No matter what age your child is, even if it’s a 2-year-old toddler, parental communication with him should be adequate. Of course, you can’t conduct a dialogue in a raised voice, but you shouldn’t “babble” with your baby too often. Of course, it will not be possible to communicate with a 2, 3, or 4 year old child on equal terms due to the peculiarities of his age development, but it is quite possible to structure a conversation so that the child understands your requirements and fulfills them without unnecessary wrangling.
A newborn baby seems like an angel in the flesh. But time passes, children grow up, and our idea of their divine origin undergoes significant adjustments. No, the baby is still the most beloved, but he is so mischievous and disobedient at times that you even begin to doubt whether you are trying so hard to understand him?
Two-year-olds go through their first crisis in understanding themselves and the outside world. So how can you communicate with a child 2 years old and older correctly, without putting pressure and without allowing permissiveness?
Features of communication with a 2-4 year old child
When communicating with a child of 2, 3 and 4 years old it is very difficult to find mutual language. The most common phrases of these kids:“I myself!”, “I won’t!”, “Don’t touch!” Another feature of this age is to do everything exactly the opposite.
2-4 year olds are actively involved in social life, play with pleasure with peers, communicate with relatives and consider themselves untouchable “deities.”
During this same period, the child completely lacks the instinct of self-preservation. All this cannot be ignored when communicating with children 2-4 years old. And no matter how difficult this age may seem for interaction, this is the most convenient period for beginning to educate a child in moral categories and personal resilience.
It is no secret that it is difficult to teach a child to share his toys, and he is more interested in other people’s games than his own. At this age, you can send your child to developmental clubs for children or arrange short meetings with his peers at home.
At two to four years old, the child begins to try on various social roles. He can play doctor for hours, listening to the heart rhythm of dolls or placing a thermometer on his parents, and will immediately begin to become hysterical if the adults change the subject of the game without his consent. And it is unacceptable not to take these features into account when communicating with a child.
By the age of two, permanent zones for various types activities. There is a separate area for games, where all the toys live in their box houses, there is an area for drawing and modeling, and there is a relaxation area. The mobility of each block remains, since sometimes the zones are mixed, but differentiation by ownership helps in cleaning before bed.
Naturally, clean the nursery before bed Small child can't do it on his own. This needs to be done together, turning a routine activity into exciting game: counting toys and cubes, saying actions in rhymes and playing “peek-a-boo” when looking for a “lost” pencil.
Listen to the following advice from psychologists on how to properly communicate with a 2, 3 or 4 year old child.
- When communicating with small children, remember that they are just like you, only small! Don't coo, don't belittle their opinion;
- Don't try to stop your child with a categorical "no." Very often, the word “no” only causes irritation and a surge of emotions in children.
- Don't try to impose your opinion about children's toys. Sometimes it happens that a shabby and old teddy bear is more expensive than a brand new tricycle.
- Another rule for communicating with a small child is that everything needs to be explained to the baby and shown by example! Drawing with paints is not scary: dip your finger and draw the first “doodle” on a piece of paper or on a tablet. You can’t swing on a chair, otherwise you’ll fall: put a doll on a small chair and rock it. The cubes can be assembled into a picture, into a tower, etc. Fortunately, in a modern children's room there is a rich field for imagination and examples;
- You should not be angry or irritated with a small child. If the child is brought to the point of “white heat”, it is worth counting to ten, repeating to yourself that this is a child, and switch his attention to another game. If you can't switch, give your child a few minutes of solitude.
To communicate with a 2, 3 or 4 year old child correctly, as psychologists advise, we must not forget that the baby feels our mood, catches every note in our voice. When sitting down to play and communicate with him, do not allow even a shadow of falsehood or pretense in your actions.
Enjoy every minute you spend with him. Painting the walls in the nursery, folding puzzles or assembling construction sets, theatrical performances, playing a concert on an improvised stage made from LEGO blocks, or simply hiding in corners and behind cabinets - everything should be fun and natural!
As you can see, how to communicate with children 2, 3 or 4 years old is not so difficult - just awaken the child in you, and your interaction with the baby will go like clockwork.
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Feels, imagine yourself in his place. How would you feel in such a situation? Name it to yourself and think about how his desires could be satisfied. Be it resentment, anger or pain.
Tell your child what you are thinking now. He will understand that you recognize his right to experience these feelings. At the same time, you should not say what he should feel, but what he really experiences.
To understand a child, you need not ask him questions that he may not understand or to which he may not respond, but address him in the form of statements. For example, instead of “What have you done again?” you need to say “You obviously had a hard time today.” This again lets your child know that you understand how he feels. No need to concentrate on questions negative attention on the child. Say what you feel or are going to do, not what your child needs to do. Agree that the child will better perceive “I’m worried about you, I need to know how you get home,” rather than “Where do you go, how will you get home?”
Banish stereotypes. Your child should not be like other children. And you should not apply to them those that others apply. Follow the following algorithm:
1. Formulate your thoughts in one sentence.
2. Talk about your feelings and thoughts (“I’m worried”).
3. Show what the child’s behavior can lead to. You can even exaggerate a little.
4. Admit that you cannot do anything, thereby making it clear what the child needs.
5. Show that you can help.
6. Create the impression that you are confident in your child’s abilities, that he will be able to cope with the situation on his own.
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Tip 2: How to talk to a child when he cannot speak yet
The baby hears the speech of adults from the first minutes of his life. He does not yet understand the words, but he listens to them, learns to recognize voices and reacts to intonation. Young parents are often lost when they cannot understand what the child wants, and are not even very willing to come to terms with the idea that he might want something at all. It is necessary to start learning to communicate with your baby from the very first days.
You will need
- - toys;
- - household items;
- - pictures, nursery rhymes, fairy tales.
Instructions
Talk to him all the time while he is . In the first months, communication will not take much time, but it should be. Comment on all your actions. Now you will change Sasha’s clothes, take clean diapers and a new white shirt. Show your baby toys, name them, tell them what color they are and what they are made of.
Communicating with (and sometimes with) child older), adults almost always begin to speak more slowly and clearly than usual. This is the right approach, because the child, among other things, observes the position of the speech apparatus. It will be easier for him to grasp the method of producing a particular sound if it is shown to him. At the same time, you should not deliberately burr or lisp. The baby must hear correct speech from the very beginning, then he himself will strive to speak correctly.
As soon as you understand that your child is making some movements meaningfully and consciously, teach him gestures. He cannot yet say what he wants, but he will be able to show that he needs a toy or a bottle of water. Having named an object, point to it with your finger or hand. Come up with gestures that your baby could use to show that he is hungry, that he needs to change his diaper, or that he... The game "Magpie" is quite suitable so that the baby can "tell" you that he is not averse to a snack. The palms folded together and pressed to the cheek will make it quite clear that it is time to sleep.
Sign language will not only facilitate understanding, which your baby desperately needs. The connection between fine motor skills hands and speech. How bigger baby knows how to use his hands, the sooner he learns to speak. In addition, acting skills develop, because the child will be able to convey the image of an object with expressive movements. You can use this method of expressing your thoughts for quite a long time and even after the need to achieve understanding in this way disappears. Gestures can be used to represent a variety of objects - books, toys, household items, etc.
Some parents try to come up with a “childish” language, denoting objects with simplified words. You shouldn't do this. But you shouldn’t hinder the little one who comes up with his own words either. Not all children do this. If your baby uses such words in speech, you will have to remember them, but you hardly need to repeat them. However, many children immediately try to name the object with the correct “adult” word, although this does not always work.
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Don't forget about songs and fiction. Sing songs to your newborn, tell short fairy tales and nursery rhymes. Fairy tales and games with pens, like Ladushki, will help you.
A child with whom parents constantly communicate and before he begins to talk is more confident in himself. He feels that his thoughts are interesting to others, and his desires will be understood.
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Parents often mistakenly choose a system of communication with their child. There are often cases when the speech of adults addressed to a child contains unacceptable words and phrases, which subsequently lead to the child’s mistrust and reluctance to communicate with relatives. How should you talk to your child so that he feels happy and grows up to be a cheerful, confident person?
Psychologist Anastasia Ponomarenko will give us some tips that will help improve relationships with your child.
People usually think about their relationships with children in old age. When parties no longer evoke strong emotions, when friends have their own problems, and you can’t see each other often. When the job is no longer designated by the word “,” but is mentioned in the context of “God forbid, they’ll make you redundant.” When your health begins to remind you that you are no longer 25, and you need help at the dacha. When it turns out that only children can support, console, and protect. And many begin to wonder why children are in no hurry to invest mentally. At best, they give a certain amount of money and consider their son's (daughter's) debt fulfilled. Sad picture , is not it? To avoid this sad spectacle in the future, you need to try not to make some mistakes in advance.
1. Be respectful of your child's emotions. What seems nonsense and trifle to you is the collapse of the world for him. Let him know that you will always support him and help him with advice if necessary. And don't brush off his problems. Otherwise, you will lose his trust forever.
2. Get advice. IN early childhood ask how best to equip his room. If he gets older, be sure to ask his opinion about rest and leisure. A teenager is quite capable of suggesting a list of family expenses. And, if possible, listen to his advice. This way the child will feel important and will develop a sense of responsibility and self-esteem.
3. Try to spend leisure time together as often as possible . It is clear that the child is more interested in being with his peers, but completely withdrawing from joint activities is a big mistake, it’s just that the type of activity should be different. When everyone in a family begins to live their own life, this is a very alarming symptom, and that is when trust disappears.
4. Praise for good deeds! Don't be afraid that he will "grow up to be selfish." If you recognize undoubted merits, it will not grow.
Our brain strives for two things: to avoid pain and to experience pleasure. When you praise, the child feels pleasure and will probably want to experience it again. This means he will want to do something good again so that you will praise him. In this way, doing good deeds will become a habit.
And if the act is unsightly, find out what happened. But don't humiliate the person. On the contrary, say: “How can such good man“How could you do this”?
5. Sport must be present in a child’s life. This contributes to the development of such qualities as responsibility, the ability to achieve goals, and manage emotions. If in early childhood your child was far from sports, then it’s not too late to start going to the sports section as a teenager. Just find the right motivation - at this age, the teenager’s desire to be better (prettier, faster) than his peers will work great.
6. Determine s start early, not in senior year. Here, in addition to abilities, take into account personality traits. And, if your overly emotional daughter decides to be a financier (where resistance to stress is necessary), send her to training on managing emotions.
7. One of the main tasks of parents is to create an enriched environment , where the child will have the opportunity to demonstrate his abilities and talents. Follow your child's hobbies. If he decides to become an orientalist, take him to the Museum of the East. If you are interested in chemistry, buy books on chemistry, the “Young Chemist” set. This way, he will quickly decide on his interests and inclinations, which means he will be more prepared to choose a profession. Choosing the right profession is one of the components of success . A successful people, as a rule, are generous.
No assault, insults or humiliating personalities. Accept it as an axiom. A person never forgives humiliation experienced in childhood.
8. Truly love your child . Not because he is an excellent student, handsome, or the best waltz dancer in the class. And despite the fact that he is a poor student, awkward and clumsy.
True, there is two conditions that must be followed in order for the effect of applying these tips to be achieved. Firstly, they need to be carried out comprehensively. And secondly, not from time to time, but constantly. That is, in order for you to have a good relationship with adult children, you need to constantly invest psychologically. Despite being tired or stressed. Good luck!
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A real discovery at the turn of the century was a study by developmental psychologists from the University of Kansas (USA) Betty Hart and Todd Risley that what determines a person’s achievements is not innate abilities, not the economic status of the family, not race or gender, but the number of words with which others address him in the first years of life 1 .
It is useless to sit a child in front of the TV or turn on an audiobook for several hours: communication with an adult is of fundamental importance. Of course, saying “stop” thirty million times will not help a child grow into an intelligent, productive, and emotionally stable adult. It is important that this communication is meaningful, and that the speech is complex and varied.
Without interaction with others, the ability to learn weakens. “Unlike a pitcher, which will hold whatever you pour into it, the brain without feedback is more like a sieve, notes Dana Susskind. - Language cannot be learned passively, but only with the help of a reciprocal (preferably positive) reaction from others and social interaction.”
Dr. Susskind summarized the latest research in the field early development and developed a parent-child communication program that will promote best development children's brain. Her strategy consists of three principles: tune in to the child, communicate with him more often, and develop dialogue.
1. Attunement to the child
We are talking about the conscious desire of the parent to notice everything that interests the baby and talk with him about this topic. In other words, you need look in the same direction as the child.
Pay attention to his activities. For example, an adult, filled with good intentions, sits on the floor with a child’s favorite book and invites him to listen. But the child does not react, continuing to build a tower from the cubes scattered on the floor. The parents call again: “Come here, sit down. Look, what an interesting book. Now I’ll read to you.”
Everything seems to be fine, right? Loving adult, book. What else does a child need? Perhaps there is only one thing: parents’ attention to the activity that this moment The child himself is interested.
To tune in to a child means pay close attention to what he is doing, and get involved in its activities. This strengthens contact and helps improve the skills involved in the game, and through verbal interaction, develop his brain.
The child can only focus on what interests him
The fact is that a child can only focus on what interests him. If you try to switch his attention to another activity, the brain has to expend a lot of additional energy. In particular, research has shown that if a child is required to participate in an activity that has little interest to him, he is unlikely to remember the words used at that time 2 .
Be on the same level as the child. Sit on the floor with him while playing, hold him on your lap while reading, sit at the same table while eating, or lift him up so that he looks at the world from your height.
Simplify your speech. Just as babies attract attention with sounds, parents attract their attention by changing the tone or volume of their voice. Baby talk also helps baby's brains learn language. A recent study found that 2-year-olds who were coddled between 11 and 14 months knew twice as many words as those who were spoken to in an adult manner.
Simple, recognizable words quickly draw a child's attention to what is being said and who is speaking, encouraging him to pay attention, engage, and communicate. It has been experimentally proven that children “learn” words that they hear more often, and they listen longer to sounds that they have heard before.
2. Active communication
Say everything you do out loud. This Commenting is another way to “surround” a child with speech. It not only increases vocabulary, but also shows the relationship between the sound (word) and the action or thing it refers to. “Let’s put on a new diaper…. How white he is on the outside and blue on the inside. And not wet. Look. Dry and so soft.” “Let's take the toothbrushes! Yours is purple and daddy's is green. Now squeeze out the paste, press a little. And we will clean, up and down. Is it ticklish?
Use related comments. Try not only to describe your activities, but also to comment on your child’s actions: “Oh, you found mommy’s keys. Don't put them in your mouth, please. They should not be chewed. This is not food. Do you open your car with keys? The keys open the door. Let's open the door with them."
Avoid pronouns: they cannot be seen
Avoid pronouns. Pronouns cannot be seen, except perhaps imagined, and then only if you know what they are talking about. He...she...is it? The child has no idea what you are talking about. Not “I like this”, but “I like your drawing.”
Complete, detail his phrases. When learning language, a child uses parts of words and incomplete sentences. In the context of communicating with your baby, you need to fill in such gaps by repeating already completed phrases. The addition to: “The dog is sad” will be: “Your dog is sad.” Over time, the complexity of speech increases. Instead of: “Come on, baby,” we say: “Your eyes are already sticking together. It’s very late and you’re tired.” Additions, detailing and structuring of phrases allow be a couple of steps ahead of your baby's communication skills, encouraging him to engage in more complex and varied communication.
3. Development of dialogue
Dialogue presupposes exchange of remarks. This Golden Rule parent-child communication, the most valuable of the three methods for developing the young brain. Reach active interaction You can by tuning in to what occupies your baby’s attention and talking to him about it as much as possible.
Wait patiently for a response. In dialogue, it is very important to adhere to the alternation of roles. By supplementing facial expressions and gestures with words - first assumed, then imitated and, finally, real, a child can select them for a very long time. So long that mom or dad will want to answer for him. But do not rush to disrupt the dialogue, give the child time to find the right word.
The words “what” and “which” hinder dialogue.“What color is the ball?” “What does the cow say?” Such questions do not promote vocabulary development because they encourage the child to remember words that he already knows. Questions with “yes” or “no” answers fall into the same category: they don’t help keep the conversation going and don’t teach anything new. On the contrary, asking “how” or “why” questions allows him to answer in a wide variety of words, using a variety of thoughts and ideas. When asked “why,” it is impossible to nod your head or point a finger. "How?" and why?" initiate a thinking process that ultimately leads to problem-solving skills.
Read more about this in the book Thirty Million Words by Dana Suskind, Beth Suskind and Leslie Lewinter-Suskind. We develop a baby’s brain just by talking to him” (Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2016).
1 A. Weisleder, A. Fernald “Talking to children matters: Early language experience strengthens processing and builds vocabulary.” Psychological Science, 2013, no. 24.
2 G. Hollich, K. Hirsh-Pasek, and R. M. Golinkoff, “Breaking the language barrier: An emergentist coalition model for the origins of word learning,” Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development 65.3, no. 262 (2000).
About the expert
Dana Suskind- pediatrician, professor, author of the book “Thirty Million Words. We develop a baby’s brain just by talking to him” (Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2016).
