Is it normal to feel lonely or am I a black sheep? I would like to sit in silence for at least an hour so that no one calls or touches. Sometimes at work, irritation suddenly arises, you want to close your ears and shout: “Shut up! Give silence! "

It is worse when you come home with the thought of finally giving up and just being alone, and the household is trying to keep you busy. In such moments, loneliness - you wait, you want, you thirst!

My dream is loneliness

If a person sometimes wants to be alone, that's okay. Moreover, for 5% of the world's population, it is sometimes as necessary as drink or food. Especially in the modern world, oversaturated with information.

Let's figure it out with the help of system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan in the following questions:

Who loves loneliness;

Why does a person feel lonely;

If a person is feeling lonely, is there any need to resist;

If I want loneliness, what threatens the suppression of this desire;

If loneliness requires its realization, how to do it without harming the psyche.

The root of loneliness

Loneliness is of particular importance for a person with a sound vector. Since childhood, quiet, loving silence and loneliness, he has a negative attitude towards any loud sounds. He focuses on his inner world and thoughts, so that later he can convey an understanding of his clues in ideas.

Night is his favorite time. I think best at night. So, after sitting all night with his thoughts and ideas, he cannot get up in the morning. They say about him - an owl.

Due to sensitive hearing, he does not like noisy companies. Therefore, already in kindergarten and school, loneliness becomes his constant companion. Or a society with the same sound person with whom you can just keep quiet.

His strongest desire is to understand how the world works, why we exist and whether there is any sense in all this. But often this desire is at an unconscious level.

This desire can play a role in the choice of his profession. The owner of the sound vector is a thinker, poet, philosopher, musician, programmer, scientist who studies the structure of the atom or the depths of space. There are many professions where an abstract and extraordinary mind gives an advantage in solving riddles.

Why does he feel lonely

Constant loud noises and bustle around make it difficult to focus on thoughts. It's impossible to get used to it. Gradually, the sound engineer feels tired of communicating not only with friends, but also with loved ones. A strong desire for loneliness begins to haunt him.

It becomes more and more difficult to be alone in silence, because you need to go to work, communicate with friends and family. And if there is also a relationship with a loved one? There is no time to give up and think about the questions about the universe and cognition of oneself, one's “I”. The inner desire to leave and be alone grows.

No amount of love, money, or respect can fulfill the needs of sound intelligence. His egocentrism also plays an important role. Often it becomes an obstacle on the way to development and knowledge - when a person focuses directly on himself. This leads to an even greater distance from others, which, in turn, leads to the desire to be alone, but already with a depressive context. Loneliness will seem like the best solution.

This stress from the need to comply with the standards of behavior grows and leads to a misunderstanding of one's role in society, it begins to be torn apart by a feeling of loneliness and uselessness, because for some reason others live and are happy, they are not tormented by this constant search for themselves.

The desire for loneliness is a signal

In the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, it is clearly traced: when a person does not strive for what nature has given him, problems of a different nature begin. Likewise, excessive loneliness, withdrawal into oneself gradually plunges a person into bad states. A strong tension builds up inside, and this can lead to sleep disturbances, up to constant insomnia.

Another bell is frequent headaches, migraines. The body kind of hints that the sound engineer is doing the wrong thing and is wasting his potential.

This is reflected in relationships with couples or loved ones. Others cannot understand his desire. He needs loneliness, and attempts to explain come across statements: "You don't love me!" - up to hysteria. Or another option - suspicion of treason, reaching unreasonable jealousy and constant checks. "Why else does he need to be alone?"

Such situations further exacerbate the situation. From this, the desire to be alone only increases. A person wants to hide from the annoying world, but this only further removes him from realizing his potential and can lead to severe depression or suicidal thoughts.

How to fulfill your desire to be alone

Of course, in real life, the desire to be alone is not easy to fulfill due to many reasons related to work or family. But there is always a way out. The main thing is to think well. We're talking about mental health.

If a person works in a large team, and loneliness requires its own, you need to provide yourself with silence and retirement for at least 20 minutes. This will provide an opportunity to collect thoughts, think about important things. The working day will pass in a more relaxed atmosphere, and loneliness will recede after such a little mental concentration.

The same is true for moms with a sound vector. Especially if children are infants. Because of the baby's screaming and constant grooming, the sound mom can experience postpartum depression. She is hurt by the feelings that she is experiencing, she is seized by a strong despair, and loneliness for her will be like something very desirable.

To prevent such a situation, you need to organize, albeit a small, opportunity to be alone. Such a brief loneliness will give strength, and she will return to her duties with much more zeal. Her feelings of loneliness and incomprehensible melancholy will recede for a while. A more significant relief is given by understanding the essence of the sound vector, what exactly happens to it.

Share the loneliness with your loved one

If you are in a relationship, things are much easier. Try to explain why you feel lonely, try to convey this desire, say that you need loneliness. You can find a middle ground.

If your soul mate wants to go to the movies with friends, then you can stay at home and collect your thoughts. You can go for a walk in the park together and just be silent, sit nearby. This has its own charm and a kind of spiritual closeness. Thus, having filled your sound voids, you will want to communicate.

Now, without the help of a psychologist, you can recognize your states, sort out your problems, understand the reasons for the feeling of loneliness. With the help of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology, you can change your state through understanding yourself and other people, find your place and understand hidden desires. Then you will not need to use the "poultices" described earlier. The results of many people prove this.

“… Now I realized that we are nowhere without communication. Without people ... why me then? For whom is it all? .. There has come an awareness of the need for society and people around. I want to work with them, communicate, be useful!
... There was a time (a year, perhaps, more) when I did not want to see people, dress beautifully. I went to work in jeans and a sweater. Not feeling like a woman. I am not me, I am it. But a few days ago I had a desire to dress beautifully, put on a dress and do not crawl out of it))). I feel beautiful, feminine, desirable ... "

“… This world is here. He is real! And the meaning of life is also here, and you need to look for it only here! Not alone, but among other people! He is in us and for everyone he is his own! And everyone has their own search. I think I am where I need to be. I want to enjoy this life, hear the sounds of birds, hear how this earth rotates and know that everything is not just here. That we all do not just walk and live. That everything and everyone has its own purpose and meaning in the existence of everyone on this earth! Maybe this is the very answer about the meaning that you are always looking for? What do you think?.."

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The article was written using materials from online trainings on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

Read often

Girls who have been in a relationship for a long time often have a desire to distance themselves a little from their partner. However, you should not be intimidated by such behavior: this is not necessarily a "bell" that she is. It's just that sometimes your partner needs an emotional "reset."

Alone, a girl can calmly ponder many questions and find answers to many of them. Especially sensitive and creative natures want to be alone with themselves. If the girl does not get the privacy she wants, it can result in a scandal or a quarrel.

The desire to be alone can also be a signal for a partner that not everything is in order in a relationship. Perhaps this need is just a way to get your attention. Try to take a closer look at the behavior of your passion and understand if it is not played and if the lady really wants privacy. There is a real chance that by expressing such a desire, the girl simply expects a decisive step from you, which will bring something new into the relationship.

If a girl's desire to be alone occurs at the very beginning of a relationship, this may also have its own reasons that are not related to you. First, your chosen one may turn out to be. People of this type sometimes need loneliness to restore psychological balance.

Secondly, many girls are very prone to hormonal surges. Depending on the phase of the menstrual cycle, the behavior of your chosen one can vary greatly. Also, the girl may not want to show you her hysterical character during PMS, and therefore tries to survive it on her own.

Seclusion for serious reasons

Sometimes girls want to be alone for a reason. This desire can be a disturbing sign. There is a possibility that your darling needs privacy to make a difficult but necessary decision.

For example, a girl might have been dating another (or several) young man for some time in parallel with you. Having “tested” the available options, she wants to go into the shadows for a while in order to analyze everything and make her choice. Another similar situation: her ex-boyfriend appeared on the horizon, who offers to start the relationship anew. If the feelings have not cooled down to the end, the girl will want to retire and think carefully about everything.

However, the desire to be alone does not at all signal that your passion is a "multi-lane". Perhaps, in her opinion and feelings, the relationship with you is gradually reaching a dead end. She may need some privacy to understand her feelings for you, to appreciate their seriousness and desire to continue (or end) the relationship.

It is very difficult to understand what the situation is in your pair. A frank conversation or any of your decisive steps can help. Refusing a girl in solitude is not worth it - this can provoke a quarrel and aggression, an unnecessary spat. Stay calm, let the lady be alone, recuperate and make the necessary decision.

Love does not lie on the road like a stone; it must be created like bread; it must be created anew and recreated all the time.

There are people with the Soul as deep as the ocean - in which you want to plunge. And there are people, like puddles, who must be avoided so as not to get dirty.

Live the way you want. Breathe air, drink water, eat fruit. And enjoy the sensations.

From time to time, a person does not interfere with being in silence and loneliness - this has its own charm.

How I want not to lose you
Look into your eyes and enjoy.
At the same time, freezing, to understand
That you and I might not have met.

Sometimes you need a crash in the system and a step by touch in the dark,
And sometimes - to be not with those, in order to finally understand who - those are.

How sometimes you want to know that everything is not in vain.

What a pity that memory cannot be killed.
She alone cripples our lives.
How painful it is to remember everything and live ...
With the ridiculous phrase "Time heals" "!

It takes courage to live the way you want.

I want some peace and quiet. Measured by the flowing seconds, hot tea and books: loved ones or not yet familiar, atmospheric and whimsical. I want the lace of words and the falling leaves of emotions. I want beautiful stories with a drop of sadness. Would dissolve in this melancholy, lose for a couple of happy nights.

Some people feel that they sometimes or often have a burning desire to be alone. Even with a loved one, with good friends, with your own children - yes, yes! part for a while. What is it: a normal dictate of the heart for any adult, or some kind of psychological pathology? How to react to this desire: to support it or to act exactly the opposite? To find out the solution to this dilemma, it is necessary to look at the root of desire itself - where does it come from and where does it lead?

Where does the desire to be alone come from?
What to do with the desire to be alone: \u200b\u200bto realize or, conversely, to avoid?
Why time is so important to some people to be alone?
How to react if not me, but "the girl / guy wants to be alone"?
Is it possible that I at the same time I want more intimacy, and at the same time I need more time to be alone?

This article aims to two types of readers... Firstly, those who sometimes seek to be alone, but think about whether this is normal, and, secondly, those who complain about such "strange" behavior of another person are surprised or even reproached for this. After all, it is not so easy to be alone: \u200b\u200bhusband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, friends, parents, children - there will always be someone who will say: "You don't love me / don't respect / don't want to see me / ..." and, as a sequel, “I am offended / I myself don’t want to see you again / you don’t need me / ...” (underline the necessary or add your own version). Therefore, it is highly desirable to read this article together, or at least recommend it to everyone who is experiencing difficulties either with their own desire "I want to be alone", or with a similar desire from their loved one.

And now - the simple truth of life. Yes, in fact, the desire to be alone - fine, there is nothing painful or bad about it.

But it happens not for everyone in the world, but only for 5% of the world's population. And, normally, it appears from time to time. Moreover, this desire really needs to be fulfilled - that is, to be allowed to be in "saturated" loneliness: when there is silence, peace and absolutely no people around.

Who are these 5%? All of them are sound specialists. Of course, any introvert sometimes wants to be alone, there are four such vectors in system-vector psychology. However, loneliness takes on a completely different meaning in the case of a sound engineer.

"Today I want to be alone" - sound vector key

The sound vector is by nature assigned to think about the universe, answering all the questions “why?” That arise in his head. To cognize oneself, one's psychic, subconscious is the work for which he was born. Therefore, it is very important for a sound person to have the possibility of "concentrated" solitude - a short period of time when he can concentrate on all this.

Not realizing as planned, we start having problems. Headaches roll in, as if hinting that you are doing something in vain. At some point, depression comes along, and even suicidal thoughts. Forcing yourself or a loved one to be in society all the time, to deal with everyday problems, remember that this can lead to the opposite effect.

I want to be alone - how to put it into practice?

In real life, some people find it difficult to realize their desire to be alone, especially if it arises sharply right now and suddenly. If you are a mother of a baby, or a manager of a large company with a whole crowd of subordinates, it is very difficult to get up and just walk into a quiet room. However, if you think about it, you can always find a way out of the situation.

In a couple, in a family, it is easiest to achieve the right effect. Openly and truthfully explain to your partner why you want to be alone - try to convey the desires of the sound vector (as an option, let me read this article). It is only at first glance that it seems that an emotional spectator is not a couple for a closed sound person. In fact, the opposite is true, and if a couple is created, love is formed between people, then this is the right relationship and you should not spoil them with mutual reproaches.

It would be a huge mistake to think that if two people are in love, then they should be inseparably together. They simply complement each other, but do not repeat. And all the unique desires that are divided can be realized on the side - here the main thing is to find a middle ground. For example, visual emotions can be filled in the theater, in the cinema, at a party, and go there not with a loved one, but with friends. At the same time, the sound engineer will be able to collect his thoughts.

It is very important to have the opportunity to rest for sound mothers, especially for very young babies. Screams, constant demand for attention - all this exhaust the sound vector, more and more forms the only desire "leave me all alone!" This is how such a phenomenon arises as postpartum depression, detachment from their own children. To avoid such a scenario, it is important to immediately organize an opportunity for the sound mother to have at least a small, but opportunity, to be alone. There is nothing wrong with this, and this does not mean at all that she is a bad mother - after concentrated loneliness, she will return to her duties with even greater zeal.

At work and at school, in communication with friends or parents, in any team, it is more difficult to achieve the desired intense loneliness. And here the person himself with the sound vector must apply his intellect to find a solution to how to provide himself with silence and disconnection from everyday problems.

I want to be alone - sound-visual mood

Now in big cities there are many polymorphic people who combine two vectors: sound and visual. An amazing combination makes a person. There will be everything: emotional swings, hysterics, and a keen desire to be alone. Such a person can simultaneously demand increased loving attention from his partner, and at the same time push him away, say that he is being stifled by too close communication. The contrariness of the two vectors leads to confusion in the soul and not understanding both oneself and one's partner. As a rule, the visual vector is suppressed by the dominant sound vector and "breaks through" outward in a person rarely, but strongly - including hysterics.

Sound-visual people need to learn to separate their desires for emotional communication and introverted, sound content through abstract thinking. Having managed to do this, a lot of desires open up before a person, among which "I want to be alone" is only a small fraction of desires.

Knowing himself, his mental, a person with a sound vector ceases to have a headache, depression and thoughts of suicide do not come to him. The more he deals with his direct destiny, the less he needs "concentrated" loneliness - the more he wants to be with other people, to communicate and learn the world through others.

The article was written based on the materials of the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan. We invite you to attend trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. The introductory part of the lectures is absolutely free and available to everyone by