When and why do men have a midlife crisis? How does the attitude of the stronger sex towards women change over the years? In order to comprehend the rich inner world of men of different ages, ELLE turned for clarification to experts of the erarling international service and the SEKS.RF international training center network.
By virtue of youthful maximalism, young people often go to extremes, especially with regard to love relationships. This is the time of growing up feelings and becoming a personality, when love covers a man with his head, but due to a lack of experience, it can be difficult for him to cope with such an influx of strong and new feelings.
Women seem to him a mysterious and dangerous element, and it is at this age that most of all love torment falls. The guys pay attention to interesting girls: it is important for them that the partner be enthusiastic in nature, open to the new, because they themselves want to broaden their horizons - and preferably with a like-minded person. For 35% of men, it is important to share hobbies and interests with a loved one. Alas, at this age, a man may not be too sensitive, and the woman's experiences seem to him something incomprehensible. He does not attach much importance to her problems.
But there are pluses in relations with a young man: he takes love affection very seriously. He will remember his first stable relationship all his life, he will carry these memories through the years, and after decades, those feelings will still seem special to him. At this age, the thirst for great and pure love is so great that it is difficult to forgive betrayal and betrayal. 94% of men part with the traitor, and only 22% succumb to the temptation themselves. In sex, young people are not too inventive, because the act of intimacy in itself gives incredible sensations. However, the languid swarming under the covers is also not about them - in youth there is nothing worse than the routine. It is not surprising that 50% of young experimenters will be happy to try threesome sex with their beloved. Be prepared for his proposal to make love in an unexpected place and other erotic fantasies.
A man in his prime years is energetic and focused on a career. This does not mean that the relationship for him fades into the background - rather, he just expects a little different from them. At this time, the feeling of a reliable rear, stability and mutual understanding is especially important, because after the exploits at work you really want to return home, where you can relax. By the age of 35, 41% of men realize that a woman who knows how to cook is a gift of fate. This does not mean that the kitchen and parenting will become your path: an ambitious person will be able to evaluate your progress in work and will be sincerely interested in your personal growth, because marriage for him means looking not at each other, but in one direction. For 35% of men, the community of plans for the future with a beloved becomes more important than joint hobbies and even intimate relationships.
A mature man takes a long look at a future partner, but if a woman arouses interest in him and proves her willingness to live together, then next to her will be a reliable and caring life partner, able to turn a blind eye to her shortcomings. At this age, the man is attentive not only to the appearance of the woman (this is already becoming not enough for him), he evaluates her as a person.
In addition, this age is characterized by a desire to diversify sexual life: strangely enough, the most extreme fantasies appear in men not at a young age - they come with experience. A busy sex life is an important aspect of relationships for 57% of men. Mature young men are so open to experiments in intimate life that you can safely offer your partner any sex toys or BDSM attributes - he will readily support such initiatives.
The midlife crisis is not so terrible as the prospect of meeting him alone: \u200b\u200b62% of men are ready to be in a relationship without love, if only not to be alone.
A mature man is experiencing a new upsurge in vitality and especially appreciates the novelty of sensations. At this age, he is able to leave a woman the right to remain herself - he will accept your originality and independence. Only 48% of the survey participants will not be able to forgive the betrayal of her beloved. If at a younger age, men prefer a partnership of passion, then a mature man sees in a woman a muse that can inspire new achievements. A man over 40 will love you simply because you are who you are, he will be interested in just talking with you, recognizing you and enjoying life together. An adult man will be ready to accept your weaknesses and will appreciate your ability not to focus on problems. He loves comfort and is ready to organize a quiet comfortable life for a woman, where nothing will interfere with enjoying each other's company. He will not protect his independence from you, since he no longer needs to prove it to himself and fight against complexes, but in return he will expect wisdom and condescension from you (56%). Maybe sex in men of this age category does not happen so often, but he puts the interests of a partner in bed above his own.
Ekaterina Lyubimova, a leading Russian sex coach:
founder of the international network Training Center SEKS.RF
Men want sex at any age - just because they arranged nature. But each period of life leaves its imprints on their picture of the world, dictating special behavior in relationships and the sexual sphere.
At 25 years old he just wants sex, by and large, with anyone, or rather, who will agree and with whom it’s not scary. Intimacy for him is a "measure of all things" and a guarantee of stable relations. However, the fact of a relationship also attracts him incredibly. He, like a small child, admires closeness with a woman and wants this closeness in every sense. With all the violence of the flesh, it is the young gentlemen who are the most romantic and amorous. And although they have long passed the stage of the Platonic libido and are fully aware of their body, it is much easier to charm them than 35-year-olds. After all, they have not yet felt on themselves all the charms of a female character and failures in sex. This "eternal radiance of pure reason" inspires optimism. And it also becomes the reason for his forced sexual diets - both because of modesty and because of shortsightedness with the choice of a partner ready for the exploits.
At 35 the man still wants sex, but now in his coordinate system everything is more complicated. Having gone through the sexual battles of youth, he became strong, tough and took out from them an important principle - to clearly separate sex and relationships. And most importantly, he learned to do this compared to his 25 years, when his heart sank, and an overabundance of feelings could fail not only in serenade singing. In general, at 35, he realized that you can sleep with a woman and not live together. Or vice versa - I’m already tired of children, families, unfulfilled ambitions and wants to get at least part of his desires, which he left with him at his 25. At this age, he especially wants the feast of flesh, women in love, oral, anal, Martian and what like sex, not excluding the mandatory point of the program ZHMZH. But unlike the romantic 20-year-olds, he is no longer ready to invest himself in every "act of love" and all the more to turn it into a relationship. It is the 35-year-olds who are best able to lie and masterfully change, without a twinge of conscience, going nowhere after sex, promising a fabulous “tomorrow”.
For some reason, in our society there is still an opinion that if you are over 30, then you can forget about your personal life. And, if you also have a child - it’s completely without a chance of winning.
Of course, all this is just prejudice in the head, and you can always meet love. The main thing is to have the right attitude to this issue.
Forget about age
How often can you hear the phrase: "You are already 30, and you still do not have a permanent man ?!" You need to immediately understand that these are echoes of the last century. Men are creatures who are not interested in age. They are interested in appearance and sexuality. This is first and foremost. And how old is sexual beauty - this is not the first question.
Therefore, take care of yourself, keep the weight at one mark, love yourself in the end, and forget about the number in the passport.
Do not show the look of a lonely woman
Men avoid women with a lonely look. As a rule, such a relationship ends with a few dates, and nothing more. Why is that? The answer is simple - men do not like victims. And it’s not in their spirit to immediately imagine yourself with a stamp in your passport and three children in addition. Take your time, relax and just enjoy meetings.
That you did not have the look of a lonely girl, make your life interesting. It sounds corny, but in order to meet a worthy person, you must be self-sufficient. Proceed from this.
Live today
To enjoy life, you do not need to wait for a partner - you need to enjoy it today. Pay attention to women who work, ride, relax, meet friends, enjoying every minute of life. Regardless of age, there are always fans around them.
The whole secret is that they live today, and do not wait for a partner to appear in their life. This attitude to life attracts more than even the third breast size.
And here, what psychologist Valentina Vasilchenko thinks about this
If a woman after 30 cannot find a man, this suggests that she is diligently looking for him. Men feel it on a subconscious level, and ... run away. Therefore, switch to yourself, think about a career, a figure, friends. And that one will certainly appear on the horizon. And if you sit and wait, nothing will happen.
Stars Experience
The actress found that only by the age of 40. Prior to meeting with artist Davy Daily, she often changed partners, and could not build a serious relationship. Rose herself says that she has met men all her life, just to not be alone. And only after she learned to enjoy life herself, Davy appeared in her life.
Jennifer Goodwin also met the love of her life after 30. The actress herself says that she was in no hurry to marry, and devoted all her time to her career. And then an active life brought her together with actor Josh Dallas. “You can always find love, as well as lose. It is very important to be able to enjoy every day of your life, regardless of your partner, ”Goodwin said.
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You know, after 35, romantic and sexy in men has become different. Other than 18, in the sense. There, a single rose and champagne piled families. Even at 20 “you have beautiful eyes” and “I have been waiting for you all my life” functioned wonderfully. Now the courier with lilies is not surprising. No, magically, of course, but ... A huge bunch of greenery from the market is more likely to make you smile.
It used to be easier. Here he will say, brutally frowning one eyebrow, “I’m tired of being ideal for everyone, I want to be ideal only for you, baby,” and you melted at 18, he’s magnificent! I want to be his Decembrist ... And now you snort and spit, because he is an idiot on clumsy show-offs.
Before, I would burst into tears with delight if someone came to me under the window on the roof of the car, also with flowers, almost like Richard Gear to Julia Roberts.
But when he really arrived (not a gear, but almost ben affleck), the cynical witch in me looked out of the window, yawning, and banged about the rumpled roof, insurance, and what this bastard cattle would collapse now, and suddenly the car towards and in the end ... "get down from there, idiot, go eat pancakes!"
I used to like it when I don’t notice. Straight excitement turned on, Pechorin recalled. And now you don’t notice the one who does not notice. And the one who has everything complicated, and the one who disappears without calling, and the one who "can not figure it out."
Nafig need to solve puzzles. Unhappy and self-seeking, please do not worry. I used to want to admire how you can do everything yourself, no worse than men. And now you need someone who the man himself decides to bring, fix the lock, open the jar and kiss his hand.
Perfumes and teddy bears used to squeak. Now ... No, well, perfume still squeaks, why. But a steep pan is cooler than bears, definitely.
Previously, I wanted it to be reduced to a fashionable place, but now it’s terribly attractive to the offer: “let's go eat delicious food”. And sexually, when preparing dinner, simple and delicious. Even if the pasta is naval, because I love them.
I used to like fashion, but now fashion is alarming. Especially if in pantyhose jeans and a forelock. Cheeky. Brr Clear and closer are those in clean and cotton. Soft want to hug. Cotton is easier to iron.
Instead of the old attractive scum, tender fathers touch the heart, instead of the originals and brutals - those with whom it is fun and simple, instead of perfectly shaved - bearded and with tattoos. Instead of sparkling - ironic.
Diligently, sparkling, they generally began to tire very much. But viciously neighing is priceless. And still living with mom no longer seem cute.
Previously, those who said “sex is not the main thing” were considered polite princes, but now they raise serious suspicions ...
Inexplicably, they used to admire stories about how he got drunk, hijacked a motorcycle, crashed a car under a kamaz, and his head was also there, because he’s not afraid of speeds and finally dashing, and the scars, this is for the brave, and to overtake a Ferarri is a matter of honor ...
Now I feel sick from such assholes and I want non-drinking athletes who observe traffic rules (without the STD and VP, but with the zhp, sorry, I could not resist).
It used to be magical if he gave you a ride. And now it’s just demolishing the tower if he gives you the keys to something sports in his hand and says: “do you want to take yourself home?” Or even like this: “Do you want to ride an electric car?” It is intonational and environmentally responsible ”(quote). Well, a knight, well !!!
Married men after 35 become good friends, because after everything that you have plunged into, you already know that they are like sugar at night. It threatens heart disease. If you are young and beautiful on a motorcycle, you just imagine that they are a figment of your imagination. We are smiling and friends.
Terribly attracted to some business. Skill. You sit, drink coffee with a heart surgeon and listen to stories of how he did open-heart surgery (I didn’t hang around at all, I asked myself). And you understand that this is stronger than champagne, and a cool car, and do not notice ...
In general, a cool car (not just a car, but “look what a cool car I have”), a cool suit (not just a suit, but uhhhh gucci-huyuchchi) and even show off, and the look “I'm cooler than Abramovich” is somehow frightening at once with a lot of troubles - it’s just that you won’t go out in trainings, you just won’t stand next to him in sneakers, you just can’t boil cutlets. Come on…
Sexually, when it’s fun and simple, sexy, when smart, when caring, sexy, when not offended, when honest - sooo sexy. Even fidelity among aphrodisiacs soared to the top, and with the aim of raising grandchildren (not, well, they are just around the corner) - then all the fire!
But all sorts of little things, such as "walking around the house in socks and underpants" - they somehow ceased to be so striking in the eye. Let him walk, if only not in a thong (oh, right now, it just doesn’t happen).
One thing has not changed - everything is still romantic and fun to cuddle on a bench in the park. True, you have to come with your plaid and expensive port. And then call a normal taxi, because driving drunk at the age of our age is completely not sexy.
Are you sure that all the best in your life is over? Yes, of course, at age 20, every girl thinks that she can turn mountains. At this time, we had time to work, and pass exams, and, of course, have fun until the morning with many friends. At this age, we were not afraid of difficulties, problems and were sure that we had a whole life ahead of us. But time is running, and no force can stop it. Before you had a chance to look back, you already crossed the 35-year mark. Yes, now you have experience, now you know that dreaming about a pipe is just a waste of time. The first wrinkles appear on the face, despite the fact that you carefully take care of yourself, trying to “throw off” at least a couple of years. Is the terrible word "maturity" is just around the corner?
It is about 35 years old that a woman especially acutely feels the “age limit”. You are sure that it is too late to start life from scratch. After all, you are already an adult woman who is not allowed to make mistakes already, and the frivolity of youth will no longer color you.
Looking through job ads, you often come across eyes on the age limit - up to 35 years. That is, it turns out that those who have already crossed this line have already closed the road to prestigious companies? If before this age you did not have time to start a family, now there is nothing to try - the train has long gone? Is the carefree youth left behind, and in front of us is dullness, dullness, routine?
And no! Each age has its advantages and disadvantages. It is only necessary to skillfully use the first and avoid the second. Thirty-five years for a woman is a golden time. Of course, it’s too late to think about the career of the model, but now you do not have girlish complexes, false constraints, doubts. Try to look objectively at your age. Add wisdom and experience to natural data and get a formula for success. The main thing is to believe that 35 years is the best period for the implementation of the plan.
1. Time for professional fulfillment
Fate from the very beginning did not favor this girl. She lost her mother early and ended up in an orphanage, where she was taught not only how to pray, but also the basics of tailor craftsmanship. Having reached adulthood, a young girl got a job in a clothing store. In the evenings, she sang for the soul in a small restaurant. Despite the fact that she could not become a singer, she had patrons with the help of whom she opened her own fashion hats store. However, she did not stop there and, taking the money, opened her own fashion boutique. At that time she was already over 30 years old. And from that moment the glory story of the famous Gabriel-Coco Chanel began.
Remember that you can change your life for the better at any time and at any age. If you did not manage to get a higher education, or your work does not suit you, now is the time to correct the mistakes of youth. Psychologists say with confidence that after 35, a second youth awaits a woman. Children are already more or less adults, and you can take the time and yourself beloved. You can finally do what you have been dreaming of all your life. Moreover, now you know exactly what you want and where exactly you can fully reveal yourself. At the same time, it is worth considering that you will not start your ascent from scratch - your experience will go with you, your understanding that success in any business is the result of work, perseverance.
If we talk about learning, then many women who are over 35 are embarrassed to sit down at a school desk. Needless to say, this shame is false. You are probably aware that higher education opens up new career paths for you? And the circle of friends is expanding significantly.
Most importantly, try not to focus on problems. You should not take all your negative experience, baggage of mistakes with you into the future. Remember that you have many advantages over your young competitors. These advantages should be addressed in more detail.
So, your components of success:
- responsibility. Usually by this age, many women already have families, that is, they are responsible for someone else's life. And the leadership of many companies treats serious, adult women more confidently than frivolous talented persons;
- self-organization.You have already learned to control yourself, in your own words, actions and emotions. You can take control of any unforeseen situation. You are sure that there are no problems that could not be solved, and you know how to not only acknowledge, but also correct your mistakes;
- relationships.At your age, you already have rich experience in communicating with people. It will be much easier for you to find a common language with your superiors, with employees and with customers. In addition, thirty-year-old women are much less likely to conflict and assert themselves at the expense of others.
2. Great time to love!
From early childhood, she dreamed of becoming a singer. Despite the fact that by the age of 30 the whole world had started talking about her, this young woman’s personal life did not work out. Her first child appeared at ... 38 years old. This is all about Madonna.
At the age of 35, you can not only make a career, but also change something in your personal life, or maybe, in general, radically change it. Statistics say that by age 35, many women break up with their lovers or get divorced. The reason is a new view of the world, a rethinking of life values. You can’t lose heart. You just tell yourself that 35 is far from 55, and you still have a lot of time to find your soul mate, to start a family.
No need to regret the bitter experience in your personal life. Today you yourself can make decisions based on your desires, aspirations. The main thing is to tune in to positive. If you want to build a long-term relationship, there is no need to doubt - you will succeed. Moreover, today there are not just a lot of opportunities to get acquainted, but a lot. You just need to go out more often, communicate with friends, go to the cinema, theater, and exhibitions. You can use the help of the Internet. Attend courses, trainings, studios - there you can not only learn how to communicate more relaxed, but also find new friends. Or maybe your love.
And do not hesitate to flirt, because in this way you not only tell the man that you liked her, but also once again have the opportunity to make sure of your attractiveness.
Your advantages:
- realism. You will not idealize even the most impeccable man, you will not create an “idol” for yourself, which means that you will not be disappointed in the end;
- healthy practicality. You already know the price of ordinary words, albeit beautiful. You already understood that loving with your ears is “impractical”, it is better to pay attention to actions and actions;
- sexuality. Sexologists unanimously say that 35 years is the heyday of female sensuality. You already know perfectly well what you want to get from your partner, an intimate life. And you know how to distinguish good sex from bad.
3. Realize in children!
This lady is a unique combination of bright appearance and keen mind. However, the journey to the top took too much time. Success came to her life when she was already over 30. Enjoying the full fame, she decided to think about family and children. However, with her husband, the media tycoon had to break up. But she adopted children and feels absolutely happy. Who is she? Sharon Stone.
35 is a period of not only reassessment of values, but also a lot of opportunities to live at your pleasure. You no longer need to prove to everyone around that you are worth something. You have already proved everything. Now you can think about yourself beloved.
The only thing that can prevent you from enjoying life at this stage is your prejudices and fears. You are afraid to change the established rhythm of life, you are afraid of complications during the “late pregnancy”, you are afraid that you will not be able to combine a career and a baby. All these are far-fetched obstacles, fears. Try to ask yourself: what is worse for you - your far-fetched problems or childlessness. And immediately everything will fall into place. And also think about the fact that the appearance of the baby will change not only you, but also your attitude to life. If you feel that at this stage you have achieved everything that is possible — you have advanced up the career ladder, relations with your husband have become somewhat mundane — let new emotions and impressions into your life, think about posterity.
Your advantages:
- a family. You can already count on the support of people close to you;
- material base. You have your own apartment, you have achieved good success in your work. And you can quite afford maternity leave and a nanny. Your baby will not need anything;
- knowledge of life. You can only envy your experience in relationships, communication. You will not make elementary mistakes with your child. And most importantly - you have something to teach your baby.
And always, in all situations, remember that all the best is yet to come!
