Quite often, parents face difficulties raising their child. This problem often occurs during the adolescence of the offspring. The son or daughter begins to ignore their parents, show character and try to prove that he/she has matured. In this case, you should not give up and leave the situation to chance.

Important aspects in raising a teenager

1. To avoid quarrels and misunderstandings, you need to learn to accept a teenager as a mature personality. Let's understand that you are his support. Raise in such a way that the child sees his father as the head of the family. This psychological move will allow you to be respected as parents in the future.
2. Don’t put pressure on your child, try to become friends with him. Gain trust by giving advice, not orders. Listen to the position and opinion, sometimes leave the teenager alone.
3. Respect your child's feelings and personal space. In the process of raising children, forget about long instructive lectures, they are useless. Try to engage in dialogue; with this action you will achieve much more.

How to get a teenager to do homework

1. Encourage your teenager to do his homework. Explain clearly that education will be useful to him. If your child already has a conscious dream, feed it. Let's understand that by doing it step by step, he will eventually achieve whatever he desires.
2. Don't argue for execution homework the fact that “this is how it should be!” Such an argument will only alienate the teenager. During adolescence, children are extremely categorical. Therefore, find a delicate approach to the child.
3. Find out what problems he may have at school with teachers or peers. In this case, the teenager should see support in you. Don't wait for the problem to be solved on your own. This way things can only get worse.
4. Remember yourself at that age with similar difficulties, and how you needed the support of your parents.

Smoking cessation in teenagers

1. Overcoming transitional age, the child is often faced with choosing a company. His future fate depends on his actions. To prevent a teenager from developing addictions, parents should set a good example.
2. If you are driving healthy image life, teaching children to follow your example from childhood, in the future the teenager will avoid bad company.
3. At the slightest opportunity, send your child to any sports section. When communicating with peers who lead a healthy lifestyle, a teenager will not want to stoop to the level of people with addictions.
4. Communicate more with your child, do not give instructive lectures. By chance, you can give examples from life or show gentle photographs from the Internet about the consequences of bad habits.
5. Use the psychological method, outline the position that healthy people are more civilized, and those who neglect their health lead to a miserable existence.
6. Temper the teenager's spirit, his strong psycho-emotional state will not allow himself to be destroyed for the sake of primitive pleasures. From time to time, say motivational statements, for example, “A healthy body, a healthy mind,” etc.
7. On weekends, get active. This will allow you to start a new life if you previously had problems with bad habits. If possible, go out into the countryside, play ball, swim in ponds.
8. In winter, go sledding, skating, skiing or snowboarding, and make snowmen. Such actions will not only help improve relationships with the teenager, but will also strengthen the family as a whole.
9. Try not to forbid anything to your child, because in adolescence children act contrary to their parents. Explain in simple language what he can become if he uses harmful substances.

1. To avoid conflicts and misunderstandings with your child, it is worth assigning responsibilities in advance. Agree that the teenager should clean his room himself; there should be no talk of any “creative disorder”. Teach your child to be responsible and independent. In adult life he will need it.
2. Interact rather than order your teenager when distributing responsibilities; try to do the cleaning together. This way you can clean your own area. Ask your child to help you more often; this move will make the child feel needed. Remind them of the promises you made to them.
3. Communicate more when preparing food, let your offspring make contact with you. Don’t pretend to be harsh and strict parents; as a rule, it is in such families that children adolescence go against the “ancestors”. Thus, by getting involved with bad companies, they gradually slide down and degrade.

How to raise a difficult teenager

1. Before you begin strict discipline, find out the root cause of disobedience. Take a closer look at your attitude towards your child. Perhaps he simply lacks attention and care from his parents.
2. There are quite a lot of reasons. First, try to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your child. It is possible that bad behavior is caused by disagreements and frequent quarrels between parents. In this case, the offspring feels unnecessary. He is not given due attention, parents are less and less interested in the personal life of their child.
3. Start analyzing your relationship with your husband. Never blame the child when there are quarrels between parents. Try to sort things out in the absence of a teenager. Make peace, meet each other halfway, nothing should upset you. Up to everyone loved one convey that a strong family will overcome all difficulties.
4. Gradually regain your teenager's trust. This procedure will take a lot of time, but the result will be positive. The child goes downhill mainly due to family troubles. Don't let this happen. Get together on a cozy evening, have a family dinner, look through photos, start a heart-to-heart conversation.
5. Give the father the opportunity to raise the child strictly but wisely. At the same time, be loving parents and don’t let your child doubt it. Show that everything is done only for the good.
6. Strictness should not be manifested in everything; resort to it only in extreme cases. For example, when doing homework or when cleaning the room. “You have completed your duties, you can carry out free time at your own discretion."

1. Give your child warmth and care without any conditions. The child must understand that it is unacceptable to upset loving parents. After all, it is his family that will never betray him and will support him in any situation.
2. Respect your teen's choices in whatever they do (within reason). Teach your child to solve problems as they arise with your family, because it’s hard to cope alone.
3. In turn, parents should not stand still, otherwise you will “fade out.” Develop, the child must understand that your married couple serves as a standard for him. This move will not only bring you closer to your teenager, but will also strengthen your relationship with your spouse. Try to make plans for the week ahead.
4. You don’t have to spend a lot of money, go out to the park to get some air, go to the movies and theaters. Discuss plots and characters. Remember your youth and feel like teenagers. Rest assured, the family will heal new life, the depressing life will soon disappear. Don’t look for excuses that such actions are beyond your power, that you don’t have money or time.
5. If you really want, you can find time for absolutely everything; no one forces you to spend your last funds. Spend evenings with the whole family outside of your home. Try to avoid frequent teaching and orders against the child’s will.

How to achieve mutual understanding with your daughter

1. First of all, the mother should establish a relationship with her teenage daughter. The child is more drawn to the female sex, seeing support and support. Don't miss the moment when your daughter wants to consult with you. Become a friend to a teenager and share your secrets. This move will allow you to gain the child’s trust.
2. In some situations, the daughter trusts her father more. It happens that it is easier to discuss certain topics with him. In any case, parents must raise their child correctly. Also communicate a lot, find out as much as possible about personal life, teach the child to be independent. A mother must teach her daughter all the subtleties of household chores.
3. The father, in turn, is obliged to explain that you need to have character and be able to respond to offenders if something happens. Also, the teenager should see protection from his dad. In the future, he will become the standard of a man for his daughter. She will want to have the same strong and loving family that raised her.

1. The father must raise his son. Thus, an adult man will transfer his best qualities and life experience for the child. From childhood, the father needs to strengthen the character of his son so that the son can stand up for himself and protect the weak.
2. A trusting and close relationship should form between two men, like siblings. The child will always be confident that dad will take his side in any case. Do not try to be overly strict, communicate with your child and guide him.
3. The father is obliged to teach his son to do everything with his own hands, take care of chores around the house and eradicate laziness. A common cause is best suited for such purposes. For example, men can exercise together sports section, do repairs, assemble a car or motorcycle.
4. Teach your child responsibility from childhood, but never tell your son that it’s time to grow up. Such a mistake is the deepest delusion. The offspring should enjoy his childhood to the fullest; do not deprive him of this opportunity. Children already grow up quickly. When the child grows up, the realization comes that the wonderful and carefree years have passed too quickly.
5. As for the mother, she should show warmth, tenderness, love. My son needs this kind of attention. In the future, when choosing a companion, he will focus specifically on the girl’s similar behavior.

Try to talk more with your child, improve your relationship in any way. Find out what is the reason for dissatisfaction or bad mood. The main thing is not to leave the teenager unattended. Always fight for your child in any situation, don’t even think about giving up. Help with homework if the child cannot cope. Give advice to your daughter, raise your son to be a strong and strong-willed man.

Video: how to find a common language with a teenager

Aggression on the part of a child towards parents can be provoked by completely different external factors, including incorrect presentation of information by the mother: “Now I’ll call my father!” Such a seemingly harmless and even comical phrase, which is familiar to everyone since childhood, can actually cause severe psychological trauma to a child. For us, such a threat means nothing except powerlessness to solve the problem alone, while the fragile child’s psyche perceives the words completely differently: father will be dissatisfied with me, father is the source of anger and dislike, and, in the end, father does not love me. Such an idea appears in the child’s head not only thanks to the mother’s raised tone, small man much more receptive to the world around us than we are as adults. He listens to friends, teachers, classmates, parents of classmates, not realizing that the process of education has already begun. It would be much better if "culture" big world the son or daughter was taught by the parents.

Does a child’s reaction to the world around him depend on his age?

Even in adolescence, a child needs his parents. Regardless of age, in the end, only the knowledge imparted by parents remains, and not by school and teachers. At a conscious age, a child first of all gives preference to the life values ​​of his parents, but at the same time forms his own worldview. Unfortunately, this does not mean at all that if you communicate with a child as an equal, he will not repay you later with cruelty and indifference. Parents, even if they managed to become friends with their child, must first and foremost remain educators. Puberty is like being born for the second time, a rather painful process in which parents, as a rule, are not helpful.

How to react?

Compromise wins: instill in your child your life values while respecting him. At the age of 13-16, a teenager has already formed a view on certain things. Learn to listen, learn to conduct a dialogue - many parents prefer to communicate with their children in the form of a monologue, which provokes a new wave of aggression and isolation. Learn to give freedom (freedom is not synonymous with permissiveness), freedom of views, freedom of action, teaching your life principles does not mean creating your own clone. Tolerance, respect, empathy - these are the three pillars on which a relationship with a teenager rests. Get rid of your selfishness, and you will rid your child of this vice. Explain to him that there is no one right opinion. However, first you need to learn this yourself.

When you give up: is there such a thing as irreparable cruelty?

Cruelty is not a natural quality, it always has a reason, a primary source. Of course, at a very young age there is a thirst for dominance: “I want to hit and I will hit,” “I want to get what I want, and I don’t care if you can’t give it to me,” etc. But there are many opportunities to smooth out this unpleasant feature even in early age. Teach your child by example: fall in love with reading, and your child will love reading with you. Tell him that art is an escape from everyday life, good cinema is a way to learn to protect yourself from unnecessary stress and shock. The history of psychology and psychiatry knows many cases when child cruelty manifested itself in the most unexpected this moment and there is only one way to protect yourself and your child from this: proper upbringing.

While the child is small, it seems to the parents - well, just a little bit is left, he will start crawling, walking, eating and going to the potty on his own, he will go to kindergarten, to school - in general, he will become more independent, and then it will be easier for us. But that was not the case! Popular wisdom says: “Little kids are little kids, and big kids are big kids.” Of course, not everything is so sad, children bring us a lot of joy, but no one has canceled the difficulties of each stage of their growing up. As you get older, your baby of yesterday turns into a teenager and leaves the constant control when you see and warn his every move. Now he is learning to go his own way, making mistakes that are painful and sad for you to watch, but that is the price of growing up and experience.

Why is it difficult for parents to find a common language with teenagers?

Adolescence is a difficult time not only for parents, but also for the teenager himself. During this period (usually girls and boys 12-18 years old are called teenagers), a tremendous hormonal change in the body occurs, entailing serious psychological changes. A way out of the stable and comfortable feeling of being a child when adults are authoritative, the world friendly, interests are stable - this is colossal stress. It is not without reason that for psychologists and psychiatrists a teenager is a person with a “borderline” psyche, who is “allowed” to be nervous and sometimes inadequate.

During this period it is important to find mutual language with a teenager, and not try to teach life and scold him, even if it seems to you that he has become absolutely intolerable, has gotten out of hand, is rude and does not want to learn. The problem of “fathers and sons” is eternal, because no matter how much we want, we cannot return to the time when we ourselves argued with own parents, and feel your feelings at that time.

The importance of home and parents for a teenager

This may seem strange, but for a teenager, the closeness and attention of parents is almost as necessary as small child, only it should naturally manifest itself differently. Even if it seems to you that the child has withdrawn and has stopped talking about what worries him and what is happening in his life, this absolutely does not mean that he does not need parental support. Needed, and how! But asking for details that interest you, trying to speak his language (for example, using slang and a sudden interest in rock music), showing affection will only irritate him. However, your child should feel that what is happening to him is important to you, so asking questions is still necessary, as well as trying to spend time as a family. The main thing is that the questions are not intrusive, otherwise the effect will be the opposite - the teenager will simply withdraw into himself. Try replacing the question form with a statement of facts - “Daughter, you’re kind of sad today.”

When the world around us becomes complex, home remains a necessary “shelter” for a teenager, a real island of stability. Do not deprive your adult child of this safe haven with your reproaches and questions. This way you will only complicate the situation and push him, who is in “disheveled” feelings, into the company of equally confused, and possibly embittered, young people. Respect your teenager's personal space. Under no circumstances enter his room without knocking; show that you accept his right to be alone. A teenager’s room is his “cave”, where only he is the owner. Let the furniture be arranged in a way that is convenient for him, posters with his favorite performers or actors hang on the wall, even if the photographs seem ugly or creepy to you. Think about it - after all, it will be unpleasant for you if someone starts pointing out that this vase does not fit the interior, or closely watching you when you want to retire and relax.

How to communicate with a teenager correctly?

1. Start building adult relationships

Understand that your child is no longer a child at all, but a personality, albeit not fully formed. Do not demand unquestioning obedience; this will only cause protest, no matter in the form of aggression or passive disobedience.

Try to convey to your teenager that being an adult means not only making your own decisions, but also being responsible for them. Don’t panic at every minor trouble – let your child learn to deal with them himself.

2. Don’t compare your teenager to yourself at his age, much less to his peers.

We are constantly surprised by technical innovations and changes in the minds and souls of people, but for some reason we expect from children that they will be the same as we were at their age. With universal awareness thanks to the Internet, barely veiled propaganda of open relationships, alcohol and cigarettes, from which one cannot hide or escape, it is quite strange to expect a teenager to behave modestly and affably, obey his parents and study well. Its development at 13-14 years old corresponds in many respects to your 15-16 years old. Didn’t you argue with your parents at this age, didn’t you dream of reducing their control, didn’t you consider them old-fashioned, didn’t you have your own secrets?

Comparing a child, even in a private conversation, with a neighbor’s daughter or son or another teenager you know, will only cause aggression and misunderstanding. Few people like comparisons that are not in their favor, and in adolescence, self-esteem is most vulnerable.

3. Don't shout or scold.

Communication in a raised voice is almost always meaningless; another question is that in a state of powerlessness it is quite difficult to keep emotions under control. This is a science that needs to be mastered. Every time you want to raise your voice, try to restrain the first impulse (psychologists advise in such cases to count to ten). Constant screaming and “attacking,” as teenagers say, leads to the opposite reaction - what does not suit you as a parent will not change - the child will simply begin to ignore what he hears and hide unseemly actions.

Speak in the first person: not “You skipped school again!”, “Your behavior is no longer acceptable!” or “Don’t be rude,” but “I’m worried about your academic performance” or “Dad and I were really offended by your tone.” Do you feel the difference? Never forget that you should treat any person, including your own child, the way you want to treat yourself.

In some matters, our children are much more “advanced” than us. And you can quite honestly ask for advice, for example, in choosing a new phone or installing new program, downloaded from the Internet. In such a situation, the teenager feels like an adult and independent, which increases his self-esteem and brings him closer to the parent who sought advice.

5. Show interest in his affairs

By showing your child that his activities are interesting and important to you, you show respect for him. Of course, this must be done sincerely. At first, you may not notice any special changes in your relationship, but when the teenager is convinced that there is “no catch”, he will begin to happily share with you his successes in an online game, sports or creative achievements.

6. Talk while working out together and on the road

Most often, teenagers do not want to spend time with their family at all - friends, first love relationships, the Internet and hobbies become more important to them than “boring parents.” And that's absolutely normal! It happens that children begin to feel embarrassed about their parents, and no one is to blame in this situation. It’s just that right now a growing person wants to be independent, and not a child, and next to his mother, willy-nilly, he returns to childhood and loses his newfound freedom.

How to be? Communication with a teenager is very important during this period, so do not insist on going out together, but invite your daughter, for example, to help you a little with cooking, and let your son and dad go fishing or rummage around in the car. We all know that working together brings us closer together, and talking about something exciting young man It’s easier in a relaxed situation, rather than looking into the eyes of the parent sitting opposite.

A good option is to communicate while traveling by car. Being nearby, and not opposite each other, and on “neutral” territory, it becomes easier for both parties to establish contact.

7. Chat virtually

Master virtual communication methods if you have not already done so - social media, “ICQ” will help a teenager to relax and talk about things that he will keep silent about in personal communication.

8. Set the right example

To demand from a teenager that he does not smoke or drink, while for parents this is the norm, is strange, to say the least. You can no longer simply say, like a toddler, that it is “kaka.” If you can, why can't he? The same applies to the usual way of communication - if it is not customary in the family to show respect and tell each other, including children, everything honestly and openly, you should not expect the teenager to pour out his soul to you.

Of course, ideal families and ideal parents do not exist. But in some aspects, it is enough to at least recognize the problem and think about whether you are asking too much of a teenager.

What to do if a teenager does not listen and does not follow the rules?

Most of the actions that are “wrong” from your point of view are committed by the teenager absolutely without any malicious intent. He's not bad at all, just vulnerable and agitated. Here it is important to distinguish between harsh, albeit unpleasant, actions (rude words, disobedience regarding clothing or the volume of music) and real rudeness and going beyond the bounds of decency (for example, coming home drunk). In the first case, it is enough to show without words that the child’s behavior upset you - after all, he is not evil, he still loves you and does not want to hurt you. This strategy will be more effective than comments and categorical instructions. If you see “evil intent” in a teenager’s behavior, a systematic pattern of committing unseemly acts, he is rude to you – such behavior must be nipped in the bud. Parents, of course, should be friends for their child, but at the same time authoritative, and not annoying “old men” who silently swallow insults. Feel what is happening in the soul of a teenager - after all, this is your child, you know him like no one else.

And most importantly, remember that adolescence ends sooner or later. Show wisdom and patience, and you will be able to maintain a warm and kind relationship with your child, and you will remember his teenage “freaks” with a smile!

Photo from Lori's photo bank

There is an opinion that men say fewer women, Actually this is not true. Men and women can say the same number of words during the day, they just use them differently. If men think that they are right on some issue, then they are ready to argue and even swear on these topics. They do this with such fury, as if their lives depended on it, although we are talking about dirty socks that he did not put in the dirty laundry basket. You can find a common language with them, you just need to convey the information to them correctly. How to find a common language with your son - read the article further.

How to teach your sons proper communication

There is no empty chatter in the boys' conversations. It only seems to us that they are talking all sorts of nonsense and heresy, but in fact, they usually get straight to the point and speak to the point. Sometimes it looks rude.

- What's wrong with your eyebrows? We need to pinch them...

- Why does it stink so much in here? Etc.

Most often, boys say what they think. They don't mean to seem rude at all, they just say it the best they can. We need to teach our sons politeness—to communicate politely.

Mothers really want their children to be well-mannered, each of us thinks that she will be blamed for her son’s bad behavior. Boys need to be told how important it is to make a good impression, then people will be drawn to them.

Girls are more well-mannered in communication, it’s easier for them to convey what needs to be done correctly - they do it just like that, because it’s the right thing to do and that’s great. Boys need to know what they will get from this, they need to see the meaning in everything. How older son becomes, the less words uses. To my mother’s question, it’s easier for him to say: “I don’t know” or “It’s normal” than to rant. After all, one question may be followed by several more.

It’s better to talk to boys using as few words as possible, then it gets across to them faster. The more you tell your son, the more opportunities he has to argue with you. It is impossible to talk to him, he will not change because of just words. He will change when there is a suitable reason for it. Boys need to show by doing, not talking.

There are a lot of jokes in the boys' conversation, absolutely meaningless. Boys can talk seriously, but they like to talk nonsense, it's fun. Surely your son also says all sorts of nonsense when talking to you. This is important for them, so when communicating with your son, make up nonsense; in raising boys, this is necessary and quite funny. If you fantasize with your son, he will be very happy and decide that his mother is modern.

Boys ( best friends) sometimes have conversations that worry mothers. For example:

- you burp,

- and you fart,

- and you burp and fart,

- you fart so much that there are holes in your pants... etc.

Most often, mothers intervene in such conversations and explain that it is impossible to communicate like that. But for boys, this is communication. After some time, they “get excited” (laugh) at what they said.

Boys emotions

Boys are no less emotional than girls, but they rarely talk about their feelings and do not show them in public. They most often express all their problems, stress, and failures with anger. There is a type of man who keeps everything to himself - he is silent, even when he is angry. There is nothing wrong with this, but you still need to unload sometimes - it can be useful. It is better to release anger by moderating your strength than to keep everything inside yourself, or to show cruelty in full force. Our task is to teach our sons to show emotions differently.

• Little boys (2-6 years old). The first two years of children's lives are the same for both boys and girls. All children need love, protection, food, warmth, play and burping. If all this is satisfied, the child will be happy.
  By the age of two, a child should be given as many words as possible to understand, then it will be easier for them to live than for those children who have a smaller vocabulary.
  You need to talk a lot with little boys - about everything you see: animals, bugs, the sun, flowers, etc. Talk about the emotions that a person experiences: joy, sadness, sadness, happiness, fear, surprise, fatigue, etc. d. You can make all sorts of funny faces to make it fun - boys love to have fun.
  Boys just love to fantasize. Come up with all sorts of fairy tales, you can come up with a beginning and let the baby finish, or vice versa. Do all this with humor too - let them have as much fun as possible, because from 2 to 6 years old is the most carefree and funniest period of life.
• Junior boys school age(7-11 years old). At this age, boys tell (a lot or a little) some uninteresting things to us parents. For example: how he stood in line in the school cafeteria, wanted to buy a mini-pizza, and when the turn came there was no more pizza left. We are not at all interested in this, but we listen and nod, although we ourselves are busy with everyday problems, thinking about what needs to be done tomorrow, where to go, what to cook. This is very important for a child; no matter what, you need to make an effort and show that you are interested in everything he tells, you are interested in him. It's difficult, but you have to try. Honestly, my son tells me something, if I’m busy, I just nod without listening. He continues, although, of course, he sees that all the information is falling on deaf ears. I hear criticism from him that I don't listen to him. I'm very ashamed of this! I try to listen, thinking that I should be content with the moment that my son is telling something. After all, this could end, and I won’t hear a word from him, he’ll be all in himself. I put everything aside and listen. If it is not possible to postpone, I ask “what does he want to tell me about,” and say that at the moment I am very busy, I will remind you about the conversation later, and we will talk about it. The main thing is not to forget the promise.
  In general, this is the age of gaining confidence and experience. Parents need to help develop his self-confidence. To say that he is smart, handsome, to praise him more, for anything - hung his jacket on a hook, and did not throw it anywhere; did homework; put away the toys; lowered the toilet seat, etc. Talk about his feelings and emotions. At this age, boys may show anger, rage, towards someone, or just because of some problems. Don't swear or attack him, leave it for later. When he calms down, you need to discuss his anger and rage with your son, saying that you need to be a strong and balanced person and not allow feelings and emotions to push him to do wrong things.
• Teenagers (12-18 years old). This is the most difficult period for mothers, because teenagers often seem strange. They grumble, shrug, look angry, and say little. Moms are scared by the lack of communication. Many mothers think that if they talk a lot, then eventually he will have to answer something, but the teenager gets even more angry. A teenager needs free space. The more freedom you give, the more he will think you told him. It is enough to simply ask a question and leave your son alone with him.
  Everything you tell him seems important to you, but not to a teenager. If he doesn’t see the benefits and benefits in this, then it’s not important to him, so try to present your thoughts from the point of view of efficiency. It’s a big mistake when many mothers say: “Do it because I said so, and that’s it.” Perhaps he will make you leave him alone, but he will harbor anger for a long time.
  When talking to a teenager, you should use as few words as possible. Don't use long sentences, ask questions less often. Brief, clear, reasonable requests work better. The more words you say, the more opportunity he has to start an argument.
  To find a common language with your teenage son, you need to stop chatting, putting pressure on him, you just need to wait. Sometimes you have to wait a long time, but you have to be patient. He will definitely come, start a conversation with you, and start listening to you.