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The parent house is not in vain call the family nest - because people live in a family as in the nest. At some point, the children leave the nest, since these are the living conditions. Parents face the lack of family, friends and love, when children fly away to vote their own nests. Many people, especially those who dedicate themselves to the family, feel devastation and sadness, which can easily lead to depression. This article will talk about how to give children to understand that they will always be waiting for their home, and how to help parents survive parting.

Steps

Prepare for parting. If you know that your children will run in a year, use this time to teach them everything that they need in everyday life. Check if they are able to wash clothes, cook food, keep disputes with neighbors, follow the finances, make profitable purchases and they know the price of money. Although much comes with experience, it is important to discuss with children all these nuances so that they are not helpless. Sites like Wikihow will help them master the main home affairs and purchase the desired skills for independent life.

• If you do not know when children leave, do not panic. Please accept the fact that it will happen in any case, rejoice for them, offer your help and support. Children it is better to see that you love them and always ready to come to the rescue, and not to notice constant anxiety and irritation in you.

1. Drop all frightening thoughts. And you and your children should take it as an adventure. Your children may experience a whole range of emotions, from fear to delight from waiting for new events. If the child is afraid to leave, it is important to convince him that the unknown is always worse what will actually happen. Explain to him that as soon as he becomes accustomed to a new way of life, he will be able to receive pleasure from him.

   • Tell the children that they will always be waiting for them, whenever they wanted to return. It will give you, and your children a sense of security and unity.
   • If children do not tolerate the first ability from home, you should not get enough to rejoice in it. They will learn to cope with their emotions as they will get used to the new way of life, and in this they need your active support, and not a secret desire to return the children home. Therefore, one should not constantly offer them to return or do all things for them - they must learn everything on their own, including household issues and all negotiations. They will make mistakes, but it is on errors that it is best.

2. Think about how you are going to keep in touch with children. You will feel emptiness and loneliness when children go away because you can't already talk to them what you usually speak. Therefore, it is important to maintain communication at a distance - this will keep the feeling of proximity to the family and regularly exchange news. You should do the following:

   Find out what is an empty nest syndrome to recognize the symptoms. The symptom of the empty nest is a psychological problem that addresses primarily women and manifests itself in a sense of deep sadness due to the fact that children leave the parental home. Most often it happens when children leave to another city or a country to learn (usually at the end of winter or in the fall) or when they get married or married and begin to live with his wife or spouse. This syndrome often coincides with other essential events in the life of a woman (with menopausosis, disease, retirement). This problem concerns primarily women, since motherhood is considered the main role of working mothers and those mothers who are engaged only by the house. Women consider this role with their main task for approximately 20 years. The child can feel abandoned, lost, unworthy love. He may also disturb the insecurity in the future. Mothers perfectly feel sadness and cry from time to time to cry, because it is a healthy reaction with which any parent may encounter. In the end, the child is waiting for big changes. However, these feelings are becoming a problem when they begin to interfere with the woman to live familiar life, forcing her to give up communication with friends and throw things that have come to pleasure before. Women often think that their lives no longer makes sense, which is why they are constantly crying.

3. Take assistance. If you are hard to cope with a deep feeling of sadness, if you can not make yourself get back to the usual life after the departure of children, it is important to contact someone for help. You may develop depression or other psychological disorder that prevent you from enjoying life. Sign up for a reception to a psychotherapist. Cognitive therapy and other similar types of therapy that will allow you to speak, can help you. Perhaps you just need to be listened to and told that what is happening is real, it is important and will pass with time.

   • Admit your sadness. It does not matter that other people think or talk about your condition. Unrecognized sadness will put pressure on you until you gain courage to see her face. Allow yourself to sink.
   • Treat yourself. For a while you will be very hard, and in these moments it is important not to forget about yourself. Sign up for a massage course, go to the movies, buy your favorite chocolate. If in your life will not be happy moments, you can never get out of sorrow.
   • Try to spend a special ritual. Imagine that this ritual you let go of a son or daughter in adulthood, and it will help you to accept the fact that you will no longer play such an important role in the child's life. You can plant a tree, send a small lantern on a river with a burning candle or hold a ceremony associated with your faith.
   • Talk to your spouse or spouse about your feelings. Most likely, he or she feels the same as you, so do not miss the opportunity to discuss it. And perhaps he or she just wants to listen to you, and it will provide you with essential help.
   • Think about keeping a diary to record all your feelings. Prayers and meditation may also be useful.

4. Remember your needs. When you can send children to adulthood, you will notice how your life will become calmer and dimension. It is important how you will perceive these changes: if you react to it, as the abyss, which turned around you under your feet, you will feel much more unhappy than if you decide that it's time for you to return to your previous hobbies and classes .

   • Do not arrange the shrine from the child's room. If he did not bring order before leaving, do it yourself. Throw away the garbage, get rid of the bumps, but be careful - you can accidentally throw out what is important for your child.
   • Write down all the things you once wanted to do. The time of completion of desires has come. Secure the list in the prominent place and start working on it.
   • Create new acquaintances or restore the old ones. Friends will help you move from the status of the forever busy parent to the status of the parent, who remained in his house without children. Try to walk somewhere and get acquainted with people. With the most likely somewhere there are the same parents with the syndrome of the empty nest, which, like you, are looking for new friends. Friends can always advise you exciting classes and books, show you an interesting vacancy, etc.
   • Do something new. You can return to the old hobbies that you abrasted when children raised. Any occupation is suitable, from painting and photos to parachute sports and travel.
   • Enter the University or sign up for courses. Choose a course that will answer your interests at this stage of life. You can go on a very new way for you, and you can increase your existing qualifications. Both options are good.
   • Get your career. If for some time you did not work, go back to the former work or find a completely new one. Do not think that you are too old for something - you have experience, and in this your advantage, therefore, provided that you refresh your knowledge and go back training courses, you can give odds to any young graduate.
   • Try working as a volunteer. If you are not ready to return to work, you can start with volunteering. This will help you understand what you like and what I do not like to do.
   • Take part in charity. You will get great moral satisfaction if you can find such useful use to your free time.

5. Think about the role of a spouse or spouse in your life. Unless you are a single parent, you will stay one on one with your husband or wife, and this may be difficult, as some couples in such situations understand that all this time, the children united the whole family and kept you together. And perhaps, you were first of all first of all by parents, which was learned to be romantic partners. It comes time to frankly talk about everything and decide how your relationship will develop further.

   • If only children united you, you will need to work on relationships to solve those problems that you have avoided for many years. Contact your family psychologist if you feel that it will help you get closer to your husband or wife.
   • Please accept the fact that it is a difficult time. It will give you the opportunity to forgive each other small mistakes in living together without children you have to start again.
   • Remember that your partner has changed over the years. You both became older, you experienced a lot over the years. It is possible that you have come across difficulties that you did not even think when only met and fell in love with each other. Over time, people begin to more clearly understand what they like, and what they do not like, what they believe, but what is not. Now you can understand your partner's preferences much better than in youth. Perceive it as an opportunity to re-discover my husband or wife. This will allow you to breathe life into your relationship.
   • Cut more time with your party and try to learn it again. Go on journey together and use a trip to revive the feeling of proximity and mutual trust.
   • Give relationship time. This period may be fascinating for both of both.
   • However, sometimes no actions will help to glue the relationship between people who have become each other. If you feel that nothing will help you to restore the connection, discuss it with each other or contact a psychotherapist for help. This will allow you to make a decision that will help you both with joy to look into the future.

6. Concentrate on the positive aspects that the children are traveling. Thanks to this it will be easier for you to experience the feeling of loss - after all, you will know what you purchased. And although it does not detract from the importance of your sadness and those changes that are waiting for your children, it will help you see the advantages of your new life. The following points include positive aspects:

   • Buy products will have to be much less likely. And this means that you will no longer need to go to the store so often and cook.
   • Your relationship with your husband or wife can improve. Now you have the opportunity to spend more time together - use it.
   • If you were washed and smoothly children's underwear, now you will do it much less often. It is not necessary to do it again all instead of children when they return to your home on vacation or just bother. You need to give them to understand that they are now adults, and adults can serve themselves.
   • Now you do not have to argue about who the first will take the bathroom in the morning.
   • You will start saving money by reducing water consumption, electricity and the number of telephone conversations. And saved money can be postponed on travel!
   • You can be proud that you have grown children who are capable not only to survive, but also to succeed in adult world themselves. Praise yourself.

1. The draft board asks to arrive in the spring for examination, pass the medical examination. I study in another city, in another region of the country, I did not personally receive the agenda. I can not come due to study, there is a strengthened preparation for the state. exam. I will go to the draft board that will lose 3-4 days, and 3-4 days have weight for passing the state. exams. What to do?

1.1. Do not go better of course, because after a medical examination if you do not appear on call, you may be attracted for evasion.

2. I have this question:
I am 18 years old, I study in the 11th grade, the draft board has already wore a document that I study, that is, until the summer it will not be touched. If I leave the school now and go to another city, the military registration and enlistment office will learn about it immediately or only in the summer?

2.1. Most likely, the military enlistment office will be interested in you only in the autumn appeal.
My advice to you, surcharge 1 year, otherwise, if you think up for the state service, you will close the road everywhere without an army.

2.2. In another city, it is necessary to immediately go to military registration, otherwise criminal liability will come for evading the next call for military service.

3. My son learns to school has not yet passed everything in the process, the military enlistment office makes us to study in another city. Question why if we learn a fee in a driving school for 35,000 if I can refuse, they say that it is necessary.

3.1. Hello! The right to education is one of the human rights of the "second generation" (socio-economic and cultural; the aspect of non-discrimination can also be considered as civil law of the first generation).
And the decision of the military registration and enlistment office can appeal to the district court at the place of residence.
"Constitution of the Russian Federation" (accepted by a national vote 12.12.1993) (taking into account the amendments made by the laws of the Russian Federation on amendments to the Constitution of the Russian Federation of 30.12.2008 N 6-FKZ, from 30.12.2008 N 7-FKZ, from 05.02.2014 N 2 -FCZ, from 07/21/2014 N 11-FKZ)
Article 43.
1. Everyone has the right to education.

• Agenda to the draft board in another city
• Enrolled in another city Military enlistment office
• I live in another city a military registration andkom office
• Register in another city a military registration andkiver
• I study in another city to change the passport

4. I am 17 years old. On October 7, I will be 18. But in the summer I am going to study in another city. What to do with the military registration and enlistment office?

4.1. Hello, report this to the military community and provide a certificate from the educational institution.

What to do if the child decided to study in another city? Let him go to all four sides with a calm soul? Or
do not sleep at night and torment yourself with experiences. Let's grow out.

So the time has come when your child has grown. Very often, children make a decision to study in another city. It can happen immediately after school when the child enters the higher educational institution in another city. And it happens that the child leaves to another city and at an earlier age, for example, enters the profile school after the ninth grade.

What do parents do in this case? Let go of the child with a calm soul, tea, grew already, let him take care of himself? Or do not sleep at night, worry, and ultimately collect things and go for him? In such extremes, of course, you do not need to fall. But to some tips to listen to.

The child went to study in a higher educational institution

If your child came to study in a higher educational institution in another city, then first will rejoice for him. He was able, he achieved what he wanted, he did! And if it is also a fairly prestigious university in a major city, possibly the capital of Russia!

Of course, the difficulties will be. The child got used to live in the family, used to that he always covered the table and a clean room. But sudid themselves, seventeen or eighteen years - this is not such a child! Some young people at this time are already creating their families and become parents themselves.

Release your child

Sooner or later you have to do it. On the contrary, it is good that the young man or a lady will try to live an independent life. They need to learn to take care of themselves, they will soon create their own families.

And how can you control your child, being in another city? Set it to your relatives and will require a full report from them? Not an option - the child will faster faster from them than to dance under their drawing.

We were all students, and many have learned independence through hostels, a lack of money and so on. But, on the other hand, we are all people who are ready to help each other. Especially if it concerns student brethren. Believe me, your child will not remain hungry! Better do this:

• communicate by phone, Skype, any parent, if something does not always notice vote and the expression of the face of the child;
• if necessary, send money;
• visit each other

Vacation After all, no one canceled. But how much joy will be during a visit to the child of the house. And you can sometimes go on a tour to a new city yourself, at the same time and child to spend.

The child went to study in another city after the ninth grade

In this case, of course, everything is perceived somewhat differently. It seems that the child is still quite small that he cannot cope and so on.

In this case, the following can already be advised:

• if possible, adjust the child to relatives or remove the apartment to him;
• visit the student more often, please it with homemade borschy and cutlets;
• help money.

Just do it all unobtrusively, as if, by the way. Let the child feels independent, you just help him a little.

As a rule, studies in the profile school takes the year or two. If you have the opportunity and the desire, both your and the child, you can go along with him at the time of study and live in another city.

Thus, in both cases, the main thing is not to overdo it. Help - help, but also do not limit freedom. An independent life sooner or later should overtake your child.

These days, graduates with excitement are waiting for the last results of the EGE and many, have no doubt, they will be quite high to think: and not to turn into a capital university? On the one hand, the ambitions of young people can only be welcomed, but on the other - how many unrest for parents! How? Let go of a child in someone else's unfamiliar city? One? Without mom?

To help the Sibmamam of Applicants to cope with excitement, we learned the stories of four forumchanians who have already passed this path, among which the author of these lines turned out to be.

Frankly, I was afraid, but at the same time hoped that among the answers there would be negative examples - just for contrast. The child missed home, Handrill, threw his studies, and after the first session, hurried to return to Mamino Wing ... But no, all four Siberians are safely learn in Moscow and St. Petersburg!

How did you decide?

Novosibirsk is not the village of Gadyukino, we, thank God, and have enough universities. But still, we will not deny this, the metropolitan life is brighter, rich, dynamic, and very attractive for young people.

(daughter, 2 Course SPbSU Faculty of Applied Mathematics and Control Processes)

On the exam, the daughter gained about 290 points - Russian 100, mathematics and informatics more than 90, and submitted documents at the Faculty of Information Technologies in NSU. And then I left the girlfriend to Peter, just so, see the city where I have never been before. Already from St. Petersburg reported that she filed documents in three universities, and, if it goes, it will go there to learn. She reasoned that if there was an opportunity to go to a good university not in the province, then the chance could not miss.

It is much easier to let go of a child to study in another city, if you have relatives there, friends familiar to whom your child will be able to ask for help if necessary. So remember the phones of the forms of cousins \u200b\u200band look for the addresses of your student girlfriends - any connections (even if the child does not use them) will be now by the way!

(son, 1 MSU Course, Biological Faculty)

Feng Ngu is very strong. But in Moscow, the university, of course, is stronger and prestigious. I went because it fell such a chance - he is a medalist of the All-Russian Olympiad, and could choose any university of the country outside the competition. He is really a strong biologist, and it makes sense to complicate the task as much as possible so that the brain is used; Finally, there are relatives in Moscow, and it was this faculty that graduated from my grandfather and grandmother before the war.

(daughter graduated from the historical faculty of Moscow State University in 2014)

The daughter wanted to enter the university in St. Petersburg, but there was not enough for the results of the EGE - it was necessary to go and pass entrance exams. We had a good chance, but ... I was Moscow State University, where it was enough to simply send documents, moreover, we have many relatives in Moscow. So the child was defeated and sent documents to Moscow. She did not participate in any olympiads (it was our omission, we didn't even know that in addition to the All-Russian schoolchildren's Olympiad there are many more competitions, giving benefits upon admission), so that special hopes did not feed and submitted documents in NSU, where The daughter immediately accepted. When she accidentally discovered her name in the "second wave" entered in Moscow State University - first, the eyes were not believed and very confused! I had to hastily withdraw documents from the Novosibirsk Reception Commission, buying tickets for the plane - the word, the time to think about something, fortunately, was simply not.

But what would be your RESONS - listen to the desires of the child, and they probably have ...

(son, 1 course of the Higher School of Economics (HSE, Moscow))

In Novosibirsk, definitely, there is NSU. The choice of the applicant himself, I supported him; Probably because I regretted your own unrealized and missed opportunities. But to get worthy of Moscow universities a score, cost in the graduation class to pay more attention to the Olympiads. I had concerns that the son would not pass with his points in HSE (in the first wave, indeed, did not pass, at the same time a set of in NSU was closed in one wave, without his original). And I was supervised him, hardly did not forced it, on the last day to go to Petersburg, serve the original to the university, where two people were separated from the green wave border. Most of all at that time I was afraid, no matter how much it remains without forming! While he was driving in Peter, HSE was rejected with a lower score than he had. So, as a result, my intervention led to the loss of the year - the son stopped in St. Petersburg State University. There were small problems with which he made to paint into big, and was expelled. The following year, after all, entered the HSE.

To be!

After the decision was made and the child was on board the aircraft, any mom immediately begin to torment doubts: what about it there without a mother? What will eat? What to wear? Doesn't the hostel uninimed in the room ... hmm ... a mess, which houses periodically eliminated Mom?

Tranquility! With household problems, adolescents coped much easier than you probably think. Perhaps in the first month a child will call you every evening to find out how many cereals need to be taken to cook porridge and what to bring a stain from the shirt from the orange juice. But, putting your hand on the heart, not such wisdom - keeping a household, so that the teenager, which coofers with differentials and gerundias, did not master it for the month at the minimum level.

In everyday life, on the one hand, not particularly skillful and adapted, on the other, is completely unpretentious. He is enough for a modest amount from us (while it's no time to work at all), he may well wash, cook pasta and buy shoes.

There were also no fear about domestic difficulties, not everything could have taught in advance, but he fully coped. At first, at all, I was simply afraid of everything, although my son was already quite ready for an independent life, but I, of course, remained doubt that it was. Especially went crazy when he did not answer the whole day (and he broke a mobile phone, as it turned out later).

Check what exactly it feeds, I still can not really, therefore, ultimately, revealed on his common sense. He was convinced of Skype that he still prepares himself, at least sometimes, well, at first he constantly asked him that he ate.

After admission to HSE, there was no concern, since HSE hostels occupy the first places in the ranking of the best student hostels in Russia and the conditions for the normal life of students were created.

By the way, prepare for this in advance - most likely, the child will live in a hostel. It is quite expensive to rent an apartment in two capitals, although it is possible that you prefer this particular option. But the hostel has its advantages!

The first year older is always "in front of" whether he fell ill, lost, fellow students will immediately notice anything and score alarm. In addition, in large universities, the life of freshmen in the hostel is supervising someone from teachers.

The hostel is protected and, believe me, are now guarded pretty strictly. At the first planner, at least the chance of becoming a victim of a crime, even small thefts - a rarity.

The hostels are already equipped with a minimum of what a student needs to live: there will be a kitchen, most likely - a buffet, laundry room, and in the room - a chair, a table, a wardrobe and a bed with linen. Although ... it's how lucky!

The experience of independent trips at the daughter was - from 10-11 years old left for competitions, to a sports camp, on alloys, and this is not a very comfortable life without mom and dad nearby. But the concerns were - life in the hostel is still somewhat different than a trip with a coach for two weeks. I told her - took a pillow, did not listen, then I regretted, of course, I had to buy a new one. Financially, it is difficult, but somehow everything works, learns to save, keep budget, expect finance, prepare, erase, and so on.

Hostels in Moscow State University, against my expectations, were even more modest than in NSU, where I studied. Room on three - barely nine squares, for two - at all six! With the wash of heavy things, for example, jeans, had to go to relatives, there were no place in the hostel in the hostel (however, the visits to everyone were pleasure). Furniture is a minimum, but a lot in such a room and did not fit, the repair is very modest. The rooms are prohibited by electric heating devices and this, it seems to me, plus - less than the risk of fire, but we still set smuggling with smuggling. However, there was no particular need for this; That over the years past from the times of our studies, it really became better - so these are student dining rooms: simple, inexpensive, high-quality and healthy food. In addition, in Moscow at every step, supermarkets, where a student can always buy yogurt and fruits, without hammering his head with culinary delights. And prices for products in Moscow are not higher than in Novosibirsk.

And suddenly someone offended him ...

Another problem that worries mothers - will the child find a common language with fellow students? Will new friends get? Do not worry, everything will work out!

17-18 years old is the perfect age in order to acquire new friendly connections. The period of teenage aggression and the "styal instinct" is already behind, young people at this point are already fully tolerant, to friendly react to most peer features. At the same time, at this age, adolescents are still maximally open to everything new: dating, contacts, communication. Once in a situation where everyone around the same newbies, as he himself, the freshman is easily and naturally poured into the student medium, instantly finally finish friendly connections. Of course, someone can not be charged with someone, but fortunately, we usually have no problems in order to change the rooms in the hostel - it does not arise, and then this conflict does not go.

To live in a hostel after our family (and 10 years old in the same room with younger brother) - No problem in terms of climbing with neighbors!

The daughter is closed enough, and in the first year she was not lucky - it settled in one room with twin sisters, which, naturally, performed as one team. She did not have common interests with them, so she quickly began to annoy her neighbors. In a nine-meter room, it is generally not surprising ... I did not expect a daughter, which was then only 16, will be able so calmly and easily respond to conflict situations, not worry, not to dramatize, to compromise ... Recent years in a hostel she is already soul In the soul, there lived with his girlfriend-felling and psychological problems there were no!

In the hostel, my daughter was lucky with neighbors - they did not live there, only they were listed, and she lived alone more than six months. Then the girl was picked up to her, live together in a room on three.

Of course, it is impossible to ignore the character of the child: a closed house, perhaps it is better to spend several extra years near the family. So if the child is firmly intended to study in Novosibirsk - do not insist on the university in another city. Think, maybe it's your dream, not it? On the other hand, such a shake will become for a closed and unsure in itself a teenager to reveal, grow up, learn how to make friends (and even fall in love and build a personal relationship). Not bad, right?

Will a child study without control?

Of course, at the 11th grade, we do not check the notebook weekly, but there are school teachers who are doing this. In a situation where you seriously seriously interest in half a year, many freshmen relaxes are relaxing, especially if we studied in a strong school, where the part of the university course has already passed ... and in vain! Try to set up a child for conscientious work from the first day, without postponed "for later." However, the first session usually puts the head to the place!

For me, it became a complete surprise when the son missed the exam (the reason was respectful - the disease), then did not prepare for reliance and missed it, and did nothing to agree with the teacher about the deadlines of the new retake. So I stopped being a student of St. Petersburg State University ... But then the disease was only a pretext in the absence of motivation to continue learning from St. Petersburg (he received where the opportunity remained, and was disappointed, and did not pull, and realized that "not quite his").

Of course, I am afraid that "crashes", and he would not need to make health in the army; What will abandon study at all, it will be suitable, for example, on computer games. But! By his 18 years, I could not have a particularly influence on the situation at home - he could not learn, play and disappear in the evenings. So even, oddly enough, easier - not in front of the eyes, do not worry on trifles. While the session he passed on the five, everything seems fine.

The first semester presented to us an unpleasant surprise where we did not expect at all - physical education! Yes, yes, the skis stood the first pair and the daughter, the "owl" was lazy to get up in the morning, to go to the stadium ... I had to schitrate her to try, to draw the attention of physicians to a chronic disease, which, according to conscience, did not interfere with skiing. Then the missed classes had to work out .. fortunately, on unsporting freshmen on Easta, they watched if not through their fingers, then, in any case, quite condescendingly. And more such incidents did not repeat.

How can I deal with this?

We will not hide, the separation will give you harder than your child. But think about what opportunities will discover in the metropolitan university! How much interesting he will see how many friends will start, how much will travel (from Moscow and St. Petersburg to Europe can be reached at least by bus!), Finally, how much useful dates for the future career it will appear!

It was difficult for me (to gray hair, literally). Almost to the announcement of the results of the exam, the Son did not accept the Son's readiness to enter the capital's university, they discussed his classmates who were going to leave, I was serious about such a possibility, I was not morally not. I did not expect that the son will do the main emphasis on studies, and not on the turbulent social activities, as it happened and is still.

I miss very, yes! And we all miss. The daughter at one time did not go to a similar situation - and does not regret it, she liked the NSU, and there was less concerns, living at home, and the circle of communication was preserved. But the boy's career is probably more important. In both cases, we agreed with the decision of the children themselves.

The Faculties of St. Petersburg State University are not located in one place, it is the center, and Vasilyevsky Island, and Peterhof, where the daughter lives. It goes to the city as needed. Students in St. Petersburg have the opportunity to visit the Hermitage, Russian Museum for the minimum cost, and other museums too.

I do not know if Anya did not go to Peter, I would have visited there at all or not, and so I was there four times over the past year and a half!

What? What is not plus a student life in the capital?

Prepared Irina Ilina