Women often regret that today's boys lack male upbringing, and as a result of the lack of male upbringing, men do not show themselves as masculine. This is a huge truth, but are we ourselves ready for such upbringing, including whether women themselves are ready to accept the difficult norms of male upbringing, upbringing like a man?

The belief "Men don't cry" is an essential part of a man's upbringing. I think this is a good conviction, only it must be applied with reasoning and intelligence.

Crying in itself is not embarrassing or harmful. It is good to cry with joy, you can cry at a funeral, where it is appropriate and accepted. But in other situations, where children and women might cry, men don't. Men do not cry, because for them it is usually meaningless, and in order to remain men, that is, strong and reasonable people.

Not everyone knows this, but for a man, crying is meaningless. For women, everything is different: if a woman has grief and cries, it usually becomes easier for her, crying helps a woman to cope with mental pain. But for men everything is not so, their grief and their pain are not relieved by crying, no. Women hardly believe in this, but it is so - tears are no easier for men.

If a man is against his tears, they cause him to protest and additional internal tension. If a man has nothing against a man's crying, he is indifferent to his own tears, as well as to any secretion of fluid from the body.

In male culture, crying is not accepted in the same way as among educated people - mat. Crying is just a habit. Of course, if this habit was developed from early childhood, crying seems natural and inevitable, but in cultures where the habit of crying is not cultivated, crying habits do not. Men do not cry, not because it is embarrassing or bad, but because they have other tasks in life and they must be strong enough to maintain reason and calmness in any situation.

A slightly different situation in psychotherapy groups, where crying is customary. Men do not find themselves there often, and the atmosphere, at least for business people there, is, to put it mildly, strange for them, but if in that situation a man is "rushed" and wants to cry, this is completely normal. In different situations, there are different norms of behavior, and in the doctor's office you need to behave as the doctor says. Restraining crying in front of a therapist is inappropriate.

A similar situation, where in ordinary life crying for a man is allowed and useful, this is unbearable mental pain, which can only be relieved by vigorous physical activity or sobbing. Sobbing, from the point of view of the doctor, is an energetic respiratory pumping, in which endorphins are intensely released: hormones of joy and a medicine for pain. This is a useful procedure that saves a man's health in an emergency.

If the steam boiler is too overheated, it is imperative to discharge the steam through the valve, otherwise the boiler, especially fragile one, will explode. Crying is the same safety valve against emotions that are ready to explode the soul.

Anything can happen in life, and it is difficult to be ready for everything and always. Life can once strike so that the strongest man will fall and cry into tears. Crying on the inside and being calm on the outside, if it is not justified by the demands of life, is not healthy. Trying to remain calm is a worthy intention, but in a situation of acute pain, it is rather erroneous: this is not a situation where goals must be achieved at any cost. If there is a sharp pain in your soul, you can cry, this is natural and normal. After that, it is important to quickly pull yourself together, get together and return to the life of a man - that is, big and often difficult work, work without unnecessary emotions and crying.

And then - make sure that no internal emergency situations arise.

If we return to the analogy with a boiler, then a real man is a high-quality, durable and well-oiled boiler, which has enough power (internal strength) to solve any problems in a normal mode, without any overheating and without emergency situations.

When a man cries, it is his defeat, albeit small, but as a man. Men do not cry. If you are a man and you cry, you have allowed yourself weakness, you have not kept track of yourself and brought the internal situation with emotions to an emergency. It’s not scary, but for a man it’s wrong. Next time, be stronger and more prepared.

Or be more calm about your tears, if it's just age-related. Yes, this is curious: somewhere after fifty years male hormones are gradually washed out in a man's body, men begin to acquire more feminine features and outlines, and more and more often - completely unexpectedly! - the man breaks into tears. Man's tears or the absence of tears is not only the result of this or that upbringing, it is also just a hormonal factor. And in this sense - age.

"Men don't cry" as a pedagogical suggestion to children

Women love to take care of the little and unfortunate, they love to feel sorry, but the result of such a female upbringing is a girl, not a boy. Rarely do boys cry, whom their parents taught to act in a difficult situation. Children who do not know what to do cry more often. Children cry not just for pain, children cry for adults to be sorry. "Cry, cry, it will be easier!" - the grandmothers tell their granddaughters: there is a normal training of girls in the norms of female behavior. "Men don't cry" - fathers tell their sons so that they don't turn into cry. See →

Video from Yana Happiness: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

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Why does a man cry, because men are known as the less emotional gender. It is men who usually remain cold and unperturbed in difficult situations. But it is not entirely correct to keep all the emotions to yourself. It is unhealthy. But you don’t need to be sloppy either. There are situations in which men can openly show their emotions, which we were not. Consider under what life circumstances men can cry.

Male crying in history

The men were always crying. However, the acceptability of a man's crying was time and culture dependent. Such a manifestation of emotions in men is not always acceptable. If you look through the ancient Greek and Roman history, you can find for yourself a lot of stories about crying men. For example, in Homer's Iliad, the heroic qualities of Odysseus do not in any way conflict with the moments when he yearns and cries for home, for relatives and friends, mourning for fallen comrades. But Odysseus never lost heart from loneliness and disappointment. And he often tries to hide his tears from prying eyes.

The Old Testament also abounds in masculine weeping. Crying was part of the prayer to God. Also, Jewish men shed tears before going into battle. Church ministers believed that tears are a gift and a natural addition to a person's spirituality.

At some point, tears began to be seen as an absolute force on the one hand, and on the other - manipulation.

In the Victorian era, tears were considered an exclusively feminine quality, since it is a woman who is a graceful and fragile nature, which is completely filled with emotions. In the 20th century, the ideal of a man appeared who never cries. And most of the men were raised in this manner. And these men continue to raise their children as well. This is both right and wrong. Each person has their own opinion. I will not urge you to cry or never cry. I just cite a few life situations in which men can cry and no one will look at it with contempt.

When can a man cry?

1. Death of a loved one. In my opinion, there are no things that cause more pain than the death of a loved one and a very close person. The realization that you have lost someone is a storm of emotions, and this is normal.
2. Death of a beloved pet. A pet can be so loved that it even becomes a family member. The bond between man and faithful animal goes deep into the heart and settles there. And the loss of this creature is tantamount to the loss of a loved one.
3. Birth of a child. The birth of a child, or rather the realization that you and your wife gave life to the child, can cause a storm of emotions, and subsequently tears of joy will not be long in coming.
4. When you propose to her and she says yes. This is one of the happiest days in your life, so you don't have to avoid tears of joy. You found her, your best friend. You have found each other.
5. At the altar when you marry her. On this important day in the life of the young, guests may notice the groom's slightly clouded eyes and the bride's shy gaze.
6. When you have to part with your loved one, even if things. Especially the first car. It is true that an invisible connection can arise between a person and his four-wheeled friend, and it is broken very painfully.
7. When visiting sites that honor those who gave their lives for others. It doesn't matter what it is, watching the names of those killed in the Vietnam War, or watching a video of a terrible accident, the realization that these people died should evoke some feelings in you.
8. Describing a truly spiritual experience. When you describe truly important moments in life or tell tragic stories, feelings should awaken in you that can even cause tears.

When are men not allowed to cry?

1. When your favorite team lost. I like sport. I have favorite teams. But I think there are things more important than losing in sports.
2. When others are looking for a source of strength and tranquility in you. Yes, there are situations when the people around you need to feel that there is a strong person nearby who can find a way out of any life situation. Don't let them down!
3. If you don't get what you want. Only little boys cry when they don't get what they want. You're a grown man, and real men don't cry when they are disappointed. They try again to get what they want.
4. When you are upset. It’s unforgivable to cry because you’re overworked, or when you’re unable to come up with a solution. If you cry at such moments, then the solution will definitely not be found, and the situation will not be resolved. In such moments of life, you need a sober head and pure thoughts, dude, not snot.

Why do men cry. There are several reasons for the bitter tears of men, or one mean tear. If a man sheds this tear, then he does not become a "rag", he simply cannot hold back in himself all the bitterness from what is happening. And only a very strong person can show his emotions. And the weak will be afraid of universal ridicule.

The most terrible tragedy that can make a man cry is the death of someone close to him: relatives, friends. Although in this difficult period of life, he simply must remain adamant to life. Take on all the problems of disposal. This is a very difficult procedure and requires special willpower. But, at the moment when all the preparations for the funeral are over, the man relaxes here and either an animal roar, the one of hopelessness, comes out of him, or just the one buying up a man's tear will roll down his cheek.

Many men cannot hold back tears when parting with their beloved woman. They have no strength left to fight, to return their beloved. From everything that happens, they begin to feel depressed, and they can, like women, weep into their pillow. But it will only be one moment of these tears that no one will see.

During church services, men also cry. But, this already happens spontaneously, it is God enters their souls, and opens all the hidden corners of the soul. At this moment, the man becomes himself, and does not show his strength and masculinity. He becomes just a child, pure and open.

Women think that only they can zealously experience the illness of children. That only they can empathize with others. A man in the understanding of a woman is most often a soulless blockhead who cannot show his emotions under any circumstances.

If only women knew. What is happening in a man's heart at this moment. How painful and lonely it is at these moments. He cannot cry like a woman, he cannot call his friends and cry into their waistcoat. Because it is made of a different "dough", more drawn out than a woman.

Have you ever wondered why men die more often from heart attacks later in life? Just because they cannot show their emotions, their tears. All this remains inside them, and gradually breaks the heart into small pieces. Corrodes the soul. It burns with fire all the insides of the body. But they cannot show it, because they consider it beneath their dignity.

But where, then, should they vent their emotions? They find another way out of the situation, they just drink, drink and drink. It seems to them that alcohol is the only way out of all situations. In order for men not to withdraw into themselves, not to go into binges, we women must help them. We are, first of all, mothers who must and simply must feel their sons, their husbands, brothers. Women are much stronger morally than men.

You cannot humiliate a man if he cried in front of you at least once. Men's tears are different from women's tears. Women cry for and without it. And a man can cry only at a certain moment, when his soul is already overflowing with emotions. A man's stingy tear - it means a lot, it means that a man is sincere with you and introduced himself to you without his hard shell.

Men's tears, or rather their absence, is a mystery. We will tell you what is behind the "mean man's tears", which men cry more often and whether the stronger sex should hold back tears.

"Men do not cry"

The statement: "men don't cry" has its own truth. A recent study by scientists at Tilburg University showed that the stronger sex shed tears several times less than women due to hormonal characteristics. Roughly speaking, two hormones fight for our tears: testosterone and the stress hormone prolactin, which act as antagonists. Testosterone, prevalent in the male body, suppresses stress hormones, and with them reduces the need to cry. In women, the opposite is true - more prolactin, more tears.

This doesn't mean that men don't cry at all after puberty. It's just that in order to shed a tight tear, you need a very powerful reason that will cause a strong surge in stress hormones. As the Buzzfeed poll has shown, most often men allow themselves emotional tears over the death of loved ones. The reason for tears of happiness can be the birth of a child and ... the victory of your favorite football team.

Each nation has its own tears

Cultural attitudes affect the number of shed tears as much as testosterone. A study by Dutch scientists, which was attended by representatives of 35 countries, showed that in more economically prosperous countries, people cry more often than in developing countries, where it is usually "not accepted". Despite the fact that the latter should have a lot more reasons to cry.

The causes of tears also vary according to cultural norms and traditions. So among the Japanese samurai in the Middle Ages, it was customary to cry in the event of a tragedy, in the west, men's tears are an indicator of sincerity and frankness.

Abraham Lincoln used this technique constantly during his speeches. Other American presidents have since followed suit. In some cultures, tears are a common form of greeting. Someone is shaking hands, someone is crying, writes in his research "tears" specialist Dr. Winderhots.

Age is a reason for crying

Testosterone levels, which suppress stress hormones, decrease with age. Therefore, the older a man is, the more likely it is to burst into tears in public. I must say that giving yourself some slack is quite natural and even useful. Tears not only bring emotional relief, but also lower blood pressure, protect the heart from a heart attack, reduce the risk of cancer, bring an analgesic effect and are an excellent prevention even from stomach ulcers! So our tears prolong life as well as laughter, and maybe even better.

Alternative to tears

Tears "wash away stress", bring emotional relief that is necessary for anyone, even the most powerful person. Therefore, a man who thinks that shedding tears is not appropriate has to look for other ways to “let off steam”. One of these tried-and-true methods is “substitution of feelings”. A man can turn sadness into anger, and sensitivity into pride - emotions more "quoted" for the stronger sex.