Parent-teacher meeting

Subject: Aggressiveness of children. Causes. Prevention of child aggression.

Class: 2.

Goal: the formation of parents' ability to identify the causes of child aggression and correct their behavior in relations with a child in conflict situations.

Tasks: to reveal the concepts of "aggression", "child aggression"; discuss with parents the reasons for child aggression; to reveal its influence on the formation of the child; promote the formation of a culture of understanding among parents of the problem of child aggression and ways to overcome it.

Issues for discussion:

Familiarization of parents with the results of diagnostics of students.

What is aggression? Children's aggression, its forms.

The causes of child aggression. Conflicts.

Methods for overcoming child aggression.

Diagnostics of parents.

Meeting progress.

Introduction.

Dear Parents!The topic of our meeting is very serious. At an age like our children are now, the topic is relevant. Today, at every step, we are faced with aggression not only in society, but we also observe the propaganda of aggression and violence from TV screens and the Internet. The age of aggression is getting younger. What is the reason for this and how to deal with the manifestation of child aggression? We will answer these important questions today.

Familiarization of parents with the results of diagnostics of students.

Two methods were carried out with children: "Cactus", "Three Trees". These methods were carried out in order to identify aggressiveness and anxiety in students, as well as conflict situations in the world around the child and the family. The results of this test showed.

Display of these methods in percentage on the screen.

After carrying out the methods, it became clear that many students are subject to aggression to one degree or another. Many students are anxious and insecure. After the conversation, many students talked about their inner problems. Many show fear of defeat, many conflicts among students in connection with relationships in the children's team.

What is aggression? Children's aggression, its forms.

What is "aggression"?

Aggression is a reaction to the failure of activities, conceived plans, to the restriction of something, prohibitions or unexpected situations. Aggression can manifest itself physically and verbally. Physically - fights. Verbally - swearing, shouting, threats.

Aggression is often confused with persistence, assertiveness, and stubbornness. Do you think these qualities are equivalent?

(Answers from parents)

Childhood aggression is quite common, but we sometimes confuse it with persistence. The level of child aggression varies depending on the situation, but sometimes aggressiveness takes on stable forms.Persistent aggressiveness some children are manifested in the fact that they, differently than others, sometimes understand the behavior of others and accept it as hostile. Boys are more directed towards aggression.

The causes of child aggression.

Why do you think children are aggressive? Why do they exhibit conflicting behavior?

(Answers from parents)

The causes of child aggression.

From the side of the family:

- Lack of attention from parents;

Wrong parental reaction to the child's behavior;

Unhealthy atmosphere in the family, alcohol abuse by its members;

Copying parents who themselves are unable to cope with the expression of negative emotions;

Too harsh actions and punishment for any minor offense;

Permissive attitude from the side of parents to aggressive actions;

Overprotection on the part of the parents.

On the environmental side, schools:

Change of the child's activity;

The desire to be the first in everything;

Reaction to failure, difficulty;

Conflict situations with surrounding children;

Defensive reaction.

Internal changes:

Serious brain diseases and mental disorders;

Age-related changes, the so-called crises: 7 years, 12 years;

Making aggressive behavior commonplace;

Using aggression as a way of self-expression.

5. Techniques for overcoming child aggression.

The very first thing we should give a child is love. And accept him as he is. A child should feel our love and care every day. He must understand that he is needed. Both in the family and at school, the child must know that he is unique. And no assessments or conflicts are of such great importance as its internal development.

Distribution of memos to parents "Prevention of child aggression".

Diagnostics of parents.

Questionnaire " Aggressiveness. A child through the eyes of an adult A. A. Romanov "

Analysis of the results together with the parents.

Meeting results.

Our meeting has come to an end. Let's summarize with you.

Have we answered the main questions that we posed at the beginning?

(Parents' opinions)

Did our conversation provoke thoughts, a desire to change and rebuild the relationship with the child?

(Parents' opinions)

What types of assistance and interaction with the school would we choose now?

(Answers from parents)

I would like to give you a handout that helps inform how to prevent aggression in children.

Attachment 1

Notes for parents

If the child is aggressive ... Love and accept the child as he is. Remember that the child always imitates the one whom (what) he is used to watching, so neither you nor other relatives and friends of the child should show aggression. When making demands on the child, consider not your desires, but his capabilities. Extinguish conflict by channeling the child's interest in a different direction. Teach your child to communicate correctly with peers and adults. Expand your child's horizons. Include the child in joint activities, emphasizing his importance. Ignore the child's slight manifestations of aggressiveness, do not fix the attention of others on this.	You need to fight aggressiveness ... Patience. This is the greatest virtue a parent can have. An explanation. Explain to your child why their behavior is wrong, but be as brief as possible. Distraction. Try to offer your child something more attractive than what they are trying to do. Leisurely. Do not rush to punish the child - do it only if the act is repeated. Award-winning. Praising your child for good behavior will make him want to hear your kind words again.
Rules for parenting behavior to reduce child aggression
Help your child learn constructive ways to overcome obstacles and resolve problems. Show that there are more effective and safer methods than physical assault. Do not transfer your own aggressive reactions to events on the child. Help him get to know himself and other people better. It is possible that the child is behaving aggressively because he does not see another way to assert himself or perceives the world as hostile. Do not humiliate or insult the child, especially in front of strangers; give him a sense of security. Remember the reasons for your own aggressive behavior in childhood. For example, what caused your clashes with your brother or sister, or your own parents, or classmates. You may be able to better understand your child and help him. Be considerate of your child's feelings and desires. Assess your child's capabilities adequately. Know how to compromise. Find the best way to raise a child that everyone who participates in this process agrees with. Love your child just for having him, without any conditions.

Appendix 2

Exercises to reduce the level of aggressiveness
in children

Exercise "Color the balls" Assignment for students. Draw and color circles with funny and angry faces. What color can the "evil" circles be? What color are "good"? Explain why.	Exercise "Paper volleyball" This exercise uses pre-made paper balls. The playground is divided in half. Children are divided into 2 teams, each participant has his own paper ball. You should throw all your balls onto the opponent's field. At the signal, the game is stopped and the balls are counted. On whose field there are fewer of them, that team won.
Exercise "Hands" Children are divided into pairs. One student takes another by the hands and says: "Hey, hand, shake, shake - just don't fight anymore! Relax, hand, and don't bite anymore!" Then they switch roles. The exercise is repeated 2-3 times.	"Sunny Bunny" Assignment for students. The sunbeam looked into your eyes. Close them. He ran over his face, gently stroke him with your palms: on the forehead, on the nose, on the mouth, on the cheeks, on the chin, stroke gently so as not to frighten off. The bunny ran over the head, neck, stomach, arms, legs, got behind the collar - stroke it there too. He's not mischievous - he loves you, and you pet him and make friends with him.
"Save the chick" Assignment for students. Imagine you have a small helpless chick in your hands. Extend your arms, palms up. Now warm it up: slowly, one finger at a time, fold your palms, hide the chick in them, breathe on it, warming it with even, calm breathing, put your palms to your chest, give the chick the warmth of your heart. Open your palms and you will see the chick fly up happily. Smile at him and do not be sad, he will come back to you!
Discharge of anger and aggression
1. Firmly clench your hands into fists so that your fingers dig into your palms, and then unclench your fingers, relax them. Do the exercise until you feel the tension go away. 2. Stretch your arms up and stretch as hard as you can, as if you want to reach something from the ceiling. Then put your hands down, relax them. Feel the tension leave your hands. 3. Close your eyes and frown intensely. Maintain this expression as much as you can, and then relax. Feel the tension disappear. 4. Open your mouth as wide as possible and fold your lips into a large "O". Shut your mouth. This relaxes the muscles in your face. 5. Rub your palms together until they warm up, then place them on your face. Close your eyes and feel the relaxation.

Appendix 3

Aggressiveness.
A child through the eyes of an adult (questionnaire)

A. A. Romanov

Surname, name of the child ______________________________________

Age _____________ Date of completion ______________________

Completed by: parent, psychologist, teacher ________________________

Emphasize how pronounced the situational and personal reactions of aggressiveness in the child:0 - does not appearnever, 1 - sometimes observed, 2 - observed quite often, 3 - manifested almost always, 4 - constantly observed.

Indicators manifestations aggressiveness	Behavioral acts	Frequency manifestations
1. Vegetative traits and external manifestations aggressiveness	— Blushes (turns pale) in a state of irritation, anger — bites, licks lips in a state of irritation, anger — clenches fists in a state of resentment — clenches fists in a state of irritation, anger	01234 01234 01234 01234
2. Exit duration from a state of irritation, anger	— After an aggressive reaction, calms down within 15 minutes — calms down after an aggressive reaction within 30 minutes — after an aggressive reaction calms down within 1 hour — after an aggressive reaction is in a tense state during the day	01234 01234 01234 01234
3. Sensitivity to help an adult	— Can't calm down without the help of an adult — verbal remarks do not inhibit verbal aggression — verbal remarks do not inhibit physical aggression — feelings of dislike for others are not corrected externally	01234 01234 01234 01234
4. Attitude to your own manifestations of aggression	— He himself admits the negativity of his behavior and stops it. — acknowledges the negativity of his behavior after an adult's comments and stops aggressive actions — admits negativity but continues to be aggressive — does not perceive his own aggressive actions as negative	01234 01234 01234 01234
5. Insufficiency in the manifestation of humane feelings	— Does something to spite others — shows indifference to the suffering of others — seeks to hurt another — lack of guilt after aggressive reactions	01234 01234 01234 01234
6. Reaction to new environment and restrictions	— Unaccustomed environment does not inhibit manifestations of aggression — an unusual, unfamiliar environment provokes aggression — in a situation of limited activity shows aggressiveness — resists when trying to restrict aggressive actions	01234 01234 01234 01234
7. Reactivity sensitivity to the aggression of others	— Reacts with aggression to aggressive manifestations of others — exhibits verbal aggressive reactions in response to verbal aggression from others — exhibits physical aggressive reactions in response to verbal aggression from others — provokes aggression	01234 01234 01234 01234
8. Display of aggression in the presence of others	— Shows aggression one on one — shows aggression in the presence of other peers — shows aggression in the presence of adults — the situation of joint activity provokes the manifestation of aggression	01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4 01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4
9. Manifestation of physical aggression directed on the subject	— Breaks, spoils the enemy's belongings in a quarrel — spoils his things in a state of irritation, anger — in a state of irritation, anger spoils those things that come to hand — spoils things regardless of the state and situation	01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4 01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4
10. Manifestation of aggression directed at others children	— Shows aggression towards others in a state of irritation, anger — shows aggressive reactions to accidental actions of others (touched, pushed, etc.) — — bully, provokes aggression	01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4 01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4
11. Manifestation of aggression, aimed at adults	— Shows aggression towards parents — shows aggression towards other people's adults — shows aggression towards others in a state of irritation, anger — shows aggressive reactions to accidental actions of others (touched, pushed etc.) — shows aggression towards others for no apparent reason	01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4 01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4
12. Manifestation of aggression, self-directed	— Self-harm in a state of irritation, anger (hits the wall with his fist, bangs his head) — hurts himself after reacting aggressively towards others — asks for damages as punishment — self-harm for no apparent reason	01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4 01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4
13. Display of aggression, aimed at animals	— Forcibly catches animals — damages animals in a state of irritation, anger — harms animals for no apparent reason — kills animals	01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4 01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4
14. Manifestations of verbal aggression	— Speaks hurtful words to children — speaks hurtful words to adults — speaks obscene words to children — speaks obscene words to adults	01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4 01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4
15. Manifestations of physical aggression	— Swings — pinching, pulling hair — hits with hand — kicks	01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4 01 2 3 4 0 1 2 3 4

According to this scheme, the observer is invited to record the frequency of the child's behavioral acts in accordance with 15 indicators of the manifestation of aggressiveness:

0 - never appears,

1 - sometimes observed

2 - observed quite often,

3 - appears almost always,

4 - observed constantly.

The total score for the frequency of observability determines the level of aggressiveness:

1st level (from 0 to 65 points) indicates that the child's behavior allows us to speak about the absence of a tendency to consolidate situational-personal reactions of aggression as pathocharacterological; most likely, the child is able to independently master his own aggressiveness.

2nd level (from 66 to 130 points) speaks of the danger of fixing aggressive reactions as pathocharacterological, most likely, the child needs help in mastering his own destructive behavior.

3rd level (from 131 to 195 points) characterizes the child's behavior as pathological, which implies the provision of significant psychological and pedagogical assistance to the child in mastering aggressiveness as a disorder of behavior and emotions.

4th level (from 196 to 240 points) - most likely, evidence of serious pathocharacterological changes in the child's personality that require medical intervention.

Parents' meeting on the topic: "Children's aggressiveness".

Goal: to acquaint parents with the concept of "children's aggressiveness", which means aggressive behavior, in which cases aggression can occur. Talk about the types of aggressiveness and its prevention.

Meeting progress

Childhood aggressiveness - this is an uncivilized output of energy storage in order to obtain discharge.

Aggressive behavior manifests itself when a child screams, fights, bites, kicks, takes toys, stomps his feet, swings at adults, squeals, scolds, tears books, etc.

What does this behavior mean and where does it come from?

Aggressiveness in children is an absolutely normal and even necessary manifestation of a child's behavior, which is expressed in violation of the rules established by adults, and is accompanied by a loud protest. Children react differently to our prohibitions and prescriptions. Some - calmly, while others - react with such behavior, which we perceive as aggressive.

Practical researchers have proved that criminals or authoritarian historical personalities (for example, Stalin, Hitler) were not aggressive children in childhood, on the contrary, they were more humiliated and depressed children. After all, it is known that a person humiliated to the ground saves his balance only by humiliating others.

Every person is naturally given aggressive energy. However, people use it in different ways. Some - to create, and such energy is called constructive. Others - in order to destroy or destroy, their energy is destructive.

Constructive aggression is activity, striving for achievements, protecting oneself and others, gaining freedom and independence, protecting one's own dignity. Destructive aggression is violence, cruelty, hatred, ill will, anger, picky, anger, irritation, stubbornness.)

Conquering a peak, a stormy river, space, solving a scientific problem is a useful, kind, direction of energy necessary for progress.

Life is full of disappointments, and disappointments cause protest, rage. And if it is not possible to develop any strategy for overcoming these feelings, then suppressed aggressive drives find a neurotic outlet from psychosomatic diseases (stomach ulcer, liver disease, etc.) to obvious mental disorders. We, adults, can independently manage our energy, and children need help, direct their energy in the right direction.

During a certain period of childhood (2-5 years), children are characterized by aggressiveness, because childhood life is full of frustrations caused by deprivation and limitations that become traumatic for the child.

So, already at an early age, aggressiveness is inherent in the child. By crying, he expresses anger and indignation, demanding the satisfaction of his own physiological needs.

The child does not suddenly become aggressive. He cannot be good-boy or good-girl and immediately start screaming and fighting with his peers. This process takes place gradually. Up to a certain point, the child expresses his needs in a milder form, but adults do not pay attention to this until they encounter obvious violations of behavior, which is perceived as aggressive. In reality, this is a desperate attempt to satisfy their needs, to restore an emotional state. It's just that the child is currently not able to express his feelings in another way, because he fights for survival in the world around him.

Aggression can occur:

1. As a last resort when the child has no other means to meet his needs. As a way out of the energy that overflowed the child (the child needs to run, jump, but he is not allowed. He begins to kick the ball, and in his absence - his neighbor).

2. As a "learned" behavior, when a child behaves aggressively, following a pattern (parents, cartoon character, etc.).

3. Aggressiveness and conflict, as a consequence of the selfishness of the child, who is accustomed to attention at home and requires it in the children's team. All means are used, including aggression - conflicts, quarrels, fights. The main thing is to be in the spotlight.

4. Aggression - as a form of protection against feelings of anxiety, insecurity, depression, stress.

Such children run away from the strong, but get into a fight with the weak. The defense of a small aggressor is about attack, this gives him confidence. It is difficult for such a bully to make friends with other children - they try to stay away from him, avoid him.

5. Aggression - in response to emotional hunger, emotional dissatisfaction of the child. If a child is "abandoned", then he takes out his feelings quietly, but very evil, this manifests itself: in gluttony, mockery of other people, animals, sneaking, hurting others, insulting with abuse.

In kindergarten, we are obliged to prohibit the manifestation of open aggressiveness, because we are responsible for the safety of children.

It is necessary to teach your child to communicate with other children without conflict.

Yes, we are obliged to establish rules and prohibitions and not be indignant that children are protesting against them and trying to fight them. It's okay if everything happens within a certain framework.

If the child is angry, and the reason is your prohibition, then do not blame him for it. Leave the ban in force, but at the same time sympathize, console him, if possible, offer some kind of compromise.

It is important for adults to understand that in a state of anger and irritation, no conflict situations with children cannot be “resolved”.

There are several types of aggression. But we will focus on the two most common in preschool age. This is physical and verbal (verbal) aggression.

Physical aggressiveness manifests itself in children quite often and immediately attracts the attention of adults. The child, who was only slightly hit, begins to scream like a cut, whimper, begs for consolation. The "offender" has the ability to lie a little. Both are bad. In such a situation, it is necessary to separate the children from each other in different directions and begin to understand what happened only after the children calm down. Thus it is necessary to calm down the "offended", hug him, pat him on the head and say: "Do not be upset, he did not want to hurt you." It is necessary to talk with the "offender" not so much in a "abusive" manner as constructively: there is a problem, it must be solved. The child needs to establish a rule: “You can't beat. If you are angry, you want to hit, step aside. You can tell an adult about it ”, ie we teach the child to recognize his feelings, to recognize them, to express them in words and not with fists. Be sure to praise your child every time he manages to resolve the conflict without resorting to aggression.

Do you think it is necessary to respond to aggression with aggression?

It is bad when adults respond to aggression with aggressiveness. First of all, they themselves induce children to new aggression, and the child perceives the remarks "Come and give change" as a direct guide to action, go and beat.

Verbal (verbal) aggressiveness - this is an expression of negative feelings not only through forms (quarrel, screaming, screeching), but also through the content of verbal responses (threat, curses, swearing).

Almost all children sooner or later begin to use swear words in speech. However, this is not a cause for concern.

Children tend to listen to what adults say, who often do not notice how they behave. Some parents teach their child certain expressions themselves. The child learns individual words from playmates. And the fact that these words shock adults is a good reason for the child to repeat them again. And when they want to annoy their parents, they discover new weapons of aggression.

It also happens that a child pronounces a word without knowing its meaning. What should we do in this case?

It would be most correct to say that this is a bad word and should not be said.

The child will be disappointed in swearing if he does not see the desired result. Sometimes it is necessary to reprimand the child if he knows that this is a swear word: a harsh, disapproving "Enough" works better than prolonged moralizing. It is also best not to draw the attention of others to foul language and not provide the attention of the audience. If offensive words are directed at adults, then you should not pay attention to them and take them to heart. You just need to ignore a child who offends people. Sometimes you have to firmly say: "I like you, but now, what you say, I do not like."

Often behind verbal aggression is a desire to feel strong and meaningful. We cannot protect children from swear words, but it is our task to influence them.

Prevention of aggressiveness.

It is impossible to prevent the emergence of aggressiveness, but it can be overcome. A good method is to talk about aggressiveness, when the child can talk about his feelings, when he finds the right words for them, when he sees that he is understood and not judged for his own feelings. "How do you feel today?" is the best remedy for overcoming passions.

We must develop in children the ability to discuss their own feelings and character traits, crowding out aggressive feelings. The more a child is confident in himself, the less often he will experience anger, envy, the less egoism will remain in him. Take a big part in your child's life, let him feel loved and wanted.

Prepared by Anastasia Alexandrovna Nikolaeva.

Natalia Sedelnikova
Parents' meeting "Aggressiveness of children"

Good evening, dear parents!

We would like to devote our meeting to a conversation about the problem of children's aggressiveness. And this conversation is not accidental. Today we are faced with a rampant aggression not only in society, but we also observe the propaganda of aggression and violence from television and computer screens. There is so much negative in the modern world. And all this is often directly reflected in children. Intractable, impatient, aggressive, they become hostages of the conditions in which they grow and develop.

What is the reason for this, how to deal with manifestations of childish aggression? Let's try to discuss these issues. To begin with, it is important to know that aggressiveness is a violation of the child's behavior, and not a symptom of mental illness. It must be remembered that some difficulties in the behavior of children are of an age nature and are associated with the experience of one of the developmental crises (1 year, 3 and 7 years). And these periods in a child's life, despite all the complexity, testify to the normal course of the process of mental development of a preschooler.

Aggressiveness Is behavior that harms an object, person, or group of people.

Types of aggressive behavior according to the form of manifestation:

1.physical aggression (attack) - using physical force against another person or object

2.verbal aggression - the expression of negative feelings both through the form (quarrel, shouting, screeching, and through the content of verbal reactions (threat, curses, swearing);

3. Object aggression - breaks down its aggressiveness on surrounding objects.

Aggressiveness is also expressed directly and indirectly:

direct aggression- directly directed against any object or subject

indirect aggression - actions that are indirectly directed at another person (malicious gossip, jokes, and actions characterized by non-directionality and disorder (outbursts of rage, manifested in screaming, stamping feet, punching on the table)

Causes of aggressive behaviors the child may have different:

Family scandals

Use of physical force during family quarrels (fights)

Rough, child abuse

Involving him to attend (watch) violent sports: boxing, fights without rules, etc.

Watching action movies, scenes of violence in both feature films and cartoons

Approval of aggressive behavior as a way of resolving a conflict, a problem: "And you hit him too", "And you break it", "What can you not take away!"

Upbringing in the family plays a huge role in the development of certain qualities of a child, and from the first days of a child's life.

The behavior of parents with the child and with each other is the very first and most significant model for the child. Often, in anger, a child can respond to an adult with his own words and actions.

Characteristic features of a child's aggressive behavior.

Refuses collective play.

Doesn't understand the feelings and experiences of other children.

Often quarrels with adults.

Creates conflict situations.

Shifts the blame to others.

Fussy.

Cannot adequately assess his behavior.

Has muscular tension.

Often deliberately irritating to adults.

Sleeps little and restlessly

We suggest determining the level of aggressiveness of your child.

QUESTIONNAIRE for parents "How aggressive is your child?"

Criteria for assessing a child's aggressiveness

1. At times it seems that an evil spirit has entered him.

2. He cannot remain silent when he is dissatisfied with something.

3. When someone hurts him, he always tries to repay, to give change to the offender.

4. Sometimes he wants to swear for no reason.

5. It happens that he breaks toys with pleasure, breaks something, gut.

6. Sometimes he insists on something so that others lose patience.

7. He doesn't mind teasing animals.

8. It's hard to argue with him.

9. Very angry when he thinks that someone is making fun of him.

10. Sometimes he has a desire to do something bad, shocking others

11. In response to ordinary orders, tends to do the opposite.

12. He is often grumpy not for his age.

13. Refuses to follow the rules.

14. Likes to be the first, to command, to subjugate others.

15. Failures cause him strong irritation, a desire to find the culprit.

16. Quarrels easily, gets into a fight.

17. Does not understand the feelings and experiences of other children.

18. Often deliberately irritates adults, argues, swears with adults.

19. Does not consider peers, does not concede, does not share.

20. Excessively mobile.

A positive answer to each proposed statement is worth 1 point.

RESULTS:

High aggressiveness - 15-20 points.

Average aggressiveness - 7-14 points.

Low aggressiveness - 1-6 points.

Means of preventing and overcoming aggressive behavior of children.

How can you vent your anger? There are many ways ...

1. Sing your favorite song out loud.

2. Blow bubbles.

3. Water the flowers.

4. Throw the ball against the wall.

5. Rub plasticine into cardboard or paper

7. Well removes aggressiveness water. Arrange water games.

Aggressive children have high levels of muscle tension. It is especially high in the arms, face, neck, shoulders, chest and abdomen. These children need muscle relaxation. Relaxation exercises are best done with calm music. This makes the child more calm, balanced, and also allows the child to better understand, realize the feeling of his own anger. Examples include the following exercises.

Blow out the candle

Inhale deeply, drawing as much air into your lungs as possible. Then, stretching out your lips with a tube, exhale slowly, as if blowing on a candle, while pronouncing the sound "y" for a long time.

Lazy kitty

Raise your arms up, then stretch forward, stretch like a kitty. Feel how the body stretches. Then sharply lower your hands down, uttering the sound "a".

Mill.

Children describe large circles with their hands, making swinging movements forward and upward. After an energetic push, the arms and shoulders are released from all tension, freely take off, circle and passively fall. The movements are performed several times in a row at a fairly fast pace. Make sure that children do not have clamps in their shoulders, in which the correct circular movement is disturbed in the hands.

Games for aggressive children

"HOUR OF SILENCE" AND HOUR "MAYBE"

Agree with your child that sometimes, when you are tired and want to rest, there will be an hour of silence in the house. The child should behave quietly, play calmly, draw, design. But sometimes you will have an "okay" hour when the child is allowed to do almost everything: jump, scream, take mom's outfits and dad's tools, hug and hang on parents, etc.

LITTLE GHOST

TARGET: Teach to pour out the accumulated anger

Guys, now we are going to play the role of good little ghosts. We wanted to play a little hooligan and scare each other a little. According to my clap, you will make this movement with your hands (raise your arms bent at the elbows, spread your fingers) and utter the sound "U" in a terrible voice. If I clap softly, you will quietly pronounce "U" if it is loud and loud. But remember that we are kind ghosts and want to joke a little.

"Affectionate paws"

Goal: relieving stress, reducing aggressiveness, developing sensory perception, an adult picks up 6-7 small objects of various textures: a piece of fur, a tassel, a glass bottle, beads, cotton wool, etc. All this is laid out on the table. The child is invited to bare his arm to the elbow; the teacher explains that the "animal" will walk on the hand and touch it with tender paws. It is necessary with closed eyes to guess which "animal" touched the hand - to guess the object. The touch should be stroking, pleasant. 4.

Scraps in the back streets.

To cope with unmotivated aggression and other consequences of nervous overstrain, ordinary paper will help the child. Invite your baby to break the album sheet into small pieces, then another one. Now give the crumb a piece of cardboard. It is quite possible that, having coped with this task, the child, without noticing it, will calm down. It's time to invite your baby to play with the sweeper and collect the results of his activities in a bag or bucket. You can arrange a competition by dividing the littered area into lots, the winner is the one who cleaned up their territory cleaner and faster.

"Talking with hands"

Goal: teach children to control their actions.

If the child got into a fight, broke something, or hurt someone, you can offer him this game: circle the silhouette of palms on a piece of paper. Then invite him to revive his palms - draw their eyes, a mouth, paint their fingers with colored pencils. After that, you can start a conversation with your hands.

Game "Magic Bag"

Goal: removal of negative emotional states, verbal aggression.

If there is a child in your group who shows verbal aggression (often calls other children names, invite him to go to a corner before entering the group and leave all the "bad" words in a magic bag (a small bag with ties). You can even shout into the bag. , as the child speaks out, tie the bag with him and hide.

"CAM"

Give your child a small toy or candy and ask him to squeeze the fist tightly. Let him hold the fist clenched, and when he opens it, the hand will relax, and there will be a beautiful toy on his palm.

Exercise helps shift aggression and muscle relaxation.

Our next meeting is coming to an end. I would like it to be useful to you, to cause thoughts, a desire to build relationships in your family in a new way. Listen "Golden" rules of educationwhich I hope will help you in raising your child:

1. Learn to listen and hear your child.

2. Try to make sure that only you release his emotional stress.

3. Do not forbid children to express negative emotions.

4. Learn to accept and love him as he is.

5. The aggressiveness of the family leads to the aggressive behavior of the child.

And we also want to offer you reminders that indicate moments that will help you eliminate aggression from your child.

Memo for parents

Do not give your child unrealizable promises, do not instill unrealizable hopes in his soul.

Do not impose any conditions on your child.

Be tactful in the manifestation of measures to influence the child.

Don't punish your child for what you allow yourself to do.

Do not change your requirements in relation to the child for the sake of something.

Do not blackmail your child with your relationship with each other.

Don't make your relationship with your child dependent on his or her success

Remember that a child is an opportunity embodied! Take advantage of it so that this opportunity is fully realized!

Kozhevina Angelina Vasilievna

Parent meeting on the topic “How to deal with an aggressive child? The reasons for childish aggression ".

Aims and objectives of the meeting:

• the formation of parents' ability to identify the reasons for the aggressiveness of children;
• to acquaint with the methods of its correction and their behavior in relations with a child in conflict situations;
• to form in parents a culture of understanding the problem of child aggression and ways to overcome it;
• outline the ways of cooperation between the teacher and parents in the prevention of child aggression.

Aggressiveness is a personality trait consisting in the willingness and preference to use violent means to achieve their goals. Probably, a harmoniously developed personality should have a certain degree of aggressiveness. The needs of individual development in social practice should form in people the ability to remove obstacles, and sometimes to physically overcome that which opposes this process. The complete absence of aggressiveness leads to compliance, to defend an active life position. At the same time, the excessive development of aggressiveness by the type of accentuation begins to determine the entire appearance of the personality, turns it into a conflict, incapable of social cooperation, and in its extreme expression is a pathology (social and clinical), aggression loses its rational-selective orientation and becomes a habitual way of behavior, manifested in unjustified hostility, malice, cruelty, negativism.

The increased aggressiveness of children is one of the most acute problems not only for doctors, teachers and psychologists, but also for society as a whole. The relevance of the topic is undoubted, since the number of children with such behavior is growing rapidly.

The topic is not accidental, since aggression is shown not only by adolescents and adults, but also by our kids - younger schoolchildren.

What is the reason for this? How to deal with the manifestation of child aggression? And how can we adults help children overcome it? We will try to find an answer to these and other questions today.

At birth, a child has only two ways of reacting - pleasure and displeasure. When a child is full, nothing hurts, the diapers are dry, then he experiences positive emotions, which are manifested in the form of a smile, contented humming, calm and serene sleep.

If the child experiences discomfort for any reason, then he shows his dissatisfaction by crying, screaming, kicking. With age, the child begins to show his protest reactions in the form of destructive actions aimed at other people (offenders) or things valuable to them.

Aggression is inherent in every person to one degree or another, since it is an instinctive form of behavior, the main goal of which is self-defense and survival in the world. But humans, unlike animals, learn with age to transform their natural aggressive instincts into socially acceptable ways of responding.

As a rule, we adults know how to restrain anger, but our kids do not yet know how to control their feelings.

Over time, aggression can gain a foothold in such personality traits as callousness, acrimony, hot temper, so it is necessary to organize help for the child as early as possible.

Express questionnaire:

To determine the relevance of the topic of today's meeting for you and your child personally, I propose to answer the questions of the express questionnaire.

Child in the last year:

1. Often loses control of himself.
2. Often argues, swears with adults.
3. Often refuses to follow the rules.
4. Often deliberately annoying people.
5. He often blames others for his mistakes.
6. Often angry, refusing to do anything.
7. Often envious, revengeful.
8. He is sensitive, reacts very quickly to various actions of others, which often annoy him.

If you noted at least four signs, then the child is aggressive. I think that to one degree or another this applies to every child.

As you can see from the questions of the express questionnaire, aggression can manifest itself not only in fights. Let us, dear parents, figure out how aggression can manifest itself.

It is important to emphasize here that in no case should adults suppress aggression in their children, since aggression is a necessary and natural feeling for a person. The prohibition or forceful suppression of aggressive impulses of the child can very often lead to autoaggression (i.e. harm will be done to oneself) or turn into a psychosomatic disorder.

It is important for parents to teach their child not to suppress, but to control their aggression; defend their rights and interests, as well as defend themselves in a socially acceptable way, without prejudice to the interests of other people and without harming them. To do this, it is necessary, first of all, to deal with the main causes of aggressive behavior.

Reasons for childish aggression:

1. Family "reasons

2. Personal "reasons

3. Situational reasons

4. Type of temperament and personality traits

5. Socio-biological reasons.

1a. Parents' rejection of children:

This is one of the basic reasons for aggressiveness, and by the way, not only for children. Statistics confirm this fact: often attacks of aggressiveness are manifested in unwanted children. Some parents are not ready to have a child, but it is undesirable to have an abortion for medical reasons, and the child is still born. Although the parents may not tell him directly that he was not expected or wanted, he is well aware of this, as he "reads" information from their gestures and intonation. Such children try by any means to prove that they have a right to exist, that they are good. They try to win the parental love they need, and they tend to do it quite aggressively.

Parental indifference or hostility.

It is very difficult for children whose parents are indifferent, or even hostile towards them.

Sergei N. has a different fate and other problems. His parents divorced, and also on the initiative of his father. The mother loves her son, this is a welcome child. Sergei is already eight, he never saw his father and did not communicate with him. But every day he becomes more and more like his father - and their gestures and gait are almost the same. And the mother would so much like to forget about the person who betrayed her! And therefore, she involuntarily begins to get irritated every time she sees her father in her son. To questions from outsiders, Sergei invariably answers that he does not have a father. If they continue to ask, they may flare up and cut off: "The man who abandoned me and my mother is a scoundrel. Therefore, I have no father." But Sergey's aggressiveness is also directed at his mother, with whom he often swears, defies her.

1b. Breaking emotional bonds in the family:

The destruction of positive emotional bonds both between the parents and the child and between the parents themselves can lead to an increased aggressiveness of the child. When spouses coexist in constant quarrels, life in their family is like life on a dormant volcano, the eruption of which can be expected at any minute. Life in such a family becomes a real challenge for a child. Especially if parents use it as an argument in an argument among themselves. Often, to the best of his ability, the child tries to reconcile the parents, but as a result, he himself may fall under the hot hand.

In the end, the child either lives in constant tension, suffering from instability in the house and the conflict between the two people closest to him, or hardens his soul and gains experience in using the situation for his own purposes in order to extract as much benefit from it as possible for himself. Often, such children grow up to be excellent manipulators, believing that the whole world owes them. Accordingly, any situation in which they themselves have to do something for the world or sacrifice something is perceived by them with hostility and causes sharp manifestations of aggressive behavior.

1c. Disrespect for the personality of the child:

Aggressive reactions can be caused by incorrect and tactless criticism, insulting and derogatory remarks - in general, everything that can arouse not only anger, but also outright rage in an adult, not to mention a child. Disrespect for the personality of a child and disdain, expressed in public, gives rise to deep and serious complexes in him, causes self-doubt and self-doubt.

1d. Excessive control or lack of it:

Excessive control over the behavior of a child (overprotection) and his own excessive control over himself is no less harmful than the complete absence of such (hypocrucial). Suppressed anger, like a genie from a bottle, at some point will surely burst out. And its consequences, from the point of view of an outside observer, will be the more terrible and inadequate, the longer it has been accumulating. One of the reasons for the suppressed aggression for the time being is the cruel nature of the mother or father. Cruel, overbearing parents strive to control their child in everything, suppressing his will, not allowing any manifestation of his personal initiative and not giving him the opportunity to be himself. They cause in the child not so much love as fear. It is especially dangerous if moral isolation, deprivation of parental love, is practiced as a punishment. The result of such upbringing will be the aggressive behavior of the "oppressed" child directed at others (children and adults). His aggression is a veiled protest against the existing state of affairs, a child's rejection of a situation of submission, an expression of disagreement with prohibitions. The child tries to defend himself, to defend his "I", and he chooses an attack as a form of defense. He looks at the world warily, does not trust him and defends himself even when no one even thinks to attack him.

1d. Excess or lack of parental attention:

When a child is given excessive attention in the family, he becomes spoiled and gets used to the fact that his whims are always indulged. This often happens in families where, as they say, "both mothers and nannies." Parents from the cradle teach the baby to the idea that he is a heavenly creature that everyone is ready to serve. Just woke up - here are your slippers so that your feet don't get cold, just reached for the toy - hold it, we'll put it in your hand. The parents' desire to please the baby and to anticipate his every desire turns against them. If the parents do not fulfill the next whim of such a child, they receive a burst of aggression in response. They didn’t buy me a toy - I’ll fall to the floor and yell at you until you turn blue, they didn’t let me play with my father’s knife, I’ll cut your curtains with scissors.

The diametrical nature of the emergence of aggression is in children of eternally busy parents. Their aggression is a way to attract to themselves any, even negative manifestations of parental attention, which children so need. They act according to the principle: "it is better to let him reprimand than not notice."

The "adult" perception of the world is very different from that of children. What seems to us a trifle may seem to our child a catastrophe of a universal scale. We adults sometimes laugh at what is happening in children's souls, do not believe them, we believe that they are pretending or indulging.

It often happens that we do not pay attention to the suffering of children, to the real heartache, but at the same time we attach great importance to what seems to them to be trifles. As a result, the child may have a feeling, or even a belief, that adults are completely unable to understand him. Not able to understand means that they are not able to help either. The atmosphere of loneliness and hopelessness thickens around the child, he feels scared, insecure and helpless. And as a result - inadequate, aggressive reactions.

Often outbursts of aggressive behavior in a child are directly provoked by the attitudes or prohibitions of adults. Imagine that a lively and active child spent the day with a strict nanny. His behavior was tightly controlled, and attempts to play noisy outdoor games were suppressed. If the child all day did not have the opportunity to openly show his emotions, both positive and negative, could not be physically discharged, then you, dear parents, have to observe the discharge, and not Freken Bock, who retired home. His aggression will be due to the accumulated surplus of energy, which, as you know, does not have the ability to disappear without a trace.

And if we consider that you came home after a hard day at work and, perhaps, not in the most rosy mood, all that remains is to sympathize with you and take advantage of Carlson's immortal advice: "Calm, only calm." Because if you try to put your child to attention, he will most likely become not only aggressive, but also completely uncontrollable, and the matter will end in uncontrollable prolonged hysteria. After all, you have infringed on the main law of the child's behavior: his energy must necessarily find a way out. Therefore, it is absolutely necessary for active children to attend kindergarten, where they can run around and play enough without fear of the manifestation of emotions. And then at home your wayward child will be a quiet angel.

In kindergarten, an active child is often the object of complaints from other children, their parents and caregivers. Do not make hasty decisions about punishment, talk to your child, try to find out the true reason for his aggressive behavior. It is quite possible that someone surreptitiously offends your child, but he still does not know how to properly react to the situation, and due to the "violent" temperament fights or breaks toys.

1g. Denial of the right to personal liberty:

As soon as the child begins to realize his "I", he begins to divide the world into "friends" and "aliens", respectively, and the surrounding objects are very clearly divided by him into his own and others. From this moment on, he needs his place under the sun and confidence in the inviolability of everything that belongs to him personally.

If the parents have the opportunity, you need to give the child a separate room or fence off his personal corner in the common room with a wardrobe or a screen. It is important that parents never take the child's things without asking, as his reaction to the violation of external and internal boundaries will most likely be quite violent. Many parents completely mistakenly believe that the child cannot have secrets from them, forgetting that they themselves would hardly like such intervention. The child needs freedom so that he can learn to make his own decisions and be responsible for them. But no less freedom, he needs certain moral norms and boundaries, so that he can build his own internal moral code.

2a. Subconscious anticipation of danger:

Often parents of babies with excessive manifestations of completely unmotivated aggressiveness turn to psychologists with requests for help.

In personal conversations with the parents of these children, some facts common to all cases are revealed. Most often, the mother of the child during pregnancy did not feel sufficient security, was extremely anxious and worried about herself and her unborn child. All these feelings were passed on to the child, and he was born without the basic assurance of the safety of the world. Therefore, he subconsciously waits for an attack all the time, sees potential danger in everything and tries to defend himself from it, as best he can and as best he can. Such a child is able to respond with aggression to an unexpected touch, even the most affectionate and coming from a loved one.

Increased aggressiveness can be a cry for help, sometimes behind which there is genuine grief and real tragedy. Sometimes a child's behavior is dictated by fear. We know from ourselves that a very frightened person in most cases thinks and acts inappropriately to the situation. When a child is scared, he sometimes ceases to understand who is his friend and who is his enemy.

Now that Nikita is two and a half years old, he is horrified as soon as he sees that his mother is going to go somewhere, leaving him with his grandmother or nanny. Therefore, by all means available to him, he tries to keep her at home: scatters toys, clings to his mother's dress so that it is impossible to drag it away, cries hysterically, falls to the floor, beats, hitting him so that bruises remain on his arms and legs. Anyone who tries to drag him away from his mother, Nikita can bite. But the baby becomes even more aggressive when visiting the clinic: he does not allow the doctor to touch himself, tries to knock the instruments out of his hands, fights, bites. At such moments, he can hit anyone who is nearby, even his mother. They call him a difficult aggressive child. But in fact, his behavior is driven by fear, or rather, a whole complex of fears. Nikita is afraid to be left without a mother, as it was in the first days of his life. He is afraid of doctors because he is afraid to experience pain.

To prevent aggressiveness from growing into a character trait, Nikita needs "healing with love." Only thanks to the love, calmness and patience of his parents will Nikita be able to overcome his fears, and he will no longer need aggressive protection.

2b. Uncertainty about your own safety:

When parents are busy with themselves or finding out their own relationships, and the child is left to himself, he may have a lack of confidence in his own safety. He begins to see danger even where there is none, becomes distrustful and suspicious. Family and home do not give him the necessary degree of protection and guarantee of stability. And the result is aggressiveness manifested to the place and out of place, arising either from self-doubt, or from a feeling of fear and expectation of an attack. The child psychologically shrinks into a ball and, dying with fear, waits for a "blow". Is it any wonder he is afraid of an approaching hand? How would he know whether her intention is to stroke or to hit? Moreover, he is always subconsciously tuned in to the bad. Such a child in response to an innocent statement: "Today is bad weather" will answer with a challenge: "So what ?!" If the parent accepts the challenge, both lose. The main thing in such a situation is to convince the child that no one is attacking him and, therefore, he can hide the "thorns" and relax.

2c. Personal negative experience:

Aggressive reaction can be associated with the personality of the child, his character and temperament, or provoked by the facts of the child's personal experience.

Lesha is a boy from a difficult family. The father drinks and occasionally becomes violent. The mother is in irritation and eternal fear. Both parents communicate with their son mainly through shouts and slaps. On the first day of his stay in the junior group of the kindergarten, Lesha hit another child. It would seem completely unmotivated: he approached him with the best intentions, and was just about to hug his new friend, when he suddenly received a strong blow. How could he know that for Lesha, a hand raised next to his face means a threat?

A similar story happened with Misha, a boy from a completely prosperous family, where, it is true, no one was engaged in assault, but they kept him, as they say, "in tight-knit gloves." At home, he heard from all sides only: "no", "don't do", "wrong." The constant complaints of his parents about his stupidity, and the expressed fears that "nothing good will come of him" did not give him confidence. Misha was a developed child, and everything would be fine if he had not been born into a family where mom and grandfather are doctors of science, and dad and grandmother are candidates. All of them quite sincerely tried to educate a "worthy successor of traditions" and therefore made excessive demands on the child. As a result, at home, the boy "walked along the line", but "to the fullest" "came off" in kindergarten: he contradicted adults, threw and broke toys, fought.

2d. Emotional instability:

Emotional instability can be a source of aggression in children 2-6 years old. Until the age of 7, many children are subject to fluctuations in emotions, which adults often call whims. A baby's mood can change due to fatigue or poor health. When the manifestations of irritation or negative emotions by a child are considered unacceptable, and are suppressed in every possible way under the influence of the parenting style adopted in the family, the child's parents may face unmotivated, in their understanding, outbursts of anger. In this case, the child transfers his aggressiveness not to the "offender", but to everything that comes to hand. These can be objects and toys that he will throw and break. Or a plant from which he breaks off the stem or tears off leaves and flowers. Or a little kitten, which he will kick with impunity (if no one has seen). You can also take out the resentment on the weaker: younger brother, sister, or even grandmother. The stricter the rules of conduct established at home, the more aggressive the child's behavior outside the home (or within the walls of the house in the absence of authoritative adults for the child) can be.

2d. Dissatisfaction with yourself:

Another reason for aggressiveness is dissatisfaction with oneself. Often this is not caused by objective reasons, but by the lack of emotional encouragement from the parents, which leads to the fact that children do not learn to love themselves. For a child (as well as for an adult) it is vitally important that he is loved not for something, but simply for the very fact of existence - unmotivated. The cruellest punishment does not harm a child as irreparably as a lack of self-love and encouragement. If a child does not love himself, considers himself unworthy of love, then he does not love others. And therefore, an aggressive attitude towards the world on his part is quite logical.

2e. Increased irritability:

Personal characteristics such as increased irritability, a persistent tendency to take offense even at seemingly neutral statements and actions of other people can also be provocateurs of aggressiveness. A resentful and irritable child may pull a chair out from under another child who accidentally took the place he wanted to sit on. A manifestation of passive aggression can be considered the refusal of a child from lunch, if "his" place was taken at the time when they sat down to eat. If in the general hustle and bustle of the children's group (for example, when all the children dress at the same time for a walk) someone pushes such a child, he may receive a violent blow in return. Children with a similar personality characteristic tend to see deliberate self-harm in all random incidents, and in all negative actions, including their own, blame anyone and anything, but not themselves. Such a child is never guilty of anything. Anyone but him.

2g. Guilt:

Oddly enough, those children in whom conscience does not sleep can show increased aggressiveness. Why? Because they feel guilty and ashamed towards those who have been wronged or harmed. Since both of these feelings are rather unpleasant and do not bring joy, they are often redirected in adults to those to whom they feel these feelings. So, is it any wonder if a child experiences anger and aggression towards the one he offended? An excessive guilt complex leads him into fear and depression, from which it is close to suicide. To learn to cope with situations of guilt, to learn to take responsibility, he will need time and our help and support. And the main thing is our example. If children see that we are able to cope with such situations with dignity, then it will be easier for them to go through the far from easy lessons that life offers.

3a. Feeling unwell, overwork:

Very often, an aggressive reaction is due to the current situation, or its background. If a child sleeps well, feels good, put on his favorite costume and got his favorite sausages for breakfast, he can quite calmly react to a provoking situation. And the next day, his behavior will be openly aggressive. Kindergarten teachers know when and why this happens. Most often, children behave aggressively on those days when they did not get enough sleep, do not feel well, or are offended by something or someone.

3b. Influence of food:

Aggressiveness in a child may be due to nutrition. The relationship between increased anxiety, nervousness and aggression and the consumption of chocolate has been proven. Research is being conducted abroad examining the relationship between the consumption of chips, hamburgers, sweet soda water and increased aggressiveness. Numerous studies have proven the effect of cholesterol in the blood on a person's aggressiveness (including the aggression itself). So, a lowered level of cholesterol is noted in the blood of most suicides and those who have attempted suicide. Low cholesterol levels lead to passive aggressiveness. So do not overly limit the consumption of fat by children, everything is needed in moderation, and the body is often wiser than us.

3c. Influence of noise, vibration, tightness, air temperature:

If it seems to you that your child is showing increased aggressiveness, pay attention to whether he or she has been exposed to factors such as noise, vibration, tightness and high temperatures. It is no secret that hot conflicts most often arise in the heat. And this is not surprising, since heat is stress for our body, especially for northerners who are not used to the heat. Therefore, it is in the heat that we become especially irritable and excitable.

Tightness is another powerful provocateur of our aggressiveness. Who has not happened to "fit" into an unpleasant squabble on a crowded bus or subway? Tightness affects a child no less strongly than it does us adults. It is desirable, therefore, that the child has his own room. If this is not possible, you need to give him his own corner in one of the rooms. The relationship between house noise and aggressiveness is obvious. When we are working, thinking intently about something, or talking on the phone, we want silence. And if at this time children are rattling toys or utter wild screams, like the Indians, then sooner or later we will be overcome by irritation, and we will first ask, and in case of disobedience, we will order them to calm down. Our children react in the same way to unwanted noise. Can they do homework if the TV is on at full volume in the room, or if the parents are sorting out the relationship?

Children living near busy highways, living in homes above subway tunnels or in the immediate vicinity of train tracks, tend to have higher levels of aggressiveness, according to studies.

4a. Type of temperament and character traits as possible reasons for aggressiveness:

What temperament prepares for us?

A certain type of child's temperament can also predispose to aggressive behavior. Each person has one of four types of temperament from birth. Temperament determines the strength and speed of our reactions to life events, the degree of emotionality and nervous excitability of the individual. It is impossible to remake the temperament, but you can learn to use not only its strong, positive, but also weak, negative sides. Melancholic people are least inclined to active aggression. Melancholic people often have nervous breakdowns, they are constantly in a state of emotional stress, any little thing upsets them and unbalances them. For a melancholic child, any situation of competition and any innovation is stressful. Difficult games, especially long ones, tire them out and lead to stress. They tire quickly and require breaks in activities. Such children have increased sensitivity, vulnerability and resentment, suffer from self-doubt, and often cry. At the same time, the reaction to stress in a melancholic is withdrawal into oneself and one's experiences. The melancholic will prefer to retire and suffer in silence. A possible type of aggression for him is passive, when aggression is directed not at others, but at himself, and therefore it is melancholic people who are most prone to suicide.

Not prone to active aggression and phlegmatic. Their nervous system is well balanced, and it is almost impossible to piss them off. Even a phlegmatic person perceives serious problems, remaining outwardly calm. He tolerates difficulties well. The only thing that creates difficulties for him is the need to respond quickly to changing situations.

To achieve aggressive behavior from a phlegmatic person, one must systematically bring him up, like Leopold the cat.

Then, at some point, an internal natural "wild animal" is triggered, and the phlegmatic responds with aggression to aggression. But this is an extremely rare case, almost on the verge of the impossible. Unlike melancholic people, phlegmatic people are not inclined to passive aggressiveness.

Sanguine by nature is not aggressive and most often prefers to solve problem and even conflict situations peacefully. He is cheerful and optimistic, very sociable. A sanguine child loves new faces and new places, he needs change. If a sanguine person is bored, he becomes lethargic and cannot concentrate on what is happening here and now. In a stressful situation, the sanguine person will defend himself actively, but deliberately. A typical sanguine person will first be convinced that a peaceful solution to the problem is ineffective, and only then will he resort to aggression. Aggressive behavior for him will be a conscious need. A sanguine person can be driven into passive aggressiveness by feeling guilty and responsible for his own mistake. Choleric people have a natural tendency to active aggression due to their extreme imbalance, both nervous and emotional. Choleric people are overly irritable, quick-tempered, it is very easy to drive them out of patience. Increased excitability and speed of response lead to the fact that many choleric children tend to do it first and only then think about how to act. If something gets them carried away, they practice extremely intensely, but they quickly get tired and cannot continue. Hence the frequent mood swings, abrupt changes of interests, impatience and inability to wait. Nervous recession and a general breakdown leads to irritation, and therefore choleric people most often enter into conflicts and are most prone to nervous breakdowns.

4b. Character accentuation:

Accentuation refers to individual character traits that stand out in the personality above the average level. For example, someone with a meticulous accentuation of character will strive for excellence in any job, be it a government assignment or washing dishes after dinner. He will check several times before leaving, whether he has turned off the electricity, whether the front door has been locked, etc., etc. Accentuation is in no way a pathology. If a person experiences neuropsychic stress affecting this enhanced character trait, he becomes overly vulnerable. Modern research has proven that the greatest aggressiveness is inherent in children with cycloid, epileptoid and labile character accentuations. Let's decipher the terms:

- "lability" is an incredible speed of the course of nervous processes, a tendency to frequent changes in emotions and impulsivity of actions;

- "cycloid" means a tendency to abrupt changes in mood depending on the external situation;

- "epileptoidy" implies lack of control, pedantry and conflict, a tendency to "get stuck" in a situation.

A child with a labile accentuation of character will be in constant search of new impressions and easily succumb to the influence of others. He does not have his own independent view of things. He does not know how to think independently and even more so to plan actions. On the contrary, it is typical for him to act under the influence of the moment, thoughtlessly and sometimes completely reckless. Such a child will prefer to obey rather than lead, he will never be a ringleader in games with peers. He is gullible and takes everything he is told at face value. If you note that your child is extremely gullible, prone to impulsive actions under the influence of the moment, easily succumbing to the influence of any person who is nearby, is not able to evaluate his actions and gives out violent, but short and superficial emotional reactions, it is highly likely that he has a labile accentuation of character. Such a child can be aggressive out of fear, succumbing to the influence of another person, or out of a desire not to stand out from his group, to be like everyone else. Epileptoid accentuation of character initially presupposes an extreme degree of irritability and an inability to restrain one's emotions at all. In this case, we can no longer talk about aggressive manifestations, but about real aggression. Children with epileptoid accentuation of character from early childhood do not tolerate criticism, are intolerant of the opinions of others. They are quite sure that only they can be right. Therefore, any opinion other than one's own is met with hostility. They are incredibly hot-tempered, swearing under the influence of anger, shouting loudly, squealing, spitting, biting and fighting. However, they have absolutely no control over their actions. In kindergarten and school, they are characterized as impulsive and conflict children. They are difficult to manage because they do not obey their elders; under the influence of impulse they tend to run away from home.

Cycloid character accentuation is characterized by a change in periods of good mood with periods of despondency and depression. Either stormy joy, then no less violent sadness, constant emotional swings - from one extreme to another. If your child is prone to sudden changes in mood depending on the situation, or his mood and state of mind often change for no apparent reason, then he probably has a cycloid accentuation of character. The child's behavior in this case is unpredictable and often contradictory. At the same time, the child cannot achieve emotional balance in any way, which irritates him and predisposes to manifestations of aggression.

5. Socio-biological reasons:

It is quite natural that boys are more likely to show active aggression than girls. According to the stereotypes prevailing in our society, which have been especially strengthened over the past ten to fifteen years, a man should be rude and aggressive, in general, "tough". Non-aggressive children in school are already perceived as rare. Parents have to motivate their children to fight back, because otherwise they simply will not be able to "fit" into a "male society" in which one of the main values \u200b\u200bis the ability to stand up for oneself. Boys are often forced to be aggressive in order not to be "black sheep" and outcasts in a meaningful group for themselves, among classmates or friends from street games.

Increased aggressiveness can also be due to biological, sexual, psychological and social reasons. Often, aggressive reactions of children are due to attitudes, prejudices and the value system of adults who are significant to them. For example, children from families in which the attitude towards people depends on their position on the hierarchical ladder, on a kind of "table of ranks", are able to restrain themselves when they are reprimanded by the teacher, but will be rude to the cleaner, cloakroom attendant or janitor. It's good when the family has financial well-being. But if family members measure everything with money, their children begin to disrespect everyone who earns little. This is manifested in defiant behavior at school, in demonstrative disregard for teachers. Children, especially adolescents, tend to divide all people into "us" and "strangers". Unfortunately, this often leads to open aggression against "outsiders". In the West, there is such a phenomenon as teenage gangs. In our country, this phenomenon has not acquired such a scale, although once there were "fighting battles" on a yard-by-yard scale, and even now established companies can be at enmity with each other. Children, like a sponge, are saturated with everything that can be called "family attitudes". That is why the fact of aggressive behavior of children, caused by racial prejudice or racial hostility, is very disturbing.

The main causes of aggression in children have been sorted out.

Now I need to say a few words about how parents should behave if their children show aggressive behavior or to prevent such undesirable behavior.

And we, adults, under no circumstances should we suppress aggression in our children, since aggression is a necessary and natural feeling for a person. It is important to teach the child not to suppress, but to control his aggression, to defend his rights and interests, as well as to defend himself in a socially acceptable way, without infringing upon the interests of other people or causing them harm. I offer you the following advice from psychologists:

1. parental manifestation of unconditional love for the child is required in any situation.

You should not allow statements like the following: "if you behave like this, then mom and dad will not love you anymore!" You can not insult a child, call him names. It is necessary to show dissatisfaction with the action, the deed, accepting the personality of the child as a whole.

2. If a child asks to play with him, pay attention to him, and you cannot do this at the moment, do not dismiss the baby, moreover, do not be annoyed with him for intrusiveness. It is better to show him that you understand his request and explain why at the moment you cannot fulfill it: “Do you want me to read you a book? Baby, Mom loves you so much, but I'm so tired at work. Please play alone today. ” And one more important point - there is no need to pay off the child with expensive toys, gifts, etc. For him, your direct attention is much more important and necessary.

3. Aggression in utterances The problem of clogging our speech with “profanity” is now being discussed everywhere. We are no longer shocked by TV programs, articles in newspapers and magazines, where swearing slips. Therefore, it is not at all surprising that our children learn about the existence of such words very early. What are our actions in these cases.

a) Explain to the children that people use swear words only as a last resort, when they no longer have enough strength and words out of despair.

b) Watch your own speech yourself.

c) If the child asks about the meaning of this or that word, do not evade the answer. Try to explain to him the meaning of the word in such a way that he himself does not want to use it.

d) If the child caught you on a “bad” word, apologize to him, explain that you could not restrain yourself, and you acted badly. From now on, try to control yourself.

Parents, if they do not want their children to be bullies and bully, must themselves control their own aggressive impulses. We must always remember that children learn the techniques of social interaction, first of all, by observing the behavior of the people around them (first of all, parents).

As I have already mentioned, in no case should a child's manifestation of aggression be suppressed, otherwise suppressed aggressive impulses can cause serious harm to his health.

4. Teach him to express his hostile feelings in a socially acceptable way: in word or in drawing, sculpting or using toys, or actions that are harmless to others in sports.

Translating the child's feelings from action into words will allow him to know what can be said about them, and not necessarily immediately put into the eye. Also, the child will gradually master the language of his feelings and it will be easier for him to tell you that he is offended, upset, angry, etc.

rather than trying to get your attention with your “terrible” behavior. The only thing that cannot be abused in this case is the confidence that an adult knows better what a little one is experiencing. An adult can only assume, based on his own experience, on self-observation, on the observation of others, what the child's behavior means. A child should be an active storyteller about his inner world; an adult only sets such an opportunity and provides the means.

5. If the child is naughty, angry, screaming, rushes at you with fists - hug him, hug him. Gradually he will calm down, come to his senses. Over time, he will need less and less time to calm down. In addition, such hugs perform several important functions: for a child, this means that you are able to withstand his aggression, and, therefore, his aggression can be restrained and he will not destroy what he loves. Later, when he calms down, you can talk to him about his feelings. You should not read lectures during such a conversation, just make it clear that you are ready to listen to him when he feels bad

6. Respect the personality in your child, take his opinion, take seriously his feelings. Provide the child with sufficient freedom and independence for which the child will be responsible. At the same time, show him that if necessary, if he himself asks, we are ready to give advice or help. The child should have his own territory, his own side of life, the entrance to which adults are allowed only with his consent. The opinion of some parents that “their children should not have any secrets from them” is considered erroneous. It is unacceptable to rummage through his things, read letters, eavesdrop on telephone conversations, spy! If the child trusts you, sees you as an older friend and companion, he will tell you everything himself, ask for advice if he considers it necessary.

7. Show your child the ultimate ineffectiveness of aggressive behavior. Explain to him that even if at first he achieves a benefit for himself, for example, takes away from another child the thing he liked, then later none of the children will want to play with him, and he will be left alone. It is unlikely that such a prospect will seduce him. Tell also about such negative consequences of aggressive behavior as inevitability of punishment, return of evil, etc. If you see how your child hit another, first approach his victim. Try to comfort, calm down the offended child. Thus, you deprive your child of the attention, transferring it to a friend. Suddenly, your child notices that the fun is over and he is alone. Usually you need to repeat this 2-3 times - and the fighter will understand that aggressiveness is not in his interests. It is necessary to establish social rules of behavior in a form accessible to the child. For example, “we do not beat anyone, and no one beats us”.

8. Remember to praise your child for their diligence. When the children are responding appropriately, do what you can to reinforce these efforts. Tell them, "I like the way you did it." Children respond better to praise when they see their parents are truly happy with them.

Don't say "Good boy" or "Good girl." Children often do not pay attention to this. Better to say, “You gave me great pleasure when you shared with your little brother instead of fighting him. Now I know I can trust you to look after him. ” Such praise is of great importance to children. It makes them feel like they can make a good impression.

9. It is necessary to talk with the child about his deed without witnesses (class, relatives, other children and adults). In a conversation, try to use fewer emotional words (ashamed, etc.).

10. It is necessary to try to exclude situations that provoke negative behavior of the child.

11. In the fight against aggression, you can resort to the help of fairy tale therapy. When a young child begins to show signs of aggression, write a story with him in which this child will be the main character. Using pictures cut from magazines or pictures of the child himself, create situations in which the child behaves with dignity and deserves praise. Talk to him at a time when the child is calm, not nervous. When a child has an emotional crisis, it is difficult to calm him down.

12. It is necessary to provide an opportunity for the child to receive emotional relaxation in the game, sports, etc. You can have a special “angry pillow” to relieve stress. If the child feels irritated, he can beat this pillow.

Together, on the basis of the material presented, let's analyze several situations and come up with the best solutions:

The parent abruptly suppresses the child: “Stop it! Don't you dare do that! " Spanks and puts in a corner. The parent pretends not to notice the child's aggressive behavior and the child continues to act aggressively. The parent "switches" the child to play that helps to release negative emotions. After the child has calmed down, explains why it is wrong to behave this way. Let's speculate which variant of the adult's reaction to the child's wrong behavior would be the most optimal.

In the first case, despite the fact that the child has stopped his “criminal” actions at the moment, he will definitely throw out his negative emotions in another place or at another time. In the second case, the child decides that he is acting correctly and aggressive forms of behavior are fixed in a character trait. And only in the third case, the child learns to analyze various situations and takes an example from his tactful parents.

How can we adults learn to manage our feelings of anger? I offer you several methods:

Stop words. When you feel that you are now reaching a boiling point, mentally say to yourself "STOP!", It is even better to shout "STOOOOP!" You can use any word, as long as it stops you from immediately reacting.

Then wait at least 10 seconds. During this time, you will be able to calm down even more and make a decision on the current situation.

Take a series of deep breaths. This will help restore breathing and rhythm of the heart. Let off steam, in simple terms.

Use humor. Imagine the subject of irritation in a funny way (in funny clothes, caricature, etc.) This will bring a smile and immediately relieve the feeling of anger.

I want to distribute reminders to you:

1. "How to behave with an aggressive child":

• The first step is to find all the pain points in the family.
• Normalize family relationships.
• Eliminate all aggressive forms of behavior among loved ones, remembering that the child, imitating, sees everything.
• Accept him for who he is and love with all the flaws.
• Something, requiring the child to take into account his capabilities, and not how you would like to see it.
• Try to extinguish the conflict in the bud by directing the child's interest in a different direction.
• Teach him to communicate with peers.
• When a child is pugnacious, the main thing is not to explain, but to prevent the blow.
• Remember that even a word can hurt a child.
• Understand the child.

2. "How parents shouldn't behave with an aggressive child":

• Constantly instill in him that he is bad.
• To drive the child into a corner by inflexible educational measures, hardening him.
• Use aggressive parenting and punishment methods (spanking, angle, belt). Remember that aggressiveness is a consequence of hostility, and educational activities are not weapons of battle.
• Allow your child to even purposely shoot adults with a toy pistol.
• Not to love him or to love only with “evaluative” love.
• Summing up the results of our conversation, you can make the following decision:
• Observe the emotional state of your child in a variety of settings.
• Make a mindset for positive emotions.
• Follow family rules for coping with child aggression.
• Discuss with family members about choosing TV programs for children to watch.
• When discussing children's conflicts at home, teach the child to analyze his own behavior.

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