Once you had a relationship, but for some reason they did not work out. And here the notorious phrase sounds: "we will remain friends." What is it - a veiled designation of a complete break, or is friendship between former lovers, in principle, possible? And what could be fraught with such a situation? Comments are given by psychologist Marina Vozchikova.

If after parting no one is strongly offended, then why not be friends?

Indeed, often at the end of a relationship, one of the couple - a guy or a girl - suggests: "Let's remain friends," the specialist says. - But this does not always mean the intention to be friends. More often we simply do not want to offend a person by refusing to communicate with him. And for a real friendship to arise, a number of conditions are necessary.

First of all, you should not be so offended by each other that you avoid communication. Often we understand that a person is not so bad, just for life together he does not suit us - not the right character, there are no obligatory qualities that we would like to see in our boyfriend, there are annoying features, and so on. But as a friend or buddy, the guy suits us quite well.

Friendship between a guy and a girl arises when they have something in common. Some hobbies, views on life, maybe teamwork or territorial proximity. If at least one of these conditions is met, then there is a chance that the offer to "remain friends" will not remain an empty phrase.

What's good about being friends with an ex

What are the pros and cons of such friendship "after love"?

There are a lot of positive aspects of such relations.

Firstly, during the period while you were a couple, a certain emotional closeness and understanding arose between you. In other words, it is easier for you to find a common language with each other.

Secondly, you know each other's strengths and weaknesses well, so you know how to behave with each other, what to expect, and in this or that situation you can give or receive practical advice from a former partner.

Thirdly, the fact that you once had an intimate relationship makes your communication more open. There are also couples who remain friends who continue to periodically engage in sexual relations simply because they are pleased with each other and without a hint of a return to the past.

What are the disadvantages of being friends with an ex-boyfriend

But in such friendship there are many pitfalls.

Firstly, if one of the couple still has feelings for the former partner, then friendships can become torment for him. After all, a former lover may already be building a new relationship with someone else, and you are still counting on something ... It is not easy for you to regularly see him, communicate with him and at the same time know that he no longer belongs to you ... They may have place seemingly unreasonable scenes of jealousy, inappropriate actions, and so on.

Secondly, a romance that has grown into friendship can seriously interfere with new relationships. It happens that an ex-boyfriend rushes between an old girlfriend and a new passion, feeling guilty in front of both, while both ladies are desperately jealous of him for each other ...

Thirdly, it is difficult for you to discuss your personal life with a friend who was once your lover, which would not be difficult if there had never been an affair between you. For example, you don't know how to let him know that you're already in a relationship with someone else.

So is it worth it to maintain friendship with your "ex"? Here are the recommendations of the psychologist Marina Vozchikova.

Tips for Dealing with an Ex-Boyfriend Who Proposed Friendship

Before you offer to remain friends, consider whether you need it.

You should not try to maintain friendly relations if you still have feelings for this guy, but he does not have feelings for you. It will hurt you.

Be wary of agreeing to be friends with a guy who still has feelings for you if you don't reciprocate. This can put you in an awkward situation over time.

Do not abuse your "friendly rights" if the former lover has a new partner. She will certainly not be happy if you constantly annoy her boyfriend with various requests - for example, to help you with repairs or take you somewhere in your car.

Also, don't spend too much time with an ex-boyfriend if you have a new one.

If you decide to invite your ex-boyfriend to visit, and he already has new sweetheart, invite them together, otherwise there will inevitably be problems.

Try not to discuss with the "ex" your previous relationship. Also, do not discuss them with him. new girl or your new chosen one. What was, is gone!

Both the fair sex and men often think about how to behave with their soulmate after a breakup or divorce. Many are tearing up the ends, discussing behind their eyes, trying in every possible way to prick the once greatest love of their lives. However, you can avoid nasty things in the direction of the former chosen one or chosen one and maintain a warm relationship with him.

Benefits of friendship between exes

Friendship between former lovers can be quite sincere if all mistakes are forgiven and the hatchet is buried. If you want to be friends with an ex-lover, then you can even find some advantages of such a relationship:

1. closeness and understanding. During the time that you were together, you could perfectly study the partner’s habits, his views on many things, and accept some shortcomings. Former love will be especially insightful to your mental suffering, so you can safely call him in the middle of the night and speak out from the heart, having received good support.
2. Request for advice. If you are completely confused and cannot find a way out of this or that situation, your ex-partner will absolutely be able to give you good advice, because he understands perfectly well what to expect from you.
3. intimate relationship. If after breaking up you cannot find your new love, you can sometimes have sexual intercourse with your former lover, because he has perfectly studied your body and knows all the sensory points. The main thing is not to cross the line, because often couples begin to take a step towards a truce after such tempting and piquant meetings.

Disadvantages of friendship between exes

Friendship with the former is, of course, wonderful - complete mutual understanding, support, warm relations and harmony, which is so lacking in love relationships. You will no longer endure endless reproaches, scenes of jealousy, because obligations are no longer your forte!

However, is there a friendship between the former? To answer this question, it is worth, first of all, to think about how much you value the person with whom you were in a close relationship?

You may not be able to perceive him as a friend or buddy, with whom you can meet over a glass of sparkling wine and for the first time in a long time not hint at a passionate night and not even take your hand. If the former wants to be friends, and you just can’t accept him in this role, it’s better to refuse to communicate at all, because otherwise a huge number of minuses will pop up:

• But the feelings remain! Perhaps you can’t forget those wonderful moments when you went to the cinema together, walked hand in hand in the park, smiled at small children and chose names for your future fidgets…
• There is another case - your partner has warm feelings and expects to return, but you are already completely burned out. In this case, it is worth cutting off all the ends, because otherwise you can not only hurt your own former lover, but also completely destroy warm relations.
• Interfering with new relationships. If you were able to find a new love, and the old one does not give rest and life at all, constantly causing new quarrels and scandals, weigh the pros and cons. Is it worth giving up happiness in the present for the sake of a dubious past? Unfortunately, a huge number of couples, according to numerous statistics, break up due to the fact that one of the partners cannot break off relations with his old love. Allow yourself to be happy, because it is not for nothing that they say: "Whoever remembers the old, that eye is out." Only here the matter is even more complicated - it concerns love.
• You won't be able to discuss your personal life. It is unlikely that you will be able to ask your ex-partner for advice on the topic true love. Jealousy will immediately emerge from somewhere, which will cause only uncomfortable moments.

Does such a friendship really exist?

Unfortunately, most often the phrase “let's be friends” is said only in order not to offend a partner. However, many former lovers appreciate it as a hint that you can still return. Why give false hopes to a once beloved person, especially if he still cannot forget those wonderful moments when you were together?

Friendship with an ex can give not only a sea of ​​​​pleasant emotions and impressions, because a young man or girl in a new role is very tempting! But do not forget that this is also a great pain that can be caused not only to yourself, but also to your partner. First of all, it is worth answering the question, is there friendship between the former in your particular case? In order to maintain a warm relationship that does not develop into something more, it is necessary:

1. It's good to part. If you do not have any resentment towards your former loved one, you can try to move with him to a new level - friendship. The absence of irritation and resentment is a huge chance that you will be able to maintain friendly communication that does not overflow into love. A few weeks of passionate relationships - and you will again come to the same thing that caused the breakup.
2. To have something in common. Perhaps you have the same preferences in music, or you are madly in love with one author, whose books you dedicate a huge amount of time to reading. It is common interests that can contribute to good friendships!
3. New second halves. Oddly enough, but you will be more likely to maintain friendship with a former lover if your heart has long been occupied with a new love. The main thing is that the former should be similarly passionate about other relationships.

How to maintain normal relationships?

How often breakups occur that lead to mutual hatred ... At the sight of a former lover, you can shiver with irritation and blush with anger, because he caused an incalculable amount of pain and resentment. After such a break, the friendship between ex-boyfriend and a girl, seems like a fantastic phenomenon that only happens in fairy tales.

However, despite prejudices and outbursts of rage, normal relationships can be maintained! Women manage to maintain good relations not only with their lovers, but also be friends with ex-husbands.

So how do you behave when “love has passed - the tomatoes have wilted”, and you live in the same city or even on the same street:

1. Try not to get depressed after a breakup. Even if you have been abandoned, never dare to plunge into the hopeless abyss of suffering. Get busy right away, find a new hobby that will take up a huge amount of your time. Only when you can love yourself can you easily say an indifferent “Hello!” your former love, which may have hurt you a lot and broken your heart.
2. Don't respond to hints. Even if your former soulmate hints at meetings and rekindled feelings, do not turn off the path if you have already decided everything for yourself. Refuse meetings, finding good reasons, and after a while the young man or ex girlfriend they themselves will moderate their ardor a little. The main thing is to decide for yourself whether you want to completely break the ends.
3. Don't discuss ex love behind the eyes. It is not worth shouting at every corner about the shortcomings of your old partner, because you yourself chose him! This will not only cause some inconvenience to the former lover, but you will also prove yourself not with yourself. better side pushing people away.