Have you been biting your nails since childhood? Or do you automatically build bottles on a mother-in-law's dressing table along a ruler? Do not let the wound heal, scratch it all the time? But all these habits are signals of our subconscious.

By learning to recognize their hidden causes and meanings, you can understand how a person relates to himself and others, that he does not want to show the world, and even that which he does not know about himself.

That is why we decided to find out what our bad habits actually say.

Nail biting or school neurosis

There is a whole galaxy of so-called "school" neuroses or neuroses of obsessive movements, usually acquired in childhood - biting nails, caps, pencils, pens.

According to psychologists, the habit of biting nails testifies to internal anxiety, to unconscious tension. Trying to resolve the internal conflict, the "rodent" translates it into the external, physical plane - it literally gnaws at itself.

As a rule, this habit is associated with a lack of self-love, with low self-esteem. Biting his nails and making his hands disgusting, a person unknowingly punishes himself for not being worthy of love.

From the point of view of psychoanalysis, any elongated elongated object (be it a pen or finger) is a phallic symbol for our unconscious.

The habit of sucking, biting something like that is an unconscious way to get oral pleasure. Perhaps this indicates a significant concentration on erotic pleasures.

The habit of managing stress through smoking

Psychologists are unanimous in their opinion: talking about physiology is nothing more than an attempt to justify an unwillingness to abandon a harmful addiction. Smoking is strongly associated with rest, it gives the illusion of relaxation, plays the role of some psychological “painkillers”.

Compensating for the sucking reflex, the smoker feels peace and pacification of the baby sucking on the mother’s breast, thereby satisfying the need for love and food.

Many claim that they smoke in order to concentrate, believing that smoking helps to concentrate. The establishment of social ties makes it easier for someone to smoke - it’s easier in a smoking room to start a conversation about anything than in an office corridor.

Whatever the reason underlying the emotional dependence on a cigarette, in order to quit smoking, you need to get rid of it by finding other ways to concentrate, relax or communicate with others.

Uncontrolled Eating Habit - Overeating

According to the degree of prevalence, nutritional dependencies are firmly in the first place, ahead of drug addiction and alcoholism. We eat without feeling the taste and smell of food until it becomes bad and the belt crashes into the sides.

As a result - a heavy sleep, digestive problems and kilograms gained, self-hatred and - as in an enchanted circle - the return of an uncontrolled desire to eat this hatred.

The reason for most bad habits is the desire for pleasure. Food is its strongest and most affordable source. Overeating, we make up for the lack of positive emotions, dull the reaction to stressful situations.

Many emotional eaters protect themselves from more mentally stronger people. In addition, in our subconscious mind there is a strong connection between food and sex: both are connected with the violation of the boundaries of our body and bring pleasure.

We often try to compensate for the lack of love with sex. And when we feel a lack of love and sex, we compensate for this with food.

The habit of biting lips and cheeks

People who have the habit of biting their lips and cheeks from the inside are familiar with the problem of stomatitis - the appearance of ulcers in the mouth. However, this problem is not the only one.

The mouth is a place through which we take in a huge amount of sensual pleasures associated with taste and eroticism. Unconsciously inflicting damage on himself in this zone, a person punishes himself for excessive internal orientation to these pleasures.

Often, such an obsessive action also means a desire for independence and autonomy from others. For example, an adult can no longer psychologically live with parents, but he does not have the opportunity to separate from them.

Finger crunching habit

According to the observations of doctors, men are more likely to crack joints of the fingers than women. Fans of crunching argue that such a habit helps them relieve stress, develop numb joints and relax hands.

But most often this habit speaks of internal self-doubt.

Fanatical love of order

They clean up wherever they go, no matter how appropriate. This habit speaks of a person’s compulsive craving for perfection, which makes it difficult to feel comfortable, if someone suddenly put the glass on a par with the rest.

If you constantly tear off labels from everywhere (from packages with shampoos, jars, bottles) - this also indicates your perfectionism. A clean and smooth surface looks more perfect.

A fixation on the topic of order in psychology is called “accentuation” and even has a Freudian explanation. People who were accustomed to the potty in childhood, resorting to tough command methods, cannot stand the slightest disturbance in order throughout their lives, rub, clean and put everything in line.

This is a character trait, not a disease. However, it is worth considering this and not repeating the mistake of your parents when raising their own children. And also to realize that the world is not perfect, and this is normal.

The habit of scratching sores and acne

If the pimple or healing wound does not give you rest, there is an acute desire to pick them, then most likely, you need to take action with regard to restoring inner harmony.

This habit is akin to biting nails, and speaks of anxiety, anxiety and dissatisfaction. According to the research of Finnish psychologists, a person who has such a habit is trying in a similar way to punish himself for stupid or obscene thoughts.

This can be perceived as a symbolic reprisal with one's own aggressiveness. Such actions can be considered as auto-aggression (aggression directed against oneself) in order to attract attention to one's own person.

Habit of tearing paper

The habit of tearing paper expresses a person’s desire to realize his own aggression directed outward.

In the case when it is impossible to express one’s own anger, irritation, displeasure directly to the “culprit”, a person chooses socially acceptable options for substitute actions.

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Even from school, chewing on caps and each time apologizing to a colleague, "grinding" her next pen? Or, maybe you can’t cope with the urge to restore order everywhere, and you automatically arrange cosmetic jars in equal rows on your friend’s dressing table, and then you meet her indignant look? Say what you like, but habit is really the second nature, and getting rid of another “I” that is interfering with normal life can be very difficult. However, before you get rid of something, you need to understand the reasons for its appearance, says psychologist Oksana Alberti.

Every day we repeat the same action, sometimes without realizing this report. Often we stumble upon the disapproval of others, quarrel with loved ones if the habits are completely harmful, for example, smoking or a passion for alcoholic beverages. But this is surprising: no matter how we try to get rid of them, habits do not go anywhere. In addition to spoiled relations with relatives and friends, we also get internal discomfort that prevents us from living.   “Most habits are signals from our subconscious. If you can read them, you can understand about a person even that which he does not understand about himself. You can also understand that he knows about himself, how he lived and lives, how he built himself. For this you need desire, attention and a little knowledge. ”   - tells the psychologist. That is why we took up a very interesting but difficult task - to find out what these or other bad habits say about us.

Habit of biting nails

Is it worth saying that a person with biting nails looks repulsive? For many men, neat female fingers are a fetish, and therefore you should not count on increased attention to your person, if instead of nails you only have something remotely resembling them. “The habit of biting your nails speaks of internal tension, of unconscious anxiety. As a rule, it is associated with low self-esteem, a lack of self-love. In addition, nibbling our hands and making them ugly, we unconsciously punish ourselves for not being worthy of love, ”   - the expert comments.

Habit of gnawing a pen cap

Firstly, every time you bring the pen to your mouth, remember that it can be dirty, and then your problems will begin not only on the psychological, but also on the physiological level. And secondly, such a habit will probably negatively affect your reputation at work. Oksana Alberti is sure that a person gnawing a pen is perceived by others as an unbalanced type: “This habit speaks of internal anxiety and tension of its owner. And yet: as you know, any elongated elongated object in our unconscious is a phallic symbol. The habit of constantly sucking or nibbling something like that is an unconscious way to enjoy through the mouth (oral). This may indicate a high degree of subconscious concentration on erotic pleasures. "

The habit of dirtying the cap of the pen will probably negatively affect your reputation at work.

Smoking and addiction to alcohol

According to the psychologist, the role of physiological dependence in this case is very exaggerated, and talking about physiology is just a way to justify one’s own unwillingness to refuse a harmful addiction: “Smoking and alcohol give us additional pleasure, give a feeling of an influx of energy, sway feelings. They also play the role of some psychological« painkillers» . Often people who engage in active intellectual activity smoke - they need this in order to slow down an active working consciousness. ”

Habit of overeating

Unfortunately, some people cannot stop in time not only with alcohol, but also with food. They eat until the button on the jeans flies off with a bang and until they feel sick. As a result - overweight, dissatisfaction with oneself and uncontrolled desire to seize the grief that she created for herself. “The root of most of our bad habits is the desire for extra pleasure. Food is a great pleasure. In addition, in our subconscious, food and sex are very similar in feelings. When we lack love, we try to compensate for it with sex. When there is not enough love and sex, we compensate for food ”,   - explains Oksana Alberti.

Fanatical love of order

Such people are called purebloods - they always restore order, and even where they are not asked about it. This is sometimes really annoying to others, because such behavior takes the form of mania, and not a healthy craving for cleanliness. “This habit speaks of a person’s craving for an ideal, and it can prevent you from feeling comfortable if someone violates your ideal order. The more you want to keep something perfect, the more often it will be violated, because the perfect in the world does not exist. And the stronger your desire, the more trauma for you will be a violation of this ideal. For example, you will constantly quarrel with those who shift things on your desktop and become simply unbearable for your colleagues, ”   - the expert comments.

The habit of asking again

Surely you sometimes ask the interlocutor for the end of the phrase, although you heard him perfectly. Many are interested in why this happens. Oksana Alberti answers: “Most likely, this refers to echolalia - an uncontrolled repetition of the last phrase heard. This phenomenon in adults can be a symptom of developing schizophrenia or other mental illnesses. In this case, it is better to consult a specialist. ”

The habit of picking something

If the healing wound, the nail polish, the pimple that has appeared and you definitely want to pick it out do not give you rest, then most likely you need to work to achieve inner harmony. “This habit is akin to nail biting - speaks of anxiety, dissatisfaction. Also about subconscious idealism - I want everything to be somehow perfect, but most importantly - not the way it is now. For example, you touch the dry nail polish - it is a subconscious desire for it to dry as quickly and quickly as possible to make you perfectly beautiful. The same with the sore—   it speaks of constant internal rush", The psychologist explains.

Finger crunching habit

According to the observations of Oksana Alberti, men are more likely to crack joints of the fingers than women. "This habit speaks of inner self-doubt," -adds a psychologist.

The habit of biting cheeks and lips

Those who constantly bite their cheeks from the inside and lips are familiar with the problem of the appearance of unpleasant sores in the mouth, but this is not the only difficulty, says the psychologist. “The mouth is a place through which we receive many sensual pleasures, not only from delicious food, but also erotic. Unconscious self-infliction of damage in the mouth is a punishment for excessive internal orientation to these pleasures. ”

The habit of tearing labels

Previously, those who constantly tear labels from everywhere (from packages with shampoo, jars of cream and various pickles) were said to lack sex, but Oksana Alberti had a different opinion on this matter: “And again we are talking about idealism and perfectionism. In our subconscious, a smooth and clean surface looks more perfect. "

Factum   I asked myself: why do we do strange things and what is behind such behavior?

1. Unwillingness to change toilet roll

In the list of difficult things that we have to do every day, replacing the finished roll of toilet paper will take last place.

But for some reason, it’s hard for many of us to complete this simple procedure. Why? According to psychologists, the reason is not our laziness, but the fact that replacing the roll does not offer us any internal reward for the effort.

Similar household chores, such as taking out the garbage or washing dishes, are almost as boring, and there is no particular motivation for them either, but they, at least, give us inner satisfaction, because after doing this work the house will stop stinking in it too rodents will not start.

Psychologists say that a truly motivating person's task should include three elements: competence, independence, and family ties.

Hard work must be complex enough for us to feel competent when we are done. We must also feel that we have some control over what we are doing. Plus, this work should give us the feeling that, by doing it, we are improving our relationships with loved ones.

2. The desire to bite cute things

Each time a child appears nearby, someone necessarily tells him (with a cutesy voice) that he will "eat him," "bite by the finger," or some other part of the body. Similar conversations also arise when puppies or something else are equally cute.

So where do we get this desire for a joke to eat cute things?   Scientists on this subject have two theories. The first is that the "wires" in our brain that are responsible for pleasure, at the moments of tenderness, "closes".

When people (and especially women) see a newborn baby, they get a dopamine rush that occurs, for example, when a person has eaten delicious food. This imposition of meanings on each other makes us a subconscious desire to put a cute thing in our mouths.

Another theory is that bites are a form of play that is seen in many mammals, and that this is a manifestation of our animal side. Many animals bite each other slightly and jokingly fight among themselves. It is not yet clear why they are doing this: to hone combat skills, to improve motor coordination, or just for fun.

3. Inappropriate laughter

Many of us tend to laugh at completely inappropriate moments - for example, when we see someone falling and hurt, or when we are transmitting bad news to someone.

And although we know very well   that there is nothing funny in the death of her grandmother, we are struggling to contain the attacks of laughter at her funeral. Laughter in such situations does not fit into social standards, but this happens quite often, and this has a reason.

When we laugh in a festive atmosphere, this does not mean that we are heartless, and do not respect others. This is probably a sign that our body, under the influence of enormous emotional stress, uses laughter to relieve tension and discomfort.

And the giggle that we make when someone falls or otherwise pains themselves is an evolutionary function that lets the tribe know that although a person may be embarrassed or slightly hurt, there is no good reason to be alarmed.

In general, laughter is rarely a reaction to something “legally funny”. Neurobiologist Sophie Scott says that laughter is most often used as a method of social unification in order to let people know that we like them, that we agree with them, or that we are in the same social group.

4. The charm of psychopaths

Many people are attracted to terrible things, especially psychopaths. The nightly TV shows are crowded with crazy killers, and for some reason we are interested in them. What causes our interest in the most vile type of people?

There are three theories to explain this obsession.   The first is that observing psychopaths allows us to temporarily leave our law-abiding life and imagine ourselves in the place of someone who thinks only of themselves and does nothing of what we do every day — for example, we don’t worry about justice or about the feelings of others.

The second theory says that psychopaths are a species of predators, and when we hear about them, it returns us to the basics of our existence, where there is always a hunter and a victim. Stories of predators in human guise allow us to touch our animal essence without a real threat to life.

The third theory comes down to the fact that psychopaths attract us for the same reason that we are attracted to roller coasters and horror films. Sometimes we just want to be scared, and stories about maniacs can fill this need. And all because fright causes a rush of neurotransmitter dopamine, which, among other things, is responsible for the feeling of pleasure.

5. Visibility Awareness

Many of us were probably in a situation where someone accidentally asks: "Hey, did you hear about such and such"? And we automatically answer: "Yes." Although if we had time to ponder the answer, we would understand that in fact we don’t even understand who we are being asked about.

In addition, some people pretend to be aware, although they don’t know anything about the subject under discussion. Scientists examined this psychological crutch and found that most people use it to express their personality and simply because it is so convenient.

Many of us do not have a clear idea of \u200b\u200bwhat we really know and what don’t, and therefore, when asked, we can unconsciously falsify our own knowledge.

Another, perhaps more obvious reason why people pretend to be aware is that they like to feel know-it-all. But why? Scientists say that our society glorifies knowledge, and being knowledgeable in some area is a plus to social status, especially if your parents were also know-it-alls.

6. Crying

Crying seems like a very common occurrence, and it never occurs to anyone to call it strange. But if we dwell on it in more detail, then what is happening - the salty water dripping from our eyes at some especially emotional moments - looks a bit bizarre.

How are eyes, emotions and tears related?   Psychologists say that crying is predominantly a social signal, evolutionarily associated with signals of danger.

Young animals may emit a specific distress signal to let other animals know that they need help. There is an assumption that crying arose as a way of a person to show his suffering, without issuing alarms that would make others alert.

From an evolutionary point of view, this may have been a sensible move, as it was enough for other members of the tribe to just look at the crybaby to understand that he was not in trouble. Interestingly, humans are the only species that emits emotional tears. Most other animals, as adults, stop making dangers.

7. Twitching when falling asleep

In 70% of people at the time of falling asleep, involuntary twitching of the limbs is observed. Unfortunately, scientists still do not know why these spasms occur, but they, of course, have certain assumptions.

Some researchers suggest   that these twitches are nothing more than random reactions that arise due to the fact that our nerves malfunction, passing from a state of wakefulness to a state of sleep.

This is because our bodies do not have switches that can be pressed before bedtime. Instead, we are gradually moving from a state where our reticular activating system (the one that regulates the basic physiological processes) is working in full force, to a state where the ventrolateral system begins to work (it causes drowsiness and affects sleep cycles).

We can be between these states, for example, when we really want to sleep, or we can start to fight, firmly positioning ourselves in one or another state. It is because of this struggle, as scientists believe, that there are failures in our “ignition system”, leading to twitches.

8. Gossip

Women are usually considered gossips, but men are no less guilty of this social misconduct. At least one study claims that men gossip during the day 32% more often than women. What is the reason for this?

The fact that most people have an innate desire to immediately get close to others. And this desire may well outweigh any moral obligations.

We want to form social ties with those nearby   and gossip not only gives us a reason to talk about something, but also creates a sense of trust that begins with a series of signals that the talker gives to his interlocutor.

The interlocutor, in turn, shares the proposed secret, and thus contact is established. And gossip gives us a sense of superiority, they can cheer us up and bring some animation to boring situations.

9. Love for sad films

Every day all sorts of nonsense happens to us, we are haunted by sorrows and failures, so it seems strange that some of us want to spend hours of leisure in even greater sadness. Despite this, we regularly sit down to watch melodramas.

It may seem paradoxical,   but the reason is that contemplation of tragedies actually makes us feel happier. Watching the tragedy on the screen makes people explore their own lives and look for the pros in them.

However, researchers point out that this reaction is somewhat different from the reaction of a person who watches a tragic movie and thinks: “Damn, at least I have not everything as bad as that guy.”

Such viewers have more selfish views, they are focused on themselves and not on others, and therefore do not feel happier after watching the movie.

In addition, watching melodramas or listening to sad stories makes you feel empathy and encourages our brain to release a special hormone that enhances our sense of care. Scientists call oxytocin a “moral molecule” because it makes us more generous and compassionate.

10. Awkward silence

Regardless of whether we have something to say or not, many of us feel a keen desire to fill in conversations every moment of silence. Why does the prolonged silence make us feel so awkward?

Like so much more in our behavior,   it all comes down to the desire to fit perfectly into a social group. According to psychologists, when the conversation stops flowing measuredly, we begin to think that something went wrong.

We can start to think that we are uninteresting, and what we say is irrelevant, and this makes us worry about our position in the group. If the dialogue proceeds as expected, we feel a confirmation of our social status.

However, far from all cultures, silence in a conversation is considered awkward. For example, in Japan, long pauses in conversation can be a sign of respect, especially if some serious issue is considered in the conversation.

Our child has a habit of painfully biting, and we are very worried about this.

Biting is at first just a game that is experimental in nature, because children don’t understand that it hurts someone. He had already bitten the teething ring, plunged his teeth into many soft toys, gnawed the fence of his crib, and did not hear a single complaint in response. But when a child first encounters a human reaction, it is often such that it encourages him to continue his actions in order to provoke a new reaction. He found his mother’s expression funny when he bit her shoulder, a frightened look and a playful “0y!” his bitten father was amused, and the words of his grandmother:

"How sweet, he bit me," he considered direct approval. Oddly enough, even the angry "0y!" or a severe reprimand can strengthen the habit of biting, because the child finds it funny and such a reaction or sees in it a challenge to his growing sense of independence. If you bite him in response, you can only aggravate the situation: this is not only cruel, but, in addition, such an act on your part will give the child reason to believe that such behavior is quite acceptable, as his parents demonstrate it. The best way is to calmly remove the child from the bitten place and strictly tell him: “You can’t bite.” Then quickly divert his attention in any way. Do this every time he bites you, and in the end he will understand what they want from him.

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