Hello! Can you please tell me how to deal with your husband's rudeness? My husband is a very impulsive person, and there are situations when he allows himself to speak out too harshly towards me, to be very rude ... I, on the contrary, are the kind of person who will never allow myself to talk like that and, therefore, when this happens, I feel hurt depths of my soul - I just lose my speech ... Why such a dear person to me can behave this way with me? Does he really not respect me to such an extent as a person, as his wife? I know that he loves me, after a while he asks for forgiveness, but it becomes more and more difficult for me ... I am afraid that this may alienate us ... Is it possible to "fight" this unnoticed for him? Is it possible to make sure that this does not happen at all? (I see that my requests do not help). And how should one behave correctly in such moments? (We are a religious family, married for 1.5 years). Thank you, best regards, N.

Men are always unpredictable. The situations are different. Sometimes girls do not understand their partners in life. What if the guy is rude? This is the eternal question of young inexperienced girls. This article is the answer to all the questions of the female half of society.

Some women say that if a man is rude, then he should respond in kind. This is a banal answer. You always need to think deeper, because different things happen in life. All life situations are different, and you should not decide everything according to one rule. First of all, a woman should think about why a guy is rude. You can calmly chat with him or meet with his friends, acquaintances or colleagues. At the meeting, you do not need to directly ask them about your boyfriend, otherwise they may suspect something bad. Many may simply remain silent and not answer a woman's questions. Some people in his social circle will tell you all about him. Not a guarantee that you can find out everything, but at least some of the information. Having found out the reason, a woman should think about how to solve this or that situation in her favor. A smart lady would do that.

Quite different situations often occur. When a man is rude, the woman breaks up with him. She does not answer his restless phone calls, does not come to appointments. She thinks that she will have many such men. Proud women do just that.

These are two opposite situations. In the first example, a woman is trying to maintain her relationship with her beloved, and in the second case, it is clear that she easily breaks them off. Everyone knows that relationships that develop over the years are much better than those that last only a couple of weeks. It's safe to say that the first case is more ideal than the second example.

Each woman chooses for herself which scheme to act. Many women believe that they will better keep in their lives the person they have known for more than one year and will try to improve relations with him. It is difficult to let new people into your world, especially unfamiliar men. Pride is not the best friend when it comes to man-related problems. Pride will lead to disappointment, because sometimes men themselves are proud. Two proud people are unlikely to change the situation in a positive way.

It is important to know that rudeness is, at its core, a natural quality of men. When a woman is rude, it is very ugly. Sometimes rudeness paints a man, if it does not go beyond reason, that is, a man becomes brutal. It is necessary to see the difference between rudeness and masculine strong character. These are two different things. Men are not painted with such a quality as softness.

What to do with male rudeness if a woman cannot bear it? First, it is necessary to make the man understand that she is offended, that she is a defenseless person. Tears are very helpful. Many men cannot look calmly at women's tears. They begin to regret and regret. Secondly, during conversations, you can constantly repeat to him about shame. He must understand that his behavior is shameful. When people are constantly talking about something from loved ones, it acts like a medicine. They begin to think with the thoughts of loved ones, but the words about the fact that she is ashamed of him should sound many times. Many psychologists recommend this advice. When it is necessary to change the thinking of a man, it is necessary to express a negative attitude towards this or that thing, and in the end the man agrees with the woman.

Men are always like children. The main thing is to learn how to manage them. When he regrets that he behaved badly, that there was no need to be rude, then it is necessary to explain his behavior to him. It is worth saying that he is strong, and she is weak. It is important to note that she was offended, that is, thereby trying to evoke pity in him. When a woman seems to be a strong personality, then her man does not pity her, and he believes that she can handle it herself. It turns out that women themselves, at times, are to blame for the fact that their other half is rude to them. You don't have to become men. Everyone should be himself. Nature has created men strong, and they are obliged to fulfill their functions, and women - weak and they cannot take the place of a man in a relationship.

From all that has been said, the most basic can be distinguished. Men are protectors of women, not offenders. Women are weak and gentle creatures. Everyone should stay that way. If a woman wants to be, like a man, strong, then her partner will see in her the same personality as himself, as a result of which rudeness may appear on his part, and not tenderness and pity towards her.

You can never sort things out with a man with a scandal. You shouldn't shout at him loudly because of his rudeness. This will only lead to more quarrel and hurtful words. The conversation with him should be calm.

According to psychologists, a man is rude to a woman in order to get her attention. This is such a complex. It seems to him that she is not paying attention to him. When he is rude, she begins to react to this, as a result of this, the man feels like a self-sufficient and strong person.

The reason for male rudeness is always different. A woman needs to take a close look at the situation and understand the reason. If the rudeness is caused by one of the reasons described above, then you can fix everything. Tenderness and affection, the mind and patience of a woman will fix everything. If this situation repeats itself day after day, and the man is not going to change his behavior, then this should not be tolerated! Women are not worthy of such an attitude towards themselves!

I even like it at first. Some rudeness, softened by falling in love, gives him additional brutality and sexuality. But now the candy-bouquet period is over, you have turned into a family, and it turned out that now the husband began to be rude much more often and is no longer at all shy in expressions, even with friends. Your admiration was replaced by indifference, then irritation. You need to do something - otherwise it will only get worse.

Now he is already yelling at you, starts cursing for no reason and joyfully notices your slightest mistakes. In fact, he also harms himself - after all, negative emotions have not yet benefited anyone. But it turns your life together into the first circle of hell, and what is happening can destroy your personality.

If he breaks the sets and gut pillows ...

The husband is rude, how to behave in this situation? You can't stand it. If he asserts himself at your expense, whether he is at least three times loved - you need to answer. For example, a mental exercise will help. You have to imagine that you are covered with a steel dome, and all of its arrivals fly off from this dome like tennis balls from a table.

Why is your husband rude to you? Usually the reason is in the past, most likely in childhood - he was often humiliated and offended, and therefore now he does not know any other method to restore respect for himself. He can rise by himself only by lowering others.

At the same time, he often refers to psychology: they say, it is harmful to accumulate negative emotions inside, they need to be thrown out. Here he smashes furniture or breaks plates.

Here, pseudopsychology can be answered with a real one. Tell him that there is no point in taking out anger on foreign objects - the cause of negative emotions remains unpunished, and this only increases stress. For example, everyone knows that many Japanese have chef's dolls and beat this doll for nothing.

Only the effect of this is very dubious. Studies have shown that hot Japanese guys usually get even more worked up when they beat their boss, and many have high blood pressure and other bad symptoms. So much for Japanese action psychotherapy!

If the husband is rude because he so needs to calm down through muscle activity, then jogging will be much more effective - some five kilometers, or better ten, or even just a long walk. Prayer helps true believers - but there are an absolute minority of such people in our society. But in general, of course, it is a little too late to teach him how to deal with anger - people develop these skills in early childhood.

But if it is too late to re-educate, and a man more and more often offends and insults in word, and sometimes in deed (for example, throwing something heavy) - then what to do? How to wean a husband from being rude to his wife? A set of simple tips comes in handy here.

• Don't try to reeducate him. Let him be as he was born and as he was raised.
• Say "thank you" more often for his advice and opinions - valuable and not even very good. Promise to think it over and take note. Thus, on the one hand, you avoid resentment and scandals, transferring the conversation into a constructive channel, but on the other hand, you do not bend, communicating on equal terms.
• Know that rude people are very sensitive to distance and readiness to fight back at any second. Consider that boors respect inner strength and readiness to resist. At the same time, you do not need to switch to his boorish language - on the contrary, your strength lies in politeness. But no one is allowed to insult you either. The legal wording will come in handy: "Each of your words can subsequently be used against you." Of course, with the voice recorder turned on, which are now available on any smartphone.
• You shouldn't arrange boycotts and games of silence - keep talking. For all his rudeness, he wants to be necessary for you - give him this opportunity.
• Do not forget to pause in your speeches - so he will understand more, and the weight in requests and wishes will increase. And after your long emotional monologue, it is better to leave the room under any pretext - a good way to avoid a pointless scandal.
• Watch your "altitude" while talking. When you are sitting and he is standing, an equal conversation is unlikely to work. It is better to rise slowly, leveling the altitude and position in the dispute.
• You do not need to scold him and yell when he does it - but adding a little sound is acceptable. It's enough.
• Strive for clarity. Find out what exactly he is dissatisfied and angry, what he really wants.

Teach to give a "click on the nose"

If your husband becomes rude, how do you deal with it? It is very important not to play his game, sinking to retaliatory insults. This is pointless - he will still surpass you in the competition of throwing slops on your head, and besides, he will also make you guilty. The "mirror" does not work here, especially if you are a soft person by nature. The school version b "and I'll call my older brother" is more likely to come in handy. Anyone can act as a brother - your father (yours or his), your boss, or your HR manager.

Of course, you do not need to call him into scandals and exchange of insults yourself. However, what to do if the husband began to be rude with unenviable regularity? There is only one way out - "click on the nose." Alas, sometimes tough measures are indispensable. If you want peace, prepare for war.

How to put in place of a rude husband? The basic principle is simple, as with a child: for one offense, exactly one punishment follows - and in a timely manner. There is no need to accumulate resentment in order to then respond with a terrible punishment. And you can't be late: if after the "crime" all reasonable statutes of limitations expire, it's better to just forget about them.

And even after a serious offense, don't use love as a punishment. Screaming "I hate you!" - the last thing. Take offense, or, conversely, be indifferent, but do not cross the dangerous line. Do the best, as at work: deprive "bonuses" and "bonuses".

And the "response" should not be cruel or humiliating - in this case you will not see understanding of your mistakes, only bitterness. Your most important weapon is icy calm and inner confidence. This is the best way to make it clear that no one is allowed to yell at you.

• abruptly interrupt the conversation by going to another room, not forgetting to close the door - let him calm down;
• do not respond to boorish antics. He will get tired of screaming into the void, and he will find someone more emotional and pliable;
• predict explosions in advance and engage in prevention, leading the conversation to calm topics, not fraught with scandals;
• call on authorities for help (from his point of view). For example, if he is a "mama's boy," you could say, "Do you think your mom would love to hear you hysteria your tantrum?"
• invite him to ask someone to help you. It can be a faithful friend or father, a priest or a psychologist, or anyone else;
• use humor and irony as a defense and at the same time an attack.

But one more piece of advice is not worth following - even though it occurs regularly in women's magazines. Namely, to transfer your thoughts from bad to something more pleasant, not to think about a critical situation. It doesn't work that way! If you, in the midst of a quarrel, offer him, for example, to watch your wedding video, he will most likely twist his finger at his temple - and he will be right. But even if he really switches, it will only be a temporary improvement in his mood - and after half an hour he will start yelling again.

But the most important thing that cannot be done is simply to suffer in silence, to endure everything for the sake of a loved one, accepting the role of a victim - the policy of appeasement did not work with Hitler, nor will it work with your husband.

And even more so, one cannot be the first after a scandal to kneel down and admit that one is not right. So you will only increase his sense of impunity and help him turn into a real monster.

Why is a husband constantly rude to his wife - this question is asked by many. But the answer is simple - the reason is within him, it is he who does not know how to control his anger. And anger can be caused by problems at work, a fight with your parents, or anything else. You just get your share because you are there. So no need to blame yourself for his rage and engage in self-criticism. Just learn to deal with it calmly and you will succeed.

Women marry angels, and after a while they can get a demon. Something happens, and after a while many spouses complain that the husband has become aggressive and irritable. How does this transformation take place, where and, most importantly, why does an aggressive spouse appear in the family, and is it possible to do something about this in order not to be an eternal victim?

An eternally disgruntled and angry partner has become common in our country. This condition often causes physical or mental harm. There are people who are able to withstand such outbursts of emotions, and there are those for whom it will be critical. But if there is a reason that makes a partner such, it is quite possible that there is a factor that will return the usual psychological state. First of all, it is worthwhile to understand the reasons for what is happening in order to be able to customize something.

For male behavior, aggression is quite common.

It allows you to gain social status in society - a leader, a leader. Achieve goals, seek the ladies' favor. Successfully conduct business, compete with rivals in any area.

So, as we can see, in certain doses, such a state is even useful, being the core of the male character. So where does an angry and nervous man come from, whose critical excesses interfere with life?

So why the husband became irritable, what are the main reasons?

1. Big, persistent trouble at work. In addition, under stressful conditions, the brain does not have time to switch from one mode, work, to another, family relationship, therefore, a behavior model is transferred. A man proves his case to the director by standing in front of his wife. Physical exhaustion, lack of sleep, overwork are also reasons for irritability, and oneself too, and from here on to others.
2. Psychological trauma of childhood. They can become aggravated in certain situations, they can go into the subconscious, stay there for years. It is worth understanding the reasons for their manifestations at certain points. One cannot do without a specialist in such matters in order to get rid of internal complexes once and for all.
3. Application of the family behavior model adopted from the parents. If the father and mother were constantly at knives, staged scenes with a showdown, amid screams and scandals, the child takes this as the norm and builds his family relationship in the same way. This is usually noticeable at the very beginning of a relationship.
4. Abuse of alcohol, drugs and other means. The psyche is disturbed, a person is no longer able to adequately assess the environment and his behavior himself, periodically loses control over himself and does not notice this, becomes angry, dissatisfied with everything around him and irritable.
5. Male irritability syndrome (SMR) is a recent diagnosis in medical practice. It is characteristic of that period of a man's state, a kind of menopause, when the body produces less testosterone - the male hormone. This leads to the husband becoming irritable and aggressive, nervous and tired. So this behavior is not always a consequence of external factors, but it is due to physiological reasons.

Manifestation methods

Aggressiveness is sometimes a peculiar way of male self-affirmation. This behavior often occurs when a person lacks love, attention, and warmth. In this way, he begins to fight for them, to prove that he is worthy of attention.

Jealous husbands aggressively express their rights to a woman. For many women, such emotions are taken for outbursts of passion, according to the principle "beats means loves."

It also happens that aggressiveness becomes a way of communication.

Aggressive human behavior is a manifestation of his internal properties, such as:

• weakness;
• lack of confidence in yourself and your abilities;
• internal anger;
• various psychological complexes. it is easier for women to cope with them, because it is easier to admit inadequacy. Men are less flexible;
• various fears, especially not to be realized, wealthy (in any business), having achieved something.

Often the husband is very hot-tempered and aggressive because this is the response to the ban, restriction of rights, infringement of dignity. A way to get what you want, if otherwise it turns out to be impossible. When such behavior is approved by the partner, it is clearly established as not only normal and productive, but also puts the spouse one step higher, allowing him to dominate the conflict. However, aggression has a property - it is like fire, it attacks everything around it, without choosing an object. Therefore, in the next conflict, in the place of a neighbor or a conductor, there will be a spouse who recently admired her spouse who decides the issue with her fists.

Forms of aggression

Despite all the variety of forms of this emotion, aggression happens:

• verbal
• physical.

It would seem that nothing beats a physical blow. But a well-applied word sometimes hurts no less. Offensive nicknames, uncontrollable statements, rude attacks, threats, comparisons - all this causes deep psychological trauma, especially if it happens often. Even if the words are not fair and everyone knows about it, they hurt very painfully, and even apologies afterwards do not even out the scratched relationship.

Physical abuse is very common in many families, no matter how many times a hot-tempered and irritable spouse hurts his wife, time passes and she forgets everything. Either in an effort to save the family, or in a hopeless belief that everything will change in some wonderful way, or out of great love.

Aggressive man - what is he

Almost all aggressive personalities have similar character traits. Which ones?

• Often they consider others to be their enemies. To protect themselves from a potential blow, they strike first.
• Have low self-esteem. In this case, aggression is perceived as the very way to assert oneself, to prove one's strength to oneself and the opponent.
• They are looking for the culprit of their mistakes from the outside. Instead of analyzing your own behavior, the easiest way is to identify the person responsible for the failure among the environment and lash out at him with reproaches. Their weaknesses require justification, which is possible only with an external culprit. Such people do not like to take responsibility for themselves.
• They allow themselves outbursts of anger, easily and quickly ignite, allowing themselves to be nervous, and sometimes even enjoying this state.
• They do not make compromises, they are extremely egocentric.

What to do in cases of male aggression

If your husband is aggressive, what should you do first? It is very difficult to restrain your emotions and not succumb to mutual aggression or violent tears, depending on the woman's temperament. This is possible in conditions of composure and a rational approach.

First of all, don't get into conflict. A woman should avoid it by all means: go to the store to shop, even if nothing is needed, go for a walk, trying in every possible way to disappear from sight and stop being an annoying factor. When an aggressive husband is alone with his emotions, he will calm down due to the lack of a punching bag.

Helping a man get rid of bouts of anger and irritability is possible only with his consent and readiness. No doctor can heal a sick person who doesn't want to be healed.

How to behave if the husband has become aggressive and irritable, how to stop conflicts correctly? Recommendations of a psychologist in the field of family relations will help.

1. Gently remind your partner of his shortcomings if you feel that the attacks and accusations in your direction are groundless. Offer to improve and develop together - a joint business always unites.
2. Try to find the cause of your man's outbursts and discontent, to figure out if there is any your contribution to the process of forming negative emotions.
3. Do not allow yourself to be ripped off by anger, insecurity, irritability. Do not take accusations on faith, do not humiliate yourself, adjusting to all the claims and fantasies of your partner.
4. Do not put pressure on a man, forcing him to act against his will, obeying your desires and requirements. Let your partner strive and achieve something of their own, even if you yourself do not see value and importance in it. The spouse also has his desires and goals, do not deprive them. The best way to persuade is negotiation, use dialogue in resolving conflicts.
5. Do not hide your grievances, report them to your partner, build feedback. Sometimes what happens is just because the man has no idea that you don't like it.
6. Build your own self-esteem.
7. Remember your dignity in difficult times. Sometimes it is worth pretending that nothing is happening in order to devalue emotions.
8. Be in control of yourself, this also applies to those around you. Self-control often solves problems more than screaming and vivid emotions. At the same time, it is also necessary to let off steam, but in more painless ways, their mass (physical activity, beat the pillow, go in for sports, etc.). And then the question of why the husband became like this will disappear
9. If this is a manifestation of SMR - male irritability syndrome, then a man more than ever needs female warmth and care. At this time, an attentive attitude on the part of loved ones will help you get through a difficult period. Otherwise, the husband will be in this state forever.

Conclusion

Wives who are married to an aggressive man know this, but often do not want to admit it. This behavior of a partner is usually kept secret, especially when it happens and others are not around. If this problem really bothers you, don't let things go by themselves. If both partners want to, a solution can always be found.

We have been together for 6 years. My husband is a tyrannical man, hot-tempered and always has been. We went through a lot of things, including his betrayal, but he repented, and I forgave, and lived on, without looking back. Still family . All the years that we are together, we were able to somehow get along under one roof and learned to understand and respect each other.

” What is happening now can probably be called a crisis of relations, or maybe it is something else.

We had misunderstandings, quarrels, but not to say that more often than others. By himself, he is well, a very touchy, vulnerable person, but lately it has all been delayed - the husband does not want to put up. Sleeps in another room, does not talk to me. Constant threats that he will leave, and that I do not even dare to touch him. Insults and humiliates almost out of the blue. Refuses to talk, no matter how I ask. And sometimes I don't even understand why he is so offended or angry. He's just silent! He sees perfectly well that I am suffering, but he says that he does not care. The feeling that the person just likes to live in such horror.

” Not so long ago he came drunk, began to say that he loved me very much, that I was a holy man, his half, that he hated and reproached himself. That I shouldn't have to apologize for what I'm not to blame. And that he, like me, suffers and he is very bad, and also asked me to find him a psychotherapist.

It seems that they decided that the world. The next day he said that he had not said this, or rather, he had said, but not he, but someone else in him. To this day, the situation has not changed. In general, I don't know what to do and how to be. We live as strangers, and I do not recognize my loved one. He knows that I want to keep my family together, and he knows that I love. But what feelings he has - I do not know. I only know that he is very cruel to me and unjust. How to be?

I would like to continue the question: what to do to ...? And then an explanation of exactly how you want to be. Like before? It would probably suit you, but he is no longer there. For six years, that method of smoothing out sharp corners and avoiding conflicts that you used has become obsolete.

” You know, this is how the shelf life of things expires, they break and it is pointless to repair. So the crisis, I agree, the situation is quite pulling.

I believe that your husband himself does not really understand what is being done to him, but in fact, by his behavior, he calls you to intimacy, to a more sincere relationship than those that were, more emotionally saturated, more satisfying. After all, he obviously draws anger out of you: he steps on a mental corn, comes, humiliates, ignores. Answer yourself: what does it provoke?

But with anger you obviously have problems. For a long time he has been saving up for your husband, in a weighty bag behind his shoulders has been lying for a long time, he is going to even before betrayal. That there is only your phrase: "Still a family." How much patience is hidden in it, by which anger is folded into a bag and kept there. And as a result, a holy man appears before the husband, half of him suffering, reflecting his mental anguish, remorse in his own insignificance.

” When, under the influence of alcohol, the control of his consciousness weakens, the husband begins to say not what he thinks, but what he feels: he knows that his wife is with him, with insignificance, toil, and he sucks blood out of her to refresh herself.

But only drunk, it is accidentally found in him when the masking of his wounds of insignificance falls off, and he is masked by contempt for you and touchy invaluableness. Like an enchanted child, deep down in his soul, he wants his mother to disenchant, but his consciousness makes sure that he remains invulnerable and does not allow anyone to approach spiritual wounds. And you, as a compassionate mother, obey his consciousness, and endure yourself. Anger in a magic bag can disenchant him. But for this you need to release the anger from the shoulder bag, dump everything on hubby without a trace. The bag is heavy, tends to the ground and humps, ages. He sees not the woman in front of him that his soul needs, but a trick that plays along with his consciousness.

” By enduring, hiding your anger, you lie to yourself and your husband and feed his psychological problems.

Let go of your anger, and with it there is also contempt and disgust for such behavior of your husband - and you yourself will become more beautiful, straighten up, your soul will sing, and your husband's disguise-witchcraft will fall apart. If you endure again, but you don’t start to please him - you will remain yourself, then the husband will have no options: either to look for another wife, who will allow her to drink her blood, or to go out for sincerity, no longer by drunkenness, but by a man's decision. And, if the peasant needs it, he will go himself to look for a psychotherapist or psychologist, and not to ask for a wife, like a child is a mother. So you can support a man in him, not a nomadic, unhappy child.

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