Our kids taste the world. And this is true, because the mouth, the tongue, the receptors on it are the first tools of the baby, with the help of which he learns how life works. That is why the crumbs are so fond of dragging everything that lies badly into their mouths - from their toys to adult objects - glasses, keys and even money. Everyone, without exception, goes through this stage of development. But at a certain age, many children develop another unpleasant habit - biting or pinching others. The kid can bite other children on the playground or in the kindergarten, it is very painful to pinch relatives or guests who came to the house. Parents are ashamed, persuasion does not work on the child. What to do in this situation? How to wean a child from using nails and teeth?

Why is he doing this?

First you need to understand why the child does this.

1. Physiological need to bite. Observed in children aged 5 months. The desire to bite and gnaw is quite understandable - the teeth are cut, the gums itch and swell, the crumbs have no other choice but to drag everything into their mouth and bite as hard as possible. This is an instinctive desire. The child is not aware of what he is doing. Typically, the "peak" of dental suffering lasts up to 9-11 months.
2. Emotional problems. From about 1 year old, the child bites quite deliberately. The fact is that the vocabulary of the crumbs is still extremely small, and I want to express feelings and emotions no less than an adult. Especially during periods of stress, vivid impressions. Therefore, the baby does not find any other way out but to resort to the usual from birth instrument of contact with the world - the mouth.
3. Behavioral features... From one and a half to 3 years old, the baby can bite due to severe stressful situations. A typical example is a change of scenery when a child starts attending kindergarten. He tests the strength of the boundaries of reasonable and acceptable and seeks to keep the situation under control. Often he bites in the kindergarten, because this is how he tries to establish leadership in a team of peers.
4. Mental illness. It is possible to talk about the possible presence of a psychiatric diagnosis only if the child continues to bite at 4 years old, 5 years old, at 6-7 years old. In this case, it is necessary to consult a neuropsychiatric doctor.

Who bites?

The popularly known children's doctor Komarovsky assures that all children try to bite. I disagree with that. Anyway, none of my four children tried to bite. Yes, and friends of such troubles did not happen. But I will not underestimate the importance of the problem. I personally saw how in a kindergarten a teacher “scolds” a boy who bit two girls and a nanny. The picture is not pleasant.

So who is prone to biting?

• Children are imitators. Guys who like to copy the behavior of others. When biting, they can mimic the actions of someone in the kindergarten group or even copy the mannerisms of a puppy or kitten living in your house.
• Overly emotional children. Boys and girls who are overwhelmed with feelings, but due to insufficient maturity of the emotional sphere, they simply cannot express them in any other way.
• Children who lack attention and love. In an attempt to attract attention, these guys often start biting and pinching. Moreover, if there is no one nearby who is suitable for these actions, then often such a baby bites his own hand.
• Aggressive children. If by the age of 3 years the habit of biting has not disappeared, despite all the efforts of parents and educators, this may indicate deviations in the development of the child's personality. He has a high level of aggression. Mandatory consultation with a doctor is required, and then - strict adherence to a set of corrective measures.
• Children with defects in the chewing muscles. An irresistible urge to bite is observed in children with weakness of the chewing muscles. Such babies cannot part with a pacifier for a long time, and by the age of 2 they switch to other objects, but already use their teeth.
• Children from “at-risk families”. If in the family screaming, abuse, quarrels are normal and familiar, then the baby tries to subconsciously "run away" from such a "paradise". He experiences resentment, bewilderment, fear, and often hatred. He can start biting as a defense, not being able to recognize his feelings and find an adequate way out for them.

• Spoiled children. They are used to getting away with any trick, so why not bite?
• Children who are prohibited from everything. If even that is not allowed at home, and it is not allowed, and in general the word “no” is heard more often than others, children begin to protest. By biting and pinching others, they seem to be trying to break out of the too rigid framework set for them from the outside.
• Children who lack physical activity. If you move less than you want, then the need to bite becomes partially physiological.
• Children who just enjoy biting.

How to fight?

The way to deal with a harmful and traumatic habit directly depends on the reasons why the child began to bite.

If your baby's teeth are climbing, buy him silicone rings- teethers or special toys with "pimples" to massage the gums. They are sold in pharmacies and children's stores. Gels like Metrogyl help. But before using medications, it is better to consult a doctor.

If, while breastfeeding, you notice that the child has begun to "hooligan" - to bite on purpose, immediately take off the breast. So he will develop a reflex "bitten - lost food." He will stop biting quite quickly, because even the smallest child is not his own enemy, and he perfectly understands what he really needs for a comfortable life.

For older guys, it's a good idea to increase physical activity. Do exercises, gymnastics, send your baby to the swimming section.

Emotional children need to systematically "put into their heads" every day the idea that feelings can and should be spoken. Let him learn from an early age to express his emotions with the words: "I am scared", "I am offended", "I like this toy because it ...", "I do not want to visit, because ...".

If a child has weak chewing muscles, and he bites, as they say, not out of malice, eating solid food will help to cope with the situation - more often let the baby gnaw an apple, raw carrot, or cabbage stalk. A great exercise for the chewing muscles is to inflate balloons and soap bubbles.

It is advisable to work with a psychologist with children from so-called "conflict" families. And, of course, it is important to eliminate all negative factors that make the baby experience stress and accumulate aggression.

When to seek help from specialists?

Each parent must find the answer to this question himself, but you should be alerted to the child's "biting" behavior if he is already more than three years old, if an unpleasant situation has recently occurred in the family and in the kindergarten, which has made a strong traumatic impression on the baby's psyche. You should also consult a doctor if, in addition to increased "biting" and "tingling", the child has other oddities in behavior. For example, the baby began to show aggression and cruelty towards his toys (throws, deliberately breaks), animals (bullies), the baby can hardly concentrate on anything, does not sleep well at night. All of these signs can indicate the presence of a mental disorder.

You can often hear this advice “And bite him back. Let him feel! ”. It is categorically impossible to do this. Firstly, the baby can perceive it as a game, and begin to bite with a vengeance. And secondly, he takes an example from adults, and if mom can bite, then why can't a baby?

The task of the parents is to start stopping bites and pinches from the child as soon as possible. For children who are more intelligent than babies, the "Eye-to-eye contact" method is suitable. Squat down so that your eyes are at the same level as your baby's. Make eye contact and firmly, but without anger, tell the child: “Okay. Make. It is forbidden. Never. With no one." If your toddler tries to bite again, just take away eye contact. Do not look at him, no matter how he tries to draw attention to himself, show that it is unpleasant for you to communicate with a biter.

If a child has mastered the art of manipulation (usually this happens at the age of 1.5–2 years) and blackmails the parents with the help of bites, stop this in the bud. You should not enter into a contractual relationship with a little terrorist.

Impressionable children will not be very pleased if we scream loudly at the time of the bite. Make them feel sorry for you later, because you are in pain. Feel free to describe your bite or pinch discomfort to your baby.

If the baby at home is an angel in the flesh, and in kindergarten he stops as a bully and bites, talk to his teachers. Make it clear to them that the baby does not need to be punished in public - put in a corner in front of the whole group, scold loudly. Such actions usually have the opposite result - the baby will begin to bite even harder and more often, and he will do this in order to regain his authority in the team, and at the same time to protest.

When scolding a baby at home, remember that you should only condemn the child's act, and not himself. No matter how overwhelmed you are with negative emotions, do not allow weighty and offensive words, do not say that the child is bad, harmful, evil. He is your best, but his habit of biting is really bad and harmful.

Try to get an apology from the biting child. After each incident, he must ask the person bitten by him for forgiveness.

The most common reason a child bites and nibbles is an accumulation of internal aggression. Teach your child to give her a way out. To do this, play role-playing games. Play a scene at home on the topic “How will I behave if my toy is taken away from me in the kindergarten” or “What will I do if other children don’t take me to play with them?”. Let the child reproduce difficult situations for himself, and "act out" other possible solutions to the problem that he has already tasted.

What to do if a child offends other children or bites, see Larisa Sviridova's video.

Watch the seminar by A. Rumyantseva, which explains the procedure for parents to act if they are bitten by a child.

A small child may begin to bite at the time of the eruption of the first teeth, during breastfeeding and later, after a year, in situations where he cannot cope with the emotions that overwhelm him. How can mom and dad react to this behavior correctly and how to wean the beloved child from biting?

Mothers, members of the parent community Momshare on Facebook, share their life hacks:

1) hug tight

When he bit, they hugged him tightly and kissed him furiously. Angry, but stopped.

2) Agree

As the teeth appeared, I began to bite, I screamed and took away my chest. My daughter was upset and cried. By the evening I realized that she was biting, because it seemed to her that she had to bite off to eat, she was unable to eat, hungry, crying, I was crying in pain ... Then she hugged me and said in words that one should not bite to eat. So we agreed. 7 months old.

3) Find an alternate bite target

My daughter began to bite at about a year and a half. The very first did not start, but if something was taken from her, she bit. I had two life hacks.

Firstly, if she bit someone badly, then I later gave this baby a toy with her and asked for forgiveness. I bought it specially (we were in a rest house, and the children were all together) and went to give, explaining that you bit Masha, and now I am going to apologize and give her a toy as a consolation. It was a shame, the daughter really wanted such a toy.

And second: I bought her a rubber toy, said that it was a biting dog, and if she wants to bite, she can bite this toy as much as she wants. In about a month she weaned.

Comments Irina Chesnova, family psychologist, author of books for children and parents:

How to wean a child from biting? Let's start with the reasons that are directly related to the age of the baby.

Babies (starting from 5-6 months) bite adults' cheeks or hands most often because of unpleasant sensations in the mouth - their gums swell and itch, teeth are cut. Everything is simple here: teethers and gels with anesthetic effect save you (consult a pediatrician!).

The baby may also start biting while breastfeeding. Such behavior is nothing more than the very beginning of the separation of the child's “I” from the mother’s “I”. Your reaction: you do not tolerate pain, take your chest for a few seconds and, looking into the baby's eyes, say: “You can't do that, mom is in pain!”. Repeat each time the baby bites again. This will be for him one of the first lessons of clear cause-and-effect relationships (bitten - mom took the breast) and respect for himself and other people.

After a year, a new period of child development begins, when this world can be understood only by touching it and studying it with all the senses. Hence this passion to climb everywhere, reach for everything, bite, slobber, knock, leave your mark on the wallpaper (I am! I exist!). Starting from this age, babies usually bite when they are overwhelmed with feelings - anger, resentment, protest, disappointment, powerlessness. They need to convey their huge indignation to the "offender" as soon as possible, but how to do this when your vocabulary is scanty and communication skills are almost none? Therefore, pushing, banging, pulling and biting their hair is a common thing for them to express emotions.

What to do?

1. First of all, to understand in which cases the baby begins to bite, this will help to anticipate situations when teeth are used, and, if possible, prevent them - it is corny to physically stop the child by putting a hand to his mouth.

2. If, nevertheless, the baby turned out to be faster and bit: do not shout, do not scold, do not shame, and even more so do not bite back - this will show that such behavior is permissible. And your task is to teach the child the desired forms of behavior.

3. Go down to the same level with the baby and, looking directly into his eyes, say: "You can't bite, it hurts very much, and you can't hurt anyone." Do not expect that they will hear you the first time (they will not hear!), Be ready to say the same 10, and 100, and 1000 times. Your reaction should be firm and unchanging: you will not let the baby do what is not allowed and hurt - neither to other people, nor to yourself. Until the child stops biting, your task as a close, loving adult is to always be ready to physically stop him, to prevent the bite (still putting your palm to his mouth and talking about the inadmissibility of bites).

4. It is very important to gradually teach the child to separate emotional and behavioral reactions. Look: if a toy is taken away from a kid in a sandbox, he has the right to be indignant, he has the right to be dissatisfied, but to hit the “offender” on the forehead with a spatula or bite him - he has no such right. It will be very correct if you allow your chick to feel what is in his soul, and at the same time explain what is happening to him ("you are angry", "you are sad / painful / scared"), voice his condition ("of course , it's a shame when a toy is taken away ") and teach them to express their feelings in words, while finding a constructive way out of the current situation (" let's ask her back "). Once named, feelings and experiences become understandable, manageable, and less intimidating. The child begins to better understand himself and those around him. And through his mother's assistance and prompts ("let's ask her back") his social skills are honed and his behavioral repertoire is expanded, which is also only beneficial.

5. For the same - voicing feelings and expanding the behavioral repertoire - it is useful to play plot games (this is done outside a conflict situation, already at home, when everyone is calm and in a good mood). Take dolls, gloves or any other toys and act out scenes from the life of the child: play as someone who did not get something, or who was offended. It is also interesting to give the kid the "role" of the victim of a brawler or biter. So he will be able to better feel the inner world of the one who is being attacked, which will be another step in the development of one of the most important human qualities in him - empathy.

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Children under three years old quite often show incontinence and so-called affective reactions: they bite, beat, pinch, scratch, push their peers. It is worth saying that aggressive behavior at 1, 2 or 3 years is an extreme variant of the norm of the mental development of a small person.

Faced with the problem of a non-standard way out of child aggression, mothers tend to panic and unreasonably look for signs of ill health in the child's character. Naturally, you need to quickly figure out why the child bites, and take action. But it’s premature to label him as a pathology right off the bat.

In most cases, it is enough to show a little attention to the problem and carefully rebuild the baby's behavior through dialogue, play or exercise, depending on age. To help frightened mothers and fathers, reliable instructions have been developed on how to wean a child from biting at a particular age stage.

In this article, you will learn

Behavior at the border of the norm

Psychologists never tire of repeating: "Every baby is unique." The individual path of development depends on the style of family education, and on the individual characteristics of physiology and psyche. Even the most attentive and caring parents can be puzzled by how their child expresses emotions. But it is the emotional-volitional qualities that most actively influence behavior in early and preschool age.

There is an important pattern: the older the baby becomes, the more conscious and “psychological” biting, pinching and the desire to fight become. For example, a one-year-old baby will not intentionally hurt, but a two-year-old tomboy has quite likely learned that this is an effective way to achieve what he wants, is to bite or pinch another.

Take a look at the table below. Here is the most important information about how and why children show aggression at different ages. And how to deal with it for parents and teachers. ( Attention! The table can be scrolled left and right).

by the way! Deliberate scattering of things can also be a manifestation of the lack of formation of emotional-volitional processes. Don't let this behavior turn into manipulation.

Weaning methods

The table above summarizes effective and ineffective adult strategies for biting children. We will analyze useful corrective techniques in more detail.

Purchase of teethers

Stop at the classic shape and material - a silicone ring with massage elements. A chewing toy has no right to impose any stereotypes, for example, to imitate food, images of living beings or the sounds they make.

A child already at this age must strictly distinguish between what can be gnawed and what items are prohibited. Pain relief gels are naturally hypoallergenic and doctor-approved.

Ay! Painfully!

Timely activation of altruism (one and a half years is the optimal age) will positively affect the future character of the little person. It is important that the word “hurt” not be accompanied by an imitation of fear or disappointment.

It is better to put indignation and surprise into intonation. The subsequent temporary suspension of the game is not necessary for punishment, they say, "You are bad, I do not want to play with you," but to reduce mental arousal, which led to the loss of control. In other words, the child did not bite because he wanted to do it, but simply could not contain the emotional outburst.

“Have pity! Look, he's crying "

Building sympathy and empathy in children is another important pedagogical challenge for mums and dads. The ability to assess the emotional state of an interlocutor or play partner is a defining skill in communication at the next age stage - pre-preschool, when the child will have to reckon with the opinion of the group, social rules and family traditions.

It is best to appeal to children's sympathy and repentance for the insult inflicted through theatricalization:

• A stuffed toy can cry. Your best bet is to temporarily switch to glove puppets. They are easier to revive, they are better perceived by children as alive. It will not be difficult for a resourceful parent to imitate the sounds of crying, sobbing, and even real wet tears!
• If the aggression is directed at an adult, it is even easier to show the emotions of resentment and sadness. Even the most brutal dad can turn away, rub his eyes, whimper and complain about the pain. In the next games, secure the material with the help of cards with emotion masks. It would be appropriate to use the constructions "Show how you are smiling / sad ..."

Useful tales

Since ancient times, the tale has helped the older generation in a simple and accessible form to explain to children the complex laws of the world around them. Through the fairy tale, not only folk wisdom is broadcast, but also family traditions. Therefore, when choosing fairy tales for reading, think in advance whether their content corresponds to your ideas about the upbringing of the younger generation. What do you want to teach children?

In addition to folk tales, there are so-called therapeutic ones. You need to read them, like ordinary ones - in the middle of the day or at night. The only difference is that after such a fairy tale, an adult with children must necessarily have a conversation according to the scheme recommended by the author of the tale.

You need to select fairy tales according to the general idea: to normalize communication. For example, read famous stories about Cinderella and Snow White, while pointing out that both girls are kind, affectionate, attentive. The standard of the girl. It will become clear to the child that it is not possible to achieve goals by physical strength, but by patient waiting, polite requests and beauty. As a result, both girls became princesses.

For boys, you can choose the brave tailor or the Nutcracker as the reference hero. A prerequisite for reading any fairy tale is a dialogue with a child as the plot develops.

Literature:

Z. Brockett, G. Schreiber. " The healing power of fairy tales»;

N. Radina. " Stories and fairy tales in psychological practice»;

A. Kapskaya, T. Mironchik. " Fairy gifts. Developing fairy tale therapy for children»;

O. Khukhlaeva. " Therapeutic fairy tales in correctional work with children».

The easiest thing for a biting toddler is to come up with a biting cat story.

The essence of the story:

The cat was very beautiful, sweet and adorable, until someone reached out to pet her. It turns out that the poor thing was offended by evil boys, and now she quarrels even with those; who wants to be friends with her for real.

Questions to the child:

Do you think the biting kitty will have friends?

And why?

And what does a kitty need to do to find friendship?

Role-playing games

The game is the favorite and most understandable way for children to develop skills. And in the context of the topic, we are talking about communication and social skills. Invite the biting girl to play mother and daughter. She will not bite her "baby" for misdeeds or crying in a stroller?

Entrust the young biter with the training of an impromptu army of fighters from plush toys or neighborhood boys. Let him choose the right words and actions, and bites will gradually become an ineffective means of achieving goals.

Redefining parenting style

Children imitate their parents in many ways in expressing negative emotions. The child's psyche unpredictably refracts parenting experience. And where the mother shouts at the father in conflicts, the child may well begin to bite. Try to prevent children from witnessing family quarrels. And be sure to exclude destructive from the list of educational measures:

• directives in a rude tone;
• transition to screaming;
• threats “to send to an orphanage”, “to take out to the field”, etc .;
• assault: from cuffs to beatings.

Beating children seriously and constantly is not recommended by any specialist from pedagogy. Physical punishment does not breed authority, but fear is a bad counselor. But some people, for example, the famous doctor Komarovsky, allow small slaps on a soft spot - as a way to switch the baby's attention.

It is important for dad and mom to discuss parenting style with grandparents so that children do not find themselves between the despotism of their fathers and the connivance of grandfathers. It is desirable that all family members use the same rules and make equal demands on the child.

Bad example is contagious

Sometimes parents express their love for each other by gentle nibbling or "scratching". In the relationship of adults, such tenderness is permissible, but the child takes them too literally and therefore reproduces them incorrectly.

If the baby is more than 3 years old, explain that it is not necessary to hurt to express love, but rather deprive the baby of the opportunity to observe the "animal" relations of the parents for now.

Vector of aggression

A high level of anxiety, the reasons for which a specialist must find out, pushes children into rash actions and affects. Energy imbalance arises from the imperfection of the psyche. To redirect aggression in a positive direction, enroll the bully in a swimming, martial arts, or creative studio.

Redirecting children's energy is good advice for those mothers who notice any signs of anxiety in a 3-4-year-old baby: restless sleep, uncontrolled physical activity, decreased concentration, laziness, apathy, fluctuations in appetite, frequent tantrums or unreasonable tears.

What parents shouldn't do

During the period of weaning children from bad habits, parents have time to try a lot of techniques, including prohibited ones.

The secret of raising any child is very simple - you need to act consistently and methodically, without jumping from one system to another. Pick one line of behavior and follow it. The result does not always appear immediately.

There are children who need several repetitions of the same situation in order to master a certain experience. Be patient and persistent, but avoid what you can't do.

• Punishment of the baby. A reasonable parent understands that not a single action of a newborn is performed "on purpose", "out of spite", "out of a sense of revenge." The baby simply lives in accordance with natural laws, and his body reacts as written in the genetic program. Painful pinches or bites are an accident and the result of an imperfect nervous system.
• Abrupt termination of the game... In a year, one and a half or even two years, this method works against the parents themselves. The child is not yet sufficiently clear on the social reason for the "resentment" of adults. The abrupt removal of the mother from play and communication creates additional tension. In psychology, there are two interrelated concepts - deprivation (limitation) and frustration (acute experience of this limitation). It is useful for young mothers to know about them.
• Ignore politics... There is no punishment in the world of animals and man more terrible than ignoring! Being indifferent to the needs of an older toddler really works. But at 2-3 years old it is better not to experiment with this technique. The way out is kindergarten and participation in any stable children's group.
• Empty "no"... The prohibitive words "Stop!", "No!", "You can't!" are familiar to children from early childhood. Usually these words are directly related to security. If one wishes to bite, a security breach is relative and may not be entirely clear to the child. Better to use a construction something like this: "Don't bite (... name), he can hit you back." Then the warning takes on the necessary meaning. But be prepared for the child to check if the rule works and get his retaliation.
• Deprivation of entertainment... "I will take your toy / tablet / new dress from you if you bite again!" How are the incorrect emotional reactions of the baby related to his social needs? That's right, indirectly! But even you, as an adult, are unlikely to be able to draw a logical chain. And the girl does not understand at all what the dress is to blame. The situation is even worse for those children who are deprived of vital necessities for bad behavior: food, drink, sleep, movement, protection and information.
• Physical punishment... It's not just about hitting with a belt and heavy cuffs. Families practice such techniques as sealing the mouth with duct tape, rinsing with soapy water or bitter water. Even lip slaps can be challenged and categorized as cruelty.

The secret to correct punishment is both simple and very complex: it is not man who punishes man. Mom and Dad should always remain the guarantor of reliable rear for the baby. Therefore, punishment is the result of breaking the rules, and it is directed not at the child, but at his behavior. It sounds really difficult, but there is nothing impossible in the implementation of this principle.

Important! Having punished the kid, be sure to explain to him. Make it clear that you still love your baby and that you are very upset about how he is unrestrained in his behavior and endangering his own health or life. remember, that children need to be hugged several times a day even if you are at odds. Confidence in protection is a basic human need.

Mirrored answer... If you are not sure about the effectiveness of the reception, it is better not to answer the children in the "tit for tat" style. It is easy to violate the punishment principle outlined in the previous paragraph. The parent must not exhibit inappropriate behavior. It is better to properly ignore the bite - the element of behavior, and not the entire child's personality!

Watch the video in which child psychologist Marina Romanenko shares in great detail practical advice on getting rid of the child from this bad habit.

Bites in kindergarten: how to be parents

In a kindergarten, the usual home crying and whims cease to work, and boys and girls, spoiled by personal attention, begin to bite, scratch and throw toys.

Toddlers may also be unaccustomed to noise, violation of personal boundaries, and the demands of caregivers. The response emotion is the same - anger, but in its expression, it is replaced by actions that are more effective from the point of view of the baby. And now the child does not cry, but begins to fight.

Yours bites itself

If your child can strongly pinch or bite a friend and you know about this, warn the educators in advance. Be sure to prevent conflict by explaining that you are already working on the problem, but need pedagogical supervision during the day when you are not around.

If the incident happened for the first time and became an unpleasant surprise for you, do not rush to scold the conflict. Talk to him and find out why the child bites a friend, what object or event was the reason for clarifying the relationship, whether it was an attack or protection from the intrusion of a stranger into personal space. Otherwise, select exposure in accordance with the table above.

Others bite yours

Controlling yourself is difficult, but necessary. Try to react deliberately and without haste. Talk to your child first. Clarify the situation as in the previous case. Ask your baby not to create provocations for a while. And do not turn the child against a friend!

If possible, do not enter into conflict with the parents of the abuser - act through educators. They are more diplomatic in dealing with such issues. A consultation with a social teacher or a full-time kindergarten psychologist may also be useful for two families.

Important! Don't make the common parenting mistake of secretly intimidating the abuser. This will only intensify the confrontation with his parents, and it can harm the child himself.

If he plucks and fights

Biting, scratching, fighting, destruction - all these are links in the same chain. Children do not know any other way to cope with stress than to express their emotions outside. Other mechanisms have simply not yet taken shape.

Multiple and systematic signs of aggression in children are not the most positive symptom. It may be time for your family to see a specialist. There are quite common cases when the behavior of healthy children is diagnostic for a family psychologist.

• Prevent aggression. Aggressive behavior is a sign of imbalance in the family atmosphere. Perhaps there was a recent move, a stressful situation or the death of one of the relatives, the birth of a younger one, or even the acquisition of a pet. To prevent future problems, discuss your questions with a counselor. Learn to control outbursts of anger in children.
• Switch your attention. Before the aggression breaks out, switch the child's attention to another toy. A new activity or an interesting event from the outside world. Anger will subside by itself, and the nervous system will gain experience in controlling its own arousal. This recommendation is especially important for those parents who are faced with the choleric temperament of a little rebel.
• Hold the baby. When you don't know what to do, instead of physical punishment or lecture, just hug the child tightly and chat with him with any questions. This is an element of holding therapy that psychologists use even with non-speaking children. Note: sometimes holding reception provokes an increase in the attack of aggression. In this case, alas, you will have to wait and let the baby go only when he stops resisting.
• Offer food. Another simple way to explain to a fool that his behavior is inappropriate is to offer something that you can actually bite and gnaw. For example, for a one-year-old toddler prone to biting, keep fruit in his pocket: “Would you like to bite me? No. I do not like. Better bite an apple! " It will eventually turn into a funny joke.
• Talk about feelings. Instead of biting or pinching your child back, talk to him about how it feels. Note - not about feelings! Demonstrate what pain is. Be sure to warn that you are doing this for educational purposes: “Look, you pinched me. I can pinch you back. Here, feel it yourself. " Your impacts should be really unpleasant, but not make the baby cry!
• Sympathize with the victim... This works well from 2-2.5 years old. The offended person receives attention and protection, no one supports the offender. But do not overdo it with empathy so that your child does not begin to imitate pain, wanting to get your attention. You must be sure that you are giving your child enough affection, then his excessive jealousy is another pedagogical problem.
• Support but disapprove... Children tend to make mistakes and violate prohibitions. Even after scolding for another bite, still continue to be an affectionate parent. Remember that you disapprove of just one element of the behavior, not the whole personality of your child. Give the situation time, do not demand a quick result.

Watch another video with helpful parenting tips.

Reason for concern: when a doctor is needed

If you cannot cope with irritability and aggressive behavior for a long time, it is better to step over your pride and visit the office of a neurologist and psychologist. No one is interested in stigmatizing a child as deviant, but if everything is left as it is, the harm will increase. Be sure to consult and get recommendations from a neurologist if:

• There is a delay in speech, which prevents the baby from reaching an understanding with others verbally.
• The behavior combines different types of aggressive manifestations: verbal, facial, physical.
• The child is already over 4 years old and continues to ignore the biting ban.
• The brawler experiences obvious psycho-emotional arousal or even pleasure, causing pain to others.
• The fits of rage are not associated with explicit conflicts for any resources.
• Shows aggression towards pets.
• He sleeps and eats poorly, does not assimilate educational information, refuses to play with adults and peers.

The picture was not happy. Do not rush to ascribe any pathologies to your baby. Wanting to bite and bite while shaping behavior are completely different psychological structures.

Deviant behavior, the signs of which are not noticed until 4-5 years old, is a huge rarity due to the attentiveness of family members and the annual observation of a neurologist and psychologist in polyclinics. Most likely, your baby is simply formed according to his own individual scenario. And your job is to support and guide.

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As grandfather Freud assured us, we all want to simultaneously eat and destroy what we love. But adults are reasonable and wise enough to understand the impossibility of embodying this contradictory urge and to be reconciled.

Children are just beginning to be reasonable and wise. It is difficult for them to cope with desire due to the immaturity of the central nervous system: excitement from the hotbed of emotions easily covers most of the brain and activates motor activity. Therefore, both joyful and distressed Toddlers squeeze, knock, run, spin, and for them this is not a manifestation of aggression.

Therefore, I have no other advice for your crumbs, except: "You can't gnaw Mom, because I am against" and a prepared environment.

Someone who has a lot of space for self-realization is quite accommodating. “We don't pour water here, only here” - “Ok”. “In this area we paint with paint, pencils, plasticine, and in other places we don’t paint.” “Okay.” “Here are my spoons, forks, knives, pots, plates, glasses, jugs, and this is your utensil, and you cannot touch it” - "Okay, you, too, do not take my plug without asking."

In a year and three, it is usually interesting to know how to and how not to, knowledge on this topic easily becomes a source of pride. The main thing is that the scope for free action should be attractive. If for one tiny “Well, play” there are two hectares of “Vova, stop it”, you should not expect loyalty from the baby.

What to do if a child bites mom

• Interact actively. It is believed that it is easier for dads to toss, circle, indulge and mess with children, and therefore they often play like this. But the father is almost always a working parent. So the reason is not only that it is convenient for him to play like that, but also that it is so more convenient for children to throw out the energy accumulated during the time of missing a significant adult who has not been there all day. It is possible not only to bother, but also to shift attention with some trick, reducing the convenience of biting: tickling, circling, rolling in a thick blanket, kissing heels.
• Look for the right intonation. Sometimes a toddler misunderstands “what was said strictly” as a scary or aggressive message. In what voice will he hear firmness, grief, concern? Your task is not to condemn, but to make it clear that this should not be done. At the same time, it is unfair to reject a child who lasted so long without you and now wants to catch up.
• Dodge, but don't stop hugging. You are faced with a difficult acrobatic task: to deviate from unwanted behavior, condemning the bites decisively, calmly and correctly, but continue to hug, not break off contact.
• Offer an alternative. At the same time, try new things: to have more constructive options for the application of enthusiasm. A variety of games with water draws off excess stress. The context in which the baby can be alone with his mother is lively. Even if not for long, but completely undividedly he owns a small piece of your attention. Sometimes children need less to be happy than we think. Jumping around and over a tired adult who lay down on a sofa or carpet is a favorite pastime to which all ages are submissive. Before my eyes, the schoolchildren in the children's camp invented and enthusiastically indulged in the fun "in a hare": the counselor declares himself a hare, runs away from the children, then the crowd catches up with him, knocks down and everyone hugs.
• Create a meeting ritual. Look for forms of affection for both of you to create a meeting ritual. Stroke your baby on the back, offer to help you undress and put things back in place. There is a lot to list, look for something special just for your family.

If a child bites his mother not only when he meets, then this can be at least partially predictable. The task is again to hug in time, not giving the opportunity to gnaw, if you suspect that the baby is close to this. And every time to repeat: "You can't bite your mother, because I'm against it."

And more often hug biting, grown-up and independent, even introverts - neatly and in a form that is acceptable to them. Even those who are ticklish. In general, everyone and always, but taking into account their needs and your capabilities.

From baby 1-2 years old you can hardly expect anger or deceit. The more strange situations seem to parents when baby suddenly starts biting... There are still few teeth, but it hurts. What this behavior says and what to do for parents - a cheat sheet will tell you.

Age: 1 year old, up to a year

Why does the child bite? Possible cause: Teeth are teething, while the gums itch and itch, causing an irresistible urge to chew on everything.

What to do? After consulting with your pediatrician, use special gels that facilitate teething, dull pain (Kalgel, Kamistad). Offer the crumb to nibble on a biscuit, a slice of apple. There are many teethers for growing teeth on the market. If you do not react in any way to the baby's biting during this period, the biting habit may remain. And then, at the very first need to show emotions or achieve something, the child (quite possibly) will apply this technique. React calmly but firmly.

Reason: The child is hungry and, due to the fact that he still does not know how to express his desires in words, impatiently bites his mother's breast or hand.

What to do? Closely monitor the daily regimen and feeding. Offer food to the child before he or she demands it by biting.

Age: 1 to 2 years old, 1.5 years old

Why does the child bite? Possible Cause: An exploratory instinct is manifested. The kid wants to try everything "by the teeth", so he pulls everything into his mouth. Mom's hand is no less a coveted object for research: I wonder what happens if you bite mom?

What to do? Satisfy your baby's exploratory instinct. Make it clear that the consequence of these actions is the dissatisfaction of the mother. What happens if you bite mom? She will be angry, upset - that means that you cannot do this.

Reason: Trying to get attention. The baby may not have enough attention from the parents. Biting is a way to express your dissatisfaction, to attract attention. This also includes tugging at mom for clothes, whimpering, whims. A bite is already, as a rule, an extreme measure, testifying to childhood despair and powerlessness. A child at 2 years old can also bite because other ways to attract attention no longer work.

What to do? If possible, avoid such situations, try to allocate time for joint games, involve the baby in everyday household chores: cook together, clean up, water the flowers. A feature of children aged 1–2 years is an urgent need for parental care, care and love.

Reason: Inability to express your emotions (anger, resentment, excitement and even tenderness, yes yes).

What to do? At 2 - 3 years old, the child is already able to understand the explanations of an adult, to learn. Therefore, patiently explain to the baby that such emotions as anger, resentment are normal. They are tested by everyone, mom, dad, and grandmother. Show that there are other options Offer to playfully get rid of negative emotions together - to beat the pillow, for example

Psychological problems

At an older age - from 3 years old and more - children bite deliberately. There are reasons for this, and most often they are associated with relationships in the family or kindergarten. Therefore, if a child bites at the age of 3, 5 years, this is already a psychological problem, which is better solved by consulting a psychologist.

Possible reasons:

• Unfavorable atmosphere in the family, problems in relationships between family members,
• Resentment, hidden anger at an adult, lack of parental love (especially when a younger brother or sister is growing up),
• Abundance of prohibitions, biting is like a protest,
• The child does not know how to express feelings and emotions in other ways, and not only fear, excitement or resentment, but also love, tenderness,
• Bad example of other kids in the garden
• Excessive activity of the child.

Physiological problems also take place: allergies, toothache.

What to do? First of all, treat the child kindly, no matter what. Your aggression, excessive attention to the problem will only aggravate the matter. In these situations, it is important to find the key to a child's heart. Psychologists will help parents in this. The most important thing is to stay calm, show your child how much you love him. After all, it is not for nothing that folk wisdom says: Where there is peace in the family, there the children are well raised.