, in my opinion, the situation is standard - the child does not have enough attention and he has found something to hook him.

Look, in the second year, a child who understands something will not be left behind for unfinished homework. Leave him alone with these lessons. It’s better to all play Monopoly or something interesting together board game. He needs your and your husband’s personal attention. Not by the way, between other things, but just to concentrate on him. I assure you, in 2-3 weeks he will start doing these bullshit homework himself.

And take it from kickboxing. There people hone their skills and develop strength and endurance. Routine, in a word. Take your baby to do something commanding. In addition to routine, there is also intrigue and relationships in the team.

mom Yana 25 Mar 2017

8 years old is too early for kickboxing

VeraShvedova 25 Mar 2017

8 years old is too early for kickboxing

There is only one method against hysterics - not paying attention.

mom Yana 25 Mar 2017

When I was 4, when I tried to teach us hysterics with a roar, I smiled, called him a bear cub and showed him the video “Vasya Pazhetnov and the bear cubs” on YouTube - in it, little hungry bear cubs growl very funny, like little devils. And I didn’t pay attention at all, as if there was a wild bear cub at home - what to take from him, they say. Since then, after several more attempts, the hysterics have subsided.

Most mothers do not pay attention, and most children, by the age of 8, abandon this method of influencing parents as ineffective.

VeraShvedova 25 Mar 2017

I didn’t throw tantrums, but my niece lived with me (he and my youngest are the same age), so she loved this thing)

As soon as the hysteria began, we went into another room and started playing something interesting with mine. after 5 minutes the screams stopped and the sly face peeked at what we were all doing)) after another 5 minutes it joined us as if nothing had happened))

Inexperienced parents believe that tears and screams are characteristic only of very young children. This behavior is also normal for nine-year-old schoolchildren who are experiencing a second crisis. It is important for parents to hold their child and help him go through the next stage of personality development.

Causes of child aggression at 9 years old

The causes of aggression can be very different: family conflicts, adult games, frequent TV watching, somatic illnesses.

It is imperative to respond to such behavior. You can show rigor and rigidity. This option can calm down a completely uncontrollable schoolchild at the age of 9. But under no circumstances be aggressive or raise your voice. Your confidence in the rightness and calm will play in your favor.

If children's aggression is random and rare, then leniency should be shown. As soon as the baby calms down, find out with him the reasons for aggressive behavior and eliminate them.

What to do if your child is often hysterical?

Of course, no parent wants to see children's tantrums. However, they happen even to nine-year-olds. Screams and tears are a signal that the child is tired. Give him a chance to rest.

At this age, you should not overload children with additional clubs and sports sections. Daytime naps and daily outdoor play are still important to them.

If hysterics do not stop from the age of five, it means that the child is already manipulating adults with might and main and does it quite successfully. Reconsider your parenting methods; it will be difficult to change the existing relationship. Do this gradually, but calmly and confidently, so that children's tantrums disappear.

Naughty child at 9 years old: what should parents do?

At the age of 9, schoolchildren face a second age crisis. It is because of this that children's behavior changes, children become disobedient and uncontrollable. What to do with such children? The main thing is to be calm and not get annoyed with children. It’s very difficult for them now. Spend more time with your son or daughter, trust them to independently carry out tasks that are important to them. To improve children's behavior, it is advisable to follow a daily schedule, have family traditions and unquestioned rules of life.

How to solve the problem of children's deceptions?

If you understand that your child has begun to deceive you often, you need to think about why he is doing this. Children's deception is a consequence of mental or mental discomfort. The schoolboy does not know what to do and begins to tell not the truth, but fictitious stories. Perhaps this happens due to strict and unfounded punishments, due to a lack of parental affection, or due to praise and encouragement only for significant children's successes. Carefully determine the reason for the deception and prove that you can be trusted in any situation.

Very often, children of this age lie for no reason; they simply pass off their fantasies as reality. In this case, do not rush to punish the student, direct his imagination in the right direction. For example, start writing down children's fairy tales.

How to respond to child theft?

Has your child appropriated someone else's item and you don't know how to react? Remember that this deviation is common in children aged nine. This is due to adolescence. If you find someone else's item, if possible, return it to the owner. Tell your child that such actions are prohibited and punishable.

Under no circumstances should you threaten your child, punish him corporally, or discuss the situation with strangers. This attitude can depress a student; he will stop trusting you or start stealing to spite you.

Only through conversations and a good attitude towards your child, regardless of his actions, can you explain to him what is good and what is bad.

Children from one year to three years often become hysterical, and this behavior worries parents. A child’s overly emotional reaction, during which he cries loudly, screams, and sometimes tears out his hair, has reasons. If you know them and react correctly to an excited state, hysterics in a 3-year-old child can be prevented. Advice from psychologists will help parents cope with the problem.

A hysterical attack or hysteria, as it is popularly called, is an excited state during which a child sobs loudly, screams, stamps his feet, and throws things around. A hysteria can begin with crying, turn into laughter and end with convulsions. A hysterical attack occurs when a child cannot cope with the grievances or emotions that have arisen. Hysteria occurs involuntarily and is expressed by characteristic symptoms.

Signs of a hysterical attack:

• loud screaming without any demands;
• impaired perception of the reality of the outside world;
• motor activity (throwing things around, stamping feet, rolling on the floor, scratching the face, punching);
• low pain threshold;
• prolonged and loud sobbing and sobbing;
• laughter;
• convulsions;
• loss of consciousness;
• exhausted state at the very end.

Typically, young children resort to tantrums to get their parents' attention. However, there are other reasons for this condition. It must be remembered that hysteria is natural. After all, their nervous system is still imperfect, and they cannot say in words what they want.

It is necessary to distinguish hysterics from children's whims. A capricious baby cries and screams specifically in the presence of adults, wanting to get a toy, candy, or attract attention from them. Whims have their own reasons - this is how children show character and strive to defend their “I”.

Whims and hysterics cause a lot of trouble for parents. However, you need to remember that soon everything will pass and the baby’s condition will return to normal. The child will soon learn to express his feelings in words and say what he wants. True, for now you need to be patient and learn to respond adequately to the baby’s excited state. After all, if he is raised incorrectly, it will be impossible to get rid of hysterics in the future.

Causes of hysteria in children from 1 to 6 years old

Between the ages of one and six years, children often experience tantrums. They do not appear out of nowhere. Outwardly, hysterical attacks appear spontaneous, but they have their own reasons. One year old baby He may cry if his mother does not change his wet pants in time, and he may become hysterical if he wants to get the toy he wants.

The most common causes of hysteria:

• desire to attract the attention of adults;
• inability to express your dissatisfaction in words;
• resentment, indignation;
• the desire to get something from adults;
• feeling of hunger, overwork;
• general painful condition during any illness;
• reaction to pain;
• the child’s action went unnoticed and he wants approval;
• weakness of the nervous system, vulnerable psyche.

A child under 1 to 2 years of age will have tantrums if he wants to eat, drink, sleep, or has a stomach ache. Children can sob for a long time even after their wish has been granted and there is no reason to cry. If your baby has wet tights or is very tired after playing for a long time, he may also become hysterical.

How older child, the more consciously he experiences hysterical attacks. Children begin to understand that their crying forces their parents to respond to their wishes. Little manipulators begin to deliberately throw tantrums when they want to express disagreement or protest.

The transitional and turning point in the physiological and psycho-emotional development of a child occurs at 3 years. At this age, children are hysterical when they want to insist on their own. The offspring deliberately acts to spite the parents: they ask him to get dressed, but he undresses, or they call him, and he runs away. By doing this, children do not want to anger their parents. They simply do not know how to compromise and do not know any other way to achieve desired result. Children at this age are touchy and vindictive. Sometimes they deliberately torment adults with their crying when they want to take revenge on them for something.

If his parents spoiled him too much. At this age, children can already explain in words what they want. If instead of explaining they throw a tantrum, it means they want to force adults to act in their interests by any means possible. Parents, wanting to calm a capricious child, follow the lead small manipulator and they do everything the way he wants.

If at an older age a child very often falls into hysterics without any reason, it means that his nervous system is too weak. In a state of nervous attack, children choke from crying, turn red, start vomiting, have convulsions, and fall to the floor from exhaustion or loss of consciousness. In such cases, you need to contact a pediatrician or neurologist.

How to prevent the development of hysteria?

If adults want to cope with hysteria, they need to carefully monitor the baby's behavior and emotional state and try to prevent screaming and crying. It is impossible to completely stop a child from hysterical behavior. However, the frequency of hysterical attacks can be reduced.

How to prevent hysteria:

• feed the baby on time, adhere to the daily routine, avoid overtiredness, put him to bed during the day;
• prepare the baby for the upcoming new situation, interest him with a toy or a promise to buy something;
• understand what your daughter or son wants, respond to his wishes in a timely manner (give him something to eat, change his wet tights);
• give the child more freedom, allow him to choose his own clothes and food for breakfast;
• Spend more time with your baby, love him, read fairy tales, play games with him.

Parents are able to prevent the development of hysterics in their baby, because they are the main people in the child’s life. His whims at this age are always driven by the desire to attract the attention of adults or force them to act in their interests.

How should adults respond to hysteria?

If a child has a hysterical attack, parents cannot help but react to it. Often adults start shouting at children and even hitting them, which is strictly prohibited. There are many ways to help a child calm down.

How to behave correctly for parents during a child's tantrum:

• keep the baby busy with an interesting toy, switch his attention to some exciting activity;
• avoid moments of crisis, do not feed unloved porridge, do not wear an ugly hat;
• do not shout, do not argue, do not explain, do not persuade, but ignore screams and crying;
• go to another room, because hysteria “loves” the audience;
• ask the child what he wants;
• patiently endure children's whims and try not to break down;
• do not scream, but feel sorry for the baby, pat him on the head and sympathize.

Baby crying has its reasons; it occurs if Small child offended by something, disagree with something, or not receive something. When the baby is in an offended state, you should not shout at him, because this can only aggravate the situation and harm the child’s psyche. The child is unable to understand that adults act in his interests. Parents should calm the baby and caress him as quickly as possible.

Experienced psychotherapists know how to cope with children's whims and hysterical attacks. Experts have been observing children's behavior for many years. They know what to do in a crisis situation. Advice from psychologists will help parents cope with hysterical attacks in children. Experts in the field of child psychology recommend that adults do not panic, pull themselves together, and act consistently and in the interests of the child.

How to deal with hysteria:

1. Ask your baby why he is crying. If the child does not yet know how to speak or does not know what to answer, take him in your arms and calm him down.
2. Find out the reason for children's crying. If the baby does not want to eat oatmeal, offer him semolina. If he is wet, change him into dry underwear.
3. If a child is hysterical because he wants to new toy, you need to divert his attention to another subject.
4. If the hysteria is caused by a desire to take revenge on adults, you must ignore the child's crying and go to another room. The baby will calm down when he realizes that there is no one to act out the play.
5. If the child’s demands are unfounded, you cannot give in to him or meet his wishes. It is better to try to distract the baby from the object or situation that caused the crying. It is necessary to transfer his attention to another object.

During a hysteria, there is no point in proving or explaining anything to the child. He is too nervous to understand what adults are telling him or to calm down quickly. The child should cry, after a while he will get tired of crying and become calm.

What to do after a tantrum?

If the baby's hysterical attack has passed and he has calmed down, you can talk to him. Parents must make it clear to the child that he is behaving incorrectly. You need to calmly talk to the baby and find out why he was crying. During the conversation, adults should say that they still love their child, but his behavior is very upsetting to them.

Parents need to teach their baby to behave correctly in a situation during which he wants to cry. Adults, using specific examples, should show the child how to behave. For example, if a baby wants a banana, he should tell his mother about it, but not cry. If he wants to go outside, he must also tell his parents about his desire.

If the child’s wishes are clear, but adults cannot fulfill them, it is necessary to promise the child some kind of alternative. For example, if he wants a fire truck, you can promise to buy him this toy later, somewhere next week, or offer him a robot policeman instead.

Well-known pediatrician Evgeny Komarovsky recommends that parents not show their children that they are touched by a child’s crying. only for those adults who respond to their cries and do whatever they want or ask. The child will not become hysterical in front of washing machine or TV, he cries only for mom and dad when he wants to achieve something from them.

It is not recommended to appease a child's crying with gifts. The baby will understand that with the help of tears he can achieve anything and will begin to cry regularly. Evgeny Komarovsky does not advise giving in to the whims of the baby. Parents should not let him manipulate them.

Adults must act in solidarity. If dad said “no,” mom or grandma should have the same opinion. You cannot teach a child to achieve what he wants by testing the strength of the nerves of all relatives.

According to Evgeniy Komarovsky, during a hysteria, you need to put the child in a playpen or other safe place and leave the room. The baby will cry for a while, but when he realizes that he is alone and no one can hear him, he will calm down. After all, the performance is designed for spectators.

True, this method of dealing with children's whims requires parents to have nerves of steel. Not every mother can calmly listen to a child's cry. A little time will pass and the child will understand at the level of reflexes that as soon as he screams, he is left alone and the situation worsens. The baby will restrain himself and behave calmly.

How to punish a child after 4 years?

If children continue to be hysterical after four years, psychologists recommend punishing them. At this age, the baby understands that he is behaving incorrectly. However, he deliberately torments his parents and those around him with his whims.

How to punish a child:

• yell at him;
• threaten that he will be left without sweets and that they won’t buy him a toy;
• because of bad behavior, prohibit him from watching cartoons;
• put the baby in a corner, after explaining to him why he is being punished.

You cannot beat, insult a child or give him funny, offensive nicknames, for example, saying that he is a crybaby. In this way, you can cause serious harm to the child’s fragile psyche. Subsequently, he will become aggressive or, conversely, withdraw into himself. As an adult, he may develop complexes, and all because in childhood he lacked parental affection and love.

In what cases should you contact a psychologist?

All parents can cope with children's hysteria on their own. You just need to control yourself, not shout at the crying baby and not rush to fulfill all his whims.

It is necessary to seek help from a child psychologist in the following cases:

• hysterical seizures occur regularly several times a day;
• after an attack, the baby develops shortness of breath, vomiting, convulsions, loses consciousness, and becomes sleepy;
• the child injures himself and others;
• The child develops phobias and has nightmares.

By the age of four, children should stop hysterical behavior. At this age, they already know how to speak, and can express their dissatisfaction with words or explain to adults what they want. If a four-year-old baby still cries and screams, it means he has a nervous disorder that requires treatment from a specialist.

Preventing hysterics

We should try to prevent hysterical seizures in children. It is important not to bring the situation to the point of screaming and crying. You should know in advance in what cases the baby will become capricious, and try to avoid such moments. If your child always cries in a children's toy store, you should avoid visiting such establishments. If the baby starts to get hysterical when his mother is talking to someone on the street, you need to keep him busy playing in the sandbox or invite him to ride the carousel, and then talk with his friends.

Methods for preventing children's tantrums:

• do not overtire the baby, dose physical activity, put him to bed on time;
• allow watching only calm ones, in which there are no frightening special effects;
• do not allow grandmothers to spoil the child and indulge all his whims;
• carefully monitor the child’s reaction, if he begins to whine, quickly find out what is the reason for the dissatisfaction;
• teach your baby to play with dolls or cars, so he will be constantly busy;
• give the baby freedom, allow him to dress and comb his hair independently;
• Before putting your child to bed, turning off the TV or taking him out of the sandbox, you need to warn him about this several times;
• Spend as much time as possible with the baby, play with him, caress him, love him and take care of him.

However, if a child, despite all the parents’ efforts, begins to become hysterical, it is necessary to calm him down and pretend that his tears will not change the adults’ decision. If you react to your baby's crying the way he expects, wants and desires, the number of hysterics will only increase. Little children will always try to get what they want through tears.

However, we must remember that no child can do without crying. With the help of screams and tears, the baby expresses his emotions. After all, in infancy, he still cannot tell what he doesn’t like or somehow cope with a situation that is unpleasant for him. True, at this age the child does not yet know how to objectively assess the environment or situation and make informed decisions. Parents should not fulfill all the wishes of the child, because many of them can harm him.

When raising children, you need to be patient. Before punishing a child, you should think carefully about everything. Any wrong action by parents can cause irreparable harm to the child’s psyche. Problems in child behavior may arise later, e.g. school age or in adult life. If you raise a child correctly, based on the recommendations of psychologists, many difficulties can be avoided.

If, nevertheless, childhood problems were “covered up”, forgotten, and later developed into serious psychological problems of an adult, urgently consult a specialist. Psychologist-hypnologist