Hello, readers and guests of my blog!
Let's continue the conversation about children's fears. I am very pleased that this topic is of interest to readers and I receive a lot of comments on the posts. Thank you! This post turned out to be long, very long in my opinion. How do you feel about long posts? If we talk about myself, it’s easier for me to perceive not a lot of information, especially such serious information. Your opinion is important to me - what volume of a post is easier to perceive? I will be glad to see your answers.
So, about the fears of children 5-6 years old. Before talking about what worries children at this age, it is important to know the developmental situation (in psychology, a certain age is associated with the developmental situation - with what is happening to the child, what is developing, etc.).


Let me remind you that I discuss the issues of children's fears using the book Evgeniy Chekh I'm scared. Tell me a story. If you want, buy it - you won't regret it!

In children in the sixth year of life, mental processes remain involuntary; it is difficult for them to control their attention. Thought processes develop. Now the child can think about objects and phenomena that go beyond the real situation.
An idea of ​​reversible and irreversible processes is formed. For example, a baby understands that an adult cannot become a child, but a child can become an adult. However, at this stage the child is not yet able to distinguish between reality and fantasy.
The basis of speech is usually formed by this age. Now the child is able to talk about his experiences and discoveries. With the help of speech, he can, by asking a question, get permission to his doubts or take a new step in his knowledge of the world. This age is called the age of why.
There is a need for communication. It is no longer enough for the baby to have only his mother and his immediate environment. He seeks contact with peers.
It turned out to be a wonderful picture. Your baby makes a huge leap in his development at this age. Where do fears come from? And fears are a logical continuation of growth.
Fear of death and taboo topics. We say that the child is already able to think about time, to comprehend the irreversibility of what is happening. And what does he learn about this? That people are not immortal. That he too, oh horror, will die someday. And that this can happen in a huge number of ways and at any moment. A person can suddenly get sick and die. A person can be run over by a car, of which there are countless numbers everywhere. A person can be killed by a robber or an enemy if there is military action. And so on and so forth. There is something to panic about! Most fears of this age are associated with the fear of death. And that's quite normal, it's part of growing up.
Anya, 6 years old, was brought to a consultation by her worried mother. “Something wrong is happening to Anya. She scares me. Constantly barks stupid questions about death and the other world. It will ask if and when we will all die. Then he wonders where people go when they die. I distract her this way and that, it doesn’t work. He repeats his questions from this series - and that’s it. This is clearly a sign of psychological distress!”
Psychodiagnostics, however, did not show any psychological distress. And the girl did not encounter the fact of death in any form. Anya talked about her friend in kindergarten, who “enlightened” her on the topic of human mortality, heaven and hell. After my mother calmly and without going into special details answered Anya’s questions, the topic of Anya’s death was no longer discussed.
Of course, there is always an impetus for research on a certain topic. But if it weren’t for such an enlightened friend, Anya would have drawn food for thought from the surrounding reality or TV. There are topics on which we are happy to give comprehensive explanations to the child. There are others that we carefully avoid. We don’t know how to explain some things, we feel embarrassed, we are afraid of hurting the child with a careless word. By pretending that certain topics do not exist, we also expect the child to play by our rules. Among such themes are the theme of birth and the theme of death. Some parents go so far as to respond to children's question They answer: “There is no such word!” or

"I don't know!" What do we hope for? That the child will never receive an answer from other sources? Or will he forget? What if the child, without receiving a clear explanation, comes up with the missing information himself? This is a wide field for cultivating fears. Judge for yourself, if a mother reacts with fear or nervousness to a simple question, then it’s really scary! On the other hand, forbidden fruit... what? Absolutely right - very sweet! I'm so drawn to him! That is, by avoiding we achieve just the opposite - we attract the child’s attention to a forbidden topic. So, if we want to help a child get through this difficult stage of growing up, we will have to work a little.

To do this, you can perform the following exercises.

First of all, we need to understand what is the taboo topic (or topics) in your family?

We often become so successful at avoiding an unpleasant topic that we stop noticing it ourselves. Take your time. Remember: what did your why asked?

Did he always get answers to his questions?

What child’s questions remain unanswered?

Were there questions that annoyed you or were unpleasant?

Can you tell why this happens:

1. Don’t you know how to explain complex philosophical questions at a level accessible to a child?”

2. Are you afraid to even think about this topic?

4. You don’t know the answer yourself?

5. No time?

6. Another reason? Which? Write down your answers.

So, have you managed to identify your taboo topic or topics? If you have identified what specific difficulties you have when answering children's questions, we can specifically develop an action plan to overcome them.

1. If you simply don’t know how to explain complex issues at a level that a child can understand, you can:

Find out what the specialists offer this issue. Today there are a large number of books for reading together, with children or children on issues of human birth, love, jealousy, etc. However, be sure to read the book first yourself before offering it to your child. It may happen that the author's interpretation will lead you, to put it mildly, into confusion.

Think about what explanation would satisfy you if you were your child's age.

Compose a fairy tale for your child, which tells in a figurative form about issues that interest the child.

In relation to the taboo topic you discovered, do a little research on the book market, as well as the library’s offerings

If you find a book that you would love to read with your little one, buy it (or borrow it from the library) and do it. Don’t forget to talk to your child about what you read after you finish reading. What did he like, what didn’t, what remained unclear? Answer the questions that arise.

If you cannot find a suitable book, rely on your own memories and imagination. Try to remember how you yourself, at the age of your baby, came to understand this topic. What helped or hindered you then? What explanation would satisfy you then? Formulate such an explanation on paper first. If you are not happy with something, make changes. Now you can convey your answer to the baby. Encourage him to ask questions if he doesn't understand something. Answer his questions.

2. If you find that the reason for the existence of a topic that is taboo for a child is your own fear, you will have to work on yourself. Let's figure out what exactly you are afraid of and why. You may have to think back to your childhood. Usually then we receive basic instructions, which we then follow throughout our lives without realizing it. Indeed, having learned, for example, to read, we no longer think about what letter it is, we just automatically read. It’s the same with information about the laws of the universe: we once received a signal that this cannot be done, and we follow it automatically.

3. Are you afraid that if your child finds out the truth, it might traumatize him?

The child will learn the truth in any case. The only question is from whom and in what form. In addition, by refusing to talk to your child about a taboo topic, you are also missing the opportunity to show him that he can rely on you in any matter. If you later discover that your baby is hiding something from you, don’t be surprised.

Isn’t it better to muster up the courage and answer the child’s questions yourself in a form that suits both the child and you? If you're not sure, ask a friend for advice. Often you can see better from the outside. And of course, consulting a specialist would be an even better help.

4. You don’t know the answer yourself? Well, then the children's question is a good reason to fill the gaps in education. This is not to mention that. that you, at a minimum, care about maintaining a close relationship with your child.

5. Well, the last one on the list, but not in terms of frequency of occurrence, the reason is there is no time. You are not alone. Almost every father and every mother is loaded to the limit with solving daily household, financial, and production problems. And for every parent, the well-being of their baby is important. I never tire of calling: please don’t forget that the baby’s well-being lies not only in the absence of hunger and cold. No less important is what happens in the soul little man. And you can see this by the child’s mood and the questions he asks. Moreover, you won’t need much of your time. The most detailed answer will not take you more than five minutes. I think your baby's serene smile will be worth it.

6. If you discover other reasons for the emergence of taboo topics in your communication with your child, try, by analogy with the issues discussed, to find a solution yourself. Your efforts will be rewarded

. are awarded.

Fear of ridicule, isolation, loneliness. At the age of 5-6 years another one appears, special group fears This is the fear that your peers will laugh at you or will not accept you into their group, will not recognize you as one of their own. The peculiarity of this group of fears is that these are not abstract fears, like the fear of the dark, for example. This is the fear of a specific situation that could happen to me when communicating with other people. He talks about the child entering a new stage of development. The baby has a need to communicate with peers. And along with the need comes the fear of not being able to satisfy it - of not being accepted, of being alone. Of course, each of us, wanting something very much, but having no experience, doubts our abilities and worries. What if it doesn't work out? What if I'm worse than others? What if they don’t want to hang out with me? What if I'm alone all my life? A careless word spoken by an adult in the heat of the moment can add fuel to the fire, as a result of which the child’s fears are confirmed and reinforced. And these are no longer just fears, but persistent fear - fear of ridicule, isolation, loneliness.

An example from the practice of Evgenia Chekh. Andryusha is 5 years old. He has never gone to kindergarten. But he really wants to. More precisely, I wanted to. Because as soon as he found out that such an opportunity had arisen and that starting next week he could attend kindergarten, he flatly refused to go there. The parents are confused. We tried to find out the reason. Mom says: “I explained to Andryusha that if it turns out that the teaching is bad, or that he doesn’t like it there, or doesn’t want to sleep in the kindergarten, or the children hurt him, we’ll take him home right away. Not at all!”

First of all, pay attention, it’s interesting that my mother is persuading me to go to kindergarten. If this is a place where you may find bad teachers, where you are forced to sleep (and most likely, they force you to do something else), where you may not like it and where children can offend you, a completely legitimate question arises: why go there at all? This is about the question of how we ourselves instill fears in our children.

Secondly, shortly before the events in question, Andryusha and his parents went to visit, where a whole group of children gathered, about the same age as Andryusha. Unfortunately, the evening was ruined, as soon Andryusha, with tears in his eyes, demanded that they go home because the children refused to accept him into their game. After all the persuasion proved fruitless, I had to leave. And my mother said in her hearts: “So you will never learn to play with children!” The verdict was passed and was happily forgotten. But not Andryusha.

It took some psychotherapeutic work before Andryusha believed in his ability to establish contacts with people. It is quite natural that Andryusha, having no experience of interacting with a children's team, was afraid whether he would succeed. These doubts were compounded by a failure at the birthday celebration. This situation should have been sorted out and the conflict resolved while we were away. But my mother’s conclusion cemented the boy’s opinion about himself and his abilities. If mom thinks so, there’s no point in trying.

This is an interesting and very responsible age.

Thank you for reading this long post to the end! I hope in your comments you will share your examples of fears of children 5-6 years old and your personal fears at this age.

Fears in children from 5 to 7 years old

One of the characteristic features of senior preschool age is the intensive development of abstract thinking, the search for answers to the questions: “Where did everything come from?”, “Why do people live?”

At this age, the experience of interpersonal relationships is formed, based on the child’s ability to accept and play roles, anticipate and plan the actions of another, understand his feelings and intentions. Relationships with people become more flexible, versatile and at the same time purposeful. A system of values ​​(value orientations), a sense of home, kinship, and an understanding of the importance of family for procreation are formed. Until the age of 5, boys can solemnly declare to their mother their desire to marry her when they grow up, and girls can marry their father. From 5 to 8 years old they “get married” or “get married” mainly to peers, thus reproducing in game situation form of adult relationships. In general, children of senior preschool age are characterized by sociability and the need for friendship. Noticeable dominance in the group kindergarten communication with peers of the same sex, acceptance among whom is essential for self-affirmation and adequate self-esteem.

6-year-old children have already developed an understanding that in addition to good, kind and sympathetic parents, there are also bad ones. The bad ones are not only those who treat the child unfairly, but also those who quarrel and cannot find agreement among themselves. We find reflection in the typical age-related fears of devils as violators of social rules and established foundations, and at the same time as representatives of the other world. Obedient children who have experienced the age-specific feeling of guilt when violating the rules and regulations of authority figures that are significant to them are more susceptible to the fear of devils.

At the age of 5, transient obsessive repetitions of “indecent” words are characteristic; at the age of 6, children are overcome by anxiety and doubts about their future: “What if I’m not beautiful?”, “What if no one takes me?” getting married?”, in a 7-year-old, there is suspiciousness: “Won’t we be late?”, “Are we going?”, “Will you buy it?”

Age-related manifestations of obsession, anxiety and suspiciousness themselves go away in children if parents are cheerful, calm, self-confident, and also if they take into account the individual and gender characteristics of their child.

Punishments for indecent words should be avoided by patiently explaining their inappropriateness and at the same time providing additional opportunities to relieve nervous tension in the game. Establishing friendly relations with children of the opposite sex also helps, and this cannot be done without the help of parents. Children's anxious expectations are dispelled by calm analysis, authoritative explanation and persuasion. With regard to suspiciousness, the best thing is not to reinforce it, to switch the child’s attention, to run with him, to play, to cause physical fatigue, and to constantly express firm confidence in the certainty of the events taking place.

As already mentioned, the parent of the same sex enjoys exceptional authority among older preschoolers. He is imitated in everything, including habits, behavior and style of relationship with a parent of the opposite sex, who is still loved. In a similar way, a model of family relationships is established. Note that emotionally warm relationships with both parents are possible only in the absence of conflict between adults, since at this age children are very sensitive to relationships in the family (as well as to the attitude of other people significant to them) .

The authority of the parent of the same sex is reduced due to behavior that is emotionally unacceptable for the child and the inability to stabilize the situation in the family. Then, in the imaginary game “Family,” children, especially girls, are less likely to choose the role of a parent of the same sex; there is no desire to do everything like “dad” or “mom.” They try to be only themselves or choose the role of a parent of the other gender, which in both cases is atypical in older people. school age.

If, for various reasons, in childhood there are problems, friction, and conflicts in relationships with a parent of the same sex, then this contributes to the emergence of problems, friction, and conflicts in the upbringing of one’s own children. So, if a girl experienced the authoritarian influence of her mother in childhood, then, having become a mother herself, she will be emphatically strict and principled with the child in some way, which will cause him to have a reaction of protest or neurotic disorders. A boy who was not the Son of the Father in childhood, deprived of his positive influence, may not become the Father of the Son and pass on to him his adequate experience of gender-role behavior and protection from everyday dangers and fears. In addition, the divorce of parents of children of older preschool age has a greater adverse effect on boys than on girls. The lack of influence of the father in the family or his absence can most complicate in boys the formation of gender-appropriate communication skills with peers, cause self-doubt, a feeling of powerlessness and doom in the face of an even imaginary danger that fills the consciousness.

So, a 6 year old boy from single-parent family(father left after the divorce) was terrified of Zmey Gorynych. “He’s not breathing - that’s all,” - this is how he explained his fear. By “everything” he meant death. No one knows when the Serpent Gorynych might arrive, rising from the depths of his subconscious, but it is clear that he can suddenly capture the imagination of a boy defenseless in front of him and paralyze his will to resist. The presence of a constant imaginary threat indicates a lack of psychological defense, not formed due to the lack of adequate influence from the father. The boy does not have a defender who could kill the Serpent Gorynych and from whom he could take an example, like the fabulous Ilya of Muromets. Or let us cite the case of a 5-year-old boy who was afraid of “everything in the world”, was helpless and at the same time declared: “I am like a man.” He owed his infantility to his anxious and overprotective mother, who wanted to have a girl and did not take into account his desire for independence in the first years of his life. The boy was drawn to his father and strived to be like him in everything. But the father was removed from upbringing by an overbearing mother, who blocked all his attempts to exert any influence on her son. The inability to identify with the role of a squeezed and unauthoritative father in the presence of a restless and overprotective mother is a family situation that contributes to the destruction of activity and self-confidence in boys.

Another story about a 7-year-old boy who could not draw a family, despite the request to depict it. He drew either himself or his father separately, not realizing that both his mother and his older sister should be in the picture. He also could not choose the role of father or mother in the game and become himself in it. The impossibility of identification with the father and his low authority were caused by the fact that the father constantly came home drunk and immediately went to bed. He belonged to men who “lived behind the closet” - inconspicuous, quiet, disconnected from family problems and not involved in raising children. The boy could not be himself, since his domineering mother, having suffered defeat with his father leaving her influence, tried to take revenge in the fight for her son, who, according to her, was in every way like her despised husband and was so harmful, lazy, stubborn. It must be said that the son was unwanted, and this constantly affected the mother’s attitude towards him, who was strict with the emotionally sensitive boy, endlessly reproaching him and punishing him. In addition, she overprotected her son, kept him under constant control and stopped any manifestations of independence. It is not surprising that he soon became “harmful” in his mother’s opinion, since he was trying to somehow express himself, and to her this reminded her of his father’s previous activity. This is precisely what frightened the mother, who did not tolerate any disagreement, striving to impose her will and subjugate everyone. She's like The Snow Queen, sat on the throne of principles, commanding, pointing, emotionally unavailable and cold, not understanding the spiritual needs of her son and treating him like a servant. The husband began to drink his time as a sign of protest, defending himself from his wife with “alcoholic non-existence.” In a conversation with the boy, not only age-related fears were revealed, but also many fears coming from a previous age, including punishment from the mother, darkness, loneliness and confined space. The most pronounced fear was of loneliness, and this is understandable. He has no friend or protector in his family; he is an emotional orphan with living parents.

Unjustified severity, cruelty of the father in relations with children, physical punishment, ignoring spiritual needs and feelings of self-worth also lead to fears.

As we have seen, the forced or conscious substitution of the male role in the family by a mother who is domineering in nature not only does not contribute to the development of self-confidence in boys, but also leads to the emergence of lack of independence, dependence, and helplessness, which are nutritious a breeding ground for fears that inhibit activity and interfere with self-affirmation. If such a boy, growing up, marries and becomes a father, then he often does not experience paternal feelings for his son, does not understand his boyish needs, does not actively participate in the life of the family (similar to how the father behaved in his time) and often passes on your unresolved fears for the child. In the absence of identification with the mother, girls may also lose self-confidence. But unlike boys, they become more anxious than afraid. If, moreover, a girl cannot express love for her father, then cheerfulness decreases, and anxiety is complemented by suspiciousness, which leads in adolescence to a depressive tone of mood, a feeling of worthlessness, uncertainty of feelings and desires.

Children aged 5-7 are often afraid of terrible dreams and death in their sleep. Moreover, the very fact of awareness of death as an irreparable misfortune, the cessation of life, occurs most often in a dream: “I was walking in the zoo, approached a lion’s cage, and the cage was open, the lion rushed at me and ate me” (a reflection associated with the fear of death fears of attack and animals in a 5-year-old girl), “I was swallowed by a crocodile” (6-year-old boy). The symbol of death is the omnipresent Baba Yaga, who in a dream chases children, catches them and throws them into the stove (in which the fear of fire associated with the fear of death is refracted).

“Often in a dream, children of this age may dream of separation from their parents, due to the fear of their disappearance and loss. Such a dream precedes the fear of the death of parents at primary school age. Thus, at 5-7 years old, dreams reproduce the present, the past (Baba Yaga) and future fears. This indirectly indicates the greatest saturation of older preschool age with fears.

Scary dreams also reflect the nature of the attitude of parents and adults towards children: “I climb the stairs, stumble, start falling down the steps and just can’t stop, and my grandmother, as luck would have it, takes out the newspapers and can’t do anything,” says girl 7 years old, given to the care of a restless and sick grandmother. A 6-year-old boy, who has a strict father who prepares him for school, told us his dream: “I’m walking down the street and I see Koschey the Immortal coming towards me, he takes me to school and asks me a problem: “What is 2+?” 2?" Well, of course, I immediately woke up and asked my mother how much 2+2 would be, fell asleep again and answered Koshchei that it would be 4." The fear of making a mistake haunts the child even in his sleep, and he seeks support from his mother .

The leading fear of older preschool age is the fear of death. Its occurrence means the awareness of the irreversibility in space and time of events occurring age-related changes. The child begins to understand that growing up at some stage marks death, the inevitability of which causes anxiety as an emotional rejection of the rational need to die. One way or another, for the first time the child feels that death is an inevitable fact of his biography. As a rule, children themselves cope with such experiences, but only if there is a cheerful atmosphere in the family, if parents do not talk endlessly about illnesses, about the fact that someone has died and something can happen to him (the child) too. then happen. If a child is already restless, then worries of this kind will only increase the age-related fear of death.

Fear of death is closely related to fears of attack, darkness, fairy tale characters(more active at 3-5 years), illness and death of parents (older age), terrible dreams, animals, elements, fire, fire and war. The last 6 fears are most typical for older preschool age. They, like those previously listed, have as their motivation a threat to life, directly or indirectly. An attack by someone (including animals), as well as an illness, can result in irreparable misfortune, injury, or death. The same applies to storm, hurricane, flood, earthquake, fire, fire and war as immediate threats to life. This justifies our definition of fear as an affectively sharpened instinct of self-preservation.

Under unfavorable life circumstances, the fear of death contributes to the intensification of many associated fears. Thus, a 7-year-old girl, after the death of her beloved hamster, became whiny, touchy, stopped laughing, could not watch or listen to fairy tales, because she cried bitterly out of pity for the characters and could not calm down for a long time. The main thing was that she was terrified of dying in her sleep, like a hamster, so she could not fall asleep alone, experiencing spasms in her throat from excitement, attacks of suffocation and frequent urges to go to the toilet. Remembering how her mother once said in her hearts: “It would be better for me to die,” the girl began to fear for her life, as a result of which the mother was forced to sleep with her daughter.

As we see, the incident with the hamster occurred precisely at the age maximum of the fear of death, actualized it and led to an exorbitant growth in the imagination of the impressionable girl.

Sometimes fear takes on an obsessive, neurotic connotation when children torment their parents with endless questions and doubts like: “Won’t we be late?”, “Will we be on time?”, “Will you come?” Intolerance of waiting manifests itself in the fact that the child “emotionally burns out” before the onset of some specific, pre-planned event, for example, the arrival of guests, a visit to the cinema, etc. Most often, the obsessive fear of being late is inherent in boys with high level of intellectual development, but with insufficiently expressed emotionality and spontaneity. They are looked after a lot, controlled, regulated every step by not very young and anxiously suspicious parents. In addition, mothers would prefer to see them as girls, and they treat boys’ willfulness with emphasized adherence to principles, intolerance and intransigence. Both parents are characterized by a heightened sense of duty, the difficulty of compromise, combined with impatience and poor tolerance of waiting, maximalism and inflexibility of “all or nothing” thinking. Like fathers, boys are not self-reproached and are afraid of not living up to the inflated demands of their parents. Figuratively speaking, boys, with an obsessive fear of being late, are afraid of not being on time for their boyish train of life, rushing non-stop from the past to the future, bypassing the stop of the present. The obsessive fear of being late is a symptom of fatally insoluble internal anxiety, that is, neurotic anxiety, when the past frightens, the future worries, and the present excites and puzzles. A neurotic form of expression of the fear of death is the obsessive fear of infection. Usually this is an adult-instilled fear of diseases from which, according to them, you can die. Such fears fall on the fertile soil of increased age-related sensitivity to fears of death and blossom into the magnificent flower of neurotic fears.

This is what happened to a 6-year-old girl living with her suspicious grandmother. One day she read (she already knew how to read) in a pharmacy that she should not eat food that a fly would land on. Shocked by such a categorical ban, the girl began to feel guilty and worried about his repeated “violations.” She was afraid to leave food, it seemed to her that there were some dots on its surface, etc. Overwhelmed by the fear of getting infected and dying from it, she washed her hands endlessly and, despite thirst and hunger, refused to drink or eat at a party. Tension, stiffness and “confidence on the contrary” appeared - obsessive thoughts about impending death from accidentally eating contaminated food. Moreover, the threat of death was perceived literally, as something probable, as punishment, punishment for violating the ban. To become infected with such fears, you need to be psychologically unprotected by your parents and already have a high level of anxiety, reinforced by a restless and protective grandmother in everything.

If we do not take such clinical cases, then the fear of death, as already noted, does not sound, but dissolves in the usual of this age fears. Nevertheless, it is better not to subject the psyche of emotionally sensitive, impressionable, nervously and somatically weakened children to additional tests such as surgery to remove adenoids (there are conservative treatment methods), painful medical procedures without special need, separation from parents and placement for several months in a “health” sanatorium, etc. But this does not mean isolating children at home, creating for them an artificial environment that eliminates any difficulties and levels out their own experience of failures and achievements.

Svetlana Sushinskikh
Psychologist

Based on materials from books by A.I. Zakharova “What our children dream”, “Children’s neuroses”

Fear is considered a natural human state - a protective reaction of a healthy body to certain stimuli. In fact, fears protect us from danger and many risks. Which means they are useful to some extent. But, if adults have learned over many years to control their fears and interact with them, then children are not protected by knowledge from unknown and frightening things. Therefore, it is important for literate parents to learn to promptly distinguish between moments when the body’s natural reaction threatens to develop into obsession or even a phobia.

Types of fears in children 4-6 years old

Conventionally, children's fears can be divided into two types: real And fantasy.

Real fears

Real ones include those that have a completely understandable reason:

These fears are typical both for children aged two to three years, and for children four to six - they accompany several age periods.

Fantasy fears

At three or four years old, a child actively develops abstract thinking, which causes the appearance of another type of fear: fantasy fears. This group is born from the imagination of children. This includes:

Reasons for real fears and how to respond to them

Let's take a closer look at the main childhood fears in children from 4 to 6 years old and try to figure out what adults need to do about it. Provided a competent approach and adequate support from parents, in the absence of conflicts in the family, children's fear is overcome quite quickly.

1. Fear of animals and insects

For some children, the fear of insects or animals is relevant.

What to do?

In such cases, it is recommended to change the baby’s emotional state - from frightening to interested. For example, go out into the field with him, find a spider there, and place it on your palm. After this, you should explain to your child that the spider is completely open in front of you, is not up to anything and, on the contrary, is more vulnerable than people.

Telling interesting stories about animals and insects that your baby is afraid of can arouse curiosity on his part. The more the baby knows about the subject of his fear, the faster he will get rid of fear.

In the case of a dog, you also need to create a favorable background around the animal. Never yell at a child or intimidate them because the dog might bite or infect them with something. Explain to your child that petting a dog without the owner’s permission is prohibited and it is better to establish first contacts with the animal from a distance so as not to scare it away.

Look through books and encyclopedias about animals, visit exhibitions, and demonstrate how to safely interact with insects and animals by example.

2. Fear of white coats

This fear is closely related to the fear of pain. An injection given by a person in a medical cap and a white coat, or an examination with unpleasant instruments leaves a child with a long-term association with unpleasant sensations. Children begin to be terrified of doctors, and this fear is much stronger and more dangerous than the pain itself caused by the procedure.

What to do?

To reduce the fear of people in white coats, a few days before going to the clinic, tell your child about the doctor’s work. Play doctor with him, using as many special medical instruments as possible: listen to him, examine the oral cavity, and perform other possible manipulations. Be sure to switch roles with him.

When communicating with the doctor and nurse from the treatment room, be courteous and polite, watch your emotions: smile kindly, behave at ease - the child should see your calmness and confidence that nothing threatens him.

If you visited the dentist or vaccination office, do not forget to praise your baby for his patience and courage, even if his condition was the opposite. After leaving the clinic, try to immediately switch the baby’s attention to other objects: tell him interesting story, a fairy tale.

3. Fear of loud noises

One of the innate fears of man is fear sharp sounds. Nature is designed in such a way that a loud sound is a symbol of danger. In addition, loud sounds contribute to overstrain of brain cells and lead to disruption in the functioning of some organs. Therefore, the instinct of self-preservation makes the child flinch at sharp shouts, roar, or grinding of machines.

What to do?

If your baby suddenly bursts into tears due to thunder or other sudden noise, you should stand next to him, hug him and let him know that you can protect him, he is safe next to you. Do not laugh at him, do not shame him, otherwise he will begin to hide his fear from you, but he is unlikely to be able to cope with it on his own.

It is best to start games with different sounds: from quiet to loud. A metallophone and ringing metal spoons are suitable for practicing. Go to a noisy place together children's party or a fun ride where everyone squeals, screams and jumps. The joyful noise will gradually accustom the baby to loud sounds.

4. Fear of strangers

Fear of strangers arises in infancy and has quite obvious roots. It is formed at the physiological level - the baby subconsciously begins to sense danger in a stranger. At the same time, he withdraws, lowers his head and hides behind a loved one.

If parents behave correctly, fear usually goes away by the age of three or four. But, if socialization at this age has not begun, it is worth paying special attention to the problem. Otherwise, the situation threatens to lower the child’s self-esteem and negatively affect further communication with peers.

What to do?

Since fear in this case goes hand in hand with shyness, parents need to take the first steps themselves. For example, approach children on the playground with your child who are already communicating with each other. Talk to them, introduce them to your child. You should visit children's centers and developmental classes more often, and visit friends who have children of the same age.

If the baby is afraid to be alone with another adult, for example, with a nanny, you need to take a little more time to get to know each other. In order for the child to get used to strangers, the three of them need to spend some time together. As soon as the baby begins to trust the new person, contact him first, you can safely leave them alone.

5. Fear of loneliness

The fear of being left without a mother for a long time is considered a common fear among children. In no case should he be mistaken for spoiled behavior or unreasonable whims. The fear of losing your mother is quite natural and requires a delicate approach.

What to do?

Always explain to your child when you will be back. For example: - “After you sleep and eat your afternoon snack.” It is recommended to make such approvals regular. In this case, you should not only negotiate kindly with the baby, but also fulfill your promises in a timely manner.

6. Fear of the dark and nightmares

One of the important childhood fears is the fear of the dark. The baby’s imagination develops rapidly, giving him monsters, scary characters from cartoons, fairy tales, books, hidden in the closet or under the bed.

What to do?

The main condition for combating the fear of the dark and fictional characters is a calm psychological atmosphere in the house. Under no circumstances should you scold a child for being afraid or throw indifferent phrases like this: “There’s nothing scary there.”

Reassure your child that he is completely safe. To do this, leave the door to his room open, buy a funny children's night light.

Offer to draw or sculpt someone he is afraid of, then give the hero a comic look and laugh at him together.

Come up with an interesting fairy tale with a scary character from a child's imagination, ending it positively. Your hero should gradually turn into good friend and an assistant.

Make it a rule before going to bed to calmly talk with your child in his room, read books, listen to calm music together. Physical contact and gentle words are appropriate.

7. Claustrophobia

The fear of the dark has something in common with the fear of enclosed spaces. The child may not voice the problem and the parents notice it themselves, closing the door to his room in the evening, or getting stuck in the elevator with him. Frequent manifestations of claustrophobia are accompanied by panic attacks and dizziness. Children can run to their parents in the middle of the night and start crying.

This obsessive fear occurs more often in the only child in the family who has limitations in communicating with peers. It especially affects children who receive excessive amounts of affection and love.

What to do?

First of all, the child in such a situation should be calmed down and taught to breathe evenly. Scolding someone for what you think is an unmotivated fear is strictly prohibited. You can’t do the opposite and lock him in the room.

Games aimed at overcoming the stiffness that arises in a confined space can be effective. For example, specialist in the field of child psyche A.I. Zakharov suggests psychological game"Penetrating and leaving the circle."

The essence of the game is that adults and children stand in a circle, clasp their hands and close their eyes. At the same time, they declare out loud that no one will be able to penetrate their circle - they carefully guard it and there is no place for any daredevils there. This phrase itself subconsciously incites the child to fall into the circle. Players walk outside the circle and try to slip unnoticed under one of the pairs of hands. The one who slipped into the middle loudly claps his hands and everyone opens their eyes in surprise. The second part of the game involves the same way out of the circle.

8. Fear of punishment

Even the most harmless punishment of a child can lead to unexpected consequences. Thanks to measures to lock a naughty baby in a dark room, closet or other place with little light, he may develop several fears at once: fear of confined spaces, darkness, loneliness, the appearance of nightmares in his sleep.

In addition, such punishments break the child’s psychological connection with adults; he feels alienated by his parents, which in the future can lead to problems in marriage for an adult.

What to do?

It is worth remembering that any mistake of a child is, first of all, a parental omission in upbringing. And that means you need to punish yourself, not him. Any reproach should always be expressed in the form of love for the baby. Otherwise, he will begin to associate the evil mother with Baba Yaga from a fairy tale, and his father with the Serpent Gorynych, which will give rise, in addition to the above fears, also fantasy ones. You can read more about this type of fear in the article “Fear fairy-tale heroes and fictional characters."

Causes of fantasy fears and how to respond to them

Waking up after good night, adults can remain for some time in sweet euphoria, without separating dreams from reality. At such a moment, it is easy for them to understand children 4-6 years old, who are under the influence of their own rich imagination almost all day long. Computer games, fairy tales, and cartoons populate the world of children with fictional characters, and sometimes even entire corporations of monsters.

1. Fear of fictional characters

A particularly impressionable child, while watching a children's show, a cartoon, or after reading a scary fairy tale, may become frightened of an evil hero and “revive” him in his imagination at any time of the day.

A big role in this is played by parents, who with enhanced artistry convey the images of a wolf, the mythical Babai or Baba Yaga. Some adults go even further - they scare the child with the fact that there is some evil that can take a naughty child from his parents even without their knowledge.

What to do?

The fear of fictional heroes is closely intertwined with the fear of punishment. Therefore, first of all, you need to completely eliminate the manipulation of scary heroes in your own interests when you want to achieve impeccable behavior from your little ones. Such intimidation can make his psyche unstable for a long time and in the distant future there is a risk of encountering real neuroses.

It's best to come up with a fairy tale in which a scary main character becomes kind and begins to help everyone.

Art therapy is appropriate. That is, evil can be drawn as funny as possible and make it vulnerable to the baby. For example, dress up a wolf as a fireman and send him to save people, and present Baba Yaga as a comical and good-natured old woman.

As soon as a child voices his fear and talks about it with an adult, in most cases the fear recedes almost immediately. Therefore, it is so important to simply talk with the baby in a calm environment and convince him of complete safety.

2. Fear of nightmares

Children become the most vulnerable at night, when no adults are around. Fear of nightmares is one of the most common fears in children 4-6 years old. Unfortunately, it does not come alone, but complete with a fear of the dark, loneliness and closed spaces.

What to do?

Excitement before a bad dream is dangerous in itself. In such cases, parents should remember to use a night light, a slightly open door and calm conversations before putting the baby to bed.

It is appropriate to come up with magic words that will play the role of protection, to allow you to take your favorite toy.

Mom's gentle touch, relaxing massage, kiss before bed - best ways convince the baby that he is loved, and therefore protected.

What is important to consider when dealing with fears?

1. Love, warmth, and sincere participation of parents in solving problems with fears in half of the cases eliminate fear in the bud.
2. You cannot scold and go from the opposite direction - forcing the child to overcome fear by force. Only a gentle explanation and encouragement of situations where the child manages to cope with fear on his own initiative will help.
3. You should not expect a quick effect. Combating fear is a painstaking process that requires great moral commitment from parents.
4. If something doesn’t work out for you and your baby’s fear develops into a phobia, be sure to consult a specialist.

Best of all: create a safe environment at home. A child should always see a confident father and a gentle, caring mother. Then there will be no place for fears in his life for long.

Video

Childhood fears. How to teach children to cope with fears? Parenting. Mom's school

Life of Five year old child filled with events and emotions. Strong impressions can cause anxiety and fear. To help a child cope with unpleasant experiences, parents need help. Correct actions by adults will restore peace of mind to the baby.

Such different childhood fears

Most children's fears are a manifestation of age-related characteristics. In senior preschool age the number of phobias is increasing. Moreover, girls have a wider range of fears.

The psychological norm for 5-year-old boys is the following fears:

• become infected and sick;
• moms and dads;
• Baba Yaga, Barmaley, Koshchei the Immortal;
• before bedtime;
• transport;
• heights;
• wars;
• injections.

The list of main fears of 5-year-old girls is longer:

• become infected and sick;
• moms and dads;
• before bedtime;
• scary dreams;
• animals (spiders, snakes, wolves);
• transport;
• natural disasters;
• cramped spaces;
• water;
• large premises, streets;
• pain.

If a child has phobias that are not typical for his age and gender, this may be a manifestation of childhood fear neurosis. In this case, it is useful to consult a child psychologist. But more often the situation can be corrected by the competent behavior of parents.

Inspired and situational fears

Many fears appear after traumatic situations (fear, pain, medical procedures, conflicts in the family). Sometimes the appearance of phobias is determined by the child’s personal characteristics (fantasizing).
Adults are often the source of fear. For example, parents and educators instill a sense of danger, trying to warn the baby. But the baby is not protected, but is frightened by the phrases: “Don’t touch - you’ll get burned!”, “Don’t open the door - there’s a stranger there!” Statements about the child’s weakness, death, misfortunes, and fires are also harmful. This is how the instilled fears are reinforced.

Risk factors

Prerequisites for the manifestation of fearfulness in a child:

• excessive demands or anxiety of the mother;
• absence of other children in the family;
• ban on noisy games;
• family conflicts;
• parents over 35 years old (more guardianship);
• properties of the child's nervous system.

Scary dreams

In addition to daytime fears, psychologists pay attention to the existence of nightmares. These are scary dreams that can recur. Children dream of monsters and terrible events. Typically, nightmares appear against the background of daytime fears. Such children ask to leave the light on at night, strive to be closer to their parents, cry out and move restlessly in their sleep.

It is possible to protect your child from such unpleasant experiences. To do this, you need to avoid the following events before going to bed:

• parents' quarrels;
• punishments, threats;
• computer and outdoor games, TV;
• refusal to read before bed, hug or kiss the child.

Parental support for children 5 years old

If fear manifests itself weakly and rarely, it is better to distract the child interesting game. The more interests, the less worries.

Wise actions of adults can free a child from fears. For example:

• try to understand the cause of anxiety;
• instill in the child the belief that fears will disappear;
• Tell your child more often: “I’m with you”;
• ensure the baby communicates with children (release of emotions);
• play actively at home;
• be in nature;
• invite the child to draw (or sculpt) fears and destroy them (or depict them in a comical form);
• encourage the child's achievements;
• achieve positive emotions.

You should never bully a child. A five-year-old child can take threats seriously, and the fear will persist for a long time.

The best tactic in dealing with fears is not to worry, not to panic, and not to dramatize the situation. And then fears will disappear forever.