"Generators unusual ideas", "masters of the family nest" and "desperate friends" - this is all about them, the Arabs. They are also spoiled, boastful and unpredictable. Personal experience girls, but not wives.

Oksana L. has been dating a resident of Jordan for four years, who came to Kyiv to study and earn money, and tells how she and her friend manage to combine such different views of the East and West.

About friendship and personal boundaries
We always have guests at our house. At any moment, a friend or just an acquaintance can call and come to our home in the middle of the night. Naturally, as a woman, I need to set the table and make sure everyone is fed and happy. Sometimes the house resembles some kind of Arab camp, and not a family nest.

If a friend needs help, you need to rush to him in the middle of the night. Arabs are always ready to help out a friend, come where they need to, pick them up, lend money.

They are not jealous of friends. My friend is very jealous, but this only applies to our Slavic guys and men, although I don’t give a reason. He trusts his own people. In any case, his friends, understanding who we are to each other, never allowed themselves even harmless flirting.

About work
They prefer conversations to business - long conversations over hookahs. These are real philosophers who are ready to reason and plan for hours. Although this time could be spent on constructive actions rather than chatter, most of which will be forgotten the next day. Eastern men have this problem: their conversations often diverge from their actions. They promise a lot, and they themselves sincerely believe in what they say. Plans can change dramatically, or mood, or something else, and promises will remain just words.

Arab men need to be encouraged - this is how they become inspired and are ready to move mountains for the sake of their family. This applies, in particular, to work. It is important for them to feel that a woman believes in their strengths and capabilities.

Generators of unusual ideas. In the four years since I’ve known my man, he’s started all sorts of businesses. Cafe, transportation of dogs and birds from Ukraine, which are in demand in his homeland in Jordan, processing semi-precious stones etc. But he didn’t bring any ideas to completion. I didn’t initially calculate the risks, I acted based on momentary desires, passion and emotions.

Many people do not value their parents' money. Young people live and have fun at the expense of their parents and do not know the value of money earned not by their own labor.

Attitude towards women
Most Arabs are spoiled by their mother's attention, love care and are often selfish. They like to surround themselves with everything beautiful and are avid fashionistas. They love to dress up: beautiful clothes, shoes, an abundance of rings and bracelets. Favorite clients of barbershops: stylish beard, gelled hair, expensive perfumes.

They love to educate, and if they fail, they can use force. They put pressure on me morally. Very hot-tempered. Any little thing can piss them off. At the same time, their woman should admire them.

They love to brag about their woman to their friends - they tell them what a housewife she is, caring and a jack of all trades. It is important for them that others admire their woman, and therefore automatically admire them.

It is difficult to offer our men to live together - they are afraid for their freedom. Arab men, on the contrary, want the girl they like to be constantly in their sight. At home, nearby, close by. They are ready to protect and care for her, although they demand a lot in return.

Very generous. If possible, they give the woman gifts, they like broad gestures, and are not at all stingy.

They value independence in our women, the fact that a woman can take care of herself, earn money and not depend on a man as much as possible. In his homeland, women mostly stay at home and do housework.

There is a minus. Monogamy is not for Eastern men. How many times have I seen how families arab men They're after our girls. When my wife calls, they hang up or don’t pick up. And when they call back, they sing like a nightingale, as they love, and exquisitely lie about why they couldn’t answer. Treason is not considered as such for them. This is the norm in the life of an Eastern man.

About everyday life
My friend definitely won’t eat borscht for three days in a row, although he really loves my borscht. Arab men are very demanding and capricious in everyday life, like children, and are often dependent. If we talk about my man, he can clean and cook even better than me. But it is important for him to see that they care about him and do something for him.

I’m used to Russian cuisine, but my love for hummus and flatbreads remains unchanged.

Loves cleanliness, but not to the point of fanaticism. She understands that we both work a lot and come home very late, so we don’t always have the physical strength to clean and cook at night.

About children and family
My man is ready to coddle with every child, but I’m not sure that he will get up in the middle of the night for his own. This is the wife's responsibility. And the man pampers his child and pays attention to him during short games. All other delights of education fall on the shoulders of the woman.

When married to a Christian, there is no choice in what religion they choose. joint child- he is a priori born a Muslim. Especially if we are talking about a boy.

My man’s parents are wealthy and ready to support him, but he, having matured, when the youthful frenzy had passed and partying with friends was no longer a priority, wanted to prove to his family that he could get on his own feet.

About religion
I refused to convert to Islam, realizing that I would not be able to wear closed clothes, honor Muslim traditions and be in a “golden cage” at home. He didn’t swear, he accepted my choice. But it is very important for him that his woman shares her religion with him and his legal wife, in any case, must convert to Islam or be a Muslim initially.

Arabs know the Koran from an early age. They read it like mantras. But my man openly admits that, living among Russians and Ukrainians, he leads an anti-Muslim lifestyle.

His mother, when she came to visit us, brought a hijab as a gift with the hint that I should accept their religion since I live with her son.

A negative attitude towards alcohol remains, despite the love for discos (already in the past) and hookah smoking (this is part of traditions). He doesn't respect it when a woman drinks, even in company.

About future
After living with an Arab man, it’s strange to see how our women treat their Russian husbands. It’s crazy to see the disrespectful attitude and desire to be in charge at times. My views on what a woman should be like in a relationship with any man have changed.

I don’t know where this relationship will lead - Russian girls are more freedom-loving, ambitious and active. I wouldn’t like to be completely dependent on my husband.

But Arab men are like sweet nectar. You can’t get drunk, but even when you drink, it becomes too cloying that you want plain water. But after nectar it seems tasteless. I’m like a tightrope walker halfway: I can’t go back, but the unknown lies ahead...

Some time ago, the topic of Arab-Jewish marriages stirred up almost the entire Israeli society, spilling onto the pages of newspapers. And this despite the fact that at the center of the situation was the single story of the Jewish woman Morel Malki and the Arab Mahmoud Mansour, whose wedding took place in Rishon Lezion and caused two authorized demonstrations at once - in support and in condemnation.

Our newspaper has already written about this. But the topic of mixed marriages itself is not exhausted by that scandalous story. She has many layers. The problem, frankly speaking, is extremely sensitive for all Jews, and especially for Israelis, and therefore it makes sense to understand some of its features. For example, what are actual sizes social phenomenon in our country and not in our country, and how susceptible Russian-speaking repatriate girls are to the new trend - both Jews according to Halakha and non-Jews. This aspect was overlooked by the Israeli press. But in vain...

Ibrahim is looking for Lena

...This family secret of ours has been well known for a long time. Despite the fact that relations between the Russian-speaking and Arab communities in Israel remain quite tense, and it is people from “us” who periodically offer the most radical slogans for the liberation of their native country from the Arabs, there is an inexplicable phenomenon: for some reason Arab guys strive to marry new repatriates from former USSR. If we talk about the love of children different nations, it is not entirely clear why Israeli Arabs who want to marry Jewish women prefer newcomers to their Sabra compatriots - despite the fact that the latter often have not one, but two common languages. After all, Hebrew is studied very well in Arab schools, and in Jewish schools, at the very least, they teach Arabic...

...We wander between the shops of the Aliya wholesale market in Tel Aviv, at the very beginning of the endless Levinsky Street. I was brought here by my friend Chaim, the owner of a Russian store in Holon. I have been buying groceries from him almost since the moment I arrived in Israel, and he himself stopped at the market to look for some cheaper item. Chaim is a frequent visitor to this market; he knows very well what to look for in which shop. The owners of the shops - mostly Arabs - also recognize him and invite him from afar. Ibrahim, a seller of pasta and other groceries from Beit Lehem, carries bags to our car and chats eagerly. different topics. It’s immediately clear that the guy is quite lazy: after loading one bag of oatmeal into the trunk, he leaves the second one for Chaim. “Either load everything, or give the money,” Chaim is indignant.

But now the work is done, and we can talk.

– Don’t you think about getting married? – Chaim inquires busily. - It's high time for you. Have you found a girlfriend?

“Not yet,” Ibrahim shakes his head. - They matched me with several of ours. I don't want to. I didn't agree. I'm looking for a Russian one. Maybe you can help?

– Why do you need Russian? – Chaim shrugs. - He doesn’t know the language, doesn’t understand habits, your parents probably won’t like it...

“Uh-uh... I’ll list them for you in order,” Ibrahim bends his fingers. First of all, they are beautiful. Everyone makes a good impression. I need a beautiful wife, I’ll work for the owner for a little while, and then I’ll open my own shop - beautiful woman attracts buyers. Secondly, Russian girls are hardy, good at work, and adapt to new customs very quickly.

“Well, I convinced you,” Chaim laughs. “Now all that’s left is a trifle: find someone who will marry you, big-nosed one, and that’s the end of it.” Don't forget to invite me to the wedding!

“Here’s an item in high demand,” states Haim as Ibrahim leaves with his car. Everyone wants “Russians,” and Israeli Arabs even more so.

How many are there?

Until recently, there were no statistics on this matter. In the State of Israel, Jews were supposed to have gathered to be Jews. Publications about Israelis who, for one reason or another, converted to Islam caused shock in society. (I’ll say right away that one of the stories that shocked Israel no less than the current wedding was connected with a Russian-speaking Jewish guy who decided to convert to Islam). The well-known site y-net tried to collect materials on this problem and found out that “every year in Israel about 40 people convert to Islam, mostly women married to Muslims. But in 2006, a new “record” was recorded - 70 Jews converted to Islam.” A 2012 Knesset report stated that the number of converts to Islam reached 100. According to data from Israel's Central Bureau of Statistics, cited by the Jerusalem Post, in 2011, 8,994 marriages took place abroad, of which 27 were between Jews and Arabs. The number is small, and it is hardly worth talking about a trend, but nevertheless the public is concerned. According to a poll by the Haaretz newspaper, 75% of the Jewish population of Israel and 65% of the Arab population are against such marriages. It is curious that the smallest percentage of those opposed is among Christian Arabs, and much larger, up to 70%, among Muslims.

The best Arab brides are “Russian” repatriates

...That day, Marina Machulina, a repatriate from St. Petersburg, a graduate of the Herzen Pedagogical Institute, a translator from Spanish into Russian by profession and a single mother by marital status, had the least intention of meeting anyone. She was walking down the street and came across a large sign: “Exhibition of Arabic books in the Beit HaGefen center.” Then she was not aware that Beit HaGefen was the Center for Arab Culture in Haifa. “It’s interesting to see,” she thought, “what these books look like, and whether Russian publications were thrown in with them?”

She walked around booth after booth, but there were no Russian books, and no Hebrew ones either. It was clear that Marina was disappointed.

- Girl, what are you looking for? – a handsome guy called out to her in Hebrew and introduced himself: Mamon Said Ahmad. - Maybe I can help? Russian books? No, we didn't think about that. But next time we’ll definitely bring it, don’t hesitate. By the way, could you tell me why “Russians” love books so much?

He was emphatically polite and attentive, and he clearly wanted to continue the conversation, but Marina was in a hurry, noting to herself that the guy was nice.

The second time they met also happened by chance, a few years later. Daniel, Marina's son from her first marriage, went to kindergarten, which was located near the house of Mamon. Therefore, when she heard the invitation to come into the house, Marina did not refuse, thinking that if an accident happens a second time, it is not such an accident. This is how their friendship began.

Mamon took care of Marina and her son, she felt that he respected her. But I was in no hurry to get married.

– I didn’t want to get married and have children until I had own home“That’s how it is with us,” says Mamon. “So we had to wait.” Marina didn't mind.

In general, nine years after they first met, they decided to get married.

It remained to choose where: according to religious affiliation, she is a Jew according to Halacha, he is a Muslim. Marina had no intention of converting to Islam. Moreover, she retained her own surname. And interreligious marriages in our country, as everyone knows, are invalid. Like most couples who do not have the chance to get married in Israel, they did not want to go to Cyprus, this place was completely foreign to them, and, in the opinion of both, their close people should have been present at the wedding. Therefore, after weighing everything, they preferred the “Russian” option. And they flew to St. Petersburg, Marina’s homeland. No one there cared about the nationality of the bride and groom. Marina's college friends and school friends gathered. And after having fun at the wedding, the mixed couple returned to the difficult life of Israel.

Marina had to enter a large Arab family, with its own system of relationships between aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters...

“Probably, my situation was made easier by the fact that Mamon is a secular person and did not require me to join his religion, and I gradually became acquainted with his relatives. His mother lives in the same house with us, we communicate often, and I gradually found some advantage in this - he goes to her to eat traditional Arabic dishes. And I was very glad that Mamon liked the simple fried potatoes!

Mamon believes that he and Marina have a good family, although not ideal.

- Of course, I know very well that Arab wives spend much more time cleaning the house and cooking than my wife, but I feel good with her, and I’m proud of her education and intelligence.

“Marina,” I ask, “there is an opinion that Jewish repatriates are more willing to connect their lives with Arabs than the Sabras, because their Jewish education is not strong enough. What do you think about it?

– It’s for sure that people from Russia are less prejudiced against Arabs.

– But the Russian-speaking environment is just the opposite – more right-wing?

– I don’t belong to this group, neither do my friends, so I don’t feel any pressure from the environment. As for the difference between repatriates and sabras, Mamon says that he would never marry a sabra, if only because he would not be accepted by the girl’s family.

– But the confrontation between Jews and Arabs in our country is not getting weaker. Following popular belief, Israeli Arabs support the Palestinians in the conflict, not the Israelis. Doesn't your soul hurt for your fellow tribesmen?

– I know that Israeli Arabs are very different, and you can’t put everyone under the same brush. There are ordinary, calm people with a secular lifestyle, there are very religious people, and there are extremists. I do not undertake to judge this conflict - it is too complex.

...When their daughter was born, Mamon asked Marina to name the girl in honor of his mother - Amira. And although Marina was somewhat embarrassed by this circumstance, she still agreed. May your husband be pleased. The girl spoke her first words in Russian.

“Imported wives” do not take root in Israel...

I finally asked Marina’s husband, Mamon Said Akhmad, why Israeli Arabs prefer to marry repatriates.

– For quite some time now, in some Arab families, especially in the territories, it has been customary to bring wives from abroad. Since many Arabs had previously received higher education in the former Soviet Union, and now they go to study in Russia, then the category of “imported Russian wives” is constantly increasing. Personally, I am against such “import”. In my opinion, a girl, torn from her environment and finding herself in a foreign land without relatives and friends, painfully experiences her loneliness. She experiences shock, everything is alien to her: except for the language and customs, there is also a completely unfamiliar country, which most often does not meet her expectations at all. Everything is familiar to him, but for her it is all incomprehensible, foreign. Of course, the strongest survive and adapt, but many cannot stand it and break down, returning back to Russia. It seems to me that starting a family this way is very risky.

Unlike the “imported wives,” the repatriates know absolutely everything about this country, they chose it themselves, and not at the request of their husbands, they themselves adapted, got out, and took a sip of everything. They tried everything, there will be no surprises for them. And if they have decided to stay in Israel, this means that they are able to live here and not faint if she or her husband cannot find a job and there is no money in the house. She has close relatives - parents, girlfriends. Repatriates are local people in all respects, but at the same time they also have a European education, knowledge of world culture and a broad outlook. These make real, reliable wives. That’s why the “demand” for them in the bride market is constantly increasing. Six of my friends married repatriates, and the seventh wedding is on the way. My friend Azmi Shadi is marrying a girl, Lena. According to unofficial statistics, there are already almost five hundred mixed couples in Nazareth. Mutual language for us - Hebrew. That's how we live.

“Windy theme”

The topic of marriage preferences of Israeli Arabs has long and seriously occupied the “competent authorities,” as well as the Israeli leadership itself. A researcher of Middle East problems, a popular lecturer, a “mizrahnik” with extensive experience, agrees to give me an interview without giving his name.

– Tell me, why does the desire of Arabs to marry repatriates from the former USSR occupy the minds of statesmen?

– Because we are talking about some kind of national confrontation. Marriage to a representative of another nationality implies a concession to foreign traditions, to a certain extent a challenge to one’s society, a renunciation of one’s own cultural orientation and a transition to another camp. When it comes to Israel, where demographic situation is developing not in favor of the Jews, it is very important to find out why girls who come to the country to become Jews and join Jewish traditions, it is here that they cross the line and leave the Jewish world for the Arab world. No matter how many such girls there are, this cannot but worry government officials. We want to understand where the gaps in national education were made. I must say that the issue of Arab-Russian-Jewish marriages did not arise now.

- And when?

– Oh, this problem has a long history. It is connected with the communist movement and the creation of the Israeli Communist Party. Since the thirties of the last century, it was typical for both Jewish and Arab communists in Palestine to marry Jewish girls who came from Russia. Some were going to promote Zionism. Others are communism. In both cases, they seemed to local young people to be representatives of a genuine ideology; they were all very ideological: either super-Zionists or super-communists. The latter did their best to promote internationalism, which was supposed to triumph on this land. They tried to bring this time closer by personal example and entered into marriages with Arab communists. Almost all Arab communist leaders of that time were married to Russian-speaking Jewish girls, and in many cases they themselves spoke at least a little Russian.

– Research does not stop in this regard. We conduct dozens of interviews to establish patterns. Characteristic features are visible. Supporters of international marriages are clearly divided into two categories. These are either very educated women advancing in their careers, convinced that the highest values ​​are supranational. Their choice of a person from a different clan or tribe is dictated by ideological beliefs. Among the new repatriates there are still such idealists - they marry for love, which is obviously alien to national restrictions.

The second category, on the contrary, are completely uneducated girls who had little to do in childhood, and they rejoice at any kind word spoken strong man. New immigrants who feel insecure in the Israeli environment, ashamed of their Hebrew, are most susceptible to the advances of Arab guys. Moreover, for them, Hebrew is a non-native language, and this is where solidarity is manifested.

Speaking about forecasts, it can be noted that the first - strong, strong - become reliable wives, imbued with Arab culture and ideology. The latter – mostly weak, dependent – ​​join the ranks of “second wives,” often temporary. But both the first and second categories are characterized by a weak connection with Jewish culture and traditions. They were deprived of it in the country of origin and were unable to find it in Israel. That's what's scary. The Israeli school is not always capable of providing reliable national beliefs, and at the very first shock they collapse.

– Let’s continue the “windy theme.” In addition to ideology, language, social status, apparently there is something special in the national traditions of love that makes our ardent girls disregard prohibitions?

- Of course have. Arab men tend to be more courteous during the courtship process. They are attentive, gentle, caring and very persistent, while Jewish guys avoid pressure because they are well aware of the consequences of being too intrusive in their advances. The Eastern culture of gender relations is much more refined and refined than it might seem to an ignorant person. Parents of young repatriates, as a rule, do not say anything to their daughters about the possible claims of young people from the Arab sector, because they underestimate their real attractiveness.

– What do Arab guys find in our girls, why do they avoid Jewish sabras?

– First, about the sabras. Girls who grew up in the Israeli Jewish education system, including secular ones, are still much more attached to their customs and roots. Moreover, they are with early childhood observe the confrontation between the Jewish and Arab sectors and reject all attempts at courtship. Arab men are well aware of this deliberate rejection. And one more advantage of the “Russians”. Our neighbors have many different restrictions on intra-ethnic marriages; hierarchical correspondence between families must be ensured; the groom's relatives cannot be inferior in importance and wealth to the bride's relatives. In some cases, the candidate husband is not able to buy the gifts required by the new relatives. It is clear that in the situation of a “Russian” bride, all these problems disappear. For a long time I tried to understand how the Arab guys themselves determine the main attractive property of “Russian” repatriate girls. The answer that hundreds of guys gave, without saying a word, simply shocked me: “Russians are freer, not dependent on any stereotypes, more uninhibited in love. And this is what makes them completely irresistible sexually and socially.”

In conclusion, it remains to add that among the clients of the Yad Le-Achim company, which specializes in the release of Jewish girls from Arab families who begged for help, there are also plenty of Russian speakers...

Victoria Martynova, “News of the Week” – “Continent”

Recently, we are increasingly witnessing the birth of mixed families: what do our compatriots expect and hope for when they marry representatives of Arab countries? How does the interaction between Tatar-Russian and Middle Eastern cultures occur in a mixed marriage?

What does marriage and family mean to our Arab co-religionists? According to the Koran, the family is one of the main and highly respected values ​​of Islam and the basic unit of Muslim society. Arabs take the choice of their future spouse quite seriously. It is known that the creed of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) imposes some prohibitions regarding the choice of a life partner. The Holy Qur'an clearly states that a Muslim man has the right to marry a non-Christian from among the People of the Book, i.e. on a Jew or a Christian. However, such a marriage is fraught with the emergence of difficult situations, which consist in the fact that the children will mainly be raised by the mother according to the canons of her religion. And accordingly, children from such a marriage will subsequently face the question of religious self-identification. As for Muslim girls, Islam completely prohibits them from marrying representatives of other religions. It’s good if there is one religion, but what if your life partner is of a different nationality?

If you look closely, many people from Arab countries come to Russia, in particular to Kazan, settle, live, work and start families. Mixed marriages are born and the general trend of their development is visible.

Abdullah, an Arab guy from Syria believes that mixed marriage is good and interesting from the point of view of mutual enrichment of cultures and exchange national traditions. The main thing in such families is mutual understanding and acceptance of each other’s cultural traits, characteristics of upbringing and traditions. “However,” says Abdullah, “it is better if both spouses are Muslims, and even better if the couples belong to the same nationality.” Much depends on the country of residence of such a union; it is easier for visiting Arabs to adapt and rebuild in the Tatar-Russian environment than for our compatriots in the countries of the conservative East. If in Russia the existence of such unions can be called successful, then the issue of living in an Arab country is more painful for both spouses due to the strictness of traditions and the significant significance of family ties in the Middle East. Still, Abdullah is sure, despite the joyful life in Russia, any Arab, in the end, dreams of returning to his fatherland to his parents and dying on his native land. Would his non-Arab wife want to go with him to Arabstan?

“The most important thing in relationships with different mentalities is patience and acceptance,” says the union of Jamil and Christina, who got married in May of this year, “we build relationships completely differently, there is no single model of behavior.”

Islam-today correspondent asked Christina to talk about pitfalls mixed union.

Christina, do you have any problems based on cultural differences, if so, what are they and how do you solve them?

Problems arise very often. Previously, our dialogue was structured like this: “I won’t do this, it’s not customary here” and “I won’t do it either, because it’s not customary here.” The solution to problems again lies in patience and acceptance. It is difficult to convince an Eastern man; it is easier and more correct to take the side of his husband.

Do you think there are many differences between our male compatriots and Eastern men in terms of relationships within the family?

Probably the differences are that our men are still more accustomed to helping around the house, with children. Our women work in companies on an equal basis with men and, naturally, they have less time at home, and their husbands often help around the house. Eastern men are accustomed to the fact that the home and kitchen are exclusively the territory of women. By the way, it took me a long time to get used to this.

Is communication with the older generation, with parents, important? How did you and your chosen one’s parents react to your choice?

It’s probably worth considering not only parents, but also relatives in general. Mine were initially against it. “Oh, he’ll take you away, he’ll put on a burqa, he’ll take away the children,” I’m sure that all the girls who got married heard these words, and mostly not even from their mothers, but from their aunts, grandmothers, and that seventh cousin’s fourth cousin, because that she certainly knows! If I were my parents, I would also say that so that my daughter would think 100 more times. Because it will be difficult whether this man is worth all the difficulties that she will have to face and which could have been avoided if she had made a different choice. If it’s worth it, then all these women with their fears won’t interfere. Now my parents have already come to terms with my choice. They treat my husband very well and often my mother takes his side in disputes. To achieve their consent, I had to prove for a long time that everything was serious, that he was good.

Another couple, Hamza, an Arab from Jordan, and Diana, also believe that the secret to the success of their five-year union lies in mutual understanding, mutual trust and awareness of each other's cultural differences. “Of course, the consent and support of parents is very important,” says Diana. Very often, parents do not recognize the choice of their children, which greatly complicates or even makes the existence of such a marriage impossible.

Thus, we took a short tour of the peculiarities of mixed marriages. Spouses in successful marriages live in love and harmony. Unviable unions fall apart. The success of a happy blended family depends on the willingness of the spouses to find a compromise and a middle ground in intercultural differences. Of course, people who take such a bold step must have a broad outlook in order to fully understand and be able to accept the worldview of their chosen one. In this case, the newlyweds not only tie the knot, but also let another national culture into their lives.