Psychology

And what do you like?

One pleasant young man puzzled me with this question. I don’t know about you, answering these kinds of questions has always been extremely difficult for me. What do I like? At that time, I liked everything: a cozy cafe, where it was so pleasant to warm up after the harsh Moscow frost that awaited our return, a sweet latte with cinnamon and my favorite coconut syrup, a huge brownie, which did not frighten me at all with its size, and even with its companion I was not indifferent... But they expected an answer from me.

Sun, mango and sea - that was the first thing that came to my mind. But still the question remained open for me personally.

You know, it’s much easier for me to answer the opposite question. There are two things I really don't like: being late and seafood. The first - because of the inner feeling that I am almost betraying a person, yes, such are my quirks, the second - because of the disgusting smell, may lovers of shrimp and other delicacies forgive me. I treated everything else at least equally.

I really love the sun. I like it when I'm hot, I like to wear light things. Although I also truly love my warm cozy beige sweaters. I love drinking strong black tea with honey from my huge half-liter mug. I also love green tea, always cold, preferably with ice. I love sweet fruits, so much so that I would happily trade my diet for a year's supply of oranges and mangoes. I love shopping, looking at fashion magazines and imagining myself as one of their heroines. I love to dream and believe in making my dreams come true. I like to sleep until three in the afternoon under my soft, warm blanket, and then leisurely eat my favorite porridge with cherries for “breakfast.” I love my red lipsticks. I love to take care of myself and most often look at my beautiful reflection in the mirror. In the end, I love myself...

While I was writing my entire list, a strange feeling arose inside me, very similar to happiness. You know, like when you were a child, when you waited a whole week for the weekend to go with your parents to the carousel and drink the most delicious Coca-Cola from a glass with a straw. Such simple and uncomplicated happiness, which, however, we often lack. It is precisely this that is hidden in the little things, and it is precisely this that we most often do not notice. We are often told that we need to be simpler, but people tend to complicate everything, and apparently it’s true: happiness is simple.

Now I’ll go and make myself my favorite tea, wrap myself in a cozy blanket and turn on some simple but good movie, and won’t think about anything - because this is exactly what I love.

P.S. What do you like?

Love is an extremely subjective feeling and concept, but everyone who has fallen into its network can confidently say that there is nothing more beautiful and desirable in the world. However, how not to be mistaken in your feelings and recognize the first “symptoms” of love fever? It's no secret that infatuation, infatuation, passion and love have similar characteristics. And it is extremely difficult to see the difference, because the difference lies deep inside us. How to understand whether you still love a person or not? Let's answer a few important questions and understand what is hidden behind the irresistible craving for the chosen one.

First of all, you need to think about why this question arose in the first place. Where did this idea come from? It's quite simple. At the beginning of a relationship, when the candy-bouquet romance “blooms and smells,” the girl or guy does not doubt their own feelings at all - we are firmly convinced that we love this person!

However, after a few months (or weeks), the rose-colored glasses fall off, and the lover begins to wonder how much his chosen one corresponds to the ideal. Are emotions real? Maybe it's just sympathy? In this case, feelings fade into the background, and the calculating mind is in the center. He seeks to cool the fervor of our emotions, taking care, among other things, of a heart that may break. The voice of reason is a good phenomenon, indicating a healthy human psyche.

The concept of “love” is unique and individual, since everyone loves in their own way. However, common features are common to all people without exception: love is something good, warm, expensive, associated with a feeling of comfort when your chosen one is nearby.

Signs of love

Finding out whether you really love a person is not always easy or simple. What to do? Take off your rose-colored glasses and try to look at your own relationships from the outside with maximum honesty. There is no need to listen to friends and “well-wishers”! So, the symptoms of true love:

Unselfishness. True love is a selfless feeling. If a man or woman is looking for benefits, constantly waiting for the chosen one to do something for him or, especially, help him financially, there is no need to talk about love. These are not emotions, but use.
Sexual attraction. Can true love exist without sex? It’s difficult to say, since everyone hears about so-called platonic love, which does not imply physical contact. However, many psychologists are confident that love is always combined with sexual attraction, which is completely natural. Along with the desire to possess, a person in love wants to see and hear the chosen one, to be nearby just like that, not because of the satisfaction of “animal” instincts.
Unconditional acceptance. To love is to accept a partner with all his advantages and disadvantages. A person in love does not seek to remake the chosen one to suit his patterns. Do you want to change something about your dear friend? Most likely, this is not love.
Confidence. The ability to trust a loved one is an important indicator of true love. If you are used to sharing your problems and joys with your partner, you are not afraid that you will not be understood or laughed at, this is SHE. Incomplete trust is one of the signs that you still do not love this person.
Consistency. True love differs from falling in love in that it is not influenced by any external circumstances. For example, if relatives and friends oppose the chosen one, a loving person will defend his opinion and feelings. In addition, real emotions do not change plus to minus, even if the partner turned out to be far from perfect.
Sacrifice. Love implies the willingness to sacrifice oneself for the sake of the one whom the heart considers the best person in the world. Sacrifice does not imply the desire to receive anything in return, the most important thing is moral satisfaction from the happiness of a loved one.

Several ways to understand if you are in love

Of course, we would need some kind of indicator that would allow us to determine whether it is love or not. However, wise scientists have not yet invented such a device, which is why we will “identify” interest, affection, sex, sympathy and love according to certain signs and parameters.

Method No. 1. Test

Can't understand your own experiences and feelings? Answer a few simple questions:

Do you think about him (her) before falling asleep, do you want to wish him pleasant dreams?
Are you trying to make him happy?
Do you feel good and calm next to your chosen one?
When you think about him, smile, blush and get excited?
Are you counting the hours until you meet him?
Do you consider him the best man (woman)
You know about all his shortcomings, but continue to accept him for who he is?
Does being separated from him for a long time worry you?

If you answered a confident “yes” to all the questions, congratulations, your feelings are sincere. If you feel unsure about the answers, it’s worth thinking about it. Remember that the test should be taken in your normal state, avoiding special joys and quarrels.

Method number 2. Pros and cons

A common psychological method is to divide a sheet of paper into two columns and write down the positive and negative qualities of your chosen one. This way you can get your real attitude towards him and a vision of his personality.

Analyze the number of pros and cons. What is your loved one made of? Advantages or disadvantages? The predominance of positive qualities is another joyful evidence of your love and good attitude towards your partner.

Method number 3. Meditation

It is more comfortable to sit in a soft chair, on a carpet that is pleasant to your body - you will have to spend half an hour on it. In addition, there should be no distractions or extraneous thoughts. It is easier to enter a “trance” by focusing on your own breathing.

Having calmed down and detached yourself from extraneous thoughts, imagine this person. Happened? How do you feel? Do you want to come up, kiss, hug, or run away? Decide on all your feelings (negative and positive) that arise when the image of your loved one appears.

Method number 4. “He is no more”

Quite a cruel, but effective technique. Try to imagine that your chosen one is no longer with you (no need to get hung up on this idea). Or perhaps you've never dated at all. What are you thinking about? Are such representations comfortable? Or perhaps they only bring you pain and discomfort? We understand the significance of a thing or person when we no longer possess it. The result of reflection will be an understanding of what feelings you have for your chosen one.

Love or affection?

Another common question: how can you understand whether you love a person or is it just affection? First of all, you need to understand that pure relationships and emotions are almost never found. Love, jealousy, sexual attraction, desire, affection - we experience all this at the same time, but only in different proportions.

As we said above, selfless care is considered an important sign of true love. Attachment is considered a kind of psychological dependence on a chosen one or partner.

The main feature of attachment is not selflessness and happiness, but dependence and sometimes the suffering that a dependent person experiences. If attachment is accompanied by special feelings that deprive a person of freedom, we can talk about psychological obsession.

So, understanding your true emotions and experiences is sometimes quite difficult. But if you are firmly convinced of the correctness of your own choice, you should not doubt your chosen one. Love is the most beautiful feeling that should be enjoyed, especially if it is mutual. Love and be loved!

“Love” is a very deep concept. The concept of love includes a lot. This includes patience, forgiveness, and mutual respect. It is imperative to respect each other, without this there will be no love.

I had a friend who was a painter. Charming, charming man. And my wife worked in the district administration. Auntie is very kind, she always invited me to visit. And a very loving mother and wife. The husband drank, cheated, behaved outrageously - this often happens with artists. The last ten years of his life were very difficult - he had a broken neck, then brain cancer, he became like a plant, and before that he was a smart person. She left work, nursed him, sold his books, dishes, nothing was left in the house. Then his mother was also in his arms, and she looked after her. This was not the same man she married. But she looked through the photographs and said: “My soul mate has left. How will I continue to live? Instead of saying: “Thank God, I suffered!” This is what I understand!

Love is not when you love because he is so handsome, correct, non-drinking, non-smoking, wealthy, but when you simply love. Love - it doesn’t see flaws.

Or such a common situation when a person is loved, but he cheats. Often the other half knows about it, but tries not to show it. Loves and forgives. He comes up with excuses: “Yes, he has such a character, he can’t live without it.” It is too . The moment of patience, the ability to forgive is the most important property of love.

Love is probably when you love the shortcomings of another person. If a person seems beautiful, smart, talented to you, this is not necessarily love. It's another matter if you know and love the shortcomings that he has.

It was not me who noticed this, but my husband. I don’t have the best character in the world; if a lot doesn’t work out at once, I can take out my bad mood on my loved ones. The husband endures everything with a smile, endures it, and then says: “Well, nothing. I realized that I love you by the fact that I love you even when you are angry.”

And he knows how to switch it so that this bad mood disappears, you quickly calm down, sober up, and realize that you look very funny.

Giving of oneself in true love is always reciprocal. In a couple or family, it happens that someone loves and someone does not. Someone takes advantage of the love of another and lives off of it. If a person loves, he can forgive everything. And if you don’t love a person, then, although in a Christian way you understand that you need to forgive him, you cannot.

And if you love a person, you will justify him. You will not justify yourself, but this person. You will think: why did he do this, why did he do this, what is your fault?

When people love each other, it is good for them to simply remain silent. There is no need to discuss anything. They feel good. Or if they are lying in bed, they don't have to make love, it's just good for them to be close. Someone dear, warm next to you... He won’t hurt you in any way. Even if he snores, it’s familiar snoring. If you push it, it will turn over to the other side. And if someone else snores, you think: “Who even lives with him like that?!”

A friend counted seven intonations of snoring in her husband! You can’t stomach someone else’s man like that: you see these shortcomings in him. You won’t make excuses for him: maybe he has something wrong with his health, maybe his nose is stuffy. But the one you love, you will always justify him.

– There is a common recipe for recognizing love: if you wish a person happiness, this means that you love, and if you want to possess him, this means passion.

- May be. Because you limit yourself in many ways, you no longer live for yourself, so that you become someone, gain something or have something, but more for another person. You worry about his health, you think about his psychological state, how he feels, how his career is going... And he is also worried about you...

– How to wait for it, this one, how to prepare?

– Ever since I was a teenager, I had the idea that I should meet my special person. I was 13 or 14, I was walking in the park with my dog, and I met a couple, about 90 years old. They walked holding each other’s arms and, apparently, had lived together all their lives. At the same time, they looked at each other so tenderly, with such understanding! I looked and thought: I want the same. I wanted to meet a person with whom I would walk like this, arm in arm, even if I was very old, what kind of beauty we were talking about then, but so that I could feel good with this person.

And my husband has the same attitude. He says, I also want us to be together when we are 70-80 years old. We complement each other so much that when Ilya leaves to write in Tutaev, he gets bored, calls and says: “I feel good where you are.” And I feel good where he is. It's some kind of symbiosis.

Beauty, passion are nice, but what if you get sick or have an accident, and beauty and health are no longer there? Not every person will want to take the vessel out from under you and stand guard by your bed. After all, there are still many healthy and beautiful women and men around.

There were moments in my life when I was on the verge of life and death. And I realized that I married the man who needs me in any condition. Many people are fine when everything is fine. But if you have some kind of trouble, your person should be such that he does not betray you. Your person is your support, your rear, your protection. And you are his rear, he also feels that you will not betray him. That he is always welcome at home, that here he can relax, relieve the stress and tension of the outside world, that he will feel good here, he is psychologically protected here.

Artist Olga Motovilova-Komova

How to understand if you really love someone

Love is a very complex plane, which must always be discussed in a rather subjective tone. A particularly difficult question in love is: “Do I really love this person?”

Many girls sometimes cannot understand what feelings they have for this or that person. When we turn to tests, clairvoyants and friends with this question, we make a mistake, because we don’t need to ask it to anyone else, but to ourselves.

Try to answer honestly the three questions that we propose, and then you will be able to understand whether you really love a person.

Imagine that this person is not in your life. Will you miss him? Take this issue seriously. Do not accept the fact that this person may live somewhere abroad. Love has obstacles if there is love. But if this person is not there, will you be worried about this?

If your loved one has health problems, will you stay with that person? One of the important life questions that many psychologists resort to. The promise to be in sickness and in health, which is taken from those who marry, arose for a reason. If the person next to you has real health problems, will you be able to devote your life to him?

How do you feel when someone speaks badly about your loved one, even if you are in a quarrel? And don’t confuse this with someone saying something as a joke. When you're really angry at a person, that's when your real feelings for them come out. Do malicious words addressed to him offend you? After all, if you love a person, then even at the moment of offense you will defend him in front of others.

Try to answer these three questions honestly and, having received answers to them, you will, if not 100% be able to find the answer to your question, then at least get closer to understanding what you really feel for a certain person.

When we love, we are filled with the brightest feelings. And it is very important to tell your significant other about these feelings. We suggest making the confession beautiful and touching: for example, write to the guy 100 reasons why you love him. And we will tell you beautiful words...

Confessions to a guy from a girl

I love you for the little things...And for the great things: for giving me the best that is in your life, for sharing joys with me, comforting me in moments of sadness and giving me the courage to move on.
I love you because I can always count on your help.
Because when I'm wrong, you always know how to make me laugh.
For the fact that, despite the bad moments, we still stay together.
That no matter the situation, you will always be by my side.
Because you give me the happiness of loving and the desire to create our future together.
I love you because you warm my hands when I'm cold.
Because you look at me in a way that others don’t.
Because you have the courage to endure my whims.
I feel safe next to you.
You are the most extraordinary guy in the whole world.
I love you because you make me delicious coffee every morning.
After we met, another sun appeared in my life that illuminates my life - it’s You!
You understand me perfectly.
I love you because we can realize our craziest ideas together.
For not worrying about what others say.
For listening and supporting me.
Because you are very smart and know the answers to almost all my questions.
I love you for your jokes and anecdotes.
For making me feel needed and appreciated.
Because when I feel bad, I can just bury myself in your shoulder and not think about anything.
For holding my hand tightly when we walk down the street.
Because you adore my freckles.
With you, I feel like a little girl - happy, carefree and spontaneous.
Even when you're angry with me, you don't stop loving me, and that's just wonderful!
It's never boring with you.
For my sake, you can miss the broadcast of your favorite team's match.
I love you because you showed me what true love is.
Next to you I become a real woman.
Every day you show me what loyalty is.
You have the most tender hands in the world.
I love you because you are present in all my dreams and dreams every second.
I love you because every time I fall asleep during our conversation, you sit quietly, afraid to disturb my sleep.
I love you because you carry me to bed if I fall asleep on the sofa.
I love you because you always worry about me when I am sick.
I love you for your patience.
Because you love me for who I am.
For coming up with funny and cute nicknames for me.
For gently stroking my head.
Because you hold me tightly in your arms at night, and if I have a nightmare, you kiss me and tell me that I’m safe. And I really feel protected next to you.
I love you because after our quarrels you always ask for forgiveness, even if I was wrong.
For the fact that you can wait a whole hour for my “5 more minutes.”
For the fact that you become my oasis of peace and tranquility when I am too nervous or worried.
Because you can patiently listen to my long stories about “women’s things.”
For giving me the last piece of chocolate.
Because you call me the most beautiful girl in the world.
Because you always smell nice, even if it's just soap.
Because I can always rest my head on your shoulder.
I love you even for your cute snoring.
I love you because your voice can warm me, even if it’s 30 degrees below zero outside.
I love you for your compliments, even if they are not true.
I love you for your infectious laughter.
You kiss me every time I confess my love to you.
When I cry, only you can comfort me.
When I'm not around, you miss me, although you don't always admit it.
I love you because you always eat what I have prepared, even if the dish was unsuccessful.
You are my hero.
I love you because every day you inspire me to improve, to be kinder and more feminine.
I love you because you hug me from behind when I wash dishes or prepare food.
I love you for your jealousy.
You are the most courageous guy in the world.
I love you for your smile.
I love your enthusiasm and determination.
I love you because every day spent with you is unique.
I love you because with you I can always behave naturally and at ease.
I love you for every minute of our shared life.
I love you for being next to me every day. Even if you are on the other side of the world, I always feel your presence.
Because you are only mine.
Because you are sincere.
After we met, my life took on meaning.
If you're near, I feel butterflies in my stomach.
You are my drug.
I love you because you are never angry with me for a long time.
You are one of a kind, unique guy.
With you, I can easily overcome any obstacle.
With you I can share all my responsibilities, joys, sorrows and worries.
You are a person worth living for.
Your every touch gives me joy.
I love your every gesture, look and word.
I love you because you are my sun, my inspiration, my hidden dreams, my paradise, my great pride.
You give me joy from anticipation and sweetness from each of our meetings.
I love you because you think I'm special.
Only you know what feelings exist between us.
I love you because you give me wings.
I love you because you always warm me up when I'm cold.
You make the most delicious pancakes in the world.
I can just be silent with you.
You make my heart beat faster.
You fill my life with bright colors.
Without you it’s like without a smile - gloomy.
I love you simply because you appeared in my life and became the most important person in it.
I love you because you give me strength, energy and faith in a happy future.
I love you because you saved me from loneliness.
I love you for dozens of SMS a day.
Because you give me so many good things like no one else.
Because we can laugh at a variety of things together.
Because you surprise me every day
Next to you I am a real queen.
I love you because you always find time to be with me.
And most importantly, I love you without any explanation, because I don’t need any reasons to give you my care and tenderness all my life!

Your lover will certainly appreciate such an original and touching confession. And we can only wish that your mutual love becomes stronger and more beautiful every day!