Natural Parenting– a non-standard approach to raising children in the first years of life still inspires the heated discussions and serious battles among parents, teachers, doctors and psychologists. This technique causes an ambiguous impression. This topic is vast and multifaceted; in one article we are unlikely to be able to cover all its aspects, but we will still try.

What is natural parenting?

How did the theory of natural parenthood come about?

Natural Parenting translated from in English means "natural parenting or nurturing." One of the main ideologists of this theory was the American writer Jean Ledloff, who lived for two and a half years in the jungles of Latin America in the Yekuana Indian tribe. The writer was completely delighted with the impeccable behavior of the “little angels” - the children of the jungle. She saw with her own eyes the harmony reigning in this tribe. After returning from the expedition, Jean Ledloff wrote a wonderful book about the method of raising truly happy children. This book allowed many parents to reconsider their attitude towards the process of raising their children.

What does the concept of “natural parenthood” include?

Natural parenting (NP) is care for children based on meeting their physical and emotional desires and needs. So what's new about this? - you ask. Any parent tries to raise their child based on scientific data from medicine, pedagogy, and psychology. Everything is correct, but EP is primarily based on the theory of evolution, on the development of the human child as a certain species. This technique itself involves bringing the baby and mother as close as possible. A mother raises her child the way her distant ancestors did. Why reinvent the wheel? It has been around for a long time. Take it and use it for its intended purpose. These words fully express the main idea of ​​the EP. That is, parents should learn to raise children from Mother Nature herself.

One of the main principles of this technique is the emotional link. Namely: comprehensive care, all-encompassing love and boundless respect for the child as an individual.

But this does not mean that the mother’s entire life is completely dissolved in the needs of the child. Nothing like this! The child and mother develop together not only on a physical level, but also on an emotional one. Opponents of the EP technique do not deny that this theory contributes to the emergence of strong emotional contact between children and parents. Thanks to this, children grow up to be self-sufficient and self-confident people. They positively perceive the entire reality around them. It’s interesting, but almost all the arguments that we gave above speak only about the benefits of this method of education. Why is there so much controversy and debate around natural parenting? Let's try to figure it out, but first let's list the basic principles of this teaching.

Principles of natural parenting

A newly born person has not only physiological needs, but also enormous inclinations and resources. Nature tried and instilled in him boundless love and great trust in the world. Of course, life on our planet is not very similar to the Garden of Eden, but this does not mean that parents should shift all concerns about the child’s development onto themselves, thereby excluding his own adaptation resources.

1. The first principle of this technique involves childbirth at home or in a maternity hospital, but without drug intervention . Childbirth in medical institutions should be as close to natural as possible. No gynecologists, only obstetric care in rare cases. Very often, childbirth in such families is perceived as a family event, but not a medical one. After birth, the child and mother are inseparable.
2. Breastfeeding for at least 2 years . It is advisable for the baby to wean himself. Followers of this practice consider it very important tactile contact child with mother. No bottles, pacifiers, pacifiers! Complementary foods are introduced after six months or with the appearance of the first tooth. The main food for a baby up to one year is breast milk. Complementary foods include foods that parents eat, no store-bought pureed purees. An ordinary family table. Feeding is carried out at the request of the child. Diet has nothing to do with this technique. The baby eats as much as he wants and when he wants.
3. Followers of this technique advocate natural baby hygiene . They completely refuse diapers and all kinds of nappies. Parents monitor the child’s desire and place him over a basin or over a potty. They don't bathe the baby in boiled water, do not wash nipples before each feeding and do not iron diapers,
4. Proponents of this method insist on the benefits baby and mother sleeping together or with both parents. As medical statistics show, co-sleeping between a child and their parents significantly reduces the risk of SIDS, an unpredictable and little-studied disease.
5. Natural parenting involves carrying a baby in your arms and in a sling . – a special device for carrying children. Most often - fabric.
6. Kids can be completely naked at home for a long time, thus they harden themselves. Parents should not bundle up their child when going outside in any weather. They should be wearing one less blouse than their mother. And this is quite natural, because mother’s thermoregulation is already “spoiled.” Parents are actively involved hardening the baby , they give him a massage, often lay him out on his tummy, and from the age of one and a half months they already ride him on a sled. Every family involved in natural education has wall bars, horizontal bars and rings.
7. Adherents of this method They are very conservative about all kinds of vaccinations and pharmacological drugs. However, we would like to point out right away that there is quite a wide range of opinions in natural parenting. Whether it is worth purchasing a stroller or carrying the child only on the back, whether to make or write a refusal, completely exclude medical care or, if necessary, use the services of doctors - each family decides for itself.
8. Supporters of this method hold the child in their arms as long as he wants. Possibly all day! They are convinced that the expression “you accustom him to holding him” sounds very funny, since the mother carried the baby in her for nine months before giving birth and did not experience any particular discomfort. They had a good time together! So why should one of them be lonely and scared now? Sooner or later the baby will want to feel freedom. Indeed, it’s unlikely that a fifteen-year-old teenager would want to lie in his mother’s arms!

Many parents who adhered to the natural parenting method were endlessly surprised - it turns out that infant you can get a great night's sleep. Is this technique really that flawless? After all, our grandmothers and mothers raised us completely differently: they fed us strictly according to a schedule, put us to bed separately, gradually introduced liquid complementary foods and, of course, carefully weaned us “from riding on our arms.” Who is right - adherents of classical education or natural parenting? Let's try to figure it out.

All the pros and cons of natural parenthood: opinions of experts and parents

Benefits of natural parenting:

• Establishing a strong connection on an emotional level between parents and child.
• Long-term breast-feeding provides excellent immunity to the child, protects him from allergic manifestations, diathesis, asthma, and also significantly saves the financial resources required to purchase all kinds of milk formulas.
• Carrying a baby in a sling frees up the hands and allows the mother to engage in a wide variety of activities.
• Sleeping together in a parent's bed minimizes the risk of SIDS and helps relieve infant colic.
• Home birth allows a woman to feel safe and not needlessly panic.
• Psychologists say that children who sleep with their parents in childhood do not suffer from low self-esteem in the future.

K. Perkhova, editor of the magazine “Home Child”:

Many, having given birth at home, quit their jobs, move to eco-villages, and some buy their own land. In any case, life changes a lot. A person begins to read books, go to seminars, search for information on the Internet - he tries to understand everything that is offered to him, and then decide whether his child needs it or not. The ability to ask yourself questions comes: “Why should I take my child to some average school? Inject the child with some drugs, the origin of which I do not know?”

And then this spills over into home education - these families do not send their children to kindergarten or school. And these children do not grow up antisocial. On the contrary, they become very creative, bright personalities. But everyone goes through this process of breaking old guidelines and finding new ones. This is sometimes painful, sometimes families even break up - it changes people too much, and many cannot stand it. In any case, this is a new formation of parents and a new formation of children. And many of these people do not find themselves in this country - for example, in the summer they live in Moscow, and in the winter they go to India or Thailand, and the children there grow up healthy, free-thinking.

Maria from Zvenigorod, mother of 2 children :

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I read Ledloff’s book “How to Raise a Happy Child,” the book really resonated with me.
I was impressed. I started looking for similar information and read Michel Auden
“Revived Childbirth”, then there was the site “Consciously” with good
articles and a selection of literature, the solo-roda community in LiveJournal and the group in
classmates, through whom I met my midwife. In the residential complex for me
predicted a miscarriage, and the ophthalmologist immediately said that only a planned caesarean section (for
I am nearsighted, about -6 in both eyes). No miscarriage or cesarean for me
I didn’t want to at all, so I didn’t go to the residential complex anymore, I was looking for alternatives. My friends gave birth at home, and I liked this idea, I felt that I was ready for this. In general, I believe that childbirth is an intimate family event that should take place in a calm, comfortable environment in the presence of those closest to you. That there should be no outside interventions unless absolutely necessary (which occurs in a few percent). All animals give birth on their own (well, except for very domestic ones), you just need it to be warm, dark and secluded. My husband and I gave birth with a midwife in an apartment in Zvenigorod. My daughter was born capricious and demanding, I couldn’t put her down, she refused to sleep without a breast in her mouth and generally lie down without me, and the sling was a great help, just like the gw, ss and fitball. Mothers who already had experience in natural parenting, those from the communities, helped a lot. Then, when my daughter was six months old, I met real similar mothers and this was invaluable support and experience. With my son, there was no question of where to give birth. There was a question about whether to give birth on our own or with a midwife, I wanted to do it myself, my husband wanted a midwife, but he didn’t really insist. Actually, my son was born much faster than my daughter and turned out to be quite calm, so now I wear him much less often.

Disadvantages of Natural Parenting

Any technique creates certain frameworks that do not always work in unforeseen situations. There are no clear concepts in this technique. What is natural parenting and is it possible in the unnatural conditions in which we all live?

• Of course, in southern countries it is quite reasonable to plant a child in bushes (if necessary). But what should Russian mothers do in winter when it’s 30 degrees below zero?
• Slings are wonderful! What if your baby refuses to sit in a carrier?
• Refusal to vaccinate also raises a lot of questions. After all, thanks to vaccination, smallpox was defeated and the incidence of polio in children significantly decreased.
• By virtue of physiological characteristics some women cannot give birth naturally. There are many examples when children and women in labor died due to lack of timely medical care. Even if a natural birth takes place with the participation of a midwife, it is possible that the baby may die due to the lack of necessary equipment.

E. Melanchenko, pediatric neurologist about the book by J. Ledloff “How to raise a happy child” :

Ledloff writes that if a child is carried in his arms all the time, then the change in the position of the mother’s body in space is sufficient for the development of the baby’s vestibular apparatus. But a city mother moves on a flat floor or asphalt, does not climb mountains and trees, and does not walk on swinging bridges. So constantly carrying a child on yourself does not guarantee normal development, it is simply not enough. So we advise that our urban contemporary should be placed on a wide sofa or, better yet, on the floor (carpet) as early as possible - for safety reasons and to realize his innate motor potential.

Another embarrassing moment. An Indian mother always has helpers. European and American mothers live separately from their parents, and not everyone has the means to hire an au pair. In addition, the Yekuana child lives among loving relatives. In our environment, it is not so often that you come across nannies who treat their pupils with warmth and attention.

Where does the sense of innate security that Ledloff describes come from? The Yequana child, who has been dragged through the mountains and valleys, really has a well-developed vestibular apparatus. So it is not surprising that children can avoid injury and damage in everyday life. According to our (domestic) experience, children with the correct motor development, with a good vestibular apparatus they can easily climb into hard to reach places without causing any harm to yourself. However, we will not dare to call this quality innate. Because children who have deviations in the development of the necessary movements described above are more likely to be injured than those who “matured” correctly in the first year of life.

O. Knyazeva, psychologist:

We have been living in a world created by man for a long time. Cars, multi-story buildings, computers are unnatural habitats. Are we ready to give up the benefits of civilization and return back to nature in the literal sense, and is it necessary to do this? Giving up diapers, strollers, artificial nutrition - does this really make us closer to nature and allow us to raise a happy and healthy child? To live in modern society and at the same time creating an artificial environment for the child (without technology, etc.) means preventing the baby from mastering the world in which he was born. Helping a child adapt to society and the modern landscape is one of the important tasks facing parents.

The child will have to live not in an isolated and artificially created environment by his parents, but in the real world. The time allotted by nature to develop the necessary skills for a child’s interaction with the environment is limited. The stories of Mowgli children clearly demonstrate this.

Many fans of Jean Ledloff’s book “How to Raise a Happy Child” perceive the principle of continuity and naturalness in upbringing as a dogma. Like driving without brakes. This often leads to incredible conclusions. For example, like this: “the child was born in water, in an unnatural environment, which means he will be abnormal.”

Systematically, we understand: what is natural for one person is not at all natural for another. How a child was born does not affect its vector set, its internal properties. This may affect the development of the child's vectors in case of birth injuries.

Of course, this technique in itself is very interesting. Some of its provisions even have a basis generally recognized by science. However, its principles are not indisputable and raise a number of natural questions. Natural parenting has many supporters and followers, but also quite a large number of ardent opponents.

How to implement natural parenting in life: the most useful books

In conclusion, I would like to note that United Russia has nothing to do with religion. This is the lifestyle that parents choose. And how much this lifestyle suits your family is up to you to decide.

Natural parenthood (from English. Natural Parenting) is the desire to raise children the way our ancestors did in primitive times. The main idea is that a mother knows best what her baby needs. She has the intuition to understand the signs that the child gives her.

Proponents of the approach suggest developing this intuition in yourself in order to be on the same wavelength as the child. Another important postulate of the method is the rejection of devices that are unnatural for a child by nature (such as bottles, dry formula, diapers, as well as children’s beds, cradles, playpens, strollers, walkers and jumpers). “Natural parents” try to keep medical personnel away during pregnancy and childbirth, not to separate from the child when he is still very small, to use medications minimally, and not to vaccinate children.

Elements of Natural Parenthood

2. Staying with the baby after birth.

4. Maximum physical contact - wearing a sling, sleeping together in a parent's bed, avoiding strollers.

Cons of the Natural Approach

1. Mom has practically no opportunity to relax: go out alone somewhere, put the baby in a playpen or walker, give him a pacifier. She has little personal space - her own place and time.

2. In this case, all responsibility lies with the parents. It is not shared with teachers, the local pediatrician or kindergarten teachers.

3. Because large quantity rules (" Good mom breastfeeds for up to two years"), parents can often feel guilty if they do something not as prescribed.

Katya Khlomova, child and family psychotherapist: Ideas have turned mothers’ heads relatively recently. This style of parenting criticizes the traditional approach to childhood and offers as alternatives home birth, breastfeeding, slinging, planting, refusal of traditional medicines and vaccinations, complementary feeding from the common table instead of baby purees, and home schooling as an alternative to kindergarten and school.

That is, the scheme tends to return to one’s roots and reject many of the gifts of civilization as something that comes between mother and baby. The new scheme, by and large, divided mothers into two camps - admirers and opponents of natural parenthood.

When my daughter was very young, I, like many other mothers, searched the Internet for answers to various questions. And I realized that no answers. There are two opposing tribes, each of which zealously defends its truth: traditional parents and “natural” ones.

In fact, these two camps are not only a way of treating children. This is a worldview, a way of life.

I gravitated more towards the “naturalists”. Looking back, I think this approach gave me a lot in terms of being able to understand my daughter and be sensitive to her needs. But now it seems to me that natural parenting would be more suitable for a mother who has at least minimal outside help. Otherwise, your whole life begins to revolve around the baby. I couldn’t afford to console my daughter with a pacifier or put her in a playpen. Because... I considered it almost a crime! And it is very exhausting physically and emotionally. That is, of a sort, luxury be with your child 100% every second.

Natural parenting is an idea that leaves the mother very little of her own personal space - her bed, her plate, her moment. And here the resources must be very well thought out. Where does energy come from?

It also seems important to me that supporters of conscious parenting have a greater chance of “slipping” into a feeling of guilt, which is so destructive for the child. Because in this concept, the mother owes the child a lot, if not “everything.” There seems to be a claim to being ideal. But how child psychologist, I know that for the successful development of a child, an ordinary mother is needed. Preferably calm. Let it be with its shortcomings.

There's a catch to this too. Because the theory of natural parenthood itself, most likely, does not require the mother to be perfect. But the initial idea of ​​“closeness” to the child is erased behind external attributes: breastfeeding, slings and co-sleeping. After all, you can fulfill the task of intimacy without this, or you can not fulfill it with all this.

The first thing that I, an inexperienced mother, learned for myself was exactly the actions that I should do. That's how it was for me. And here I do not at all pretend that this was the case for everyone.

For me there was a lot in this concept obligations and little choice. In my immense trust in everything I read, at some point I replaced the thought “ I know what's best" on " Natural Parenting Knows Best».

It turns out that the style, which initially involves following one’s instincts, eventually came between me and my instincts. "What am I loving mother, since I don’t drop off the child?” - but any philosophy will sooner or later become a prison.

The main pitfall for me turned out to be this:

the message that “No one knows better than mom” is promoted. But in fact the texts not about supporting mom's intuition, but about how should act good mom.

Now I think that the essence of this parenting style, in fact, was not contempt for walkers, but the ability to listen to yourself and the baby, feel each other and do as your intuition tells you.
Some of my acquaintances, ardent “naturalists,” only allowed themselves to give the child a pacifier and put on a diaper for their third childbirth. Because it saves energy. But this third child is no less beloved.

There may be another extreme here. It is easy to blame one’s own responsibility on an “imperfect theory.” Therefore, I would like to say that, of course, everything was built by me myself. Theory is just a tool in the hands of each of us. This was the case in my case.

At this point some conclusions need to be drawn. But I don't really want to. Because any result of someone else’s experience is a trap for a new person. The ideal theory of education, perhaps, is that leave with maximum information the last word behind you. Nobody knows better than ourselves.

PHOTO - Yulia Zalnova

The name itself, “positive parenting,” inspires confidence. This means no tears, no hysterics - perfect children in ironed shirts. Is it really? “Detstrana” decided to look into this issue thoroughly.

Have you noticed that the trends of modern parenting for some reason suggest the complete sacrifice of mothers and fathers in relation to their children? Indulge, please, do not prohibit, do not punish - and all this is to the detriment of the interests of adults. What's the end result? Before us are people who are disillusioned with the status of “mom” and “dad”, and an incredible number of uncontrollable, selfish and spoiled children. Some parents follow a fundamentally different method of education - authoritarianism, physical punishment, justifying themselves by saying that “we were raised that way - and nothing, we grew up.”

But positive parenting is something completely different, it is constructive, logical and calm interaction with the child. So, the main principles of positive parenting.

1. A child has the right to be different, to be different from others

He doesn’t have to be an excellent student like his neighbor Vasya, he doesn’t have to play the violin, he doesn’t have to love the theater, and he may well be against travel. And you shouldn’t succumb to stereotypes by forcibly taking your child to English courses (after all, it will come in handy, it’s necessary). Respect even the right little man be yourself.

2. A child can make mistakes.

Recognize this right too - there are no ideal people. But again, what is considered an error? Five year old child who broke an expensive vase did not make a mistake - he really dropped it by accident, without malicious intent. Therefore, scolding, shouting and generally perceiving this fact as an annoying oversight. If a teenager comes home with a black eye, groaning and screaming “Who is to blame,” ask three questions:

1. "What's happened?" - and the child tells the fact.
2. “Did you draw any conclusions, did this situation teach you anything?” - and the teenager, even if he has not yet made any conclusions, will begin to talk about this topic.
3. “What will you do next time, what will you do differently?” - and your child will form a positive picture.

3. The child may express negative emotions

He may cry - from resentment, fatigue, because of problems at school, he may tell you that, in his opinion, you are unfair. And this is not rudeness! It is completely normal to give vent to emotions, and not to accumulate negativity in yourself. Firstly, the release of emotions alleviates the condition, and secondly, this is trust - who, if not parents, can demonstrate their weakness?

4. The child may want more

A child who knows what he wants is easier to encourage to do something by providing him with opportunities to achieve his goals. If your child from infancy lives by the principle “wanting is not harmful,” then mature age he will be able to wait patiently for the fulfillment of his desires. Only complete, unlimited freedom to “wish” allows a child to find his very desire, calling and happiness from a huge list of possibilities.

5. The child may say “no,” but the parents have the final say.

It is very important to understand the difference between freedom given to a child and permissiveness. The essence of this principle is that it allows you to control a child without intimidation, humiliation and punishment. “I won’t put on a hat,” your daughter tells you when it’s a snowstorm and minus 20 outside. In her right to rebel, she understands that she may not follow your instructions, but at the same time she also realizes that all the consequences of disobedience become hers. responsibility. Your task is to explain the consequences of her actions and ask if she is ready for them. If the riot continues, you can say something like: “I understand that you are ready for the consequences. But I’m responsible for you and your health, so I can’t let you do this.”

Principle one
"You can be different"

This principle expresses the need and right of children to be special and loved, to be individuals. If we do not understand and accept that children are different, they will never be able to get what they need, which is responsiveness and a tendency to cooperate with adults.

Principle two
"You could be wrong"

In order for children to grow up to be confident and maintain a healthy and natural need to please their parents, they need to understand that they have the right to make mistakes. And if mistakes are not forgiven, children stop making efforts, or give up in the process of trying, faced with small failures. The child should know that for every mistake and failure in his life, he can count on adult support in the form of sympathy and the parent’s willingness to take responsibility for the child’s mistake. Even if at first glance it seems that the parents have nothing to do with it and everything was done by the child’s hands. But the feeling that the child is not alone responsible for his mistakes and that there is someone who is ready to accept responsibility for what he has done frees a person from the fear of doing something new in his life. In this way, the child learns to take responsibility, take risks and endure failure.

Principle three
"You may experience negative emotions"

This principle allows children to develop boldly, aware of their inner experiences. This factor, the factor of experiencing negative emotions, is important for children in order not to lose their craving for parental protection, their guidance and recognition.

Principle Four
"You May Want More"

This principle opens up the opportunity for a child to develop into a bright personality and realize his own desires. Children who know what they want are much easier to encourage by giving them more opportunities to achieve their desires. Children who had this opportunity in childhood - to follow the principle “wanting is not harmful” - become adults and learn to patiently wait for the fulfillment of their desires, even if they cannot get what they want right away.
Only complete, absolute freedom to desire allows a person, from a large list of possibilities, to find that very desire, that very taste of happiness that corresponds to his nature, his experience and purpose.
Unfortunately, too often children hear reproaches that they are bad, spoiled, selfish, if they ask for more and do not get what they want. And this applies to our own experience, our childhood.
Until now, suppression of desires was the most important educational skill, since parents did not know how to cope with the negative emotions that naturally arise in every person if his desire is unsatisfied. The Vedic scriptures speak quite clearly about this. The Bhagavad Gita says that if a person does not satisfy his desires that arise in his mind, in his heart, or brought from past lives, then he experiences anger, and, as a result, disappointment and resentment. The lack of harmony in a person’s desires with the desires of the people around him, the laws of nature, the laws of his own body, the nature of his own mind, one way or another leads to the emergence of negative emotions. And one of the serious skills, until a person has reached a sufficiently high level of self-awareness, is how to correctly express negative emotions so that they do not worsen or burden the lives of the people around them and the person himself, and do not contribute to his degradation.

Principle five
"You can say no"

What makes this principle special is that it reminds us that freedom is the foundation of positive parenting and parenting. And this principle of freedom concerns each of the four principles described above - “you can be different”, “you can be wrong”, “you can experience negative emotions”, “you can want more”. And it is very important to understand the difference between permissiveness and freedom that is given to the child. This principle should not be associated with permissiveness. The essence of this principle is that it allows for even greater control over children without intimidating or shaming the child. The fact is that the ability to resist authority underlies a healthy awareness of one’s “I”, one’s personality. In his right to rebel, a person understands that he may not follow a higher authority, be it his parents or the government, but at the same time he understands and accepts responsibility for all the consequences of his disobedience.

Ruslan Narushevich, psychologist, Ayurveda specialist