Through encouragement and punishment, parents influence their child. Thus, they show their attitude to the actions that the baby has committed. Encouraging children is a pretty effective parenting method, as a result of which the child has an incentive to behave well. If he does a good deed, remember to praise him. However, it is necessary to resort to rewards in moderation, otherwise its excess can have a detrimental effect on the formation of the child as a person. Why reward and how to praise a child?

Did the child do something good? So you need to encourage him. But how do you do it right?

Praise and Punishment

On the advice of psychologists, it is often not worth praising a child, otherwise it can lead to the development of negative character traits, the baby can become capricious, selfish and infantile. There are moms and dads for whom encouragement and material reward are similar concepts. They strive to acquire children's obedience with the help of money. Encouragement has a profound effect on behavior and helps your toddler learn good skills quickly. However, not all encouragement will be beneficial, and not all punishment will be harmful.

In upbringing, techniques are not divided into good and bad, but are appropriate and inappropriate. There are two types of reward and punishment: material and psychological. At present, preference is given to the material form of encouragement and punishment, that is, "I will buy a toy - I will not buy a toy."

This is common in the family and at school. Psychological methods are not often used. They are characterized by the interaction and relationship of people who are characterized by the manifestation of approval (attention to the baby, empathy for him, support, faith, etc.) and punishment (grief, resentment, indifference, anger, in some cases, anger). When using psychological techniques, you will need to spend much more mental strength, as well as resort to acting. As A. S. Makarenko wrote, in order to become a teacher, you need to be able to say the phrase "Come here" with 20 different intonations in your voice. If you use only material methods of encouragement and punishment, a person will grow up dependent, with low self-control, acting according to the situation: "Punished - not punished." For a person brought up on psychological methods of influence, the main factor controlling behavior will be conscience.

The psychological method of punishment is the most difficult, because thanks to it, the child must understand that he has committed an offense. And in this case, parents need acting skills.

From this we can conclude that praise can be both useful and harmful in the upbringing process. In order to avoid many mistakes, it is necessary to learn some simple rules, thanks to which you will learn how to use the methods of reward correctly.

What can you do to encourage your child?

There are many effective crumbs approval methods for different situations. How to encourage a child in the family? Psychologists recommend the following forms of reward:

The usual praise. This is the most well-known and widely used method in which influence is exerted with the help of words. This means, if the baby behaved well, the parents need to support him, praise him, approve the actions. Praise is comparable to the effect of a drug, since a child who is used to being praised will constantly feel the need for it. Praising too often can be harmful. The following restrictions must be observed:
- do not praise the baby for his own achievements (for example, for beauty, health, intelligence, strength, and the like);
- reward for one specific achievement only once;
- do not praise the child out of pity;
- do not encourage to please.
Weasel. This is also a fairly effective method, which is characterized by kisses, hugs, gentle strokes on the back and head. Sometimes they are more powerful than simple words. These measures are usually used in the upbringing of young children.
Joint games and entertainment. This is a pretty interesting method that is usually used when they want to get the baby to do something. For example, "we will go for a walk if you clean the room."
Removal of restrictions. When older children do good deeds, help adults, as a reward, you can expand their rights or remove prohibitions on certain actions. For example, if a toddler gets excellent grades in school, he can be allowed to go to bed an hour later.
Receiving a reward. Various toys, sweets, or other rewards can help get children to do the right things. The disadvantage of this method is that often children begin to demand such rewards for every act they do.

Rewards such as cash or candy can spoil the child. In the future, he will not want to do his duties just like that. And sweets in large quantities are generally harmful.

To achieve greater results, you need to use different forms of rewards. In this case, it is necessary to take into account the age of the baby and his psychological characteristics.

Parental mistakes when rewarding children

It was said earlier that using praise too often can negatively affect both the child and your relationship with him. Make sure you don't make the following mistakes when communicating with your baby:

It so happens that out of a desire to leave a pleasant impression or receive a reward, children behave well only in the presence of other people. Most often this is a consequence of excessive praise from parents or grandmothers: "You are the most beautiful in the world!"
It happens that some children begin to manipulate adults. This is due to the fault of the parents due to the frequent "bribery" of children with various rewards for each committed act. For example, when a child gave his brother or sister to play, the parents rush to reward him by buying him a new one.
Parents make the mistake of praising their child and belittling the dignity of other children. For example: "You drew a typewriter much better than Vanya." You should not do this, it will be more correct if you tell the kid that with each achievement he becomes smarter and more experienced.

You need to praise a child only for his actions, and you cannot compare with other children. Even if the kid did not succeed very much, but he tried very hard, find a little reason to praise, maybe this time he wrote the exercise (albeit with mistakes), but in a smoother handwriting?

How to reward a child for good behavior?

Incentives must be correctly applied and look sincere, otherwise the baby may not understand them correctly. How should a child be praised? Here are some recommendations that it is advisable to adhere to when raising children:

The kid must deserve every praise fairly. There is no need to praise him for the usual actions characteristic of his age: it is not the first time that the kid himself has put on a jacket or tied his shoes. On the contrary, it is necessary to note his significant achievements: the baby brought a bag to his mother or painted a drawing beautifully.
It will be better if you praise not the child himself, but his right deed. For example, if the kid has removed the toys in the room, he does not need to tell him: "What a smart you are with me." Here it is preferable to say: “After you cleaned, the room became much cleaner. It's so nice to be in it. " A general phrase will also not work, for example: "What a beautiful drawing." Better focus on the details that you like the most: beautiful flowers, funny teddy bears, etc.
Most often, children do not need praise or reward, it is more important for them to achieve satisfaction from the work done itself. In this case, parents need to express the baby's feelings and support him in his pursuit of improvement. “I'm so glad you could learn to ride a bike. And you are very pleased. Now you can try to ride together. "

Surely, each family creates its own individual rules of encouragement and praise. It is important to remember that they foster strong relationships between family members and do not interfere with the child's upbringing.

Reward board

In the store, you can now find an interesting set in the form of a board with cells and stars included. There you need to enter the name of the baby and the duties that he must perform (make the bed, wash the dishes, clean the room, etc.). For each completed task, it is necessary to glue one asterisk and as a result of the work performed, the child should receive some kind of reward (negotiated in advance).

Some parents organize a to-do list for their child. If all points are completed at the end of the week (day, month), the child will receive a reward

This method is characterized by the following features:

The method is well suited for children aged 3-10 years, but do not forget to take into account the individual characteristics of the child.
Do not write more than 5 points on the board.
In each paragraph, prescribe a specific action! Don't write "good behavior." Write specifically: "go to kindergarten", "go to bed in your bed", "remove toys."
The method must have positive motivation. Once you have attached a sticker, you cannot take it back.
Thanks to this method, the baby will not only have motivation, but also the opportunity to learn how to count and study the days of the week.
For the fulfillment of the obligation at the end of each day, the child should receive his reward - an asterisk.
At the end of the week, come up with an extra reward, like a walk to the park, your favorite cake, or something else. Emotions are much better than material ones. If this is not possible, you can buy a kinder.
Such a board, for children over five years old, can turn into a family board. A game like this will help build relationships with children 7 years old and older. For example, it will be interesting for a baby to watch dad's reading or mom's cooking (these points are not particularly significant), but for a child this has an important psychological significance. Accordingly, the prize should also be a family one.
Better to do this game 5 days a week, and on the weekend to pamper the baby a little and still present a reward.

Can a child be rewarded with money?

Rewarding money, for example, for studies, can harm the child. He will try to get more grades, but the quality of studies in difficult subjects may decrease.

There is controversy about the monetary method. Proponents of this method say that if you pay a child a small amount every week for good grades or for another deed, it encourages him to discipline. Opponents, on the contrary, believe that the receipt of money by the baby for everyday activities leads to the fact that he evaluates only the external result.

Some psychologists question the benefits of monetary rewards. According to experts, children should do their homework just like that. If you want to teach your baby how to manage finances, it is better to wait until he grows up a little. A student in the lower grades can already be given a little pocket money.

If the method of monetary reward does not work for you, parents with more experience advise you to replace it with an alternative method. For example, instead of coins, you can give out colored beads, beautiful buttons. You can develop your own payment system with your baby, where, for example, washed dishes will be equated to two buttons.

In order for the crumbs to have the desire to keep moving, he must receive a very worthwhile reward in a week. The reward can be a joint visit to a cinema, circus or children's entertainment center.

Why, for what and how to praise a child? In any case, the choice is always up to the parents. When choosing, do not forget to take into account the individual qualities of your child. Whichever method you choose, do not get carried away with unnecessary praise and reward, otherwise it can turn into parenting.

Clinical and perinatal psychologist, graduated from the Moscow Institute of Perinatal and Reproductive Psychology and Volgograd State Medical University with a degree in clinical psychology

Each child will eventually become an adult. So that he does not get lost in this huge world and be able to achieve success, from an early age he needs to instill self-confidence and independence. What can a parent do for this? Encourage him, teach him to achieve his goals and not give up. But how to do it? We offer effective methods for the development and encouragement of the child's independence.

Notice Good Behavior

We pay a lot of attention to the analysis of the causes and consequences of bad behavior, explaining to the child why it is impossible to behave this way.

But it is extremely important to notice those moments when he is behaving well. Be sure to praise him for that.

Play Lego

A child who builds some objects using colored blocks gets the first skills in architecture and engineering.

He also develops creativity and self-confidence.

Play checkers

Be sure to play with your child.

When a kid plays with an adult, he quickly learns all the features of the game.

Game "What if ..."

For example, ask your child what it would be like if we could breathe underwater.

Children can think creatively, and it is possible that your fidget will surprise you.

Give a task

Offer your child a specific project that will develop their skills. For example, ask him to help you create a menu for the week or build a house for three piglets.

This is how you create opportunities for critical thinking and problem solving.

Praise your child when he tries to do something difficult.

Children need to know that they are smart and capable. Praise the baby for giving the little sister a toy, because it was difficult for him to part with it.

Let me solve your problems

If your child's favorite outfit is dirty and needs to go to kindergarten, ask him what needs to be done.

Let him find the right suit for himself. You can step in if he needs a hint, but don't try to do everything for him.

Limit gadget use

Children who don't sit around all day with smartphones, tablets and laptops are more curious about the world around them.

Excessive media content can negatively affect the social, emotional and even physical development of the child.

Let her get bored

By allowing your child to be bored, you create the conditions for them to find ways to entertain themselves and show their creativity.

Help shape your daily routine

In childhood, habits are well established.

Help your little one build their daily routine every day so that they always know what to expect next and feel safe.

Help define the goal

Setting and achieving goals is one of the most important skills that develop during childhood. Start small. Help your child set a goal that he can achieve, for example, in a week. Parental encouragement will be very important here.

And do not forget to praise the child if it succeeds, or to help survive the failure if it didn’t succeed.

Give choice

Choice makes children feel more independent. Let your toddler choose the shirt he wants to wear or the dish he wants to eat for lunch.

Praise the effort, not just the result

If your child is trying to learn something, praise him already in the process of mastering new skills, and not only when you see the result.

But at the end, do not forget to note how great he is, this will motivate him to new achievements.

Send your child to a music school

Playing a musical instrument helps your child develop motivation, perseverance, and increases self-confidence.

Rose and thorns method

The method consists in the fact that every day your child talks about one success or good deed ("rose") and one mistake in behavior ("thorn"). It's even better if every person in the family speaks up in this way. For example, at dinner.

Work on a complex puzzle

If you give children difficult puzzles, it means that you think they are smart enough to solve the problem at hand. Do not do everything for them.

Instead, reward your child by saying that you are confident in his abilities that he will be able to solve the problem.

Hug

It is very important to show your affection for your child. This can be daily hugs, kisses, words about how you love him, playing with him, etc.

Talk about a time when you tried drugs or drank too much

When you talk to teenagers, it is important to share the experiences that you had at the same age, to talk about what you learned. Prepare them for success and failure and the consequences of their decisions.

Take your child to the climbing wall

Help your children learn to assess risks. Your main task is to prepare your child for what the world really is. Choose the appropriate risk option and let your son or daughter handle it himself. It could be sports or something else that you think is a little scary.

Admit it if you feel sad

Don't hide your emotions. Talk about feelings using appropriate words.

Children will learn from you because they may not always have enough language skills to explain how they feel.

Give your child a task

Define one thing for the baby that he will have to do every day. It could be feeding or walking the dog, loading and running the washing machine, or something else.

It is important that no one else is doing this business. In this way, the child will feel that he is benefiting the family, which will strengthen his self-esteem.

Say "I love you"

There is no better way to boost a child's self-esteem than to make them feel unconditionally loved.

If a parent can help him cope with negative feelings such as anger and sadness, then the child will find it easier to deal with difficult situations.

Let them walk home from school on their own

A prerequisite for building adequate self-esteem is a sense of independence.

Notice any signs of communication problems

It happens that at school, classmates tease or mock a child. These experiences have an extremely negative effect on his self-esteem.

Talk to your children and listen carefully when they talk about their problems.

Don't call yourself fat

Your child will look up to you in everything, so give him an example of good self-esteem.

By noticing only your shortcomings, you encourage your children to behave in the same way.

Come up with a holiday together

Children love a variety of parties. Ask them what to celebrate today. This will help develop their creativity and will surely boost their mood.

Read a book together

One of the best ways to help your child become self-confident and self-reliant is to develop and improve their skills daily.

Read a book, learn a new word from the dictionary, teach your toddler to sew on a button, or do something else. It works because it gives the child a new reason to be proud of himself.

Put your phone away when talking to your child

Take time to socialize with your baby. During this period, your phone should be far away, all cases are postponed for later. You should just be with your child.

Tell him that you want to know how he spent his day, what he thinks about, and what worries him. Even 10-15 minutes of such communication a day will play a big role.

Teach your child to wash their hair

Involve children in daily activities that concern them. For example, have your toddler dress or bathe himself. It helps children become more active, independent and self-confident.

For parents, this is a signal that raising their beloved children, they often resort to bribery. In the future, such a person develops a habit of doing good only when he receives material reinforcement, he becomes cynical and calculating. Relations with loved ones are deformed, turning into commodity-money.

Only sometimes you can reward a child for a good deed with a small surprise, but do not first discuss with the child the conditions for receiving a gift. The kid should not have a rule that he will always be rewarded for good deeds.

It is highly undesirable to use money in education.

It is unacceptable to reward a child for one good deed with expensive toys or things. It is highly undesirable to use money in such a matter as education.

An important clarification about pocket money. The amount given should not depend on the behavior and skills of the child. Children over 6.5 years old can be given a small amount of pocket money weekly to teach them how to handle money wisely.

Prize or bonus system

But for the formation of a useful habit or correction of the child's behavior, you can use the prize system. It is wonderful and very effective. upbringing reception, when you need to teach a child so that he does not forget to brush his teeth, gets used to cleaning up after himself on the table after class, does physical exercises in the morning, dress himself, etc.

Photo source: pixabay.com

It is important for adults to remember when using this reward method rules, compliance with which guarantees a positive result.

A child receives a prize only if he fulfills the necessary condition during the week and collects the required number of points. For clarity, you can mark points in the calendar by drawing a sun, an asterisk for a good deed. For a preschooler, the number of points should not be very high. (4-5 years old - 5-7 points, and for 6-10 years old - 10-15).
Decide on the child's habit that needs to be corrected. It will not be possible to correct several character traits at the same time through the prize system. This should be done gradually, without overloading the child.
For the desired behavior, the child should receive bonuses daily, be consistent, then the reward for you will be the achievement of the goal. Do not scold the child if he did not fulfill the necessary condition, do not read lectures. In this case, with a slight sadness, without reproach, express regret that the deadline for receiving the prize has been postponed.
When a child has collected the required number of stars or chips, he will definitely receive a well-deserved prize!

Usually the habit formed remains if the prizes are used 3-4 weeks in a row.

The bonus system will help your child develop self-control, the ability to achieve a set goal. Moreover, the reward system itself has nothing to do with bribery. It is not a substitute for the little adult surprises you can to please the child "just like that" showing your love and care.

It is important to remember that the prize system does not replace other effective methods of education, it is used only as an additional game technique. The bonus system should not be applied to ordinary daily housework - these are the affairs of each family member, they are performed for the general benefit. The reward in such matters is cleanliness in the house.

How do you encourage children?

Encouraging children is a very effective way of parenting, which is an additional incentive for good behavior. This is why it is necessary to use a wide variety of forms of praise.

But parents should be careful about rewards, since their excess can negatively affect the formation of a child's personality. What is the right way to encourage a child and what is not worth praising for?

Psychologists clarify that praising children often leads to the appearance of such unpleasant character traits as capriciousness, selfishness, and infantilism. Some mums and dads do not see the difference between rewards and material rewards, seeking to enlist children's obedience with money.

Consequently, praise can be both a useful and a harmful parenting "tool".

A few simple rules will help you master the art of reward, and once mastered, you can avoid many educational mistakes.

What can you do to encourage your child?

In fact, there are many forms of toddler approval that work effectively depending on specific situations. What methods of encouragement do psychologists single out?

The most widely used and most common method of reward is conventional praise, which involves verbal stimulation. Simply put, the child is praised for good behavior, his actions are approved, supported by the parents.
Another effective method is caress, which includes kisses, hugs, gentle strokes on the back or head. Sometimes they are more important and much more effective than ordinary words. This form of reward is most often applied to young children.
An interesting way to motivate yourself is to take extra time to play or play together. It is often used to get children to do what they want. For example: "We will go to the playground as soon as you clean the room."
If grown-up children behave well, help adults, they can be encouraged by empowering and lifting prohibitions on any action. For example, schoolchildren are allowed to go to bed half an hour or an hour later for good grades.
Toys, sweets and other rewards motivate children to do the right things. However, this method should be treated with caution, since many children begin to demand material incentives for each of their actions.

The best effect can be achieved using various methods of rewards, depending on the age of the baby, his psychological characteristics.

Parental mistakes when rewarding children

We have already said that rash use of praise can harm both the child and your relationship with him. Check if you are repeating the following mistakes when communicating with your baby.

Sometimes children only behave well in the presence of other people, wanting to receive a reward or make an impression. This is often due to excessive praise from parents and grandmothers: "You are the smartest boy in the world!"
Little manipulators grow up in families in which adults try to "bribe" children with various rewards for any good deed. Did the child share a typewriter with his little sister? Adults buy him a new toy, etc.
Some parents praise their child, while belittling the dignity of other children. For example: "Your drawing is much more beautiful than Masha's." It is preferable to compare the child with himself, pointing out that with each achievement he becomes smarter, more economical.

How to reward a child for good behavior?

In order for rewards to be sincere, relevant and correctly understood by children, you need to use them correctly.

Any praise must be fair and consistent with the child's behavior. So, you should not praise, give gifts for the natural behavior at his age: the baby once again put on a blouse, laced up his shoes, etc. And on the contrary, be sure to mark important achievements and significant actions: the child helped his mother carry the bag, drew a beautiful drawing.
It is preferable to praise not the baby himself, but his good deed. If the child has removed the toys in the nursery, you should not say: "You are my clever one." Better say, “After cleaning, your room is so clean. It is very pleasant to go into it ”. And don't get off your praise with general phrases like: "Beautiful drawing." Mark the elements of the image that you especially liked: bright flowers, a tree that looks completely alive, funny bunnies.
Often, children do not need praise or reward, it is important for them to enjoy the creativity itself or a new achievement. In this case, parents can voice the child's feelings and thereby support the desire for knowledge. “I am very glad that you learned to ride a bicycle. You look happy and pleased with your success! Now we will ride with you in the park. "

Of course, every family has its own rules of encouragement and praise. The main thing is that they help establish good relationships between households and do not interfere with the upbringing of the baby.

Can a child be rewarded with money?

The method of monetary reward has both supporters and ardent opponents. Followers of this method note that weekly payments for good grades or small amounts for washed dishes discipline children. Opponents believe that a child who receives money for household chores is guided only by external results.

Many psychologists also have a negative view of monetary rewards. Experts are sure that children should do their homework disinterestedly. If you want your child to learn how to manage money, wait until he grows up. The younger student can already be given pocket money for petty expenses.

Experienced parents offer alternative ways to reward good behavior. If you don't like the idea of cash reward, find an alternative to money.

For example, multi-colored beads, bright buttons will be an excellent substitute for coins. Develop a payment system with your child, according to which washing dishes will correspond, for example, to two buttons.

In this case, children should be able to “earn” something meaningful in a week so that they have the motivation to move on. An incentive can be a joint trip to the cinema, circus, a visit to the children's entertainment center.

Whether to use the method of monetary reward is up to the parents to decide.

Do not forget that when choosing a method of encouragement, you should take into account the personal qualities of your child. Even when choosing the best method, use it very carefully, as overuse of praise and rewards can easily turn into parenting.

>> Encouraging children

Methods for encouraging children. How to reward your child?

There are different methods of encouraging children and this is no accident. Without encouragement, the child cannot develop normally. Even an adult with an already formed psyche cannot do without rewards. It is not for nothing that many employers pay bonuses to their distinguished employees, award medals and souvenirs, and express oral and written gratitude.

And for a child, this need is even higher, but many parents do not know how can a child be encouraged... And their methods look strange and cause, to put it mildly, surprise. Earlier, we already had an introductory article and a detailed article about. Now we will talk in more detail about their encouragement.

Why should children be encouraged?

Their approval means for him recognition of his skills, abilities and himself. If there is no approval and support from their side, then he does not feel comfortable. and naughty. His behavior seems to tell his parents: "You do not recognize me, and I do not recognize you. And I will do everything my own way."

How can you not encourage a child?

You cannot encourage a child with money. Parents rewarding their children for their good behavior or good study or doing any household chores is extremely detrimental to their personal development.

If you constantly reward a child with money for fulfilling his duties, which he and so MUST perform, then he will cease to respect these duties and requirements of the parents, if they are not backed up by money. It turns out that the child cannot be asked for anything. You can only buy it. Hardly any of the parents wishes such a "fate" for their child.

In fact, why should a child be rewarded for doing household chores? He lives in this house, enjoys the comforts and eats. Children should be equal with their parents, including in the matter. If children do not do what they need to do, then they are unlikely to develop a sense of responsibility.

Next, we present a dialogue between a father and nine-year-old Kirill, which took place in one of the families after the child refused to go to the store and buy bread. The father called his son and began a conversation with him:
- Cyril, you refuse to go to the store, why?
- I do not want.
- OK then. Who should go?
- You. Or mom.
- But mom ironing the linen, she can't. And I'm fixing the bathroom faucet. Listen, Kirill, are we one family, or not?
- Yes, alone.
- Should parents and children in a family help each other?
- Yes, they should.
- I think so too. Look, I make money for the family, buy groceries at the store, fix it up if anything breaks. Mom has cooked for us, she has beautifully decorated the house today and is now stroking things for you to go to school. You see, we all work for the good of the family, we all benefit, and not only use everything that we have. If a person does not benefit others, but only lives at the expense of them, then he is a freeloader, and no one loves such people. Do you wanna be a freeloader?
- No I do not want to. Only I'm small for now.
- You're small, right. Those. you won't be able to earn money and provide for your family?
- No.
- Okay, okay. And cook the food and iron the laundry? Also unlikely. OK then. Let's see what you can do.
And then the father and son found out that Kirill could take out the trash, he could buy milk and bread and pick up his younger brother from the kindergarten. And from now on, these actions became the boy's duties, and he no longer refused to perform them. The given example showed how competently he performed his own.

But, it is worth noting that children should be full participants in all areas of family life. Including spending money. Therefore, it is necessary to allocate some amount of money for personal expenses per week or once every two weeks. But, at the same time, this money should not be tied in any way to the child's performance of his household duties or behavior. This shouldn't be a reward. Children fulfill their responsibilities because they have to contribute to the family. And they get a little money for their expenses, because they are members of this family.

It is harmful to reward a child not only with money, but also with toys, sweets or other things. They also form the child's dependence on rewards for fulfilled requests.

How can a child be encouraged?

It is possible and necessary to encourage a child. One of the best rewards is praise. The child seeks recognition from parents and older children. And well-deserved, sincere praise can increase his self-esteem. At the same time, the praise should be sincere and the "degree" of praise should be commensurate with the achievement that the child has achieved. If for the fact that a five-year-old child has folded a pyramid, you begin to praise his "achievement" to heaven, then he will feel false and perceive it not as praise, but as a mockery of himself.

In addition, there is no need to praise the child for ordinary, natural things. You really need to praise for something more or less important and interesting. And if he came, washed his hands and put his clothes back in place, it is hardly worth praising him. Because, in this case, the value of the praise decreases and ceases to be meaningful to the child. These are ordinary things and they are done, as they say, "automatically". But, about whether it is necessary to praise the child and how to do it, we will talk in a separate article.

Further, one of the types of encouragement is trust in the child, oddly enough. However, not all parents know this and underestimate this moment. What is the trust in the child we are talking about? It consists in giving the child some independence. Those. you need to entrust the child with the tasks that he wants to do or allow the child to help you.

To make it clearer what we are talking about, we will give a few examples. Three-year-old Nadia, seeing that her mother was going to water the flowers, wanted to do it instead of her. But my mother gently, with a smile, said to her: "No need, you can pour the water. Better myself. You better go and play. Nadya glanced angrily at her mother, stamped her foot and left the room."

With her negative answer, the mother showed her daughter that she did not trust her. Although she said it affectionately, this is exactly how the mother does not trust the girl, because she is afraid that she will pour milk. But let's say mom would let the girl water the flowers. What would happen? Well, she would have poured some water, but the mother would have allowed her daughter to show independence and would have shown that she trusts her. And for Nadia it would be the best encouragement.

Another example. Five-year-old Maxim, together with his mother, went for a walk to the playground. At first, he played in the sandbox, and my mother was sitting next to him. Then Maxim asked: "Mom, will I ride the swing?" Mom replied: "Okay, just let me, I'll put you in bed myself, otherwise you can hit." When his mother sat him on the swing, Maxim said: "Mom, come on, I'll swing myself," but my mother replied: "No, come on, I'll swing you, otherwise you might fall." And Maxim just sat on the swing, and his mother rocked him.

Soon he got tired of it, and he wanted to ride the hill. But even here his mother deprives him of any independence: "Give me your hand, I will help you climb onto it. Otherwise, you can fall and hit." Having rolled a couple of times, the boy said he was tired and went home. As a result, during the walk, the five-year-old kid never ran, jumped, or had fun.

At the same time, this woman herself believes that she is doing hers correctly. After all, the child returned from a walk "alive and well". And the mother of this baby does not understand in any way that the efforts of the mother to prevent his "injuries", in fact, only emphasize that he is weak and helpless. But this is not so. A five-year-old kid is already quite independent, so that, under the supervision of adults, he can play on the playground himself and communicate with his peers. And if you give him such freedom, then this will be the best encouragement for the child from the mother.

So, more confidence and independence in the child. Trust your child and support him in any endeavors (if it is not dangerous for him). This is one of the most powerful rewards for him, but almost all parents do not use it. And completely in vain. Do not be afraid that the child will fail. Your task is to observe, help, if necessary, and hold him if he failed, saying: "Well, it's okay. We'll try again, and you will succeed."

And to do this, moms and dads need to develop a sense of courage. After all, they are more afraid than their little children. And completely in vain. This parental fear interferes with the development of the child. Parents, put aside unnecessary fears and remember that the happiness of children is in your hands.