One day a mother wrote me a letter asking me to share her experience of breastfeeding a child during a new pregnancy and subsequent experience of tandem feeding. The letter contained a number of questions. While I was answering her questions, I remembered how exactly the same questions arose in me during my pregnancy with my second child. And, probably, many mothers who are breastfeeding during a new pregnancy and thinking about the possibility of tandem feeding have such questions in their heads. In this material I do not give universal, the only correct solutions; this is not a scientific article. This is just my experience as a mother. I'm sharing. Breast-feeding and pregnancy. With the onset of pregnancy, due to the increased sensitivity of the breast, it became painful to feed. Was this the case for you? What did you do? The sensitivity of the nipples increased during pregnancy, but I saw that the baby needed the breast. Then I simply began to negotiate with the child. I found the position in which I felt most comfortable feeding. And she persuaded the child to suck milk only this way. At one and a half years old, children can suckle from any position - even with their butt up. It was important for me to ensure that the child understood that I feed him in this position not because I am a tyrant, but because otherwise it really hurts me. I showed that it hurt me, I persistently corrected the attachment, but making it clear to the child that I loved him. It's so thin psychological moment, which must be found. The key message was to show the child that we are partners in this matter, like in a dance. When dancing in pairs, it should be comfortable for both. It is useless to beg something from a child - he feels the weakness of an adult, which makes him feel uncomfortable. And once it’s uncomfortable, it begins to suck harder and more insistently demand the usual positions for feeding as a kind of return to the usual stability. Ordering is also not a good thing, because in essence this is also a weakness. But to show it clearly and with love - it worked. She showed me how I wanted it and how I felt when he did the wrong thing. During feeding, the baby pinches and twists the other breast with his hand, which is unpleasant. What solutions did you have? It was unbearable for me if the child began to fiddle with the second breast during feeding. I was ready to tear the child from the breast immediately and never give it again. Therefore, I gently and confidently took the child’s second hand in mine, inserted my thumb into the child’s fist, kissed the fist, stroked the hand, played magpie, counted fingers on the hand, sang my (and the child’s) favorite songs, and told fairy tales. Is there any way to reduce the number of applications? The monotony of our lives helped reduce the number of applications. In the second half of pregnancy, I made sure that nothing would disturb the child from his usual routine - there was a measured and clear daily routine (clear not in time, but in the sequence of actions). And even trips to visit grandma (or other close people) were very predictable. As a result, the child even began to sleep all night without breastfeeding during pregnancy. This gave me the opportunity to get proper sleep for several months before giving birth. Did you interrupt breastfeeding during pregnancy? They say milk disappears during pregnancy. Did your uterine tone increase during feeding? Somewhere in the middle of pregnancy, the milk almost disappeared, and later turned into colostrum, but the baby still suckled at the breast. I did not interrupt feeding. The only thing is that 2-3 days before giving birth, feeding was completely unbearably painful due to the reaction of the uterus to feeding. During these 2-3 days I honestly said that I couldn’t. These days it was difficult to feed due to the reaction of the uterus to breastfeeding. It felt like contractions stimulated by sucking. The rest of the time the uterus did not react in any way to breastfeeding. Tandem feeding. Why did you come to tandem feeding? We had a very strong emotional connection with our eldest child. I felt that weaning him from the breast at that moment, and then also depriving him of his usual amount of attention on my part, was a tough decision, so I decided that tandem feeding was what we needed. This does not mean that this is always the case with children this age. I know wonderful families with sensitive mothers who planned a tandem, but it did not happen because a few months before the birth the child stopped breastfeeding. Not my case. How was the tandem feeding process? The baby was born. There were two children. On the first day of our stay at home together, I fed my eldest only to fall asleep at night. Then I fed the children mostly at the same time. I bought a special nursing pillow for twins and the same age. The main difficulty for me was that I felt that children are very different and they need different me, or rather different states of me. And when I fed them at the same time, I could not emotionally tune in to both children at once. Or one, or the other, or something in between and not particularly necessary. Then, after about a month, I began to feed them mainly separately. This is how “wait, please” appeared in our everyday life. This made my life a lot easier. The main thing in this “wait, please” is to be sure to fulfill what you promised. And not in a year, but right now in 10-40 minutes. Because it’s impossible not to live up to the child’s expectations - he will stop believing his mother altogether, and this is not a good situation. How useful and comfortable was tandem feeding? Benefits: 1. The elder almost does not feel jealous. Breastfeeding is not the only way to prevent it, but it is simple and natural, in my opinion. 2. An amazing bond is born between children. Imagine, children suckling mother's milk at the same time - for me this is a sacrament. I don’t know how the relationship between the children will develop in the future, but this connection, I know for sure, will not go anywhere. And the relationships between children in the family are no less important to me than the relationships between children and parents. Parents will one day leave and the closest ones blood relatives there will be brothers/sisters - people who grew up in the same family. 3. Feeding an older child always reminds the mother that he is a child. With the appearance of a baby in the family, the eldest child becomes big in the eyes of the parents - simply in comparison with the baby. 4.Possibility to nourish beneficial properties breast milk from both children. About comfort. I won't lie, it wasn't easy. But for me, not simple and bad are not the same thing. I did all this and felt like I was weaving the canvas of life with my hands. In my mind, this outline in my life and the life of my family should have been exactly the way I made it. Difficulty in organizing everyday life. Make yourself something to eat, enjoy the cleanliness of the house. I wish I could handle it better now. :) Helpers needed. We need an assistant to clean and prepare food for myself and my husband. A good multicooker to help with cooking. You yourself need to eat well, because tandem feeding, of course, puts a strain on the mother’s body. The load is natural, but it is a load, so, of course, good and varied food is necessary. My mother helped me with cooking, my husband helped me with the children, I didn’t involve anyone in cleaning, but in vain. The child falls asleep only with the breast. How to put him to sleep with a baby? That's how we fell asleep. Sometimes I put them together, sometimes one at a time. At nighttime sleep, if the youngest was not yet asleep, the older one had to be put to bed; my husband took the younger one in his arms and walked with him while I put the older one to bed. Daytime sleep was more difficult, but I found ways to distract the younger one (for example, I played music for him, which made him fall into a light doze) while I put the older one to bed. How long did tandem feeding last? In this mode I fed a little more than a year. The further he went, the older he ate less and less, and then stopped altogether (about three years). For about a year after that, I only fed my youngest (until he was just over two years old). This is how we went through our breastfeeding period. In conclusion, I want to repeat that this is just my experience. For me this method was optimal. Perhaps it will be of some use to someone else. All women weave a different fabric of life in accordance with their personal sense of life. And the main thing, in my opinion, is to do it in the best possible way in accordance with own feeling the best. This is a very subjective feeling. But when my children’s infancy ended, it turned out to be very important for me to honestly tell myself that I weaved this period for my children in the best possible way. Happy motherhood!

Pros and cons of tandem feeding? How to do this correctly?

What is tandem feeding?

This happens in a family when one baby is still a baby, and the second has already been born and he also needs his mother’s milk. Then a feeding technique called tandem is used. It has its own characteristics, pros and cons. If this type of breastfeeding is properly organized, then both babies will fully receive everything they need.

When is a tandem needed?

In the event of a second pregnancy with the first child, who is not yet a year old, both children will need to be fed. If the first baby is already over 2 years old, then you can gradually wean him off the breast until the second one is born. However, it is not always possible to get everything done on time.
When planning each pregnancy, it is recommended to take a break of at least 2-2.5 years between the first and subsequent conceptions. Repeatedly bearing and feeding a child requires a lot of effort and resources from a woman.

All the pros and cons

The advantages of tandem feeding are as follows:

• The older child sucks the breast well and there is no stagnation of milk.
• The amount of milk increases significantly.
• There is no such thing as excess milk, no need to pump.
• There is no need to worry that your older child is lacking some nutrients, they are all present in breast milk.
• When breastfeeding together, babies are more friendly and find it easier mutual language. The older one is less jealous and calms down faster.

In addition to the advantages of tandem breastfeeding, there are also disadvantages:

• Quite a large load on the mother's body. Although many mothers do not agree with this statement, over time, when the youngest baby grows up, this will begin to be felt.
• At first, the older child really disturbs the younger one; he may be jealous, take the breast, cry, or become hysterical.
• It is psychologically difficult to accept an older baby; irritation and nervous tension often occur.

Immediately upon arrival from the maternity hospital, it will not be easy to establish tandem feeding, but gradually, with the right approach, everything will work out.

How to feed a baby during pregnancy

While carrying your next baby, feeding will become more difficult due to irritation and sore nipples. This happens due to natural hormonal changes. The problem will go away on its own when the baby reaches the 3rd trimester of maturation inside the womb. To alleviate the condition, the following recommendations must be put into practice:

• It is necessary to properly attach the baby to the breast, making sure that it completely captures the nipple and part of the areola.
• Reduce feeding time to 10 minutes.

By the 2nd trimester, your milk supply may decrease. This shouldn't be scary - it's maternal body changes occur that are aimed at maintaining pregnancy and preparing for the upcoming birth. If the first baby is over 1.5 years old, then you can already switch to cow’s or goat’s milk and drink directly from the cup.

Tandem feeding technique

First of all, you should choose a suitable position. The so-called “under-the-arm” style is recommended, although mom can experiment until she finds the most optimal one for overall comfort.
There are established rules for tandem feeding, it is advisable to adhere to them:

• At first, when feeding together, you cannot demonstratively pay more attention to the younger child, otherwise there will be problems with the older one.
• First, you need to put the younger baby to the breast, and ask the older one to wait a little.
• When tandem feeding, give one breast to the youngest, the other to the older, and exchange for the next meal. It is necessary to change because youngest child will get used to taking only one breast and will not want the second, and the older one sucks out milk better, so there will be uneven lactation and one breast may look different from the other.
• It is better to put children to bed for daytime and nighttime sleep at the same time in order to develop a certain routine.
• At first, night feedings will be uncomfortable. You need to place the youngest child in a crib that is located in close proximity to the parent’s, and the older baby will have to be taken with you to bed. This will continue until the older child stops feeding on mother's milk at night.

When thinking about the tandem method of feeding, it is important to be prepared for the fact that there will be certain difficulties, but they are temporary. The older child will not easily perceive the younger one. For some period of time, the elder will often ask for the breast and throw tantrums. At such moments you need to devote more time to him, play with him, be extremely gentle, but do not breastfeed on demand, only according to the feeding schedule.

Not only those who have to breastfeed two children at the same time. It happens that a young mother had just recovered from childbirth and breastfeeding when she realized what was under her heart - new life.

Such news may not make a woman happy, but, on the contrary, plunge her into confusion, because... she understands that she is not yet ready, either psychologically or physically, for a new pregnancy. Although sometimes such things happen and are planned, for example, because a woman is planning the birth of “the same age” in order to quickly “shoot off”, or is not using protection due to religious beliefs.

Painting by the French artist Adolphe-William Bouguereau, 1878. .

I once even heard the following reason for the small difference in the ages of children: “The first-born suffers from allergies. They say that if you quickly give birth to the second, you will be able to avoid diathesis.”

It happens that a woman, realizing that she will soon have to return from maternity leave to work, rushes to have a second child because she is no longer happy with her previous place of work. After all, during maternity leave, often...

"Born Before Time"

Similar children are increasingly appearing as a result of early recovery menstrual cycle in a woman after childbirth. Although at the beginning of the last century, if a woman was breastfeeding, (lack of ovulation during lactation) lasted up to 2 years!

By the way, in this way nature gives the necessary rest to a woman’s reproductive organs, which is a good prevention of cancer. Nowadays, most mothers give birth with the help of medications, supplement the baby with formula right in the maternity hospital, skip night feedings, and supplement with water. All this leads to the fact that ovulation can occur already in the first months after childbirth, even before the start of the first menstruation.

Only if a nursing mother follows the rule of exclusive breastfeeding for up to 6 months, she does not need to use protection during this period.

How acceptable is a small difference between children for the female body? Let's turn to our physiology. It is known that the human reproductive cycle is approximately 3.5-4 years. It is by this age that the supply of iron in the mother’s liver is restored, and the child (if breastfeeding and care were organized correctly). Therefore, specifically plan more early pregnancy- means exposing your body and your older child to serious stress.

What should mom do? Tandem feeding!

What should a mother do when she finds out about a new pregnancy? We will not consider the issue of continuing the pregnancy - this should be decided jointly by the woman and the man. But the question of stopping breastfeeding an older child always arises very acutely for women.

Usually doctors and relatives are adamant about this. They worry that breastfeeding may cause miscarriage or nutritional deficiencies in the baby in the womb, and almost always recommend stopping it.

In fact, just a sudden cessation of lactation in the first weeks of pregnancy can lead to such a sad result due to severe hormonal imbalance in the body. An American study has proven that the pregnant uterus up to 26-28 weeks is, in principle, not sensitive to oxytocin secreted by the pituitary gland during feeding; accordingly, this cannot provoke a miscarriage.

Famous Beauty breastfed...

It is much more logical to wait until 12 weeks, when the fetus is firmly established in the uterus, and only then think about possible weaning. And then if the eldest child is already at least 1.5 years old. If he is smaller, then it is better to postpone weaning. After all, the baby has no idea about anything and is not at all to blame for the fact that the mother’s life circumstances suddenly changed. He still really needs it as nutrition and protection, mainly for the further development of the nervous and immune systems.

By the way, it happens that the baby himself refuses to breastfeed in the middle of pregnancy, as there is less milk and it changes its taste.

If the older child continues to breastfeed, then after the birth of the second child the mother will be able to continue breastfeeding both children in the so-called “tandem”.

Many mothers are concerned about the issue of adequate nutrition for the fetus in the context of breastfeeding of an older child. Without any doubt, there will be enough food, because... the body distributes nutrients always in favor of the unborn child first, then - for the eldest, and after that - to maintain the mother’s strength.

Pros and cons of tandem

Tandem feeding, by its nature, is still not a very logical thing. What bonuses can a mother receive in this case? Actually, why bother?

• Firstly, children who breastfeed for more than 1 year get sick much less often, so a tandem-feeding mother is more insured against the situation “the baby is in her arms, the older one is sick.”
• Secondly, a tandem nursing mother is practically unfamiliar with lactostasis in the first weeks after childbirth, because The older child absorbs everything perfectly in a matter of minutes. The main thing that a mother should take care of in the first days is to preserve colostrum for the youngest.
• Thirdly, when tandem feeding is used, it is usually easier for a mother to find a common language with her older child. And in general, make it easier for yourself to solve some problems. For example, do a simultaneous nap session.

Source:

However, not everything can go smoothly. The woman becomes very sensitive nipples, so attachments can be very painful. In this regard, at each feeding, pay Special attention When you place the breast in your mouth, try to ensure that the breast enters the baby’s mouth as deeply as possible.

As already stated, By the second trimester, lactation may decrease. This is due to the fact that the level of estrogen and progesterone increases, it is they that suppress milk production, and, unfortunately, no measures to increase milk production work in this case. Scientists have found that just at this time the change from milk to colostrum occurs - the mother’s body prepares new milk for the younger child.

Tandem feeding rules

What is the best way to organize a tandem to take into account the interests of both parties?

Psychologists are already advising prepare your child in advance for the arrival of a brother or sister: tell him in an accessible language about your feelings, involve him in shopping, talk to him about the future child as an interesting playmate. Just be sure to clarify that it won’t be like this right away, so that the baby doesn’t get disappointed when he sees the small bag. Tell your elder that when the baby is born, he will also eat his mother. Explain that by that time he will already be quite big and sometimes he will need to wait until the youngest child is attached to the breast.

Besides all this, we need to start prepare your baby for the fact that you will have to go to the maternity hospital for several days. Therefore, the baby should be taught to fall asleep not under the breast, but with dad or grandmother (nanny, aunt). Arrange training trips out of the house, 3 times a week, when you will be gone for 4-5 hours or more, so that the baby learns to stay without you, learns to fall asleep without his mother.

In the first days after returning from the maternity hospital, it is good if you can help him increased attention, do not refuse the child’s help in caring for the newborn, but also do not insist if he needs time to get used to the new family member.

As for the organization of feedings, then the breast should be offered to the youngest child first, and then to the older one. Choose a feeding position that is comfortable for you and the younger child, and the older one will adjust himself. Do not feed only a certain baby with one breast, as babies of different ages suckle at different speeds and the breast may fill unevenly.

Psychologically, tandem feeding is often accompanied by severe irritation with the older child. (However, such irritation often occurs in those who have already weaned their elders.) Especially during the sucking process itself. Here it is necessary to develop a philosophical attitude, if possible without focusing your own attention on this.

Those mothers who have strong moral support from their husbands and other relatives are very lucky. In a tandem situation, this is a particularly important point.

In conclusion, I want to say that tandem feeding is a difficult but rewarding endeavor. The most difficult are only the first 3 months, and then it becomes easier and more comfortable. I am always happy when mothers make the difficult decision to continue feeding two, especially when the eldest child is not yet a year old.

Article prepared for the magazine

Synchronized breastfeeding of children the same age (tandem feeding) is wonderful and healthy. But it is also difficult - simply because tandem feeding involves the interests of three individuals at once (mother and two children). In my case, the question of whether to feed tandem or not did not even arise. Feed everyone! Because the eldest Veronica was 10 months old at the time of the birth of the youngest Maria - and milk was vital for her. Now my daughters are 2 years 9 months and 1 year 11 months, we are breastfed, and I see only advantages and undoubted benefits in tandem breastfeeding.

So, tandem. As a rule, it develops with children of the same age when the eldest is one to two years old at the time of the birth of the youngest. There are cases of even smaller age differences, but these are rather exceptions to the rule.

It is impossible to predict whether your tandem will work out. Most likely, the mother will have to spend several days in the maternity hospital, and it is quite possible that the older child will refuse or wean herself off the breast during this time.

But the most common are two scenarios:

1. The eldest child is under one year old, and mother’s milk is vital for him, so the mother initiates the latching of the eldest.

2. The first child is one year old or older, and he initiates breastfeeding.

I didn’t think about the tandem and didn’t look far into the future. Goal number one is to live to give birth. But in reality, parting with Nika for a long time turned out to be a serious test. Therefore, the ceremonial discharge from the maternity hospital with Masha turned out to be crumpled: instead of decorously walking behind the nurse with a small bag and accepting congratulations from those greeting me, posing for the camera, I ran into the hall, grabbed Nika, plopped down on the floor and began to breastfeed her. The photographer did not understand that, in fact, this crazy woman on the floor was a young mother, for whom he was invited. But he reacted to the nurse with the baby and started filming. As a result, with the Discharge Machine, we have many photos of the husband with the newborn and the smiling nurse. Out of surprise, her husband gave her flowers, and in response to the photographer’s provocative remarks (“Kiss, I’m taking pictures!”) he blinked his eyes in confusion. This is how the story of our tandem began.

But the very first application is not a tandem yet. In most cases, it is simply important for the older child to know that his mother is not depriving him of anything. That with the advent of a younger person, life becomes better, and certainly not the other way around. Therefore, personal advice: emphasize in every possible way that the first child is small and beloved. No “well, you’re older” or “be patient, the little one is crying.” All these are the mother’s difficulties, and it is up to her to cope with them, without shifting them onto the fragile shoulders of the older baby. By the way, it is useful to have an introductory conversation with everyone who will help your mother at first: with grandmothers, fathers and other relatives. On this moment all children are younger. Like twins. With equal needs and equal conditions to satisfy them. Communism in a single family.

Be prepared for the elder to temporarily fall back in his development and skills. There may be an urge to dirty your panties (if you have mastered the potty), a reluctance to talk (if you have good coherent sentences) and, of course, breastfeeding.

Veronica tried everything that somehow related to the youngest Masha. I tried to put her onesies on (not on her legs, but on her head), use diapers, and so on. I didn’t comment on what was happening, and soon everything returned to normal.

But what if the mother sees that the child’s intentions are serious and that just applying will not do it? Continue tandem feeding.

There are many advantages to tandem breastfeeding. Children get sick less. In the case of any infection, as a rule, people get sick all over the place, and breastfeeding helps alleviate the symptoms. There will be no jealousy in the family, no rivalry between children, and the older child will not have any “psychological hang-ups” about the appearance of younger brother or sisters (and loss of mom's attention). Breast milk- this is a serious cocktail of useful substances, so everything is simple: a child must receive breast milk for at least two years.

Soon after Masha was born, a rotavrius came to our family. Moms don’t need to explain how unpleasant and dangerous this thing is. However, Nika endured the disease easily, without even losing serious weight, thanks to the “hanging” on her chest. And Masha, a newborn baby, did not get sick at all! And this is while being at the epicenter of the infection. It was the worst for me and my husband, but not for the children on breastfeeding.

So, let's organize a tandem.

1. In the first days, you can allow the older child to latch on at a frequency that is convenient for him. And then gradually organize the chaotic attachments of the elder. The key words are “gradually” and “gently”.

For me, the most difficult thing was the defiant behavior of my eldest daughter at the breast. Nika seemed to be deliberately trying to pinch her, bite her - that is, to do something illegal. Gently, strictly, persistently it is necessary to bring the child to his senses. It's difficult, but the results are worth it.

2. In the first days after birth, the mother may not be able to sit. Therefore, we choose the following feeding positions (Attention! Feeding positions are personal experience!):

– If the older child does not walk, and the mother cannot sit (like me), you can ask your husband to remove the seat from any chair and carefully sit on it (to avoid pressure on the seams). At the same time, a nursing pillow is placed on the mother’s lap, and the children are placed on it. One baby is applied to the left breast, the second to the right in the “under the arm” position. Make sure that children do not roll off the pillow. You can involve your dad in backup. It looks funny, but it works. Our dad called this feeding position “Kite on the Rock.”

– We feed while lying on our back. We place the newborn on our stomach and chest. If the pressure of milk is too high, it is in this position that the baby will not choke. The second child (the eldest) takes the breast, lying on his side next to his mother.

– Classic position: a feeding pillow is on the mother’s lap, the newborn is attached to the breast “from under the arm”, the older child receives milk while standing or sitting next to the mother.

- We feed separately. You can and should feed your children one at a time, feeding the youngest one first.

3. Be sure to monitor how the youngest child gains weight. The lower limit for weight gain for a baby: from 500 g in the first half of life, 300–500 g in the second half of the year. After 9 months, weight gain of 100–300 g per month is acceptable. You can also calculate it this way: by six months the child’s weight doubles, by one year it triples. If something worries you, we do a diaper test. Normally, a baby should leave 12 diapers wet per day.

I am a categorically not “dairy” mother. That is, even with our first daughter Nika, we did not break weight records. Therefore, medical scales became firmly established in our home, and for the first months we lived in total control. The gains were borderline, but Masha still gained weight, albeit under the friendly chants of doctors about the need to introduce cabbage and other nutrients into her diet at almost three months. I politely kept silent about the fact that my eldest daughter was also breastfed. I don’t like to cause confusion in the minds, especially medical ones.

4. We change breasts, do not give the same child the same breast all the time.

5. It is better to move night feedings and night sleep to the floor. It is worth taking care in advance of a soft, low mattress from which children will not fall.

We covered the entire small area of ​​our apartment with blankets. And they slept peacefully, comfortably, and most importantly, safely. Tandem feeding is important. And it can only be difficult for the first three months. The older the youngest child and the more conscientious the older one, the easier it is to feed. The advantages of tandem breastfeeding become more clearly visible.

My daughters are growing up. These are quite adequate children who are nevertheless breastfed. And that's great. Don't be afraid of tandem. Breastfeeding is worth all the effort.

Your child is not yet two years old, but a new life is already beating under your heart? You really wanted to feed your baby before weaning, but now you are confused and don’t know what to do? It’s a pity to wean... Then keep feeding! Today, more and more mothers are feeding “tandem”, i.e. two at once - the older and the younger.

Of course, in this regard, concerns may arise: is it dangerous for the younger child? The practice of nursing mothers shows that it is not dangerous. The main thing here is a positive attitude that everything will be fine. Perhaps the only noticeable trouble can be associated with increased sensitivity of the nipples, which is why the pleasant process of feeding a child suddenly begins to cause discomfort. But there is a way out: there are drugs to reduce this sensitivity, which, fortunately, does not happen to everyone.

During pregnancy, it would be a good idea to prepare your older child for the birth of your baby. Nightingales are not fed fables, because

”... It is important not only to talk about the future child, but also to ensure that some changes in the life of the older one occur even before the birth and nothing changes radically with the appearance of the little one. There should be no actions left in relation to the child that only the mother would perform.

If initially only the mother was involved in bathing or pulling the baby out of the bath, then it is necessary to involve other relatives in this process. If only mom dressed or walked, now someone has to sometimes replace mom.

It would be good to start teaching the child to stay at night without his mother 2-3 months before the baby arrives (starting with one night and extending to several days) - this is preparation for the period of your stay in the maternity hospital. If you are preparing for a home birth, the eldest will need to be given to relatives until the milk comes in; The period of colostrum feeding is very important for a newborn, and the older one can deprive the little one of this valuable nutrition in a few sips.

But then the baby was born.

” If your older child is waiting for you to arrive at home, then it is better if someone else brings the baby into the apartment and not you. The first thing you do is hug and kiss your child who misses you.

And only then show him the newborn.

Tandem feeding (and simply having two children with a small age difference), of course, is a double burden for the mother. Moreover, the stress is not only physical, but also emotional. The eldest child still needs mother’s attention and care! He also wants to be picked up and given time.

” Mom is subconsciously determined that the biological age difference should be 4-5 years, and internally expects that the eldest child is already big. And he’s still small too!

It is very difficult to resist and not start making increased demands on your child. The result of such an attitude can be the child’s uncontrolled behavior and hysterics, sometimes completely out of nowhere. I remember with horror how I went through this myself, it was terribly difficult. At that time, I was saved by Gippenreiter’s book “Communicating with a Child. How?" (which describes in detail how to show love and affection to your child), as well as strong moral support from your husband.

Having noticeably matured with the advent of a little child, nevertheless, he can “please” his mother with unexpected surprises, such as pooping on the floor (and he’s already sat on the potty!), nightly “gifts” in bed, etc. Well, such “costs” of a small difference always occur, and only love, attention and affection, but not unnecessary severity, contribute to quickly overcoming “regression.”

” A very effective piece of advice is to treat children with small differences like twins: if you don’t demand something from the younger one, then you shouldn’t demand it from the older one either. If you did it, it’s good, if you didn’t do it, that’s okay, no big deal.

Tandem feeding is often accompanied by severe irritation for the older child. (However, such irritation often occurs in those who have already weaned their elders.) Especially during the sucking process itself. Here you need to learn to treat this philosophically, without focusing your attention on it if possible. Those mothers who have strong moral support from their husbands and other relatives are very lucky; in a situation with a tandem, this is a particularly important point.

” When adjusting to feeding children with a small difference, it is necessary to take into account the fact that self-weaning from the breast of an older child may be delayed, as well as moving to a separate bed.

However, despite these disadvantages, for me personally, tandem feeding definitely has more advantages than early weaning.

So, the baby does not worry about the fact that he was deprived of his breast, and the mother will no longer have any particular reason to feel guilty about this in front of the child. Although milk changes during pregnancy and is no longer the same as it would have been in the absence of this pregnancy, it is still possible to give the child with it those beneficial substances that he cannot yet get from regular food.

If the relationship with the child is disrupted, then it immediately becomes visible by the number of attachments per day: if it “hangs” and does not want to let go, then there is definitely something wrong in the mother’s behavior. And we urgently need to change this behavior. Difficult process. But very necessary. When there is one child, it is, of course, easier for the mother: there are not many reasons for irritation. But when two people start screaming at the same time! Then sometimes titanic efforts have to be made so as not to spank someone. Another reason to think: am I really as calm and reserved as I always considered myself to be? And here, perhaps, there are two options for the development of events: either the mother pulls herself together and mobilizes all the forces of the body for self-education, or she breaks down (usually in the eldest). The latter is not only bad for the child, it can turn the life of the mother herself into hell, because... The child's behavior may become uncontrollable. An upset child, wanting affection and attention, will throw tantrums and exhibit annoying behavior. Which will further infuriate the mother. Only adults can break this vicious circle, because the child is not yet able to control himself.

Finally, tandem feeding is, as already mentioned, double physical activity not for the mother’s body. Carrying a pregnancy to term and breastfeeding, and then feeding two is a loss of a colossal amount of nutrients. Here you can no longer get by with just a cucumber for breakfast; you have to seriously think about a rational and healthy diet. And also start taking your own health seriously, because the health of both children depends on it. When, four months after giving birth, my hair began to deteriorate and my nails began to break, and my rich imagination painted me a picture of the future, where I had teeth in one... I galloped off to donate my hair to identify the missing microelements, and then ran to a nutritionist. This sweet woman, as it turned out, herself fed the child until she was 3 years old, and, as she put it, “completely renewed” during this time.

” It is a myth that during breastfeeding a woman falls apart piece by piece. You just need to make an effort to organize healthy eating, and the body will flourish.

I was lucky enough to be convinced of this too: as soon as I began to follow the doctor’s instructions, I immediately felt an improvement: my hair began to grow back, split ends disappeared, my nails stopped breaking, even my mood became more joyful!

So, what should you choose - weaning or tandem feeding? I think each mother should decide here individually, taking into account her own strength and health. If both are in order, then, despite the obvious difficulties, in my opinion, a tandem is preferable.