Once you had a relationship, but for some reason they did not work out. And here the notorious phrase sounds: "we will remain friends." Is this a veiled designation of a complete break, or is friendship between ex-lovers really possible in principle? And what could be the situation? Comments are given by psychologist Marina Vozchikova.

If after parting no one is very offended, then why not make friends?

Indeed, often at the end of a relationship, one of the couple - a guy or a girl - offers: “Let's stay friends,” the specialist says. “But that does not always mean an intention to be friends.” More often, we simply do not want to offend a person by denying him communication. And for real friendship to arise, a number of conditions are necessary.

First of all, you should not be so offended by each other to avoid communication. Often we understand that a person is not so bad, just for a life together he is not suitable for us - not that character, there are no mandatory qualities that we would like to see in our boyfriend, there are annoying features, and so on. But as a friend or friend, the guy is quite happy with us.

A friendship between a guy and a girl arises when they have something in common. Some hobbies, outlooks on life, maybe teamwork or territorial proximity. If at least one of these conditions is met, then there is a chance that the offer to "remain friends" will not remain an empty phrase.

What is good in friendship with an ex-boyfriend

What are the pros and cons of such an “after love” friendship?

There are a lot of positive aspects to such relations.

Firstly, during the period when you were a couple, a certain emotional closeness and understanding arose between you. In other words, it’s easier for you to find a common language with each other.

Secondly, you know each other's strengths and weaknesses well, therefore you know how to behave with each other, what to expect, and you can give or receive good advice from a former partner in a given situation.

Thirdly, the fact that you once had an intimate relationship makes your communication more open. There are also couples remaining friends who continue to periodically engage in sexual relations simply because they are pleased with each other and without a hint of a return to the past.

What are the disadvantages of friendship with an ex-boyfriend

But in such a friendship there are also many pitfalls.

Firstly, if one of the couple still has feelings for the former partner, then friendships can become a torment for him. After all, a former lover, perhaps, is already building a new relationship with someone else, but you are still counting on something ... It’s not easy for you to regularly see him, communicate with him and at the same time know that he no longer belongs to you ... They may have a place of seemingly unreasonable scenes of jealousy, inappropriate actions and so on.

Secondly, a romance that has grown into a friendship can seriously interfere with a new relationship. It so happens that an ex-boyfriend rushes between an old girlfriend and a new passion, feeling guilty in front of both, while both ladies are desperately jealous of him to each other ...

Thirdly, it’s difficult for you to discuss with your friend, who was once your lover, your personal life, which would not be difficult if there was never a romance between you. For example, you don’t know how to tell him that you have already started a relationship with someone else.

So is it worth it to maintain friendship with your "ex"? Here are the recommendations of the psychologist Marina Vozchikova.

Tips for acting with an ex-boyfriend who offered friendships

Before you offer to stay friends, think about whether you need it.

Do not try to maintain friendly relations if you still have feelings for this guy, but he doesn’t have any for you. It will hurt for you.

Care should be taken to make friends with a guy who still feels feelings for you if you don't reciprocate. This can put you in an awkward situation over time.

Do not abuse your "friendship rights" if your ex-lover has a new partner. She will certainly not be delighted if you constantly start to annoy her boyfriend with various requests - for example, to help you with repairs or take him somewhere in your car.

Also, do not spend too much time with your former boyfriend if you have a new one.

If you decide to invite the former boyfriend to visit, and he already has a new lover, invite them together, otherwise there will inevitably be problems.

Try not to discuss with your "former" your past relationship. Also, do not discuss them with his new girlfriend or your new chosen one. What happened is gone!

When love leaves, other feelings come to replace it. They are all different. Some worry about loneliness, while others are incredibly relieved. After the breakup, many people have one and the same thought: what will we be for each other in the future, can we remain friends? True friendship requires a complete understanding and acceptance of a person without a trace, with all its oddities and negative qualities. Is it possible to have such feelings for someone who was passionately loved yesterday?

Life is interesting and unpredictable, and there are times when love grows into friendship. Unfortunately, such a development of relations is not common, and this is not surprising. After all, people part for a reason. Often, parting is preceded by quarrels, scandals, misunderstanding, and as a result, disappointment and emptiness. We no longer want to see a man who made him suffer, and sometimes even a desire arises for revenge. In any case, an unpleasant residue on the heart remains.

And even if from the outside it seems that people broke up peacefully, they can still experience not the most pleasant feelings. Most likely, it will be a disappointment. By tying up and subsequently developing relations, we hope for the best, dream, make plans that did not come true. Memories of the past live in my heart, in which there were many pleasant moments, and sometimes I want to feel again the warmth and comfort that warmed even in the most inclement weather. Perhaps it is precisely such feelings that are the reason why people do not want to finally break off relations?

Friendship with a former loved one: pain or joy

Rarely do couples break up by mutual agreement, often there is an abandoned party for which friendship is the only way to see and communicate with a loved one. Loving people live in hopes of resurrection of feelings, despite the fact that the lover is sincerely friends. The situation is complicated and complicated: on the one hand there is the opportunity to see each other, but on the other, each meeting brings a lot of suffering and pain. After all, it is no longer possible to hug a loved one, to sincerely talk about your love. In addition, they share with their friends the most intimate, introduce new likes, talk about love affairs. But to hear, and even more so communicate with the person who took your place, is not so simple.

Meetings and communication evoke memories, each time they respond in the heart with pain, and not everyone can bear this burden. The logical end is a complete break, and therefore the end of friendship.

And even if the reason for the separation is objective reasons that have nothing to do with resentment and mental trauma, it is difficult to start friendships from scratch. Memories will not leave you a chance, constantly popping up in your memory. If they are good and kind, then communication after the break will be friendly. Otherwise, everything is exactly the opposite.

It is foolish to recall past grievances, and it makes no sense to make any claims. After parting, people allow themselves to live differently. They change their attitude towards the "former" and one can even say that they are becoming more tolerant of them. Domestic problems, which are most often the cause of family dramas and scandals, are a thing of the past. We have no moral right to teach the life of an outsider, and moreover we should not try to change it.

When thinking whether to be friends or not to be friends with the former object of love, you need to clearly realize that friendship should be mutual. If one person shows sincere feelings, and the other has any hidden intentions in his heart, then they will not succeed.

When an understanding comes to a person that the feeling of love no longer lives in the heart, doubts begin to torment him. He is confused, and does not know how to communicate this news to a partner. The way out of a difficult situation is often an offer of friendship. But it's a shame to hear it from the lips of a loved one, and if you agree to friendships, then with the only hope: to return to the past.

The situation is not simple, but the most difficult is that the person who has stopped loving, left, abandoned, I am sure that something terrible has happened. Thoughts about his imperfection, inability to hold on to a loved one, revolve in my head. It begins to seem that life has lost all meaning, and all the best is in the past.

If the gap occurred due to another person, then you involuntarily begin to compare yourself with him. What a “broken” heart feels is impossible to convey in words. Humiliation, pain, resentment and tears, with the help of which all these feelings are splashed out. You understand that a loved one had a choice, and he is not in your favor. So, in some ways you lose to your opponent. Beauty, intelligence, behavior ...

But this is not so at all. Each of us has his own tastes, views, requests and expectations. Moreover, life does not stand still, relations are changing, and those who still deserved our love and affection yesterday may turn out to be strange and incomprehensible today.

No need to compare people, we are all individual, not similar to each other, and therefore interesting and unique.

When is friendship possible?

If two people realized that their relationship has changed a lot, they no longer experience their former attraction and passion for each other, but respect remains between them, then they can remain friends. It is important that the former lovers had the same intentions: to help, support, and most importantly, not to keep evil in their hearts and fully trust. Seneca Lucius Anney said: “Friendship ends where distrust begins”

There are times when right after parting there is no desire to communicate. But having met in a few years, people feel mutual attraction. And this is not love at all, it is the understanding that you are soul mates who understand each other perfectly. What if you manage to prove to everyone that friendship after love is possible? It’s worth the risk! Moreover, such relationships do not oblige you to anything, and if you feel any discomfort, you can easily break them off.

Both women and men often think about how to behave with their soulmate after separation or divorce. Many tear the ends, discuss behind the eyes, in every possible way try to prick once the greatest love of their lives. However, you can avoid nasty things in the direction of the former chosen one or darling and maintain a warm relationship with him.

The benefits of friendship between ex

The friendship between former lovers can be quite sincere if you forgive all the mistakes and bury the ax of war. If you want to be friends with former love, you can even find some advantages of such relationships:

1. Proximity and understanding. During the time that you were together, you could perfectly study the partner’s habits, his views on many things, and accept some shortcomings. Former love will be especially perceptive to your mental suffering, so you can safely call him in the middle of the night and speak out from the heart, having received good support.
2. Request for advice. If you are completely confused and cannot find a way out of this or that situation, your former partner will absolutely be able to give you good advice, because he perfectly understands what to expect from you.
3. Intimate relationship. If after breaking up you cannot find your new love, you can sometimes have sexual intercourse with your former lover, because he has studied your body perfectly and knows all the sensual points. The main thing is not to cross the line, because often couples begin to take a step towards a truce after such tempting and piquant meetings.

Cons of friendship between ex

Friendship with the former is, of course, wonderful - full mutual understanding, support, warm relations and harmony, which is so lacking in love relationships. You will no longer endure endless reproaches, scenes of jealousy, because commitment is no longer your hobby!

However, is there a friendship between the former? To answer this question, you should first of all think about how much you value a person with whom you were in close relationships?

You may not be able to perceive him as a friend or friend with whom you can meet with a glass of sparkling wine and for the first time in a long time not to hint at a passionate night or even take by the hand. If the former wants to be friends, and you can’t accept him in this role, it’s better to refuse to communicate at all, because otherwise a huge number of minuses will come up:

• But the feelings remained! Perhaps you can’t forget these wonderful moments when you went to the cinema together, walked hand in hand in the park, smiled at small children and chose names for your future fidgets ...
• There is another case - your partner has warm feelings and expects to return, but you have already completely burned out. In this case, it is worth breaking off all the ends, because otherwise you can not only hurt your ex-lover, but completely destroy the warm relationship.
• A hindrance to a new relationship. If you could find a new love, and the old one does not give rest and life at all, constantly causing new quarrels and scandals, weigh all the pros and cons. Is it worth giving up happiness in the present, for the sake of a dubious past? Unfortunately, a huge number of couples, according to numerous statistics, break up due to the fact that one of the partners cannot break off relations with his old love. Allow yourself to be happy, because it is not without reason that it is said: “He who remembers the old, that eye is out.” Only here is the matter even more complicated - it concerns love.
• It will not work to discuss your personal life. It is unlikely that you will be able to ask for advice from your former partner on the topic of true love. A jealousy that has come from somewhere will come up, which will cause only uncomfortable moments.

Does such a friendship really exist?

Unfortunately, most often the phrase "let's stay friends" is pronounced only so as not to offend the partner. However, many former lovers rate her as a hint that everything can still be returned. Why give false love to a once beloved person, especially if he still cannot forget those wonderful moments when you were together?

Friendship with the former can give not only a sea of \u200b\u200bpleasant emotions and impressions, because a young man or girl in a new role is very tempting! But do not forget that this is also a big pain that can be caused not only to oneself, but also to the partner. First of all, it is worth answering the question, is there a friendship between the former in your particular case? In order to maintain a warm relationship that will not grow into something more, you need:

1. Good to break up. If you have no offense at your ex-loved one, you can try to move with him to a new level - friendship. The absence of irritation and resentment is a huge chance that you will be able to maintain friendly communication that does not spill over into love. A few weeks of passionate relationships - and you will again come to the same thing that caused the separation.
2. To have something in common.   Perhaps you are bound by the same preferences in music or you are madly in love with one author, who devotes a lot of time to reading books. It is common interests that can contribute to good friendships!
3. New soul mates. It is not strange, but you will have more chances to maintain friendship with your former lover if your heart has long been occupied with new love. The main thing is that the former was likewise passionate about other relationships.

How to maintain a normal relationship?

How often partings occur, which lead to mutual hatred ... When you see a former lover, you may be trembling with irritation and appear a blush of anger, because he caused innumerable pain and insults. After such a break, the friendship between an ex-boyfriend and girlfriend seems like a fantastic phenomenon that only happens in fairy tales.

However, despite the prejudices and outbursts of rage - normal relations can be maintained! Women manage to maintain good relations not only with their lovers, but also make friends with ex-husbands.

So how do you still behave when "love has passed - the tomatoes have withered", and you live in the same city or even on the same street:

1. After breaking up, try not to get depressed. Even if you have been abandoned, never dare yourself to plunge into the hopeless abyss of suffering. Immediately engage yourself in business, find a new hobby that will take a huge amount of your time. Only when you can love yourself can you easily say the indifferent "Hello!" your former love, which may have caused you many resentments and broke your heart.
2. Do not respond to hints. If even your former soulmate will hint at meetings and again flared up feelings - do not go astray if you have already decided everything for yourself. Refuse from meetings, finding good reasons, and after a while, a young man or ex-girl themselves will moderate their ardor a little. The main thing is for you to decide for yourself whether you want to completely break the ends.
3. Do not discuss former love behind the eyes. Do not shout at every corner about the shortcomings of your old partner, because you yourself chose him! This will not only cause some inconvenience to the former lover, but you will also prove yourself not from the best side, pushing people away from you.