Is it dangerous to fall in love with mature age? What is the risk? What good will this do?

Feelings of age do not have, therefore inYou can fall in love both at the age of 10 and at 50. And what is it like, love in adulthood: is it the same feeling as in youth, or is there a difference? What dangers await people who unexpectedly fall in love? And what is the difference between love, ripe as a ripe berry, and young love, like a spring flower?

Still dangerous for men, am I, a woman of “Balzac’s age”?

As long as children live with us, we, especially women, do not feel separate from them and do not feel lonely. But time moves steadily forward, children grow up, and we begin to notice: they actually already have their own lives. And when our children leave us, along with the feeling of freedom comes a feeling of loneliness.

Often in adulthood, women who remain single already remain in this status. Of course, for the most part they are not against meeting a worthy man, it’s just that finding your soulmate is already becoming unrealistic. In this age group, the search for a partner is very small.

But still, for active people who need to feel not a state of peace, but emotions, in order to feel that they are living, it is necessary to make efforts in this direction. And then something will definitely work out, but life will show what it is - maybe good, or maybe not so good.

Love is a push, not an old man's dream

In the so-called maturity, a person has seen everything in his life, as they say, he has profited. Therefore, there is no longer that sharpness or that excitement to embark on adventures. Does age matter? Maybe yes, only around us there are extinct young people, and there are old people with burning eyes.

When a mature person has enough energy for several young people, it is very possible for such people to fall in love at this age, just like at any other age. After all, none of us knows when this metamorphosis called love will happen. And when this happens, no matter how old it is, this nuclear reactor will still get hot!

If you love more than in your youth

In our youth, passion replaces love for us, it makes our heads spin, we close our eyes to many things, and we don’t notice little things. We are simply floating on the waves of surging feelings.

In maturity, we look at everything more calmly, more wisely, more intelligently. From a height of age, everything is seen more clearly, it is understood why stupid mistakes were made in youth.

People over 40 today are efficient and active men and women. And they love, no different from young people, simply with acquired experience, wisdom, restraint and secrecy. But it’s not that their feelings have dulled, it’s just that their life path has changed.

During this period of life, we accept a loved one with all his problems and shortcomings - tolerance appears, which was absent in youth. Only with age comes the realization that in love you need to be able to forgive.

Love gives passion to a hooligan in love

New love at this interesting age returns a person to the feeling of youth: he seems to be soaring in the skies and sees the world around him in bright colors. Everything around becomes more beautiful, and a feeling of joy lives in the soul. I want to forget about the past, constantly be close to my loved one, and walk hand in hand through life together.

There is a desire to start life anew, to leave behind loneliness and negative experiences, to get a relationship at an older age. But still, in addition to feelings, mature people need confidence in their partner; they want to have some kind of guarantee of the reliability of the relationship.

Based on the years they have lived, they realize that in addition to joy, there are certain obligations for a relationship in a couple. To maintain love, mutual respect andability to find compromises. Perhaps this is why older people rarely dare to look for a couple, because they understand that to love means to share both sadness and joy.

And this is in old age!

And if two mature people decide to unite their lives, then later marriages are more stable. Because people soberly evaluate their partner, know themselves better and can imagine their own reactions to some actions. In adulthood, there is motivation specifically to create a family.

And this means supporting each other in difficult moments, to help both in grief and in illness. And even, no matter how sad it is to mention it, watch a person pass away from life, gradually fading away.

Fear of love and relationships mature years also arises in cases where the chosen one has minor children. After all, when entering into such an alliance, you will have to take responsibility for them.

1.4 Interpersonal relationships in adulthood

Freud believed that human well-being is adult life determined by his ability to love and work. Most psychologists use other terms in their definitions, but the meaning of the latter remains unchanged.

The foundations of modern research in adult psychology were laid by E. Erikson. Central psychological moment in early adulthood (25–35) years, the establishment of intimacy, close personal connections with another person.

If a person has failed in intimate communication, then he may develop a feeling of isolation, the feeling that he cannot rely on anyone in the world except himself.

Erikson uses the term “intimacy” as multifaceted in meaning and scope. First of all, he refers to intimacy as the intimate feeling we feel towards spouses, friends, siblings, or other relatives. However, he also talks about intimacy itself, that is, the ability to “merge your identity with the identity of another person without fear that you are losing something about yourself” (20).

Adult development can be described in terms of three distinct systems that relate to different aspects of the self. These include the development of the personal self, the self as a family member (adult, child, spouse or parent), and the self as a worker.

These systems undergo changes both under the influence of various events and circumstances, and in interaction with the wider social environment and culture.

Development is a dynamic, bidirectional process that includes, as interacting elements, the individual's immediate environment, the social environment, as well as the values, laws and traditions of the culture in which the individual lives.

All of these interactions—and the personal changes that result from them—continue throughout life.

Conclusions: 1. Erikson believed that the development of intimacy is the most important achievement of early adulthood.

2. The inability to establish calm and trusting personal relationships leads to feelings of loneliness, social vacuum and isolation.

3. In order to be in a truly intimate relationship with another person, it is necessary that by this time the individual has a certain consciousness of what he is.

4. Intimacy is an integral part of a stable, satisfying emotional connection and is the basis of love.

1.5 Love

The sexual desire of a person as a biological being is determined by the instinct of procreation and the natural mechanism of sexual selection.

Modern research shows that nature has created in humans an attraction to a very specific type of individuals of the opposite sex. And this predestination operates at the genetic level. In other words, a person chooses a genetically suitable partner, or scientifically – genetically complementary.

Modern research allows us to hypothesize that the first stage of love is facilitated by the appearance of special molecules in the body, which are called PEA. The influence of this substance changes a person’s mood and attitude and contributes to the idealization of the object of a love relationship. Under the influence of PEA, the smell of a loved one, the sound of his voice, or a touch is enough for a person to feel strong arousal and experience pleasure. At the same time, communication with a loved one contributes to the production of this substance in the body. Therefore, when lovers for a long time do not have the opportunity to see each other, talk to each other, the amount of PEA in the body decreases, and this leads to negative experiences and a feeling of deep loss. That is why lovers, like drug addicts, crave conditions conducive to the production of PEA, and these are at the same time the conditions of a love relationship. Here, too, nature has laid down a universal mechanism—what the cell reacts to is part of its metabolism.

However, as the researchers note, the body adapts to the effects of PEA. And in order to keep love feelings, stronger doses of PEA are required each time. This can be achieved by improving relationship techniques. But eventually there comes a limit. After two to four years, the PEA expires. This is a critical period in a love relationship. romantic love does not live long, but this period is enough for people in love to give birth to a child. The action of PEA is enough for the child to survive the most difficult and difficult period of his development. It is interesting to note that according to statistics, a three- to four-year period life together ends with the first wave of divorces.

PEA is replaced by other hormones - serotonin and endorphin. Their action is much milder than PEA, but just as favorable for love relationships. Endorphin softens the perception of negative situations, contributes to the formation of stable positive emotional states, reduces pain, and has a beneficial effect on immune system, promotes sexual relationships. Unfortunately, like PEA, endorphin breaks down in a fairly short time. And for new positive excitement, the brain requires new doses of endorphin, which are produced in the process of spiritual and physical relationships between lovers. The need for serotonin and endophrin is a natural stimulus for renewed love relationships.

Thus, nature has laid down a predisposition in a man’s attraction to a woman, which often manifests itself in irresistible passion. It can be said with a certain degree of confidence that lovers are created for each other by nature.

In the development of one person’s love for another, a certain periodization is observed. This process has become the subject of analysis by poets and writers. Stendhal gives an interesting description of love and its development. He identifies four types of love: love-passion, love-attraction, physical love, love-vanity and presents the genesis of love as follows: admiration; pleasure; hope; origin; first crystallization; doubt; second crystallization.

The first stage - admiration for a person of the opposite sex is difficult to accurately describe. “Love is like a fever, it is born and languishes without the slightest participation of the will” (16, p. 21). It can only be noted that the state of admiration depends on the general state in which a person is, on his previous experience and on the behavior of the object of admiration. Love arises when a person begins to imagine the possible pleasures that he could receive from the object of admiration. Already at this stage, there is an idealization of the object of admiration and, possibly, the formation of the hope that the object of admiration will reciprocate. The combination of admiration with the idea of ​​possible pleasure and possible reciprocal feelings gives rise to love.

The idea of ​​possible pleasure turns into pleasure when a person sees, touches, feels with all the senses and as close as possible the creature that he loves and who loves him (16, p. 14). In this state, active idealization of the object of love begins (primary crystallization). The object of love is endowed with various virtues.

If at this stage there is intimacy, the process of idealization of a partner may stop or stop for a while, but new joys of love and new qualities appear in a loved one. If the object of admiration does not reciprocate, then a period of doubt sets in. A person may make an attempt to give up the object of admiration, but in doing so may find that other joys of life have disappeared. There comes a period of second idealization, combined with the desire to convince oneself, to prove that the object of admiration reciprocates. Each woman differs not only in external beauty, the beauty of the body, but also in character traits. This is the answer to the question: “Why does a man choose not the most beautiful?” He chooses according to his character, he looks for her soul in a woman.

Comprehending in love the beauty of not only the body, but also the soul, a person becomes spiritual. In love, each gives himself to another and through this is revealed in all his might, in all his spiritual strength. In love, a person expresses his moral content. The moral law requires that one forget oneself in another. Love gives itself to another. Love is the most intimate point of connection between nature and reason (21).

In the sacrifice of love is the source of the origin of tenderness, feelings and relationships. Love is nature and reason in their original union, i.e. natural attraction and reason, attraction and morality. It can be said that only where there is a disposition towards morality, natural attraction manifests itself in the form of love.

Love transforms not only the image of the beloved, but also the lover himself. Here we again recall Plato, who wrote that everyone whom Eros touches becomes braver, fairer, more skillful.

Conclusions: 1. Love develops on the basis of biological prerequisites, rising to spiritual heights, when it spiritualizes a person's behavior, changes him, enhances his abilities, promotes creative achievements.

2. The development of love depends on condition and experience.

3. The development of love is accompanied by the active work of the mind and imagination.

4. Love contributes to the emergence of virtue and spiritualizes a person.

5. Love is "an expression of intimacy between two people, provided that the integrity of both is maintained."

2.1 Family cycle

Families have a predictable life cycle characterized by a series of important events or stages. The first event in this cycle is the formation parental family. Separation from the parents' family can occur at the time of marriage or earlier if a person has made a choice in favor of independence - decided to live alone or with some group of people. The second important event is, as a rule, marriage, with all the adaptation nuances that accompany it: establishing relationships with a new person and new relatives.

The most typical third event is the birth of the first child and the beginning of parenthood. This event is sometimes called the formation of one's own family, or the transition to parenthood. There are other important events in the life cycle of a family: the entry of the first child into school, the birth of the last child, the departure of the last child from the family, and the death of one of the spouses. In an extended family, which also includes immediate relatives, several such cycles can interact, ensuring the repetition of the event and thereby reducing the adaptive difficulties of each family member.

Over the past 50–100 years, family cycles have changed both in the time structure of their events and in their nature. Not only are people living longer than ever before, but the age at which they reach various degrees family cycle, and the average time between the occurrence of various events in family life. Thus, the period of time between the departure of the last child from home and the retirement of the parents or their death increases, and the duration of this post-parental period steadily continues.

Research hypothesis During practical work analysis was carried out psychological state men and women during a midlife crisis. The purpose of the work was to show that the characteristics of their psychological state correspond to the crisis situation characteristic of given age and identify gender characteristics of the crisis. Work objectives: Based on Sheehy’s 4 crisis criteria...

This problem from all sides: emotional, career, male, female, pharmaceutical, psychoanalytic, physiological, philosophical. The answers of my “foreign friends” began with the words: “My midlife crisis came and consisted of this.” That is, it definitely came and was definitely concluded, but how could it be otherwise! Czech Republic. Resort Luhacovice. Art therapy workshop "Theory and...

They called it “acme”, which meant the pinnacle, the highest degree of something, the moment of greatest flowering of the human personality. Chapter II. Study of the dependence of changes in cognitive abilities in middle age on specifics professional activity We conducted a study of 15 middle-aged people, the purpose of which was to study the dependence of the level of cognitive abilities in...

He can justify it in different ways. For example, he may reproach himself for not doing enough good care or little attention to the deceased parent, etc. The occurrence of a serious psychosomatic illness becomes possible. 5. Age-related crises of adulthood crisis of thirty years In the middle of the period of early adulthood (about thirty years old), a person experiences a crisis state, a certain turning point in...

For some reason it is believed that real love mostly happens at a young age, because there are no poems or songs about late love. Maybe falling in love at 60 is indecent? And if this happens to someone, is it only to those who are “out of their minds”? Psychologist Arina Krupenina categorically disagrees with this assumption and provides convincing arguments to prove that she is right: love is possible at any age. Another question is that in the later years she is most often unhappy.

"Empty Nest"

When student children leave to study and then work, spouses are faced with the question of how to fill the resulting void.

If they have something in common, the period of life restructuring ends for the family without loss. But if they were together only for the sake of the children, an impulse arises: the task is completed, you can be free. And then comes late love.

The other side of this coin is the problem. In adulthood, the question of who to be with – a new love or a spouse – becomes especially acute. Consistency in habits and in everyday life, as well as a reluctance to lose or share the material wealth acquired together, are reflected. There is pressure from both the spouse, for whom this marriage remains the last hope, and the children.

As a result, the person returns to the family, acutely experiencing both the need and the need to be with the unloved for the rest of his days.

The path is clear

It would seem that what prevents people who have long been divorced or widowed from falling in love?

But some people refuse the very idea of ​​love, citing: “Why do I need problems in my old age?” Others say: "A man like mine ex-husband or my wife, I won’t meet you again!”

Late love comes only to those who are not traumatized by marriage and do not idealize their past partner.

However, this is often not love, but a convenient union of two people. You can often observe mature, newly created couples: a man who is used to having sex, and a woman who does not tolerate loneliness. Although there are pleasant exceptions.

Cure for old age

Late maturity and old age are the time when a person analyzes his own place in life and sums it up. Recognizing the inevitability of death, he subconsciously tries to distance himself from the horror associated with it. Sex takes on a special, almost mystical meaning in this process. Sexual attraction at this age is not nonsense at all, but the right path to physical well-being and preservation of youthful spirit. It gives prospects for the future, filling life with meaning.

Thus, love that comes to a person in maturity is perceived not only as late, but also as the last. That is why I so want to preserve it, care for it and take care of it, treating it with care, like a flower.

If you, and your parents or even grandparents, are experiencing this feeling, be delicate and do not trample the tender sprout.

Inside every person there is an invisible struggle between the desire for peace, which is very close to loneliness, and the desire to have a family, which entails constant responsibilities and worries, and at such a moment we only dream of peace, especially women.
We never feel lonely as long as our children are with us.
When a woman is left alone with small children, she feels unprotected, I immediately remember the moment at the end of the first episode of the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears” - the main character raised her daughter alone, studied, worked and cried into her pillow at night - such a familiar story for many women .

Over time, the children grow up and become virtually independent individuals, the woman develops a feeling of freedom and at the same time a feeling of loneliness: the main character of the film, leaving her married lover, buys herself flowers...
In adulthood, women who remain single already remain so , and not because they don’t want love again, everyone always wants love, but there is no longer confidence that it is possible to actually meet your soulmate, but all because the search circle is narrowing to an ugly small size.
According to statistics, in Russia, during the so-called period of maturity, for every 10 women there are only 8 men.
And if you take away married people, alcoholics and non-social objects, then the numbers tell us that in any case, many women simply cannot find a partner, because there is simply no one.

One way out is to look for a partner in a different age group.

You may be lucky, but as always and everywhere, approximately 80% of 100 will be unsuccessful choices, since the difference between generations in the perception of themselves and the world around them exists and leads to misunderstanding of each other.

The second option is to look for a partner abroad.

In many countries, the ratio of men and women is radically opposite.
Especially in China and India. Due to the desire of parents at any cost to have the first child in the family - a boy (birth rate restrictions in China by the state), in India (difficulty in marrying off a daughter if there is no dowry), lead to the fact that in these countries there is already a catastrophic shortage of women half of humanity, and many men of these nations seek to move to other countries not only because of work, but also because of the lack of female sex.
In Italy, there is also disharmony, so many Italians are ready to date Russian women. And many find their happiness.
In such circumstances, the main thing on the woman’s part is the desire to learn the language of the country where the potential partner lives and gain the necessary knowledge of the mentality of the nation and understand whether she can accept them with both soul and body.
Since ignorance of both most often leads to catastrophic consequences.

Of course, everyone is looking for partners older than their age.

Interestingly, women perceive the difference in age in any direction more calmly than men. Men, if they are younger, can complex because of this, for example, in front of their friends (though not all of them), or vice versa, they can be jealous of a woman “to every pillar”, if the man is much older.
Women, calmly referring to the age difference, are more likely to get into trouble about this, so to speak. Many men seek, with the help of their beautiful and kind nature, to slip through their unsuccessful segments of life, not at all planning long-term relationships with them, but at the same time constantly repeating that they only have serious intentions ...

And again the question arises: is it possible to meet your soul mate in adulthood? There is no clear answer.
For those who love adventure and stress and thus feel that they must make some effort in this direction, and something must definitely work out, maybe good, maybe not very ...
Those who believe that only God (the Universe) is in control of their fate, you just need to make a wish and let it go free ... and you will succeed, but it will work only when you really need it.))

You are interested in other articles about the relationship between a man and a woman, such as:

Use the search on the site, look at more articles, sections, site map, ask questions in the comments, tell your story!))

Discussion on the topic: what to wear on a first date. Many girls before the first date think about whether it will continue. And indeed, not always

No matter what anyone says about meeting with their past love or youth passion, one thing is clear, meeting with a past love is always a test.

13.11.2018

The advantage of love in adulthood is that each partner knows well what he wants and what he can offer.

at first glance, it is no different from relationships in any other period of life. But for those who experience it, it is the culmination of life, new meeting with your other half.

The most interesting thing is that she comes when no one is expecting her. Many people at this age have experienced the collapse of their previous relationships, and often people come to the decision to “lock up their hearts” so as not to suffer anymore.

But a chance meeting, a casual conversation, a cup of coffee gradually connects two worlds, two universes.

We invite you to dive into this topic today and talk about mature love.

Love in adulthood: more peace, more wisdom

Let us first note one important aspect: it means several decades of lived years.

However, the maturity of the soul, mind and heart It’s not the years lived that determines it, but the experience gained, the ability to think soberly and make wise decisions.

Some people even in their sixties behave with the irresponsibility and immaturity of a teenager. Others enter adulthood with a sense of inner balance. They accept everything they have done and take responsibility for it.

They look to the future with confidence, optimism and still want to do and experience.

Two souls, each with their own experience

We have all experienced, appreciated and lost a lot. When starting new ones, we shouldn’t forget everything we’ve experienced before, and cross out from our lives all the connections we had in the past.

• Memory does not forget, memory transforms and integrates.

Therefore, love in adulthood is often expressed in relationships characterized by completeness and sophistication. Partners accept their entire past, this helps them understand what they want in the present and what they are not going to tolerate.

• Both partners have experienced their triumphs and ups, losses and disappointments in the past. They came to understand that partners should not agree on everything with each other, but should respect differences.
• Each of the partners has their own “baggage”, their own history, and it is better not to “hide” them, but to discuss them with frankness of people who understand each other and respect the partner’s past.

Enjoy the present to its fullest

They may not be 20 years old anymore, but they are not trying to regain their youth. People who have found their happiness in adulthood know and understand what it is best time their lives, they are not nostalgic for the past and do not fear the future.

• It’s wonderful to enjoy the present when there is love that illuminates everything around, which gives fullness of feelings and experiences.
• It’s as if we found what we always dreamed of, and that’s why we live full life, "Here and now". And all this, of course, increases our...

Love in our "size"

When maturity comes, we have several “cycles” behind us: we were married, divorced, raised children... Having gone through all this, we already know well what we want.

Age and experience also give us greater peace of mind; we relate more easily to the various “little things in life.” Everything we experience strengthens us in one way or another, which gives relationships in adulthood additional advantages.

Eternal youth is expressed in the ability to love

Youth of soul and heart must be constantly maintained; For this it is important to love ourselves.

• If we find love in adulthood, this “injection” will fill our lives with new meaning, passion, desires, projects and amazing emotions.
• Love has no age, no race, no color. The image of two lovers who begin their journey through life together is universal.

We all have this magical “switch” (or rather, “on”) called passion and love.

This magical thing that we come across by chance and that is worth fighting for every day.