Boleslav Gupka

There are no perfect fathers (remember what Jesus had to experience because of his wayward dad). We think you are also not an exception to the rule. However, the saddest thing in this situation is that you may not know that you have not become a teacher. It is as difficult for an ordinary parent to notice mistakes in their own parenting manner as it is for a vampire to find a pimple on his forehead with the help of a mirror. Often, any difficulties that arise in the relationship between adults and children are interpreted as improper behavior of the child. In order to stop shifting the blame onto fragile children's shoulders and understand what mistakes you are prone to in the process of upbringing, find yourself by special signs among 5 parenting stereotypes. Please note that one stereotype does not exclude the other. You might be, for example, "the eternally disgruntled authoritarian bodyguard father."

To explain what you are wrong, and to give you instructions on what to do now, we asked our permanent consultant, leading specialist of the center of family psychology "We", candidate of psychological sciences Tatyana Sviridova.

Special signs

It's almost impossible to please such a father. ("Dad, dad! I found a gold nugget the size of a horse's skull!" - "Where are the shoes on the carpet ?!") "Such rejection of one's own child usually works on a deep subconscious level," says Ms. Sviridova. "Even if this is not expressed in aloud reproaches, the father still unconsciously experiences that his child is weaker and less successful than the other children." The habit of evaluating a child according to his own far-fetched standards leads to the fact that even his real successes will go unnoticed. For example, for a conditional dad, an athlete of this variety, the first place in the French horn competition, which was taken by his son-slicker, means absolutely nothing. After all, this bastard cannot even pull up three times! Especially holding your precious French horn in your teeth.

All in the father

The rejected child grows up with low self-esteem. “He cannot show independence, because he is not confident in his own abilities,” our consultant explains this pattern. In addition, this parenting stereotype can lead to stubbornness and other types of childish defiance. Not receiving paternal love, the child begins to deliberately behave in such a way as to anger the parent: "Since I am so bad, then here you go!"

On the path of correction

Of all the five described "wrong" types, this is the most difficult to fix. Parental love is blind and, in principle, works without additional feeding for an unlimited period. Only a professional psychologist will help to find out the reason for the deviation from the genetic given. The origins are very different: they can lie in the childhood of the father, who was also rejected by the parents, in the existing marriage, concluded due to the "flight", in suppressed suspicions that the child is "not yours", etc. If you got into this the category of fathers, try to look at your behavior from the outside. Literally. Let the camera record everything that happens at home: family breakfast, playing together. "Since rejection often works on an unconscious level, viewing the tape will help not only to documentarily prove to you the unpleasant truth that you are rejecting the child, but also, possibly, to understand why you are annoyed," says Tatiana.

Special signs

When a “bodyguard” talks about his child, he, without hesitation, uses the word “we” and derivatives from it. (“We have a temperature,” “We’ll go to school soon,” “We crap again today, well, more precisely, only me, ha-ha.”) Such a father considers his life only in the context of a child: he does not just make money - he works for his future heir. "In psychology, this is called a symbiotic relationship." People who do not feel the boundaries of another personality are prone to them. A child for a symbiotic is a continuation of the personality of a father who does not understand that his child is a separate creature with its own interests and characteristics, ”explains Tatiana. If there is an incident with teachers or classmates at school, the “bodyguard” will run to sort it out, as he perceives the incident as a personal drama.

All in the father

As a result of such overly close contacts of the symbiotic species, the child depends on the mood of the adult. If the father is sad, the son will also be sad. (“No, I will not let you and the guys out into the yard. We will sit together in a dark room, staring at one point, and grieve that I am already forty-five years old, and I still hold the shameful position of vice president of the bank, but he could have already been its president. ”) But the worst of all the child will have when he enters into an independent life. Having received the wrong experience of relationships, in the future he will vainly reach out to people in order to get the same acute and all-consuming emotional contact as in childhood. It is good if he comes across the same symbiotic, but he is likely to face a series of disappointments. Psychoanalysts believe that it is these individuals who are most prone to addictions: alcohol, drugs, gambling. Symbiosis abhors a vacuum. But on the other hand, this vacuum is easy to fill with a drink, which is always at hand and will never fail.

On the path of correction

If you have found the features of a "bodyguard" in yourself, our specialist recommends that you try to get carried away with something else besides the dearest child. More time collecting compasses - less time ruining your child's life. In addition, reinforce the separation process with resignation. For example, agree with your child that now you will absolutely not help him solve his math homework. Since symbiosis is a problem of two people, the main thing is to give the child the experience of communicating with others, so that he becomes familiar with different types of behavior. Such a society will be provided by a sports section, a summer camp, a nanny or kidnepers.

Special signs

Fathers of an authoritarian type usually come from families in which authoritarianism also manifested itself (therefore, every son of an authoritarian father is also the grandson of an authoritarian grandfather). Communication with a child with such a parent is always limited by strict rules and strictly regulated. Please note that this most vaunted authority is not based on the skills or merit of the father, but simply on the fact that he is older, taller and with a mustache. ("I will not eat this stew!" - "You will!" - "I will not!" - "I said, you will - that means you will!" - "Daddy! Well, let me at least open a tin can before that!"

All in the father

A child crushed by his father's authority in childhood and accustomed to the fact that it is impossible to be capricious, most likely, will never learn to express his emotions in words. “This is fraught with the fact that any grief will be more difficult for them, he will not be able to help himself by“ speaking out ”it. And this is the first step towards the emergence of psychosomatic problems, ”explains Ms. Sviridova. In general, children brought up in an authoritarian family make ideal subordinates. They are very pedantic, executive and loyal. If you are the head of the personnel department, recruit just such, you will not go wrong. True, they lack creative courage and flexibility of thinking, but they will perform clearly set tasks inside and out.

On the path of correction

If you have enough willpower to tell yourself to stop commanding the child, do so. However, you will hardly be able to remake yourself at once. Therefore, try to drive yourself into your favorite framework of rules. Play games with your child more often, in which nothing depends on your age, strength and opinion. Monopoly, bingo, and Russian roulette will do as well, unless, of course, the pistol has a trigger that is too tight for a child. Since any of you can win these games, you will not put pressure on your inflated authority. Balance your temper and games in which the child will command you. You can play a horse, carrying an heir on your restive, unbroken ridge. And if he's older, just ask him to explain to you how to deal with iTunes. It will be difficult for you to go against your authoritarian nature, but you must constantly show your child that dad is different.

Special signs

The child of the “permissive” can stand on his head (including his own), but the father will never scold him. How can you! Let him be only two years old, but he is already a formed personality! You've probably seen a product of this kind of upbringing: on the plane these young bawlers are usually put right behind your seat. A conniving father never notices the problems that his child gives to those around him. If someone outsider makes a remark (and such a child hears them from strangers all the time), the father will get it not for the guilty prankster, but for the outsider. Instead of looking for the cause of the disgusting behavior, they seek and, of course, find an excuse for the unseemly act.

All in the father

“A child who was not once given the boundaries of behavior grows up as a mowgli in a social sense,” our consultant puts a label. - Society will not accept this savage, since most of his actions will be perceived as rudeness and arrogance. Indulging in any of his "want" forms a psychopathic personality that will grossly violate any rules and norms. " At the same time, "Mowgli" himself will never guess how he gets everyone so badly, and he won’t think of asking for forgiveness. His sense of empathy was never developed, so he does not understand that he can be angry and offended.

On the path of correction

From now on, your mind should prevail over feelings. This will be easier to achieve if you look at any action of your child as if through the eyes of an outsider. Did your son put the teacher's bra in your pocket? What a cute prank! But what would you do if it was not your heir who did it, but someone else's dunce? Yes, of course, in the end you will forgive your son, but in no case right away: after any offense, the child should receive feedback. Do not swallow even the smallest offense. You are obliged to explain every time why this or that action is bad or good. If you are such a weak being that your heart bleeds every time you have to punish a child, hire a very strict nanny and give her full power over the child. If Freken Bock had looked after Carlson in childhood, the tale would have turned out to be boring, but the baby's cakes and his steam machine would have remained intact.

Special signs

Such a parent is easily recognizable by a three-year-old walking beside him, who in his mature years still does not let a baby pacifier out of his mouth. The nanny father perceives the child younger than his real age. Blowing off dust particles from your child is characteristic of any parent. Remember how touchingly you care for your child when he is sick and causes blinding pity in you. ("To expel the annoying pony from the room and invite fresh clowns? Now, now! Don't get up!") Remember? This is exactly how the nanny father treats his own - every day. In addition to the fact that such an excessive desire to protect the child from any difficulties is associated with a natural love for his offspring, it is often burdened by the father's internal problem. “He could have been very shaken by some misfortune that happened to the child. Let's say he was very ill for a very long time or was nearly hit by a car, - suggests Tatyana Sviridova. - Or, for example, the father simply feels his guilt in front of him for something. By the way, realizing the reason that turned you into a father-nanny is the first and biggest step towards rectifying the situation. "

All in the father

Because the requirements for a child do not correspond to his real capabilities, he will grow up very moody. A spoiled child will always perceive the surrounding people, especially parents, only as a means to satisfy his needs. At the same time, while others suffer from his egoism, he himself will experience difficulties with adaptation among his peers: the whole group has already formed in pairs at the door, and he is still waiting for the teacher to tie his shoelaces. Haha, as Nelson would say, pointing the finger at this mama's boy.

On the path of correction

The easiest way is to read at least one sensible book on child development standards and believe what it says. If smart people wrote that a child by the age of two should be able to build (without your help!) A tower of eight cubes, then it is so. (By the way, it's a pity that these standards end at school age. It would be interesting to know how high a tower of blocks a man should be able to build, say, forty-two years old.) And also, since it has been noticed that fathers-nannies are most often found in families with one child, you can have a couple more children. True, then you will not soon have time for our magazine. So, just in case, we say goodbye to you.

RELATIONSHIP PSYCHOLOGY

"Happiness is when you are understood" This is correct.
And yet, it is much more important to learn to hear and understand other people yourself.
This ability makes you free.
You see and understand - who is in front of you. You know what to expect from a person.
Such abilities can be developed in oneself by analyzing the surrounding reality and introspection.
Sages say - "Every person you meet on your way is your teacher"

Father is a son

"The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." / Theodor Hasberg /

You can't put it more simply and precisely. Today we will try to consider the issue of the psychology of father-son relationships through the prism of influence
on these relations of a third person - women - wives - mothers.

The birth of a son

A man is a social being - a fact. Whether he wants it or not, he has to adapt in society,
express yourself, and constantly confirm your masculinity. The birth of a son, this is one of the unspoken
signs of male strength. Of course, the girl does not remain in the hospital, she is surrounded by love.
But in the circle of friends, a man seems to justify himself: "First a nanny - then a lyalka", he has to laugh it off.

But, thank God - the first boy, a healthy, strong man. His mother, with a sense of accomplishment, accepts the gratitude
happy father - flowers, kisses. And now, the excitement from the first meeting passes, the guests have left, videos and photos
loaded into the computer. Everyday life begins, life is now three of us.
And the newly-made mommy notices that the spouse does not tremble over his heir, is in no hurry to take him in his arms,
and even gets angry when the child cries often and loudly.

Here, many women make the most gross mistake, for which they sometimes pay the price all their lives.
And not only they, but also sons - fatherless with living fathers.
She begins to hysteria: "After all, this is your son! Why don't you love him ?! And you don't love me, you don't help! I am with a child.
day and night, I'm tired, I don't have time for anything! "
Here, of course, she lied a little, well, just a little. I slept for an extra hour, chatted on the phone, watched the series ...
It's not about her lies. She did not notice how she planted fear and despair into the soul of her husband, so beloved just recently:
"Didn't I hurry with marriage and fatherhood? This madhouse will now be permanent? The child is screaming, she is hysterical, strained at work!
Who am I now - an errand boy, a money-making machine? Is my personal life over? "

And he has not yet had time to "become attached" to the child. If we feel love and tenderness for him even during pregnancy,
then a man also needs a "push" to feel this feeling inside himself - my, my child, my son!
This may be the first hesitant step of the baby in his direction, maybe his first step.
A wise woman will not shift her responsibilities onto her husband's shoulders: Comfort at home, delicious healthy food, child
sniffs in the crib. There are bright posters with photos of the baby on the wall above the computer.
It is so easy to create "weather" in the house so that the loved one would fly to the "nest".
If a child is healthy and well fed, there are no big problems with him. Of course, I'm talking here about that period of time,
when even the state gives a woman the opportunity to deal only with her child, herself and family relations.

Identification
But now behind the sleepless nights, undershirts ... The child has the first differences in gender
signs - toys: cars, airplanes, pistols. Increasingly, he finds himself in the hands of his father. This is where the period begins
"identification". Father's close gaze notes: This little miracle has the same unruly hair as mine,
eyes - like mine. He smiles just like me.
And then the man turns on his masculinity. The son should become his pride. God forbid, do not disgrace cowardice,
weakness, the most unacceptable qualities for men.

The psychology of the father-son relationship begins to differ strikingly from his relationship with his daughter.
If the daughter is a little angel, causing only a feeling of tenderness, then the son very early begins to feel hard
male father character. "Do not cry - you are a man, be patient - you are a man!" Sometimes fathers even "go too far" in severity of their sons.
This is where mom should step in. In no way sparing my son. Only a dialogue with her husband.
He must definitely understand that with his toughness and dictate, he will make his son insecure and dependent.
The world of men is cruel - I must say this directly: Constant competition, pressure, test of strength.
Who, if not the father, will guide the boy into this world, will help him in his formation.
Well, how can a mother say to her son - "What are you talking about - a coward or what?" From a woman's mouth it will sound rough and vulgar
... And among men, this is the norm.

Now let's move on to the sad statistics - most marriages break up. Why? The question is open.
Often, we simply do not forgive shortcomings, while clearly realizing that there are no ideal people.
It's good if, after parting with his wife, the father does not lose contact with the children. But even this statistic is depressing. Meetings become
less often, in short, they turn into telephone conversations, with a material bias. And the son is growing.
A wise woman, she is wise because she can find a way out of the most hopeless situation.
Of course, stepfather is also a way out. And if it is not on the horizon? And the son is growing.
Here you need to calmly, without despair and panic, look around. Real, strong, wise men are there.
Most often, these are sports coaches. Take this issue very seriously. Find such a person
talk to him, make sure he is the right person, and bring your son to him. Choose not a sport for your son, but a coach.
When you hear rave reviews from your boy about your coach, consider that you have given your child a start in life.

Rivalry or friendship

Still, the family remains the main unit of society .... The son grew up - a young reformer, with a frightening outlook on life.
Otherwise it can not be. Each new generation believes that it has come to this world to change it.
In the psychology of father-son relationships, this is perhaps the most difficult period. Many dads of growing sons behave
sometimes with them, like banks with overdue customers. For many years, fathers indulged their ambitions, dreamed like their sons
conquer one peak after another, glorifying the surname. And the fact that a young man is now a separate independent person,
the father simply cannot perceive adequately. "This is my son! I have invested so much in him! I know better what is good for him."

It happens that such situations end in a break in relations. The father does not want to see his son, and the son leaves in a fit.
It will take both years to understand that there is no one closer and dearer to them.
It is a woman - a wife - a mother who should become a diplomat, peacemaker, actress, but make the men dear to her hear each other and understand.

A father-son relationship can flow in two opposite directions:
Father and son are rivals. The elder tries to "crush" the authority at any opportunity. He lived, he saw, he knows ...
The younger one is sure that his father's views and beliefs are outdated. He doesn't understand anything in modern life.
"When I was fourteen, my father was so stupid that I could hardly bear him. But when I was twenty-one,
I was amazed at how much this old man has grown wiser over the past seven years. "/ Mark Twain /

Father and son are friends. Friendship between father and son begins at the very birth of the child, and not when the boy
turns fourteen, or twenty. A self-sufficient, self-confident young man will not assert himself at the expense of his wife,
children, because he believes in himself, in himself. He perceives the birth of a child correctly - as the joy of the birth of a new life.
Such a father, from the first days, and even from the first realization that he will have a child, begins to feel responsibility.
A son lives next to such a father with a sense of security, which is so necessary in childhood.
The father's hobbies in friendship relations necessarily become the son's hobbies and bring them even closer.
A woman can only wisely maintain this harmony and enjoy life.

Let's stop at this and smile:
Male conversation
- Dad, what is love?
- Oh, son! Love is fusion and dissolution!
- Chemical process?
- Love is mutual attraction!
- What - to teach physics?
- Love is a kind of continuation!
- Both biology and anatomy? Oh no! I will never love!

Unfortunately, the issue of the importance of the girl's father's upbringing is not given due attention in society, since traditionally the priority is given to the mother's upbringing of the daughter.

And this is really so, however, there are those key points in the upbringing of a girl, the responsibility for which lies with the father, and the mother, no matter how she tries, will not be able to replace her father in them.

The fact is that it is the relationship with the father that fundamentally affects the formation of the daughter as a future woman, her further relationships with men and the choice of a life partner. All of these factors are crucial in a woman's life.

Let's take a closer look at how the relationship with the father affects the fate of the daughter.

To begin with, the father is the first and most significant example of a man in his daughter's life. The responsibility is colossal. If all fathers were aware of it ...

The paternal image and the “father-daughter” relationship set in childhood many programs and attitudes for the communication of an adult woman with the opposite sex. It is good if the settings and programs are correct and useful. And if not?

In the life of a grown-up daughter, problems of a different nature can arise. Let's try to figure it out.

Suppose the ideal option: a complete family, parents together take part in raising their daughter, family relationships are harmonious, dad is wise and loving.

Of course, it is difficult to understand paternal love, it differs from maternal love. But even the restrained, not very emotionally colored love of the father is felt, perceived and absorbed by the daughter. A daughter for a loving father is a princess, this is his (and this is why) an ideal female creature: the most beautiful, most beloved, the most ... in everything and always, this is his pride, this is the light of his soul.

In turn, paternal love gives the girl a sense of security, security, self-confidence, self-worth; develops femininity, attractiveness, demand and success.

The girl grows up next to her loving father, realizing that she is worthy of love of the opposite sex. When a daughter sees, feels and knows that the most significant man in life, the father, loves and accepts her for who she is, the girl learns to love and accept herself, and, importantly, learns to accept love and attention to herself of the opposite sex.

A father for a girl is a whole WORLD. And if this world loves and accepts her, is always ready to help and protect, then she is not afraid of anything. She goes into adulthood without fear, with the knowledge that everything will be fine, she will always find support and support, because the whole world is on her side.

A positive program learned in childhood will work throughout life for the benefit of an adult woman.

Such a woman will attract loving men who will become her support, support in life and will show constant concern for her.

Another very important aspect of a girl's upbringing is the attitude of the father to the mother.

The girl needs to see that dad loves mom. By observing the love of a father for a mother, every child experiences a sense of security, joy, happiness and harmony in the world. Any manifestation of dislike for the mother on the part of the father causes pain to the daughter, which, accumulating, can become an insurmountable wall in the relationship between father and daughter.

Dear fathers, it is very important in relation to mothers to show daughters how a man shows love and attention to a woman. In this way, a girl forms a model of relationship between a man and a woman, which she will learn for life, like all other models of relationships in the family.

If “love and attention” in the family manifests itself in the form of discontent, nagging or rudeness, this lesson will be learned: this model of relationship will become natural for a matured woman in the future.

You have noticed that our entire conversation periodically returns to love. If a girl feels a lack or lack of paternal love, she grows up insecure, suppressed, downtrodden, withdrawn or, on the contrary, openly aggressive, denying and suppressing masculine essence.

How often does a young and beautiful girl have to be convinced that she is a beauty, clever, worthy of love and attention of the opposite sex, while a completely outwardly inconspicuous girlfriend arouses interest in young people, communicates freely with them and does not complex about her shortcomings appearance.

The girl, who in childhood felt a lack of paternal attention and love, grows up with a feeling of her own defenselessness, with a fear of the vast world and the unpredictability of life. Everything is given to her with great personal labor, because she does not know how to ask for help, does not expect support and relies only on herself. Success in life becomes difficult. Personal life is not easy either.

Alertness and distrust of men often lead a woman to control her husband, suppress him, and assume male responsibilities. This is especially common in the case when the girl was brought up only by her mother, who “dragged all the hardships of life on herself,” or when the father was in the family, although the mother had to “plow” herself in relations with him all the time.

It happens that a woman compulsively seeks the attention of the opposite sex, is available and not picky in relationships, easily enters into relationships with men who show attention to her. She is looking for love and clings to everyone who will compliment her or an affectionate word.

Or, by her behavior, a woman all the time wants to prove how good she is and therefore worthy of love. And her whole life turns into a continuous desire to "please him" in anticipation of attention and love in return. Some women torment a man with a constant question: do you love me? Or: tell me that you love me! Others suffer quietly and cry furtively in frustration.

It also happens that a woman is afraid of relationships with a man, does not know how to build them, avoids communication with the opposite sex. She “strikes” a career, sometimes even refuses her personal life and creating a family. Why does she need a man, the woman justifies herself, she is strong and can achieve everything herself.

There can be a lot of imbalances in the life of a woman who grew up without paternal love and attention. How many lives, so many unique experiences.

Many women, after reading this article, will say: so what to do now? Childhood has already passed, life did not turn out the way it wanted, nothing can be fixed. In fact this is not true.

The first is to put aside self-pity and regret about a failed personal life. After all, for some reason, the lessons of life passed were necessary.

Second, it is important to thank the past for the invaluable experience, forgive the father (in the end, he fulfilled his main purpose - you were born), let go of all grievances, look at your inner child with love, understand, grow up and start working on yourself.

Life changes will gradually begin to take place. Health is very likely to improve. After all, it's no secret that one of the most common causes of women's diseases is accumulated resentment against men, which is based on a problematic relationship with the father.

I believe that every father who has read this article to the end loves his daughter. However, it is difficult for men to emotionally express their feelings, because open emotionality is more characteristic of women and children.

Therefore, in conclusion, I want to generalize a little the above and give recommendations to the fathers:

• Remember, a daughter needs her father's love as much as her mother's. It depends on your paternal example how her adult relationships with men will develop, whom she will choose as husbands, and, therefore, how, in this regard, her personal life will develop.
• Treat your daughter's mother with love. A daughter should see an example of love and respect between a man and a woman in the person of her parents. This sets the correct basic model for your daughter's future relationships with men.
• Show trust in your daughter, talk to her about her problems, show concern, be there at crucial moments of her life, know how to step aside, respect her choice.
• Show warmth in your relationship with your daughter, hug, compliment, admire, give gifts, be sincere.
• Avoid overprotecting your daughter. With an excess of paternal love, a girl may develop a strong emotional dependence on her father, which causes no less harm than a lack of paternal love.
• Show understanding and sincere interest in your daughter's life, spend time together (visit the theater, go to exhibitions and concerts, arrange holidays; listen to the music she loves; be interested in what she is fond of; inspire her to develop and develop yourself).
• Be strict when necessary, but always wise and fair. Punish with love, without anger, explaining your actions.
• Never let yourself be assaulted against your daughter!
• Respect your daughter's personality, even if she is still very young.
• Be positive and develop a sense of humor.
• Be a worthy male example in everything! Encourage femininity in your daughter. Remember, you are the most important man in the life of a growing little woman - your daughter. She looks at you intently and makes life decisions at an early age. Don't miss your daughter's childhood!

“In our society, the paternal instinct is often blocked,” says psychologist Alexander Vikulov with regret. - "From early childhood, boys are imposed a ban on the expression of emotions. And taking care of children often looks like an occupation that is not worthy of a" real "man in the commonplace. As a result, we see a huge number of children who are disadvantaged with their parents alive and restless fathers who are not able to pass on to children own social experience. After all, if there is no contact with the child, then the life baggage of the father remains unclaimed "

Photo source: pixabay.com

What can dad give a child, besides, excuse me, genetic material?

1.Feeling secure. The father is big, strong, faith in his power in early childhood is enormous. A person who has grown up with this feeling is more resistant to troubles. After all, the feeling of support, recorded in the subconscious from infancy, is the most lasting.

2. Male behavior model. The boy imitates his father. The girl, using the example of her dad, comprehends the secrets of male psychology, which means that it will be easier for her in marriage. And children of both sexes get the first ideas about family life - being, personal relationships.

3. Paternal support is a great start in life.Mother loves us unconditionally, but dad is more ambitious. He is jealous of our victories and defeats, is proud when we show perseverance and character, encourages those qualities in us that help us succeed in life.

Photo source: pixabay.com

Signs of paternal insolvency

1. Lack of awareness. Dad has little idea about friends, hobbies, school performance, problems, the state of health of the child.

2. Dissatisfaction with the child. Their own offspring seem lazy, inept. The father reproaches the son or daughter for the lack of respect for him. He often resorts to comparisons unfavorable for the child: "Here I am at your age ..."

3. A failed father often thinks that mothers spoil children grandmothers spoil the street and television. Such dads believe that their beneficial effect on the child is blocked and nullified by some external forces.

4. Lack of interest in the child... It's boring to play with him. It's not interesting to do lessons. Everything that the child says seems silly, his activities are trifles, and his achievements are insignificant.

5. Communication difficulties. The father does not know how to ask the child, how to ask the question correctly. Often an attempt at contact turns into a conflict. Such a dad often resorts, for example, to the mediating help of his wife: "Well, tell him ..." And if the conversation with the child does not go well, he immediately sneers: "He is rude to me!"

6. A failed father has tough expectations for a child. "The boy must learn to fight", "The girl must definitely graduate from music school."

7. Limitation of rights.“Once you learn, you go to work. Then you will perform. And now I am responsible for you! "

8.A failed father rarely praises a child. Doesn't cheer up his son, rejoicing in his dexterity and strength. Daughter does not compliment her, does not notice her new outfits or hairstyles. Doesn't say thank you when kids do something for him. And he himself is not generous with surprises.

9. Failure to describe in detail the child's appearance. Some dads cannot remember what clothes children wear, their manners, speech patterns, even height and eye color.

Photo source: pixabay.com

How to increase paternal influence and authority

• Increase the communication time by at least half an hour a day.
• Change communication style. Questions should be asked direct, with a sincere interest in the child, and not in the form of reproaches. And in order to show interest, it is important to be imbued with what worries children. This is possible only in live communication. Sometimes it's helpful for a simple change of scenery. “Today I accidentally met my boyfriend on the bus,” one dad shared with me in surprise. "We talked so well!"

• Unites a common cause. You can go on a hike, go fishing, go on an excursion to a neighboring town, or make something together.
• It is important to ask yourself questions about what you might pass on to your son or daughter. What have you achieved, what experience have you gained, how can you be of interest to children, how can you help them in development, what kind of help can you offer?

And how much do your husbands delve into raising children?

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