A man and a woman get married and have a child. Normal situation. But for some reason it suddenly turns out that this "normal situation" turns out to be an unbearable burden - and the husband leaves, leaving his wife with a small child in her arms. What to do? Shame? Trying to get it back? Is it proud to pretend that this person was never in your life?

It is important to understand the reasons why he did this.

Reason 1. Fear

A man sometimes cannot admit to himself that he is overwhelmed by fear. He is unbearably scared to take responsibility for himself. Now he has to do something all the time: provide for his family, take care of his wife, take care of the child ... This burden of responsibility puts pressure on the man, and he prefers to retire.

And besides, he is haunted by the fear of changes - he will no longer be able to live as before, everything has changed, it has become so difficult, and the old life was much easier and more pleasant. He does not want to refuse her at all. And so escape is an easy way out.

Reason 2. "I can't handle it"

How often can you hear such a dialogue!

Why did you leave your family?

I realized that I could not cope.

This is a painful blow to male pride. Feeling incapable, realizing that you can't cope with a new role is terrible for such a man. True, he most likely forgot to think about how a woman, left without her support and protection, will now cope.

Reason 3. He is no longer the center of the universe

Before the birth of a child, a man was the main person in his woman's life. After the birth of a child, everything changes - in the first place is now a small person who has just been born. It is to him that all the attention is paid, and the husband, as it were, fades into the background. This change is unpleasantly shocking for many men. They do not want to put up with secondary roles, and dissolve in the dawn fog, as if they never existed.

Reason 4. Problems in the relationship with the wife

The previous reason flows smoothly into this one. He gets tired at work, comes home - and there is no rest, but like another job, moreover, under the continuous cries of the heir. And a worn out, exhausted wife. She needs help, and the man needs rest. A series of mutual reproaches begins.

In addition, a young mother, as a rule, has no time to look after and take care of herself, and there is nothing to say about intimate life - is she up to her here?

This whole situation puts pressure on the man, and he considers it good to leave the territory.

Reason 5. Mistress

As old as the world. If a man cannot get something at home, he will go and get it elsewhere. And then, for example, a nice colleague appears on the horizon. And the man begins to build a new relationship with another woman. Before he had time to look back, he left his wife and two children.

Reason 6. "Well-wishers"

How often they say about broken families that their "relatives divorced". And indeed, when from both sides whispering nasty things about your “other half” into your ears, you start to wonder: maybe this person really doesn't suit you? And generally unworthy? And now the family is already on the verge of divorce, because diligent relatives, friends and colleagues said different things.

How to survive after a divorce without money and with a child

Despair and a sense of hopelessness are what most often experienced by wives abandoned with children. It is not clear how to live on, the earth has gone from under my feet, so that, as it seems at that moment, it will never return. It is not true. And the ground under his feet will return, and it turns out that it is quite possible to live on.

Where to begin? Make a plan. Write your income and expenses, identify resources, understand what and how long it takes. Set goals. Some goals will cover the next couple of days, and some may be half-life.

Start implementing your plan.Perhaps you will be looking for a job at home, maybe you will master a new profession (for example, you have a certain amount of money for which you can afford cutting and sewing courses or start learning Photoshop on your own), or maybe it turns out that you have a dacha that should have been sold for a long time and invested in something worthwhile.

Be busy all the time. This therapy saves from both gloomy thoughts and temptations to enter the river a second time, into which you do not need to enter. Labor will bear fruit - and now you are no longer a "penniless divorcee", everything is getting better for you.

In your plan for life there must be a place to study with a child - so that my mother does not dissolve in work, but takes part in his life. For this, it is imperative to find an internal resource.

And the last one - watch your health... It's like on an airplane - first an oxygen mask is put on oneself, and only then on a child. Your health is a matter of your well-being with your child. If you are healthy, calm and smiling, there will be much more ups and downs in your future and in your child's future than troubles and downs.

It is important that your son or your daughter does not suffer from the breakup of their parents' relationship. No matter how difficult and bad - try to control yourself.

Realize that breaking up is something that has already happened to you. Now you don't know how to survive a divorce, but believe me, this is not the end of the world. Even if now it seems to you that it is not so. Do not think that life is over - with the departure of a man, who, by the way, did not act in the best way, you get a chance to find something new and wonderful in the future.

It doesn't take five minutes to survive a divorce. It's okay to worry. The most difficult period is considered to be 2-3 months immediately after the divorce. Psychologists advise not to make any radical decisions at this time. Give yourself time to cool down, calm down, and take a good look at things.

It is important that your son or your daughter does not suffer from the breakup of their parents' relationship. No matter how difficult and bad - try to control yourself. Children are sensitive to your mood, try to provide them with the maximum psychological comfort that is possible in such a situation.

No matter how corny it may sound, you need to explain to the child that dad and mom no longer live together, but both continue to love him. Tell your child so that your explanation fits within his or her view of the world. That is, speak to him in a language understandable to his age.

And be sure to explain that what is happening is not his fault. The psychology of a child is such that, as an egocentric, he subconsciously considers himself to be guilty. "Mom and Dad had a fight because I broke a vase." Remove from him the burden of responsibility for adult relationships, for which he, in fact, should not be responsible.

You are hurt, you are hurt, you are angry. You experience a whole range of emotions towards your ex-husband, and they are mostly negative. But turning a child against his father is a bad idea. After all, he loves him. Moreover, he feels like a person who has half a mother and half a father. Saying bad things about the child's father, even if he deserves it, you, in fact, turn the child against some significant part of himself. As a result, he can get such a psychological trauma that will ruin the life of your child for many years.

If the ex-husband does not refuse paternity, is not dangerous for the child, helps and wants to see him, let them do it. Allow me to visit or meet in neutral territory. After all, a good Sunday dad is better than none.

You are faced with the difficult task of raising a child without a father. You will work hard, you will get tired, you will have to do a lot yourself. There is no place for entertainment in this busy schedule, and a single mother often “drives herself out”, sooner or later coming to nervous, and sometimes even physical, exhaustion.

To prevent this from happening, allow yourself a break. Sometimes an extra half hour of sleep is more important than a polished stove to shine, and a ten-minute walk in the park is more useful than perfectly ironed arrows on trousers. Allow yourself at least once a day a "reward" - enjoy some little thing. Three minutes of dancing to the radio. Sip tea for five minutes. With candy. You can also rub cream on your hands that smells good. Or wear your favorite sweater. These little joys do a great job. Therefore, do not forget about them.

Conclusion

Probably, there are such women in the world who simply step over a divorce from a man who leaves his wife and child, and live on. Everyone else is having a hard time. But you know what? You can't give up - because you have you and your child. It may not be easy, but you can definitely do it.

For women who find themselves in a situation where their husband left alone with a child and do not know how to get over the breakup, there is a place where they can get help and support. Contact the experts on the site - and you will certainly be supported and advised on how best to proceed. Free for new customers!

Surely you have at least once heard the story of how a man left a woman with a child, leaving for another... This is a fairly common case that occurs quite often. Perhaps you also faced such a situation, but now you cannot understand what exactly your mistake was. Are men really more likely to abandon women with children? Is there any pattern? You will learn about this in this article.

Why are women with children often abandoned?

1. He does not know how to be responsible for his actions... Unfortunately, the situation when a man is looking for love for one night is quite common, and sometimes a woman does not even mean how serious a particular person is about her.

It is possible that his feelings flared up and quickly passed, and the closeness led to the birth of a child. At some point, a man realizes that now he must behave like an exemplary father, raise a child and provide for his wife, but he was not ready for this, so he decides to leave. The act of a really weak person, but sometimes it is impossible to change something in such a situation.

Recently I asked him - are you happy? COSTS WHAT YOU DID? THAT THE SON HAD A NERVOUS RISE BEFORE THE STUTTER from the fact that he so badly wants you to live with us, THAT BROKEN FAMILY, BREAK EVERYTHING THAT WAS? And he - what happened? There was NOTHING! ... there was no family ...
I was shocked - what is it - does he really think so or just to annoy me?

Support the site:

Olga, age: 02/14/2012

Feedback:

Nina, age: 39 / 14.02.2012

Dear, dear Olga! Trust me, all men say the same thing when they leave. What did not love, there was no family and you are to blame for everything. My darling! Trust me that you have got rid of a person who is not able to bear responsibility for the family. How comfortable it was for him after parting with you - to lead a free lifestyle, look for a life partner, climb into bed with his ex-wife ... and at the same time lisp with his son when it is convenient for him. Never, no one dares to offend your child! You write that your son was going through a breakup before stuttering. Why allow this to happen? If the child is in pain, then let him at least not see the walking dad, who comes when it is convenient for him.
There will be no sense. He will not return. He doesn't even have to regret the breakup. Because everything suits him! You will have happiness! Necessarily! You just need to break with the past. Don't look back! Everything will be fine! Kisses hard! I hug your son!

Elena, age: 48 / 14.02.2012

Olenka, dear, I just recently went through a break with my husband, with whom I lived for 10 years, and stayed with two children. Do not worry, because the Lord made room for something bright and good without quarrels and troubles. You have a child, and this is a gift from God, which must be cherished and rejoiced every day that you have this gift. I was also very worried and cried, but then I realized that there was no point in wasting my energy on my own pity and realized that with BM we will forever remain family members because of children, but no more. Wish your beloved happiness, if you really love, and start LIVING - namely LIVING. Take care of the child and in no case tell him bad things about his father. Schedule a weekend for yourself and your son and lift yourself through I don't want and can't. Prove to your child that life is great regardless of the fact that he has a coming dad. When he sees a happy mother, it will be happiness for him, and you want the baby to be happy. Pray it really helps. When thoughts begin to creep in to me, I say, "Lord, bless them, give them happiness." At first I didn't really hope that it would help, but I prayed, prayed - and now it helps. And you just need to perceive BM as the child's father and that's it, nothing more, no emotions. He came - smiled, met him and went to do his business, in the end he came to the child - let him play, walk, do what he came for. You will devote this time to yourself. Do whatever you want, no need to sit with them - this is now not your husband and you need to get used to this thought, although it is very difficult. But all of us girls who come to this site could - and you can. Read the stories we write and it will feel better over time. Let go of the past, stop holding on to it. There is only today, do not miss the moment, I beg you. God bless you. Hold on, I'm sure you can handle it. We are all with you.

Elena, age: 34 / 14.02.2012

Dear Olga! Four years is too long, too, it is not surprising that you have health problems. I understand you very much, I understand that when the soul is torn apart, it seems that there is no more pain in the world. I myself am going through it now, however, half a year has passed since my world collapsed. Now it is much easier, it cannot be compared with the first months. I ask myself what awaits me in the future, whether I can manage to find a worthy man, create a family with him, give birth to a child. The city is small and not twenty years old. On New Year's Eve I went to the capital to see my relatives and on the train I found myself in the same compartment with a woman who is from a completely different city, but with whom we have many friends at work. We talked until midnight. I was very surprised by this unexpected acquaintance, which can be useful to me at work. I thought how strange it was to be with her in the same carriage, in the same compartment. And for myself, I concluded that we, people who are successful, are accustomed to planning and calculating everything, still cannot manage all events and circumstances. I regarded this as a sign that there is no need to worry about a future that has not yet come. And when you go somewhere, you cannot know what will happen, with whom fate can bring you. Only, most importantly, do not get hung up on this and do not wait. With her husband, who now lives with her parents, sometimes there is intimacy (the initiator is him), but this only delivers disappointment, and for myself I decided that this would not happen again, enough, it hurts too much. Today is February 14, and I perfectly understand where he is and with whom. She was not a believer, she relied on herself, her strength. I didn't know a single prayer. Now everything is different, only faith helps. Mentally I wish him and his passion well, I try to thank for the years spent together. I won't say that I am always in good shape, but, believe me, I could not find another better remedy, although I read a lot of literature. Try to turn to God, maybe you can find consolation. I would really hope that the responses on the site will serve as a kind of impetus, thanks to which there will be a change in your attitude towards the situation in your family. I read somewhere that a terrible end is better than an endless horror. It is true that it is better to break with hope and affection than wait and keep on hoping. It takes colossal forces to do this, you go all exhausted. Olga, hold on, think now only about yourself and the child! I wish you your soul to calm down. I hug you tightly!

Veronica, age: 02/14/2012

Hello, dear Olga!
4 years is a very long time for you and your baby. You have to say goodbye to the past, to your ex-husband in your soul, to forgive him, to let go inwardly. Your torment lasts so long, because you believe in the arrival of your husband, make your plans for life together.
And life has already changed. Now you and your baby are a family. Stop crying so bitterly and torturing yourself, all this suffering worsens your health. And you need strength, health to raise a child. Children suffer very much from our experiences, get sick because of this.
And you need to stop all intimate relationships with your husband. For your own sake.
And believe me, life does not deteriorate with a divorce, it becomes different, meaningful, filled with happiness, miracles, joy.
Olga, wish him happiness in his soul, light a candle for his health, let him go. Time really heals, but in your heart you did not say goodbye to him and did not forgive him, do not wait for a return. Live your life, love the baby you abandoned because of your dad. And everything will work out for you.
Peace of mind to you.

Lera, age: 39/14/02/2012

Your condition is very familiar! Only the wound is fresh. For half a year I am in a state of shock from the strength of the mental pain due to the divorce. Olga, you are great for holding on and continuing to work. But I want to tell you one thing - time does not heal, if you do not let your husband go. Until you let it go, time will really cripple you. And take away mental strength. 4 years is a very long time. I even got scared when I read that your condition lasts 4 years. You better not see your husband at all - for you now he is like a drug that interferes with the healing of wounds. You have to pull it away from you. At any cost. Go to church, pray that God will tear him away from you. They say hope is the last to die. No. We must kill her first! Put a point. Tell yourself: everything, the end, the case is closed. Let him be happy with the other, and I will be happy without him. Yes I know. It's unbearable. This is a wild pain. Inhuman. But this must be experienced. Do it. For yourself. For your own future and your child's future.

Anastasiya, age: 02/14/2012

Hello Olga! Well done for sharing her story. I want to tell you a little about my experience. There is something in common in him, but basically, of course, this is a big difference - and this is what ... I lived with my husband for 2 years, and our family broke up in one quarrel. True, there were no children. And also for almost 4 years I have been living without him. And everything was wonderful in marriage (as it seemed to me)! It was later that I realized that, in fact, it was not "one quarrel" that had divorced us. But it is not important. Just after reading your story, I realized that I did the right thing, that not a day since the divorce, I did not think that we could be together. Although he suggested maintaining an intimate relationship. But I'll make a reservation again, we didn't have children, and I didn't need to see him. You, Olya, just have a prolonged period of suspended state. You have lived with hopes for these 4 years. But now you definitely need to leave them, your ex-husband and his girlfriend (I mean leave alone and not torment yourself and his thoughts about what it all cost and why). Yes, it will take some time until you learn to live without these thoughts, but with thoughts about the happiness and health of your child and your personal. There will be days when you will feel like everything is over, there will be days when you will feel powerless again. But from the very day you leave your marriage in the past (but, of course, you will not stop taking your ex-husband as the father of the child), your rebirth to a new life and happiness will begin. And about myself I can say that faith helped me. And mostly just her. And, of course, the support of loved ones. I also could not communicate with men at first and there is still no beloved man. But I don't want to howl at all, but I want to rejoice every day that I have experienced all this and now I breathe easily again, and the sun is shining brightly again, and I want new days, meetings and everything that makes up our whole life! And further. For a long time I even regretted that we did not have children. Although I can imagine what it would have been like for me with a child at first, it seemed to me that for the sake of the child I would have coped faster and stopped chewing on the past, and there would have been someone to love and care for. All Olya you will succeed! Just don't think about what others will say. Who knows what they have experienced in their lives and will still survive. Not everyone can understand everything. But loved ones will love in any circumstances. God's help!

Kalina, age: 02/14/2012

Olga, I understand you very well ... Here you write - I want to howl, scream, fight ... And these are my feelings, too, how terribly I understand. He left nowhere, there are only memories of 6 years of life. Everything is correct, we must fight, take care of ourselves, children, work, home. Only it is not clear what to do with all these 6 years? .. Where to put these memories of happiness and love. And you start to wait, invent, dream. And the more you wait and hope, the more it will fall afterwards when all these hopes collapse. The most important thing that I learned from this site is that we must stop hoping and waiting! It is necessary! We must stop right away. Gone means gone. After all, a loving person will not leave, betray or abandon. So it was not true love.
I am also alone, there is no one to cry and complain to, sometimes only my mother, and even then she is already old for such experiences. So I endure and try to stifle hope in me. It is most important. Sometimes I pray for almost the whole day (silently, mentally) - and then let go by the evening! A few days already, the main thing is never to give up.
And yet - we were lucky, because we have CHILDREN STAYED! Children are great support! They have a tremendous power of love for us, the main thing is to let them reveal this love. And then it will become easier, then we will stop waiting for unnecessary people.

Natalia, age: 02/14/2012

Dear Olga, I am very sorry for you. You, such a rich woman - young !, healthy !, successful !, having a child! SPENDED 4 !!! years of the life given to you by God no matter what.
Everything that the Lord sends us in life is a GIFT. We must learn to hope and rely only on Him. To be happy every minute no matter what. The fact that the Lord ALWAYS loves and cares for us is ample reason for happiness.
Psychologists, priests, and writers talk about this on this site.
I also went through pain, tears, insomnia when I found this site, after my husband left me.
And I am very grateful to God that he gave me such a test. And my husband in this test was a tool, not a "traitor." "It was from Me" - so I understood it. If not for this, I would have remained blind for a long time.
Julia, 27, writes about this in response to a letter dated 13.02. Look, this is another experience.
Hold on, dear Olga! Before you is such an interesting path - LIFE! And you will never be alone, because GOD is with you. Always.
With love.

Galina, age: 52 / 15.02.2012

Olga, I want to write a few words to you, although, probably, all of this has already been said to you more than once ... I am almost your age and I have a similar story with minor amendments - divorce 3.5 years old, my daughter was 4 when dad left us and too for the reason that it seemed to him that the family was no longer there, then she appeared, pregnancy and their wedding. The first time, like you, I was waiting, hoping that there is passion and he will change his mind, here is a daughter and 7 years lived together. Only now I understand that this time has simply disappeared from my life, I lived their life, was interested through mutual acquaintances in their relationship, tried to prove that I am better, to him, to everyone, and above all, of course, to myself. Do not waste your life and youth on this, not only you are paying for it, but also your son, who is already not easy without his dad and his mother's care and attention, he only half feels. Do you have the right to do this? For me, communication with my daughter became a salvation: come up with something new for him and for yourself every day, walk, read, the children are very grateful and give us our love threefold. And a man will certainly appear in your life, but not before you let go of the former, completely leaving yourself no hope of returning. When you are ready for a new relationship, not for the sake of him realizing that he has lost, not in revenge, not for self-affirmation, but simply for himself, for the sake of his baby, who will need male attention. Try to reduce contacts to a minimum, try not to learn anything about them, not to take him at home, let him walk with your child in neutral territory, and try not to compare all the men who will appear in your life with him. This, no matter how painful, is simply necessary, like an operation for a malignant tumor. And the reward for defeating yourself will be your new life, where the past has no place.

Forget-me-not field, age: 29 / 15.02.2012

Olya, you must definitely go to an Orthodox psychologist. Definitely. You can't do it yourself now, 4 years have shown it. It is clear that you do not need to deal with your husband, but with yourself. Deal with yourself in order to stop leading a double life, to get rid of dependence on your ex-husband and from dependence in front of the people around you. You need to destroy the walls of the prison in which you put yourself, and open all the doors that you yourself locked. You need to go free! Either a psychologist will help you painlessly now, or you will wait for extreme life circumstances. Choose ...
Contact the administration or psychologists of this site (www.nelubit.ru), they can tell you who to contact at your place of residence, or maybe they will help you via the Internet.
Freedom, happiness, independence, and a new bright life for you!

Vladimir, age: 39 / 15.02.2012

Dear Olya!
I really want to support you. It seems to me that your main problem is that you live in a split world. You are making too high demands on yourself. Do you think that relatives and colleagues will take you for a rag? No, it is not. You set these standards yourself. I think you just need to be who you really are. Don't blame yourself for loving, depending on your ex, clinging to every opportunity. Admit this fact to yourself. Don't be afraid to be weak. It takes too much effort to seem ...
Our city is also small, and the story of the disintegration of my family took place in front of everyone. I was not ashamed to show my pain. Our team is female, many have gone through this, they understand how it feels. My openness helped me get through the horror of the situation. I understand how important it is - public opinion. But, believe me, it is not right to pretend that everything is fine, because those around you feel that this is not so.
Probably, when you understand that society will accept you the way you were created (and I see a beautiful person), it will be easier for you to cope with the addiction in your relationship with your husband.
Hugging you!

Alexandra (Light), age: 46 / 15.02.2012

Olga, hello!
You write that you have read many books, that you have created the external image of a happy woman, but that in fact you are suffering in secret from everyone ... That is, your life today is a lie. Why are you doing this? .. Please answer this question to yourself, only honestly.
It is difficult for us to realize this, but we ourselves choose what to feel ... It all starts with a thought. Thoughts must be learned to control. Through them, you will learn to control what you feel, and, therefore, the energy that you radiate into the world.
We attract like ourselves. This is one of the laws of life.
It seems so simple ... yes, it is. All in your hands. Just make the choice to truly become joyful and happy, and not "for show" for relatives and friends ... Make a choice for yourself and for your child. Gather your will into a fist! It is a sin to yearn for so long, it is a great sin when you have been given so much, not to be grateful for it ... Remember that we live in an amazing, magical world where everything is possible! All that is required to accomplish a miracle is to believe in it and joyfully walk along your life Path.

Vesnyana, age: 02/15/2012

For half a year I have just been living on this site ... I found it by accident 10 months after the divorce ... I read stories, articles, responses, advice ... So much grief, so much pain. She herself did not dare to write her own story, but I read your story and realized that everything was about me with almost 100% accuracy. About the fact that parting took place long ago, and the wound still hurts; about the fact that I try to be strong with all my strength - successful at work, balanced with friends; about the fact that for a long time she believed that parting was fixable (intimacy was with some enviable married regularity, plus joint walks with a child in the park for the weekend); and ... about the fact that it became a cold shower, that he hid all this for a long time, but he also built his life in parallel, because it turned out that a serious relationship with another ... long and stable. Unfortunately, I cannot help you very much with practical advice, since I myself am definitely in a vicious circle ... I have nowhere to go with my pain (my mother died, and my friends don't really want to bare their souls, it's a shame). But I will only say one thing, that your BM (like mine), with all our love, is NOT a good husband and NOT a good father. If only because he is a big, over-played EGOIST. And an egoist cannot be good ... never! Do you understand ?! A good husband will not easily give up his family, the woman with whom he once decided to link his life. A good father will never abandon a child, driving him to stutter by his act for the sake of only going to build his life as it suits him. And no matter how often he comes to the child, no matter how much money he spends on him, no matter how he looks into your eyes with ostentatious tenderness and gratitude for everything past and feelings for your peace of mind, this is nothing more than a subconscious feeling of guilt for your own failure , which has nothing to do with true love and responsibility for the health and well-being of your child. Never a GOOD husband and father will do that. We must do our best to stop blaming only ourselves for everything, for not keeping something so good, not keeping it. The family is a great work not only of wives, but also, to no less extent, of husbands.
May God give us strength, patience, and humility to walk our way to that wonderful moment, for which the Lord leads us through such painful trials.
HOLD ON! I don't feel strong, I just believe that we will all stand together! We can. We certainly can! We just have no choice ...

Evgeniya, age: 32 / 15.02.2012

Dear Olya! Your pain is very clear to me, as to everyone who tells their stories on this site. I am much older (48) and my husband and I have lived much longer (26 years). And yet I did not allow myself the time allotted to me to waste on the ethereal hope of reunification.
And you stop doing it! Yes, it is very painful, it is impossible to breathe from the pain, sometimes you want to run somewhere, to someone for help, to scream, just to ease your pain! Believe me, it goes away, but you have to work on it. You have been given many recommendations. They all work, prayer is best. It is really difficult, but possible. I know from my own experience. My story is only 9 months old, but I already live without pain, I find many positive moments in my new life. Of course, this was not achieved immediately and was not easy, at times resentment, misunderstanding, and pity for her ex-husband also rolls in. But I thank myself for the fact that I was able to find the strength not to get stuck in grief and cut off all the ends at once, did not leave any ties. And you torture yourself for so long! It seems to me that you first of all need to get rid of other people's beliefs, learn to live with your heart. Regardless of who says and thinks what. This is your life. She is much more than one person. You have a child, you have parents, you have a family. And your husband turned out to be a transit passenger. Let him go his own way. He has his own path of spiritual growth, you have yours. Live life to the fullest.
We tend to idealize our husbands. "He is kind, he is good, he is loving," etc. etc. When you move away from him, you can see your husband as real, and not invented by yourself. And you will understand that he is a weak, irresponsible, cowardly person. He'll probably want to come back. But again, without any special obligations on our part. Do you need such a companion in life? These people have to go through a lot in order to change and grow. And if it is destined to be, then it will happen. Maybe then new real healthy relationships can be born between you. Or maybe you will meet another person. But for this you need to prepare yourself for this meeting, recover, embellish your soul.
We must learn to wait as the fairy princesses waited. They believed that the prince would come and he would definitely disenchant them, save them, but they did not suffer, they just lived with this faith. I heard one saying - happiness will come and find it on the stove. What is destined will surely happen. You just don't have to be idle, you have to live, enjoy life itself, what you are, your child, thank God for this happiness given to you. God gives us what we are glad to, what we pay more attention to. We suffer - it will send suffering, we rejoice - more reasons for joy. Everything in this world is for us! Appreciate it and you will still be happy. I wish you this with all my heart, Olenka!

Guzel, age: 48 / 15.02.2012

Hello Olya.
I reread your letter several times. I was, and still am in a similar situation. The subtleties are different, but the essence is the same. You cannot let your ex-husband go for 4 years, but I let him go for 6 years ... You know, everyone hoped that he would see his sight. As a result, I only made worse for myself, my son, my mother. I thought about him, about betrayal all the time. I screwed myself up, and fell on my loved ones - the most defenseless. Those who loved me the most. The result of our family life with him - I was left with a 5-year-old son, with a not very healthy mother and with a very ghostly hope for a prosperous future, because after giving birth I suffered an illness and became disabled. I blamed him for everything: in my condition, that my son developed nervous tics, that he did not want to pay real alimony, etc. And in spite of everything I was ready to forgive and accept him back.
At some point, I still realized that my mother and my son are not eternal. That first of all I am with hysterics, depression - the reason for their unhappy life, tears, nervous tics, etc. I decided that if I had already given birth to a son, I would try to do everything to make him see me happy. So that, looking at my life, he understood that in any state a person can be happy, that choosing a family - we do not doom ourselves to eternal torment and suffering. Although the family is, of course, VERY hard work.
I came to this for a very long time - as many as six years ... But I am so glad that now there are no malicious, angry, offensive thoughts about my son's father in my head. I am incredibly happy that I stopped blaming him for my problems, that I do not hold a grudge against him, that I understand the impossibility of our joint future!
I couldn't have done it without God. At the most difficult moment - I came to church. (Imagine, I'm so unhappy, and my father smiles at me ... I left with a smile).
Olya, I hope that my story will help you look at the situation in a new way.
I really believe that everything will be fine with you!

nastyav, age: 32 / 16.02.2012

Olenka, dear!
Your story touches to the core ...
4 years is, of course, a huge period. But you must understand one thing - you yourself have run it so much, so it depends only on you whether you can get out.
Six months have passed since my separation, but I remember the first months very well. This inhuman pain, misunderstanding of what is happening, these constant nervous breakdowns. Then, having found this site and reading the stories and responses, I did not believe that such pain could ever go away. But it's much easier now. And I remember very well that it began to become easier only after I firmly decided for myself - EVERYTHING! I will not wait for his return! I want to get out of this! And since that moment very little time has passed, but for me it is an eternity - I began to move away from this step by step in a variety of ways. First, stop going back in time - try not to remember, not think about what happened, not look at old photos, etc. The first time it is simply necessary. It is also better to stop all communication with BM for this period. Second, turn to God - pray, go to church and just believe in His power. It really helps, it just depends on how much you accept the help. Third, do everything you can, find activities so that you have as little free time as possible. Read a lot - advice from psychologists, advice from people who have experienced it, and of course the Bible. There actually are answers to all the questions.
Here you write - you cannot live without it - it is not so. You have been living without it for 4 years already, think how long it is. You just don't want to believe that you are already WITHOUT IT. He already has a life of his own, you need to realize this, you need to forgive him for everything and thank him for the fact that he WAS in your life.
Do not try to establish your personal life yet, you want everything at once - this does not happen. For now, just humble yourself, learn to let go, develop, get on your feet, only then, when you feel that it has passed, you can take up your personal life. It doesn't make sense yet.
Understand that it is not love that speaks in you, pride speaks in you, your wounded pride. How is it - they took mine, MY man got another. But, Olenka, he is not yours, he was with you, but he was never yours. He is a free man like anyone else. You have to admit it - there is no way without it. I myself could not admit to myself that I was really suffering not from the fact that love had passed, but from the fact that my pride was hurt, that he did not want to go through life with me anymore. But he doesn't have to want it. It is really hard to realize, but it is when you feel it that the understanding of the unconditionality of love comes.
Olya, I believe in you. You can handle it! But for this you need to really want it!

Julia, age: 02/16/2012

Thanks to everyone who responded! Words cannot convey my gratitude, which I feel to all of you who responded, thank you and a deep bow to all of you, dear ones, for your words, kind words, support, this is now dearer to me than all the blessings on earth ... I swallowed like water after a withering heat ... THANKS!
Has it gotten easier? a little ... not for long ... but this is already something ... A ray of light flashed and went out in the pitch darkness ... But it ALREADY was ... Will I be able to get out? I don’t know ... I don’t want to waste words even for you, who wrote a lot of good things to me and wished me (thank you!), And I don’t want to lie to myself, all the more so ... One thing I can say for sure - I will try, I have tried and tried my best all these 4 years (as now I am beginning to understand, that is why I created a double life for myself - by this I thought that at least outwardly other people would not know about my collapse, about the collapse of my world and my worries \u003d weaknesses , which means at least in front of them I will not humiliate myself, because there is someone to do this in full) - for the sake of my son, first of all ... for my mother ... for the sake of the most dear beings whom the Lord gave me in this life ... But until it worked out and doesn’t work ... But I hope ... I try ... I’m glad and it seems that I have not yet fully realized the joy that I feel from finding this site ...
P.S. Every day it gets really bad, I reread all your messages with wishes of good and peace to me and my son, and it becomes a little easier, no, I’m lying, it’s not easier, but it’s just getting easier to breathe ... THANKS, MY DEARS!

Olga, age: 02/16/2012

Dear Olga. You need to be an active participant in your life. God gave us freedom, and even He does not encroach on it, why do we hand it over to the evil one with our own hands, why do we ourselves kill our soul, why do we run away from our existence at the speed of light, why do we drown out the beat of God in our heart ?! When we feel bad, it seems that it is because of divorce, because of illness, because of failures, because of poverty, because of the loss of loved ones, because of the economic crisis and complete ruin ... But this is all a hoax. This is the age of deception and the evil one uses all these situations to explain the cry of our soul, to drown out how our soul misses God, for that joy that is only in God. It is hard to understand this, very hard, and it was even harder for me almost 10 years of deception, betrayal, fornication, self-deception ... Even now, when I am already married, every quarrel seems to me a collapse, betrayal and inattention of my husband. But somewhere from within, a voice tells me that no, these are all the antics of demons, that it is their task to embroil, drive them to despair, and even better, so that a person does something to himself. And I understand that without the help of God we cannot do ANYTHING. We must pray and ask to give strength for life, love, humility, and that the Lord would show us his will.
And why not now, when it has become so unbearable, when your soul hurts so much, not to turn to God and ask God to give you strength and words to talk to your husband. Pray that God will do and arrange everything according to His will, and not according to yours. Pray with all your heart. And talk to your husband in the words that will be, about what is in your soul, without hiding and without hesitation. And accept his answer with humility and trust God. If there is no future for your relationship, then God has a different plan for you.

Save you Lord!

Julia S, age: 28 / 16.02.2012

Olga, hello!
You have a very beautiful Russian name. I also have Tatiana. I'm older now, but experiences like yours were at your age. Therefore, I am writing how I got out of this.
I will probably surprise you very much if I write that the feeling you feel is NOT love !!! Yes Yes Yes! This is what is most difficult to understand. It took me more (oh, horror!) 5 years for this!
I loaded myself up to 24 hours a day: work, courses, sports, socializing at all sorts of necessary and unnecessary parties ... But ... every time I had at least a minute free, I thought about him. Even tried to cut veins, you fool! And now I remember him with gratitude. From the moment I solved this problem, I HAVE NEVER MUCHED true feelings with addiction BEYOND. It is an invaluable gift worth many years of suffering. Low bow to you for this, stranger dear. How did this happen? Of course, this is the question that interests you the most. I am telling you. Girls of our warehouse with you often keep a diary. If you don’t have it, it’s not important, you can orally analyze how your life has changed over the past so many years. I sat down to make notes, reread what I had written a year before, then another year, and more ... It became clear that apart from "see above" there was nothing to write. And I thought: "Tanya! For many years you have only been writing about how unhappy you are !!! Honey, change your mind! Why do you need this !? And I began to listen to myself. So he came - is it good for me to be with him? - NO! !! So he left - is it good for me without him? - NO !!! Duck, what kind of love is this ??? I realized that I can't handle it, I went to a psychologist. I can't handle it myself! The psychologist didn't say anything special, and what could she say ?! I said everything myself when I realized that it was just as bad with him as without him. For the latter, by the way, there are many objective reasons, such as a rival, for example. Literally in the next three days I "met" a man of my life. In quotes, because he has been close for a year, we worked together. Only I "loved" the other! Like a fool. I'm not talking about how your child suffers from your mental "wedge" on "love" for his father. I am writing in quotes without a doubt, because LOVE NEVER CAUSES THE FEELINGS THAT YOU DO TESTING NOW !!! Trust me, I went through this. And you will pass. And you will be grateful to him for leaving and giving you the opportunity to be happy. Good luck, my dear Olya. It all depends only on your desire to part with such usual suffering - dying for the sake of a new happy life for yourself and your baby.

lilit, age: 43 / 17.02.2012

Olya, can I ask you? Are you a believer? Do you feel the presence of God in your life?
Because if you start to feel his presence, you are not alone. And it doesn't matter at all how your ex-husband builds his life. Well, he betrayed you, betrayed his son. So, he could, overstepped, made his choice. Let it go on its own track. And your track turned the other way. I remember my feeling of terrible pain, from which I was saved by continuous reading of prayers. And there were falls, breakdowns, tears from scratch - but of course! But as I read prayers, especially thanksgiving prayers, I felt peace. And until now, if despondency and despair rolls over, I know how to deal with it: "Thankful are Thy servants unworthy, O Lord, for your great blessings on us that were past. Gloriously we praise, glorify, thank, bless, sing and magnify Thy goodness and slavishly love crying Ti: Our Savior, our Benefactor, glory to Thee. " What is most afraid of this depressing state - this prayer. Thanks to God for everything, even for their tears, insults and slander of loved ones. Read it every evening, every morning, memorize it. Try not to answer evil for evil, you can - do good, you cannot - at least do not do evil.
Don't make your husband an idol. Weak person. I could not become a good husband - BUT IN FACT HE WOULD NOT BE ABLE IN ANY OCCASION. Do you understand? Don't wait for it. In any case, he could not give you what you expect from him. Man is weak. And I am weak, and many other people are weak, and we all hurt our loved ones, and the closer we are to a person, the more we can hurt him. Be grateful for the good that other people give you, and don't be offended by the inevitable evil. Because you could, perhaps, someday hurt someone.
Find an icon of the royal family, and when you remember that you and your son were betrayed, look into their eyes. And remember that they were betrayed by all the people for whom they cared, for whom they prayed, for whom they accepted a terrible death. All of their children were sent to death. Why were they betrayed?
Find a biography of St. Monk Martyr Princess Elizabeth, look how she responded to the evil that other people did to her. Walk towards the light. Don't expect miracles of virtue from your ex-husband. Look at yourself. Hold on.
You know, your despair and sorrow will pass, believe me, I speak from my own experience. The time will come when it will become easier for you, when you turn to yourself, set new tasks for yourself, start solving them. And at some point you will say: how good, Lord, that you did this! Thanks to this, I saw these and these shortcomings, mistakes, and now I can start fixing them. Yes, if the family survived, it would be better. But the Lord can lead a person out of any situation to the light. Trust him. And you will definitely feel better. Do not be angry at me. Run to the temple soon!

Growing up, age: 36/02/18/2012

You know, I had a similar condition.
Your problem is that you have hidden the pain inside, your pride is afraid that you will seem weak. Therefore, it does not let you go ...
Declare to the whole world that you are suffering, share your grief - and in time it will pass.
Also, try to establish a strong trusting relationship with someone.

Christina, age: 22 / 18.02.2012

Olga.
1. Love yourself and the whole world will be at your feet: for this, be irresistible and forget about the feeling of guilt about this whole situation.
2. The more you grieve and worry, the less chances that things will work out. Finally, look at the situation soberly ... and if he comes back, he will constantly walk to the left ... do you need it ??? The fact that you are grieving is worse only for you and your baby. Love yourself, accept and let go of this situation, wish him happiness, calm down and everything will work out.
3. Tell me, Olga, are you worthy of such a life? So choose a different one. The main thing is to accept the situation, treat it calmly and not wish him any harm. AND EVERYTHING WILL WORK.
Olga, I myself experienced a similar situation, and I myself remained with the child - I was not two years old. MEN SUCH ARE NOT WORTHY FOR US. You understand, another life awaits you, undoubtedly a better one. So to get started, prepare yourself to accept happiness and do not drag out the moment with your despondency. Remember, it is not in vain that despondency is a sin!

happy, age: enough / 20.02.2012

Ol, when my husband left me a year ago (December 31), I sat, swallowing tears, snot, in such a stupor that I was not even able to set the New Year's table ... My twenty-year-old son came up to me, put his hand on his shoulder and said: "Mother, don't cry, I'm with you, YOU HAVE YOURSELF! And let him roll, no one will need him later." Then they poured cold shower over me. Now he is asked "grandmothers, aunts-uncles", do you like my mother's new husband? To which he replies: "If only she was happy." And I am happy because I have such a son! And men ... A HOLY PLACE DOESN'T BE EMPTY! Above your nose, Olya.

El, age: 40 / 22.02.2012

Olga, you are still so young. You are 31 years old, for me life has just begun at this age. Forget this person, try to stop communicating with him. It will be hard at first, but very soon you will realize that you have wasted so much time grieving for him. God help you!

Tusya, age: 46 / 22.02.2012

Dear Olenka! I want to ask you, why do you dislike yourself so much? Why, why all these tortures over yourself because of a person who is not able to appreciate your love? On the other hand, ask yourself an honest question: DID I LOVE HIM or DO I LOVE HIM NOW? We, women, very often confuse the concepts of love and affection, for some reason we believe that if a man lives with us or has lived for some time, then he surrendered to us in slavery. But this is not so, no one belongs to anyone, we come to this world alone and we leave alone. And what seems to us to be love is not love. Love is by definition that you just love a person as yourself, forgive him everything, accept him as he is, regardless of what decision he made: to be with you or not. This is, in my understanding, love, everything else is our desires; in this case, your desire and that of your husband diverged. So what's going on? From the fact that you will instill in him a feeling of guilt in his act, he will not become closer to you, but on the contrary, he will move away from you because you remind him of the bad deed that he committed. And in no case can you get attention from a man through a child. You know, Olenka, how many childless women live on earth who dream that God would send them a child, and He gave you this miracle, and what are you doing? You, bathing in your emotions and grievances, do not notice all the beautiful things associated with your baby. Instead of enjoying every minute, you eat yourself up and ruin your baby. Come to your senses! You have a wonderful baby, and most importantly, there is really true love ahead of you, but first you need to love yourself sincerely, unselfishly, then understand that love is a divine feeling, and it has nothing to do with resentment, anger, disappointment , humiliation, jealousy ... And I assure you, life will turn to you the other side. Rejoice in life, health, baby and carry a piece of God in you. First of all, forgive all the grievances against your husband, let him go, wish him sincerely happiness with his new woman and believe me, he will let you go and God will take care of you. You know, if your husband is given to you by God, then he will be with you. Perhaps he just needs to go through a certain experience so that he can appreciate you, and if not, then no matter what happens, he will still not be with you, then the question is why are you wasting your strength in emptiness? I sincerely wish you to find yourself and remember: nothing is given just like that.

Galina, age: 37 / 22.02.2012

Olga! You are a brave woman! Listen to what people are writing to you. Look your child in the eyes, he needs your protection and support, he is still so small. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get yourself in order and continue living here and now!

Eva, age: 54 / 22.02.2012

You will definitely be fine! Ask the Lord for help ... He will not leave anyone! God bless you!

Julia, age: 32 / 24.02.2012

Olga, my name is Eleanor. Calculated Vysh "SCREAM". Cry of Your Soul. How can I understand you! We have lived for 25 years. They really wanted a second child, but nothing worked. The son at that time was 20 years old. He is now 23 years old. Loved each other. I am probably more. The husband is a tough, domineering person. Always in power, it leaves its mark. He drank a lot, and coming home he could humiliate me, my son. Verbally, but after that I asked for forgiveness, I forgave because I loved. She loved, forgave, endured. He didn't take me anywhere, he went everywhere alone. And I was sitting at home, taking care of myself, my son, doing figure. He had his own business, 2 times, he closed it, for various reasons. As a result, 3 years ago, after the New Year, he said that I was no longer his wife and we would not live together. I thought life had stopped! I didn't want to live! Didn't understand why? For what? And then there were 2 years of hell! He lived with us in the same apartment, did not speak to me or to his son. He talked to me only in a drunken state, and I was glad of that too! We have been building a house for 10 years. We all dreamed of living there together. The house is big. Friends were very happy for us. And when everything was done for him there for life, he hastily gathered his things and left! At first it was even easy, there were no humiliations, insults, but at times it would come so overwhelming that even a howl! Memory, damn memory ... But nothing, you have to live! Found a good job. Working with people. I realized that people appreciate and respect me. It helps a lot. There is no man in my life yet, probably I have not yet freed my heart from my husband, so the Lord does not give another. Olya, however, can be very difficult! But I realized one thing. The Lord gave me life and I have only one! And I must live it beautifully and for the benefit of my loved ones, for my friends, for people with whom I meet in life. And not live HIS life! Believe me, HE will not appreciate it! He will only laugh at you, sorry! And further. I love the poetry of Nikolai Aseev. This is my favorite excerpt.
Honey, you are not dear to me at all.
Such are not cute.
Protecting the heart from longing,
Teeth clenched, they are silently forgotten!
Let's just paraphrase cute. Olenka, teeth clenched, they are silently forgotten !!! I do not even doubt that you are a wonderful person! A beautiful woman, young, smart! Everything will be fine! Never doubt it !!! And bite into this life! She is beautiful and amazing, no matter what! Good luck, Happiness and LOVE!

Eleanor, age: 46/25/02/2012

Hello Olga! What an interesting thing life is! You ask for help, and your letter helped me, I can't really explain what exactly, but it was as if someone hit me on the head and I saw everything in a different light. I, too, could not forget him for 4 years. But in my case, this is simply absurd - during these 4 years I have never seen him, so, we corresponded a couple of times about little things and we did not even live together, it was just great love and passion. And here I am - a successful, beautiful girl, finally found the man of my dreams, whom I always dreamed of ... live and enjoy life! And I am drawn to my ex, and I dream about him, and I think every day ... some kind of direct attack. I understand that I need to let go and live a new life, new relationships. BUT HOW? But I read your letter and responses and understood ... letting go does not mean that you will never see each other again or forever delete each other from life or indifference or negativity will forever remain, this option is hard to understand. On the contrary - leave the tenderness in your soul, thank you for the happy moments and go your own way. In his soul he will remain yours, those memories, years. And if suddenly fate wants to push you again, you can talk with him with an open mind, laugh, because he was once a loved one. And now he is a stranger, why do you need a stranger? You miss not him, but beautiful memories, you want them to be repeated ... Olga, if after so much time has not let go, then you still need it, you need your personality, your soul ... Try to understand yourself, delve into your soul, conduct a dialogue with your heart. Just pay attention not to external factors - who he is with, how is he ... but to the voice of your heart. What is he missing? Have pity on him, heart, like a little child, perhaps it was complicity and pity that you lacked. Good luck Olga! I hold my fists for you!

Mariska Peter, age: 28 / 27.02.2012

Olga, I am also 31 years old, I have a daughter. He left after a quarrel, I thought he would return, but no ... he went nowhere, a divorce has been going on for 2 years ... when I see him, my heart stops, and he is indifferent. I just crossed it out of my life, as if we weren't there ...
What to do? To live for the sake of a child is the whole truth.

Nastya, age: 03/03/2012

Hold on, life will be learned in a new way, my husband also left me, I realized that I need to look for another man, be strong, your baby, you will help yourself, I wish you happiness! May you always be lucky and your wishes come true!

Marina, age: 44 / 20.12.2012

Good night! You know, I was recently thrown by my husband with a small child (9 months old) in his arms, I was left all alone ... I don’t want to live ... I’ve already roared all over, I’ve lost a lot of weight ... I really love my husband , and his feelings cooled down, once he just took it and left ... I don't know how to live on, I do everything on the machine ... I understand you like no other .. They say time heals .. We are strong women, and we will survive everything! , soon everything will be fine! Best regards, Olya!

Olya, age: 02/06/2013

Olga, dear, how are you? Lord, as I understand you !!! Darling, but how sorry for the children? As a probe for them! For the men! Lord, God grant you strength, patience, all the best! The post is old, I see, 2 years already, but sorry, I could not help but answer !!! Be happy!

Christina, age: 08/05/2014

Dear Olga! As a woman who survived a divorce after 16 years of only legal marriage, I can say that there is only one recipe: to kill the hope of his return, to erase it from your life to the maximum. It took me 4 years, I am older, there will be no more family, of course, if I still remain in a sober mind and a solid memory, and therefore I am surprised why such a young woman cannot survive a divorce for so long. Of course, it is hard to erase your ex-husband from life if the child is small, but you can somehow arrange so that he sees the child not in your presence, maybe in front of your mother, another relative, friend, etc. No calls on other topics, except for the child, to exclude any communication as much as possible. Of course, every person thinks from his own bell tower, so I think, no matter how unpleasant it sounds to you now, your child's stuttering is your area of \u200b\u200bresponsibility, dad has withdrawn, you need to pull yourself together for the sake of the child, he sees your condition, maybe be, you allow yourself in his presence to say that dad left you with him, and children tend to shift such a responsibility on themselves, blame themselves for the fact that mom and dad no longer live together. The child is bad precisely because of your condition, but he has nothing to do with it, you quarreled with your ex-husband. It was always important for my child to be there, the rest is not so important) Stop following his life immediately! This is pure masochism! Please take my advice, maybe it will help you. It helped me so much that I was now calculating on a calculator how many years I lived) and I did not count from the moment my husband left, but from the moment I moved to the apartment in which I now live, so coincidentally that it happened almost simultaneously , and I remember the year of the wedding because of the date of birth of the child) I'll tell you more, I don't recognize his voice on the phone, if he happens to call and does not miss anything) And what about the fact that I won't have a family with anyone else , - this is not because there is no one for whom, I just do not want to, I tried freedom, as they say. I am now grateful to my ex-husband for my son, for the way I live now) Do not cling to the past, it has passed, and thank God, it will be better ahead if you make room for this in your soul, in your life.

Nora, age: 45/10/11/2017

Previous request Next request

Unfortunately, the departure of a husband from the family is a fairly common phenomenon in the modern world. The most difficult situation is when a man leaves a woman with a newborn baby. The newly-made mother immediately has a lot of disturbing thoughts in her head: where to get the strength to live on and not break down, how to survive the betrayal of a loved one, for what money to exist?

It happens that the birth of a child instead of family rallying, on the contrary, gives an impetus for the flight of the father of the family. There are many reasons for such an act: loss of sexual interest in a woman, deterioration of the wife's appearance after childbirth, fear of the unknown, accumulated fatigue, fear of material difficulties, problems in communicating with a wife, the appearance of another woman, etc.

A husband who escaped responsibility wounds the woman with double force. Firstly, the betrayal of a loved one is always difficult to survive, and secondly, the husband also abandons a newborn child who is so in need of a strong and loving family.

1. During the time of separation, people experience pain, depression, guilt, and self-pity. And you need to be patient and just go through this period, because in some cases nothing can be returned (and sometimes it makes no sense), and you need to learn to live on, moving towards new events, meetings, relationships. The goal of an abandoned woman is to re-learn how to be happy. No matter how difficult it is to accept, life does not end after the husband leaves the family, and perhaps a new stage in life begins.

2. A woman needs to realize that she is not left completely alone. She has a man for whom she is the whole universe. No matter how bitter and sad it is, you can't give up, because now she alone has to take care of the baby, only she has the main responsibility for the future life of a small person.

3. Accept any help and do not hesitate to ask your friends, close people and relatives yourself, in the first stages it will be extremely useful. Redistribute concerns for the child and between relatives, allocate "areas of responsibility." Make sure from your own experience that friends and family, neighbors and even acquaintances are ready to help if you clearly explain what it can be.

4. Make a schedule of meetings with close friends and family, and stick to it. Talk to them more often on the phone - isolation can worsen depression.

5. Walk outside regularly with a stroller or baby sling, and do it as often as possible during the day. Move all the time, because constant moderate physical activity helps to lift your mood.

6. Do not be skeptical about the famous proverb that time is the best medicine. As practice shows, after a while everyone who got into a similar situation reacts more calmly to her husband's actions. However, there is no specific period, each has its own time frame for calming the soul.

7. Women's forums are filled with such stories. And many women successfully overcame all difficulties, improved their lives and found female happiness. Read the stories of online users, ask the members of the forum for advice, share your incident. Even strangers are ready to provide support and discuss difficult life situations.

8. Baby yoga will help satisfy the physical and emotional needs of mom and baby, distract from sad thoughts and experiences.

9. Do not try to hide and suppress your mood, on the contrary, share your worries with people, pronounce problems. Moreover, the more times you do this, the easier it will become in your soul.

10. One of the big questions is money. Of course, one with a small child in her arms is difficult to provide for both. Alimony for a child up to one year - protection of his right to the necessary material support. If the husband, after leaving, does not financially participate in the child's life in any way, then it will be necessary to go to court.

11. In addition to the "default" happiness that appears in the house simultaneously with the appearance of the child, you can (and should) assume that the child is your personal "perpetual" engine, existing in a single copy and powered by your positive emotions.

12. If necessary, seek qualified help from a psychiatrist or psychotherapist who can help you cope with emotional distress.

Unfortunately, difficulties are inevitable, but you need to learn to treat them philosophically. Your task is not to get discouraged, but to find an opportunity to get maximum benefit from your current state. Remember that problems in life only harden, make you look at the events from a different angle.

Prepared by Valeria Skripkina