To keep or return a person, you need to let him go. A simple way to let someone go from your thoughts. Advice from a psychologist: Should you let go of the person you love?

Our feelings are not always mutual. Or love can bring more suffering than joy. If you are caged by your own experiences, The best decision– understand how to let a person go from your thoughts.

This will bring you long-awaited relief and wonderful opportunities for a new life. The best way to help with this is the advice of a psychologist, which will be discussed step by step in this article.

Many people confuse the concepts of “letting go” and “forgetting” or “falling out of love” completely. The easiest way to understand this is to think about the literal meaning of “letting go.”

For example, a little girl was bought balloon. She was very happy with him and played with him for a long time. But soon she wanted to play with other toys. So she took the thread and let it go. The ball flew into the sky and became free.

In the same way, a person fixated on a burdensome relationship needs to switch to something else. But this does not mean that at this stage he will not remember about his loved one and will completely forget about him.

Letting go means stopping interfering in your personal life, trying to control and being aware of everything.
Start living your own life, without looking at the person you are thinking about
Enjoy freedom
Be ready for new love
Understand the lessons of the past
Forgive yourself and your loved one
Find harmony and joy from every new day

Why is this even necessary?

There is a category of people who do not understand why they should abandon a person. They firmly believe that with the necessary persistence and ingenuity, they can achieve reciprocity. To put it bluntly, force yourself to love. But this is a big mistake.

Let's say a person likes pineapples. But he is indifferent to pears or cannot tolerate them at all. And no matter how much you pretend that you are a pineapple, you will not stop being a pear. That's how the circumstances turned out.

But there are many people who, on the contrary, prefer pears to other fruits. So maybe it’s worth considering other options and finding a more suitable one?

Disadvantages of trying to hold on tighter to someone who is “not your own”:

No matter what actions you take, you will not be able to influence a person so that he will reciprocate.
Instead of the happiness you deserve, you only see self-pity, resentment, and dissatisfaction.
You are only prolonging your suffering. In the end, you won't be together anyway.
Because of constant encroachments, a person will begin to show disrespect for you and become irritated. You will be forced to humiliate yourself all the time.
As a result of such persecution, you will get upset nerves and a predisposition to depression.
You will lose interest in your own life, your goals and aspirations. If you continue in the same spirit, then dismissal from work, expulsion from the institute and other troubles are not far off.

Will this make you feel better?

Psychologist's advice: Relationships are what give us positive emotions, not what destroys us. You, like every living being, are worthy of love. You don’t have to go out of your way to please, or change your principles. A lot of people will appreciate you without it.

Why don’t you let go of thoughts about a person?

If you can’t forget someone, it means that person was very important to you. Your feelings for him are very strong, so your thoughts always return to him. Or the object caused you a lot of insults and disappointments. And now you have negative feelings towards him or even a desire for revenge for everything he caused to you. In any case, you should abandon unnecessary thoughts as quickly as possible. So that they don’t lie like a dead weight in your soul.

Case from practice:

Irina’s story: “For a very long time, thoughts about my former, beloved husband haunted me. We were together for 6 years, legally married for 3 years. The separation turned out to be very quick and unexpected. In just a month, his attitude changed a lot. All my attempts to please were in vain.

After which he left without really explaining anything. For 1.5 years I waited for him to return and say that he was mistaken and ask for forgiveness. But instead, I found out that he married someone else and they were expecting a child. It was a real shock! I realized that I couldn’t handle it on my own.

The feelings never cooled down; I didn’t even want to look at other men. I decided to see a psychologist. I was very pleased with the result. After a few sessions, I became much calmer about the situation and was able to accept it.

Gradually I realized that life goes on and thoughts about my ex left me. Only a psychologist helped me start building new relationships.”

How to erase the person you love from your thoughts?

So, you understand the inevitability and importance of this moment. Congratulations, this means half the way has already been completed!

It will be very useful to be able to thank the person. Parting is not a loss, but a gain. The most important thing in life is experience. And you need to learn from this experience to find your mistakes and not repeat them in the future.

Even if you received only suffering and pain, do not despair. This is an opportunity to grow up, not get too attached to people, and learn to build harmonious relationships.

To say goodbye to a person correctly, it is important to do everything in stages. It is not recommended to skip any of the stages. Otherwise, what you missed will still come up, and the moment will not be the most appropriate.

Give free rein to your emotions. There is no need to try to drown out the negativity. You can cry, scream, get angry, sob. If you feel better after a large portion of ice cream, use this method too. Some people like to write down their experiences on paper.
After you come to your senses a little, move on to analyzing the situation. Let's face it. Do not try to embellish the situation and the person who has left. Write down all the advantages of this relationship in column 1, and all the disadvantages in column 2. And then think again, were they really that good?
Say thank you to your ex-lover for all the good things that happened. Sincerely wish him happiness.
Now there is no need to look for the guilty and engage in soul-searching. It will be easier to think through everything when you calm down completely.
Carry out a suspension. Throw away or put away all gifts and photographs that remind you of the past. Don't get carried away by melodramas and music about unhappy love. Change your phone number so you don't have to wait for a call. In short, delete the past.
Change your appearance. This also helps to psychologically tune in to new life. Change your hairstyle, wardrobe. Take up exercise at the gym. Even if not excess weight, tightening up your figure never hurts. Plus, it boosts self-confidence well.
Think about how you could fill the emptiness within yourself. Something nice and interesting. A new activity, a pet, a book about relationships and personal growth. Don't isolate yourself, communicate more. If you can afford it, it's good to go traveling.
Learn to enjoy life again. Rejoice pleasant little things. Make your wishes come true.
Plan your future life. The wish map stimulates well in this.
Now you can analyze the past with a cold mind. Reflect on mistakes and lessons learned.

After all the stages you will definitely feel renewed. And your pain will pass.

Different cases require different amounts of time for the entire process. From a month to a year. But the sooner you take this path, the sooner you can free yourself from the burden.

Important tip: Don't wallow in self-pity. Don't worry about how unhappy your fate is. How lonely you are. It is better to remember in difficult moments about those who are even worse. About orphans, disabled people, lonely old people.

Better yet, think about how you can help them alleviate their suffering. And then you will forget about your own pain.

Useful meditation

When you have to part with your loved one, thoughts naturally arise that you will never be able to love again. I just don't want to experience the same pain again.

But you don’t need to cultivate this opinion in yourself. After all, without love, life is boring and insipid. Instead, try a great meditation to help you regain a healthy attitude towards love.

When you are alone and no one will disturb you, dim the lights and sit in a comfortable position.
Concentrate and close your eyes. Consider where your capacity for love may lie.
When you find the right place, fixate on it.
Imagine light emanating from this point in your body. Mentally direct it to your beloved pet or loved one.
If you did everything right, you will have a desire to do something good for the people around you. To those people to whom the glow was directed.

If you do this exercise every day, unnoticed by yourself, you will discover that the resentment inside will be replaced by genuine love for the environment.

Letting go from our hearts and thoughts

Can't you forget someone for a long time? This practice will help destroy even old connections and free yourself from negativity.

Go to a quiet place and make yourself comfortable.
Close your eyes and imagine the performance stage. On stage is a man who has caused a lot of suffering.
Now imagine yourself on a height above this person or floating in the air.
Focus on your offender. Imagine it in great detail, down to the smallest detail.
Feel all the sensations you feel for him as sharply and vividly as possible.
Then imagine what the connection between you looks like? Barely visible threads or thick rope? Or maybe a plastic tube? What do they connect? Chest, throat, stomach or neck area?
Visualize this state for a while.
Think about what personal character traits you and this person lack so that the relationship becomes less painful. Maybe patience, fortitude, self-confidence? Think carefully about all your options.
Now imagine how God or a guardian angel appears above the stage, who sufficiently possesses all the qualities.
Contact him with a request to give what is missing. Start imagining how you are filled with everything you need. Feel it very clearly, how you change from this.
Visualize how you convey the missing qualities to the person connected with you through the channel. Let it fill completely.
Then look at it again. Did he change after that? What exactly has become different: emotions, smile on your face, posture?
If necessary, talk to him. Surely he taught you a good lesson, taught you something new. Even through painful experiences. In any case, ask for forgiveness, even if he is more to blame for you.
Then imagine breaking the connection. How would you like to do this? With scissors or cut with a sword? Remember what you look like separately, free from each other.

How to let go of a deceased loved one

Death loved one– a real tragedy for those who have to deal with this. After such a blow of fate, it is not easy to get back on your feet and continue to live an ordinary life. Especially when someone close to us dies young or even a child.

Many cannot accept the injustice of what happened. There are people who are unable to come to terms with this situation even a year after death. Often they carry on an ongoing dialogue with the deceased, as if he were still alive.

Adviсe:

No one denies your difficult situation. But don't forget about common sense. Try to convince yourself of the need to return to life. After all, it has already happened, and nothing can be changed. Especially with tears and hysterics. If you stop being heartbroken now, you may undermine your health and psyche. But this won’t make it better, will it? Think about your surviving loved ones.
Often strong experiences haunt us when a person feels guilty before the deceased. Perhaps you did not behave very well towards him, were rude or not attentive enough, did not help when he needed it. But now nothing can be changed. And your suffering won't help matters either. Therefore, concentrate better on living people. Try to behave in such situations in a better way. Surely many of your close acquaintances also need help and support.
Think about it this way: I was not indifferent to him. Therefore, he would not like to see me in agony and sadness. After all, no one would really want to become the cause of suffering for a loved one.
Try to give all your strength to your work. Good way improve matters and forget about painful thoughts. Because there simply won’t be time left for them.
Think that the deceased has gone to better world. According to Christianity, the human soul is immortal, only the body dies. Pray for him. If this doesn’t help, talk to a priest. Ask all your questions. Don't hush anything up. Sometimes, to find peace, you just need to talk it out. Case from practice:

Victoria's story: “I never thought that such grief could happen in my life. My beloved son died at the age of 7 years. For a long time I couldn’t believe what had happened. It seemed that all this was not happening to me.

But the reality was monstrous. Life ceased to interest me completely, although other close people remained - my husband and eldest daughter. My husband signed me up to see a psychologist and literally forced me to go. To my surprise, I felt a little better after the first conversation.

So I continued the treatment. The psychologist helped me look at what happened from the other side, remember that other loved ones need me, and understand that you can continue to live, even after the death of a child.

To stop racing thoughts about the past in your head and forget a person, you need fortitude and a wise attitude towards the situation. If you are in a difficult situation, our specialists will definitely help you consultations with a psychologist online. Don't isolate yourself and your grief.

The sooner you take the first step, the less days will remain in torment. Experienced psychologist– the best medicine for the soul and harmonious life.

“Some people consider persistence and holding on to something to be signs of great strength. However, there are times that require much more will to know when to let go and then do it.”
- Ann Landers

When we let go of something or someone, it doesn't mean we no longer care about them. It just dawns on us that the only thing we can truly control is ourselves, right here, right now. It is a necessary process of adaptation to the ever-changing realities of life - leaving the past behind to make way for the present.

Here are 50 quotes from various articles that will help you let go and start living happily.

1. As we get older and wiser, we begin to understand what we need and what we need to leave behind. Sometimes leaving is a step forward.

2. You will never achieve what you are capable of if you are too attached to things that you need to let go of.

3. Sometimes something appears in our lives that should not linger. Sometimes unwanted changes are necessary changes for our growth.

4. Growth and change can sometimes be painful, but the most painful thing in life is staying out of place.

5. The hardest part of growing up is letting go of what you're used to and moving on with something new.

6. Accept what is, let go of what was, and believe in what can be.

7. Don't be afraid of change. There is a reason for everything. Deal with it. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

9. Never let fear determine your future.

10. Fear is just a figment of your imagination. Sometimes it is difficult to decide to follow your heart, but you will make a huge mistake if you allow false fears to stop you.

11. You can't wait forever for the perfect moment. Sometimes you have to let go of doubt and take risks because life is too short to wonder about what could have been.

12. You are not the same person you were a year ago, last month or last week. You are constantly evolving. Nothing stands still. That is life.

13. One of the most pleasant moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you cannot change.

14. You should never force things. Do everything that is required of you and let life take its course. If something is supposed to happen, it will happen. Don't tie yourself to something you can't control.

15. When you stop expecting people and events to be perfect, you can begin to appreciate them for who they are.

16. Live simply. Love with all your soul. Speak sincerely. Breathe deeply. Try your best. Leave everything else for something that is higher than us.

17. Surrender and letting go are two completely different things.

19. Giving up does not always mean showing weakness. Sometimes it just means that you are strong and smart enough to let go and move forward.

20. Stop focusing on your stress level and remember how lucky you are. Things could have been much worse.

21. Whatever upsets you, let it go! There is no need to accumulate negativity. Stay calm and have a positive outlook on life. Something good will definitely happen to you.

22. Some people cannot accept the fact that you are moving forward in life, and therefore they will try to cling to your common past. Don't condone their behavior. Keep moving forward.

23. No matter what you do, someone will always be unhappy. So live by your principles and make sure that you yourself do not end up disappointed.

24. Love yourself! Forgive yourself! Accept yourself! You are you, this is the beginning and the end - and no regrets.

25. You are good enough, smart enough and strong enough. You don't need anyone else's approval to know that you are valuable.

26. One of the most liberating things life teaches us is that we don’t have to love everyone, everyone doesn’t have to love us, and that’s absolutely okay.

27. Try not to take too seriously what other people say about you. What they think and say is a reflection of themselves, not you.

28. If you worry too much about what other people think of you, in some way, you will always be their prisoner.

29. Sometimes we expect more from others because we ourselves would do the same for them. Keep loving. Eventually you will find out who is worthy.

30. Not everyone is able to appreciate what you do for them. You must understand who is truly worthy of your attention and who is just trying to take advantage of you.

31. To say “yes” to happiness, you must learn to say “no” to people and things that cause you pain. Be wise to avoid negativity.

32. If you allow something, it will continue. It's better to be alone than to be alone negative people and their judgments influence your life.

33. If you feel like your ship is sinking, perhaps it's time to throw away everything that weighs you down. Let go of the people who bring you down and surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you.

34. Just because someone has been a part of your life for many years does not guarantee that one day the moment will not come when you finally decide to let them go.

35. One of the most difficult tasks in life is to cut someone out of your heart.

36. You must understand that people come and go. That is life. Stop holding on to those who let you go a long time ago.

37. Sometimes we forgive others not because they deserve it. We forgive them because they need it, because we ourselves need it, and because without it we cannot let go and move on.

38. The one who asks for forgiveness first is the bravest. The one who forgives first is the strongest. The happiest one moves forward first.

39. Don't be sad about the past, it won't come back. Don't worry about the future, it hasn't come yet. Try to live in the present and make it beautiful.

40. Be wise enough to let go when necessary and strong enough to hold on when required.

41. Don't let minor troubles overshadow your happiness. True wealth is the ability to feel and appreciate every moment for what it brings.

42. Life is too short to spend it at war with yourself. Learn to accept and forgive. By letting go of yesterday's troubles, you take the first step towards happiness today.

43. Worry casts a big shadow over small matters. In the end, you can focus either on what is tearing you apart, or on something that helps you pull yourself together.

44. Old concerns - down payments on problems you may never have to deal with. Let them go. Today is a new beginning, take a deep breath and start again.

45. Smile even when everything seems to be falling apart. Smiling doesn't always mean you're happy. Sometimes it just means that you are strong.

46. There comes a time when you stop thinking about your mistakes and move on. No regrets - just life lessons that show you the way.

47. Remember the good times, be strong in difficult times, love every moment, laugh more often, live honestly and be grateful for every new day

48. You can't let one bad thing ruin a bunch of good times. Don't let silly daily dramas get you down.

49. If you are diligent and patient, everything you really need in life will come to you at the right time.

50. In the end, everything will fall into place. Until then, learn everything you can, laugh as much as you can, enjoy every moment and remember that it is worth it.

Copyright site © - Lea A.N.A.

And for girls, they can be suitable for forgetting

When people leave, let them go.
Fate excludes the superfluous.
This doesn't mean they are bad.
This means that their role in your life has already been played!

It's hard to let someone go from your life when it's time to move on.

11 signs that such a time has already arrived:

1. In response to your requests, you increasingly receive the answer: “I have no time.”

Learn to let go of people who don't find time for you. This means your relationship is no longer as important to the other person as it used to be.

2. You find yourself trying to force someone else to love you.

You know the saying: “You can’t be nice by force,” and that’s true. And if the other wants to leave, we cannot ask him to stay, because the essence of love is freedom. When a loved one leaves, life does not end, and past love always leaves behind something valuable.

3. The other person wants you to become someone you are not.

Losing another is not so scary, it’s worse than losing your essence. You shouldn’t lose yourself for the sake of anyone - it’s very difficult to piece together your personality; it’s much easier to heal a wounded heart.

4. There are no heart-to-heart conversations between you.

Sometimes you need to quarrel to save a relationship, because if you remain silent, you can destroy it. There will be no regrets left if you communicate with people from pure heart, heart-to-heart. In this world you need to be honest.

5. Words are noticeably at odds with deeds.

You need someone nearby who helps you look into the future with hope, and if you feel the opposite influence, and his words do not coincide with his actions, it’s time to end such a relationship. People can say whatever they want, their actions are much more important.

6. Physical attractiveness is a priority in your relationship.

We must not forget that the main beauty of a person lies not in appearance, but what is hidden in the depths of the heart is what makes us unique. It is unlikely that those who are attracted only by your appearance will stay with you for a long time, but people who are able to see the beauty of your soul will be with you all your life.

7. Your trust is repeatedly betrayed.

True love presupposes trust, openness - when you believe that another person cannot hurt your soul and open it to him. In this case, perhaps your relationship will last a lifetime, or you will learn a bitter lesson. Both developments are positive. You will have the opportunity to make sure that the person is worthy of your trust or look for someone more worthy.

8. You are forced to constantly sacrifice your happiness.

Try to quickly realize that it’s time to snatch your life from the greedy hands of others. If other people demand more from you than you give, you will quickly lose self-esteem.

9. You are underestimated.

When you are in a close relationship with a person who does not respect you, you willfully tear off a piece of your soul that cannot grow back. One day there comes a time when you need to stop keeping a person next to you; if he truly wants you to remain in his life, he will certainly find a way to do this. If a person wants to leave, let him go. Only at first it hurts, and later you ask yourself the question: “Why did I waste so much time and didn’t do this earlier?”

10. You don't like the current situation.

Go through life obeying the call of your heart. Take risks. You can’t “go with the flow” just because you’re afraid of change. Because there will be no changes on this path - learn from your mistakes, only in this way can you gain experience and find your path, come to your peak, which is worth the effort.

11. The past does not let go.

Someday your tears and pain will be forgotten, and you will understand that happiness lies not in revenge or power, but in letting life go on as usual, and you have time to learn everything you can from it. In the end, the most important chapter of your life will be the last one, when you realize what a wonderful story you have written by living your journey. So let go of your past to see new possibilities.

Having let go of a person, do not just let go of hope, continue to live and believe that someday in your life everything will work out and you will find your happiness.

Remember that a lot of people can say the three cherished words “I love you”, but not every one of them will remain in your life to prove them. Sometimes you have to try really hard to find such a person, but it's worth it. Always.

For those who have already found “that” person and are not going to leave, I recommend reading this wonderful, and most importantly, very useful book.

Are getting closer new year holidays. Women dream of spending time together with their man. And men often have their own plans. meeting friends, family, just being alone, playing paintball or billiards....
Should we force them to be with us all the time? Or is it still important to give them the opportunity to be without us? This is what I want to talk about today.

In my opinion, the Vedas are right when they say that do not be afraid of separations, be afraid of divorces. And this phrase is not only about detaching and educating a partner. But also about giving each other personal space, which men need even more than women.

If you've read John Gray's book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Werner, you probably remember the term "man cave." A place where he sometimes goes to recover, put his thoughts and feelings in order, and at the same time remember how much he loves his wife.

It doesn't always look like a cave. Most often, this is some kind of hobby outside the home or just a place where he likes to be alone. We are, of course, not talking about brothels and casinos. More likely, this would include fishing with friends, his office and workplace, trips to conferences and events, and even a separate office in the house where no one has the right to enter.

When a man has a crisis - and crises of various sizes constantly come to us without knocking - it is important for a man to retire. And think alone.
What do we do most often? Let's be honest? We're trying to get him out of there. From the embrace of this cave of his. The motives may be different:

· He feels bad! I have to help him!
· What if he stops loving me there?
· His friends are a bad influence on him
· I need to know what he thinks

And so on. In practice, we are pursuing the man. Sometimes we just try to lure him out - very quietly and innocently. Sometimes we break in and cause a scandal. Sometimes we gather the public at the entrance to the cave so that everyone can tell him that he can’t do that.

There are three types of persecution:

· Physical. For example: “You’re not going anywhere!” Or you can just follow him around, go fishing for him, make a “surprise” by flying to his conference, or set up a field kitchen at his work. Without his consent
· Emotional. Since we ourselves cure negative emotions by talking, we try to feed our husband the same pill. "Talk to me! I see that you feel bad! What's happened? Do not be silent!". This not only does not calm the man down, it also infuriates him.
· Moral. Become like this ideal wife so that he would never even think about going somewhere without me. “Well, how can you, I do everything for you, and you! This is unfair! It is not right! I sacrificed everything for you and didn’t go to the concert. And you!!!"

Why is it so unbearable for us to see a loved one resting somewhere without us in some strange way? There are several reasons, some of them lie in our nature, and some in our childhood.

· For a woman, intimacy is very important. This is one of our basic needs. And when there is no intimacy, it becomes very difficult for us. The problem is that we decided that a close relationship is only possible with our husband. We don't build them with other people. More precisely, we do not pay enough attention to female friendship. But it is our friends who can give us so much intimacy that our mind will calm down for a long time.

· You and I solve problems by talking. And we believe that men are built the same way. Therefore, we try to help them, without considering that they are different.

· Often we simply don’t know what to do when he’s not around on the weekend. What about the ritual of watching a movie and going for a walk before bed? Who should I go for a walk with?

· Loneliness is terrible It also happens when our dad left us in childhood. The child does not understand that dad left mom, and not him. And all his life he repeats after his mother: “Dad abandoned us both.” And then it’s really scary - now he’ll leave, what if there’ll be the same fidgety little girl who stole mom’s dad?

· If you have already been abandoned by other men, there have been infidelities and painful breakups, the topic of male distance will also become a problem.

· If you were ignored by your parents, then being temporarily ignored by your loved one will also bring you pain. Just like in childhood. When no one cares about you, what kind of love can there be?

· If you don’t have a hobby and an outlet to occupy yourself with, you will also suffer, but from not knowing what to do with yourself. Here it is important to remember that things are only interesting to those who are already interested in themselves.

And what will happen to the man if he is not allowed into this very cave?

· He becomes passive. He lies there for a long time, and his enthusiasm for work decreases. Not only is he not ready to perform feats, he can’t even go for water. Just no motivation, Why? Because the only motivation for male actions is love for a woman (or God).

· He does not feel love for his wife. Because man's love has a cyclical nature. To understand how much he loves his wife, he needs to miss her. And this The best way renewal of feelings. A woman has a different mechanism - we are always in contact with our feelings, so everything is quite stable with us. And a man needs to remember this. Again and again. At least once a month. To fly on wings, bored, and move mountains. Remember in what regime the knights of the past lived. A crusade - on the wings to the beloved with prey - then again a crusade to return to her again, exhausted from love.

· He becomes irritable and angry. The man who was not released in time begins to go wild. Everything infuriates him, he cannot control himself. To regain control of himself, he needs to collect his thoughts and feelings, to collect himself into a heap. And he can only do this alone, in his cave. Sometimes his friends may be in this cave. But this is external. In fact, it is collective loneliness. Have you ever seen real fishermen? They will sit far from each other and remain silent all day. For a woman this seems like madness, but for men it seems like real relaxation.

· He may find uncivilized forms of care. Alcohol, drugs, computer games are the same thing as going into a cave, only such withdrawal destroys a man’s personality and family relationships. But if he has no other option, the only option left is so as not to completely go crazy.
In a word, a man who is not released into the cave in time becomes not only “inconvenient”, but also destructive. He can break out of the blue on his wife or children. After this, a feeling of guilt will begin to gnaw at him, and will only increase the discomfort.

Absence gives love a special taste. The joyful taste of a meeting when both miss you. And again we are ready to see the good in each other. Even if you separate for just one day, when your husband goes to work, in the evening you wait for his return. Because we missed you.

But sometimes you need to go even further. Recently my husband went to a week-long training session alone. I got on a plane and flew away for a whole week. And the children and I were left alone, on the farm. We haven’t been apart for so long in a long time; it seems like we’ve never been apart like this before.

And it turned out that it was so nice to be bored. It is necessary and important for a man to have personal space and personal time. But with the birth of children, we often forget about this. Because we need help. We become more dependent - and it is very scary to be left alone.

With the birth of children, all our childhood traumas become aggravated. All that we have not fully lived, we accepted and let go. When we are terrified of losing our partner, most likely we are afraid of losing our father (or our mother) in him.

When we begin to demand complete care and guardianship, it is as if we are trying to replace our parents with a spouse. And this can go on for a long time. It is the birth of a little person that triggers a chain reaction of our ancestral and childhood memories. When he reaches the age at which something difficult happened to us, it becomes difficult for us too.

Therefore, usually our desire to be always together becomes more intense precisely after the birth of children. We are too vulnerable in this moment to be alone in this moment. But how much we lose!

In our family, it is accepted that the husband needs to be alone. This could probably happen more often. I didn’t immediately understand and accept it. But now, when he talks about how he wants to go alone to a cafe for a few hours to think, I’m happy. I am glad that he will return changed. Rested, joyful, loving, bored. And in this case, the children and I will be able to receive much more warmth and love than if this time did not exist.

I don’t know how I decided to let him go for a whole week in the summer, remaining in a foreign country without anyone. It was unusual to sleep alone. It was even more unusual to get up in the morning and not find my husband in the house. The children constantly remembered him and looked for him. In their lives, dad is always there - every morning and every evening.

But I was very happy. I was glad that he would take a break from us and from home. Talk to people, learn something. And he will return to us rested and satisfied. And we also managed to miss him very much.

Now I know how useful it is to let him go not only to the nearest cave, but also to one that is not so close. This should not be abused, but why shouldn’t the husband have the opportunity to take a break from time to time? family life in a civilized way (I'm talking, for example, about trainings in other countries, conferences, trips to relatives).

Let's talk more about what to do with yourself? How can you not go crazy and harass him with calls? There are a lot of options (there are generally as many as 85 ways to spend this time effectively and joyfully):
· Read your favorite book
· Watch a movie - you can do this alone
· Do some general cleaning
· Chat with friends
· You can invite a friend to visit you for a couple of days (that’s exactly what I did when my husband left for a week for the second time)
· Attend a seminar or training
· Go to visit your parents
· Go to a massage or beauty salon
· Participate in a volunteer project
· Pursue your hobby
· Go to dancing or art classes
· Arrange shopping
· And so on.

There is a funny story from life about shopping. When one girl's husband went on a business trip, she decided to distract herself with shopping. And among other things, I bought myself boots. The next ones. And not very cheap. And in the evening my husband called and the following conversation took place:
- Honey, I bought boots today!
-You already have boots?
- Yes, I have. I just thought that I’d rather buy myself boots and be happy with them than blow your mind with calls
In response, the husband laughed and agreed that this was indeed better.

Indian girls were once prepared for family life by telling the following parable:
“In the life of every man, once a month there is special days when he has to go into the cave. It is his sacred duty to fight the dragon in this cave. It is very dangerous and risky, but it is the duty of every man.
So when you get married, be prepared for this. Once a month, your husband will go into his cave stressed out and come back victorious.
Do not pursue him under any circumstances. Because even if you track him down and find this cave, and then try to go inside, this dragon will attack you and burn you with its flames.”

The story is metaphorical, because that same dragon is simply a manifestation of the worst qualities of a husband, which can splash out on the head of an unlucky wife.
Therefore, let's take care of each other and be understanding of our characteristics and needs. After letting your husband go into the cave, don’t forget to take care of yourself!

Our whole life consists of human relationships: family, work, social. But the deepest and most important for us are relationships with loved ones. Very often there are discords, misunderstandings, and different changes in a relationship. But what to do when you feel that the relationship has exhausted itself and is coming to an end? You no longer value this person as much as before, mutual understanding has disappeared between you, and you quarrel endlessly? How can you let go of each other correctly and painlessly for both of you?

Should we let each other go?

Of course, this is not easy to do; some kind of emptiness and disappointment always comes after a breakup. But if you look at this situation from the other side, you will see the experience, wisdom, knowledge that you have acquired through this relationship. This is the end of only a certain stage in your life, but not love. When you understand this and can accept it, then except for the feeling of gratitude towards this person, you will have nothing else left.

Absolutely, all the people who come into your life are not an accident, everyone has their own purpose, why they appeared in your life. They bring with them life lessons that you need to learn. This develops in you the qualities that you lack, thus you grow as a person, I am talking about evolutionary growth.

You were dear people to each other, you experienced strong feelings, spent unforgettable moments of life together. Of course, all this will remain in your memory, but it will be like a day gone by. And you will be sorry to leave or let the person out of your life. But life never stands still, it is constantly moving, changing, bringing changes and changes. Also your relationships, they will constantly change, enriched with new feelings and experiences. Don't be afraid to move on and let new people into your life again.

Nothing can last forever. You gave each other everything you could, you tried to maintain the relationship. But if you have exhausted each other, are tired of moving on together, or simply stopped loving, then it is better to let the person go. Most likely, you have reached the limit of your relationship; this cannot continue. You will feel when the relationship becomes an unbearable burden for you. Then let the person go, you don’t need to keep him near you. By doing this you will only cause him pain, as he will see your indifference.

How to let go of a loved one?

Thank this person, because he unknowingly taught you something, gave you invaluable experience, his time, his feelings. And continue to live, there is no need to cling to what is already gone, learn to let go. You have changed thanks to this relationship, and new acquaintances and meetings are probably waiting for you.

If you still haven’t decided to take such a step, but are trying to mend a falling apart relationship, by doing this you are slowly killing each other. Apart from deep pain and disappointment in the relationship, it will bring you nothing more. Your relationship will lose value and reverence; it will turn into a sad, shared existence. Every day you and your partner will grow in hostility, irritation and claims towards each other. A series of quarrels, showdowns, a search for the culprits, and everything like that will follow. Believe me, the further you stretch such a relationship, the greater the likelihood that you will part as enemies, full of hatred for each other. This is mentally draining, takes so much of your energy that after breaking up, you are left lifeless and broken.

Relationships should bring you joy and happiness. You should glow with love, your eyes should glow, sparkle with happiness. When it's gone, is it worth continuing? Think about it, does this relationship bring me happiness, ease, joy?

And yet you stubbornly do not want to let this person go. Why?

It takes courage to stop a relationship. One of you should be the first to realize this and talk about it. But not every person is able to speak openly even with their partner. Then the game of silence begins, hidden grievances, endless quarrels over trifles. And real hell begins, when being together is not just impossible, but becomes real torture.

Sooner or later, your relationship will still come to an end, but in what way and what will it cost you? Most likely, after breaking up, you will be left with a baggage of claims against each other and unspoken grievances. Everyone will suffer from such a relationship. It will take you a lot of time and effort to recover from such a breakup.

Don't resist if you see your relationship floating towards the end. So this is how it should be, this is how it should happen. When this person leaves your life, just let him go, don't hold on to him.

The best ending to a breakup is to express gratitude to this person for everything he has done for you, for the moments of happiness and joy he has given you. Try to do it from the heart, sincerely. In this way, you will soften the pain of parting and the feeling of disappointment and resentment will go away.

Of course, at first, it will be difficult for you to move on without this person. But time heals any wounds. You will have a period when you can evaluate past relationships and learn lessons from them. And then you realize that any person leaving makes room for a new person to come. So, step by step, you are approaching the one who is destined for you in life.

Look at any ending as a great beginning of something new, joyful and happy!