Not a single most technologically advanced mechanism created by people is as complex as human relationships. Still, practically no laws apply in them, and therefore options innumerable developments of events. People get together, then break up... And then? Anything. A person who has disappeared for several years may reappear. Men especially like to do this. Why do ex-men appear, although you have already “definitely broken up”?
Why would an ex-man suddenly show up?
Life doesn't stop when you break up with someone. It continues for both you and your ex. This means that during the breakup he was doing something: building new relationships, earning money or having fun, restoring old connections or establishing new ones. Life is constantly spinning, it doesn’t stand still. And, if for some reason the ex-man got in touch again, there were serious reasons. What could have happened to him while there was no news?
- He couldn't find anyone for himself. A common situation: while you are together, you are not appreciated. And it seems to the man that when you break up, he will immediately find someone better. In reality, he has to admit that few people need him. Having pushed around from one attempt to another, he realizes that the separation was in vain. And it doesn’t matter on whose initiative. Even if it was you who abandoned him, he may realize that he made too little effort and was completely in vain in not keeping you.
- I compared and realized that there is no one better than you. It also happens that after a breakup, a man quite actively conquers women’s hearts. Only gradually does he begin to realize that he is missing something. Something is missing from your relationship with him. For example, this is home comfort, understanding at a glance, the same views and hobbies. In a word, he has had his fill and now wants to return to his former measured happiness.
- Nostalgia has set in. It happens that everything is good in life, and the new woman completely satisfies in all aspects, and there is nothing more to wish for. But he is drawn to the past. At least for a little bit, for a day or a week, go back to the times when you and him had something in common. True, such desires are unstable and quickly pass.
- Problems with self-esteem. This is a purely psychological problem: the ex-man appears specifically to show himself and others his own importance. To demonstrate, so to speak, the “trophy” - the woman he once conquered, once possessed, she needed. This usually happens due to dissatisfaction with the current relationship in which he seems to be undervalued.
- Raging pride. And finally, the man wants to appear in your life again, perhaps to show how much he has achieved. Most often this happens to offended abandoned boys. The resentment is so strong that when such an emotionally unstable type achieves at least something in life, he must show it off. You just turn up the arm. It’s a nice thing to please your vanity and pride: “You didn’t appreciate me, but I’m such a great guy; suffer now that you have realized who you have lost.”
Every situation is good in some way and bad in some way at the same time. But, again, these are precisely the situations that push you to reappear in the life of an ex-woman. What is called "motivation". What about specific goals and actions? What might such impulses lead to? This issue requires a separate discussion.
What does an ex-man want when he reappears?
If an ex-man appeared on his own, spontaneously and without your initiative, you should expect all sorts of antics from him. It probably won't just disappear anytime soon. What can he decide on? The actions of an ex-man are difficult to predict for sure, but possible options can be assumed.
1. Will try to establish friendly relations
When a man is unobtrusively interested in your life, finds out about your affairs, the situation in the family or at work, perhaps he just wants to make friends. Oddly enough, this is a fairly common situation, especially if you once broke up dramatically and with a heavy aftertaste.
This happens to those who manage to “grow up” during a breakup. A person can already achieve a lot, start a family, have children. But because of the same notorious nostalgia ex-woman remains so interesting for him that he is ready to establish some kind of, but still friendly, relations. They're not strangers, after all.
2. Will try to “reanimate” an old relationship, even a love affair
Maybe it will even make you happy. But there is no need to rush. It’s better to think about why a former man suddenly appeared with such requests. Why does he need you right now? Does he have some temporary problems in his personal life and he decided to find solace in you? Or, who knows, financial difficulties have arisen, and you have wealth. Or he has sank so much that no one needs him at all... There are many options. It is possible that he simply reconsidered his life and realized that, indeed, only you are what he needs. Assess him and your situation.
It’s another matter if he already has a family. In this case, it is better not to resurrect hopes from the grave at all. And you will destroy someone else’s family, and you will not create your own normal one. You don’t need it, especially since “he who betrayed once will betray again.” This is one of the most accurate proverbs that almost always works flawlessly.
3. Will make you a mistress or take advantage of her once or twice
Here’s another common option: I wanted sex. He can be very sweet, kind, understanding... In the end it turns out that he simply has problems with intimacy. For example, a “current” woman is happy as a housewife, mother of his children or breadwinner, but there are problems with bed. When you turn up, memories of old carefree times come up. How can we stay here? Maybe it's worth a try if you also have difficulties with this. Just don’t let him make you a permanent mistress. This is disgusting, this is a mockery of oneself and the total destruction of one’s pride.
4. He will begin to humiliate, mock, and emphasize his importance.
The most, sorry, worst option. Ex-husband The rank appears not to remember pleasant times, but with the aim of stroking one’s pride. Here he has expensive car, the watch is gold, but the photos on social networks show a luxurious home and trips around the world. Live and be happy. Why poke your ex in the nose with this? It's all about the same pride, dislike, unconscious understanding of one's own insignificance as a person. Only notorious scoundrels do this. And you should immediately stop communicating with them.
If it doesn’t lag behind – a statement to the police about harassment (or humiliation of honor and dignity). Save correspondence, voicemails, and any evidence that may help in this case. Such subhumans must be punished. You can also make money on compensation for moral damage. By the way, this is quite real. Such cases are started and won without problems. You just have to want it.
Ex-men don't just show up
Nothing happens by chance. This is the truth of life. Any event happens for certain reasons and leads to certain consequences. Understanding why ex-men appear, you can choose the right tactics for communicating with them. It won't necessarily be something bad. People sometimes meet after 5–10 years of separation and suddenly start a family and then live in happiness. The only thing Madame Georgette asks is that you don’t have a fever. Don’t go into denial right away, but don’t fall into euphoria either. Think carefully about what they want from you, and then make a decision. And this video below will help. Be happy!
Psychology ex-wife seems incomprehensible to many. Sometimes real hostility begins between former spouses, where children suffer the most from cohabitation. Even if the woman herself was the initiator of the breakup, she often cannot let go of her ex-husband for a long time.
Sometimes, even if the relationship ended long ago and the man began to build new family, his ex-wife is also present in his life. She doesn’t want to come to terms with the fact that this person no longer belongs to her, she continues to call, ask for small favors, and share her problems. Of course, this cannot but cause dissatisfaction on the part of the new partner. Sometimes the fact that a husband has a new marriage can make his ex-wife jealous; in this situation, her sense of possessiveness is hurt.
Even if the woman herself initiated the divorce, over time she could well regret it. It is quite possible that she secretly dreams of returning everything back. But her ex-husband has a new family, so she can only be tormented by jealousy and hope that the new marriage will be fragile. The ex-wife may deliberately try to upset the new relationship, constantly call, and come up with excuses for a meeting. She cannot help but understand how her ex-husband’s wife will react to this and deliberately goes for provocations. As a result, her behavior may well become a reason for conflicts and quarrels between spouses, which plays into her hands.
The new wife of a man who has such an ex-wife should approach the problem wisely. Under no circumstances should you show aggression. You should act softly and delicately, making it clear to your rival that she will not succeed and will not be able to return the past.
If the initiator of the divorce was a man, then he must understand how much a woman’s pride can be hurt. Often, spouses are connected by many years lived together and children together. A man’s desire to break up is perceived in this case as a knife in the back, a real betrayal. The woman feels humiliated, used and abandoned, and blames the man for everything. Even if she herself did everything to push him away from her, her own shortcomings and mistakes are most often forgotten.
Sometimes the revenge of an ex-wife can manifest itself in the most unsightly form: scandals (sometimes public), long trials, the discovery of her husband’s unsightly actions known to her to mutual acquaintances. The worst thing is when, as a result of such family wars, a child becomes a weapon. An offended woman tries to limit her ex-husband’s communication with her own children, turns them against their father, and sometimes even puts forward ultimatums to the child: either she or the father. One can only imagine the psychological trauma such a mother inflicts on her child.
The ex-husband needs to try to convince his wife that because the marriage broke up, they have not become complete strangers. He is ready to help financially and psychologically, to take part in the fate of the child. It depends on the man whether he and his ex-wife will part on good terms or become bitter enemies.
Betrayal by one of the spouses is a serious test. And this is exactly how the initiative of one of the parties to break up is perceived. It is difficult to maintain a normal relationship with your ex-wife in such a situation. But you need to try to do this, especially if you have children together. This will help soften such a strong blow to the child’s psyche.
After a divorce, an ex-married couple can maintain friendly relations, or they can disperse as enemies. It all depends on who initiated the divorce and under what circumstances. At the same time, the ex-husband may be actively interested in the life of the ex-wife, and there may be several reasons for this. Next, we’ll take a closer look at why an ex-husband is interested in his ex-wife.
Habit
Every person gets used to the environment. Therefore, it is difficult for men to adapt to a new lifestyle after a divorce. Now no one meets him after work, cooks food, washes his clothes or gives him love and affection. Only after a divorce do men begin to truly appreciate their ex-wife. It is difficult for them to get used to loneliness.
This is a common reason why a husband is interested in the life of his ex-wife. In such cases, the man tries to return his ex-wife or find a worthy replacement for her. If you still have feelings, you can try to improve the relationship. Otherwise, it is better to avoid meetings and not communicate in order to start a new happy life faster. This applies to both men and women.
Feelings left
Quite often the reason is the feelings that a man still has. He cannot forget his ex-wife because he still continues to love her. Therefore, they are trying by all available means to return the old relationship. He begins to look for casual meetings with her, calls more often and makes pleasant surprises. In addition, men can also be aggressive towards their ex-wives. In this case, you can return to your previous relationship or try to avoid your ex-husband. It all depends on the specific situation.
Jealousy
Most men are possessive and want a woman to belong only to them. This is a fairly common reason why my ex-husband is interested in my life.
If a woman starts a new romantic relationship after a divorce, her ex-husband automatically becomes jealous.
He cannot allow his wife to date others. The ex-husband mistakenly believes that after him the woman will not be able to start new life and will not be able to find a new lover. As a result, everything happens the other way around. When a woman is happy, ex-men don't like it and may become aggressive towards her. In this case, you should avoid meeting your ex-husband by all means. You need to forget about him and not answer phone calls. This is the only way to start a new life.
Children
If after the divorce the children remained with their mother, then this may also be the reason why the ex-husband is interested in me. If a man loves his children, then he will try to give them maximum attention. At the same time, he will be interested in what conditions they live in and whether they have new dad. Therefore, the life of the ex-wife will be under the close attention of her husband. A father who loves his children wants a better future for them, so he is interested in every detail.
At the same time, there is no need to prohibit the father from seeing his children. It is worth limiting your communication with your ex-husband. This way he won’t have any reason to be interested in your personal life. It is necessary to limit meetings and phone calls. The father should come only to the children and communicate exclusively with them. This will allow you to improve your personal life and push back ex-man to the background.
Psychologist's answer
Every fourth A divorced man in Russia marries his former wife. A every third would like to do this. Statistics also say that up to 30 percent of divorced men turn to psychologists and psychotherapists for help.
The reason for such an ordeal for a man who was once inspired by a new lady is depression and a bitter feeling of loneliness. But why?
There comes deep regret about what has been done. True, not immediately. In the first months after divorce, men do not experience pronounced depression. Yes, and obsessive memories of the past family life Our eagles, alas, are not persecuted. Ex-wives are simply shocked that their former husband so easily fluttered out of the warm family nest.
But then, more precisely in the middle of the second year after the divorce, it all begins. Psychologists call this time the “seventeenth month syndrome.” It is after this period that ex-husbands begin to have problems with themselves. Many of them are so confused that they eat everything immensely, washing down what they eat with alcohol. They twitch, fuss, even work ceases to interest them. And the most amazing thing that happens to them is the loss of intimate desires. It’s hard to believe this, because the infidel dreamed of some vivid sensations that were different from everyday intimacy with his wife. These symptoms also have their reasons.
It's simple: a closer acquaintance with new woman brings not only pleasant moments, but also often resentment and disappointment. No less than the wife did, they are criticized, reproached, saddled with exorbitant worries about new family. And their new women can be unfaithful too. Such relationships turn out to be more impulsive than the thorough ones they had with their previous spouse. They are quickly changing their ideas about freedom. It turns out that there is nothing unusual about the new chosen one. Very soon the same everyday intimacy begins that I had with my wife. And most often, the dreams of a divorced man are almost never realized.
And there is no holiday. Then the man begins to evaluate his previous family life more and more realistically. And what’s surprising: the brightest episodes of the previous marriage emerge by themselves. What's next?
And then 65 percent of divorced men will remarry within the next five years. Many of them do not regret the divorce, but are convinced that their first wife was better. Another 15 percent get married between 5 and 10 years after the divorce.
Psychologists do a lot of research on the “seventeenth month syndrome” and have come to the conclusion that at this time most divorced people think about returning to their family. Another thing is that not all ex-husbands are accepted back. But
or otherwise, two-thirds of men three years after a divorce consider their “ex” a more worthy person than new wife or mistress.
Do husbands return after divorce?
Sometimes after a divorce, not even six months have passed before the ex-husband begins trying to return to his wife. Sometimes people leave for ex-wives from new families: there all the difficult stages of family life need to be gone through again, whereas in the old family much has been settled long ago and each other’s habits have been studied. Only after leaving their family and returning to a single life do many men realize how much they loved their wife and children. “We don’t keep what we have; if we lose it, we cry.” In the male community, returning to a wife is often secretly frowned upon; it is considered a sign of weakness, which is why many men never dare to return, although they suffer from depression and longing for their family.
Pavlov's dog
Do we often think about how important the established order of things is for us? Men quickly get used to the way of life established in the family. Next to his wife, it is easier and clearer for him, he knows what will lead to praise and what can lead to conflict.
The wife becomes a “life friend” about whom the husband knows almost everything (and who knows him just as well). It is sometimes difficult to refuse a three-course meal prepared the way a man likes it, traditional walks with his son, and even his favorite sofa, from which it is so comfortable to watch football!
Calculating Males
In many cases, a man is connected with a woman not only by a shared feeling, but also joint property. Then the husband may return because it is expensive to pay for rent, but it was possible to live in the ex-wife’s apartment practically for free. And with a joint budget, life was better than on one salary. Whether or not to accept a man who clearly needs to make his own existence easier is up to you to decide ex-wife. Such marriages can last a long time, but often there is no happiness in them. Sometimes after a divorce a man is left without a good job and cannot find a similar position. In such cases, sometimes a decision is made to return: for the sake of a good salary, for the sake of connections.
Dispersal field
Some men prefer to live “on two fronts”: they feel good in their new life, but they continue to perceive their old family as a place where they can always return if things don’t work out. They may spend several days a week with the family, be interested in the personal life of their ex-wife (and even be jealous), and promise that they will return soon. If the wife still loves her husband, this life can continue for years. She will try to please him, to be “ideal,” and he will take it for granted. Most likely, the ex-husband will not return “for good.” Why, if he is already satisfied with everything?
Guest
I still wish my ex a happy birthday. And he me. And he knows that I have no feelings for my ex. And recently, my husband’s ex found him among his classmates and offered friendship. She is married with two children. They talked, what's wrong here? You have to break up when you are not loved, not appreciated, or cheated on. Well, he’s interested in how his ex is doing... I’m also curious, how are the exes doing, they’re not married.
I have the same garbage, but mine rarely comes in, it infuriates me and so I decided that I can’t stand it, it always slips that if the interest means it hasn’t cooled down, and they broke up a long time ago, not a year or two, and as far as I know very We broke up badly, but then we saw interest, I moved to a foreign country and left him Good work and your life, interests, and this goat decided to do this, so you decided to go and live mercifully and delve into the past, but I want to look into the future.
neteraser
I agree, all normal people visit the pages former time from time to time) If, of course, such an opportunity exists. Sometimes you come across such bad ones that you don’t want to go in. There are many reasons. Over time, you will begin to look at your ex-husband’s page less and less. But this does not mean that you necessarily need to get rid of it completely. Everything is fine, in short.
Andrey Krasavin
Surely he wants to compare the degree of well-being of his and her life. Hoping that things get a little worse for her..)
Rinat Garifulin
No matter how much you feed the wolf, he will always look into the forest. If he always looks into the past, it means that his interest and strong desires remain there and they haunt him; he cannot control it. It seems to me that there are two options here: 1, reorient him completely towards himself, so that he has no desire to look into the past and this is not a matter of one day. 2 talk to him three or four times, posing the question bluntly like quit, etc... and wait, he will definitely show himself.
T-O-N-J-A
eh... I admit, I’m also a sinner 🙂 why? to make sure I'm doing better than them. too anxious, I need to constantly affirm that everything is fine with me, what I did right choice... maybe somewhere I perceive further life without each other as a competition. maybe there are other sides? but today what I can explain
kristi
but my ex-husband left me with my child 3 years ago for the sake of some kind of trash... he still comes, but only drunk, and cries that he loves... but leaves for the one for whom he left... so interesting!!! I'm so tired of all this already.
You broke up a long time ago, but interest in this person haunts you. You go to his page on the social network and, on occasion, ask mutual friends how things are going on his personal front. Or worse, you're haunted former passions your husband or boyfriend. Not in the sense that they call you on the phone and demand the return of your loved one - but you just can’t stop comparing yourself to them. Psychologists believe that there are very specific reasons for this behavior.
Hundreds of women follow the lives of their ex-partners after breaking up. With the advent of the Internet, the temptation to “peep” has become even stronger. You can visit his page at social network, read the blog and look at things done without you.
Psychologists believe that a possible reason for this behavior is the reluctance to let the person out of your life. While you are watching him, it is as if something else connects you. If this happens several weeks or months after the breakup, this behavior is quite normal: you just haven’t come to terms with the loss yet. But when you continue to collect information about your ex-partner after a year or even several years, this is a reason to think.
What is missing in your current life, what evidence are you looking for in the past? Maybe you still blame yourself for a failed relationship or hope for its renewal? Or do you still want to judge “who is to blame”?
A hidden desire for revenge is another motive for “keeping an eye” on your ex-partner. He offended you, and you subconsciously want to make sure that he will literally disappear without you! You hope that his new girlfriend will turn out to be stupid and ugly, his friends will turn away from him, he will stagnate, and so on.
If it doesn't come down to actual revenge, your feelings are completely normal. Try to “talk out”, write or draw your resentment towards your former life partner. Place it in front of you soft toy or the same pillow, imagine that this is the same person who was dear to you. Tell him how his behavior hurt you, how you felt during the quarrels and during the separation. Pound a pillow or punching bag, if you have one. Repeat this from time to time if necessary. should gradually subside, and along with it, interest in the ex-boyfriend will disappear.
Jealousy over the past of your current boyfriend or husband can also be torment. Women are able to find a lot of comparisons that are not in their favor: his “ex” was slimmer, more beautiful, more successful, had a career, drove a car... The mental “competition” can last indefinitely. Such torment is typical for girls with, as well as for owners.
If you have a low opinion of yourself, it will be useful to remember that your chosen one is now with you, and not with that slender, beautiful and successful (as you think) woman. It means there is something in you that she couldn’t give him. As for possessive instincts, their owner will have to realize: although her husband is called her “other half,” he is still not her property.
A man will always have a part of his life that is closed to you: conversations with friends, past relationships, his own thoughts. Trying to invade this territory is like putting a noose around the neck of your relationship; it would be much wiser to accept his “autonomy”. Respecting his right to “his territory” will only strengthen his feelings. By the way, an increased desire for control also often stems from self-doubt and fear of losing a partner.
The desire to delve into the past may also be associated with a lack of thrills in one’s own life. You fan sparks of jealousy to add some spice to your everyday life. But this will not last long, and the method is not the most constructive. Perhaps it’s better to think about working together with your spouse, improving your qualifications, or even having a child?
If you just can’t get rid of the stings of jealousy towards your “ex”, there is good way channel this energy in the right direction. Find in jealousy an incentive for self-improvement. Your ex-husband's current flame dresses like, but have you always preferred jeans and turtlenecks? Save up some money and make an appointment with a stylist. Looking at the photos of your rival, slender as a doe, don’t suffer at home - buy a fitness subscription. You might consider studying foreign language, lessons in hand-made creativity or cooking, or even about changing professions. Undertake any activity that will help you rise in your own eyes. Moreover, there will be less and less time for jealousy.
