A mother once wrote me a letter asking me to share her experience of breastfeeding her baby during a new pregnancy and subsequent experience of tandem feeding. The letter contained a number of questions. While I was answering her questions, I recalled how exactly the same questions arose during my pregnancy with my second child. And, probably, many mothers who are breastfeeding during a new pregnancy and are thinking about the possibility of tandem feeding have such questions in their heads. In this material, I do not give universal, only correct solutions, this is not a scientific article. This is just my mothering experience. I share. Breastfeeding and pregnancy. With the onset of pregnancy, because of the increased sensitivity of the breast, it became painful to feed. Was it so with you? What did you do? The sensitivity of the nipples increased during pregnancy, but I saw that the baby needed a breast. Then I just began to negotiate with the child. I found the position in which I was most comfortable to feed. And she persuaded the child to suck milk just like that. At a year and a half, children can suck from any position - even with their booty up. It was important for me to achieve that the child understands that I am feeding him in this position, not because I am a tyrant, but because otherwise I really hurt. I showed that I was in pain, corrected the attachment persistently, but making it clear to the child that I love him. This is such a subtle psychological moment that must be felt. The key message was to show the child that we are partners in this matter, like in a dance. When dancing in pairs, it should be comfortable for both. Begging for something from a child is useless - he feels the weakness of an adult, which makes him uncomfortable. And since it’s uncomfortable, sucking begins stronger and more persistently to demand the usual postures for feeding as a kind of return to the usual stability. Ordering is also not the case, because in fact this is also a weakness. But to show clearly and with love - it worked. She showed me how I wanted and how I felt when he did wrong. During feeding, the baby pinches and twists the other breast with a pen, which is unpleasant. What solutions did you have? It was unbearable for me if the baby began to pull at the other breast during feeding. I was ready to tear the baby off the breast at once and never give it back at all.Therefore, I gently and confidently took the baby's second hand in mine, inserted my thumb into the baby's fist, kissed the fist, stroked the hand, played at forty, counted the fingers on the handle, sang with me (and a child) favorite songs, told fairy tales. Is it possible to somehow reduce the number of attachments? The monotony of our life helped to reduce the number of attachments. In the second half of pregnancy, I made sure that nothing knocked the child out of the usual colia - there was a measured and clear daily routine (not clear in time, but in the sequence of actions). And even trips to visit my grandmother (or other close people) were very predictable. As a result, the child even began to sleep all night without a breast during pregnancy. This gave me the opportunity to get enough sleep for several months before giving birth. Did you interrupt breastfeeding during pregnancy? They say that milk disappears during pregnancy. Did your uterus tone increase during feeding? The milk almost disappeared somewhere in the middle of pregnancy, and later turned into colostrum, but the baby still sucked at the breast. I did not interrupt the feeding. The only thing - for 2-3 days before giving birth, it was absolutely unbearably painful to feed because of the reaction of the uterus to feeding. During these 2-3 days I honestly said that I cannot. It was difficult to feed these days due to the reaction of the uterus to breastfeeding. It was like sucking contractions. The rest of the time, the uterus did not respond in any way to breastfeeding. Tandem feeding. Why did you come to tandem feeding? We had a very strong emotional bond with the older child. I felt that weaning him from the breast at that moment, and then also depriving him of the usual amount of attention on my part, was a tough decision, so I decided that tandem feeding was what we needed. This does not mean that this is always the case with children of this age. I know wonderful families with empathetic mothers who planned a tandem, but it did not happen, because a few months before giving birth, the baby stopped sucking. Not my case How was the tandem feeding process? A baby was born. There were two children. On the first day of our joint stay at home, I fed the elder only for the night falling asleep. Then I fed the children mostly at the same time. I bought a special pillow for feeding the twins and the weather. The main difficulty for me was that I felt that children are very different and they need a different me, or rather different states of me. And when I fed them at the same time, I could not emotionally accurately tune in to both children at once. Or one, or the other, or something in between and not particularly necessary. Then, after about a month, I began to feed them mainly separately. This is how "wait, please" appeared in our everyday life. This greatly facilitated my life. The main thing in this "wait, please" - be sure to fulfill the promise. And not in a year, but right now in 10-40 minutes. Because it is impossible not to justify the expectations of the child - he will stop believing his mother altogether, and this is a bad situation. How useful and comfortable was tandem feeding? Benefits: 1. The elder has almost no jealousy. Breastfeeding is not the only way to prevent it, but simple and natural in my opinion. 2. An amazing bond is born between children. Imagine, children simultaneously suck mother's milk - for me this is a sacrament. I don't know how the relationship between children will develop in the future, but this connection, I know for sure, will not go anywhere. And the relationship between children in the family is no less important to me than the relationship between children and parents. After all, one day the parents will leave and the closest blood relatives will remain brothers / sisters - people who grew up in the same family. 3. Feeding an older child always reminds the mother that he is a child. With the appearance of a baby in a family, an older child becomes big in the eyes of parents - just in comparison with a baby. 4. The ability to nourish the beneficial properties of breast milk for both children. About comfort. I will not dissemble, it was not easy. But for me, not easy and bad are not the same thing. I did all this and felt like weaving the canvas of life with my hands. In my opinion, this canvas in my life and the life of my family should have been exactly the way I made it. Difficulty in establishing everyday life. Make yourself eat, enjoy the cleanliness of your home. I would do better with it now. :) We need helpers. We need an assistant for cleaning and preparing food for myself and my husband. A good multicooker to help with cooking. You yourself need to eat well, because tandem feeding, of course, is a load on the mother's body. The load is natural, but the load, so, of course, good and varied food is essential. My mother helped me with cooking, my husband helped with the children, I did not involve anyone in cleaning, but in vain. The child falls asleep only with the breast. How to put him to bed with a baby? So we fell asleep. Now I put them together, then in turn. For a night's sleep, if the younger one was not yet asleep, the elder had to be laid, the husband took the younger in his arms and walked with him while I laid the older one. It was more difficult with a daytime sleep, but I found ways to distract the younger one (for example, I put music for him, from which he fell into a light sleep) while I put the elder to bed. How long did tandem feeding last? In this mode, I fed for a little over a year. The further, the older ate less and less, and then stopped altogether (about three years). For about a year after that, I fed only the youngest (up to his two years old). That's how we went through the period of breastfeeding. In conclusion, I want to repeat that this is just my experience. For me, this method was optimal. Perhaps it will be useful to someone else in some way. All women weave a different fabric of life in accordance with their personal sense of life. And the main thing, in my opinion, is to do it in the best way in accordance with your own sense of the best. This is a very subjective feeling. But when the infancy of my children ended, it turned out to be very important for me to honestly tell myself that I wove this period for my children in the best way. Happy motherhood!

Pros and cons of tandem feeding? How to do it correctly?

What is tandem feeding

It happens in a family when one baby is still a baby, and the second has already been born and he also needs mother's milk. Then a feeding technique is used, which is called tandem. It has its own characteristics, pros and cons. If you organize this type of breastfeeding correctly, then both babies will fully receive everything they need.

When tandem is needed

In case of repeated pregnancy with the first child, who is not yet a year old, it will be necessary to feed both children. If the first baby is already over 2 years old, then you can gradually wean him off the breast until the second is born. However, it is not always possible to do everything on time.
When planning each pregnancy, it is recommended to take a break of at least 2-2.5 years between the first and subsequent conceptions. Repeated bearing and feeding of a child requires a lot of efforts and resources from a woman.

All pros and cons

The pros of tandem feeding are as follows:

• The older child sucks the breast well and milk stagnation does not occur.
• The amount of milk increases significantly.
• There is no excess milk, no need to express.
• There is no need to worry that a terrible child lacks some useful substances, they are all present in breast milk.
• With joint feeding, babies are more friendly, they find a common language easier. The elder is less jealous, calms down faster.

In addition to the advantages of tandem breastfeeding, there are also negative aspects:

• Quite a big load on the maternal organism. Although many mothers disagree with this statement, over time, when the youngest baby grows up, it will begin to be felt.
• The older child at first very much interferes with the younger, can be jealous, take the breast, cry, hysteria.
• It is psychologically difficult to accept an older baby, irritation and nervous tension often occur.

Immediately upon arrival from the hospital, it will not be easy to establish tandem feeding, but gradually, with the right approach, everything will work out.

How to feed a baby during pregnancy

When carrying your next baby, feeding will be complicated by irritation and soreness of the nipples. This happens due to natural hormonal changes. The problem will resolve itself when the third trimester of the maturation of the baby inside the womb comes. To alleviate the condition, the following recommendations must be applied in practice:

• It is necessary to correctly apply the baby to the breast, make sure that it completely captures the nipple and part of the areola.
• Reduce feeding time to 10 minutes.

By the 2nd trimester, the amount of milk may decrease. This should not be scary - these are changes in the mother's body that are aimed at maintaining pregnancy and preparing for the upcoming birth. If the first baby is over 1.5 years old, then you can already switch to cow or goat milk and drink directly from the cup.

Tandem feeding technique

First of all, you need to find a suitable pose. The so-called "under the arm" is recommended, although mom can experiment until she finds the best one for overall comfort.
There are established rules for tandem feeding, it is advisable to adhere to them:

• At first, it is impossible, with joint feeding, to defiantly pay more attention to the younger child, otherwise there will be problems with the older one.
• First, you need to apply the younger baby to the breast, and ask the older one to wait a little.
• With tandem feeding, give one breast to the younger, the other to the elder and change for the next meal. It is imperative to change, because the younger child will get used to taking only one breast and will not want the second, and the older one sucks milk better, so there will be uneven lactation and one breast may look different from the other.
• For daytime and nighttime sleep, it is better to lay children at the same time in order to develop a certain regimen.
• At first, night feeds will be uncomfortable. You need to place the younger child in a crib that is in close proximity to the parent, and the older baby will have to be taken with you to bed. This will be the case until the older child stops feeding on mother's milk at night.

Thinking about the tandem way of feeding, it is important to tune in to the fact that there will be certain difficulties, but they are temporary. The older child will not easily perceive the younger. For a period of time, the elder will often ask for breasts, throw tantrums. At such moments, you need to devote more time to him, play with him, be extremely gentle, but not give breast on demand, only according to the feeding schedule.

Breastfeeding two children at the same time is necessary not only for those whom. It happens that a young mother has just recovered from childbirth and GW, when she realized that she has a new life under her heart.

Such news may not make a woman happy, but, on the contrary, throw her into confusion, because she realizes that she is not yet ready either psychologically or physically for a new pregnancy. Although sometimes such things happen and are planned, for example, because a woman plans the birth of "weather" in order to quickly "shoot", or does not protect herself for religious reasons.

Painting by the French artist Adolphe-William Bouguereau, 1878.

Once I even heard such a reason for the small difference in the age of children: "The first-born suffers from allergies. They say that if you give birth to the second quickly, you can avoid diathesis."

It happens that a woman, realizing that soon she will have to leave the maternity leave to work, hurries to have a second child, because the previous place of work is now not satisfied. Indeed, during parental leave often ...

"Born prematurely"

Children of the same age are increasingly appearing as a result of the early restoration of the menstrual cycle in a woman after childbirth. Although at the beginning of the last century, if a woman was breastfeeding, (the absence of ovulation against the background of lactation) worked for up to 2 years!

By the way, in this way, nature gives the necessary rest to the reproductive organs of a woman, which is a good prevention of oncological diseases. Now, most mothers give birth with the help of drugs, they feed the baby with a mixture right in the hospital, skip night feedings, and add some water. All this leads to the fact that ovulation can occur already in the first months after childbirth, even before the beginning of the first menstruation.

Only if a nursing mother follows the rule of exclusive breastfeeding for up to 6 months, she can not be protected during this period.

How acceptable is a small difference between children for the female body? Let's turn to our physiology. It is known that the human reproductive cycle is approximately 3.5-4 years. It is by this age that the iron reserve in the liver of the mother is restored, and the child (if breastfeeding and care were organized correctly). Therefore, specifically planning for an earlier pregnancy means putting your body and your older child under serious stress.

What should mom do? Tandem feed!

What should a mother do when she finds out about a new pregnancy? We will not consider the issue of preserving pregnancy - a woman and a man should jointly decide. But the question of stopping breastfeeding of an older child always arises very sharply in front of a woman.

Usually doctors and relatives are adamant about this. They fear that breastfeeding could cause a miscarriage or lack of nutrients in the womb, and they almost always recommend ending it.

In fact, just a sharp cessation of lactation in the first weeks of pregnancy can lead to such a sad resultdue to a sharp hormonal imbalance in the body. In an American study, it has been proven that a pregnant uterus up to 26-28 weeks is, in principle, not sensitive to oxytocin secreted by the pituitary gland during feeding, therefore, this cannot provoke a miscarriage.

The famous Beauty was breastfeeding ...

It is much more logical to wait for a 12-week period when the fetus is firmly entrenched in the uterus, and only then think about possible weaning. And then if the oldest child is at least 1.5 years old. If he is less, then it is better to postpone the weaning from the breast. After all, the baby does not know about anything and is not at all to blame for the fact that the mother's life circumstances suddenly changed. he still needs it very much as food and protection, mainly for the further development of the nervous and immune systems.

By the way, it happens that the baby himself refuses to breast in the middle of pregnancy, as milk becomes less, and it changes its taste.

If the older child continues to breastfeed, then after the birth of the second child, the mother will be able to continue breastfeeding both children in the so-called "tandem".

Many mothers are concerned about the issue of sufficient nutrition for the fetus in the conditions of the older child's hepatitis B. There is no doubt that the food will be sufficient. the body distributes nutrients always first in favor of the unborn child, then - for the elder, and after that - to maintain the strength of the mother.

Pros and cons of tandem

Tandem feeding is, by its very nature, not a very logical thing. What bonuses can a mother get in this case? Actually, why bother?

• Firstly, children who breastfeed for more than 1 year are much less likely to get sick, so a tandem-feeding mother is more insured against the situation “a baby is in her arms, the elder is sick”.
• Secondly, a tandem breastfeeding mother is practically unfamiliar with lactostasis in the first weeks after childbirth, because the older child absorbs everything perfectly in a matter of minutes. The main thing that a mother should take care of in the first days is to save colostrum for the youngest.
• Thirdly, it is when feeding in tandem that it is usually easier for a mother to find a common language with an older child. And in general, make it easier for yourself to solve some problems. For example, do a session of simultaneous bedtime.

Source:

However, not everything can go smoothly. The woman becomes very sensitive nipples, so attachments can be very painful. In this regard, with each feeding, pay special attention to how you put your breast into your mouth, try to keep the breast in the mouth of the crumbs as deep as possible.

As already stated, by the second trimester, lactation may decrease... This is due to the fact that the level of estrogen and progesterone increases, it is they that suppress milk production, and, unfortunately, no measures to increase milk production work in this case. Scientists have found that just by this time there is a change from milk to colostrum - the mother's body prepares new milk for the youngest child.

Tandem feeding rules

What is the best way to organize a tandem to take into account the interests of both parties?

Psychologists advise already prepare the child in advance for the appearance of a brother or sister: tell him in an accessible language about his feelings, attract him to purchases, talk to him about the future child as an interesting companion in games. Just be sure to clarify that it will not be like this right away, so that the baby does not have disappointment at the sight of a small bag. Tell the elder that when the baby is born, he will also eat his mother. Explain that he will be quite big by that time and sometimes he will have to wait for the youngest baby to kiss his breast.

Besides all this, you have to start prepare the baby for the fact that you have to go to the hospital for several days... Therefore, the baby should be taught to fall asleep not under the breast, but with dad or grandmother (nanny, aunt). Arrange training exits from home, 3 times a week, when you will not be 4-5 hours or more, so that the baby learns to stay without you, learns to fall asleep without mom.

In the first days after returning from the hospital, it is good if you can give him increased attention, not refuse to help the child in caring for a newborn, but also not insist if he needs time to get used to a new family member.

As for the organization of feeding, then first, the breast should be offered to the younger child, and then to the older... Choose a feeding position that is comfortable for you and the younger child, and the older one will adapt himself. Do not breastfeed only a certain baby with one breast, as babies of different ages suck at different rates and uneven breast filling is possible.

Psychologically, tandem feeding is often accompanied by the appearance of severe irritation to the older child. (However, such irritation often occurs in those who have already weaned the elder from the breast.) Especially during the sucking process itself. Here it is necessary to develop a philosophical attitude, if possible without focusing on this one's own attention.

Those mothers who have strong moral support from their husbands and other relatives are very lucky. In a tandem situation, this is a particularly important point.

In conclusion, I would like to say that tandem feeding is a difficult but rewarding business. The most difficult are only the first 3 months, and then it becomes easier and more convenient. I am always glad when mothers make a difficult decision to continue feeding two, especially when the older child is not even a year old.

Article prepared for the journal

Synchronous breastfeeding for weather children (tandem feeding) is wonderful and healthy. But it is also difficult - simply because the interests of three individuals at once (mother and two children) are involved in tandem feeding. In my case, the question of whether to feed in tandem or not was not even raised. Feed everyone! Because the older Veronica at the time of the birth of the younger Mary was 10 months old - and milk was vital to her. Now my daughters are 2 years 9 months and 1 year 11 months old, we are breastfed, and in tandem GV I see only advantages and undoubted benefits.

So, tandem. As a rule, it develops with children of the same age, when the eldest at the time of the birth of the younger was from one to two years old. There are cases of even smaller age differences, but these are rather exceptions to the rule.

It is impossible to predict whether you will develop a tandem. Most likely, the mother will have to spend several days in the hospital, and it is quite possible that the older child will refuse or wean from breastfeeding during this time.

But the most common are two options for the development of events:

1. The eldest child is younger than one year old, and mother's milk is vital for him, therefore the mother initiates the attachment of the elder.

2. The first child is one year old or older, and he initiates latching on to the breast.

I didn’t think about the tandem and didn’t look far into the future. The number one goal is to get to the birth. But in fact, parting with Nika for a long time turned out to be a serious test. Therefore, the ceremonial discharge from the maternity hospital with Masha came out crumpled: instead of decorously walking after the nurse with a bag and receiving congratulations from those who met, posing for the camera, I ran into the hall, grabbed Nika, plopped on the floor and began to breastfeed her. The photographer did not understand that, in fact, this crazy aunt on the floor was a young mother, for whom he was invited. But he reacted to the nurse with the baby - he began to shoot. As a result, with the Discharge Machine, we have a lot of photos of my husband with a newborn and a smiling nurse. Out of surprise, her husband gave her flowers, and at the photographer's provocative remarks ("Kiss, I'm taking pictures!") He blinked in confusion. This is how the story of our tandem began.

But the very first attachment is not yet a tandem. In most cases, it is simply important for an older child to know that his mother does not deprive him of anything. That with the advent of a younger life, life becomes better, and certainly not the other way around. Therefore - personal advice: to emphasize in every possible way that the first child is small and beloved. No "well, you're older" or "be patient, the little one is crying." All these are the difficulties of the mother, and it is her to cope with them, without shifting them onto the fragile shoulders of an older baby. By the way, it is useful to conduct an introductory conversation with everyone who will help mom at first: with grandmothers, dad and other relatives. At the moment, all children are younger. Like twins. With equal needs and equal conditions to meet them. Communism in a single family.

Be prepared for the elder to temporarily roll back in his development and skills. You may feel the urge to get your pants dirty (when you have mastered the pot), unwillingness to talk (with good coherent sentences) and, of course, attachment to the chest.

Veronica tried everything that at least somehow concerned the younger Masha. I tried to put on her rompers (not on her legs, so on her head), use diapers and so on. I didn’t comment on what was happening, and soon everything returned to normal.

But what if the mother sees that the child's intentions are serious and one attachment is not enough? Continue tandem feeding.

There are many advantages to tandem breastfeeding. Children get sick less. In the case of any infection, as a rule, the weather is sick "in chorus", and HB helps to alleviate the symptoms. There will be no jealousy in the family, rivalry between children, the older child will not have any "psychological faddles" about the appearance of a younger brother or sister (and loss of mother's attention). Breast milk is a serious cocktail of nutrients, so everything is simple: a child should receive breast milk until at least two years of age.

Soon after the birth of Masha, the Rotavrius came to our family. Moms don't need to be told how unpleasant and dangerous this is. However, Nika survived the disease easily, without even losing weight seriously, thanks to "hanging" on her chest. And Masha, a newborn baby, did not get sick at all! And this is - being at the epicenter of the infection. My husband and I had the worst, but not the children on the GV.

So, let's organize a tandem.

1. In the first days, you can allow the older child to apply at a convenient frequency for him. And then gradually streamline the chaotic attachments of the elder. The key words are "gradually" and "gently".

For me, the most difficult was the defiant behavior of the eldest daughter at the breast. It was as if Nika was deliberately trying to pinch her, to bite her - that is, to do the unlawful. It is necessary to bring the child to his senses gently, strictly, persistently. It is difficult, but the result is worth it.

2. In the first days after childbirth, the mother may not be able to sit. Therefore, we choose the following positions for feeding (Attention! Positions for feeding are personal experience!):

- If the older child does not walk, and the mother cannot sit (like me), you can ask the husband to remove the seat from any chair and gently sit on it (to avoid pressure on the seams). At the same time, a feeding pillow is placed on the mother's lap, and the children are already on it. One baby is applied to the left breast, the second - to the right in the "under the arm" position. Take care that children do not roll off the pillow. You can involve dad as a safety net. It looks funny, but it works. Our dad called this feeding position "Kite on the Rock."

- We feed, lying on our back. We put the newborn on our stomach and chest. If the pressure of milk is too high, it is in this position that the baby will not choke. The second child (older) takes the breast, lying on its side next to the mother.

- Classic position: a nursing pillow - on the lap of the mother, the newborn is attached to the breast "from under the arm", the older child receives milk while standing or sitting next to the mother.

- We feed separately. It is possible and necessary to feed the children one by one, putting the younger one first.

3. Be sure to monitor how the youngest child gains weight. The lower bar for weight gain for a baby: from 500 g in the first half of life, 300–500 g in the second half of the year. After 9 months, let's say we gain 100–300 g per month. You can also count in this way: by six months, the weight of the child doubles, by the year it triples. If something is alarming, we conduct a diaper test. Normally, the baby should leave 12 diapers raw per day.

I am a mother categorically not "dairy". That is, even with our first daughter Nika, we did not break records in weight. Therefore, the medical scales firmly settled in our home, and for the first months we lived in total control. The gains were borderline, but Masha still put on weight, although under the chanting of doctors about the need to introduce cabbage and other usefulness into her diet almost at three months. The fact that the eldest daughter is also breastfed, I politely kept silent. I do not like to bring confusion into the minds, especially medical ones.

4. We change breasts, we do not give the same child the same breast all the time.

5. Night feedings and night sleep are best transferred to the floor. It is worth taking care of a soft, low mattress in advance, from which children will not fall.

We covered the entire small area of \u200b\u200bour apartment with blankets. And they slept together, comfortably, and most importantly - safely. Tandem feeding is important. And it can only be difficult for the first three months. The older the younger child and the more conscious the older, the easier it is to feed. The advantages of the tandem GW are becoming clearer.

My daughters are growing up. These are quite adequate children who are nevertheless breastfed. And that's great. Don't be afraid of the tandem. Breastfeeding is well worth the effort.

Your child is not yet two years old, and a new life is already beating under your heart? You wanted so much to feed your child to self-excommunication, but now you are confused and do not know what to do? It's a pity to excommunicate ... Then keep feeding! Today, more and more mothers are fed "tandem", i.e. two at once - the elder and the younger.

Of course, in this regard, fears may arise: is it not dangerous for the youngest child? The practice of nursing mothers shows that it is not dangerous. The main thing here is a positive attitude that everything will be fine. Perhaps the only perceptible nuisance may be associated with increased sensitivity of the nipples, which is why the pleasant process of feeding the child suddenly begins to cause discomfort. But here, too, there is a way out: there are drugs to reduce this sensitivity, which, fortunately, does not happen to everyone.

During pregnancy, it would be a good idea to prepare an older child for the birth of a baby. The nightingale is not fed with fables, therefore

”... it is important not only to talk about the unborn child, but also to make sure that some changes in the life of the elder take place even before childbirth and that nothing radically changes with the appearance of the little one. There should be no actions left in relation to the child that only the mother would perform.

If only the mother was initially engaged in bathing or pulling the baby out of the bath, then it is necessary to involve other relatives in this process. If only mom dressed or went for a walk, now someone has to replace mom sometimes.

It would be good to start teaching the child to stay at night without a mother 2-3 months before the baby is born (starting from one night and up to several days) - this is preparation for the period of your stay in the hospital. If you are preparing for home birth, the elder will need to be given to relatives before the milk arrives; the period of colostrum feeding is very important for the newborn, and the older one will be able to deprive the little one of this valuable nutrition in a few sips.

But then the baby was born.

” If the older child is waiting for your appearance at home, then it is better if the baby is brought into the apartment by someone else, not you. The first thing you do is hug and kiss your child who missed you.

And only then show him the newborn.

Tandem feeding (and just having two children with a small age difference), of course, is a double burden for a mother. Moreover, the load is not only physical, but also emotional. An older child still needs mother's attention and care! He also wants to be taken in his arms, to give him time.

” Mom is subconsciously tuned in to the fact that the biological age difference should be 4-5 years, and internally expects that the older child is already big. And he's still small too!

It is very difficult to resist and not start making increased demands on the child. The result of such an attitude can be uncontrolled behavior of the child and hysteria, sometimes completely from scratch. I remember with horror how I went through it myself, it was terribly difficult. At that time I was saved by the book Gippenreiter “Communicate with a Child. How?" (which describes in detail how to show love and affection for your child), as well as strong moral support for her husband.

Noticeably matured with the appearance of a little child, nevertheless, it can “please” mom with unexpected surprises, such as pock-peeing on the floor (after all, he was already sitting on the potty!), Nightly “gifts” in bed, etc. Well, such "costs" of a small difference always take place, and only love, attention and affection, but in no way unnecessary severity, contributes to the rapid overcoming of "regression".

” It is very effective advice to treat children with a small difference as twins: if you do not demand something from the younger, then you should not demand it from the older. Did - well, did not - well, okay, it's okay.

Tandem feeding is often accompanied by the appearance of severe irritation to the older child. (However, such irritation often occurs in those who have already weaned the elder from the breast.) Especially - during the very process of sucking. Here you need to learn to treat this in a philosophical way, if possible without focusing your attention on it. Those mothers who have strong moral support from their husbands and other relatives are very lucky; in a tandem situation, this is a particularly important moment.

” When setting up to feed children with a small difference, it is necessary to take into account the fact that self-weaning of an older child can be delayed, as well as moving to a separate bed.

However, despite these disadvantages, for me personally, tandem feeding has definitely more advantages than early weaning.

So, the baby does not worry about the fact that he was deprived of his breast, and the mother will no longer have a special reason to feel guilty about the child because of this. Although milk changes during pregnancy, and becomes no longer what it would have been in the absence of this pregnancy, there is still an opportunity to give the child with it those useful substances that he cannot yet get from ordinary food.

If the relationship with the child is violated, then they immediately become visible by the number of attachments per day: if "hung" and does not want to let go, then there is definitely something wrong with my mother's behavior. And this behavior needs to be changed urgently. Difficult process. But much needed. When there is one child, it is certainly easier for mom: there are not many reasons for irritation. But when two people start screaming at the same time! Here at times titanic efforts have to be made in order not to beat someone. Another reason to think about: am I really so calm and restrained, which I have always considered myself? And here, perhaps, there are two options for the development of events: either the mother pulls herself together and mobilizes all the forces of the body for self-education, or she breaks down (as a rule, at the senior). The latter is not only bad for the child, it can turn the life of the mother herself into hell, because the child's behavior can become uncontrollable. A frustrated child, wanting to gain affection and attention, will throw tantrums and exhibit annoying behavior. That will further infuriate the mother. Only adults can break this vicious circle, because the child is not yet able to control himself.

Finally, tandem feeding is, as already mentioned, double physical activity not the mother's body. Carrying a pregnancy and breastfeeding, and then feeding two, is a loss of a colossal amount of nutrients. Here you can't get by with one cucumber for breakfast, you have to seriously think about a rational and healthy diet. And also start taking your own health seriously, because the health of both children depends on it. When my hair began to deteriorate and my nails began to break four months after giving birth, and my rich imagination drew me a picture of the future, where I had teeth in one ... I rushed to donate my hair at a gallop to identify the missing trace elements, and then ran to the nutritionist. This lovely woman, as it turned out, herself fed the child until she was 3 years old, and, in her words, “completely renewed herself” during this time.

” It is a myth that during breastfeeding, a woman falls apart in parts. It is enough just to make an effort to organize a healthy diet, and the body will flourish.

I was lucky to be convinced of this too: as soon as I began to follow the doctor's prescriptions, I immediately felt an improvement: my hair began to grow back, the split ends disappeared, my nails stopped breaking, even my mood became more joyful!

So which one to choose - weaning or tandem feeding? I think each mother should decide here individually, taking into account her strength and health. If both are in order, then, despite the obvious difficulties, in my opinion, tandem is preferable.