Why don't people appreciate the good you do to them?

The question is, of course, interesting. On the one hand, they, such radishes, just get used to it and begin to take this good for granted. On the other hand, is it really such good if we begin to expect gratitude in return? Ideally, both recipients should be grateful and givers are selfless. But life is generally an unfair thing. There are different options. Become Mother Teresa and do good to everyone just like that. Or become a complete egoist and generally do nothing to anyone. Or become a mercantile pragmatist and do good only to those who give something in return. Or even more mercantile - to do good only in response to good. I myself look at the circumstances - give or take. And I don't worry too much about people. Nobody's perfect as they are.

When a person does good, he first thinks with his heart, because he is very sorry and needs to do something, and then over time, when the person to whom he has done good becomes obtrusive and arrogant, then he thinks with his head, but to the great happiness there are few ungrateful people. And no one forces us to do good, we just do it ourselves, so that later we don’t worry, we could help and don’t help.

Well, that's what they say: I did a good thing, move away to a distance, so that a wave of gratitude does not hit the . People are inherently ungrateful. Let me give you an example: my uncle was kicked out of the house empty-handed, his daughters immediately said that they did not need him for their families, but we thought and decided that leaving a person in trouble is impossible. They gave him a room, bought clothes, helped with work. What have we achieved? Every day he comes drunk and throws up scandals for us, plus he raised his hand once, and there is nowhere to expel him. Conclusion: where is the banal gratitude? In such a situation, you do not expect her, but you expect that the person will behave humanly. The same as: The road to hell is paved with good intentions ;. Help for the soul is better when you help children from a shelter, or people who have suffered from a fire, we do it selflessly and do not expect anything in return, but it is so nice to know that these people are praying for you and your children. And you don't need more. Therefore, not everyone is ungrateful, but unfortunately the majority.

Those who are not accustomed to thank do not appreciate the good. Everything comes from childhood. Another person even has thank you the language does not turn to say. People for the most part take good deeds and deeds for granted. But still the expression do good does not mean the same good in return. A person should not expect to be rewarded for his good deeds. In this case, commodity relations arise, Give for give called. They do not seek from goodness.

A person, making any decision, is guided by a rational approach or ethical. These approaches are opposed to each other. In nature, everything happens cruelly, but rationally. Man, due to his development relative to other species, made things so complicated that he invented many different ethical concepts such as good and justice. Rationality, in my understanding, is when a person receives something in return for his actions. Ethics - when a person does not consciously receive benefits, this is a refusal to fight. By sacrificing something, everyone thereby violates the natural laws of nature ( slows down; maybe breaks the chain of cause and effect conceived by nature with his inventions) and if you collect all these sacrifices together, then this will be the force that keeps the human society from self-destruction. When a group of people acts more rationally, it ultimately gains greater opportunities, more influence, uses the colossal forces of nature and acts in unison with them. But at the same time they themselves become hostages of the structure that they have generated. For example oligarchs are victims of capital. Victims in the sense that their whole essence is aimed at replicating pieces of paper. It is unlikely that any of them will become a scientist or a person of art. Many of the criminals believe that they have understood life - but in fact, only one of the possible ways to live it. It turns out that our life is a flow of energy (sun-\u003e plants-\u003e animals-\u003e people-\u003e the meaning of human life?). Once it began, one day it will end. (The sun arose as a result of unimaginable cosmic processes, and only a relative calm in our solar system created conditions for the development of complex structures, such as carbon forms of life) A rational approach accelerates this flow, and it becomes destructive - can demolish everything on its way if it is not stopped (like a nuclear reaction). People call it Evil. An ethical approach slows down this flow and it is customary to call it Good. (Delayed nuclear reaction - nuclear power plant, science, art, music) For example, in a military conflict, everyone acts rationally, assessing the risks, calculating the enemy's steps in advance, but in the end they incur huge losses, often not comparable to the benefits of winning. And only a compromise, when both parties sacrifice part of their interests, leads to a quiet resolution of the situation (a calm flow of energy). In the animal kingdom, this almost never occurs (a hungry predator will not allow the victim to continue to exist ethically dooming himself to death. He acts according to his instincts, according to nature. and people have cases of cannibalism in a hopeless situation - this is an entirely rational approach).

Returning to the question ... When we do good - in fact, we often act rationally. We get something for this: recognition by society, awareness of our holiness, expectation of reciprocal help (in the future) from this person. It's just that it can be intangible things or investments that will create the appearance of gratuitousness. I ask you not to be offended, but if you think that your good is not appreciated, then this is similar to a situation where you did not discuss the terms of the contract and did not come to a mutual agreement regarding it)) You have completed your part, and the partner may not know what you are waiting for instead. You need to communicate more in such cases, to explain your position, because many things are transmitted non-verbally (even if they are not clearly pronounced). Only holy people are capable of real (free) Good. It sounds paradoxical, but for real Good they receive suffering (due to the fact that they go against the laws of the universe) and the energy that they suspend, as if hitting them.

So if you are doing good, and you feel that people do not appreciate you, there is nothing wrong with explaining to a person the essence of your actions and expectations. If you do not care that the person did not thank you ( do good and throw him into the water), while all the troubles of the world fall on you, then it is possible that you are walking the path of a saint and, I would not want to upset, but with this approach your affairs will only get worse)

this is the law of meanness. do not do good to a person - you will not get evil

Goodness presupposes disinterestedness, sincerity, but people either do not trust, or look for a catch everywhere, or simply do not understand the meaning of actions, and pay with ingratitude and evil. The fact is that help pampers people, discourages, gives the feeling that it should be so, that it goes without saying, so why value a person if he is so stupid, let me do something nasty to him.

People can be ungrateful in themselves, with a wormhole, because they are angry at the whole world, incapable of doing good.

It seems to me that you idealize people and at the same time suffer from the fact that your thoughts about people's behavior do not coincide with their real way of acting. Yes, unfortunately people often behave not only dishonestly, but also tactless, shameless, impudent, cynical. If you are inclined to sincerely help people, then you should not worry about their response, let it remain on their conscience. And if you are offended that you are being paid with honest ingratitude, then there will be no nerves. You should take human weaknesses and shortcomings for granted and continue to do good deeds to the best of your ability.

You know, and you start doing something because you yourself sincerely want to help, and not to be told thank you and began to appreciate. Don't expect this from people. There are people who are not grateful, so be it. This is their conscience, and you live according to your conscience.

Because they are like that, their stage of life has not yet passed, which would teach to appreciate the good that another person gives him gratuitously. But don't worry about these people, life will certainly teach them sooner or later. First at frivolous events, then at more serious ones. Because a person should be grateful.

Why do men not appreciate kind and caring women? How many times have I noticed this ... 🤔. Is this really a drawback? Just because a woman has a good heart does not mean that she is stupid or naive. She has everything - career, rest, hobbies, she is her own mistress. At some point, such girls come to the conclusion that they no longer want to change their lives.

A good girl strives to find a partner for life, to create a strong relationship. She is looking forward to meeting a man who will become her best friend.

She is looking for someone who will accept all her flaws and shortcomings, surround her with love and care. Such a girl does not consider relationships as a game, does not manipulate the guys.

A kind heart does not make her weak, it helps her to forgive and give people a second chance.

She sees only good in others. Everyone has the right to make mistakes - that's what she thinks. We all did what we later bitterly regretted, the main thing is that we learned from this lesson. Anyone has the right to start life from scratch.

A good girl is not guided by rules, but by intuition. She will not allow a man to tell her how to live, she loves herself the way nature created her. She considers her kindness to be a blessing from above.

She knows that kindness sometimes brings more problems and worries than happiness, but she does not change her attitude towards people.

She knows that others seem strange, as if out of this world, but she doesn't care, she is always one step ahead.

Her path is the path of spirituality. She trusts the Universe and sees the blessing of heaven in every moment. In the most difficult situations, she remains true to herself and her views.

Even if they mock her, she will not pay evil for evil. Kindness is her weapon. How do you feel about girls who seem good to others, but never find a mate?

Why is the one who often "shakes hands" with others at a difficult moment, many people consider soft romantics, due to whom you can comfortably arrange your own life?

What if you think people need help, if they need help, but don't want to look like a weakling in other people's eyes?

What do we mean by kindness?

Kindness- it is not only the ability and desire to support someone in a difficult situation, but also a positive attitude towards which a person subconsciously strives under any circumstances.

This does not mean that he walks around the clock with a smile on his lips.

Some good-natured people may not have a friendly facial expression, but their heart, as they say, is big, and is able to give warmth to those in need of support.

In other words, about kindness, we can say that these are various manifestations of a peculiarity of a human character, which has really moral qualities and is capable of sympathy with others.

Kindness can manifest itself in the form of:

Why is it hard for good people to live?

This happens if fate disposes in such a way that the philanthropist is surrounded only by mercantile personalities, shamelessly exploiting it and not intending to leave a person the opportunity to spend resources on his personal tasks.

The life of such a good-natured person can be similar to the schedule of duty at the ambulance team.

I.e there are always suffering, but there is no time to drink tea, relax and, figuratively, look out the window or do something for yourself.

And if in the case of doctors they have at least a salary, then philanthropists very often have only inner comfort from the feeling that they did the right thing and at the behest of their hearts. But there is often no time for yourself. And resources too.

A person may suffer for his own responsiveness for the following reasons:

Why don't people appreciate this quality?

Main reason: some individuals quickly forget that good deeds are not an obligatory action, but a manifestation of the purely will of an assistant who has decided that someone is worth and needs to lend a hypothetical shoulder.

Moreover:

Who owns the quote: "Kindness is taken for weakness, and rude behavior is for a demonstration of strength." What to do for those who want be kind but not weak?

Be prepared that for a long time it will be difficult for you to restrain yourself and not rush to the call of everyone who asks for help.

But learning to distinguish between empty requests and the voice of someone in real trouble is worth it. If only because there will be more effort and time to save the latter.

Beecher Henry Ward said that kindness is often mistaken for weakness, and rude behavior for a show of strength. However, in his own words, the greatest merit of the strong is to apply his physical or spiritual superiority in the right way and direction.

It is said quite aptly, succinctly and expected from religious figure, well known in America in the century before last.

And if a fire burns in you, the warmth of which will be enough for someone else, do not be afraid to share it. But try not to waste on people who only seem to be in a difficult situation.

Why do people respond to good with evil:

Let's talk. You object to me - they still appreciate it! But this is not entirely true - a man appreciates any actions of a woman exactly as long as he values \u200b\u200bthe woman herself. As with children. While her mother loves them, she loves children. And after the divorce, remember the name and alimony through the court. Therefore, do not rush to give the man all of yourself, especially in the hope that he will notice it, and that the memory of your merits will keep him close at a fateful moment. At the same time, I do not dissuade you from acting at the behest of your soul and helping or supporting a man when you see fit. Just do it because your conscience tells you so, without relying on gratitude. Appreciate - fine, no - well, ce la vie.

As I have already written many times, it is very important for a man to be good - even in the case when he commits frankly bad deeds. Therefore, his "task" is to shift the responsibility to the woman as much as possible. Cheated - you didn't pay enough attention to me. He insisted that he didn’t want children, and at the age of 50 he “patched up” the child to his mistress and went to her - it was better to convince me of the need for children and, in general, you didn’t want to. Or here's another example. The husband came down with a stroke, his wife looked after him, found doctors, took out a loan to get him into a good rehabilitation center. When he recovered, he went to his mistress, who had appeared even before the illness (the wife did not know). To all the questions "How is that ?!", he answered - "And I did not ask to take care of me." And you can't argue, except from the point of view of morality.

While writing the article, I found the story of a girl who married a virgin. I thought that my husband would appreciate it - he was so happy about it. “I had my first wedding night after the wedding. Almost 10 years later, there was a very difficult divorce. To my words ... how could you cheat me with anyone and not when ... there was an answer .. and who asked you. It was like an ice shower. "

Tell these stories to men outside the context of the article and you will see that most of them will not understand the problem and will answer in the same way - well, he did not ask ... Yes, even if he asked, a man will always find how to turn the matter in his favor.

There is another interesting feature - the man remembers only your last act. What is usually "negative". He will take positive for granted, but God forbid you to refuse anything. All your previous support, the help of a fighting friend, the fact that you were there in the most difficult moments, etc. will be forgotten at the first time when you cannot, do not want, or you will not have the strength to do something else for him again. However, at every opportunity he himself will remember how 3 years ago he gave you 50 thousand rubles for a new handbag and will present it as if he does it almost every week. These 50 thousand 3 years ago will become his calling card, the answer to all your claims. Your actions are what you already have to do. His is the hero's triumph, applause and a laurel wreath.

So why do men not appreciate being well treated? I have already named the first reason. The memory of your merits will limit him, not let him do what he wants, but what you will not like. Therefore, it is easier to forget or present it as your goodwill, which he did not ask for, or another option - to say that you, as a wife, were already obliged to do this, there is nothing like that in this. And it doesn't matter what it cost you. After all, we are not talking about washing dishes or "in illness and health", but about life-determining moments, such as having children or big financial obligations and risks, where you sacrifice something for the sake of a man. That is why you should always think only of yourself first. Or, as my elderly friend used to say, “never tell your husband all the secrets, do not give in in everything, do not expect that he will appreciate and answer in kind.” I would add - and never feel sorry for a man, if we are not talking about momentary experiences or objective troubles. Then he is not a fact that he will regret you. As long as everything is good in your family, you will not have reason to doubt, but as soon as the marriage cracks or problems arise, you can be bitterly disappointed.

The second reason, why do men not appreciate being well treated is that they take the vast majority of actions for granted. The wife will tell her friends for a long time how her husband drove her oranges to the hospital almost every day, how he cared, what a fine fellow he is, not like the others. A man will perceive a similar situation as completely natural. Maybe he brags to friends, but in fact he will react very calmly, or even notice that you could pay more attention.

Another reason is border checking. Subconsciously (and not really) a man wants to know to what extent he can "use" a woman. Not in terms of banal and cynical use, but in everyday life. Where is the line through which it is impossible to cross otherwise, you will receive a response. If a wife gave a large amount of money a couple of times, how many times can she give the same amount or more? Until when will she tolerate my quirks before giving the last warning? To be fair, I will say that not only men do this, women are no less.

Therefore, a man cannot be won through a good relationship. You give him affection, borscht, good sex, comfort, clean floors - but he doesn't need it. This is a hymn of love for you, but for him nothing more than pleasant, but not even very necessary little things. To a much greater extent, he needs a woman partner nearby, equal to him in level. Or a "hot thing" with character. And he will eat borscht in a restaurant - all the more delicious there ..

And the last - perhaps you are simply imposing your idea of \u200b\u200bgood on the man. It seems to you that you are caring, but it seems to him that you are obsessive. There is no longer his fault. You cannot instill in another person your attitudes about happiness, it is better to understand what he needs specifically.

Why do they stop appreciating loyal and decent people, devoted good wives and caring good husbands, responsible employees and honest companions? You will find the answer in this article ...

You will be responsible and good. Loving, caring and responsible. Every day you will do the same thing - good. Correct. Do good deeds and even feats, maybe. At first they will admire you, and then they will stop loving you. You will get bored and disgusted. And your flowers, good deeds and even exploits will displease you. The pies you serve will become boring. And they will leave you. Those who praised and admired you so warmly will leave.

When you are always good and predictable, it is not good for you.

This is because you are predictable. Monotonously predictable, you are like the sun that warms and shines; but how tiresome the eternal sun, how predictable its rises and sets. Who thanks the sun? Yes, no one in hot countries where rain and cold do not happen. They hide from the sun in the shade. And about the rain they write in the newspapers as an unusual phenomenon. Amazing and long-awaited ...

When you are always good and predictable, it is not good for you. You are like a postman who arrives at the same time - they stop noticing you... And they stop appreciating.

And those who admired you begin to dislike you. That's why:people tend to remember the first emotions that you caused them: delight, joy, admiration ... And then these emotions pass. And a person involuntarily compares his first admiration and the current indifference, satiety. No, it was not he who was fed up. It is your fault that you are so predictable, correct, monotonously good. It is your fault that you no longer cause admiration. Are you tired of your kind face and good deeds; disgusted!

That is why they stop appreciating loyal and decent people. Devoted good wives and caring kind husbands. Responsible employees and honest companions.Everything predictable is boring and tiring, like the sun in a clear sky. They cease to see and hear you: this is how they cease to see the old clock on the shelf and hear their ticking.

One husband, faithful and responsible, the wife did not see or hear. And she didn't. And she was annoyed with the flowers that he regularly gave. But at first there was so much joy and admiration for her husband's care and responsibility!

Once this respectable husband got drunk at a meeting of classmates. For the first and only time in my life. I came home in the morning, broke the glass in the door, bumped into the floor, and called my wife "Eduard Sergeevich", although her name was Sveta. So, after repentance and stormy reconciliation, relations improved. This is not good behavior, but the wife saw an alternative to sobriety, flowers and gifts. And she stopped taking the good for granted. It turns out that not everything is so predictable and monotonous. And the sun does not shine forever, there is both rain and storm ...

Monotonous responsible and excellent behavior makes a person terribly boring. And the initial admiration is replaced by dislike: as if he stole those first emotions of delight. Where are you doing my emotions? Where is my admiration? How tired you are, kind and decent boring person!

Don't get drunk. But you don't need to be monotonous either. Otherwise, they will treat it like that - like an old familiar clock in the corner, which does not see, hear and do not appreciate. They seem to be gone. And only complete silence makes you remember the clock; oh, and they broke! They stopped ticking and time to show ... So a kind person is remembered when he is no longer around. When he added variety with his departure ...