In the life of every person there has been a separation, when only yesterday so dearly loved, dear and close person, leaves on this day, taking a piece of the soul and closing the door to a happy family future. Indescribable pain, a feeling of emptiness, grief, despair and resentment settles in the heart. Many are trying to find the answer to the questions: how to survive a breakup with a loved one, what to do to regain faith in love and open your heart to new feelings? Psychologists recommend letting the person go, not holding on to the past, but finding positive factors in the situation.
Why do people feel bad about breakups?
Parting with a loved one is a kind of mental trauma that is not easy to survive. Psychologists attribute the following to the main reasons why people react so strongly to a breakup:
- Sincere love - when the heart completely belongs to one loved one, all thoughts are about him, it is unimaginable to imagine that he could leave. After a breakup, love does not go away in one day or a month; it will take a lot of time for feelings to burn out and cool down, so getting over a breakup is extremely difficult.
- Attachment to a person - if a couple has been together for a long time, people trusted each other, then it is extremely difficult to accept and understand that this no longer exists and will not happen again.
- Fear of being alone - after parting with a loved one, the self-esteem of the abandoned person, as a rule, drops sharply. Obsessive thoughts appear with the pretext “what if”: “What if I don’t meet anyone?”, “What if I end up alone forever?”, others. Such thoughts make you sad and aggravate the emotional process, delaying “recovery.”
- Self-flagellation is one of the main factors that force you to relive the situation of parting with your loved one again. Constant memories of happy, joyful days together, viewing joint photos, listening to sad compositions makes you return to a past that no longer exists, which depresses your condition even more.
Advice from psychologists on how to cope with loneliness after a breakup
Every person can survive a breakup; it only takes time and a little effort. A real, healthy, sober assessment of the situation, accepting the situation as it is, realizing that the relationship is in the past, and a new stage of life is open to you, will help you cope with the problem. In order to survive a breakup with a loved one, psychologists advise taking 4 simple steps:
- Let go of the past.
- Find something positive in the breakup.
- Remove all the negativity that the separation brought into life (think positively).
- Open your heart to a new life, relationships, feelings.
Don't hold on to memories
When a person leaves, there are reasons for this: cooled feelings, new love, frequent conflict situations with a partner. It is important to understand that if a loved one has left, then you need to let him go - it will be painful, difficult, but you need to put an end to this stage of life, throw all thoughts and memories of the past out of your head. To survive a breakup, you need to clear your head of thoughts about your departed loved one, prohibit yourself from even thinking about what connects you with him.
Get rid of negative emotions
Negativity has a bad effect on your emotional, mental and physical health, so it’s worth getting rid of it. Forget about the pain that you had to endure during the breakup, about the resentment that settled in your soul and poisons you from the inside, about the hatred of the once loved one who so cruelly betrayed and trampled on your heart. Throw away everything that reminds you of your ex-partner, that causes a wave of indignation, grief, and streams of tears.
Chat with friends and family
After a breakup, it is not necessary to lead a reclusive lifestyle or sit alone. Rather, on the contrary, it appeared free time You can spend it on loved ones, friends you haven’t been able to meet before. Don’t be afraid to talk about your feelings, the experiences that are hidden in your soul; by speaking out, you will achieve relief, and the support of your family will help you regain self-confidence.
Program yourself for happiness and new relationships
In order to survive a breakup, you need to understand that this is not only the end of a relationship, but also the beginning of a new life, in which there will be other meetings, acquaintances, and joys. Let go of sorrows and sorrows, open your heart to new feelings, relationships, believe that you can love and be loved. Tune in to a positive wave, allow yourself to enjoy every day, believe in miracles and don’t be afraid of being hit by Cupid’s arrow.
Ways to cope with heartache after a long relationship
It is possible to cope with depression and pain after a breakup with the help of various life changes, new hobbies, and activities. It is not necessary to change everything radically; sometimes small innovations can give existence new meaning and joy. Known ways to help get over a breakup:
- Change your image - dramatic changes in appearance, according to psychologists, can affect life after a breakup, quickly changing it. Changing your image may include changing your haircut or color, clothing style, or updating your entire wardrobe. Moreover, if changes occur in beauty salon, this will be an additional pleasant pastime for the girl.
- Going in for sports - visiting the gym or doing a little exercise at home will help improve your mood and get a boost of energy after parting with your loved one. This great way keep yourself in shape, which helps you feel confident and attract admiring glances from members of the opposite sex.
- Shopping therapy – the best remedy for women to fight depression and feelings after breaking up with a loved one. Updating your wardrobe always has a beneficial effect on a girl’s condition, helps her get through difficult times, improves her mood, helps keep her busy and takes her mind off suffering. When you go shopping with your girlfriends, you will not only buy new things, but also have fun.
- Going on a trip is a great chance to see the world, get unforgettable impressions and experience amazing emotions. During the trip, you will have the opportunity not only to enjoy the beauty of picturesque nature or architectural buildings, but also to think about important things. For example, analyze your actions, evaluate why your loved one fell out of love, whose fault it is and what should be changed so that mistakes are avoided in the future and other relationships do not end in separation.
- Starting a home renovation is a great opportunity to get distracted and radically change something in your life after breaking up with your loved one. Make a small redevelopment, change the furniture that brings back memories of your former loved one, this will allow you to create your own comfort zone.
- To meet new people. People need new acquaintances like oxygen to maintain life, develop, and gain new knowledge. Arrange a reception for new acquaintances at your home, relax and have a lot of fun, which will bring back your zest for life and get over the breakup.
- Take your mind off sad thoughts: visit exhibitions, museums or theaters. Visiting cultural places provides an opportunity to gain inspiration, get closer to culture and the world of beauty, and helps relieve feelings after parting with a loved one. This is a great chance for spiritual development and self-development, thanks to which you will not stand in one place, but will constantly develop.
- Read positive literature - a good book can change your worldview, get a charge of positive emotions and find inspiration for a happy future. Preference should be given to books on self-education, psychology or classics, which can make you reconsider your views on life, evaluate your actions and other people in a given period. Literature can help you make plans for the future and forget about your worries after parting with your loved one.
- Buy yourself a pet - taking care of someone will help you forget about the breakup and get over this trouble. There will no longer be a feeling of loneliness, because upon returning home you will be greeted by a cute cat or a funny dog that will brighten up your leisure time and help lift your spirits.
Surprisingly, now is the time for women who do not know how to break off the most difficult and unpromising relationships. For them the question “How to break up with the man you love?” equates to life failure. The situation is reaching the point of absurdity and tragedy. Let me remind you of a story that happened shortly before the New Year. Anastasia Ovchinnikova was killed by her common-law husband. More precisely, how she was killed. The man beat his partner for 5 hours, periodically stopping to take a photo and send it to his friends - they say, look how I keep the woman in line. They tell how he staged similar scenes for her several times before. The last time was right in the restaurant, from where he dragged her by the legs. Maxim Gribanov—that’s the freak’s name—is, of course, complete scum. But I have another question for the eyewitnesses - that is, is it normal when a person is humiliated and dragged by the legs in front of you? It is clear that, having learned from bitter experience, we do not interfere, but is it at least possible to call security or the police? Or have they completely sunk to the level of a chewing “redneck” who only wants bread and circuses, “kin” and popcorn? Didn't the neighbors hear how the woman was beaten for 5 hours? Oh, well, yes, one of them still couldn’t stand it and called the girl’s father. Father,...! Not to the police. When he arrived it was already too late - the beast beat the woman to such an extent that she died in the hospital 2 days later.
You probably think that Anastasia was a marginalized person, on the same level as her partner? That she drank and led an antisocial lifestyle. No, she’s very cute in the photo, even more so beautiful girl, quite intelligent in appearance. But you know what brings her down to this bastard's level? Before her death, she asked not to open a criminal case against him - because... she loved him very much.
How to painlessly part with your loved one
I don't even want to finish the previous paragraph. Women have lowered themselves to such a level that they tolerate everything - relationships with a married man, with a tyrant, with an abuser, with someone who beats and humiliates. Somewhere deep down in their souls they understand everything, but if they think about anything, it’s only about how to painlessly part with your loved one. But since this is impossible, they leave everything as it is. Some still manage to proudly declare (usually these are the all-forgiving wives of traitors) - “others leave such husbands because they don’t love them!” But we understand perfectly well that love for them is just a cover for their comfort zone and fear of taking a decisive step. There is no feminine wisdom in enduring something for the sake of the family or trying to change a scumbag. There is doom, but there is no wisdom. All I hear is: “I love him too much!” My dears, what you call love is something completely different. love addiction, fear of being alone or fear of suffering. But sometimes you need to be able to end a relationship and call it a day. I can’t and I don’t want to. Nobody says it will be easy - it won’t be! For everything in life we pay a price. And for freedom from the scoundrel too. Be patient, go to a psychologist, work on yourself - then it will become easier. And it’s impossible to sit on a hedgehog and not get pricked. Life is hard, stop burying your head in the sand in the hope that everything will somehow work itself out. It won't be decided. Or it will be solved as in the example from the beginning of the article.
I will not part with my beloved, I will die for love
However, moralizing is absolutely useless. It is useless to convince your friends what a deplorable situation they are in and that they need to do something. You will only become enemies. That’s why I always speak out against all sorts of courses, coaches, etc., who teach life. Only a psychologist who will work with your condition, and not tell you how to do it. Toxic relationships with such men are a consequence, but the reason lies much deeper and cannot simply be removed with calls to “stop putting up with it!” and “stop living with m...mi!” This reason is called “I will die for love!” It is based on incorrect upbringing and increased female emotionality.
I’ll say briefly about upbringing - while you instill in your daughters that family (husband and children) is the most important thing in a woman’s life, you are raising them to be potential slaves who will endure anything so as not to be left alone.
Regarding increased emotionality. It is known that most women are very emotional. Men too - but it’s easier for them. There are more opportunities to get adrenaline - extreme sports, cars, even just sports or physical activity. If it doesn’t help at all, they take a mistress and calmly marry him with his wife. It’s much more difficult for women with all this. Relationships are often the only place they can get this adrenaline. Plus films and all world literature help them. Poor Lisa, who drowned herself in a pond after learning about her lover's engagement. Elaine, "the lily maiden of Astolat, who died of great love"to the knight Lancelot. Marianne from the novel Sense and Sensibility, exclaiming “Die of love! What could be more beautiful! Do you think these are things of the past? No matter how it is! Sveta Svetikova said in an interview how at a tender age she dreamed of “suffering that makes your heart break.” That’s why we are not interested in good, responsible men - there is no adrenaline. And with scum, that’s what you need. Why is it impossible to break up with a married person or a tyrant - because there is such an emotional swing that a constant buzz is guaranteed. But the dose must be increased all the time, so insults are replaced by assault, followed by outright violence. But this is how it should be - until, before death, you confess your love to the murderer. One on one with a married man. First, unearthly love, and then the adrenaline rush of trying to figure out “you love me so much, why aren’t we together?” Wow!
How to break up with the man you love
To understand how to break up with the man you love, first of all, you need to realize that this is not love at all. Love is free, does not bring suffering and is ready to let go. You also need to learn how to properly direct the flow of your excess emotional energy. There are enough examples when a woman, carried away by extreme sports, found the strength to break off a toxic relationship.
Next, think about the one you supposedly love and that love for this person was mostly invented by you in order to fill the inner emptiness. This is in adolescence The myth that people love for no reason, just like that, is appropriate. As adults, we always love for something, but we prefer not to think about it because it's not romantic. We fall in love based on chemistry and subconscious images, but the formula of love in reality is very simple: “respect + sex.” Some people also add general views - but I consider this an addition, not a main one. Because whole individuals don’t really need this. If we feel passion for a person and at the same time respect him, then we love him. But in most failed relationships, we only have the first ingredient. We cannot respect a person who cheats on his wife, lies to us, betrays his children, and leaves his family. We cannot respect a rapist who raises his hand, a traitor who tramples your feelings and destroys a good relationship. We can continue to feel attracted to them - and even more and stronger, because pain and suffering are also emotions that increase our passion and sense of possessiveness. But respect? We forget about him, because... emotions from suffering fill us completely. So think about it - is it love without respect or just dependence and painful attachment.
But when you realize that this is not love, but you still cannot break off the relationship yourself, then go to a specialist. True, hardly many admit to themselves that there is no love - because then life will be completely meaningless. And so - sacrifices in the name of love. Oh! Make an appointment with a psychologist.
Probably everyone has experienced unpleasant moments in life of parting with a loved one. It doesn’t matter who left whom, both of them still feel empty. After all, romantic dates began so beautifully, the relationship developed rapidly, it seemed that it would always be like this. But the end came unexpectedly, leaving sadness and longing for past love. Parting seems to be the only thing the right decision, but where to get the strength to overcome the moment of explanation?
Prerequisites for separation
Time passes, for some, separation occurs at the initial stage of the relationship, for others after a long time, but the prerequisites for such a step are most often the same for everyone. At first there are minor quarrels and misunderstandings, small conflicts that develop into violent scandals. Irritation, coldness and indifference are increasingly evident in relationships. There comes a moment when one of the couple or both understand that this is the end and nothing can be glued together. Parting is the only way out. The ideal option is when both unanimously came to this decision. In this case, psychological losses are minimized. But if you are the initiator, then there is always time and opportunity to weigh the pros and cons and prepare the ground for a correct separation.
The decision must be firm, without hesitation. It is better to repeatedly analyze all the moments of your relationship and the personal qualities of your loved one, since such decisions should not be made spontaneously. If a breakup is inevitable, choose a convenient moment and try to devote enough time to the conversation. An unsuccessful solution would be your silent disappearance. Such an act is regarded differently; there is a possibility that the partner will do everything to search. It is important that the conversation takes place in person and not over the telephone. There are serious explanations to be made, the reasons should be stated in such a way that after the separation there are no omissions left, and the abandoned person does not feel deceived.
Having made your final decision, do not reassure your partner by saying that you will take a break from the relationship, and do not hint at a possible future together later. Some people are overly emotional, and empty expectations end sadly.
Avoid direct reproaches and accusations, especially humiliation. Most often, both parties are to blame for a broken relationship. Maybe your partner simply did not turn out to be the expected ideal that your imagination pictured him at first. The conversation should proceed calmly, without a raised tone or coldness, in order to avoid stormy scenes.
Explain the reason for the breakup, which must be valid, even if it is not true. Thank you for the pleasant moments during your meetings without going into details. Offer to remain friends if possible. There are enough such examples when people have reached mutual understanding and maintain friendly relations, in some cases even as families.
The situation may be the opposite - they left you. It seems that life has stopped, a constant feeling of loneliness does not leave, frustration and resentment overwhelm. Occasionally the thought pops up that you need to overcome everything and start over. This is what we should focus on.
There can be many reasons for separation - the initiator is one of the partners or they came to this decision together. The mental wound remains in both one half and the other. Similar situations of friends and acquaintances will give a hint on how best to separate, but the advice of a family psychologist should not be rejected.
A mutual decision is the most favorable option. Passion and love passed away as you got to know each other day by day. The desire to be the best for your partner has disappeared. The relationship has become routine and there is no point in continuing it. In this case, there is a chance of a return, maybe the monotony is to blame, and you were in a hurry. Try to recall pleasant moments that gave you both pleasure. If resuscitation is not possible, then the decision to separate will not cause any particular harm to anyone, but it is important to maintain respect and dignity. Break up calmly, without hysterics or scandal, leaving behind good memories of yourself and your past relationships.
The initiator of the separation is usually in a more advantageous position. Think about where to start and how to notify your partner so that the explanations are painless for him, and therefore for you. Avoid significant dates for a moment of unpleasant conversation and harsh phrases. The best place to announce a separation is at home; try to resolve everything in one meeting, excluding the possibility of subsequent showdowns.
The most unpleasant option is the initiative of the opposite half. A statement from a loved one that you can no longer be together. Your feelings, hopes for the future, devotion are trampled at one moment and, as it seems to you, humiliated. The state of emptiness cannot be conveyed. And the situation is even worse when the initiator is someone else. What to do, how to survive?
In first place, oddly enough, are tears. An excellent remedy for healing (according to psychologists), healing wounds. Internal pain destroys from the inside, and when it is poured out, it splashes out negative emotions and, as a result, weakens.
Don't waste your own energy on suffering. Direct it in a more pleasant and useful direction for you. Become active in your personal and work affairs. Show kindness to those in need (parents, neighbors, friends). This will make you feel useful and needed.
Psychologists assure that a huge role for recovery psychological state will play dramatic changes in a person’s appearance and external environment. New hairstyle, changing the image in clothes, updating the interior of the apartment, any experiment will make you feel like a different person and will give a powerful impetus to the beginning of a new life.
- Do something. Active actions quite often help a person out in moments of seeming hopelessness. Work helps you shift your attention to your immediate responsibilities, distract yourself from personal problems, and leaves no time for worries, at least for some period of time. An alternative would be studying, an exciting hobby. Take your free time.
- Some people treat stress with sports. Along with the expended energy, negative emotions go away, which can destroy you in moments of despondency.
- Get rid of things that remind you of your loved one. Hide it if you don’t dare throw it away, joint photos, gifts from him (her) until the pain subsides.
- Do not go to places where you can meet, and do not arrange “random” meetings. Such moments will only worsen your state of mind. This applies to sad love songs and romantic films. Don't artificially tickle your nerves.
- Try to take the positives out of the current situation, look for the positive. Previously, there was not enough time for personal matters, they paid too much attention to their significant other, but now there is an opportunity to take care of themselves. Take advantage of this chance.
- There is no need to invent ways of revenge. Sometimes, after parting, the one who was left tries to do the same in relation to the other chosen one (chosen one). Just think first that another person will experience experiences similar to yours, and it won’t make you feel any better.
If you were left in preference to someone else, don’t blame yourself, don’t look for shortcomings in yourself, don’t create illusions. Physically and mentally let go of your ex-lover or loved one who left you and continue to live on, striving for new acquaintances and relationships. The experience gained may even come in handy.
Emotional experiences, pain, tears after parting with a loved one. Everything passes, a little time and reasonable decisions will help overcome stress. And the belief that the end of one relationship is the beginning of life from scratch is obligatory.
Video: how to survive a breakup with a loved one
How to forget the man you love? The one who was dear and is still dear now, but suddenly - cold nights, silent evenings and the decision, yours or his, that everything needs to end. We must forget everything. But how? How break up with the man you love? How to leave someone you love?
But the decision has been made, by you or for you, and you will have to go through a difficult path to yourself. The path through your loneliness to your new life. New in all respects, because it will no longer be the way it was before. And what will happen in the future depends only on you... And this is an advantage of the difficult situation of parting with your loved one: Your life is in your hands!
Do you want it to become brighter, fuller and most importantly not painful? Then let's go.
So how do leave the man you love How to break up and forget someone you still love?
In these questions that my clients ask, there are usually many different other questions. Because the reasons for separation may be different. Beloved fell in love with another; a man loves ex-wife and doesn’t want to end that relationship. Or beloved man is married, and it is no longer possible for you to experience this unsolvable situation. And you decided to leave. There could be many different reasons. In general, the reason is not so important now, but what is important is how to survive a breakup and forget the man you love, husband, boyfriend.
I have already written some specific tips in the article. Now let’s take a closer look at how a woman feels during a breakup and how to help herself get out of this state.
- Choose positive emotions
Since women are driven mostly by emotions, and this is their beauty, you must try to choose positive emotions and only those situations that will support you. Choosing positive emotions is especially important for you now in order to survive these temporary difficulties. And leave yourself an invaluable experience that you can use for later.
- Don't blame yourself, it happens!
Very often in such situations, a woman views herself as and, if she does not attack her ex, his environment and his choice, then she goes inside, into herself. And the endless search for an answer, introspection begins: " What is wrong with me?" The feeling of guilt and the feeling of being in a sacrificial position, with all that it entails, is very destructive and can alienate others from oneself. You need to feel sorry for yourself not for him and not because of him, but for yourself. In such situation you need to do something for yourself. Very often the answer to the question: “what and why?” is simple: “it happens.” Unfortunately, we cannot influence all situations in our lives and control everything. And even more so to influence the feelings and desires of others, even people very close to us. Don't look for the reason in yourself. It happens and you have nothing to do with it!
- Become an adult, self-caring woman who wants to change.
After a sudden or planned breakup with a loved one, a woman finds herself in a state of helplessness on an emotional level. This condition is very similar to the condition of a small child. Such Small child does not affect anything and cannot do anything about the situation in which it finds itself.
That's why I say save yourself from this situation, Only an adult who wants to change, who cares about herself and her emotions, can help herself.
But where can you get it when emotions go off scale and your head stops thinking at all? Maybe try to remember how someone close was nearby in difficult situations. Not that one beloved man with whom you are breaking up. If you take time for yourself and find a place where no one will distract you and remember, then most likely you can remember how they supported you when you were little. And these may not be parents at all, although they too. Any person who was once kind to you will approach you. Remember how he helped, how he was there. And whenever these difficult experiences come, shift your attention to another memory.
I remember one of my clients. For her, memories of her former beloved man were a supporting resource in her not very successful life today. family life. She did not compare that relationship with the one she now has with her current husband. They supported her when she was having a hard time. She remembered how valuable she was some time ago. And she no longer considered herself as once abandoned. She understood what she was missing in her relationship with her husband and already wanted to change it. During our collaboration those long-standing past relationships gave her the opportunity to rely on herself, to check with herself, what she should do now, in a difficult current situation. In those “former, long-ended relationships,” my client learned to feel and distinguish for herself what it means to a man. How this can be, and what is missing now. And what is too much?
Perhaps if she had “got over the illness”, that situation of parting with her beloved man “correctly”, then there would not have been difficulties and difficulties now with her beloved husband.
Lived and considered experience is invaluable knowledge.
- Keep a diary
It is possible and important to write about your experiences. Keep a “breakup diary” or a “new life diary”, whatever you want to call it. Who knows, maybe you'll publish it someday. The main thing is to write everything that comes to mind. For what? To stop mental chewing, endless radio. So that it is not in the head, but on paper.
There, outline a plan for yourself - a plan for a new life. Carefully write down each new day in your diary. And where there was time spent together with your former loved one, take it with yourself. Any action for yourself. Take care of yourself. There is no point in going to places of "military glory" once again upset yourself.
Write down the week, month, year. Dream your own new life without him - and on the road!
Think about when you go on vacation. Write down the exact date and place where you want to go. Explore and create your own route. You are now free to think and choose how to act as you want. Where will you spend your time? How? Rather, it could be a vacation - a trip so that there is no time to think. Don't hurt yourself with memories of to a man who doesn't want to love, love you. About your ex, who, for reasons known only to him, created this situation. Or it was created by both of you, it doesn’t matter anymore. Don't give him any more time. Don't fill yourself with memories of him. They are so yours. And they will stay with you. And then it’s your choice how you treat them.
- And of course, surround yourself with loved ones.
People who can sincerely give you as much warmth as you need. We must have this opportunity and use it when everything happened. It's quite difficult at first. Determine for yourself how difficult it is for you? A week, a month... a life?
And then you need to learn to be difficult with it and live breathing deeply. This is your life!
And if suddenly there are no such people nearby, smile at a passerby on the street. Don't sit at home, don't withdraw into yourself. It often happens that complete strangers can give you more than you think. If you don’t know how to take, you need to learn. It's an exciting activity, I'll tell you. Every day, in different situations, discover new and completely unknown people
Of course, when the man says he doesn't love you that everything is over or cannot begin, his words become like thorns, making the whole body ache, “affecting” the mind and distorting reality and, as it often seems, freezing the heart.
Everything is so and not so at the same time, because if your decision has been made, and you are already asking yourself the question: " how to break up with the man you love, husband, boyfriend? ", this means all this pain will soon subside and pass. The main thing in all this is to believe in your own strengths and really want, since this has happened, to start all over again.
Your own strengths, your own resources, is when you you no longer believe, but you believe in myself myself!
Well, if you can’t forget your loved one, come to an appointment .
Sincerely, Your personal psychologist, Lidiya Gorkova
Every time we start a new relationship, we think it will be forever. On initial stage love and romance pushes two loving hearts to each other. But sometimes discord, quarrels, scandals, omissions, separate holidays and trips to clubs begin, which for the most part is the result of the desire to show who is in charge and to cause a feeling of jealousy. Often one of the couple ultimately does not withstand such a tough test and decides to separate from his loved one.
Of course, there can be many reasons that led to the desire to break off a relationship. But whatever they are, parting is sometimes the only right decision. How to say this so that both of you can start living with a clean slate, without a heavy feeling of pain in your soul. After all, the desire to break up is not always mutual; more often in a couple, one continues to love and hopes for the continuation of the relationship, trying to change something.
"Pros and cons"
The most important thing that is required of you is a clear understanding that you want to break up, completely and irrevocably. If you have doubts, it means you are not yet ready to take such a step. There are two ways of development: trying to revive the relationship is not an easy path, but joint problem solving often makes the relationship in a couple stronger; take a break - as a rule, this allows you to come to some kind of decision alone. Making a list of what you like in the relationship and what you don’t will help you convince yourself that your decision is correct. Try to be objective, and then see which column is larger. Circle the points that you cannot categorically accept (alcohol abuse, betrayal, rudeness, etc.) and after that make your final decision.
Breakup rules
- Don't start the conversation about the breakup with reproaches. Be that as it may, your partner will probably have something to answer you with, which could lead to a scandal, and this is not the outcome that is needed. Both are to blame for the current situation, and often the wrong behavior of one provokes bad attitude another.
- Try to speak in a calm tone, without offense or irritation. At the same time, firmness should be felt in the voice, without a hint of the possibility of maintaining the relationship.
- Name the main reason for the separation. It must be really compelling if it prompted you to come to such a serious decision.
- Be sure to thank the person for the happy moments experienced together. It is better to speak in general without going into details, otherwise positive memories will open up the prospect of renewing the relationship. And your other half, listening to speeches about happy moments, will not be able to understand why then break up, since everything is so good.
- In conclusion, offer to maintain friendly relations (if, of course, that is what you want), but there is no need to call in a friendly manner the very next day. It's better not to communicate for a while. It will be better for both. And if there was no respect at all in the relationship, which was one of the reasons that prompted you to such an outcome, you should not count on warm friendly relations in the future. It is unlikely that you will be able to remain friends and maintain communication.
How should you behave after a breakup?
- General photos, gifts and other things that remind you of your ex young man, it is better to put it in a separate place, hidden from your eyes.
- After telling your friends about the breakup, do not talk to them about your ex in the future.
- Parties with a lot of alcohol are not the best good option. At such moments, on the contrary, I feel the urge to call, talk to ex-boyfriend. At the same time, you will not look better light, and he certainly won’t regret the breakup after hearing slurred speech, or even take advantage of the situation to resume the relationship.
- Find interesting activity I like, for example, dancing. Try to spend more time in plain sight with your friends, who will certainly not allow you to miss your loved one. Courses are ideal foreign language. This will allow you to completely switch your brain and get distracted. If possible, take a vacation and go to the sea. A change of scenery will free your heart and soul, and eliminate the risk of random encounters with your ex-boyfriend.
- Don't show it at work, even if you feel really bad. On the contrary, put all your energy into business, take care of your career.
