Are you married to “that” person? Are you happily married? Are you happily married?

Is your union ideal, are you really happy in your marriage? To find out the answer to this difficult question, you can take a simple test for a happy marriage. Try to answer each of the proposed questions quickly and as honestly as possible. The main thing here is not to look for the right answer, but to write the first thing that comes to your mind. Try to take this lightly. After all, this is just a test, even for a happy marriage. Everything can be corrected, and correction begins precisely with the awareness of objective reality. At the same time, really try not to think too much - let your heart speak instead of your mind.

Test for a happy marriage

As soon as lovers begin their life together:
a) they understand each other less and less, the perception of the partner is dulled;
b) passion passes, giving way to calmness and even indifference;
c) their love flares up with renewed vigor.*

Yours living together:
a) makes you constantly anxious;
b) measured and unemotional;
c) gives you joyful emotions and fills you with happiness.*

Your loved ones and relatives:
a) they say that your union is successful and strong;*
b) do not express their opinion regarding your marriage;
c) subject your relationship with your partner to harsh criticism.

If you had a magic wand, you would:
a) would radically change your partner’s mindset:
b) would slightly correct the character of the spouse;
c) would leave everything about your husband as it is.*

Your intimate life:
a) bored you because of the monotony;
b) remained the same as several years ago;
c) has become even brighter and more interesting.*

Do you think that women your age have relationships with their husbands:
a) much more harmonious and sincere than yours;
b) approximately the same as yours;
c) not as good as yours.*

Single life without a spouse is:
a) too high a price for dubious freedom;*
b) a completely natural phenomenon;
c) of course, it’s unpleasant, but it gives such desired independence.

If you were not there, then your husband:
a) would not be as happy as with you;*
b) would find another woman, life with whom would be approximately the same as in marriage with you;
c) would live a fuller and happier life.

Most often people:
a) tend to mentally idealize marriage, which is the reason for subsequent disappointment in it;
b) think very little about family life;
c) initially they are cautious, but then they become convinced that married life is much happier and better than single life.*

You are not thinking about separating from your spouse because:
a) your marriage brings happiness to both of you;*
b) in principle, your life can be called normal (no worse than that of others).
c) this won’t happen anyway due to children and shared responsibilities.

If you could go back in time, you would:
a) became the wife of their current spouse again;*
b) perhaps they chose a completely different person as their husband;
c) they preferred life outside of marriage, but would definitely not marry their spouse.

When you think that out of all the women, your husband preferred only you, you:
a) feel real pride;*
b) take it for granted;
c) often feel irritated.

Do you think that your husband:
a) has practically no advantages, but it has a lot of disadvantages;
b) good man, even despite some shortcomings;
c) almost ideal.*

Your marriage is so harmonious thanks to:
a) the identity of your spouse;*
b) fortunate circumstances;
c) only your ability to endure and forgive a lot.

Having lived together for so many years:
a) you feel that you love each other even more;*
b) you have not cooled off towards each other at all;
c) you have stopped experiencing any positive emotions towards each other.

Do you think that family life:
a) opens up creative abilities in a person;*
b) goes in parallel with the self-realization of partners, without affecting it in any way;
c) prevents further creative development spouses, limiting their horizons.

Your Spouse's Personality Traits:
a) so good that even your friends envy you;*
b) are no different from those of other men;
c) disgusting, it’s simply impossible to get along with him.

Most often, you and your spouse:
a) stand up for each other;*
b) support each other only when your intentions coincide;
c) are exclusively occupied with their own problems, paying little attention to the affairs of their partner.

Your husband:
a) quite often commits unnecessary and thoughtless actions;
b) an ordinary man who behaves the same as other men.
c) incredibly creative, so he easily finds a way out of even the most difficult situations.*

Do you think that family happiness:
a) either there is, or there is not - little depends on the partners here;
b) if it depends on the actions and feelings of the spouses, then only to a very small extent;
c) a variable value that depends directly on the behavior and efforts of both spouses.*

When you have legalized the relationship, your life:
a) has become more stable and measured;*
b) remained the same;
c) for some reason it only became more complicated.

It seems to you that each of the partners in marriage:
a) a priori deserves respect;*
b) can count on respect only if he behaves in a certain way;
c) every day and hour he is obliged to prove to his spouse that he is worthy of his respect.

At home you:
a) love to communicate with your husband, you enjoy his company, regardless of what you do;*
b) you practically don’t pay attention to your spouse, you just live together;
c) find it difficult to endure your husband’s company; it tires and burdens you.

If someone wants you to tell them about life with your spouse, then you:
a) you are unlikely to remember at least one happy moment;
b) tell us about the most significant and memorable events: first meeting, wedding, etc.;
c) you will have something to remember, because there were so many joyful moments in your life together.*

Test for a happy marriage: keys

Now you need to correctly calculate the points you have scored. If your choice matches the answers marked with asterisks, then count yourself 2 points. An intermediate option (1 point) is always the answer “b”. And for a complete mismatch you get 0 points.

Test for a happy marriage: interpretation

From 29 points. You don’t even have to doubt the strength of your family and the success of your marriage. Harmony and complete well-being reign in relationships. Your loved ones consider your marriage exemplary and try to visit you more often, since the very atmosphere of the house attracts you with warmth and goodwill. Apparently, living together brings happiness to both you and your spouse. Even when faced with disagreements, you readily seek compromise and try to support your partner.
Between 24 and 28 points. Your family life is quite successful. Although there is something to strive for. For example, sometimes you may be too categorical and adherent to principles. Pay more attention to your spouse and his feelings. However, remember about yourself: talk to your partner about your experiences, trust him with your emotions, show that you also need his support.
Up to 24 points. The “weather” in your family leaves much to be desired. The household routine has captured you so much that you have completely stopped devoting time to your spouse, paying attention to him and your relationship with him. Perhaps now is the time to change something, to do something family life more rich and vibrant (move away from your parents, have a long vacation together, think about your child, etc.).

When I returned home that evening, my wife was setting the table. I took her hand and told her we needed to talk. She sat down and began to quietly eat dinner. And again I saw the pain in her eyes.

Suddenly I realized that I could not say anything. But I had to do it. I wanted to get a divorce. I calmly raised this topic. She didn't seem angry at all. She just asked me softly: “Why?”

I didn't answer. And that made her angry. She suddenly started screaming that I was not a man. We didn't talk anymore that evening. She cried. I knew she wanted to know what happened to our marriage. But it was difficult for me to admit that my heart now belonged to someone else - Jane. That I don't love her anymore. I just felt sorry for her.

With deep feelings of guilt, I drew up divorce papers stating that she would keep our house, car and 30% of my company. She read it and then tore it into pieces. The woman with whom we lived for 10 years became a stranger to me. I was sorry that she spent so much time on me, but I could not take my words back - I loved someone else. Finally she began to cry. This is what I expected. For me, her tears were a kind of liberation. The idea of ​​divorce, which I had been obsessed with for the past few weeks, became clearer and more definite.

The next day I returned home late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have dinner and went straight to bed because I was very tired after a busy day on the other. When I woke up, she was still sitting at the table and writing. But I didn't care, so I rolled over and went back to sleep.

And in the morning she introduced me to her terms of divorce. Nothing was required of me, just to postpone the divorce for a month. She asked me to try to live a normal life this month, to make every effort for this. The reason was simple: our son was starting exams and she didn’t want him to be upset about our breakup.

This suited me. But there was one more condition: every day for this month I had to carry her in my arms from the room to the threshold, just like on our wedding day. I thought she was going crazy. But in order not to spoil the relationship in our last days together, I accepted this strange demand.

I told Jane about the conditions my wife had set for the divorce. She laughed and said dismissively that this was absurd. Also, despite what my wife has planned, she will have to accept the inevitable.

My wife and I have not had any physical contact since I asked for a divorce. So on the first day, when I carried her in my arms, it looked awkward. Our son stood behind and clapped, enjoying how dad carried mom. His words hurt me. But the wife quietly said: “Don’t tell your son about the divorce.”. I nodded, a little upset. I set her down on the ground outside the front door and she went to work. I also went to the office.

On the second day it was easier for both of us. She held me tightly. I could smell her perfume. I realized that I had not looked closely at this woman for a very long time. And I realized that she was no longer young. Small wrinkles on the face, White hairOur marriage left its mark on her.

On the fourth day, when I held her in my arms, I felt the closeness return. This woman gave me 10 years of her life. On days 5 and 6, I again felt the feeling of closeness getting stronger. I didn't tell Jane about this. The month almost flew by unnoticed. Perhaps daily training made me stronger.

And then one morning she was looking for what to wear. She tried on a large number of dresses, but couldn’t find one that would fit her well.

She sighed and said that all the dresses were too big for her. And I suddenly realized how much weight she had lost. This is probably why it was so easy for me to carry her in my arms. I was struck by the thought: “How much bitterness and pain is hidden in her!”. Involuntarily, I reached out my hand and stroked her head.

At that moment our son came in and said that it was time for me to carry my mother downstairs. For him, the sight of his father carrying his mother in his arms became an integral part of his life. The wife asked her son to come over and hugged him tightly. I turned away because I was afraid that I might change my mind at the last minute.

I took her in my arms, she hugged my neck, and I pressed her even closer to me. It was the same as on our wedding day. Only her thinness upset me greatly.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms, I could not take a single step. Our son went to school. I hugged her tightly and said that I had not noticed how closeness had disappeared from our lives.

I arrived at the office and jumped out of the car without even closing the door. I was afraid that any delay might make me change my mind. I went upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said: "I'm sorry, Jane, but I don't want to get divorced anymore."


She looked at me in surprise and then touched my forehead. "Do you have high temperature?". I took her hand away and said, “I'm sorry Jane, but I won't get a divorce. My marriage was boring because I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't already love each other. Now I understand that just as I carried her in my arms into the house on my wedding day, so I must carry her in my arms until death do us part.” The meaning of my words began to dawn on Jane. She slapped me, closed the door and burst into tears.

I went down and left. On the way, I stopped at a flower shop and ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife.

The saleswoman asked what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: “I will carry you in my arms every morning until death do us part.”

That evening I arrived home with a bouquet of flowers and a smile on my face and went up to our bedroom. My wife was lying on the bed. Dead.

She had been battling cancer for months, and I was so busy dating Jane that I didn't even notice. My wife knew that she would soon die, and at the same time she wanted to protect me from the anger of our son, which would befall me in the event of a divorce. The main thing for her was that in the eyes of her son I remain a loving husband...

Small details are very important in a relationship. It's not a house, a car, or money in the bank. These things create an environment conducive to happiness, but by themselves they do not bring happiness.

So take the time to be good friend for your spouse, and pay attention to the little things that create intimacy between you. And may your marriage be happy!

This test was originally designed to allow you to ask your husband if he is happy in his marriage. But the family is not only the husband, so it is useful to ask each other such questions. Or to yourself. By the way, if you cannot afford to discuss something with your spouse, this in itself serves as an alarming signal.

1. When was the last time you met your friends separately? If you are glued to each other and have no interests outside of your partner, this can mean a painful dependence.

2. Have either of you's habits changed recently? If so, what is behind this - fatigue, stress, an attempt to change the routine?

3. Where do you think your relationship is heading? An honest answer to this question is so important that many people prefer not to ask themselves.

4. When you think about your relationship, what adjective would you use to describe it?

5. When was the last time you just hugged? This is an important marker of trust and affection. Hugging helps produce oxytocin, the hormone of pleasure and affection.

6. What makes you feel valued in a relationship? What are your actions and your partner’s responses?

7. What is your love language? Do you know what will be the most vivid expression of love for your partner: collaboration, time together, physical contact, verbal recognition or gifts? Does he know what the language of expression of love will be for you?

8. What do you want from a relationship and what are you not getting, both of you?

9. How do you think your partner thinks about you?

10. What are your family's top three priorities right now? Are they the same for you and your partner?

11. What life values for you and your partner? Do they match? Sometimes we discover differences of opinion very slowly.

12. Do you have anything to be grateful to your partner for? This shows not only what it does for you, but also how much you need it. Or how capable you are of noticing it.

13. Is there anything you're afraid to tell him? They lie not only because of the habit of lying. They often lie because they are afraid to tell the truth, fearing the reaction. Is it safe for your partner to tell the truth?


14. How much do you enjoy your sex life? We won't pretend that it doesn't matter at all, right? Your temperament can cause mutual suffering if there is a mismatch.

15. How much good parents do you feel yourself? It may turn out that the wife is dying to take care of the children and is dissatisfied with herself, while the husband spends a couple of hours a month with the children and is “father of the year” in his eyes. Both are unfair.

16. Do you feel that your partner values ​​you?

17. Do you think that you have changed a lot since your wedding? It's a common thing: we all try to look our best from the moment we meet until the end of the honeymoon and become ourselves over time. The question is, how much do you really like each other now?

18. Can you disagree with each other without quarreling? A very important point: recognition of the right to one’s point of view belongs to the spouse. If any disagreement leads to an argument, you have problems.


19. Do you listen to each other? Do you feel heard?

20. Are you ready to change for each other? No, not one way, but both. Marriage is a constant and mutual smoothing of corners for comfortable coexistence. If only one of the spouses works on himself, this is some kind of nonsense, not a family.

Once you ask all these questions, it will be easier for you to understand what you need to do to improve your relationship if that's what you want. Or that they have outlived their usefulness and you live in illusions. Then it may be more honest not to try to revive something that died a long time ago. Or it didn't even begin to live. You decide.

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    Is there even such a thing as the same one Human?

    And, if you're dating someone, how do you know it's him or her? Is this the person with whom you rarely quarrel? A person who has the same interests as you? Someone whose personality test score perfectly matches your own? Is this the person you see yourself growing old with? Or does this concept include everything listed above?

    The problem I present to you is that if we think that there is a the same one’ man, then there must also exist ‘ not the same’ Human. This logical statement may seem harmless - some might even say that it is useful during the search phase. However, once you get married, ‘ not the same’ the person ceases to exist.

    If you think otherwise, it can have a devastating impact on your marriage.

    If we go into marriage thinking that perhaps we have chosen not that person, it is unlikely that we will face challenges with the same hope-filled fervor as we would have otherwise. If there is a possibility that we both will get married not with that human, then why sacrifice and strain to achieve success? Why not file for divorce and start looking the same one person (in the hope that he also did not make a mistake and did not marry some other person)?

    Thought about " not the same one"man flickers in the shadow of many broken marriages.

    Romantic way

    Many of us have watched movies or television shows.

    Those romantic comedies involving a man and woman who are "supposed" to be together, but instead they are "attached" to someone else? The same " real love", which was destroyed by fate.

    In the beginning, we often don't want them to meet - we value marriage too much to see it ruined. But as the film progresses, it shows a huge number of well-planned events and relationships to slowly and strategically woo our hearts. We find in our hearts the hope of destroying some relationships to make way for others. In just ninety minutes we find ourselves moving from what is wrong to what may be necessary. By the end, we feel like we're rejoicing when the couple finally comes together - infidelity, that's all.

    The entire genre is dedicated to this concept - a concept that exists only when the thought of “ the same" And " not that"person.

    Mr. and Mrs. "The Wrong One"

    Just define for yourself: such a concept as “ the same one(or the same one)" does not exist - unless you are already married. The person who is " thereby", this is the person you married. This is what marriage recognizes.

    Marriage is a conscious and declared willingness to devote oneself to a person who has shortcomings. You don't ignore their flaws, you dedicate yourself to these people despite their flaws. Marriage includes shortcomings and commitment (Ephesians 5:25).

    And, when we dedicate ourselves, we must remember that we ourselves are " not the same"man (Romans 3:23)! This is what makes marriage so beautiful and glorious. One " not the one"a person devotes himself to another" not the same one"to a person. What would be the triumph of dedication to someone if he has no flaws?

    "The One" is the one you are married to.

    So, instead of searching for " the same one”, look for a spouse who appears to be on the path of sanctification. Once you have tied the knot and made a public promise before God and before humanity, congratulations! – you married “ thereby" If you are already married: Congratulations! Are you married to " thereby"by man (Matthew 19:4-6).

    When you hit a bump in the road, remember that the best marriage in the world is still a marriage between two people who need redemption along with their relationship. And, Praise God, Jesus came to restore us and give us a perfect relationship with Himself (Revelations 21:1-5).

    Author - Timothy Trudeau/ © 2017 Desiring God Foundation. Website: desiringGod.org
    Translation - Victoria Bilyauer For