Quotes from famous people about resentment, forgiveness ...
The enemy is not the one who hurts, but the one who does it deliberately. (Democritus)
Nature has arranged it so that grievances are remembered longer than good deeds. The good is forgotten, but the grievances persist in memory. (Lucius Anney Seneca Jr.)
It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend. (Friedrich Nietzsche)
I'm not vindictive - I'm just angry, and my memory is bad: I will take revenge, forget and take revenge again.
To forgive is not to forget. (Sarah Bernhardt)
Time heals sorrows and resentments because a person changes: he is no longer who he was. Both the offender and the offended have become different people. (Blaise Pascal)
When a woman is wrong, the first step is to ask her for forgiveness. (Francis de Croisset)
Because of every offense, one cannot deny a friend. (Muhammad Azzahiri As-Samarkandi)
It is impossible to offend a reasonable person; you are offended just as much as the senses are superior to reason. (Frantisek Cover)
Taking offense at bad words means agreeing with them. (Erian Schultz)
If you have not forgotten the offense, then you simply have not forgiven yet!
Anyone can get angry - it's easy; but to get angry with the one at whom it is necessary, and as much as it is necessary, and for the reason for which it is necessary, and as it is necessary - this is not given to everyone. (Aristotle)
People of a small mind are sensitive to small insults. People of great mind notice everything and do not take offense at anything. (Francois de La Rochefoucauld)
To understand is to forgive.
Three things are never forgiven to women. But no one knows which ones and why ...
Forgiving is the ability to give love in the most difficult circumstances.
Forgiving enemies is a wonderful feat; but there is a feat even more beautiful, even more human - this is the understanding of enemies, because understanding is at once forgiveness, justification, reconciliation. (Alexander Herzen)
Holy Scripture tells us to forgive our enemies, but nothing of the kind is said about friends. (Francis Bacon)
To be wrong is a human property, to forgive is a property of the gods. (Alexander Pop)
He who forgives ends the quarrel. (African proverb)
The stupid one looks for mistakes from others, the clever one looks for himself, and the wise one forgives everyone. (Valentina Bednova)
Yes ... It's too late to ask the deceased for forgiveness. (A.V. Ivanov, Novocherkassk)
We must make a choice for ourselves to free ourselves and forgive everyone without exception, especially ourselves. Even if we don't know how to forgive, we need to want it strongly. (Louise Hay)
Without forgiving a mistake, you make a mistake yourself. (Stas Yankovsky)
Only the strong can forgive. (Eliza Ozheshko)
He who takes revenge sometimes regrets the perfect; one who forgives never regrets it. (Dumas A. father)
He who laughs is not angry, because to laugh is to forgive. (Klyuchevsky V.)
Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven. (Gospel of Luke)
Perhaps the only thing that matters in life is getting forgiveness from those you love. Only this can heal your soul and heart. (Terry Goodkind)
What is the biggest sin in the world? The fact that a person does not know how to forgive! (Luule Viilma)
Seeking guilt outside of everything, I was so angry that I crawled out of my skin, and that guilt is always in me, I guessed much later. (Igor Guberman)
If you did something wrong ... never ask for forgiveness. Do not say anything. Send flowers. No letters. Only flowers. They cover everything. Even the graves ... (E.M. Remark "Three Comrades")
The ability to forgive is a property of the strong, the weak never forgive. (Mahatma Gandhi)
Revenge is a dish that is best left in the fridge. (Boris Krieger)
Forgive your enemies - you may still have to work together.
Peter asked Christ, "Master, should I forgive another person seven times?"
And Christ answered: "Not seven, but seventy times."
Miracles are beautiful, but to comfort a brother, to help a friend rise from the depths of suffering, to forgive the enemy for his delusions are the greatest miracles in the world. (Voltaire)
God will forgive me the nonsense that I said about him, as I forgive my opponents the nonsense that they wrote against me, although spiritually they were as much lower than me as I am lower than you, O Lord! (Heine Heinrich)
What has - we do not store, having lost - we cry. (Kozma Prutkov)
I consider the best and most impeccable person who forgives others as if he himself makes mistakes every day, and refrains from mistakes as if he does not forgive anyone. (Pliny the Younger)
Talented actresses should be forgiven for their whims, for poor, talented ladies are no less capricious. (Renard Jules)
We all sin against each other, but few are able to repent before others. And in order for the relationship to resurrect, you need to come up and say: "I'm sorry." And if it is from the heart and from the heart they answer you, the evil will go away.
Priest Alexy Potokin
Forgiving and accepting forgiveness is an art. The art of forgiveness is that foolish forgiveness multiplies sin. Late forgiveness kills, while wise and timely forgiveness inspires.
Priest Konstantin Kamyshanov
You don't forgive others to heal them.
You forgive others in order to heal yourself.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it liberates the future.
If you suffer from the injustice of a bad person, forgive him, otherwise there will be two bad people.
Augustine Aurelius
Forgiving is a great gift.
Moreover, it costs nothing.
The best reaction to enemy criticism is to smile and forget.
Vladimir Nabokov
BE ABLE TO FORGIVE
You need to be able to forgive. Many people think that forgiveness is a sign of weakness. But the words "I forgive you" do not mean at all - "I am too soft a person, therefore I cannot be offended and you can continue to spoil my life, I will not tell you a single word", they mean - "I will not let the past spoil my future and the present, so I forgive you and let go of all insults.
There is magic in forgiveness ... Magic of healing. As in the forgiveness that you give, so in the forgiveness that you yourself receive.
It all starts with forgiveness. If we harbor resentment, it is a manifestation of pride. I don't take it as mine, I blame someone else for it. I do not understand that I am a Soul that has committed some wrong actions, and now these lessons are returning to me.
If a person hurt you, do not answer him in kind, do good. You are a different person. You are better. Remember.
One of the most useful life skills is the ability to quickly forget everything bad: not to get hung up on troubles, not to live with resentment, not to revel in irritation, not to harbor anger ... You should not drag various rubbish into your soul.
If people are judging or criticizing you, remember that more often than not, the very moment they criticize you, they think exclusively of themselves. Do not be angry or offended by them, just understand that it hurts people when they cannot oppose anything to what you are superior to.
Being able to forgive and asking for forgiveness is the foundation for a lasting relationship. It is important to learn to sincerely and wholeheartedly say "Sorry" to each other instead of hurting each other with needles of reproaches and claims.
Resentment and resentment are like poison that you drink in the hope that others will be poisoned. Happiness begins with forgiveness.
Cassie Combden
As soon as a person gets sick, he needs to look for someone in his Heart who needs to be forgiven.
Forgiveness is the strongest of all victories.
One little boy, when asked what forgiveness is, gave a wonderful answer: "It is the scent that a flower gives when trampled."
The most essential science is the science of forgetting the unnecessary. Antisthenes.
Your ability to love others ... and yourself ... is directly proportional to your willingness to forgive others and yourself.
For example, instead of loving the parents you would like, try to learn to love the parents you have.
To heal from past trauma, you must first get angry, mourn the loss, and finally forgive them all.
You will not be able to completely forgive anyone until you are willing to voluntarily surrender the right to revenge and restitution ... - forever.
You don't forgive others to heal them.
You forgive others in order to heal yourself.
Chuck Hillig
"You cannot defeat the enemy until you heal what you think is low in yourself."I Ching (Book of Changes)
Very often in other people we painfully perceive precisely those actions, reactions, feelings with which we sin ourselves. And the real, true forgiveness of another person begins with the ability to see your own weaknesses and shortcomings.
Perhaps we need to learn to forgive ourselves before we can allow others to forgive us for the wrong we have done to them, or before we ourselves can (in our souls or face to face) forgive them for the wrong they have done us.
And you forget - and it will become easier.
And you forgive - and there will be a Holiday.
And you strive - and you will succeed ...
Do not be stingy - and you will be rewarded!
And it will come back to you - it will be rewarded ...
And you believe - and they will!
Start yourself - it will start all around!
And you LOVE! And you will be credited!
The ability to ignore is even more valuable than the ability to forgive. For we are forced to forgive what we have already attached importance to.
Today is Forgiveness Sunday.
Do not forget to ask forgiveness from everyone who has been offended in the past year.
And also - do good deeds!
Forgiveness Protects Our Heart
Sometimes we forgive the offender, sometimes we keep the bitter feeling to ourselves, grieving or coming up with a way to take revenge. How does this affect our cardiovascular system? First, the participants in the experiment had to recall the case when they were severely offended. They were asked to imagine that they are taking revenge on the offender, and in order to warm up the resentment, remember how they suffered, what pain they experienced. Then they were asked to forgive their offender, try to find an explanation for his act, admit that all people have their own weaknesses ... Cardiograms and tomography readings left no doubt: negative emotions and resentment increase the heartbeat and increase blood pressure, and the manifestation of empathy immediately relieves stress. So now it has been scientifically proven: to be offended is harmful.
Are you already familiar with Ho "oponopono? This is a very simple spiritual practice that gives incredible results. The essence of the practice is that you open your heart and create a reality full of love and harmony with the words:
1. "I love you."
2. "Forgive me."
3. "I'm sorry."
4. "Thank you."
The principal point of Ho "oponopono is taking on 100% responsibility for everything that happens in the world. That is, not only for our actions, but in general for everything that we know or do not even suspect.
It is considered wrong not to ask or give forgiveness when you are asked, however, which of the named is still more terrible?
Learn to forgive people, otherwise you will protect yourself from people with an impenetrable wall of your own thoughts.
Soul beauty in a person is much more important than bodily forms, and nothing so paints the soul as the ability to sincerely forgive.
You must forgive your offenders. Of course, if there is such a desire, because stepping over oneself for someone's peace of mind, at least, is unreasonable.
Uncontrolled generosity borders on indifference.
One should not forgive one's mistakes, but learn from them.
- Sorry, you don't ... - Sorry!
Ill-wishers must be forgiven in order to prevent them from reaching their goal of sowing anger in you.
Forgetting to someone the evil that has been said about you is much easier than taking off the burden of foul language sent to someone's address.
The idea of universal equality strikes me with horror, because forgiving an equal can be much more difficult than someone who is lower or higher than you.
I am ready to forgive you everything, except for this nasty weather! This, alas, is beyond my strength.
Read the continuation of beautiful quotes on the pages:
Forgiveness is a feat of the heart. Ravil Aleev
The one who never forgives is the most unforgivable. Leonid S. Sukhorukov
He got away with everything, even what he got away with selling stolen goods. Aron Vigushin
An apology does not mean that you are wrong and the other person is right. It just means that the value of your relationship is more important than your own ego.
People who do not feel love for themselves usually do not know how to forgive. Louise Hay
I hate people who cannot forgive. Friedrich Nietzsche
To say goodbye is to forgive. Until you forgive a person, you will not be able to say goodbye to him. Olga Muravyova
Having forgiven the wrongdoing, you induce the worst. Publius Sire
You must forgive with a reminder to remember. Ishkhan Gevorgyan
One who has not forgiven the enemy has not experienced one of the most subtle pleasures of life. Johann Lavater
The ability to forgive does not come immediately, but as you realize that no one cares about your grievances. Mikhail Mamchich
I do not forgive her that I loved her. Anton Pavlovich Chekhov
Forgiving is harder than saying goodbye. Igor Sivolob
A woman forgives only when she is guilty. Arsene Husse
The ability to forgive is a property of the strong. The weak never forgive. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
Forgiveness is the highest form of understanding and mercy; the mercy of the heart to the one who smashes him. Ravil Aleev
Infidelity can be forgiven, but not forgotten. Marie de Sevigne
Forgiveness of the offender is an act of mercy first of all - to oneself, because the smoldering and smoldering offense in the heart causes tangible harm to the ecology of the soul. Yuri Tatarkin
When you are not guilty, it is especially difficult to get forgiveness. Arkady Davidovich
To forgive is not to forget. Sarah Bernhardt
Everything can be experienced, except death, and people are ready to forgive you everything, except for an unblemished reputation. Oscar Wilde
Whoever has a family broken up or a spouse died should know that by forgiving the past, you are shaping your future. First of all, talk to your stresses. Forgive your fears, guilt, economic problems, such as you personally have. Forgive yourself for taking them into yourself, and ask your body for forgiveness. What did it do to your body badly. Luule Viilma
Strange people, do nasty things to each other, and ask God for forgiveness Igor Sivolob
We are always glad to forgive ourselves ... Nikolay Sudenko
Forgiveness is the strongest of all victories. Johann Friedrich Schiller
I can forgive everyone, but, on the other hand, why should I forgive everyone? A. V. Ivanov
I forgive people who do not share my opinion, but I do not forgive those who do not share their own opinion. S. Talleyrand
The step towards meeting begins with confrontation. Evgeny Kascheev
It is not difficult to forgive a person, it is more difficult not to make him repulsive Oleg Sviridov
Forgive me for not recognizing you, but I have changed so much! Oscar Wilde
Forgiveness must come from the one who is feeling bad. Luule Viilma
Know how to forgive, and your power will multiply. Publius Sire
Farewell to the first of those who cannot forgive your superiority. Leonid S. Sukhorukov
True forgiving is the bridge that frees us from guilt and fear and allows us to experience heaven on earth. Gerald Yampolsky
Holy Scripture tells us to forgive our enemies, but nothing of the kind is said about friends. Francis Bacon
If you can, resort to forgiveness, but if you cannot, go and crucify! Ravil Aleev
Foolish is he who inflicts offense. A hundred times more stupid is the one who does not know how to forgive them. Unknown (Misc)
Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven. Gospel of Luke
The law is above revenge, mercy is above the law, and forgiveness is at the feet of God. Ravil Aleev
Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much. Unknown (Humor)
Ask yourself: “What is tormenting me now? And forgive those that torment ”. Luule Viilma
Our resentment and anger has to do only with us, with our ability to forgive ourselves. Louise Hay
The most accomplished person, I will call the one who knows how to forgive others. Pliny the Younger
Forgiveness is the ultimate remedy. Ravil Aleev
One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to grant forgiveness to all people every night before going to bed. Anne Landers
You cannot forgive those who do not know how to forgive. Friedrich Nietzsche
Forgive everyone - you will enjoy free time. Valentina Bednova
The anger of kind people is nothing more than an urgent need to forgive. Pierre Augustin Beaumarchais
A person who forgives his parents and parents, saves their souls from the yoke of guilt and at the same time frees both them and his soul for future children. Luule Viilma
Forgiving everyone is no better than not forgiving anyone. Jean Baptiste Laroche
People will forgive you everything that does not concern them. Yuzef Bulatovich
Only those we no longer love are unforgivable mistakes. Madeleine de Scudery
We must make the choice for ourselves to free ourselves and forgive everyone without exception, especially ourselves. Even if we don't know how to forgive, we need to want it strongly. Louise Hay
There is no forgiveness of roofing felts, only the wrong ones were asked. Mikhail Mamchich
A woman forgives everything, but she often reminds that she has forgiven. Simone de Beauvoir
Forgive your enemies - you may still have to work together. Unknown (Humor)
As soon as a person gets sick, he needs to look in his heart for someone to forgive. Louise Hay
We must forgive those whom you cannot take revenge on. Arkady Davidovich
If I had not forgiven myself for this, I would never have forgiven myself. Efim Spiegel
Forgiving your enemies is the best way to piss them off. Oscar Wilde
God forgives someone who forgives others. Olga Muravyova
Only the strong can forgive. Eliza Ozheshko
To be wrong is a human property, to forgive is a property of the gods. Alexander Pop
Forgive your old enemies - you already have new ones. Krzysztof Konkolewski
It is very easy to forgive others for their mistakes; it is much more difficult to forgive them for witnessing our mistakes. Jessamine West
A fool seeks mistakes from others, a smart one from himself, and a wise one forgives everyone. Valentina Bednova
To forgive is easy, but hard to forget that he showed such generosity as forgiveness, and did not hear any special thanks. Yuri Tatarkin
Everything that a woman forgives, she will still remember you. Igor Karpov
Where God “does not forgive”, the devil “protects”. Vladimir Borisov
Forgiveness means it's over. Françoise Sagan
Forgiveness is a holy work. Without realizing her mistakes, she does not give results. Luule Viilma
Forgave her everything, but she did not forgive him. Valery Afonchenko
If you turn the second cheek, then you will need the third. Arkady Davidovich
To understand everything - to forgive everything. Germaine de Stael
By forgiveness, I open myself to the good, believe in the good, and give my protective spirits the opportunity to help me. Luule Viilma
Don't get tired of forgiving others, because others may get tired of forgiving you. Unknown (Humor)
Life has taught me a lot to forgive, but even more - to seek forgiveness. Otto von Schönhausen Bismarck
The bot will forgive me, this is his specialty. Heinrich Heine
It is better to forgive all your life than to ask her for forgiveness. Harry Simanovich
Forgive your mothers and fathers for every last detail, even when they are gone. You are worthy of them. This is your karma, not only theirs. Luule Viilma
If you ask for forgiveness for the sins of your previous life and forgive yourself for not doing it so far, you can be freed from the sin of your previous life. The only problem is finding a clairvoyant who would look at the previous life. Luule Viilma
Yes ... It's too late to ask the dead man for forgiveness. A. V. Ivanov
Forgive your friends as your enemies. Gennady Malkin
God will forgive people - never. Veselin Georgiev
To learn to forgive, you need to have at least a minimal mind. Boris Krieger
As long as people love, they forgive.
A woman forgives only when she is guilty.
To be wrong is a human property, to forgive is a property of the gods.
Forgive, and do not judge, and you will not be judged.
If you're going to love someone, learn to forgive first.
What you cannot forgive yourself is quickly forgotten.
Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.
If anyone has offended you, take revenge with courage. Remain calm - and this will be the beginning of your vengeance, then forgive - this will be the end of it.
If a woman has already forgiven the man, she should not remind him of his sins at breakfast.
Free statements about forgiveness
Forgiveness from the Lord must be asked every day ... And for what - there will always be.
Nothing is more reluctant to forgive than differences of opinion.
Free sayings of the greats about forgiveness
A man forgives and forgets, a woman forgives and nothing more.
Not all forgiveness has sincerity, just as not all sincerity brings pleasure.
To forgive is not to forget.
The people can forgive writers a lot, but they cannot forgive silence at a time when their fate is being decided.
People will forgive you everything that does not concern them.
We easily forgive those with whom we are bored, but we never forgive those who are bored with us.
Least of all, we forgive others for the mistakes that we ourselves made.
People find it most difficult to forgive us the bad things they said about us.
Not forgiving anyone and forgiving everyone is equally cruel.
God will forgive me, this is His specialty.
Those whose opinion I value will not apologize for harsh words, they simply will never say them.
I do not forgive her that I loved her.
Forgiving enemies is a wonderful feat; but there is a feat even more beautiful, even more human - this is the understanding of enemies, because understanding is at once forgiveness, justification,.
Free funny sayings about forgiveness
A man can be forgiven for stupidity if he is well paid.
Forgiving your enemy, wave your hand to him.
Whoever he laughed at, he has already forgiven him, he is even ready to love him.
Several apologies are less convincing than one.
Goodbye to others a lot, nothing to yourself.
You can forgive treason, but you can’t be offended.
Parents are most reluctant to forgive their children for the flaws that they themselves have instilled in them.
Forgive your enemies - you may still have to work together.
The more you forgive, the higher you fly.
Goodbye to others often, to yourself - never.
We must forgive those whom you cannot take revenge on.
We often forgive those who bore us, but we can never forgive those who bore us.
We easily forgive the harm done to us in the past and powerless dislike.
Forgiving a misdemeanor encourages the worst.
A person can forgive a person everything except bad prose.
The evil done to you is as easy to forgive as it is to others. It is much more difficult to forgive people for the evil that we ourselves have caused them; this really requires a lot of fortitude.
True love forgives all crimes except the crime against love.
A woman can forgive a man for the evil that he caused her, but she does not forgive the sacrifices that he brought to her.
Whoever laughs forgives everything.
A woman forgives everything, but she often reminds that she has forgiven.
He would rather forgive you the meanness that he did to you than the good that you did to him.
To be wrong is human, to forgive is divine. Alexander Pop
The ability to forgive is a property of the strong. The weak never forgive.
A person becomes not when God forgives him all mistakes, delusions and sins, but when a person forgives God all the evil, grief and suffering that he, by His will, has undergone in this world.
Women do not forgive us for our mistakes - or even their own.
For all boys, guys and men, multiple apologies are less convincing than one.
Free cute sayings about forgiveness
Failure to forgive others is an unforgivable miscalculation of character.
Infidelity is forgiven, but not forgotten.
God can forgive us our sins, but the nervous system never.
He who takes revenge sometimes regrets the perfect; one who forgives never regrets it.
Men who do not forgive women for their small faults will never enjoy their great virtues.
There are people we forgive and there are people we don’t forgive. The ones we don't forgive are our friends.
To forgive executioners is to punish yourself.
I beg your pardon for being right ...
They asked one elder: "What is humility?" He said: "If yours sins against you, but you will forgive him before he repented."
Forgiveness is the strongest of all victories.
No matter how demanding people are in love, they still forgive more faults to those they love than to those with whom they are friends.
God will forgive people - never.
Beware of the person who did not respond to your blow: he will never forgive you and will not allow himself to be forgiven.
Free wise sayings about forgiveness
I would rather forgive the one who inflicted a wound on the enemy, and not the one who dreams of planting a boil on him: there is not only an evil soul, but also an insignificantly small soul.
She can never forgive those who are innocent.
All gratitude is in eternal return and in the inability to leave ... Sage! I am not asking for forgiveness ... He who is wise has forgiven without words.
Everything can be experienced except death, and people are ready to forgive you everything, except for an unblemished reputation.
I can forgive, but I cannot forget.
Enemies should be forgiven, but not before they hang out on the gallows.
Forgive those who say bad things about you, but not those who tell you about it.
Everyone forgives me, no one helps.
It is very easy to forgive others for their mistakes; it is much more difficult to forgive them for witnessing our mistakes.
To understand is to forgive; it is an excuse for any evil. But in order to judge it is necessary - to understand.
Life has taught me a lot to forgive, but even more - to seek forgiveness.
To understand everything is to forgive.
Mistakes are not forgiven to those in relation to whom they are allowed.
“The ability to forgive is a property of the strong. The weak never forgive. ”© Mahatma Gandhi
Some people will never accept the idea of forgiveness, any arguments are useless. You can try for a long time to convince them that the inability to forgive, revenge, hatred or resentment makes us live in the past.
Inability to forgive
All these will be empty words if a person does not know how to forgive at all. After all, forgiveness requires a person to display courage. Often, his whole life is filled with grievances, and to forgive means to feel emptiness. The person becomes scared.
If he gets rid of grievances, then what will he be left with? Such a person is used to using this emotion in order to manipulate others, causing them chronic feelings of guilt. Taking offense is a familiar way of interacting with the world. And his whole world is divided into bad offenders and good offended people like him.
Pseudo-forgiveness
Another category of people is “pseudo-forgiving”. It is easier for such people to say “I forgave” than to understand the reasons for their resentment. And all because they are afraid to realize their feelings, and even more so to decide to voice their feelings and demands, risking forever ruining or even destroying the relationship.
The fear of ruining a relationship arises when you have already tried to talk about your feelings, but are faced with the cold indifference of your partner and his unwillingness to change anything. But pretending that you are not offended by people when you are actually offended and angry does not mean forgiving. This is a form of self-denial, which is destructive for a person.
Some experts generally argue that resentment is not a real feeling. It is a behavior used to manipulate another person.
“Resentment is a feeling that appears in us so early that we can be firmly convinced that this is a primordial feeling. Ann is not. This is "racketeering". Remember the children. At what age do they start to take offense? Yes, exactly when they understand that it is ineffective to be angry with mom for not receiving candy.
It is much more justified to take offense at her, “I don’t love you” - hits without a miss and acts more destructively than a nuclear bomb. A rare parent can withstand such an onslaught. " Having made a conclusion, the child begins to hone and improve his skills. The ability to take offense becomes a skill, then a habit, and then a reflex "(P. Zygmantovich)
Resentment is a tool for managing human relationships. In childhood, the child is offended, they pay attention to him, the parent feels guilty, often not understanding why, and from this feeling he does what they want from him. The child “makes a decision” that this is exactly how it is necessary to influence this world in order to be heard. Then it acts automatically. To finally stop being offended, you need to learn to forgive.
Farewell to resentment is forgiveness
Psychoanalysts Nicole Fabre and Gabrielle Ruben identified the main stages that a person goes through on the path to the ability to forgive:
Forgiving is a decisive rejection of suffering. The first and important step towards forgiving can be a conscious decision to stop suffering, stop being offended, and forget about justice. Unfortunately, sometimes this requires parting with the one who hurts us.
Forgiving is admitting that you have been wronged. Thanks to the mechanisms of psychological defense, suffering, hatred and anger are repressed into the unconscious, where they continue to act with destructive force. We need to admit the guilt of the person who wronged us.
As Gabriel Ruben explains, this awareness gives us the opportunity to "bring the blame back to the abuser and thereby restore a relationship with ourselves." In addition, it will avoid the development of psychosomatic illnesses or behaviors that lead to repeated failures in work and in relationships.
Forgiving is about taking care of your health. Psychologists have found consistent physiological differences between the states of non-forgiveness and forgiveness. At one recollection of the offender, all the subjects were disturbed by the activity of the cardiovascular system. These changes became very significant when they thought about revenge.
To stop being offended, you need to get angry. Feeling angry at first is even helpful, it speaks of mental health and the fact that you do not deny what happened and do not bear the blame of others. Therefore, acknowledge and “release” your suffering.
Of course, such an opportunity to directly express your anger to the offender, to express reproaches rarely falls out. He may not consider himself guilty or have such strong power over us that we dare not resist him.
However, we can help ourselves using a variety of techniques for dealing with resentment.
Stop feeling guilty. Forgiving means being able to forgive yourself. Here it is important to find out what was hurt - your pride, reputation, honor or bodily boundaries? “The answer to this question can help to get rid of the feeling of guilt, that is, to realize that we are not responsible for what happened to us,” says psychoanalyst Nicole Fabre.
Forgiving is understanding who has wronged you. Natural reactions of anger and anger help us to stop being offended, but if we feel hatred for a long time, it will lead to self-destruction. To avoid this, it is useful to understand the motives of the one who offended you, to see his weaknesses, to comprehend the act that hurt us, which will help to forgive him.
How do we know if we have really forgiven and stopped being offended?
If we no longer feel anger or anger towards the one who made us suffer, and “if the feeling of our guilt about what happened has disappeared,” adds Ruben, then we can assume that we have forgiven.
Psychologists do not get tired of repeating that forgiveness is needed not by the offender, but by ourselves.
“To forgive is to free the 'prisoner' and discover that you were the 'prisoner'" © Lewis B. Smides
Forgiveness is a release in which pain dissolves and helps the survivor to become the master of his life, to stop enduring and suffering, or even become stronger.
