Why let go. Psychologist's advice on how to let go of a person from thoughts. How to erase the person you love from your thoughts

Signs it's time to give up your relationship with your loved one and move on

Yes, it is often very difficult for us to abandon relationships with a loved one, but it happens that only by letting go of them and continuing to move forward, you can become stronger, wiser, and, ultimately, happier.

In this article, I've compiled ten signs that it's time to let go and move on:

Someone wants you to be someone you are not. - Do not try to change your very essence for the sake of someone else. It is much wiser to lose someone, being yourself, than to hold back, pretending that you are someone else. And remember - it's easier to heal a wounded heart than to pick up a broken personality. It is easier to fill the place in your life where the other person was than the place within you where you were.
The words of this person are at odds with the deeds - and strongly. - We all sometimes need someone to inspire us and help us look to the future with hope. And if the person next to you has a completely opposite influence on you, if his words are constantly at odds with his deeds - well, apparently, it's time to end your relationship with him. And it's better to be alone than in such a company. True friendship is the strongest of vows, silent, unwritten, yet unbreakable. Don't listen too much to what other people have to say. Take a look at what they are doing. There are not so many real friends in every person's life, but sooner or later you will find them.
You caught yourself trying to get someone to love you. - Remember once and for all - it is impossible to make someone love us. And we shouldn't beg someone to stay if they want to leave. This is the essence of true love - freedom. But life does not end with the end of love. And know - although love sometimes leaves us for some reason, it always leaves something behind. And if someone really loves you, they will never let you doubt it. Anyone can enter your life with the words "I love you", but only those who tell the truth are ready to stay in it and prove how much they love you. Sometimes in order to find this particular person, we have to try, but it's worth it. Always.
Your personal relationship is based only on physical attractiveness. - Beauty is not only about the appearance that makes people look after you, or how others perceive you. This is what we live for. What defines us. What is hidden in the depths of your heart, and that, adds to our uniqueness. What makes us who we are are all these little quirks and oddities. And those who were attracted only by your cute face or beautiful body, if they stay close, it is unlikely for a long time. But those who discern the beauty of your soul will never leave you.
Your trust is constantly betrayed. - Love is when you give someone a chance to hurt you right in the soul, but you trust so much that you believe - this person will not do that. And this can end in only one of two things - either this relationship will last until the end of your life, or you will remember this lesson for a lifetime. But any of these options are actually positive. You will either make sure that the person you have trusted is worthy of this trust, or you will get the opportunity to rid your life of him and look for another. And in the end you will understand who is worth what, and who is the only one who is ready to risk everything for you. And believe me, a lot of people are capable of surprising you.
You are constantly underestimated. - Know your worth! When you strike up a close relationship with someone who doesn't respect you, you tear off a piece of your soul that will never grow back. For all of us, there comes a time when we should just give up and stop chasing some people. If someone wants you to be in their life, they will find a way to leave you there. Sometimes you just need to let go of the person you are chasing and admit that you do not like his attitude towards you. If he wants to leave, let him go. Sometimes it's easier than trying to hold on. Yes, we find it difficult and painful ... until the moment we do it. And then we ask ourselves, "Why didn't I do this before?"
You never speak heart to heart. - Sometimes a quarrel can save your relationship, and silence can destroy it. Chat with people. Speak to them heart to heart, from a pure heart, so that you don't have any regrets afterwards. You did not come into this world to be happy, but to be honest and share your happiness with others.
You are constantly required to sacrifice your happiness.- If you let people take more from you than they give, your balance will become negative much faster than you imagine. Try to understand when to snatch the credit card of your life out of greedy hands. It is better to be alone, but keep pride, than to remain in a relationship with someone who constantly requires you to sacrifice your own happiness and self-respect.
You really don't like your current situation, lifestyle, work, and so on. “It’s better to fail at something you really enjoy than to succeed at something you hate. Don't let someone who has given up on their dream rob you of yours. The best thing you can do with your life is to walk it in obedience to your heart. To risk. You shouldn't take the path of least resistance just because you are afraid of what might happen. For on this path nothing will happen to you at all and never. Take risks, make mistakes, learn from them - it's worth it. Yes, climbing to the top of the mountain is not easy, but when you get there, you will realize that it was worth every drop of blood, tears and sweat spilled.
You understand that the past does not let you go, and you continue to live it. - Sooner or later you will forget about the heartache, forget about what caused you to cry and those who hurt you. Sooner or later, you will understand that the key to happiness and freedom is not in power, and even more so not in revenge, but in letting life go its own way, and learning everything you can from it. After all, in the end, the most important chapter in your life will not be the first, but the last one in which you will realize how well your whole life story was written. So let go of the past, free yourself, and open your mind to opportunities that bring new relationships and invaluable experiences.

The only thing that you should never let go of is hope. Remember what you deserve and keep moving forward. Believe me - one day all the pieces of the mosaic will come together. Your life will be filled with happiness and contentment, even if not quite as you imagined. And then you will look back at your life, smile, and ask yourself: "How did I manage all this?"

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How to let go of the situation? This is a question that worries individuals who have experienced a difficult life situation and want to quickly find its solution. Not every individual understands the meaning of how to let go of the situation. Some individuals believe that this is fundamentally impossible, she will haunt them constantly. However, the individual still has hope, and he strives to find the answer, how to let go of the situation, how to start living anew, and stop worrying about the painful? If a person often thinks about this, then she should collect her volitional efforts and let go of an exciting situation forever.

A person seeking to understand how to learn to let go of a situation must first analyze their problem. You need to concentrate on it and take it apart, reflect on what specifically worries: unspoken, hidden feelings (, resentment).

A person trying to figure out how to let go of a situation should know: no matter how old this situation is, a year, a month or a couple of days, if it does not leave alone, then it makes sense for a person. A person living by past events will not be able to calmly continue to live and build the future.

To let go of the situation, you should think carefully and then decide what can be done now with this problem, which can produce results right now. The main thing is not to be idle, because this will drag on the situation, and letting it go will be even harder.

To let go of the situation, you should take courage and do everything necessary to help let go of oppressive feelings, if earlier at the right moment a person was afraid, did not want to, did not dare to say or do what was right. It will be possible to let go of the problem when the person dares to do everything necessary for this.

Sometimes, in order to let go of a problem situation, you need to distract yourself from it. You should think about why, due to the current situation, a person cannot experience personal happiness, live a free life, is life really so monotonous that there is nothing to do, except how to reproach himself.

You should not assume that life will get better, solely with the achievement of a specific goal or if a certain person is nearby. The thought that it is impossible to be happy without this will not allow a person to grow personally and develop further, all the more, negative thoughts will only stall a person. You need to believe that everything will turn out for the best, since time passes, and with it all feelings are smoothed out, anger passes, resentments seem not so serious.

To change life, correct mistakes, let go of the situation, you should be in an elevated good mood, because a person is trying to change everything for the better, and therefore to a positive result. Optimism is not an indicator of a person's frivolity, as some think, it allows him to be firm in intentions, strengths, and it means to understand well his main goal and task.

Many are unable to let go of the situation, they live it, feed on the sensations that they experience, scrolling through certain moments in their heads each time. These people are dependent on external factors, therefore they are unable to let go of their situation and find a solution.

Of course, a problematic situation can be depressing, so you should allow yourself to become happy. To do this, you should sincerely forgive yourself for failures and past mistakes, let them go. It is necessary to realize that mistakes or actions have brought experience. It is worth letting go of the past and starting to live again, relying on the foundation of past mistakes, letting in the light and filling your life with it.

How to let go of a situation - psychology

During a showdown, people become very emotional, strong feelings cover their heads, and people no longer find out, but prove each one of their innocence, without hearing the interlocutor and often pronouncing thoughts that appear in their heads, which the individuals themselves do not give an account of. This is how problems are born that become more significant than the original ones.

How to learn to let go of the situation and stop thinking about the situation all the time for a certain time to refresh your thoughts. The longer you think and "change your mind" the situation, the more complex and confusing it will seem. Remembering various details, a person will become more and more angry or sad. This will aggravate the situation and will definitely not help to let it go and fix it.

When they calm down, people realize that they have said too much. Therefore, it is better to initially try to prevent this moment. This requires strong self-control and mindfulness to sense when the situation is starting to escalate and to stop in time.

Following the fact, how a little abstracted from the problematic situation that you want to let go, you need to look at it in a new way. A good way is to replay the situation in your mind, from the side of the observer, in order to analyze your own words and emotions well, and the words of the other side.

To let go of a conflict situation, you need to understand the interlocutor with whom he was guided when he was hostile. Perhaps he then had personality problems that he worried about, so he was angry and poured all his negativity on you. He could even be tired, sick or anxious, so you should not immediately take his malicious statements or actions on yourself.

How to let go of the situation and not think about it in this case? You should imagine yourself standing in the interlocutor's place. It can be assumed that it is also hard for him and he is worried, because he himself did not assume that the situation would accept such an outcome.

Forgiveness often helps in letting go of the situation and moving on with no offense. If it is difficult to immediately talk to a person, you can mentally imagine asking for forgiveness. It is necessary to present him so vividly, as if he is now before our eyes. It doesn't matter who first started the quarrel, and if a person is worried about the situation that has happened and wants to let it go, then certain steps need to be taken. It is worth arousing the most sincere feelings in oneself, apologizing from the heart, saying that he also forgives and does not hold evil and resentment.

It is necessary to do this until a feeling of lightness and freedom overtakes, it should bring with it relaxation and tranquility. When you manage to reach this state, you will be able to let go of the situation.

This method is good for letting go of the situation, contributing to the resumption of relations after the conflict and release from negative feelings. After "trial" forgiveness in absentia, you should dare to meet or talk on the phone, try to strike up a conversation, ask for forgiveness already "live". It is worth doing this in order to finally let go of the situation.

How to let go of the situation - advice from a psychologist:

It is necessary to discard erroneous beliefs. Many by their actions themselves spoil their personal lives. You should not hold on to old principles and beliefs that interfere with adequate contact with people and be afraid to let them go.

People value principles so much that they make critical mistakes because of them, part with loved ones. It is worth admitting to yourself that no one else is to blame for this. If everyone points out to the individual that one cannot be so principled in a relationship, then one should be less categorical. It is required to admit that we made a mistake and let go of beliefs and categorical principles, to be easier, then the world will change.

How to let go of a situation and a person from the heart and thoughts

If a person goes through a situation for a long time, through a person's departure, then he has complexes, he is indecisive, has too much, experiences a sense of guilt and resentment.

To let go of the situation, you need to get rid of these qualities and allow yourself a happy life.

What does it mean to let go of the situation and let go of the person? You need to understand that letting go means living, without memories of a person, thanking for a new experience, putting an end to it, if nothing good is already "sticking together." We must learn to live anew, fully. You need to work out your own feelings, and not just accept the doomed and live on with dark thoughts.

The negative experiences that have accumulated inside, as a result of parting, must find a way out, so the first thing to do is to let them go - cry, do it once, but very thoroughly, so that you feel empty inside and no longer want to cry when remembering these experiences.

How to let go of the situation in a relationship with a man? It is required to consciously evaluate how this relationship proceeded, throw off your "rose-colored glasses", look at this relationship from a different angle. Of course, every woman wants the relationship with a man to be the most ideal, but some quarrels, quarrels and misunderstandings still occur. Therefore, it is worth recalling these unpleasant times, not idealizing the "former" as the only and best.

If a woman is worried about how to let go of the situation in a relationship with a man, you can use one psychotherapeutic method. All disturbing thoughts and disturbing emotions should be expressed by writing a letter. Allow yourself a free flow of thoughts, you need to express what is painful. This technique contributes to the fact that the personality gets from the inside all the hidden feelings that do not give rest, do not allow to experience joy. In this way, she can let go of all emotions, and no one will be offended.

It is necessary to address a specific person, write what you want to express, without thinking about whether it is good or bad, not to hide, not to conceal. But sending it is undesirable, since it will not bring anything good, here the meaning of the method is different. After finishing writing a letter, it must be destroyed, torn, burned or thrown away, and let go of exciting thoughts with it.

In order to let go of a person, it is worth removing all objects that remind him of him (things, gifts), so as not to cry later, remembering the lost moments. Regrets must be dropped. If earlier you had to worry about your partner, devote less time to your needs, now you can become more egocentric, think more about yourself, personal needs that have never had the opportunity to be realized once. Find new grounds for joy. This will help you let go of the situation, and drive your sad and negative thoughts away.

In order not to feel, it is worth enlisting the support of friends, they will find the necessary words, you just have to listen to them a little.

To forget the past will help the understanding that it is necessary to organize your future, to dream, even without a specific person, it will definitely be.

Almost every individual experienced a feeling of unrequited love. In order to more easily let go of a person from thoughts, you need to realize that since he has dropped the offer of love, then you should have pride and you should not constantly impose on him, and again experience rejection, because of which you get even more upset every time. You need to develop self-esteem. If a person found out about feelings, but did not respond to them immediately, then you should take a neutral position. It is necessary to let go of expectations so that they do not accidentally collide with reality, which is completely different from what a person imagines. It is important to be a little philosopher, to think that there is a time for everything, also to reflect that it is impossible for one person to belong to another, if he does not have mutual feelings for him.

In order to let go of the situation in a relationship, you should not idealize the chosen one at all, because he, like all people, has flaws, so you should objectively evaluate them and focus on them. Over time, it will begin to seem that he is not as good as he seemed at first. It is necessary to stop all contacts and connections with him, the less something reminds of him, the faster it will turn out to let him go.

The human psyche has the ability to recreate in memory pleasant memories of life, which are able to give a person a good state, release from anger and resentment, accumulated negative over the years of life, which allows you to mentally rest. This state resembles a state of meditation, which plunges the individual into relaxation, gives balance and serenity, which is very necessary for everyone, especially when a person has problems and intends to let them go, leaving peace in his soul.

To be a healthy, strong, more balanced person, to be able to let go of the situation, you need to regularly plunge into such a relaxed state. Disconnect the body from all the everyday fuss, problems and conflicts, let go of all the accumulated bad and disturbing thoughts about an unworthy person.

Almost everyone often forgets about themselves while worrying about others. Thus, it is driven by erroneous stereotypes that almost always diverge from internal rhythms. It is worth worrying more about yourself, your personal health and watching how others contribute to your life, then if they do not bring sincere joy with happiness, then it is better to let them go from your heart.

How to let go of a relationship situation

In life, there are various situations in a relationship that need to be forgotten. For example, if a partner betrayed or cheated and does not come out to forgive this person, then you should forget and let him go. Didn't he do enough in the relationship to make it his punishment?

To make it easier to let go of the situation in the relationship, you should take into account the available facts, everything that previously happened and is happening. For example, you said goodbye to your partner, even if without scandals, and a little later you start to think how bad it is without him, but he himself does not think to return, then the conclusion itself suggests itself - to let go and live on without dwelling on him.

Once a person begins to think again, to remember him, but if such thoughts leave, then the individual will see that it is still possible to live without him. You should give yourself a clear direction to let go of the situation, not to remember your ex. Obsession with the past can hinder the creation of a happy family, in the construction of new plans. The sooner a person understands this, the faster he can create a new life.

Many individuals believe it is right that after breaking up a relationship it is worth getting rid of feelings, but by doing this they pull themselves back into this love even more. You need to allow yourself these feelings for a while, but set aside time for them, not cry constantly, but do, as always, your urgent matters, but cry out, swear at the appointed time. Thus, a person learns self-control.

If he knows for sure that he allows himself to remember a person at the set time, he will eventually get tired of it. Throughout the day, he is engaged in business, accordingly, he cannot break away from extraneous thoughts, and in the evening, after all the chores at home, he will want to psychologically relax, and not grieve. Since your ex is better off without you, then you too will become a happy person without him.

When a person tries to solve a problem, tries various options, but he cannot do it, then it is best to let go of the situation, i.e. let it go by itself, let it resolve itself. It often happens that while the individual is not fussing, his feelings are smoothed out, and he forgets the thoughts that disturb him earlier. Therefore, time is considered the best doctor. You should stop controlling the situation and observe the current situation.

Having got to the bottom of it, assessing the situation, you can reveal the relationship and make yourself understand - these failed relationships did not have a future. If it happened differently, then they would have ended differently, it is logical after all. So, it is worthwhile to easily let go of the situation.

If you can't let go of the situation on your own, then it is worth enlisting the support of a psychologist who will help resolve urgent problems and difficulties, teach you how to cope with them.

A loving individual, not only of himself, will not limit anyone and adjust his behavior to fit his framework of beliefs. Because no one owes anything to anyone, even if at first he made a promise to love forever. It was just that one person gave importance to these promises, and another said them, but was not going to keep. You should not cling to a person, and for something that does not fit with the course of your life, since this is fraught with big problems, it is better to let him go. We must learn to keep balance, because everything flows and changes.

Letting go of the situation does not give fear, it is also worth getting rid of it. You need to accept the truth and be grateful for it. Letting go with appreciation for the experience in the relationship, which was accompanied by tears and laughter that helped to grow internally. To forget a painful memory, it is necessary to accept what is now, what was, to realize your capabilities. You need to find the strength to accept all life changes, trust your intuition and evaluate your achievements. Any experience is invaluable, only understanding this can you continue your confident successful path.

When problems arise, it is always a test. This is a kind of test for readiness for life changes and risk. If the situation changes, you should not be afraid of it, and take steps back, you should go exclusively forward. Because life is moving forward and you need to let go of the old.

Asking the question of how to let go of the situation in a relationship, you must tell yourself that you should stop clinging to them, and live your future. When a person manages to forget about the past, then in the soul where significant relationships used to take place, a void is formed, and in order not to feel it so strongly, it is necessary to fill it with communication. Make new acquaintances, reunite with former friends and with relatives, and, closing from the rest, a person will feel unhappy.

A series of New Year's holidays. Women dream of spending them with their man. And men often have their own plans: meeting friends, family, just being alone, playing paintball or billiards….
Is it worth making them be with us all the time? Or is it still important to give them the opportunity to be without us? This is what I want to talk about today.

In my opinion, the Vedas are right when they say that do not be afraid of parting, be afraid of divorce, and this phrase is not only about the removal and education of a partner. But also about giving each other personal space, which men need even more than women.

If you have read the book by John Gray "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," then you probably remember such a term as "male cave". The place where he sometimes goes to recover, to put his thoughts and feelings in order, and at the same time to remember how he loves his wife. It doesn't always look like a cave. Most often, this is some kind of hobby outside the home or just a place where he likes to be alone. We are, of course, not talking about brothels and casinos. Rather, it will include fishing with friends, his office and workplace, travel to conferences and events, and even a private office in the house where no one has the right to enter.

When a man has a crisis - and crises of various sizes constantly come to us without knocking - it is important for a man to retire. And think alone.
What do we do most often? Let's be honest? We're trying to scrape it out of there. From the embrace of this cave of his. The motives can be different:

· He's bad! I have to help him!
What if he doesn't love me there?
His friends influence him badly
I need to know what he thinks

And so on. In practice, we are persecuting a man. Sometimes we just try to lure out - very quietly and innocently. Sometimes we break in and make a scandal. Sometimes we gather the public at the entrance to the cave so that everyone would tell him that this should not be done.

There are three types of persecution:

Physical. For example: "You are not going anywhere!" Or you can just follow him on his heels, go fishing after him, make a "surprise" by flying to his conference, or arrange a field kitchen at his work. Without his consent
Emotional. Since we ourselves heal from negative emotions by talking, we try to feed my husband the same pill. "Talk to me! I can see that you feel bad! What happened? Do not be silent!". This not only does not calm a man, but also infuriates
Moral. To become such an ideal wife that he never even thought of going somewhere without me. “Well, how can you, I do everything for you, and you! It's not fair! It is not right! I sacrificed everything for you and didn't go to the concert. And you!!!"

Why is it so unbearable for us to see a loved one resting somewhere without us in some strange way? There are several reasons, some of them lie in our nature, and some in our childhood.

For a woman, intimacy is very important. This is one of our basic needs. And when there is no intimacy, it becomes very difficult for us. The problem is that we decided that a close relationship is possible only with a husband. We don't build them with other people. More precisely, we do not pay enough attention to female friendships. But it is friends who can give us so much intimacy that the mind will calm down for a long time.
We are different. We solve problems with you talking. And we believe that men are arranged the same way. Therefore, we try to help them, not considering that they are different.
Often we just don't know what to dowhen he is not around on the weekend. But what about the ritual viewing of a movie and a walk before bed? With whom to walk?
Loneliness becomes terrible even when as a child, dad had already left us. The child does not understand that dad left mom and not him. And all his life he repeats after mom: "Dad left us both." And then it’s really scary - now he’s leaving, what if there’s the same little jerk that she took away from my mother?
If you have already been abandoned by other men, there were betrayals and painful partings, the topic of male estrangement will also become a problem.
If your parents ignored you, then temporary disregard from a loved one will also hurt you. Just like in childhood. When it's all the same to you - what kind of love can there be?
If you don't have a hobby and outlet, with which you can occupy yourself, you will also suffer, but already from not knowing what to do with yourself. Here it is important to remember that it is only interesting to those who are already interested in themselves.

And what will happen to the man if he is not allowed to go into this very cave?

He becomes passive. He lies for a long time, his enthusiasm for work falls. Not only is he not ready to perform feats, he cannot even go to fetch water. There is simply no motivation. Why? Because the only motivation for a man's actions is love for a woman (or God).
He does not feel love for his wife. Because male love is cyclical. To understand how much he loves his wife, he needs to miss her. And this is the best way to renew feelings. A woman has a different mechanism - after all, we are always in contact with our feelings, so everything is quite stable with us. And a man needs to remember this. Again and again. At least once a month. To fly on wings, bored, and move mountains. Remember the regime in which the knights of the past lived. A crusade - on the wings to a loved one with prey - then again a crusade to return to her again, exhausted from love.
He becomes irritable and angry. The man, who is not released in time, begins to become angry. Everything enrages him, he cannot control himself. In order to regain control of himself, he needs to gather his thoughts and feelings, gather himself together. And he can only do this alone, in his cave. Sometimes his friends may be in this cave. But this is outwardly. In fact, it is collective loneliness. Have you ever seen real fishermen? They will sit far apart and are silent all day. For a woman, it seems crazy, but for men - a real rest.
He can find uncivilized forms of departure. Alcohol, drugs, computer games - this is the same going into a cave, only such going destroys a man's personality and family relationships. But if he has no other option, there is only one so as not to completely go crazy.

In short, a man who is not released into the cave in time becomes not only “uncomfortable”, but also destructive. He can break out of the blue on his wife or children. After that, a feeling of guilt will begin to gnaw him, and will only increase the discomfort.

Separation gives love a special taste. The joyful taste of a meeting when both are bored. And again we are ready to see good in each other. Even if you are only one day apart, when your husband goes to work, in the evening you wait for his return. Because you missed it.

But sometimes you have to go even further. Recently, my husband went to weekly trainings alone. He got on a plane and flew away for a whole week. And the children and I were left alone on the farm. We have not parted for such a long time, it seems that we have never parted like that.

And it turned out that it is so nice to be bored. It is necessary and important for a man to have personal space and personal time. But with the birth of children, we often forget about it. Because we need help. We become more dependent - and it's very scary - to be alone.

With the birth of children, all of our childhood traumas intensify. All that we had not lived through to the end, we accepted and released. When we are terrified of losing a partner, most likely we are afraid of losing our father (or our mother) in him.

When we begin to demand full care and guardianship, it is as if we are trying to replace our parents with a spouse. And so you can go on for a long time. It is the birth of a little man that triggers a chain reaction of our ancestral and childhood memory. When he reaches the age at which something difficult happened for us, it becomes difficult for us too.

Therefore, this desire usually intensifies in us - to be always together - just after the birth of children. We are too vulnerable at this moment to be alone at this moment. But how much we are losing!

It is customary in our family that a husband needs to be alone. Perhaps this could happen more often. I did not immediately understand and accept it. But now, when he says that he wants to go to a cafe alone for a few hours to think, I am glad. I am glad that he will return to others. Rested, joyful, loving, bored. And in this case, the children and I will be able to receive much more warmth and love than if this time were not there.

I don’t know how I decided to let him go in the summer for a whole week, being left in a foreign country without anyone. Sleeping alone was unusual. It was even more unusual to get up in the morning and not find a husband in the house. Children constantly remembered and searched for him, in their life, after all, dad is always there - every morning and every evening.

But I was very happy. I was glad that he would rest from us and from home. Communicate with people, learn something. And he will return to us rested and contented. And we just also managed to miss him very much.

Now I know how useful it is to let him go not only to the nearest cave, but also to the one that is not so close. This should not be abused, but why shouldn't my husband be able to sometimes rest from family life in a civilized way (I am talking, for example, about trainings in other countries, conferences, trips to relatives).

Let's talk more about and what to do with yourself? How can you not go crazy yourself and not ruin him with calls? There are a lot of options (there are generally whole ovs to spend this time effectively and happily):

Read your favorite book
Watching a movie - you can do it alone
Do a general cleaning
Chat with girlfriends
You can invite a friend to visit for a couple of days (I did just that when my husband left for a week for the second time)
Go to a seminar or training
Go to visit your parents
Go for a massage or beauty salon
Participate in a volunteer project
Do your hobby
Go to a dance or art class
Arrange shopping
And so on.

There is a funny story about shopping. When the husband of one girl went on a business trip, she decided to get distracted by shopping. And among other things, I bought myself boots. Regular. And not very cheap. And in the evening my husband called, and the following conversation took place:
- Honey, and I bought boots today!
- You already have boots?
- Yes there is. I just thought that I'd rather buy myself boots and be happy about them than take out your brain with calls
In response, the husband laughed and agreed that it was really better.

Indian girls were once prepared for family life by telling the following parable:

“In the life of every man, once a month there are special days when he must go to the cave. It is his sacred duty to fight the dragon in this cave. It is very dangerous and risky, but it is the duty of every man.
So when you get married, be prepared for it. Once a month, your husband will walk into his cave tense and come back victorious.
Do not under any circumstances pursue him. Because even if you track him down and find this cave, and then try to go inside, this dragon will attack you and burn you with its flame. "

The story is metaphorical, because that very dragon is simply a manifestation of the worst qualities of a husband, which can splash out on the head of an unlucky wife.

Therefore, let's take care of each other and treat with understanding our characteristics and needs. When you let your husband go to the cave, don't forget to take care of yourself!

Many thanks to John Gray and Ruslan Narushevich for their knowledge of the nature of male distance!

Olga Valyaeva

New Year's holidays are approaching. Women dream of spending them with their man. And men often have their own plans. meeting friends, family, just being alone, playing paintball or billiards ...
Is it worth making them be with us all the time? Or is it still important to give them the opportunity to be without us? This is what I want to talk about today.

If you have read the book by John Gray "Men from Mars, Women from Werner," then you probably remember such a term as "male cave." The place where he sometimes goes to recover, to put his thoughts and feelings in order, And at the same time to remember how he loves his wife.

It doesn't always look like a cave. Most often, this is some kind of hobby outside the home or just a place where he likes to be alone. We are, of course, not talking about brothels and casinos. Rather, it will include fishing with friends, his office and workplace, travel to conferences and events, and even a private office in the house where no one has the right to enter.

· He's bad! I have to help him!
What if he doesn't love me there?
His friends influence him badly
I need to know what he thinks

There are three types of persecution:

· Physical. For example: "You are not going anywhere!" Or you can just follow him on his heels, go fishing after him, make a "surprise" by flying to his conference, or arrange a field kitchen at his work. Without his consent
· Emotional. Since we ourselves heal from negative emotions by talking, we try to feed my husband the same pill. "Talk to me! I can see that you feel bad! What happened? Do not be silent!". This not only does not calm a man, it also infuriates him.
· Moral. To become such an ideal wife that he never even thought of going somewhere without me. “Well, how can you, I do everything for you, and you! It's not fair! It is not right! I donated everything for you and did not go to the concert. And you!!!"

Why is it so unbearable for us to see a loved one resting somewhere without us in some strange way? There are several reasons, some of them lie in our nature, and some in our childhood.

· For a woman, intimacy is very important. This is one of our basic needs. And when there is no intimacy, it becomes very difficult for us. The problem is that we decided that a close relationship is possible only with a husband. We don't build them with other people. More precisely, we do not pay enough attention to female friendships. But it is friends who can give us so much intimacy that the mind will calm down for a long time.

· We solve problems with you by talking. And we believe that men are arranged the same way. Therefore, we try to help them, not considering that they are different.

· Often we just don’t know what to do when he will not be around on a weekend. But what about the ritual viewing of a movie and a walk before bed? With whom to walk?

· Loneliness becomes terrible even when dad left us in childhood. The child does not understand that dad left mom and not him. And all his life he repeats after mom: "Dad left us both." And then it’s really scary - now he’s leaving, what if there’s the same little jerk that she took away from my mother?

· If you have already been abandoned by other men, there have been betrayals and painful breakups, the topic of male estrangement will also become a problem.

· If you were ignored by your parents, then temporary neglect from a loved one will also bring you pain. Just like in childhood. When it's all the same to you - what kind of love can there be?

· If you do not have a hobby and an outlet with which to occupy yourself, you will also suffer, but already from not knowing what to do with yourself. It is important to remember that it is only interesting to those who are already interested in themselves.

And what will happen to the man if he is not allowed to go into this very cave?

· He becomes passive. He lies for a long time, his enthusiasm for work falls. Not only is he not ready to perform feats, he cannot even go to fetch water. There is simply no motivation, Why? Because the only motivation for a man's actions is love for a woman (or God).

· He does not feel love for his wife. Because male love is cyclical. To understand how much he loves his wife, he needs to miss her. And this is the best way to renew feelings. A woman has a different mechanism - after all, we are always in contact with our feelings, so everything is quite stable with us. And a man needs to remember this. Again and again. At least once a month. To fly on wings, bored, and move mountains. Remember the regime in which the knights of the past lived. A crusade - on the wings to a loved one with prey - then again a crusade to return to her again, exhausted from love.

· He becomes irritable and angry. The man, who is not released in time, begins to become angry. Everything enrages him, he cannot control himself. To regain control of himself, he needs to gather his thoughts and feelings, gather himself together. And he can only do this alone, in his cave. Sometimes his friends may be in this cave. But this is outwardly. In fact, it is collective loneliness. Have you ever seen real fishermen? They will sit far apart and are silent all day. For a woman, it seems like madness, but for men - a real rest.

· He may find uncivilized forms of care. Alcohol, drugs, computer games - this is the same going into a cave, only such going destroys a man's personality and family relationships. But if he has no other option, there is only one so as not to completely go crazy.
In short, a man who is not released into the cave in time becomes not only “uncomfortable”, but also destructive. He can break out of the blue on his wife or children. After that, a feeling of guilt will begin to gnaw him, and will only increase the discomfort.

With the birth of children, all of our childhood traumas intensify. All that we had not lived through to the end was accepted and released. When we are terrified of losing a partner, most likely we are afraid of losing our father (or our mother) in him.

Therefore, we usually have this desire sharpening - to be always together - just after the birth of children. We are too vulnerable at this moment to be alone at this moment. But how much we are losing!

I don’t know how I decided to let him go in the summer for a whole week, being left in a foreign country without anyone. Sleeping alone was unusual. It was even more unusual to get up in the morning and not find a husband in the house. Children constantly remembered and searched for him, In their life, after all, dad is always there - every morning and every evening.

Let's talk more about and what to do with yourself? How can you not go mad yourself and annoy him with calls? There are a lot of options (there are generally as many as 85 ways to spend this time effectively and joyfully):
Read your favorite book
Watch a movie - you can do it alone
· Do a general cleaning
Chat with girlfriends
You can invite a friend to visit for a couple of days (I did just that when my husband left for a week for the second time)
Go to a seminar or training
Go to visit your parents
Go to a massage or beauty salon
Participate in a volunteer project
Do your hobby
Go to dancing or drawing lessons
Arrange shopping
· And so on.

Indian girls were once prepared for family life by telling the following parable:
“In the life of every man, once a month there are special days when he must go to the cave. It is his sacred duty to fight the dragon in this cave. It is very dangerous and risky, but it is the duty of every man.
So when you get married, be prepared for it. Once a month, your husband will walk into his cave tense and come back victorious.
Do not under any circumstances pursue him. Because even if you track him down and find this cave, and then try to go inside, this dragon will attack you and burn you with its flame. "

The story is metaphorical, because that very dragon is simply a manifestation of the worst qualities of a husband, which can splash out on the head of an unlucky wife.
Therefore, let's take care of each other and treat with understanding our characteristics and needs. When you let your husband go to the cave, don't forget to take care of yourself!

“Some people see persistence and holding onto something as signs of great strength. However, there are times that require a lot more willpower to know when to let go and then do it. "
- Anne Landers

Letting go of something or someone doesn't mean that we no longer care about them. It just comes to the realization that the only thing we can really control is ourselves, right here, right now. It is a necessary process of adapting to the ever-changing realities of life - leaving the past behind in order to make way for the present.

Collected here are 50 quotes from various articles to help you let go and start living happily.

1. As we grow older and wiser, we begin to understand what we need and what we need to leave behind. Sometimes leaving is a step forward.

2. You will never achieve what you are capable of if you are too attached to the things that have to let go.

3. Sometimes something appears in our life that should not be delayed. Sometimes unwanted changes are changes necessary for our growth.

4. Growth and change can sometimes be painful, but the most painful thing in life is being out of place.

5. The hardest part of growing up is letting go of what you are used to and moving on with something new.

6. Accept what is, let go of what was, and believe in what may be.

7. Don't be afraid of change. There is a reason for everything. Deal with it. It won't be easy, but it's worth it.

9. Never let fear determine your future.

10. Fear is just a figment of your imagination. It can be difficult to decide to follow your heart, but you are making a huge mistake by letting false fears stop you.

11. You can't wait forever for the perfect moment. Sometimes you have to let go of doubts and take risks, because life is too short to wonder what might have been.

12. You are not the same person as you were a year ago, last month or that week. You are constantly developing. Nothing stands still. That is life.

13. One of the most enjoyable moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you cannot change.

14. You should never force things. Do whatever is required of you and let life take its course. If something has to happen, it will. Don't attach yourself to what you cannot control.

15. When you stop expecting people and events to be perfect, you can begin to appreciate them for what they are.

16. Live simply. Love with all your soul. Be sincere. Breathe deeply. Try your best. Leave everything else to something beyond us.

17. Surrender and let go are two completely different things.

19. Surrender does not always mean weakness. Sometimes it just means that you are strong and smart enough to let go and move forward.

20. Stop obsessing about your stress level and remember how lucky you are. It could have been much worse.

21. Whatever upsets you, let it go! No need to accumulate negative. Maintain a calm and positive outlook on life. Something good is bound to happen to you.

22. Some people cannot come to terms with the fact that you are going forward in life, and therefore they will try to grasp your shared past. Don't indulge their behavior. Keep moving on.

23. No matter what you do, someone will always be unhappy. So live by your principles and make sure that you yourself do not end up being disappointed.

24. Love yourself! Forgive yourself! Accept yourself! You are you, this is the beginning and the end - and no regrets.

25. You are good enough, smart enough and strong enough. You don't need someone else's approval to know that you are priceless.

26. One of the most liberating knowledge that life teaches us is that we don't have to love everyone, everyone shouldn't love us, and that's absolutely normal.

27. Try not to take too closely what other people say about you. What they think and say is a reflection of themselves, not of you.

28. If you worry too much about what other people think of you, in some way, you will always be their prisoner.

29. Sometimes we expect more from others because we ourselves would have done the same for them. Keep on loving. In the end you will find out who deserves it.

30. Not everyone is able to appreciate what you are doing for them. You must understand who is really worthy of your attention, and who is just trying to use you.

31. To say yes to happiness, you must learn to say no to people and things that hurt you. Be wise to avoid negativity.

32. If you admit something, it will continue. It is better to be alone than to let negative people and their judgments influence your life.

33. If you feel like your ship is sinking, it may be time to discard all that weighs you down. Let go of the people who upset you and surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you.

34. Just the fact that someone has been a part of your life for many years does not guarantee that one day the moment will not come when you finally decide to let him go.

35. One of the most difficult tasks in life is to erase someone from your heart.

36. You must understand that people come and go. That is life. Stop holding on to those who let you go a long time ago.

37. Sometimes we do not forgive others because they deserve it. We forgive them because they need it, because we need it ourselves and because without it we cannot let go and move on.

38. The one who first asks for forgiveness is the bravest. The one who forgives first is the strongest. The happiest person moves forward first.

39. Do not grieve about the past, it will not return. Don't worry about the future, it hasn't come yet. Try to live in the present and make it beautiful.

40. Be wise enough to let go when needed and strong enough to hold when needed.

41. Don't let small troubles darken your happiness. True wealth is the ability to feel and value every moment for what it brings.

42. Life is too short to spend in a war with oneself. Learn to accept and forgive. Letting go of yesterday's troubles, you are taking the first step towards happiness today.

43. Worry casts a big shadow over small matters. At the end of the day, you can focus on either what tears you apart, or on something that helps you pull yourself together.

44. Old fears - upfront payments for problems you may never have. Let them go. Today is a new beginning, take a deep breath and start over.

45. Smile, even when it seems like everything is falling apart. Smiling does not always mean that you are happy. Sometimes it just means that you are strong.

46. \u200b\u200bThere comes a time when you stop thinking about your mistakes and move on. No regrets - just life lessons that show you the way.

47. Remember good moments, be strong in difficult times, love every moment, laugh more often, live honestly and be grateful for each new day

48. You can't let one bad thing spoil a bunch of good things. Don't be confused by silly daily dramas.

49. If you are diligent and patient, everything that you really need in life will come to you at the right time.

50. In the end, everything will fall into place. Until then, learn everything you can, laugh as often as possible, enjoy every moment, and remember that it is worth it.

And for girls, to forget can come up