If the runny nose is left untreated.

An untreated runny nose runs the risk of becoming an inflammation of the paranasal sinuses (sinusitis), and an infection from the paranasal sinuses can spread into the cranial cavity and result in meningitis. Treatment includes home treatment (if possible), drinking plenty of fluids, and rinsing the nasal cavity.

Children in elementary school do not always understand how to establish friendly communication with classmates. It is in the power of parents to help their child improve communication skills and explain how to avoid or resolve conflict situations.

Role of parenting position

The attitude of parents to others often becomes decisive in the child's ability to communicate with other children. There are two situations that increase the risk of peer rejection of the baby. One of them is closed, uncommunicative parents who are not able to teach their child how to effectively interact with children and adults. When the baby sees that mom and dad shun people and spend most of their time in solitude, they unconsciously adopt this pattern of behavior. After all, the parental example is authoritative for any child.

Another situation is parental aggression towards others. It is not uncommon to find adults who blame others for their problems and take a rather extreme position. Children of these parents usually behave aggressively and selfishly in a team, which makes them unable to truly make friends with their peers.

However, we must admit that more often problems with communication arise in timid than eccentric children. Therefore, a shy and introverted child is in dire need of adult help.

Common mistakes children make

According to the observation of psychologists, many children who do not get along well in a team make the same behavioral mistake: they show excessive emotionality and resentment. When a child easily succumbs to the provocations of classmates, crying or shouting because of a minor remark addressed to himself, peers notice this and begin to use it.

Of course, parents should explain these moments to the child, even if he has never had conflicts with classmates. It is necessary to convey the idea of ​​how important it is to manage your feelings, restrain emotions and behave calmly when communicating with people.

To help your child improve relationships with classmates in time and prevent conflicts, gently control the situation. Not all children can tell their parents about their problems. And the older the child, the more he withdraws into himself, fencing off his personal life from family members. You should regularly show interest in your baby's affairs, but do it very unobtrusively.

If your child has certain problems, be it nervous tics or the need to take medicine by the hour, be sure to warn the class teacher about this so that he can help the child feel comfortable in the classroom under these circumstances.

In the case when the child has already had unpleasant collisions with classmates, advise him to slightly change his behavior tactics. For example, invite him to laugh with the guys over an offensive joke, instead of waving his arms and shouting. If the kid, on the contrary, is too timid, let him look into the eyes of the attacking peer and show that he is ready to fight back. Behavior in an unfamiliar pattern can unsettle others and end conflicts.

Try to ensure that your child interacts with classmates outside of school. Invite them over, host parties, and encourage them to participate in extracurricular activities. In a relaxed and non-academic setting, it is much easier for guys to make friends with each other. Most importantly, develop your child's self-confidence. It is the parents who are the best at helping to overcome complexes and phobias, including the fear of communication. But if family members are too critical or demanding of the baby, this will only exacerbate the situation.

Calm parents who are sympathetic to childhood failures and successes are the key to a balanced, happy and sociable child.

School is a place where people learn and gain knowledge. Yes, you can't argue with that. But everything is not limited only to lessons, teachers and homework. At school you spend most of your time and whether you like it or not, you have to communicate with all kinds of people - your classmates and classmates.

It's great if the class is friendly and the guys treat each other well. However, you yourself know: no matter how good the relationship in the class is, quarrels, showdowns and conflicts cannot be avoided. In addition, there are always a few students who are disliked. They are not friends with them and do not even communicate, and if they do talk, it all comes down to teasers in order to offend or offend. To be rejected is not something you wish for anyone.

Who becomes outcast? Why is this happening and what to do if you are among them?

Outcast - a stigma for the whole school life?

The family perceives you for who you are. Parents love you not for something, but simply because you exist. Of course, you are used to being treated with love.

But at school everything is different. A class is a team that you need to join. And if you are somehow different from others, then you run the risk of being numbered among these most rejected. They use stupid nicknames, which are awarded to those who somehow stand out from the bulk: mama's daughter, crammed, fool, fat, crazy, sneak ... Carefully read the next section. Perhaps among the listed types of outcasts you will find someone you know. Or even yourself.

Fool, jester, clown ...

Sometimes seemingly harmless nicknames stick so that a person is no longer called by name. Few people like it if they call him a fool. Of course, you can call so annoying Ivanov, who constantly tugs at your pigtails or brazenly cheats off tests. Ivanov, most likely, will not pay attention. But if the nickname fool is firmly stuck to one of your classmates, you can only sympathize with him. Surely there is a kind of clown in your class who, during the teacher's explanation, grimaces, grimaces and mimics his manner of speaking. Everyone laughs at the top of their lungs at the fool's antics, but this is only during lessons. And as soon as the bell rings, the clown is bypassed, and he remains in splendid isolation. Why? Because no one wants to be a fool's friend! Nobody will talk to a fool, let alone be friends ... Nevertheless, the jester himself would be glad to communicate, but he just does not know how to attract attention to himself. So it turns out that maybe someone will regret it, but no one will stoop to friendship with a fool.

Crazy

It is unlikely that someone from the class will be friends with a person who is called a nutcase. And who wants to communicate with someone who has absolutely no control over himself? Psychos often throw notebooks and books in a fit of anger, and if they receive a remark from a teacher or a bad grade, they may burst into tears or, on the contrary, slam the door loudly and run out of the classroom. You never know what the psycho will do at one moment or another. That is why no one will be friends with a psycho - you never know what will come into his head this time!

Crammed

Someone really disliked by classmates is cramming. The attitude towards these guys is initially negative. Although, it would seem, they go to school in order to gain knowledge. Then why are cramps not held in high esteem? Someone who, and they already know everything perfectly well!

They know, but they are in no hurry to share their knowledge. The chisel pulls his hand when no one from the class knows the answer to the teacher's question, during breaks he does not part with his textbooks, but spends all his free time doing homework. But try to cheat from him during the test! Crammed with a clever look will declare: "It was necessary to teach at home!"

Naturally, after such a desire to ask about something disappears completely. Yes, and no one will communicate with the arrogant, that's for sure.

Suck

A sucker is practically no different from a crammer. He also constantly pulls his hand when no one knows the answer, he also sits with books, and also does not allow to cheat. The only difference is that suckers are much worse crammed. They are always trying to serve the teachers, constantly curry favor and inform on others. If you're a sucker in your class, they probably don't like him. Although they do not like it - to put it mildly! It’s sickening to watch the sucker smile ingratiatingly, helping to drag a heavy teacher's bag or slipping another chocolate bar on the teacher’s desk. To be friends with an informer, a sneak and a sneak? Hardly anyone will stoop to this!

Sissy

Those who are overprotected by their parents (especially grandmother or mother) are teased in class by their mother's sons or daughters. They like to humiliate and offend such guys, but not openly, but surreptitiously. Still: just a little, mama's son runs to complain about harmful classmates, who then get it in full. Even if mama's sons are not openly teased, few agree to be friends with them.

How not to be rejected

What if you recognize yourself in one of the listed types of outcasts?

Maybe you yourself do not understand why you have incurred the discontent of others? It seems that she did nothing bad to anyone, and as a result, there are no friends in the class. It's good if your classmates are neutral and indifferent to you, but cases of bullying, beatings and even worse are possible.

The school has a set of unwritten rules that must be followed to be respected. Don't know how to behave? Here you will find a list of things to do in school.

- Be sympathetic and cordial. There are many in this world who deserve sympathy. Have pity on a stray dog ​​who was offended by hooligans, a classmate who was undeservedly scolded, a penniless beggar. If you truly sympathize with others, people will reach out to you and respect you.

- Be kind. No matter how trite it sounds, kindness has not bothered anyone yet. Help your friends when they need it. Don't be greedy, treat your neighbor on the desk with an apple, lend money for travel, give your classmate a textbook or a pen if he forgot them at home. Be generous, but don't curry favor, and you will never be known as greedy or sycophant!

- Remember: there are no sinless people. Everyone has their own shortcomings, and if you are friends with a person, accept him for who he is. Do not try to remake your best friend, do not judge your friend for inattention and absent-mindedness. Each person is unique - you must admit that if everyone were correct and ideal, life would become very boring!

- Be honest with others. People value sincerity, so don't be afraid to tell the truth. Classmates are unlikely to believe you, knowing that you are constantly lying to your parents or teachers. After all, this means that with the same ease you can deceive them! Nobody wants to communicate with a dishonest person.

However, there are situations where it is very difficult to make a choice. On the one hand, it is in the interests of the class to tell a lie to an adult: if your lie can save a classmate from reprisals (even if he deserves punishment), peers will regard lying as a good thing. But if you tell the truth, you may be considered a traitor. On the other hand, you can never remain silent if someone is being bullied.

What if you don’t want to lie, but telling the truth is not an option? In this case, it is best to remain silent. Then you will not betray your friend. However, the choice is yours. You yourself must decide who is important to you - a friend or someone else.

- Do not give vent to emotions! Tantrums and tears do not paint anyone. You are not a little girl to cry over failure. Sometimes it is better to remain silent and proudly retire than to show your weakness. Then, at least, no one will have a reason to call you a crybaby or a hysterical woman.

- Responsibility is a great quality. Always keep your word! Remember, there is nothing worse than broken promises. Better not to get down to business if you cannot complete it.

Approach school responsibilities responsibly. Don't shy away from assignments if you don't want to seem irresponsible and incapable of making decisions!

- Be decisive and courageous, always achieve your goal, even if it is difficult. Take responsibility for your actions: if you made a mistake, you should correct it, not mom or dad.

- Keep the secrets entrusted to you. Do not stoop to gossip, only vile people, cowards and hypocrites, and even grandmothers at the entrance, slander and gossip. If you are unhappy with a person's deed, tell him to his face! You're not a coward to talk nasty things about a person behind his back, are you? Do not betray your friends: betrayal is not forgiven!

- If you have any beliefs, do not change them twenty times a day. Consistency in views is an important quality! But don't be too serious either. Learn to treat your problems with humor, because you remember that laughter is the best medicine! Be able to laugh at yourself. After all, this is an art that not everyone owns. If you treat yourself with humor, it kills any desire to tease and taunt you. And what is the interest in laughing at a person who can laugh at himself? And yet, don't let the class make you laughing stock.

If you are an outcast

But what if, despite all your efforts and efforts, classmates do not accept you? If they are not just indifferent and indifferent to you, but mock, or, even worse, stoop to bullying and beatings?

Here are our tips if this has affected you.

- Do not despair and do not panic! There is nothing worse than panic, as you know, it also sunk ships. It is best to seek help from an adult. But these should be people who are able to listen to you, understand and take concrete measures. Bullying and beatings must stop! If your offenders just hear the condescending "don't hurt others, this is bad", it is unlikely to affect them. Almost certainly the result will be exactly the opposite: the beatings will not stop, but will begin with a vengeance, and, on top of that, they will also call you a scammer.

- When talking about the reasons for the bullying, try to understand what caused it. If you really did something that offended or set up your peers, honestly tell us about it. One way or another, everything secret will become clear, so your objectivity and justice are now only for your benefit.

❧ Do you remember how in the story of Viktor Dragunsky Denisk poured semolina porridge on the head of an unsuspecting passer-by? After all, no one listened to the unfortunate child who was disgusted with such food, from a victim he immediately turned into a liar.

- If you are offended at school, do not despair. Find a line of behavior for yourself that will help stop bullying. Why is bullying in the classroom? Because just learning is boring, so you need to entertain yourself with something! How? Catch the victim in a misdemeanor that shows her from a disadvantageous side, and start persecuting her on a "legal" basis! It's fun, the lessons will fly by unnoticed, but what else is needed for happiness?

Moreover, resistance does not lead to anything. The victim will be immediately reminded of what she did and what she will be punished for. At the same time, the severity of the punishment significantly exceeds the seriousness of the offense. The pretext is found, you can scoff at full strength! And in fact, in fact, nothing else can be called bullying. A well-mannered person will never stoop to such baseness, and you do not allow yourself to be mocked!

If you realize that you have become a victim of bullying, immediately seek help from an adult. Don't be afraid to tell me that you are being bullied. Sometimes the only way out is to move to another school. Remember: asking for this is not cowardice and not an attempt to escape from difficulties! If you don't want to live in constant fear of your classmates and become a downtrodden victim, this is the best option.

But if it is not possible to transfer to another school, you need to show courage and determination. Never show your offenders that you are hurt and hurt, otherwise they will redouble their efforts and begin to turn your life into hell. In this case, you can try to become indifferent to bullying. Deprive offenders from the pleasure of seeing your suffering. Don't pay any attention to them.

But silence is not an option either; it can be perceived as a manifestation of weakness. If your things are taken away, resolutely demand them back, if they beat you, hit back, do not be afraid to fight back! Perhaps, if the persecutors see that the victim can show teeth, the pleasure of being stalked will disappear and the bullying will stop.

If all is ineffectual and the bullying not only does not stop, but can already cause serious harm to your physical and mental health, do not be afraid to seek justice! Contact the police, the press, those who can really help you. Sometimes this is the only way out. Remember: you are a person who should be respected, and do not let anyone mock you!

How can you help your child build relationships with classmates?

It is the family that provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation in the team. But often they notice before teachers that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has a bad relationship with classmates. In this case, you need to take immediate action - it is better to go and talk about the disturbing symptoms with the homeroom teacher to dispel doubts than to allow the situation to spiral out of control. In a similar situation, parents turn to a school psychologist for help.

When communicating with the parents of unpopular schoolchildren, I conditionally singled out several types of their reactions the situation in the classroom.

1. Parents understand that the child has communication problems, but do not know how to help him (sometimes they are convinced that this is impossible). They admit that in childhood they also experienced difficulties in communicating with peers.

The mother of the second-grader Fedya is very withdrawn herself, at school she hardly communicates with anyone, waiting for her son after school, at parental meetings and holidays she usually avoids other parents. I always see her with an anxious expression on her face, during a conversation with me or the class teacher, she keeps herself tense. Once we witnessed Fedya's quarrel with classmates. Mom was confused and scared.

Uncommunicative, withdrawn parents cannot teach a child to effectively interact with others. After all, the most important example is the example that parents give their children when communicating with other people.

2. Parents believe that the child is all right, and if there are any problems, the others are to blame for them: teachers who improperly organize communication in the class; children who are aggressive and do not know how to communicate normally; their parents raising their children in the wrong way.

The mother of a very aggressive boy, Andrei, did not want to admit that the problem was not her son's classmates, but his inability to communicate with them. Andrei loved to laugh at the failures of his comrades, called them names, and tried to lead in games. According to the results of sociometry, it turned out that none of his classmates wants to take Andrey into his team and no one would entrust him with their secret.

By the way, sometimes it is the position of the parents that becomes the reason for the rejection of their child by others. The child gets used to consider others to be guilty of his problems, does not know how to admit his mistakes, treats his peers with a sense of superiority, does not want to reckon with their interests and opinions. In the studies of V.M. Galuzinsky emphasizes that the reasons for the rejection of some tenth graders lie in the individualism fueled by the parents (for example, emphasizing the special giftedness of their child in comparison with those around them).

Sometimes parents are right - those around them are really to blame for the bad attitude towards their child.

The negative attitude towards Senya from the first grade was provoked by the class teacher, who disliked both Senya himself and his parents. The teacher called the boy only by his last name, never praised him, more often than the others, she made comments. Her dislike of him was gradually passed on to the rest of the students.

In a situation where there is a specific abuser (teacher or classmate), parents often seek to “deal with” him themselves. They go to complain to the administration about the unfair treatment of their child by the teacher. If the child is bullied by classmates, then the parents, when they come to school, scold the offender, threaten him or reprimand his parents. Unfortunately, such actions do not help, but harm the child. As a result, the teacher, upon learning of the complaint, is imbued with even greater dislike for the unfortunate student. Persecutors become more cautious and sophisticated in their bullying, threatening with violence if the victim complains to anyone again. And the parents of the abuser do not remain in debt either. Sometimes one has to observe very ugly scenes when the parents of the offender and the victim scream, insulting each other in front of the children. Naturally, this example of "resolving" conflicts is not useful for children. In addition, parents are doing their child a disservice with this kind of intercession.

Sonia's mother, starting from the first grade, came to "deal" with her daughter's classmates, who teased her. The girl got used to complaining a little to her mother, and among her classmates she was known as a sneak, no one wanted to be friends with her.

3. Parents who ask for help realize that the child is bad in the classroom due to the peculiarities of his personality. They are ready to cooperate with a psychologist and class teacher and help the child. This type of reaction is most common.

The problem of rejected children is a double-edged sword. None of the parents want their child to become a victim, be attacked and harassed by others. And at the same time, hardly anyone wants their child to be the initiator of the bullying of another.

Working with the parents of persecuting or persecuting children is not easy. Not every parent can admit that his affectionate, kind child can take pleasure in humiliating a peer.

Here is what the mother of one child said: “Five-six-year-olds on the playground all the time unite and attack one person. I told my son that it was not permissible to do this. day he attacked his comrade with the same enthusiasm along with everyone. " Children tend to unite against something that does not please their peer. This is called being friends against someone. Parents are upset that their child succumbs to the general mood and commits unseemly acts. In this case, they should try to explain to the child how his behavior looks from the outside, to make him think about the feelings of the victim. A child striving for independence can be said that in this situation he behaves like a ball - where he kicked, he rolled there. No manifestation of your own will. In general, the ability to resist the team does not come immediately. But it is precisely by giving the opportunity to analyze one's own behavior that one can bring closer the moment when the child ceases to succumb to the influence of others.

It is necessary to explain to the child that it is unacceptable to call others names, to laugh at them - let him put himself in their place. It is necessary to teach the child to reckon with the opinions of others, to find compromises.

If the victim is unsympathetic to the parents, you should not "add fuel to the fire" by discussing this with your child. In the end, the child must learn to be tolerant and agreeable. In conversations with the child or in his presence, one should not give assessments to other parents, children, teachers.

Common traits of rejected children

In my experience, rejected children themselves do a lot to become victims of attacks. As already noted, they easily succumb to the provocations of classmates, give out expected, often inadequate, reactions. Naturally, it is interesting to offend someone who is offended, who throws his fists at others after any innocent remark addressed to himself, who starts crying if you tease him a little, etc.

Rejected children do not know how to control their feelings, restrain emotions, and incorrectly assess the motives and meaning of actions. For example, one boy said that "vindictiveness is a good quality," regarding it as being able to stand up for oneself. The behavior of another boy surprised a classmate: “Why is he behaving so strangely? When we call him names, he starts waving his arms and chasing us with shouts.

These children are very sensitive to the attention and sympathy shown to them. Any peer who gave them support, suggested something, shared something, is immediately elevated to the rank of "best friend". This is a rather heavy burden as rejected children can be very intrusive. Tired of being overly attentive and grateful on the part of the rejected, the sympathizer can move into the camp of the persecutors.

Janusz Korczak believed that caring for rejected children requires a lot of tact: "We must not only ensure that they are not offended, but that they do not interfere with anyone." Such children need to be taught the rules of communication and interaction.

What to do if a child is rejected

Not all children can and want to tell their parents about their problems, and the older the child is, the less likely he is to complain to his parents about what is happening. It is worth showing interest in your child's affairs, but doing it unobtrusively. If he doesn't tell anything himself, you should watch him.

First of all, you need to go to school, talk with teachers about your child's relationship with classmates, see how the child behaves in class after school or at recess, on holidays: does he show initiative in communication, with whom he communicates, who communicates with him etc. You can turn to a school psychologist for help, it is easier for him to monitor children.

The following symptoms may indicate that the child is bad in the classroom, he is rejected.

Child:

He reluctantly goes to school and is very happy about any opportunity not to go there;
- returns from school depressed;
- often cries for no obvious reason;
- never mentions any of his classmates;
- speaks very little about his school life;
- does not know who to call to learn lessons, or refuses to call anyone at all;
- for no apparent reason (as it seems) refuses to go to school;
- lonely: no one invites him to visit, to birthdays, and he does not want to invite anyone to him.

How to help your child build relationships in the classroom

Be sure to warn the teacher about your child's problems (stuttering, the need to take medications by the hour, etc.). Stuttering, tics, enuresis, encopresis, skin diseases should be monitored and, if possible, treated. All this can cause ridicule from peers.

It is necessary to provide the child with everything that will allow him to meet the general school requirements. If black shorts are needed for physical education lessons, then you should not offer pink shorts to your child, believing that this is not important. It may not matter for the teacher, but classmates will tease the child. This does not mean that you have to follow the child's lead and buy him a hat "like Lenka from 5" B "".

Encourage your child to change their behavioral tactics. After all, if a stereotype has developed, then any action is predictable. The child behaves according to the scheme set by the surrounding. But if he reacts to standard circumstances in an unexpected way, then perhaps he will be able not only to puzzle his pursuers, but also to take a step towards overcoming the current situation. For example, you can offer the child, instead of starting to cry or hitting everyone in a row, look into the eyes of the offenders and calmly ask: "So what?" - or start laughing with them. In general, to do what is not expected of him at all.

Try to ensure that your child interacts with classmates outside of school. Invite them to visit, arrange holidays, encourage the child to communicate with them. It is necessary to promote the child's participation in class activities, trips in every possible way. You should not pick up your child from school right after school, even for the sake of English or music lessons. Otherwise, all the guys will become friends with each other, and your child will remain a stranger in the classroom.

You should not come to school personally to deal with the offenders of your child; it is better to notify the class teacher and the psychologist. Do not rush to rush to protect the child in any conflict situation with classmates. Sometimes it is useful for a child to go through all the stages of a conflict - this will help him learn how to independently solve many problems. But, while accustoming the child to independence, it is important not to overdo it and not to miss a situation with which the child is not able to cope without the intervention of adults. Such a situation, of course, is the systematic bullying and bullying of a child by peers.

Attention! If the situation has gone too far, for example, a child is constantly humiliated or beaten, react immediately. First of all, protect the child from communication with the offenders - do not send him to school. Dealing with the offenders is not the most important thing (although you should not leave them unpunished - they will choose a new victim for themselves). It is important to help your child cope with the trauma he has received, so he will most likely have to be transferred to another class. The child will need to learn not to be afraid of peers and to trust them.

A few words about self-confidence

If the child in the class is not loved and rejected, his parents need to:

Be ready to cooperate with a teacher and a psychologist;
- show tolerance and restraint towards offenders;
- and most importantly - to support your child.

I have already said that children often become unpopular if they have any physical disabilities or behavioral problems, and are insecure. It is the parents who can help the child overcome the feeling of inferiority, turn the disadvantage into dignity. However, parents, on the contrary, are often too critical and intolerant of the peculiarities of their child. Unfortunately, we too often give any assessment to the actions and words of our children, sometimes without even noticing it. The child seems to us too active, and we, lamenting, say to a friend: "He is restless." Thus, we predict his future, based on our assessment, and, communicating with the child, we begin to drive him into the framework of our negative prognosis. "You are always spinning, you are mad! You can never sit in silence ..." and so on. If a child is quiet and does not seek to communicate with others, we worry that it will be difficult for him to make friends, he will be lonely. The child says something that does not correspond to our mood, we abruptly cut him off: "Again you are talking nonsense!" By sticking labels, we convince the child - he is just like that: insecure, restless, stupid. The child, first unconsciously, and then consciously, begins to build his behavior, proceeding from the role prescribed to him by adults.

Boy Vasya, the hero of the story by Yu. Yakovlev "Knight Vasya", because of his fullness and awkwardness was nicknamed the Mattress, and he dreamed of knightly armor. But "besides the mocking mirror, his mother returned him to reality. Hearing his steps from the kitchen, from which the glasses clinked pitifully, my mother shouted:" Caution! An elephant in a china shop! And parents in this difficult situation turn from allies and helpers into persecutors themselves, and the child is left alone with his problem. If the parents do not accept the child for who he is, mock him, then what to expect from the rest.

As a child, I really liked the tales of the wonderful Finnish writer Tove Janson about Moomin. In one of them, the Moomintroll, playing hide and seek with his friends, hid in the Wizard's hat and left there so transformed that his friends did not recognize him and even gave him a thrashing. The Moomin-mother who came to the noise also did not recognize her son at first, but, looking intently into his "frightened eyes-plates", she admitted that it was Moomin. And then he became himself again. Moominmama hugged him and uttered the words that especially impressed me: "I will always know my little Moomin-son, no matter what happens." For me, these words are the main meaning of parental love and support: acceptance and assistance to the child in any situation. The main thing is to be able to accept your child (maybe more shy or overly emotional compared to others) as he is ...

Calm, self-confident parents, who do not expect instant super-achievements from the child, who are sympathetic to his successes and failures, are the key to the child's development of self-confidence and adequate self-esteem.

How to help your child become more confident

In difficult situations, do not strive to do everything for the child, but do not leave him alone. Offer to cope with the problem together (whether it's your shoelaces or your first fight with a friend). Sometimes it's enough just to be with the child while he is trying to do something.

Parental love for a child is not an obvious thing; if the parents do not show their warm feelings in any way, then the child may decide that he is not loved. This will form in him a feeling of helplessness and insecurity, and therefore, self-doubt. Body contact helps to overcome this feeling. You can just pat the child on the head, hug, sit on your knees. It will never be superfluous neither for toddlers, nor for preschoolers, nor for younger students.

All of the above does not mean that the child should not be criticized. But, while censuring him, you should make it clear that you are criticizing a specific act of the child, and your attitude towards him does not change. You can tell your child: "We always love you, no matter what you do, but sometimes it is difficult for us not to be angry (offended) at you!"

Friends of children

Parents are often concerned about the problem of the child's friendship with peers. Usually they worry that their child is either not friends with anyone, or is friends with the wrong one.

Shy children usually have problems with friends. Indeed, shy and timid children are more likely than aggressive children to suffer from isolation. Therefore, a very shy and reserved child needs the help of adults to establish communication. In a favorable classroom environment, such a child gradually finds a suitable companion and feels quite comfortable.

Sometimes very sociable parents are worried that their child does not seek to actively communicate with peers, he has few friends. But some need many friends to feel happy, while others need just one friend. According to research by psychologists, at least one mutual affection in the classroom makes a child more self-confident and provides him with a more comfortable existence in a team compared to a child who is chosen by many, but not those whom he chooses. Having friends is a very important part of a child's emotional well-being. Regardless of age, a friend for a child is someone with whom it is interesting, who will support, with whom you can do something together, this is the feeling that you are not alone and is interesting to someone. Growing up, the child invests in the concept of friendship more serious and deeper relationships.

Parents usually get upset if those whom their child calls friends, offend him, neglect him, do not value friendship. If parents do not like their child's friends, then you should not insist on ending the relationship and constantly criticize the friend or girlfriend. It makes sense to draw the child's attention to the negative aspects of the peer and leave it to him to decide whether to continue this relationship. Sometimes it is enough, as if by the way, to ask: “Well, did Petya wait for you?”, “Did Tanya treat you to something?” To make the child think about how his friends treat him. It happens that a child retains a humiliating relationship for him from despair. For example, at the dacha he has no one else to communicate with, and he is glad to have any companion. And the other child understands that they depend on him, and uses it.

Quiet, dreamy Nastya treasured her friendship with the brisk and self-confident Masha, who constantly guided her, forced her to obey. Almost nothing was wrong with her, Masha threatened Nastya that she would not be friends with her. Nastya was often upset because of this, but, according to her mother, she continued to "dance to the Machine's tune." This was until Nastya went to school, where she made new friends - she saw that relationships could be built in a different way, without blackmail and threats, on an equal footing. Nastya has become more critical of Masha. When I asked what she doesn't like most about her peers, Nastya said: “I don’t like being forced to do what I don’t want, and they say:“ Then I won’t play with you anymore! ”Here is my friend Masha doing this.” I asked why she continues to communicate with her. Nastya replied: "Masha comes up with a lot of things, it's interesting with her."

As practice shows, children who are actively rejected by their classmates usually do not have stable friendships outside of school. However, if a child unpopular in the classroom has the opportunity to communicate with peers in addition to school - in the yard or in circles where he is accepted and appreciated - then the lack of recognition at school does not hurt him.

How to help your child choose friends

You need to know all of your child's friends, especially if you are afraid of negative influence from them. We need to help organize communication for the child, create an appropriate environment. It is not enough just to give it to a suitable team, invite the children home, if possible, get to know their parents. Most importantly, gently create an acceptable social circle for the child (you should take care of this while the child is still young). This can be the children of your friends, classmates, any club, circle, section, in a word, any society that unites people with similar interests and friendly attitude to each other.

The task of parents is not only to support a child in a difficult situation, but also to teach him how to interact with others. There is no need to try to completely protect the child from negative experiences. In everyday life, it is impossible to avoid anger, resentment, or encounter with cruelty. It is important to teach children to resist aggressors without being like them. The child should be able to say "no", not to succumb to the provocations of his comrades, to treat failures with humor, to know that it is sometimes more correct to devote adults to his problems than to understand on his own, and be sure that his relatives will not dismiss him, but will help and support in difficult times.

We live in a society, so the ability to make friends and cooperate is very important for a person. Throughout our lives, we often have to join a new team and make friends. This is the first time we face such a need on our own at school. Sometimes it can be very difficult for a child to adapt to a new environment and find friends. It is to such children that we want to give some practical advice that will help make friends with classmates and become part of the team.

Of course, first graders cannot do without the help of the first teacher. A good cool mom will do everything to introduce children, create a new friendly team. Interesting recess games involving all the kids, excursions for first graders and fun lessons are methods that will help the teacher create a close-knit team called “our 1st grade”.

But the state and readiness of the child himself to join the team (especially if he changes school or class) are also very important. The kid needs to learn how to get acquainted and make friends - these skills will come in handy for him more than once.

Do you want to help the child? Then give the crumbs such parting words:

1. Be yourself

This is probably one of the most important tips. Let him not try to look his best in the eyes of others. People value sincerity. They don't like liars, and when the truth comes out, they lose friends, trust, sometimes they turn out to be objects of ridicule.

2. Be kind. Smile more often

"Friendship begins with a smile" - these words appeared in a kind children's song for a reason. In the morning before school, the baby is in a positive mood. After all, getting to know each other is so interesting! Let your child prepare to meet new classmates with a smile and an open mind. There are many good, interesting and close-minded people among them. He will certainly soon realize this and make friends with his classmates.

3. Introduce yourself and meet everyone.

This is not only a rule of courtesy, but also the first step towards building good relationships with new classmates. , of course, will help the children to get to know each other and get to know each other in the first lesson. But don't let it stand quietly in the corner, waiting for the start of classes. Ask him to approach classmates and peers, introduce himself and chat.

Mothers can help first graders in this difficult task: plan some kind of joint leisure for the children. Going to the cinema, theater, circus, or just taking a walk in the park is a great way to introduce and unite children.

4. Try to keep the conversation going.

The kid sees how his new classmates are discussing something. Let him not stand on the sidelines, but join the conversation, tell situations from his life! Is the topic not close to him? Then let him try to interest peers, if possible, starting a new conversation.

5. Look for common interests.

Did the child find out that he is with a classmate / classmate in some way? Hooray! This is good, because they have a common topic of conversation and an activity that brings them together. Advise to ask more often about the hobbies of new acquaintances and talk about yours. In this way, you can make friends with all your classmates, not only at school, but also outside of it.

By the way, a neighbor / roommate and classmates living nearby are the first potential friends of the baby. They already have a common place at the desk and a common way home. It's easier to get close with guys like that.

6. Give sincere compliments, praise.

People love to be praised. If the kid likes a classmate's hairstyle or a classmate's new sneakers, let him talk about it. But you don’t need to teach your child to make compliments just to please or please someone. Explicit flattery is not the best way to make friends.

7. Help and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Does the child see that someone needs help? Let him offer her. This will bring the toddler closer to the classmate. Does he himself not cope with something? Tell the little one to ask someone for a favor. And let him be sure to thank the assistant and invite him to contact if necessary. Mutual help is part of a friendship.

8. Share.

Teach your child to share books, pens, rulers, toys and other objects (if he has such an opportunity, of course). This will help build good relationships with the guys and get a spare pen when your baby needs it. It is good if there is an extra sandwich or candy in the portfolio to treat a new friend (note to mom).

9. Do not argue and avoid conflicts

Children cannot always agree. Sometimes there are conflicts, quarrels and even fights. After such bad incidents with a person, it is difficult to improve relations. Teach the child to keep silent in time, not to start arguments, not to ask for trouble, to peacefully come out of conflicts. Sometimes it's best to give in and maintain a good relationship with your classmate.

We hope these tips will help your child become part of a new team and make many friends. Your baby needs support now: he has a difficult period. Do not forget about it and do everything to make it easier for the baby to adapt.

Organizing time. Introductory remarks from the class teacher.

- Good evening, dear parents! I am delighted to welcome you to the meeting. Thank you for taking the time to come to our meeting. I would like to start the meeting with the words of a famous writer A. de Saint-Exupery "The only real luxury is the luxury of human communication." The family provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation in the classroom. But often they notice before teachers that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has a bad relationship with classmates. What to do? So, today we will talk about how to help your child build relationships with classmates. I invite the teacher-psychologist of the crisis center to talk.

- There are many sayings about friendship, both by thinkers of antiquity and modernity. They all tried to understand what friendship is:

"The only way to have a friend is to be one yourself." - Emerson.

"Life is nothing without friendship." - Cicero.

"Happiness has never put a person to such a height that he would not need a friend." - Seneca.

- We with the guys at the class hour discussed a serious and interesting topic "Friend, friendship, laws of friendship." The children were asked to think about the question, what does “friendship” mean and why do people need it?

- I am sure that you, as parents, want your children to have reliable, loyal friends. Have you ever wondered what real friendship is? Agree, friendship is friendship - strife. Surely, if you now conduct an “audit” of your acquaintances, you will see that not all of them will fit the definition of a FRIEND. For the most part, these are just friends - you can communicate with them, go somewhere together, arrange holidays, etc., but if the matter concerns something serious, then you can hardly wait for help from them.

- So it is with your children. There is a confusion of the concepts of “friends” and “buddies”. Those whom they call friends, by and large, are not, because in the lower grades, friendship often develops for random reasons (they live side by side, sit at the same desk, parents are friends, etc.). They meet with friends for sports, games, walks or studies. And with a friend they usually share their dreams, feelings, worries, experiences. And although friendships before the age of 10 do not escalate to the heights of friendship, nevertheless, friends, as a rule, call themselves best friends.

Teacher: on the eve of school hour, I asked the guys to write essay on the topic "My friend".

- The answers of the students will give you an idea of ​​the nature of the interpersonal relationships of the children. So, for some schoolchildren, a friend, first of all, is a defender (“will not leave you in trouble”, “will protect if you are beaten”, “always intercede, will get you out of trouble”); for others, a friend is a helper (“helps when it's hard”, “always supports”, “helps to cope with studies”). Many children single out a friend as a partner in play, constructive communication (“We always play with a friend,” “We never quarrel with him,” “You can always find a common language with friends, even if we have different opinions”). A friend acts as a partner in confidential communication (“You can tell your best friend a secret secret”, “You can trust a friend”, “You can tell him about your love”). A friend for some children is an understanding dear person (“This person understands you”, “A friend always understands you and believes”, “A friend is one with whom he is inseparable,” “This is the best person, apart from parents”). A leisure partner is also a friend (“You can have a good time with a friend”, “It’s never boring to walk with him”, “With a friend, I like to go shopping, to the cinema, to any different places”).

- Thus, the answers give an idea of ​​the value orientations of children in interpersonal relationships, reveal social and psychological needs (in a safe dialogue, in psychological support, in establishing trusting relationships, in constructive communication, etc.). Each student has his own degree of manifestation of needs and value orientations.

- It was interesting how girls “see” a friend, and how - boys. General in the answers of girls and boys: a friend is a person: who can be trusted (“tell secrets”, “reveal secrets”); with whom you can organize joint activities ("walk together", "go on a visit"); who will help in difficult times ("tell you how to be", "support").
Differences in views are manifested mainly in different forms of relationships. Girls

highlight such qualities of a friend as the ability to sympathize, communicate with confidence; A friend for girls is a very close person, like a brother or sister.
That is, for girls, the emotional component of interpersonal relationships is more significant and valuable. Boys, on the other hand, emphasize the activity characteristics of relationships more: “A friend will intercede if someone offends”, “You can play outdoor games with a friend”, “You can give him gifts”.

One student wrote that he communicates with friends not because they have expensive phones, that they are excellent students, but because he is interested in them.

Features of friendship at primary school age:

• Folded over random motives .
• Relationships are fragile
: there is a rapid change of friends, likes and dislikes, dependence on spontaneous children's norms.
• Requirements
presented to a friend, child does not always relate to yourself .
• Consumer attitude
to friendship: they are friends for being a “friend” and agreeing in everything, always letting them write off and going out for a walk at the first call. The main thing in this relationship is what a friend can give you personally.

– By the end of 4th grade many children mature for lasting friendships, peer relationships become more meaningful than studying.

This is manifested:

- Why don't all children have friends? What determines the choice? It may well be that the child is wrong about the choice of a friend.

A prerequisite for a lasting friendship is most likely a personal choice based on hard to define sympathy.

It is possible that such sympathy depends on shortcomings that the child vaguely finds in himself and does not see in his chosen partner: the spoiled one chooses the independent, the cowardly - the brave, the stupid - the smart, i.e. its opposite. These choices are unlikely to form the basis of a lasting friendship.

absolutely no flaws? This does not happen and cannot be. In this case, the search result can be either the inability to find a friend, or disappointment in him.

Or maybe the child is looking for a friend in his own image and likeness, only worse? Friendship with such a person will not last long, his stupidity will begin to annoy, and everything will end in a quarrel.

- But still, as proved by psychological research, the true basis for friendship depends on similarities, coincidence of interests, way of thinking.

In order to find a friend to your liking, you must, first of all, figure out in oneself, in one's preferences and shortcomings, in the very concept of friendship.

- Now let's talk about what interferes with friendship. Perhaps the inability to establish friendships is due to shyness, inability to communicate, ignorance of basic rules behavior... By the way, if a child is very closed, then classmates can instinctively provoke him to aggression, in order to see what he will do in response, and evaluate - is it dangerous or not?

Maybe a child almost always walks frowning, rarely smiles? Do you want to build a relationship with someone who is constantly in a bad mood?

Maybe, studies poorly? This is a very important indicator for primary school.

Often offended? Resentment is also a type of aggression, a way to manipulate people, not everyone will like it if they are manipulated.

And maybe he nerd and crybaby, complains with or without reason? Such, for sure. Nobody likes.

Or alarmist, subject to constant unreasonable fear? After a month of communication with such a person, you will get very tired. A gloomy, pessimistic attitude towards life can turn a child away from friends.

Or maybe he braggart or know-it-all? Agree, a person who constantly teaches everyone and says that he can do better and tells everyone about everything becomes simply unbearable.

It happens that a person no sense of humor... It's very hard. There is always a tense atmosphere in the presence of such people. People around are afraid of offending such a person with a casual joke. By the way, having a sense of humor does not mean being able to amuse and have fun. First of all, this is the ability to withstand life's difficulties, optimism, the ability to laugh, make fun of oneself, adequately accepting humor in one's own address too.

And yet they are not friends with liars and spiteful people, dirty people and greedy people, with envious people and dishonest people.

What do you need to do to find a friend?

Explain to the child so that he:

• did not hesitate to be kind, smiled more often - they are drawn to the kind and smiling;

• respected and loved himself, then others will love him too - if a person does not love himself, then who will love him?

• was simple and natural (excesses are often found in a children's environment).

Memo for parents

For your part, as parents, you can do the following:

• invite your child's classmates to visit, so you get to know them better and can control and influence their relationship;
• Help the class teacher with extracurricular activities that will help bring the class together and will also improve your relationship with your child.

• give the child independence in choosing friends and resolving conflicts, and if you do interfere, then sort things out not with the offender, but with his parents, and not by phone, but in public - for example, at a parent meeting;
• teach not to be afraid of mistakes, talk about your problems in childhood, how you experienced them and how you dealt with them, this will reduce unnecessary anxiety and tension in your child, improve his behavior and attractiveness for peers;
• allow negative emotions to show such a prohibition can cause difficulties in establishing relationships with people (for example, the child will avoid any physical contact, even for the purpose of protection; in physical education lessons he will refuse to play basketball; he will be cautious about throwing a “snowball” made of paper); a person who lives a full life allows himself to be both happy and angry; by the way, boyish fights are mainly the result of the need for tactile contact, since boys cannot satisfy this need in any other way;
• think about whether the child's quarrels with friends are the result of your mistakes in his upbringing: if at home he is the center of the universe, then he expects the same attitude from other children, achieves his goal, provoking conflicts; if a child is abandoned, he experiences resentment and anger - he takes out the feelings accumulated in his soul in quarrels; if he often witnesses quarrels between parents or other family members, they begin to imitate their behavior;
• discuss with the child the reasons for conflicts with friends, try to become a friend to him yourself;
• explain what a “code of friendship” is.

"Code of Friendship".

1. Share news.
2. Provide support, volunteer to help if necessary.
3. Try to make your friend feel good in your company.
4. Trust.
5. Protect a friend in his absence.
6. Don't criticize your friend in public.
7. Do not be annoying, do not preach.

- This does not mean at all that when you come home, you tell your child: “They are not friends with you, because you…. Now I will teach you. " It is best said this way: "I love you very much. You are wonderful with me, but sometimes you do not quite right: ... If you want to have friends, try the following: ... It is possible that not everything will work out right away, there will be mistakes. But you are just learning to be friends. I am sure that in time you will succeed ”.

- Thank you for your attention. We hope that our advice will be useful to you in raising your children.