How does sympathy for a man arise?

The first thing that any woman pays attention to is her appearance. In a few seconds we scan a man who has fallen into the field of vision, noting to ourselves how he is dressed, shod, how he smells, shaved and combed. If everything suits us from an aesthetic point of view, we put a tick in our mind in front of the phrase “seems to fit”. And we begin to perceive the man "by ear", that is, we evaluate what and how he says. And to observe - to evaluate how a man behaves in society. And here at this stageit is very important not to rush and listen carefully and watch!

The key to the success of future happiness is alreadyin the early stages of the relationship, determine whether the prospective partner is capable of experiencing higher moral feelings - conscience, empathy, compassion, and honesty.

Sometimes this is not easy!

Example:

Lera met Victor at a birthday party with friends. The common feast, slow dances to romantic music, a walk under the night moon brought them together at once. A week after they met, Lera called Victor her man. He smiled back indulgently.

In principle, Lera was pleased with her boyfriend. True, Victor could not keep his promises, be late for a date, or not come at all. But Lera attributed this to character traits that are unlikely to seriously darken their relationship. Nor did she worry that Victor could yell at the woman on the bus who had hit him with his elbow. And even when it turned out that Victor could not return the debt to the husband of the very friend whom they met, Lera did not sound the alarm. “He loves me,” she proudly shrugged her shoulders. - "And the rest does not bother me."

When Victor, after six months of courtship suddenly stopped communicating, Lera sobbed offended and bewildered: “What a scoundrel he is! If I knew..".

But I knew! I just didn't want to notice!

From the first days Lena convincingly lied to herself that everything was perfect. That here she is - her destiny. Lena was so anxious to close the “question of finding the second half” as soon as possible that she turned a blind eye to Viktor's dishonesty in all its manifestations, by all means justifying the situation, and not even comparing the merits and demerits of the chosen one (since he did not particularly demonstrate his merits, and justify him directly there was nothing corny), but independently attributed to him,imaginary attitude towards her. Lena, being a noble and decent person, did not want to believe that not everyone in the world is so noble. She didn't want to admit to herself that Victor was a decent bastard. The invented fairy tale seemed very beautiful.

This behavior is very typical for a modern highly moral woman who has not lost faith in people. Guided by the stereotype that has stuck in your head “you need to get married, because if you are too much for men, then you’re some kind of wrong” and even fueled by emotions and physiological processes characteristic of the initial period of a relationship, women at the very beginning of the journey either consciously or unconsciously close their eyes to manifestations of dishonesty on the part of a man. Or they simply have no practical knowledge of how to determine the true essence of the man, whose courtship they accept.

To the question asked in the forehead: "Is he a decent person?" - we will hear either a confident "yes", or a vague "in relation to me - yes." While a reasonable, calm and wise answer “I hope so, but I cannot say, since we have known each other for a very short time,” we will hardly be lucky to hear. And of course, we are unlikely to hear "no", since either a mentally incoherent person or a woman who is guided by a cold cynical calculation can consciously go into a relationship with a villain.

Psychologists, but what are psychologists, ordinary common sense tells us to connect our lives withnoble and decent people. Long term no dishonest man can make any woman happy for a long time... That is, by definition. When we say “dishonest,” we do not mean a man with corrective deficiencies such as slovenliness or laziness in everyday life. We mean a man devoid of the highest moral qualities, such as conscience, sympathy, compassion and honesty, that is, a man showing signs of psychopathies . And if you are able to correctly analyze the behavior of a man, know the principles of psychology, that is, know what to look at and how to interpret what you see, you can easily guess who is next to you, what is the system of his values \u200b\u200band whether it exists at all.

The principle of fourfold repetition

Imagine you have an internal counter, and n before judging character human , mentally add one, noticing actions whichth repeatare more than four times . Analyze the behavior of the person you are watching, and track the number of repetitions of patterns of behavior that your potential partner chooses for himself in more or less similar situations.

So, a very indicative sign for nature is the desire or unwillingness to take revenge on the offender. If you notice that revenge has manifested itself four times or more, keep in mind. Most likely in front of youpsychopath - a person in whom the feeling of anger and cruelty prevails (since revenge is always associated with the manifestation of cruelty and even with the manifestation of violence). A person whose personality is governed by love, tolerance, and generosity will focus on forgiveness. Yes, he can merge with the offender, he can even resort to revenge (and, often, later regret it), but these will be one-time, not repetitive situations. ANDif a person took revenge four times,he will take revenge at any opportunity and enjoy it. It is quite possible that one day you or your child will anger him with something. Are you willing to deliberately become the target of the violent person's revenge? I don’t think so.

The essence of the human soul is manifested most truthfully in crisis situations. No wonder there is a saying that a friend is known in trouble! It is extremely indicative that tohow a person behaves when he has to make a difficult life choice. Does he take a position of unhealthy selfishness and act exclusively in his own interests, and chooses a path that contradictsthe interests of everyone else. Or, in his actions, the idea of \u200b\u200bcaring not only about himself, but also about the environment is embedded. Ba camp person and in a crisis situation will sacrifice personal gain for the welfare of loved ones.

The behavior of some men against the background of floods in Kh. Crimean (Krasnodar Territory). When some men fled, leaving everyone and everything, including their own families. Others, on the contrary, returned again and again to the filled apartment buildings, collecting and transporting people. Even strangers. Even those with whom we had a quarrel yesterday.

Relationships within society. Pay attention to actions, they are always much more important than words.

Noble,decent personu is important and appreciates not only their own comfort and peace, but equally protects and values \u200b\u200bthe attitudes of the society in which they live. Pay attention to the facthow your chosen one treats strangers. Does he respectfully communicate with service personnel in a cafe, store or queue. INoutbursts of aggression or rudeness - unambiguous reason alert. Because a man who can be rude to a stranger will then be rude to the one next to him.

Small domestic troubles that do not concern a person personally reveal nature very well. For example, banal assistance to a driver stuck on the road. You can drive by, or you can go out and help. As a rule, such situations do not take up a lot of time, and yes, you can drive by once, because there is no time, you can take a second one, but when your chosen one regularly ignores such victims, and even allows himself derogatory statements from the series “It’s his own fault ”, Keep in mind that one day he may start treating you in the same way. Because such disrespect for others is characteristic for him in general, and not for would-be drivers in particular. And this must be understood very soberly. Such people show respect only where they seek personal gain. They are not capable of disinterested manifestation of positive feelings, if at all they are able to feel (as in the case of psychopaths). Such a person will show or pretend to show love, affection and a desire to help only as long as it is beneficial for him, as long as you give him something that he needs, such as sex or money or a roof over his head. As soon as their need decreases, the incentive to show their best side in such people evaporates. Having connected your life with a person who is guided by the calculation, you run the risk of one day realizing that you are corny used.

Consistency and loyalty. Will your love boat crash into everyday life?

The potential propensity for adultery, social and spiritual impermanence can also be determined by indirect signs. Not always, but very often an excessive need forvariety (in varied food, frequent trips to new places, new entertainment and thrills) indicates that the state of calm measured life of such aman will be hard to endure. The higher your companion's need for new emotions, adventure, and thrill, the more likely it is to be sexy and social, such as companionable,true spine is unusual for him. He's bored. He will demand continuation of the banquet all the time. Yes, for some it can go away with age. Others will be able to control the constant desire to "change the picture", manage it and even include in the process of finding new experiences for their partner, for example, traveling with you. But the fact remains that consistency for such people is a difficult choice.

To understand whether you have met the right person, you must try to objectively assess the degree of his readiness for the routine events of life. Ask if he was diligent in school. Find out if he has hobi and how often he changed them. Ask your potential partner if he loves parties. Is he fond of extreme sports. Carefully ask, if convenient, how long his relationship with your predecessors lasted. This is very valuable information, on the basis of which it is easy to judge whether a person is so constant.

Aggression

The level of irascibility and, as a consequence, aggression can also be recognized by observing a person from the side. Very informative processes in which a large number of participants are involved, focused on themselves and their line of behavior, that is, non-team social processes. For example, you will learn a lot about your companion by watching him as a participant in public traffic. See how he drives the car. If he gets nervous, swears, jerks from row to row, tries to become the first at a traffic light, "cuts" adjacent cars, you can say with a 99% probability that he will behave in the same way in family life. Before you is a hot-tempered, hot, aggressive person for whom the environment is second-class people. The attitude towards them will be appropriate.

Criticism and perfectionism. Excessive demands on yourself and others

In hell for perfectionists, there is no fire, not a damn thing. There are only slightly asymmetrical cauldrons there.

Try to pay attention to how muchcriticalperson in relation toto myself andto others. It is quite possible that the desire to bring everything to perfection is just a mask behind which excessive perfectionism is hidden. And constant criticism of everything around is an indicatorlow self-esteem and self-doubt.

After all, who is a perfectionist? In fact, it isa child disliked in childhood, who had to pursue parental love with perfect homework, clean floors and immaculately carved crafts. Growing up, perfectionists, who, alas, have not found another way of recognition, continue to strive for perfection and demand perfection from the person who is nearby. Sometimes the perfectionist's pursuit of the ideal turns relationships into torture. Because they can exert enormous psychological pressure on a partner, justifying their actions with seemingly noble statements from the series “I just want it to be beautiful / correct / perfect”. Perfectionists and critics constantly try to "improve" their family members, gradually instilling in them the idea that they were "not good enough" before. And although it is possible to fight the manifestations of hyperperfectionism, it is very difficult.

Decency

The attitude of a decent person to the people around him is based onthe principle of mutual exchange - "you can not only take or only give." Nature, whose life rules lie in this plane, will always repay debts, will not be afraid to borrow money if close people need it. He will not only accept help, but also show an independent desire to help, that is, the balance of egoism and altruism in a decent person is almost perfect.

Moreover, about how decent a person your companion is can be judged by his fidelity to the word. Decent people either keep their promises or don't give them at all. This also includes selfish lies. If you've witnessed a lie that your relationship partner admonishes someone around him, be on the lookout! He will most likely lie within his own family.

Vulnerability

Power vulnerabilitya partner is determined by how a person reacts to barbs addressed to him - indifferently or shrinking painfully.

It is clear that you should not give yourself offense and that you should protect the one who is nearby if he is not able to defend himself. For example, a man who stands up for a woman gets approval and support. However, there are situations when no one planned to attack, but the person himself came up with it and was offended. Excessive vulnerability of one of the partners sometimes translates into a state of constant tension in the couple, as there is always a fear in the air of saying something "wrong" to such a sissy and getting another scandal with elements of hysteria. And sometimes even an innocent joke can serve as a signal to resentment. The level of vulnerability manifests itself very well when a person is in the center of attention. Allow yourself a bold joke about your partner, and by how adequate his reaction will be, you can judge his vulnerability.

Vulnerability, in turn, is closely related to a person's self-esteem. In order to evaluate the chosen one according to this criterion, it is necessary to monitor his reaction to praise. FROMseems to be grateful and smile - a sign of healthy self-esteem, will begin to make excuses and assure that there is nothing to praise him for, or smugly lead his eyebrow, taking kind words for granted - signs of low self-esteem. Needless to say, it is easier to communicate and negotiate with people with normal self-esteem in life together? Because people with low self-esteem tend to be resentful, irascible and perfectionist. And in a relationship, they most often need a nanny, whose meaning of life is to pity and help an innocent victim of life's circumstances. And people with high self-esteem need not a wife, but a fan. People with abnormal levels of self-esteem resist building partnerships, preventing their partner from getting on the same level with them. They need to stand either slightly lower or slightly higher. In both cases, the one who is told which step to take is the one who suffers more. In healthy relationships, people are on the same level and do not try to consciously or even unconsciously manipulate each other.

Having defined person's character, then it is useful to find out what the prospective partner has life goals, interests, what he wants to get from the relationship. Therefore, when communicating, it is important be silent moreask more questions, listen and watch! It is especially important to pay attention to the contradictions in your views on life and in the system of yours and his values, because conflicts in this area will sooner or later appear. And do not rush to justify the gentleman you like, closing your eyes to the emerging flaws. Remember, everything that your chosen one does in relation to the environment, he will later broadcast within your union, in relation to you and your children!

And at the same time, do not forget about objectivity! If a person has shown certain signs of deviation from the norm, for example, a hot temper manifested itself, this does not mean that the relationship should be given up! There are no ideal people, but they all have drawbacks. It's just that in some cases they are insignificant and amenable to correction, while in others they are incorrigible and unequivocally destructive. For example, the same irascibility in itself is just a character trait, and not a reason to run away from a man. A person can have a hot temperament, be impulsive, but at the same time he will never allow himself to be aggressive towards a woman. It's one thing to berate a politician hotly on TV, and another to raise your voice at family members.

How to find this line between a slight bias towards abnormality and a complete lack of chances for healthy partnerships, read in the following chapters of the book "Illusions in a relationship".

You can tell a counterfeit from gold, it is easy to identify a counterfeit bill, but recognizing a person is much more difficult. But if you have clear criteria for what a real man should be, then, having got to know him better, you will definitely say who invited you on a date: a fake or a nugget.

Any woman dreams of seeing a real man next to her, a certain prince on a white horse or a knight in armor. But the fabulous image does not always coincide with reality, and you can run into anyone. But girls so want to meet the ideal candidate for life companions.

In this article we will tell you about what it means In other words, what qualities a representative of the strong half of humanity should have, according to women.

Masculinity

Perhaps the most important quality. After all, it is precisely this that reveals the essence of a man, combining courage, honor, nobility in him and the One who possesses this quality is very close to the image of his own ancestors.

Responsibility

According to women, a man should be responsible. Of course, in ancient times this was easier. He killed the beast, brought the prey and again run to hunt - this was the working day of our distant ancestor. It seems that everything is very simple, not like in the modern world, where a man has to bear much greater responsibility. It is necessary not only to protect and feed your family, but also to “turn on” your head in certain situations. And this is a rather difficult task.

Ability to keep your word

There are people who say one thing and do something completely different. And there are men who refuse words for the sake of self-interest. You can't do that. If he gave his word, he will keep it, even if it does not benefit him. These representatives of the stronger sex will always be appreciated and respected.

Courage

A man must be doubly courageous: for himself and for his companion. It is unacceptable to hide behind the backs of your mothers and wives.

Honesty

Not all representatives of the stronger sex have this quality. Most even lie to their wives. Of course, you can deceive others, but yourself - certainly not. The main thing is to be honest with yourself.

Decency

We can say that it is synonymous with honesty. It is a very rare quality among the male population. It is unlikely that somewhere you can find 100% After all, he must protect, feed and love his own family, not cheat on his wife, respect the elderly, not commit bad deeds, never cheat, etc. This image is too utopian. And if you meet such a man, then you can exhibit him in a museum as a valuable and rare antiques.

Kindness

This quality should be inherent in every representative of the stronger sex, especially if you have your own family. It is impossible to educate children without a good attitude. Of course, this does not stop some, but what will come of their offspring in the future?

The main sign of kindness is respect for old age and love for animals. In general, to find out the "true" face of a man, you need to find out how he relates to the "striped and mustachioed." Also pay attention to how he speaks of his own parents or grandparents.

Hard work

This is one of the qualities that reflect the essence of a man. It closely resonates with the responsibility we wrote about above. A man should not be lazy, because he is an earner of resources (money) for his family. In addition, there are many household chores that a woman is not able to handle. You have to be a man and help your chosen one, and not lie on the couch with a can of beer and watch TV.

Purposefulness

One of the most important qualities. Any man should know what he wants to achieve and These can be different spheres: hobbies, sports, career, work. If there is no goal, then the man just goes with the flow, and all his free time is devoured by surfing the Internet, TV, drinking, lying on the couch, etc.

Sense of humor

In general, it is very difficult to live without it, and it is also quite difficult to subdue a woman, manage a delicate situation, etc. In modern reality, a sense of humor is not just important, it is vital. As one satirist said: "If it were not so funny, it would be scary."

Mind

For many women, it is the mind that reflects the essence of a man. If it is not enough, then it is unlikely that a person will turn out to be a good head of the family. Raising children, solving household issues, making money - all this, in whole or in part, falls on men's shoulders. And in organizing and calculating all this, the mind plays a primary role.

Sexuality and attractiveness

Many believe that men should never be attractive with their appearance. This is a misconception. Of course they should! But we are not talking about but about real male sexuality and attractiveness, when a woman walking next to him feels both safe and pleasant.

Intuition

Although in men it is not so developed, nevertheless, each of them should have some kind of sixth sense, suggesting that a woman needs help. The main task of a representative of the stronger sex is to comfort, protect, help in difficult times, or just be around.

Mutual assistance

The famous actor said in his interview: "I do not divide housework into male and female. If necessary, I can sew on a button, and wash, and cook, and change a diaper for a child." This is how a man can be! And this is absolutely normal. Moreover, it should be so. If earlier women were engaged exclusively in household chores, now they work on an equal basis with men. Moreover, they can also be delayed at work. Therefore, a real man will not tell his wife who has returned after a hard day that he is too tired and will not do anything.

Mobility

In the high rhythm of modern life, a man simply has to be mobile and mobile. Sitting in one place, you cannot feed yourself or your own family. And only parasites and lazy people are sitting out.

Independence

Many women answer the question “what is the essence of a man”: “in independence”. That is, the ability to solve absolutely any problems without anyone's help.

Accuracy

This does not mean metrosexuals, who, apart from their appearance, do not care about anything. We are talking about basic rules of personal hygiene and minimal care for your appearance. Remember, people are always greeted by their clothes.

Own opinion

A man should have inviolable principles on any issue. Otherwise, he will either become henpecked, or he already is.

Devotion

At the moment, this quality is more typical for swan relationships than for human ones. Although, ideally, every man should be a devotee.

Love

To parents, darling, children, acquaintances, relatives and not only. Love for others and the whole world ... because without it it is difficult to live and be in harmony with oneself.

Conclusion

So, the essence of a man is expressed in the presence of the qualities listed above. Although they are not a panacea. After all, every woman has her own understanding of what a real man should be.

A decent person evokes only positive emotions. It is pleasant to communicate with him, it is pleasant to look at him, he is trusted.

You can determine whether your guy is a decent person by looking at his actions. Words darken the eyes, and a person seems worthy, but the veil falls and before you appears, who knows how to beautifully tell fairy tales.

So how to determine the decency of a guy at the beginning of a relationship? What qualities does he possess? This word is succinct and includes a lot of virtuous qualities and positive characteristics.

Let's figure out where is the line that separates a decent act from a dishonest one. What character traits, personal qualities a guy should have, so that his actions do not cause even a shadow of doubt about what kind of person he is.

Decency - what is it?

Despite the fact that psychologists, politicians and others have already interpreted decency, focusing on the field of a person's occupation, this concept is very subjective.

Everyone can characterize the decency of a person based on their own views, life experience, personal qualities.

The main characteristic of the concept is the honesty of a person, which is on a par with generally accepted social norms of behavior. In other words, such a person observes all the established moral, state and other laws of society. He does not allow himself to commit vicious, base deeds that run counter to accepted norms.

This is not an innate quality of a person, but an acquired one. Its development is influenced by the surrounding society, parents, teachers. Not the least role is played by television, read books, friends and acquaintances.

But even if life circumstances developed in such a way that the maturing person did not have an example of behavior in front of his eyes, he can himself, at will, become such a person. The work is not easy, because it is not enough to control actions, you need to learn, and most importantly, thoughts.

A decent guy - what is he?

Consider the traits inherent in such a guy. The list is far from complete, much depends on the nature, situations and other aspects of life.

1. Honesty. It makes sense that a dishonest guy cannot be decent. After all, honesty characterizes a person on the positive side. This trait is. Knowing that the guy is honest, they trust him without fear. Those who have this quality become a strong support in the family, creating happiness and comfort around them.

1. Nobility. This trait endows the guy with bright impulses and pure thoughts. At all times, great deeds have been accomplished by noble people. Noble guys are good natures who serve good intentions and intentions. Such guys are valiant and honest, they, without thinking about their own benefit and well-being, go to the rescue if they are sure that the goal meets moral standards.

1. Generosity. The guy is not greedy or self-serving. Generosity allows people, regardless of their financial situation, to lend a helping hand to disadvantaged, vulnerable and lonely people. And if someone needs a benefactor, he will become a fulcrum for him.

1. Justice. This character trait contributes to understanding any situation. The guy will not offend oppressed people, he will get to the bottom of the matter in order to understand the position of the person. It is difficult to judge whether this quality is positive or negative. It is often difficult for fair people to see the truth, they are often led by the nose. But, if the guy is sure of the rightness of the injured party, then he will do everything to help him.

1. Optimism. Yes, these guys are not hearsay, they live by conscience, believe in a bright and good future and know that evil will be punished. Thanks to optimism, such guys are free from the negative side of life, this trait helps them to be honest.

1. Modesty. Even if a guy has only positive qualities, is liked by everyone, without exception, he does not brag about it. This same character trait can become a kind of brake in achieving the goal, because it is not inherent in stubborn people who go over their heads in order to achieve the desired results.

1. Fidelity. The guy must have this trait. This means loyalty to the girl, and to the cause, to people, to everything that and whom he does. The guy does not even have a thought about whether to be faithful to him or not, this is a matter of course.

1. Caring. A person lives in society and is surrounded by people, such a guy takes care of loved ones. If he is not able to lend a helping hand, this is a guy, nothing more.

1. Cheerfulness. A person who loves people and life in all its manifestations cannot but be cheerful. And, to feel happiness, a guy does not need external manifestations at all, this is his essence. He is able to enjoy not only material benefits, the success of his beloved people, but also the perception of life, life. Being close to a cheerful guy, you will feel how love awakens in your soul for everything that surrounds you. Such people have many friends, they are always in the center of the company, but at the same time they do not boast about it.

1. Courage. The guy's positive qualities would not be complete without courage. How can a cowardly person be called worthy? A brave person is not able to betray in a difficult situation, saving his own skin. The brave is able to achieve the set goal without harming the people around him.

1. Punctuality. A guy like that doesn't come late for no reason. And even if urgent circumstances have arisen, he will solve them, or at least warn about his delay in advance. This character trait helps to achieve a lot in life, it guarantees a clear daily routine, thanks to which all matters are solved easily and naturally.

1. Politeness. The guy does not communicate like a "gopnik". He is polite and courteous. He does not allow himself to be rude, angry statements, it is not difficult for him to ask and talk to all people politely, regardless of the situation.

If your boyfriend has these qualities, if the words do not differ from the actions. If you see that there are always many people around him who love him, who trust him. You know, you have found a rare specimen - a decent guy.

The man with whom it is impossible to build normal, happy family, betrays itself in the first months of acquaintance, if you look closely. Having found in the chosen one clear signs of one of the following 9 types of men, do not hope that he will change, and trust his self-promotion and promises. Such a man is not just “not perfect” or has “flaws”, but is generally incapable of normal relationships. With him, only disappointment and pain awaits ... Do you need it?

What should be alarming in a man

1. Signs of a windy romantic or swindler

Before you met, but he already confesses his love and makes an offer? Romantic! But think for yourself: a person who understands what family and responsibility are, or that a relationship is a deep intimacy, will he propose to an almost unfamiliar girl under the influence of a sudden charm? Such frivolity is more characteristic of an immature, infantile man.

Scammers also behave in this way, hoping to "screw up" you as soon as possible. But even if he does not turn out to be a marriage swindler, then all the same, at the slightest difficulty, he will just as easily abandon his intentions, and in general he hardly imagines what a serious relationship is.

He is not ready to cope with difficulties. Such men usually easily make a lot of promises and take on a lot of obligations, trying to impress and assure them of their reliability. But really reliable people very rarely make promises, carefully weighing first whether they can actually fulfill them. And more often they do not promise, but do.

2. Signs of an alcoholic (or any addict)

It's not that he occasionally misses a bottle of beer after work or sometimes plays a "shooter", although this should be alarming, but about dependencies with all that it implies. People of a certain psychological type (dependent personality disorder) have a tendency to addiction, with which it is unrealistic to build a normal family. Even if such a person does not use, he prefers to get away from problems instead of solving them, and is also not fundamentally responsible for his actions.

During the candy-bouquet period, you may not know that he loves to drink or hangs in games for days. How can such a tendency be determined? Listen to how and what he says. Such a man often speaks about himself in a passive voice or uses impersonal turns of speech, such as: "It so happened", "They brought me", "They forced me", "I was not lucky" - that is, he always finds the reason for what happens to him and what he does, not in himself, but in something or someone else. This is a future (or already real) alcoholic or, at least, an infantile person who will have to babysit.

Even if at the same time he extols, singing her "divine" qualities, allegedly inaccessible to a man, - he still does not recognize her as a man, peremptorily denying her "male" compensations. This will manifest itself brighter as soon as he considers that some woman does not live up to the standards of the "goddess" - she immediately becomes a "goat" unworthy of human relations.

A man who despises women in principle, considers them "second class" and is able to be rude to them, will eventually treat you the same way, no matter how much he assures at first that you are "special" and not like those "goats". Naturally, you can immediately say goodbye to a man if he lets out about how he hit (pushed, threatened, humiliated - and thus put in place) one of your exes, if you don't want to walk around with bruises.

Anything that the man accuses the ex of will then be addressed to you!

5. Signs of a boor

Ham is a person who is unable to respect others: their interests, opinions, personal space. Such a person always does not respect himself - and this is not treated. Forcing the boor to make an exception for you personally will not work. Worse, rudeness in the course of life will turn into outright rudeness, up to the use of forceful methods, especially with children. During courtship, he can be gallant and helpful. But this courtesy is ostentatious, and not born of sincere attention, and in the little things he will betray himself anyway.

Be wary if a man is late, without warning, “forgets” your requests and warnings, does not look after his appearance, stretches his arms and climbs to kiss when you don’t want to. Laughing, overcomes your weak resistance - such a man is often convinced that female "no" is "yes" and acts in accordance with this "truth."

But the easiest way to recognize a boor is in relationships with other people. If he throws dust in your eyes, then he will not stand on ceremony with others. See how he behaves with taxi drivers, waiters, in line, how he talks with his friends, and especially with those with whom he is in conflict. It is in the conflict that the boor manifests itself in all its glory! A person who respects himself and others will never overstep certain boundaries - he will not insult, humiliate, be rude ... A ham keeps himself within the limits only while everything is fine or when circumstances force him to.

6. Signs of a house tyrant

Does a man like to talk about "a woman should"? He speaks: "I need a woman such and such and such and such and you are just the right fit."? It's too obvious that such a person is incapable of building relationships - he needs a servant and a cook and someone to command ... Perhaps he will even do what a man “should” himself, but he is not interested in you, as a person, or yours. feelings and interests. And you won't be interested. Are you ready for this?

It happens that at first the tyrant disguises himself. He emphatically respects your freedom and choice, while avoiding expressing his desires and preferences. This should be alarming. If a person really respects another, he and in him presupposes the same respect for himself - and will not only ask about your desires, but also voice his own in order to come to a mutual agreement, and will not play around trying to shift responsibility.

A normal person is not afraid of a conflict of interest, being able to resolve conflicts without going beyond the framework of mutual respect. The tyrant, at first, can avoid any conflicts, knowing for himself that he will not be able to hide his essence at the same time. Instead, he will expect (even demand in the depths of his soul) that his loved ones "themselves figured out" his needs, and take offense at the slow-witted, accusing them of inattention and indifference.

He can say: “As you say!”, “Everything is for you,” because he does not believe in the possibility that it is possible to agree, taking into account the interests of both. He has an "either-or" scheme: "win-lose". Sooner or later the poles will change - and you will need “everything for him”, he will try to “win” at your expense.

7. Signs of an eternal bachelor

Is your chosen one the "soul of the company"? These men are very attractive - they have charm, a sense of humor, etc. They have a lot of friends and a lot of ideas on how to have fun. There is nothing wrong with the fact that a person knows how to rest. Bad - when he lives only for the sake of entertainment and communication with friends. He is not interested in work, study, career growth ... and family too.

What is he talking about, what is he proud of? If all conversations are built around entertainment, friends and hobbies, he has no business plans, and he has the highest rating for something: "high" is a bad sign. Such a man is very jealous of his "freedom". He may be carried away by you, but he will still keep you at a distance, and you yourself will see that the relationship with you in his life occupies ... - the tenth place. You may be able to marry him by promising that you will not mind his friends and hobbies. But do you need it?

You will have to have fun with him and accept his friends, which can be a lot of fun until the kids go. Family is not fun, he will be bored and hard, and he will always strive to run away to friends, while you flop with your child, solving all the problems yourself. And even if he is at home, he will still find something to have fun (will hang on social networks, for example), and you will not get through ... Even if such a person does not escape from the "bonds of marriage", then you will really be "alone when alive husband. "

8. Signs of a walking man

"You are the most beautiful of all the girls I have met!" - such recognition betrays his passion for "collecting" girls. The womanizer enjoys success with women, he knows how to beautifully, "professionally" look after, while deep down he has a low opinion of women, and believes that anyone can be seduced. And usually he has "all women are whores."

He wants victories, not relationships. And after defeating you, he will get bored. And if you hear arguments from the series: "All men are polygamous" and "We change only with the body - and this does not mean anything, the main thing is that not with the soul", then everything is clear with him: he will not miss the opportunity to "change the body": ) Unreasonable jealousy can also become an unpleasant surprise from such a man - after all, it is natural for a person to judge by himself.

9. Signs of a jealous person

I think it's the easiest way to recognize a jealous person. The trouble is that at first women are flattered by his possessiveness - they think that this is love, that they are so distinguished from others. Although in fact jealousy speaks of his deep self-doubt. But another thing is more terrible - a jealous person does not trust a woman and does not respect her. He does not consider her capable of choosing and being true to her choice. It is impossible to build normal relationships without trust, not to mention the fact that a jealous person is simply dangerous.

A jealous man treats a woman as his property, an inanimate object. At first, it manifests itself romantically: "I won't give you to anyone!", "You are mine and only mine!", "I don't want anyone to stare at your beauty, except me - wear this skirt only at home." Can "carefully" fasten the top button on your blouse in public ... And when jealousy takes on threatening forms, alas, it is already difficult to get rid of the jealous person.

How not to be mistaken in a man?

Normal, then, worthy men meet at all ?! - Of course, there are - and quite often! Even some of the above signs may not turn out to be a "diagnosis" - it is imperative to take into account the age and family in which the man grew up.

For example, sociability at the age of 16-20 does not necessarily mean that a young man will live for the sake of entertainment - these are simply age features. Deliberate rudeness may be just bravado, an awkward demonstration of "masculinity," which will also pass. Drinking and playing does not necessarily indicate an addiction to alcoholism, but may simply be a tribute to the company - it is not the fact of drinking that is important here, but the personality and degree of involvement. We will still talk about alcoholism - subscribe to updates.

It is certainly worth looking at his father and his relationship with his mother. There is a chance that a man who grew up without a father will be a good husband and father if his relationship with his mother is good (healthy!) - such boys already know how to build normal relationships with a woman, and having suffered without a dad, they are unlikely to leave their child. But if a boy grew up with an unworthy father, then the probability that he will reproduce his model of family relationships and life position is almost 100%, no matter how much he says that he does not understand and condemns his father's behavior.

And vice versa, if his father is a worthy and decent person and his mother is happy with him, then there is a hope that some negative signs that you notice in a man will disappear without a trace in the future. But if you find in the chosen one obvious signs of the aforementioned types, and especially several at once, then you should not hope for changes!

Many negative signs are interconnected and follow from one another, that is, they can be combined in one person. Jonah often happens alcoholic. Misogynist or jealous even more often - home tyrant... There are all signs in one. However, it is useless to try to understand men and memorize the signs of unworthy, without solving their problems.

Whom and why do we choose? If your personal life is unsuccessful all the time, you only come across the heroes of this article, and you do not even believe that there are others, but you hope to heal them with your "love" or just humbly endure, considering this a "female share", then the problem is in you themselves. But this is fixable - I recommend, for example, to read the book and start sweeping the "cockroaches" that lead to unhealthy relationships.

If it seems that he deceived you, pretended to be a "prince", and then turned out to be a "monster" - it seems. Nobody pretends - a person always reveals his best side when he falls in love. And we all tend to unconsciously demonstrate qualities that are directly opposite to shortcomings. But that's why we turn a blind eye to the “bells”, joyfully believing in the initial demonstration and immediately starting to dream of family and children - a good question. Most often because, and the personality of a man is of little interest.

© Nadezhda Dyachenko