When a child lies, what is the best thing to do? What to do if your child is lying, and how to stop him from lying? Expanding the boundaries of what is acceptable

Boasting. Almost all kids want to lie to their peers for everyone's admiration. After all, which of the children of 7-8 years old would not be surprised and envy the words of a friend or girlfriend that “My sister studies in England” or “My father is a very cool businessman, he goes around with security and earns millions a day”? So to speak, guys lie for the sake of image and envy. After all, you must admit, it’s nice when hundreds of admiring glances look at you.
Fear. Fear of punishment for a certain act pushes the baby to lie. Every person in childhood did not want to stand in a corner, and was afraid of his father’s belt like fire. This is what pushes the baby to lie. It’s much more convenient to blame everything on the cat who broke the vase, or on the friend who came to visit and ate all the sweets.
Fear of upsetting you. It is quite possible that it was you or someone close to you who almost forced the little one to lie. He loves you. And he doesn’t want to upset you with his grades or behavior. Most likely, this is due to the fact that you showed too much emotion and took everything to heart.
Lack of attention. Again, it is quite possible that again you are to blame for the child's lies. The toddler needs attention and communication, and sometimes parents often disappear at work or sit too long in front of the TV.
Fantasies. This is perhaps the best reason for lying. If your child is absolutely lying for this reason, then you can rejoice. Most likely, your child will grow up to be an interesting person with a rich inner world. It is quite possible that your baby will become a world classic

2. Talk to your child

It is important to talk to your child. Sit next to him and tell him directly that you know about the lies. Find out the reason for the lie. Promise that you will not punish the child. This is very important because some children are very afraid of being punished.

Also, do not forget to say that you love him or her very much, and his or her fault will not make you love him or her less. When talking, do not scold or blame the baby under any circumstances. Afterwards, tell us how you should have behaved in such a situation. Add that you will always come to his or her aid and he or she can count on you.

After several such conversations, having won the child’s trust, he will stop deceiving you. In such situations, it is important and necessary not to lose trust. Then it will be much more difficult to obtain. If you get it at all.

If the child has already become a teenager, then provide him with his own personal life, which you should not interfere with. Such a child already has a practically formed personality. And this person does not want intrusion into his life.

3. Identify lies during conversation

If you try to deceive, the child will not look you in the eyes. Just ask him to look you in the eyes. In the very first sentence, you will understand everything.
If you lie, your child will feel insecure, shift from foot to foot, and constantly itch.
The child will constantly stammer.
Ask him to repeat everything he said. More often than not, the deceiver will not be able to do this.
If the offspring is lying, his facial expression will change and his cheeks will turn red.
It is possible that hands behind your back or in your pockets can be signs of lying.
A finger near the mouth or nose signals that his words are lies.

4. If the lie is constant

As mentioned above, talk to your child. Don't punish. This applies to corporal punishment as well as to all others. Don't yell at him or threaten him with anything. This can become ingrained in the mind as a bad reaction to the truth.

There is no need to force anyone to speak under pressure either. So, the child may, on the contrary, move away from you.

Don't focus only on positive emotions. Negative ones can and should be considered the norm. If he sees that such a mood only upsets or even angers you, then he will not tell the truth.

It is quite possible that the main reason for lying is improper upbringing.

Teach your child to deal with consequences. For example, after breaking a vase, you need to remove the fragments.
Always remain an authority and role model for your child. Tell him the truth more often, with the words “I want to confess...”. This will show him how good it is to be honest.
Be sure to praise your child.

Remember, there is simply no one way to stop lying. Every child is unique.
Specialist help is required if a child is 10 years old and lies about any reason. This may signal possible diseases.
If the liar is no older than 5 years old, make it a joke. Laugh about it together.
Forceful methods when dealing with a teenager’s lies will only push him away.
Talk only in private. The parent who the child trusts more should talk. Talk about how unpleasant it is to communicate with a liar. Give examples from your personal life. Explain to him that if the deception is revealed, he will be in an awkward position. And honesty in dealing with people is highly valued.
Keep your emotions under control. Be restrained and calm. Don't show any emotion. Especially sadness, anger or melancholy.

Start with yourself

Most often, the child learns about the opportunity to tell a lie at home. At the parents' place. So, before you start weaning your child from lying, unlearn it yourself. And it would be nice to do this to all the other relatives of the child, such as grandparents, uncles, aunts, and so on.

Any parent has encountered lies from their children. But if in early age it looked like an innocent game and fantasy, then in adolescence hiding the truth can have more serious reasons and consequences.

At what age do children start lying?

At the age of 3-4 years Children's thinking is already sufficiently developed to invent unrealistic situations and fantasize. At this age, such behavior can hardly be called deception, because it is part of the development of the psyche. Kids talk about things that do not correspond to the truth, completely openly and without malicious intent, without fear of punishment.
After 4 years Kids already know how to distinguish between what is good and bad. Therefore, violating the prohibitions of parents and others, they may try to cheat and tell lies in order to avoid punishment or condemnation.
From 5 to 7 years Children are already well aware of the behavior of others. Seeing how adults tell lies, they imitate those around them and take on this behavior themselves, considering it the norm. If a child begins to lie at this age, parents need to explain in a gentle or playful way why it is impossible to lie, in order to prevent pathological lying at an older age.
At 13-14 years old the transition to adult life. By this point, they have a clear picture of their perception of the world and choose a certain line of behavior in life. During such a difficult period, an incorrectly formed attitude towards honesty can lead to lies becoming part of a teenager’s lifestyle, which can have a negative impact in adult life.

At this special age, parents need to be especially attentive to their children, but not overdo it with control. At the first signs of lying, you should understand the reasons and help overcome this shortcoming.

Why do many 13-14 year old teenagers constantly lie?

Before scolding a child for lying, you need to find out the reasons for this behavior:

The need for independence

Teenagers most often consider themselves to be quite adults who make independent decisions. This increases their self-esteem and gives them an incentive to improve themselves. A ban on certain actions or actions will inevitably lead to the teenager starting to tell lies, trying to defend his right. Irritation and punishment will only aggravate the situation, and parents risk completely losing the trust of their child, who will persistently stick to his line.

In such a situation, it is best to assess how harmless the teenager’s independent actions are. If he does unacceptable things, it is necessary to calmly and gently explain that he cannot yet do certain things himself. If necessary, you can offer an alternative.

For example, if a child skips classes, considering studying a waste of time, then you can offer him the right to a free day once a month, which he can spend on his hobbies.

Personal space

Overly ambitious parents, who want to raise a child prodigy according to all the canons of education, monitor not only his studies, but also all his activities outside of school. This may concern friends, hobbies, favorite music. It may seem to some that the teenager communicates with peers unworthy of his level or social status. In such situations, excessive control or punishment for disobedience can lead to the child closing himself off from his parents and starting to lie in defense of his right to privacy.

It is important to listen to the teenager’s wishes and find a joint solution. There is no need to prohibit him from music that his parents do not like, because everyone has different tastes. And communication with friends who cause suspicion can be transferred to the home environment, naturally, without adult intervention. This option will give him the right to communicate, and his parents will be able to take a closer look at his friends.

Fear of punishment

By the age of 13-14 years, children already understand what bad behavior they will be punished. Trying to avoid trouble, teenagers try to keep things quiet or deceive their parents. Most often at this age, conflicts arise due to poor performance or lack of discipline at school.

You need to understand that a child is not a robot and cannot always cope with the school load. Punish for bad rating Without finding out the reasons, it is completely unfair. It is best to understand the situation in a calm mood and try not to raise your tone. It would be a good idea for parents to remember that mistakes happen at work, which sometimes adults themselves hide behind lies or omissions.

Features of temperament

A tendency to fantasize and embellishment occurs among many at this age. If a child talks about his successes and is a little disingenuous, then it is best not to pay attention to this fact at all, but once again praise and show attention. But some children get so into it that they can no longer stop and even believe their own lies.

In such a situation, you can ask a few humorous questions that will reveal the deception, but there is no need to scold for such behavior: the liar, baffled, will already feel awkward and will think about it in the future before coming up with incredible feats.

Lack of attention

It often happens that teenagers deliberately lie, most often causing a negative reaction. With a lack of attention, children deliberately irritate their parents. If it seems that a son or daughter has become rude and impudent, then in most cases the reason for this is the busyness of parents who have abandoned their children. This situation often occurs in families in which there are younger children who receive more attention and care.

How to recognize lies in adolescence?

Despite the fact that children 13-14 years old are already quite smart and quick-witted, it is not difficult to recognize a lie by asking a couple of clarifying questions. The deceiver will quickly get confused in the details and become confused.

There are many nonverbal ways to recognize lies during a conversation:

The deceiver looks away and looks at the ceiling.
Involuntarily covers his mouth with his hands or fingers.
Touches the tip of the nose.
Tugging at his earlobe.
Scratching his neck and fiddling with his hair.
Stands in a closed position, legs crossed.

All these movements are very unnatural for calm behavior. For many, such gestures continue into adulthood.

Family psychotherapist Olga Troitskaya believes that isolated cases of lying are quite normal for both adults and the younger generation. She notes the fact that parents, irritated by disobedience and regular deceptions, do not think about the feelings of their son or daughter in a fit of anger. A teenager's lies are rarely caused by a happy event; rather, behind it lies a trouble that he does not want to talk about. Knowing that lying is bad, many children already experience enormous discomfort, which is aggravated by the irritation of their parents. In order to calmly resolve the problem, you need to put yourself in the place of your child and try, first of all, to bring him to peace of mind, and then sort out the situation.

Psychologist Anton Sorin focuses on the fact that that lack of attention is one of the main reasons for teenage lies. At the same time, he draws attention to the fact that overprotection and authoritarian control are not manifestations of attention.

How to deal with a cheating teenager:

The conversation on the topic of lies should begin , being in a calm, balanced state, having previously thought through the questions that will be asked.
In order not to offend the teenager , so as not to push him away from communication, you can pre-record your questions on a voice recorder and listen to them - perhaps some wording may sound tactless.
Before starting a conversation, make sure that the child is in a calm mood and is not overexcited or tired.
It's better to start a conversation with phrases , which will make it clear that the parent is friendly. For example, “Listen, they say here that...” or “Is it true that they told me...”. Such phrases will help the deceiver to begin to present the situation himself, and not to extract information from him.
Having found out the reason , about which the teenager lied, you need to show him your sympathy and willingness to help. For example, with the phrase “Let’s think together about how to do...”.
If punishment is still inevitable , then it would be nice to express your regret: “I’m very sorry, but I’ll have to limit you in…” At the same time, it’s better not to use phrases with the word “punishment.”
At the end of the conversation express sincere hope that the situation will be corrected: “You will succeed”, “I believe that you can do it next time...”.

There is no need to create a tragedy by learning about a child’s deception. Many adults also lie in everyday life, setting a bad example. In order to solve the problem of lying and not lose the trust of your children, you just need to learn to listen to them and become a reliable friend to them.

Most likely, many mothers and fathers have had to face the fact that their child does not always tell the truth. Children enjoy embellishing their stories a little and imagining things. Parents are worried: why do children lie? And if you don’t pay attention to this, then an incorrigible liar may grow up in the family. Our article is about how to stop a child from lying. You will also find out what to do if a child is lying, and read useful tips psychologist.

Where does deception begin?

Children's lies: norm or deviation?

It is interesting that some psychologists consider children's lies to be the norm and do not consider them as a negative phenomenon. From what? In the first years of life, a child develops rapidly, receiving a large flow of varied information: he processes it, learns to use it daily. He begins to understand what is reality and what is fiction. While developing speech, the baby relies on his logical thinking. He forms a certain impression about the world around him, and what he cannot find an explanation for, he completes using his imagination.

Little children begin to be cunning when adults forbid something. This is where logic kicks in again and the kid thinks: “If this is not possible, then if I say something else, will it be possible?” And the child begins to select options on how to get what is forbidden. This is where the deception begins.

“As a child grows up, a child’s innocent lies can develop into the habit of getting what he wants through deception, and this is no longer good.”

The main reasons for children's lies

Children lie for a variety of reasons.

Among the main reasons for children's lies are the following:

desire to get what parents forbid
desire to appear better than he really is
fear of punishment
self-justification
improvement of social status
contradiction of the child's expectations
lies of a pathological nature.

Let's consider each of the reasons separately in order to understand what to do in this or that case.

The desire to get what parents forbid

How does this happen?“Dad let me take the candy!” (and dad wasn’t even at home). “I didn’t know what time it was, so I was late home,” etc.

What should I do? If in your family the word “impossible” is repeated more often than others, then the child will be forced to defend his rights and interests with the help of lies. It is better to reconsider your prohibitions and reduce their number. Leave those related to the child’s safety, his diet and dietary traditions, as well as some educational issues. Having gained a little more independence, the child will feel freedom and will develop a sense of responsibility for his actions. In addition, explain to the child that what he wants can be obtained through other means, for example, by asking and explaining why he needs it, as well as by following the rules outlined by the parents.

The desire to appear better than one really is

How does this happen? A child may begin to talk about his extraordinary strength, dexterity, intelligence, courage, endurance, although it will be clear to adults: he is trying to pass off wishful thinking.

What should I do? How to treat this - as a lie or as a fantasy? This symptom is very alarming. The child lies to interest his parents. Why? Maybe he doesn’t have enough warmth, affection, attention, love, interest, or real support. One of the main tasks of parents is to stimulate the development of their child’s abilities and explain that each person has his own talents. Some are good at skateboarding, some sing or dance great, and some know everything about the Egyptian pyramids or space. So you need to develop and show your real abilities, and then no one will consider you a liar or a braggart.

Fear of punishment

How does this happen? If a child understands that for accidentally breaking a cup he can be deprived of something good or, worse, beaten, he will try his best to hide the “traces of the crime.”

What should I do? By punishing the child too often and severely, parents provoke his desire to avoid them in any way. It’s better to make decisions about punishment after the fact: if you broke it - you need to remove it, if you broke it - you need to fix it, you got a bad mark - you need to study and fix it. This will be fair, since such an attitude will not offend the child’s dignity, as a result of which he will not want to resort to deception.

Self-justification

How does this happen? Sometimes a child realizes that he has done a bad thing, begins to mutter something, say a lot of things, tries to explain himself in order to justify himself, for example: “He started it first!” After which a story is given about how the offender started first, what offenses he caused, etc. Note that the “offender” tells a similar story.

What should I do? Such lies are the most difficult to eradicate. This lie, like a stain remover, is designed to bring the “victim’s” self-esteem back to normal. Try to make it clear to your child that you still love him, even if he was the one who “started it first.” Discuss what happened on a friendly note, and then there will be less deception.

Improved social status

How is it happening?Sometimes d they tend to just make things up incredible stories about their parents: about their wealth, about the toys they give in tons, about trips to distant countries, about how dad appears on TV almost every day. These dreams of a better existence indicate the child’s dissatisfaction with his social status. A child can understand such things already at 3-4 years old, and at 5 years old he will already have a good understanding of who is rich and who is poor.

What should I do? If the child’s deception is “status”, you need to think about whether it is possible to give him at least part of what he so dreams of? Maybe not “just like that,” but so that the child puts in a little of his own effort. Regarding “greedy” preschoolers who uncontrollably want to get all the toys on earth, explain that this is unrealistic, but it is possible to receive good gifts from time to time.

Conflicting child's expectations

How does this happen? Let's say a girl loves to draw, and her mother sees her as a musician; the boy wants to enroll in a radio club, and his dad sees him as a talented translator. While their parents are away from home, they draw and design, and then lie that they were diligently studying music or English. Or a child with quite average abilities, whom his parents want to see as an excellent student, talks about the bias of his teachers, justifying his low level of success.

What should I do? Unfortunately, it happens that the expectations of parents are a heavy burden for children. This is an alarming symptom. Think about whether your expectations contradict the child’s inclinations and interests? It is dishonest to force him to show abilities and achieve goals instead of you (in accordance with your unfulfilled childhood dreams), “for you in childhood.” Understand that your child is on his own path, and if you create favorable conditions for the development of what he does best, there will be less deception.

Pathological children's lies occurs infrequently, and it requires consultation with specialist psychologists in each individual case.

Lies of children of different ages

It is difficult to distinguish lies from fantasy in children under school age.

“Children can lie for the first time when they are 3-4 years old. And at the age of 6 years, the child will already clearly understand that he is deliberately lying.”

Let's see how children's lies manifest themselves at different ages:

4-5 years. Preschoolers can confuse reality with a fictional world, so they wishful thinking - these are the features of their development. The lies of children of this age cannot be perceived as the opposite of the truth. It's more of a fantasy.

7-9 years old. In the minds of younger schoolchildren, a line between the real and the fictional world already appears. Children experiment with the possibilities of lying, knowing that what they are saying is not true. Parents should know that behind frequent lies there may be more serious problems that are better understood.

How to teach a child to be honest

If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for his own benefit, think about what the problem is and how to eradicate it.

"Advice. There is no way to do without prohibitions in education, since permissiveness is not a way out of the situation.”

How to explain to a child that any lie is a bad quality?

If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for his own benefit, think about what the problem is and how to eradicate it. In this case, it is necessary to analyze the situation and find out the reasons for dishonesty. After all, children usually don’t lie just like that: their circumstances provoke them to do so. By calmly understanding the reasons for the lie, it will not be difficult for the parent to achieve a positive result.
You need to talk with your child more often on topics of good and evil, analyzing various situations, using examples of children's films and cartoons, and fairy tales.
Showcase your positive example. For example, when dad is at home and you say on the phone that he is not there, you show your child that lying is not a bad thing.
Tell your child that there is a “polite lie,” which involves treating people tactfully in order not to offend them (for example, when you didn’t like a birthday present).

Watch a video about manifestations of children's lies and ways to eradicate them

Useful advice from a psychologist will help you organize the educational process correctly:

Don't punish people for cheating. Your indignation and screaming will only tell your child that the lie should be hidden more strongly. At the same time, the child will not stop lying, but will only become more secretive.
Learn to distinguish between children's fantasies (which can be useful) and lies. Children are prone to inventions. If you hear them more often than you would like, try to diversify your child’s leisure time.

A child will be honest if he is confident that his parents will never humiliate him.

A child will be honest if:

will be sure that his parents will never humiliate him
will not be afraid of the anger of dad and mom or be rejected by them
will know that he will be supported in a difficult situation and given good advice
will be confident that if they punish it, it will be fair
will know that in a controversial situation his parents will be on his side
will be sure that there is trust in the family.

Do you want your child to be honest? Make truth a cult in your family. Praise your child for being honest. It is better to teach a child not to lie than to punish him all the time.

Most likely, many mothers and fathers have had to face the fact that their child does not always tell the truth. Children enjoy embellishing their stories a little and imagining things. Parents are worried: why do children lie? And if you don’t pay attention to this, then an incorrigible liar may grow up in the family. Our article is about how to stop a child from lying. You will also learn what to do if a child is lying, and read useful advice from a psychologist.

Where does deception begin?

Children's lies: norm or deviation?

It is interesting that some psychologists consider children's lies to be the norm and do not consider them as a negative phenomenon. From what? In the first years of life, a child develops rapidly, receiving a large flow of varied information: he processes it, learns to use it daily. He begins to understand what is reality and what is fiction. When developing speech, the baby relies on his logical thinking. He forms a certain impression about the world around him, and what he cannot find an explanation for, he completes using his imagination.

“As a child grows up, a child’s innocent lies can develop into the habit of getting what he wants through deception, and this is no longer good.”

The main reasons for children's lies

Children lie for a variety of reasons.

Among the main reasons for children's lies are the following:

desire to get what parents forbid
desire to appear better than he really is
fear of punishment
self-justification
improvement of social status
contradiction of the child's expectations
lies of a pathological nature.

Let's consider each of the reasons separately in order to understand what to do in this or that case.

The desire to get what parents forbid

How does this happen?“Dad let me take the candy!” (and dad wasn’t even at home). “I didn’t know what time it was, so I was late home,” etc.

The desire to appear better than one really is

Fear of punishment

Self-justification

Improved social status

How is it happening?Sometimes d Children tend to invent simply incredible stories about their parents: about their wealth, about toys that are given in tons, about trips to distant countries, about how dad appears on TV almost every day. These dreams of a better existence indicate the child’s dissatisfaction with his social status. A child can understand such things already at 3-4 years old, and at 5 years old he will already have a good understanding of who is rich and who is poor.

Conflicting child's expectations

Pathological children's lies occurs infrequently, and it requires consultation with specialist psychologists in each individual case.

Lies of children of different ages

It is difficult to distinguish lies from fantasy in preschool children.

“Children can lie for the first time when they are 3-4 years old. And at the age of 6 years, the child will already clearly understand that he is deliberately lying.”

Let's see how children's lies manifest themselves at different ages:

How to teach a child to be honest

If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for his own benefit, think about what the problem is and how to eradicate it.

"Advice. There is no way to do without prohibitions in education, since permissiveness is not a way out of the situation.”

How to explain to a child that any lie is a bad quality?

If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for his own benefit, think about what the problem is and how to eradicate it. In this case, it is necessary to analyze the situation and find out the reasons for dishonesty. After all, children usually don’t lie just like that: their circumstances provoke them to do so. By calmly understanding the reasons for the lie, it will not be difficult for the parent to achieve a positive result.
You need to talk with your child more often on topics of good and evil, analyzing various situations, using examples of children's films and cartoons, and fairy tales.
Showcase your positive example. For example, when dad is at home and you say on the phone that he is not there, you show your child that lying is not a bad thing.
Tell your child that there is a “polite lie,” which involves treating people tactfully in order not to offend them (for example, when you didn’t like a birthday present).

Watch a video about manifestations of children's lies and ways to eradicate them

Useful advice from a psychologist will help you organize the educational process correctly:

Don't punish people for cheating. Your indignation and screaming will only tell your child that the lie should be hidden more strongly. At the same time, the child will not stop lying, but will only become more secretive.
Learn to distinguish between children's fantasies (which can be useful) and lies. Children are prone to inventions. If you hear them more often than you would like, try to diversify your child’s leisure time.

A child will be honest if he is confident that his parents will never humiliate him.

A child will be honest if:

will be sure that his parents will never humiliate him
will not be afraid of the anger of dad and mom or be rejected by them
will know that he will be supported in a difficult situation and given good advice
will be confident that if they punish it, it will be fair
will know that in a controversial situation his parents will be on his side
will be sure that there is trust in the family.

Do you want your child to be honest? Make truth a cult in your family. Praise your child for being honest. It is better to teach a child not to lie than to punish him all the time.

“Once I was at a children’s camp at sea. I was 12 then. Next to me there were absolutely strangers, to whom you could tell everything you wanted. It felt good to spice up my life a little. My dad was an outstanding physicist instead of an ordinary employee of the institute. I turned our one-room apartment on the outskirts of the city into a huge three-ruble apartment in the center. The process of lying fascinated me so much that I couldn’t stop” - Sergei told us this story, he is now 35, but it is before his eyes as if it happened a week ago. “Writing like this helped me become more confident, added social status to me, and temporarily “improved” my life.”

Sometimes a child lies not out of self-interest or fear, but because of an excess of imagination. He wants to present his life to others as more interesting, fabulous, meaningful

Often, lying helps solve some of the child’s psychological problems. By changing the world in this way, he learns to understand internal relationships and laws. By resorting to lies, children cope more easily with difficult moments in life, become more confident and happier.

Reasons for lying

All children lie sooner or later. Some lie more often - often these are children who are insecure. Why do children most often use lies? Most often, a child lies in order to increase his “worth” in the eyes of peers and elders or to avoid punishment. Beneath the seemingly superficial manifestations of lies there are deep internal problems, the solution of which requires great tact and a special approach from parents. The author of several books on the psychology of children, psychologist Lawrence Kutner, names 5 main reasons underlying lies.

Fear of punishment

Often the reason for parental punishment is inflated expectations for children. Punishment frightens children; they try to “protect themselves” with lies. A five-year-old child is not yet able to clean up after dinner or neatly fold his bed without a reminder. Then when the mother asks if the baby has cleaned everything, he replies that everything is in order, although in fact he has not done it yet. Now it is clear why excessive demands on children are harmful - they develop in them the ability to lie. The Five-Year Plan cannot yet defend its position on its own. The child lies to adapt to living conditions.

Increasing self-esteem is another common goal of “liars.” Children try to elevate themselves in the eyes of their classmates and become a step higher through deception. To put it simply, the kids lie that they recently met a popular singer or a famous football player. Liars often exaggerate in their stories about their parents' income and wealth. This kind of boasting is quite common and moms and dads shouldn't worry about it. If a child lies more and more often in order to add status to himself, then it is worth discussing this issue with him and finding out what the reason for such deception lies - perhaps his comrades ridicule him or simply do not pay attention to him.

Protest

An overly strict authoritarian regime in the family is another common reason for lying. When a child turns 10-12 years old, he feels that he is subject to the authority of his parents and is forced to tell them everything, which means that his task is to begin to deceive in order to isolate himself and assert himself.

Setting Personal Boundaries

As a teenager ages, he feels the need for independence. He needs personal space, and parents who try to get into these personal boundaries receive lies and concealment from their child. The desire to be alone is especially noticeable when a child lies in response to an adult’s question and accompanies this with rudeness and rudeness.

As a child grows up, he may become somewhat distant from his parents and try to delineate the boundaries of his personal life. If mom and dad put pressure on the child, they may get a lie in response

Family problems

Regular lies indicate problems in the family. Lies can be aggravated by theft and vandalism. If a child deliberately wants to ruin the things of loved ones, then he expresses his cry for help, which speaks better than all words. In a family on the verge of divorce, such outbursts of aggression are very often noticeable. Steal something from parents or spoil it the right thing- ways to unite a collapsing family, to reconcile parents at least for a short time. The child does this unconsciously, but these actions clearly express his needs.

When do children start lying?

Up to 3-5 years

For a child, the difference between fiction and reality is not yet obvious. Often he presents his fantasies as a real fact - deception is part of the development of the psyche. In this case, this is not untrue, but simply fiction. Let your child have plenty of imagination - this is an excellent training for imagination and creative abilities.

From 6 to 12 years

Children are able to conduct an internal monologue at the age of 6-7 years, where they modify their thoughts and come up with new details. This is the age when they finely feel the line: what can be said, what is better to remain silent about, and what things can be conveyed differently. “How can I stop my mother from swearing? - the child thinks. “What will help you earn praise?” School-age children begin to lie more and more often, and their deception is becoming increasingly difficult to recognize. Sometimes they persuade their friends and even adults to participate in their lies, consciously or unconsciously.

A schoolchild of 8-11 years old already understands what is fiction and what is reality; he easily maneuvers between truth and lies, conducting unique experiments that show his ability to deceive. If a child lies constantly, then this is a sign of serious problems.

About the reasons for children's lies and ways to solve this problem, watch the video clip from an expert on our portal:

child psychologist
non-medical psychotherapist

What to do if a child is lying?

How parents should respond to lies little man: punish him, ignore him or laugh at his words? We offer several professional advice specialists:

Trust: any relationship, and especially between parents and children, is unthinkable without trust. Parents must adhere to the presumption of innocence, i.e. the child is not initially guilty. Don’t immediately criticize his statement, listen first.
Laugh together: a little lie may well be met with humor - this method is great for kids who are just beginning to practice deception, realizing a little that reality and fiction are different things. Game form reactions will help smooth out an unpleasant lie. For example, little 5-year-old Tanya said that she had already brushed her teeth and put the toothpaste and brush on the shelf, and her mother saw that all this had been thrown into the sink. “How did our toothpaste and brush fly into the sink? It’s no different that they grew wings!” Mom’s funny remark will be an incentive for Tanya to go and put everything back in its place.
Assess the consequences: a child who is just starting to lie deserves to be explained to him in a clear and accessible form about the dangers of lying. This should be done in private, so as not to traumatize the baby’s psyche with humiliation. In a conversation, mention that every action or word has its own result, response, and that this result may not always be positive. This method will help the child understand the connection between the present and the future, and will wean him from deceiving.

Laughter is the best therapy and The best way rapprochement. If a child lies in small things, it is better for the mother to turn it all into a joke, but make it clear that she noticed the lie

The punishment is proportionate to the offense

If you ask a 5-9 year old child what will happen if you tell a lie, then in most cases you will hear the answer that he will be punished - the main deterrent at this age. The kid does not yet realize the consequences of his lies (friends will stop believing, problems will begin at school). If the lie was serious, then the child should certainly be punished. By supporting our words with actions, we will help the preschooler establish cause-and-effect relationships. If we explained before that every action or word will have its consequences, but we ourselves did not show the necessary firmness in this matter, then the child will understand that everything can be done, because there are no consequences. Punishment should be commensurate with the depth of guilt. As punishment, you can choose to deprive yourself of pleasures or entertainment, but you should not cancel moments that are important for children's health and development.

Don't be dramatic

A lie told is not something supernatural. Every person has “tasted” a lie at least once in his life. A pathological tendency to lie, which should be sorted out and “treated” by adults, always has other additional manifestations nearby. An excited child does not have as his goal profit or the desire to avoid punishment - often such children run away from home or are the instigators of conflicts at school.

Be honest

Often parents, without noticing it themselves, teach their child to lie when they contradict each other on certain issues. Lies and deception included in daily life, will be the main scheme for building relationships with other people. How to stop a child from lying (we recommend reading:)? The main rule for parents is to never lie to yourself, because you are a role model. Encourage your child for telling the truth, especially if it was not so easy to do. Be sensitive and attentive, discuss more often what is good and what is bad. Analyze possible options solving the problem. Honesty and kindness are the key strong relationships between generations.

Clinical and perinatal psychologist, graduated from the Moscow Institute of Perinatal Psychology and Reproductive Psychology and Volgograd State Medical University with a degree in clinical psychology