Our children get a taste of the world. And this is true, because the mouth, tongue, and the receptors on it are the baby’s first tools with which he learns how life works. This is why little ones love to put everything that doesn’t fit well into their mouths - from their toys to adult objects - glasses, keys and even money. Everyone, without exception, goes through this stage of development. But many children at a certain age develop another unpleasant habit - biting or pinching others. The baby may bite other children on the playground or in kindergarten, it is very painful to pinch relatives or guests who came to the house. Parents are ashamed; persuasion has no effect on the child. What to do in this situation? How to wean your child from using his nails and teeth?

Why does he do it?

First you need to understand why the child acts this way.

1. Physiological need to bite. It is observed in children aged 5 months and older. The desire to bite and gnaw is quite understandable - teeth are cutting, gums itch and swell, the baby has no other choice but to drag everything into his mouth and bite as hard as possible. This is an instinctive desire. The child is not aware of what he is doing. Typically, the “peak” of dental suffering lasts up to 9–11 months.
2. Emotional problems. From about 1 year of age, the child bites quite deliberately. The fact is that the baby’s vocabulary is still extremely small, but he wants to express feelings and emotions no less than an adult. Especially during periods of stress and vivid impressions. Therefore, the baby finds no other way out but to resort to the instrument of contact with the world that is familiar from birth - the mouth.
3. Behavioral features. From one and a half to 3 years old, a child may bite due to severe stressful situations. A typical example is a change of environment when a child begins to attend kindergarten. He tests the limits of what is reasonable and acceptable and strives to keep the situation under control. He often bites in kindergarten, because this is how he tries to establish leadership in a group of peers.
4. Mental illness. We can talk about the possible presence of a psychiatric diagnosis only if the child continues to bite at 4 years, 5 years, or 6-7 years of age. In this case, consultation with a neuropsychiatrist is necessary.

Who bites?

Popularly known children's doctor Komarovsky assures that all children try to bite. I don't agree with this. In any case, none of my four children tried to bite. And my friends never had such troubles. But I will not downplay the importance of the problem. I personally saw how in a kindergarten a teacher scolded a boy who had bitten two girls and a nanny. The picture is not pleasant.

So who is prone to biting?

• Children are imitators. Guys who like to copy the behavior of others. By biting, they can repeat the actions of someone from the group in kindergarten or even copy the manners of a puppy or kitten living in your house.
• Overly emotional children. Boys and girls who are overwhelmed with feelings, but due to insufficient maturity of the emotional sphere, they simply cannot express them in any other way.
• Children who lack attention and love. In an attempt to attract attention, such guys often begin to bite and pinch. Moreover, if there is no one nearby suitable for these actions, then such a child often bites his own hand.
• Aggressive children. If by the age of 3 the habit of biting has not disappeared, despite all the efforts of parents and educators, this may indicate deviations in the development of the child’s personality. He has a high level of aggression. A mandatory consultation with a doctor is required, and then strict adherence to a set of corrective measures.
• Children with defects of masticatory muscles. An irresistible urge to bite is observed in children with weakness of the masticatory muscles. Such babies cannot part with the pacifier for a long time, and by the age of 2 they switch to other objects, but are already using their teeth.
• Children from “at-risk families”. If screaming, swearing, and quarrels are a normal and familiar phenomenon in a family, then the baby subconsciously tries to “escape” from such a “paradise.” He experiences resentment, bewilderment, fear, and often hatred. He may start biting as a defense, unable to recognize his feelings and find an adequate way out for them.

• Spoiled children. They are used to getting away with any trick, so why not bite?
• Children for whom everything is forbidden. If at home this is not possible, and this is not possible, and in general the word “impossible” is heard more often than others, children begin to protest. By biting and pinching others, they seem to be trying to break out of the too rigid framework set for them from the outside.
• Children who lack physical activity. If you manage to move less than you want, then the need to bite becomes partially physiological.
• Children who just like to bite.

How to fight?

The way to combat a harmful and traumatic habit directly depends on the reasons why the child began to bite.

If your teeth are coming out baby– buy him silicone rings- teethers or special toys with “pimples” for gum massage. They are sold in pharmacies and children's stores. Gels like Metrogil help. But before using medications, it is better to consult a doctor.

If, while breastfeeding, you notice that the child has begun to “become a bully”—biting intentionally—immediately wean the breast. This way he will develop the “bite - lose food” reflex. He will stop biting quite quickly, because even the most Small child He is not his own enemy, and understands perfectly well what he really needs for a comfortable life.

For older children, it would be a good idea to increase physical activity. Do exercises, gymnastics, send your baby to the swimming section.

Emotional children need to systematically “put into their heads” every day the idea that feelings can and should be spoken out. Let it be from the very beginning early age learns to express his emotions with words: “I’m scared”, “I’m offended”, “I like this toy because it...”, “I don’t want to go on a visit because...”.

If a child has weak chewing muscles, and he bites, as they say, not out of malice, eating solid food will help cope with the situation - more often let the baby chew on an apple, raw carrots, or cabbage stalks. An excellent exercise for the chewing muscles is blowing up balloons and soap bubbles.

It is advisable for a psychologist to work with children from so-called “conflict” families. And, of course, it is important to eliminate all negative factors that cause the child to experience stress and accumulate aggression.

When to seek help from specialists?

Every parent should find the answer to this question himself, but you should be wary of the child’s “biting” behavior if he is more than three years old, if recently an unpleasant situation occurred in the family and in the kindergarten, which made a strong traumatic impression on the baby’s psyche. You should also consult a doctor if, in addition to increased “biting” and “pinching”, the child exhibits other unusual behavior. For example, the baby began to show aggression and cruelty towards his toys (throws them, deliberately breaks them), animals (bullies), the baby almost cannot concentrate on anything, sleeps poorly at night. All these signs may indicate the presence of a mental disorder.

You can often hear this advice: “Bite him back. Let him feel it!” This is strictly forbidden. Firstly, the baby may perceive this as a game and start biting with renewed vigor. And secondly, he takes an example from adults, and if a mother can bite, then why not a baby?

The task of parents is to begin to stop biting and pinching by the child as quickly as possible. For children who are more intelligent than infants, the “Eye-to-Eye Contact” method is suitable. Squat down so that your eyes are at eye level with your baby. Make eye contact and firmly, but without anger, tell your child: “Okay. Do. It is forbidden. Never. With no one." If your baby tries to bite again, simply remove eye contact. Don’t look at him, no matter how hard he tries to attract attention, show that you are uncomfortable communicating with the biter.

If a child has mastered the art of manipulation (usually this happens at the age of 1.5–2 years) and blackmails parents with the help of bites, nip this in the bud. You should not enter into a contractual relationship with a little terrorist.

Impressionable children will not be very pleased if we scream loudly at the moment of the bite. Get them to feel sorry for you later because it hurts you. Feel free to describe to your baby your unpleasant sensations associated with a bite or pinch.

If your baby is an angel in the flesh at home, but in kindergarten he turns into a bully and bites, talk to his teachers. Convey to them that the child does not need to be punished publicly - put in a corner in front of the whole group, scolded loudly. Such actions usually have the opposite result - the baby will begin to bite even harder and more often, and will do this in order to regain authority in the team, and at the same time express protest.

When scolding your child at home, remember that you should only condemn the child’s actions, and not the child himself. No matter how overwhelmed you are with negative emotions, do not allow serious and offensive words, do not say that the child is bad, harmful, evil. He is your best, but his habit of biting is really bad and harmful.

Try to get an apology from the biting child. After each incident, he must ask the person he bit for forgiveness.

The most common reason why a child bites and plucks is the accumulation of internal aggression. Teach your child to give her a way out. To do this, play role-playing games. Act out a skit at home on the topic “How will I behave if my toy is taken away from me in kindergarten” or “What will I do if other children do not take me to play with them?” Let the child reproduce situations that are difficult for himself, and “act out” other possible solutions to the problem that he has already “tasted”.

What to do if a child offends other children or bites, watch Larisa Sviridova’s video.

Watch A. Rumyantseva’s seminar, which explains what parents should do if they are bitten by a child.

A small child may begin to bite at the moment of teething, during breastfeeding and later, after a year, in situations where he cannot cope with overwhelming emotions. How can mom and dad react correctly to this behavior and how to stop their beloved child from biting?

Moms and members of the Momshare parenting community on Facebook share their life hacks:

1) Give a big hug

When he bit, they hugged him tightly and kissed him furiously. I was angry, but I stopped.

2) Agree

As soon as the teeth appeared, I began to bite, I screamed and took the breast. The daughter was upset and cried. By the evening, I realized that she was biting, because it seemed to her that she had to bite off in order to eat, she couldn’t eat, she was hungry, she was crying, I was crying in pain... Then I hugged her and said in words that she didn’t have to bite in order to eat. So we agreed. It was 7 months.

3) Find an alternative object to bite

My daughter started biting when she was about one and a half years old. The first one did not start, but if something was taken from her, she would bite. I had two life hacks.

Firstly, if she bit someone badly, then together with her I would give this kid a toy and ask for forgiveness. She bought it specially (we were in a rest home, and the children were all together) and went to give it to her, explaining that you bit Masha, and now I’m going to apologize and give her a toy as a consolation. It was a shame; my daughter really wanted such a toy.

And second: I bought her rubber toy, said that this is a biting dog, and if she wants to bite, she can bite this toy as much as she wants. I weaned it off in about a month.

Comments Irina Chesnova, family psychologist, author of books for children and parents:

How to stop a child from biting? Let's start with the reasons that are directly related to the baby's age.

Infants (starting from 5-6 months) bite adults’ cheeks or hands, most often because of unpleasant sensations in the mouth - their gums swell and itch, and teeth are cut. Everything is simple here: teethers and gels with an anesthetic effect save the day (check with your pediatrician!).

Also, the baby may begin to bite while breastfeeding. Such behavior is nothing more than the very beginning of the separation of the child’s “I” from the mother’s “I”. Your reaction: you can’t stand the pain, take your breasts for a few seconds and, looking into the baby’s eyes, say: “You can’t do that, it hurts mom!” Repeat each time your baby bites down on the breast again. This will be for him one of the first lessons of clear cause-and-effect relationships (bitten - mom took the breast) and caring attitude towards himself and other people.

After a year, a new period of child development begins, when it is possible to understand this world only by touching it and studying it with all the senses. Hence this passion to climb everywhere, reach everything, bite, slobber, knock, leave your mark on the wallpaper (I am! I exist!). Starting at this age, babies usually bite when they are overwhelmed with feelings - anger, resentment, protest, disappointment, powerlessness. They need to convey their enormous indignation to the “offender” as quickly as possible, but how can you do this when you have a meager vocabulary and almost no communication skills? Therefore, pushing, hitting, pulling hair and biting is a common thing for them, this is how they express emotions.

What to do?

1. First of all, understand in what cases the baby begins to bite; this will help to anticipate situations when teeth are used, and, if possible, prevent them - it is trivial to physically stop the child by placing your palm on his mouth.

2. If, nevertheless, the baby turned out to be faster and bit: do not scream, do not scold, do not shame, and especially do not bite back - this way you will show that such behavior is acceptable. And your task is to teach the child desirable forms of behavior.

3. Get down to the same level as the baby and, looking him straight in the eyes, say: “You can’t bite, it’s very painful, and you can’t hurt anyone.” Don’t expect that they will hear you the first time (they won’t!), be prepared to say the same thing 10, 100, and 1000 times. Your reaction should be firm and unchanging: you will not let your baby do what he shouldn’t do and cause pain - neither to other people nor to himself. Until the child stops biting, your task as a close, loving adult is to always be ready to physically stop him, to prevent him from biting (still putting your palm to his mouth and talking about the inadmissibility of biting).

4. It is very important to gradually teach the child to separate emotional and behavioral reactions. Look: if a child’s toy was taken away from him in the sandbox, he has the right to be indignant, he has the right to be dissatisfied, but to hit the “offender” on the forehead with a shovel or bite him - he does not have such a right. It will be very correct if you allow your chick to feel what is in his soul, and at the same time explain what is happening to him (“you are angry”, “you are sad/hurt/scared”), voice his condition (“of course , it’s a shame when a toy is taken away”) and learn to express your feelings in words, while finding a constructive way out of the current situation (“let’s ask for it back”). Once named, feelings and experiences become understandable, manageable, and less frightening. The child begins to better understand himself and those around him. And through his mother’s assistance and tips (“let’s ask her back”), his social skills are honed and his behavioral repertoire expands, which is also only beneficial.

5. For the same thing - voicing feelings and expanding the behavioral repertoire - it is useful to play story games (this is done outside of a conflict situation, already at home, when everyone is calm and in good mood). Take glove dolls or any other toys and act out scenes from the life of a child: play for someone who didn’t get something or who was offended. It is also interesting to give the child the “role” of the victim of a fighter or biter. This way he will be able to better feel the inner world of the one who is being attacked, which will be another step in his development of one of the most important human qualities - empathy.

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Children under three years of age quite often show incontinence and so-called affective reactions: they bite, hit, pinch, scratch, push their peers. It is worth saying that aggressive behavior at 1, 2 or 3 years is an extreme variant of the norm mental development little man.

Faced with the problem of a non-standard outlet for children's aggression, mothers tend to panic and unreasonably look for signs of ill health in the child's character. Naturally, you need to quickly figure out why the child bites and take action. But it is premature to immediately label it a pathology.

In most cases, it is enough to pay a little attention to the problem and carefully adjust the child’s behavior through dialogue, play or exercises - depending on age. To help frightened mothers and fathers, reliable instructions have been developed on how to stop a child from biting at a particular age stage.

From this article you will learn

Behavior on the border of the norm

Psychologists never tire of repeating: “Every baby is unique.” The individual path of development also depends on the style family education, and on the individual characteristics of physiology and psyche. Even the most attentive and caring parents can be puzzled by the way their child expresses emotions. But it is the emotional-volitional qualities that most actively influence behavior in early and preschool age.

There is an important pattern: the older the baby gets, the more conscious and “psychological” the biting, pinching and desire to fight become. For example, a one-year-old baby will not deliberately cause pain, but a two-year-old tomboy has quite likely learned that this effective method To achieve what you want is to bite or pinch another.

Please note the table below. Here is the most collected important information about how and why children show aggression in different ages. And how parents and teachers can deal with it. ( Attention! The table can be scrolled left and right).

By the way! Intentional throwing of things can also be a manifestation of unformed emotional-volitional processes. Don't let this behavior turn into manipulation.

Weaning methods

The table above shows effective and ineffective strategies for adults in dealing with children who bite. We will analyze useful correction techniques in more detail.

Purchasing teethers

Stop at classic form and material – silicone ring with massage elements. A chewing toy does not have the right to impose any stereotypes, for example, imitate food, images of living creatures or the sounds they make.

Already at this age, a child must strictly distinguish between what can be chewed and what objects are prohibited. Pain relieving gels are naturally hypoallergenic and doctor approved.

Ay! Hurt!

Timely activation of altruism (one and a half years – optimal age) will positively affect the future character of the little person. It is important that the word “hurt” is not accompanied by an imitation of fear or disappointment.

It is better to put indignation and surprise into intonation. The subsequent temporary suspension of the game is necessary not for punishment, they say, “You are bad, I don’t want to play with you,” but to reduce mental arousal, which led to the loss of control. In other words, the child bit not because he wanted to do it, but simply failed to contain the emotional outburst.

“Have pity! Look, he's crying"

Forming compassion and empathy in children is another important pedagogical task for moms and dads. The ability to assess the emotional state of an interlocutor or play partner is a defining skill in communication at the next age stage - pre-preschool, when the child will be forced to take into account the opinion of the group, social rules and family traditions.

It is best to appeal to children's sympathy and repentance for the offense caused through theatricalization:

• The soft toy may cry. It's best to temporarily switch to glove puppets. They are easier to animate, they are better perceived by children as alive. For a resourceful parent, it will not be difficult to imitate the sounds of crying, sobbing, and even real wet tears!
• If the aggression is directed at an adult, it is even easier to show emotions of resentment and sadness. Even the most brutal dad can turn away, rub his eyes, whine and complain about the pain. In the upcoming games, reinforce the material using cards with emotion masks. It would be appropriate to use the construction “Show me how he smiles/is sad...”

Useful fairy tales

Since ancient times, fairy tales have helped the older generation explain to children the complex laws of the world around them in a simple and accessible form. Not only folk wisdom is transmitted through a fairy tale, but also family traditions. Therefore, when choosing fairy tales to read, think in advance whether their content corresponds to your ideas about raising the younger generation. What do you want to teach children?

Apart from folk tales, there are so-called therapeutic ones. You need to read them, like ordinary ones, in the middle of the day or at night. The only difference is that after such a fairy tale, the adult and the children must have a conversation according to the scheme recommended by the author of the fairy tale.

You need to select fairy tales according to the general idea: to normalize communication. For example, read the famous stories about Cinderella and Snow White, pointing out that both girls are kind, affectionate, and attentive. Standard girl. The child will understand that goals can be achieved not by physical strength, but by patient waiting, polite requests and beauty. In the end, both girls became princesses.

For boys, you can choose the brave little tailor or the Nutcracker as a reference hero. A prerequisite for reading any fairy tale is dialogue with the child as the plot develops.

Literature:

Z. Brocket, G. Schreiber. " The healing power of fairy tales»;

N. Radina. " Stories and fairy tales in psychological practice»;

A. Kapskaya, T. Mironchik. " Fairy gifts. Developmental fairy tale therapy for children»;

O. Khukhlaeva. " Therapeutic tales V correctional work with kids».

For a biting child, the easiest way to come up with a story is about a biting cat.

The gist of the story:

The cat was very beautiful, sweet and charming until someone reached out to her to pet her. It turns out that the poor girl was offended by evil boys, and now she is quarreling even with them; who wants to be truly friends with her.

Questions for the child:

Do you think the biting kitty will make friends?

And why?

What does kitty need to do to find friendship?

Role-playing games

Play is the favorite and most understandable way for children to develop skills. And in the context of the topic, we are talking about communication and social skills. Invite the biting girl to play mother-daughter. She won’t bite her “baby” for misbehavior or crying in the stroller?

Entrust the young biter with training an improvised army of fighters from soft toys or the neighborhood boys. Let him pick the right words and actions, and biting will gradually become an ineffective means of achieving goals.

Revisiting parenting style

Children largely imitate their parents in expressing negative emotions. The child's psyche unpredictably refracts parental experience. And where the mother yells at the father in conflicts, the child may well begin to bite. Try to prevent your children from witnessing family quarrels. And be sure to exclude destructive ones from the list of educational measures:

• directive instructions in a rude tone;
• transition to shouting;
• threats “to be sent to an orphanage”, “taken to the field”, etc.;
• assault: from slaps on the head to beatings.

Not a single pedagogical specialist recommends beating children seriously and constantly. Physical punishment does not generate authority, but fear - a bad advisor. But some people, for example the famous doctor Komarovsky, allow small spanks on a soft spot - as a way to switch the baby’s attention.

It is important for dad and mom to discuss the parenting style with their grandparents so that children do not find themselves between the despotism of their fathers and the connivance of their grandfathers. It is desirable that all family members use the same rules and make equal demands on the child.

A bad example is contagious

Sometimes parents express their love for each other through affectionate biting or scratching. In relationships between adults, such tenderness is acceptable, but a child takes it too literally and therefore reproduces it incorrectly.

If the child is over 3 years old, explain that to express love there is no need to hurt, but rather, for now, deprive the child of the opportunity to observe the “bestial” relationship of the parents.

Vector of aggression

A high level of anxiety, the causes of which must be determined by a specialist, pushes children to rash actions and emotions. Energy imbalance occurs due to mental imperfections. To redirect aggression into a positive direction, enroll the bully in a swimming, martial arts or creative studio.

Redirecting children's energy - good advice for those mothers who notice any signs of anxiety in a 3-4 year old baby: restless sleep, uncontrolled physical activity, decreased concentration, laziness, apathy, fluctuations in appetite, frequent tantrums or causeless tears.

What parents shouldn't do

During the period of weaning children from bad habits, parents have time to try a lot of techniques, including prohibited ones.

The secret to raising any child is very simple - you need to act consistently and methodically, without jumping from one system to another. Choose one line of behavior and follow it. The result does not always appear immediately.

There are children who need several repetitions of one situation in order to master a certain experience. Be patient and persistent, but avoid doing what you shouldn't do.

• Baby's punishment. A reasonable parent understands that not a single action of a newborn is committed “on purpose,” “out of spite,” or “out of revenge.” The baby simply lives in accordance with natural laws, and his body reacts as written in the genetic program. Painful pinches or bites are an accident and the result of an imperfect nervous system.
• Abrupt termination of the game. At one, one and a half, and even two years old, this method works against the parents themselves. The social reason for the “offense” of adults is not yet sufficiently clear to the child. The mother’s sudden withdrawal from play and communication creates additional tension. In psychology, there are two interrelated concepts - deprivation (limitation) and frustration (acute experience of this limitation). It is useful for young mothers to know about them.
• Ignore policy. There is no punishment in the world of animals and humans worse than being ignored! Showing indifference to the needs of an already grown baby really works. But at 2-3 years old it is better not to experiment with this technique. The solution is kindergarten and participation in any stable children's group.
• Empty "no". Prohibiting words “Stop!”, “No!”, “You can’t!” familiar to children with early childhood. Usually these words are directly related to security. If you want to bite, the violation of safety is relative and may not be entirely clear to the child. It’s better to use a construction something like this: “Don’t bite (...name), he might hit you back.” Then the warning takes on the necessary meaning. But be prepared for the fact that the child will check whether the rule works and will receive a blow back.
• Deprivation of entertainment. “I’ll take away your toy/tablet/new dress if you bite again!” How are incorrect emotional reactions of a baby related to his social needs? That's right, indirectly! But even you, an adult, are unlikely to be able to draw a logical chain. And the girl doesn’t even understand why the dress is to blame. The situation is even worse with those children who are bad behavior deprived of vital necessities: food, drink, sleep, movement, protection and information.
• Physical punishment. It's not just about beating with a belt and heavy slaps on the back of the head. Families practice techniques such as sealing the mouth with tape, washing with soapy water or a bitter infusion. Even slaps on the lips can be challenged and classified as cruelty.

The secret of correct punishment is both simple and very complex: It is not man who punishes man. Mom and dad should always remain the guarantor of reliable rear support for the baby. Therefore, punishment is the result of breaking the rules, and it is directed not at the child, but at his behavior. It sounds really complicated, but there is nothing impossible in implementing this principle.

Important! After punishing your child, be sure to explain to him. Make it clear that you still love your cub and are very upset by his behavior and putting his own health or life at risk. remember, that Children need to be hugged several times a day, even if you are in a quarrel. Confidence in protection is a basic human need.

Mirror response. If you are not sure of the effectiveness of the technique, it is better not to respond to children in the tit-for-tat style. Here it is easy to violate the principle of punishment outlined in the previous paragraph. The parent should not demonstrate inappropriate behavior. It is better to correctly ignore the bite - an element of behavior, and not the entire child’s personality!

Watch the video where child psychologist Marina Romanenko shares in great detail practical advice to rid the child of this bad habit.

Biting in kindergarten: what parents should do

In a kindergarten, the usual crying and whims at home stop working, and boys and girls, spoiled by personal attention, begin to bite, scratch and throw toys.

Children may also be unaccustomed to noise, violation of personal boundaries, and demands from caregivers. The response emotion is the same – anger, but its expression is replaced by actions that are more effective from the baby’s point of view. And now the child does not cry, but begins to fight.

Yours bites itself

If your child can pinch or bite a friend severely and you know about it, warn the teachers in advance. Be sure to prevent conflict by explaining that you are already working on the problem, but need pedagogical supervision during the day when you are not around.

If the incident happened for the first time and became an unpleasant surprise for you, do not rush to scold the conflicter. Talk to him and find out why the child bites a friend, what object or event became the reason for the showdown, whether it was an attack or protection from a stranger’s invasion of personal space. Otherwise, choose your exposure according to the table above.

Yours is bitten by others

Controlling yourself is difficult, but necessary. Try to respond thoughtfully and without haste. Talk to your child first. Clarify the situation as in the previous case. Ask your child not to create provocations for a while. And don’t turn your child against a friend!

If possible, do not enter into conflict with the parents of the offender - act through the teachers. They are more diplomatic in resolving such issues. Consultation with a social teacher or a full-time kindergarten psychologist for two families may also be useful.

Important! Don't make the common parenting mistake of secretly trying to intimidate the bully. This will only intensify the confrontation with his parents, and may even harm the child himself.

If he pinches and fights

Biting, scratching, fighting, destruction - all these are links in one chain. Children do not know any other way to cope with stress other than to express their emotions outwardly. Other mechanisms simply have not yet formed.

Multiple and systematic signs of aggression in children are not the most positive symptom. It may be time for your family to see a specialist. There are quite common cases when the behavior of healthy children is diagnostic for a family psychologist.

• Prevent aggression. Aggressive behavior is a sign of imbalance in the family atmosphere. Perhaps there was a recent move, a stressful situation or the death of a relative, the birth of a younger child, or even the acquisition of a pet. To prevent future problems, discuss your concerns with a counselor. Learn to control your children's temper tantrums.
• Switch your attention. Before aggression breaks out, switch the child's attention to another toy. A new activity or interesting event from the outside world. The anger will subside on its own, and the nervous system will gain experience in controlling its own arousal. This recommendation is especially important for those parents who are faced with the choleric temperament of a little rebel.
• Hold the baby. When you don’t know what to do, instead of physical punishment or lecture, just hug your child tightly and chat with him with any questions. This is an element of holding therapy that is used by psychologists even with non-speaking children. Note: sometimes the holding technique provokes an increase in aggression. In this case, alas, you will have to wait it out and release the baby only when he stops resisting.
• Offer food. Another simple way to explain to a stupid child that his behavior is inappropriate is to offer something that can actually be bitten and chewed. For example, for one year old baby prone to biting, keep fruit in your pocket: “Do you want to bite me? No. I don't like. Better bite the apple!” This will eventually turn into a funny joke.
• Talk about feelings. Instead of biting or pinching your child in response, talk to him about the sensations. Note - not about feelings! Demonstrate what pain is. Be sure to warn that you are doing this for educational purposes: “Look, you pinched me. I might pinch you back. Here, feel it for yourself.” Your effects should be really unpleasant, but not make the baby cry!
• Empathize with the victim. This works well from 2-2.5 years. The offended person receives attention and protection; no one supports the offender. But do not overdo it with sympathy, so that your child does not imitate pain, wanting to get your attention. You must be sure that you give your child enough affection, then his excessive jealousy is another pedagogical problem.
• Support but don't approve. Children tend to make mistakes and break prohibitions. Even if you scold him for another bite, continue to be an affectionate parent. Remember that you disapprove of only one element of behavior, and not the entire personality of your child. Give the situation time, do not demand quick results.

Watch another video from useful tips for parents.

Cause for concern: when you need a doctor

If you cannot cope with irritability and aggressive behavior, it is better to step over your pride and visit the office of a neurologist and psychologist. No one is interested in labeling a child as deviant, but if everything is left as is, the harm will increase. Be sure to consult and get recommendations from a neurologist if:

• There is a speech delay that prevents the baby from achieving verbal understanding with others.
• Behavior combines different types aggressive manifestations: verbal, facial, physical.
• The child is already over 4 years old and continues to ignore the ban on biting.
• The fighter experiences obvious psycho-emotional excitement or even pleasure by causing pain to others.
• Bouts of rage are not associated with obvious conflicts for any resources.
• Shows aggression towards pets.
• He sleeps and eats poorly, does not absorb educational information, and refuses to play with adults and peers.

The picture was bleak. Do not rush to attribute any pathologies to your baby. Wanting to bite and being bitten in the process of forming behavior are completely different psychological structures.

Deviant behavior, the signs of which are not noticed until 4-5 years of age, is a huge rarity thanks to the attentiveness of family members and annual observation by a neurologist and psychologist in clinics. Most likely, your baby is simply molded according to his own individual scenario. And your task is to support and guide.

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As grandfather Freud assured us, we all want to simultaneously eat and destroy what we love. But adults are reasonable and wise enough to understand the impossibility of realizing this contradictory urge and reconcile.

Children are just beginning to be intelligent and wise. It is difficult for them to cope with desire due to the immaturity of the central nervous system: excitation from the center of emotions easily covers most of the brain and activates motor activity. Therefore, both joyful and sad Toddlers squeeze, slam, run, spin, and for them this is not a manifestation of aggression.

Therefore, I have no other advice for your baby other than: “You can’t chew mommy, because I’m against it” and a prepared environment.

Anyone who has a lot of space for self-realization is quite accommodating. “We don’t pour water here, only here” - “Ok.” “In this area we paint with paint, pencils, plasticine, but in other places we don’t draw” - “Okay.” “Here are my spoons, forks, knives, pots, plates, glasses, jugs, and these are your utensils, and you can’t touch them.” - “Okay, don’t take my fork without asking.”

At one and three years old, it is usually interesting to know how to do and how not to; knowledge on this topic easily becomes a source of pride. The main thing is that the space for free action is attractive. If for one tiny “Well, play” there are two hectares of “Vova, stop it,” you shouldn’t expect loyalty from the baby.

What to do if a child bites his mother

• Interact actively. It is believed that it is easier for dads to toss, spin, play around and tinker with their children, and therefore they play this way more often. But almost always the father is a working parent. So the reason is not only that it is convenient for him to play this way, but also that it is more convenient for children to throw out the energy that has accumulated while missing a significant adult who has not been there all day. You can not only bother, but also use some trick to shift attention, reducing the comfort of biting: tickle, circle, roll in a thick blanket, kiss the heels.
• Look for the right intonation. Sometimes the Toddler misinterprets "sternly said" as a scary or aggressive message. In what voice will he hear firmness, grief, concern? Your task is not to condemn, but to make it clear that this cannot be done. At the same time, it is unfair to reject a child who has lasted so long without you and is now eager to make up for lost time.
• Dodge, but don't stop hugging. You are faced with a difficult acrobatic task: to deviate from unwanted behavior, condemning bites firmly, calmly and correctly, but continue to hug, not break contact.
• Offer an alternative. At the same time, try new things: so that there are more constructive options for applying your enthusiasm. Various games with water take away unnecessary stress. A context in which the baby can be alone with his mother is life-giving. Let it be for a short time, but a small piece of your attention belongs to him completely undividedly. Sometimes children need less to be happy than we think. Jumping around and over a tired adult who is lying down on a sofa or carpet is a favorite pastime that all ages can enjoy. Before my eyes, schoolchildren at a children’s camp invented and enthusiastically indulged in the fun of “playing a hare”: the counselor declares himself to be a hare, runs away from the kids, then the crowd catches up with him, knocks him down and everyone hugs.
• Come up with a meeting ritual. Look for forms of affection that are pleasant to both of you to create a meeting ritual. Pat your baby on the back and invite him to help you undress and put your things back in place. It’s impossible to list everything, look for something special just for your family.

If a child bites his mother not only when meeting him, then this can be at least partially predictable. The task, again, is to hug in time, without giving the opportunity to gnaw, if you suspect that the baby is close to this. And repeat every time: “You can’t bite mom, because I’m against it.”

And hug the biting ones more often, the grown-up and independent ones, even introverts - carefully and in a form acceptable to them. Even those who are ticklish. In general, everyone always, but taking into account their needs and your capabilities.

From baby aged 1-2 years one can hardly expect anger or deceit. All the more strange to parents are situations when the child suddenly starts biting. There are still few teeth, but it hurts. A cheat sheet will tell you what this behavior means and what parents should do.

Age: 1 year, up to one year

Why does a child bite? Possible reason: teething, while the gums itch and itch, causing an irresistible desire to chew on everything.

What to do? After consulting with a pediatrician, use special gels that facilitate teething and dull pain (Kalgel, Kamistad). Offer the baby to chew on a cracker or a piece of apple. There are many teethers on the market for growing teeth. If you don’t react in any way to your baby’s biting during this period, the habit of biting may remain. And then, at the first need to show emotions or achieve something, the child (quite possibly) will use this technique. React calmly but assertively.

Reason: The child is hungry and, due to the fact that he does not yet know how to express his desires in words, impatiently bites his mother’s chest or hand.

What to do? Carefully monitor your daily routine and feeding schedule. Offer your child food before he begins to demand it by biting.

Age: from 1 year to 2 years, 1.5 years

Why does a child bite? Possible reason: Exploratory instinct emerges. The baby wants to taste everything, so he puts everything in his mouth. Mom’s hand is an equally desirable object for research: I wonder what will happen if you bite your mother?

What to do? Satisfy your baby's exploratory instinct. Make it clear that the consequence of these actions is his mother’s dissatisfaction. What happens if you bite your mother? She will get angry and upset - that means you can’t do that.

Reason: Trying to get attention. The baby may lack parental attention. Biting is a way to express dissatisfaction and attract attention. This also includes pulling mom’s clothes, whining, and whims. A bite is, as a rule, an extreme measure, indicating childhood despair and powerlessness. A child of 2 years old may bite because other methods of attracting attention no longer work.

What to do? If possible, avoid such situations, try to allocate time for cooperative games, involve the baby in everyday household chores: cook together, tidy up, water flowers. A special feature of children aged 1–2 years is the urgent need for parental care, care and love.

Reason: Inability to express your emotions (anger, resentment, excitement and even tenderness, yes).

What to do? At 2–3 years old, a child is already able to understand an adult’s explanations and learn. Therefore, patiently explain to your child that emotions such as anger and resentment are normal. Everyone experiences them, mom, dad, and grandma. Show that there are other options Suggest in game form get rid of negative emotions together - beat a pillow, for example

Psychological problems

At an older age - from 3 years or more - children bite consciously. There are reasons for this and most often they are related to relationships in the family or kindergarten. Therefore, if a child bites at the age of 3 or 5 years, this is already a psychological problem, which is better solved by consulting a psychologist.

Possible reasons:

• Unfavorable atmosphere in the family, problems in relationships between family members,
• Resentment, hidden anger at an adult, lack of love from parents (especially when growing up) younger brother or sister)
• An abundance of prohibitions, biting as a protest,
• The child does not know how to express feelings and emotions in other ways, not only fear, excitement or resentment, but also love, tenderness,
• A bad example for other children in the kindergarten,
• Excessive activity of the child.

There are also physiological problems: allergies, toothache.

What to do? First of all, treat the child kindly, no matter what. Your aggression and excessive attention to the problem will only make matters worse. In these situations, it is important to find the key to a child’s heart. Psychologists will help parents with this. The most important thing is to remain calm and show your child how much you love him. It’s not for nothing that popular wisdom says: Where there is harmony in the family, the children are raised well.