Being a good mother is not difficult. Well, what about grandmothers? After all, no one writes books about how to become the favorite of your grandchildren. Everywhere there are only tips for mothers. And who will teach older generation? First, remember 15 safe phrases that you should never say:

“I’m older, so I know better”

Believe me, with such words you are more likely to cause irritation in your children and grandchildren, but not respect! Of course, vast life experience can sometimes come in handy. But by uttering this phrase, you literally humiliate a person, as if hiding its second meaning: “You are not mature enough yet!”

“This was not the case in our times”

If you are going to teach your children and give them valuable instructions, then think objectively. Your times are long gone; there is no reason to rely on them or transfer the old statutes to modern world. The planet can change dramatically in a year or two, let alone decades! Throw out of your head everything that has long lost its relevance.

"You don't protect my heart"

There is no need to achieve your goals using such low manipulative techniques. Because eventually your family will get tired of it and they will stop taking any of your complaints seriously. Remember the fairy tale about the boy who cried wolf? That's it!

“Who dresses children like that?”

Or “Is it possible to wear this on the street?” We understand that you do this with the best intentions! But since your parents decided to dress your grandchildren this way, then it must be accepted. In the end, this is not your child; any grandmother has much less rights in raising children than their own mother. And yes: perhaps you are just a little behind modern fashion?

“And I think that...”

“What the child will eventually grow up to be”

Any grandmother passionately adores her own grandchildren. And worries about their distant future. But by uttering such a phrase, you offend both your grandchildren and their parents in the most direct context. After all, it sounds like you seriously think that they can’t cope with parenting, or that they’re coping poorly. What kind of mother or father would like this?

"He needs strict discipline"

Discipline is a very subtle matter. There is no need to be afraid that your grandson will grow up to be a sissy if the parents communicate with him kindly and he understands everything.

“I don’t insist, but...”

Note to moms!

Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me too, and I’ll also write about it))) But there’s nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too...

“Of course, I’m not the best grandmother”

Uh, uh! Stop. There is no need to extort recognition of your exclusivity. And stop being jealous of another grandmother. Don't drive wedges into relationships. If there are two of you grandmothers, then you have to live with it.

“I haven’t seen you for three weeks.”

And what? The more you complain, the more it will seem like harassment. Surprise! Your children and grandchildren have their own lives: work, study, friends. Don't pull the blanket of attention exclusively onto yourself. No one has ever loved anyone under duress.

“You are just like your father.”

Or mother. Or a sister, second cousin - it doesn’t matter. You cannot use a comparison with a failed (in your opinion) relative. Any comparisons in a negative way should be excluded.

“Are you sure this is safe?”

Actually yes. Most parents take care of their children. And if their child climbs the horizontal bars like a monkey, they probably thought about what to allow. How to become a good grandmother in our time.

“The neighbor’s son is already five months old”

It’s great if other people’s children are ahead of the pace of development. But you don’t need to transfer this to your own grandchildren. All children are individual and develop differently. And yes, such statements will hurt any mother!

“What are you feeding him?”

Excuse me, but do you really work for the Ministry of Health? Or at least read their current nutritional recommendations? Do you know that no one gives cow's milk to children under one year of age? Then how can you know what is not allowed?

"I live only exclusively for you"

There is no need to live exclusively for someone, this is a veiled accusation. Try to live for yourself. And communicate with younger people only when it is truly a joy for both you and them. Young star grandmothers

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Some women look forward to the birth of their grandchildren, while others are frightened by the prospect of becoming a grandma. To prepare for a new role, nowadays even courses for ideal grandmothers are opening, and they don’t teach you how to bake pancakes or knit - they teach the philosophy of relationships and explain how easy it is to accept a new role for yourself.

In order to become a good grandmother, you need to, at a minimum, learn three important lessons that we will talk about today.

Step one: help, but not spoil the relationship with your children

The ideal grandmother is one who loves her grandchildren and respects her children. She takes into account their opinion and does not impose her own. Adult children decided to have a child. And now they have personal responsibility for their child. Of course, you shouldn’t refuse help, but it needs to be skillfully dosed.

• There is no need to run ahead of the locomotive, deciding for the parents what and how will be best for the baby. Of course, the grandmother has much more experience than the newly made parents, she understands many issues better, but there is no need to rush to intervene. Intrusive help will only irritate parents. Therefore, advice should be given only when the children themselves ask for it.
• Modern grandmothers raised their children in conditions that were far from perfect - no diapers, automatic washing machines, with summer water cuts and other delights of the Soviet period. That's why they are afraid of high technologies, thinking that they can harm the baby. But this is far from true.
• There is no need to insist on a mandatory refusal of diapers, baby air conditioners and car seats. Let the children decide for themselves whether to use them or not. There is no need to compete with another grandmother for the love and attention of her grandchildren. This creates discord and misunderstanding in the family. And the child will feel guilty before one grandmother for his love for another. This is fundamentally wrong.
• It is necessary to support the authority of parents in every possible way. Education is their responsibility, and the grandmother only helps this process. Even if she is sure that the educational strategy is wrong, it is better for her to refrain from criticism. Because her indignation will only cause resistance and misunderstanding.

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Often grandmothers, secretly from their parents, allow their grandchildren to do something forbidden. For example, eat a mountain of chocolate, or slide down a slide in a smart white dress. In no case should this be done, because children clearly understand how and whom to manipulate. And such ambiguity of upbringing provides such an opportunity. While the child is still in the womb of the mother, it is necessary to discuss with the family of the son or daughter what duties the grandmother can take on and what she cannot sacrifice. For example, she may help with housework for the first month after giving birth, take her grown-up grandchildren on weekends, go to the circus with them, and does not agree to quit her job in order to take full care of her grandchildren. You shouldn't feel guilty about this. Grandparents have already paid off their parental duty with interest, now they can only help.

Step two: master the duties of an ideal grandmother

• Grandmothers' favorite pastime is to please their grandchildren: bake pancakes, pancakes, pies with jam and read bedtime stories. Grandchildren love to be pampered, but they need to be pampered in moderation.
• Be a friend to your grandchildren. Children love those with whom they are interested. Especially school children and preschool age. Be their ally in games, walk through puddles together, swing on a swing, or collect pine cones together in the park and then make funny animals out of them. This kind of entertainment will be remembered for a long time!
• Being a modern grandmother. Having matured a little, the grandchildren want to see their grandmother active, cheerful, cheerful. Such a grandmother does not sit still - she is always aware of new events and follows fashion. Teenagers boast about such grannies to their peers.
• Be a child's adviser. It turns out that parents often do not have enough free time. This is due to workload, household chores and the need for rest. Grandmothers have much more free time, because most of them have already retired. And then the child can entrust his problems to grandma, be it first love, troubles at school or a quarrel with a friend. But the main thing in such a situation is to listen and support the child, without in any way criticizing or scolding him.

Step three: be yourself and remember your grandmother's rights

• The birth of a child may be unplanned, and then young parents are unable to cope with new worries on their own. For example, when pregnancy occurs at 16 - 15 years old. Then grandmothers have to financially provide for the family and help the young parents with everything. But do not forget that the grandmother, although she owes a lot, is not obliged. There is no need to completely shoulder the responsibility for a young family. Lack of money and lack of helpers is good for children. After all, this way they will quickly learn to be independent - they will begin to plan their budget, find additional income, and set priorities in life. Therefore, there is no need to be afraid to say “No.”
• Grandmother has the right to time for herself, including a pleasant hobby. She may have different hobbies - watching an interesting movie, cross-stitching or traveling to exotic countries.
• For many grandmothers, work takes almost the most important place. This is the work of their whole life, if we are talking about their own business, it is an outlet and joy. You cannot refuse self-realization in your profession, even if the reasons for this refusal are more than compelling. Otherwise, you will sacrifice yourself, which will not make communication with your grandchildren more joyful.
• Don't forget about your husband - he also needs your attention. Involve grandpa in interesting activity- communication with grandchildren. This way he won't feel left out.

All these lessons allow you to remain cheerful, cheerful and full of energy. This is where harmony lies. Because a happy grandmother gives warmth and tenderness, but a tired grandmother brings negativity into the house. Love your children and grandchildren immensely, without demanding anything in return. And in response to this generous feeling, something similar to it will definitely appear - a feeling of love and gratitude.

Our expert - psychologist Yulia Erofeeva.

Among modern grandmothers there is a special “population” - these are women who became mothers in the late 80s, early 90s, and now many of them have grandchildren. They raised their own children, without having the social guarantees they once were accustomed to, and made careers, hard-fought for their place in the sun. At 45-50, they look their best - they go to the gym, spa salons, and dress fashionably. Strong, successful, they with all their hearts want everything to be fine for their adult children, and even more so for their little, beloved grandchildren. But why is this not always possible?

Is it always a holiday?

For a business grandmother, communicating with her grandson or granddaughter is a holiday for the soul. Just like for a child: the grandmother does not force her to eat porridge or sit on the potty, she appears with new toy, caresses with fireworks, drags you to the zoo, doesn’t punish, but allows everything.

But mom and dad often look at grandma with different eyes. The baby fell and hurt his knee, and the grandmother immediately rushed to calm him down, gave him candy, and dad thinks that the child should learn to cope with troubles on his own, mom categorically forbids sweets. Or the child turned on the computer despite the parents’ taboo, but the grandmother defends his curiosity, and so on. Disagreement in education is a typical cause of conflict. Each side is convinced that it is right. In this case, the worst thing is that the child is between two fires. How to overcome differences?

There is a simple, but very effective method- one day, gather your courage, sit down together at the "negotiating table" and work out a "set of rules" where it will be clearly stated what is possible and what is not. And even “fine” violators.

By the way, if you approach the matter with a certain amount of humor, then both sides will quickly find mutual language, and everyone will even like to act “according to the rules.”

If the clouds gather

Quarrels between a grandmother and young parents can also happen because of too much love for them, her desire to help. For example, she let them go for the weekend, staying in their house, she decided to put things in order. And upon returning - a scandal: “This is our house, we live as we want, and you even shook up all your personal belongings in the closet!”. Well, how can I explain to them that this was done not out of curiosity, but out of goodness? Once something is wrong, another, third - the clouds thicken. In such a situation, one of the most effective methods of overcoming the difficulties that have arisen is the same - to discuss problems, having gathered all family members.

But how can you really do this? Schedule a general meeting on a certain day of the week at a certain time. Today the arbiter is a grandmother, the next time it is a son-in-law or daughter-in-law, then a grandfather, etc. Each in turn speaks out what exactly does not suit him and what he can do to fix it. At the same time, no one has the right to interrupt, argue, or condemn him.

And in order to be heard, you cannot say “if” (I can do this if you don’t clean up our apartment) and “but” (I agree to this, but on condition...), but use the “I-statements” technique ”, allowing you to realize your feelings and name them to your partner or others. This constructively changes not only your own attitude towards the situation, but also the attitude of the interlocutor towards it.

On the warpath

Another reason why quite complex problems often arise is the relationship between the spouses’ parents. Most often - between mother-in-law and mother-in-law. Men, as a rule, know how to maintain a neutral position.

The authoritarian grandmother often becomes the initiator of the conflict. A sort of “general in a skirt” is an official, a teacher, a businesswoman in her own professional life, or the wife of a “general” who is accustomed to using cunning moves to build the rules of the game in her own family. Moreover, the reason for the showdown can be anything, from “your daughter doesn’t know how to clean or cook” or “your son doesn’t think that he is the head of the family and should provide for her” to small private moments. The point is not in the reasons, but in how to “resolve” a tense situation.

The root of such conflicts is the grandmother’s internal dissatisfaction,” explains Yulia Erofeeva. - The reason may be serious troubles at work or tense relationships with own husband etc. So she perceives the world obviously aggressive.

What can help? The ideal option is to attract an outside authority, a person with whom you can confidentially discuss what is happening and think about solving problems. It is to him that his loved ones should tell him about the situation and ask him to talk with his grandmother. It could be pediatrician, or a mutual family friend, or, if the woman goes to church, a priest. It is advisable that this be a man, because what is needed here is not so much emotions as a sincere, but rationally structured conversation. The ideal option is the help of a psychologist, but the woman must come to this herself, realizing the need for such intervention.

And sometimes everything can be solved easier. Invite grandmothers for tea and give each one flowers or an inexpensive, funny souvenir... A step forward on the part of the young reconciles and creates mutual understanding, because a woman, above all, needs sensitivity and love.

And again about money

A business grandmother is often the main breadwinner in a family; she provides financial support to the young, especially if the children are students. And this is a big mistake. Gift money stifles their independence, develops infantilism and irresponsibility. Financial support must be reasonable and targeted. It’s great if you can help with purchasing or renting an apartment, you can buy your grandson food and clothing, diapers, or pay for medical services, but young people must earn their own money for their own needs.

There is no limit to perfection

There are no ideal people and, of course, neither do grandmothers. But the role of a grandmother presupposes life experience and worldly wisdom, so it is you who must think about how to prevent possible conflicts by changing your own attitude to what is happening and improving yourself.

There are several rules to follow:

Do not interfere in the lives of young parents, giving them the right to make mistakes on their own;

-give them advice only when you are asked for it;

- do not hesitate to apologize if you got excited or were wrong;

- learn to calmly but firmly refuse young parents if you think that they expect and ask too much from you;

- you need to keep your own fears for your children and grandchildren to yourself;

- even when “passions are running high”, learn to speak calmly so as not to give a reason to delve into the verbal jungle;

- praise young people more often, noting even their most modest results;

- do not tell your relatives and friends how “unlucky” you are with your daughter-in-law or son-in-law - this will not change anything, it will only drive the negative attitude deeper into your soul, which will be much more difficult to overcome;

- get rid of the thought that you “have done so much for them, but there is no gratitude.” Patience - and you will certainly wait for it!

The father and mother most often take part in raising a child, and they are given all the laurels. They are the ones who come first, and the grandmother, unfortunately, is often undeservedly given second place.

When both mother and father work in a family, it is physically difficult for them to raise the child fully, take care of his development and everyday needs.

They don’t have enough time to deal with him, then hope appears in the grandmother, of course, if there is no opportunity to send the child to kindergarten or hire a nanny.

A modern grandmother does not look like a decrepit old woman from the outback, and she does not feel like one. Nowadays, people sometimes become grandmothers at a very young age: 37-40 years old.

To become the grandmother that not only your grandchildren, but also their parents (your children) will dream of, you need to adhere to simple rules that we sometimes forget about.

Don't go too far

When your grandchildren spend more time with you, and parents, due to work, are forced to communicate with their children in raids, you should not demonstrate your skills, or boast that you know your grandchildren better.

Comments like: “you dressed him cold”, “don’t excite him before bed” and “you’re not feeding the baby correctly” are something some grandmothers have heard from grandmothers for many years. In such cases, already tense from workdays filled with stress, parents just want to explode and express everything they think about you. It's clear, anyone old man Due to his age and experience, he can give young people a head start in the educational process, and constant contact with grandchildren bears fruit. You have an excellent relationship with your grandchildren, you know them intimately, all their needs and desires. We are all human, so it is understandable that it is difficult for you to suddenly step aside when your parents appear. But smart grandmothers wisely and tactfully cede the role of educator to real parents.

Help according to needs

Constantly asking for your help, obsessively helping, is also nothing good, because excessive help is burdensome and annoying. Think about what kind of help your children and grandchildren need. When conflicts arise, it is better to calmly listen to each other. Perhaps your help in accompanying the child to various sections will be enough, and the rest of the functions of raising your grandchildren are entirely within the capabilities of their parents.

Agree on a parenting model

If parents decide to be strict, they should not spoil their grandson. Yes, we don’t argue, sometimes you really want to fulfill the whim of your beloved little one, but disagreements with the opinion of the parents can harm the child. For example, his dad and mom forbid him to eat a lot of sweets, but you, on the contrary, try to treat him to a delicious cake or candy. In such a situation, the grandson, of course, will love you more out of naivety, considering his parents “evil and greedy.”

Develop your child

Very often, due to the same frantic pace of life, our children (parents of their grandson) simply physically cannot afford such luxury as all kinds of children's sections and clubs. Take the initiative by taking upon yourself to “deliver” the child to sections and clubs. You might even like it yourself. For example, one grandmother who went to a dance with her grandson soon. The grandmother and grandson had a sea of ​​new common topics - from discussing the correct execution of the next element of the dance, to thinking through concert costumes.

Becoming a good grandmother is not difficult, using common sense and important rule– you are a grandmother, not a mother, so you cannot take on all the functions associated with the child. This is, at a minimum, unfair to your children, who would also like to enjoy communication with their children in their free moments.

A good grandma knows how to make her grandchildren feel special while still managing to teach them a thing or two about the world. She also plays a different role than the parents of her grandchildren and does not overstep her boundaries. The thing is that to be a good grandmother, you need to have a close connection with your grandchildren, which at the same time borders on a dynamic and easy relationship based on warmth, care and love.

Steps

Part 1

You must have a solid game plan. Sometimes it helps a lot to know what you will do with your grandchildren when they arrive. If you want to go on a picnic, you may need to suggest some form of clothing and even ask for financial help if needed before the grandchildren arrive. It's a good idea to check opening times, events, and traffic patterns to make sure everything is prepared in advance. When you make a plan for the day, keep in mind, however, that a certain amount of time should be set aside for rest and relaxation. You don't want your children to feel like they've been squeezed out of a lemon.

• Try doing things with your grandchildren that their parents don't usually do with them. Go with them to new part a city they haven't seen, or teach them something their parents don't know how to do - be it watercolor painting or jewelry making. This will make your time more special and memorable.

1. Don't plan. That's right - sometimes don't make plans. Let your grandchildren see what you usually do around the house and let them learn from your example. Often they will be interested enough to jump in and help you, while striking up interesting conversations with you. Cherish moments like these because they are the essence of connection between generations. They might enjoy watching you cook, helping you in the garden, walking the dog with you, or even watching your favorite TV show.

   • Your grandchildren are used to living in their own home and will be interested in how you manage yours. Don't create too much stress with preparation have a fun day for them; everything should happen naturally.
   • That is, it's good to have an activity in reserve, like watching a movie or making a cake, in case your grandson (or granddaughter) gets restless and wants something to do.
2. • Tell them about your life and experiences and how they have shaped your worldview. Show them how much the world has changed since you grew up in it, what you did for a living, and what vital qualities you need to live a successful life.
   • Pass on the life lessons you've learned, starting with how to live in happy marriage and ending with housekeeping. You may not want to give out all this information at once, or your grandchildren won't listen; instead, dose the information little by little so that it reaches the goal.
   • Tell them to ask any questions about your life or background that might interest them. The conversation doesn't have to be one-sided.

3. Tell them about your family history. Although your grandchildren may not be very interested in the details of your family history when you were younger, you must convey to them the basic idea of ​​family history in order to develop more strong feeling of who they are. Sit them down with a scrapbook and show them who's who in the family tree. Don't just point fingers, but let your relatives come to life - tell jokes and memorable stories about each of them so that your grandchildren feel connected to them, even if those people are no longer with us.

4. Be with them during important moments in life. What you can do is be there for them during the most significant moments of their lives - from birthdays to school graduations. Although you won't always be able to be there, especially if you live far away, you should make it a point to be present for important moments whenever you can. Your grandchildren will remember such important milestones in life and it means a lot if you are there during these times.

   • Your grandchildren will come to you for love and support, not criticism. Give them that love and support on their big days and show them how proud you are of them, even if you would have done something differently.

5. Don't forget to take time for yourself. This is something that should not be forgotten even before your grandchildren are born. You don't have to make yourself the constant source of childcare, so it's important to set boundaries from the beginning. Make it clear that you love your children and grandchildren and there are many reasons to visit, but also make it clear when it would not be appropriate to bring your grandchildren or leave them in your care on a regular basis. This way, you can enjoy your time with them one hundred percent, instead of feeling resentful or exhausted.

   • Do not assume that you will constantly be a nurse and at the slightest request of your children you will be at their disposal as soon as the child is born. You can tell them how much time you plan to spend with the grandchildren, but plan in advance for the help you can provide instead of being a standby.
   • When you don't feel pressured or pressured to spend time with your grandchildren, your relationship will be much stronger.

   Part 2

   Taking care of your grandchildren

   1. Grandchildren should occupy an important place in your life. You can't spoil children. You might inadvertently teach them that consuming a lot is good, something you would never do, right? Teach them positive values, such as gratitude, respect and patience, and don't overwhelm them with lectures. Instead, rein them in with praise. Notice all the good things they do and don't hesitate to express how you feel when you notice them. And give them space; Children should not feel awkward when they are with you. After all, they have parents to tell them off all the time. Every time you see them, give them a big hug and show them your love and that they are safe with you.

      • While you may sometimes criticize their behavior if they misbehave in your presence, it's best for you to focus on being a source of fun and positivity. They already live with one or two parents who want to teach them what is right and wrong, and while you don't want to go against their ideas, you also don't want to be too strict.
      • Of course, you shouldn't allow your grandchildren to follow completely different rules in your presence, otherwise he or she will be confused about what the “right” rules are. Still, be gentle with your grandchildren and focus on praising and acknowledging how special they are.

   2. Remember birthdays. For their birthday, buy them gifts that are thoughtful enough, but not too pretentious. Sometimes give them what they ask for; at other times, let there be some kind of surprise under the holiday packaging, something that they are not expecting. The most important thing is that you are there for them on such an important day and that you show them how much you love them. In addition to the gift, write them a card telling them how much they mean to you.

      • But check with your parents before giving your grandchildren a gift. You don't want to overshadow your parents' gifts or give something similar. This can lead to an awkward situation at a birthday party.

   3. Be a loving grandmother. Another way to show your grandchildren your love is to shower them with affection. Hug and kiss them, wrap your arms around them, play with their hair, or simply touch them reassuringly to show your affection. When you sit next to them, stroke their knee or arm or just sit close to show your love. As they age, they may not be as open to affection, but you should make it a point to show them love.

      • Be a source of love and warmth for your grandchildren so they know they can come to you when they need reassurance.

   4. Listen to your grandchildren. Take time to listen to what they have to say and listen to every word without interrupting. Stay focused and listen to them instead of listening to them while cooking or gardening. Look them in the eye and show them how much you care, but don't give them advice unless they ask for it. The most important thing is not to judge them and take everything they say seriously.

      • Sometimes grandchildren can even tell you what they are hiding from their parents. Help them as much as you can, but let's understand that there are times when parents need to know what's going on in their heads.
      • Be gentle when they talk to you. Wrap your arm around them or place your hand on their knee to encourage them.

   5. Spoil your grandchildren a little. You've already been through raising a child and you've had to work on disciplining your children. Now you can relax a little and focus on having fun with your grandchildren. Although some rules must be established, especially if the grandchildren will stay with you for a long time, as summer holidays, cook your grandchildren treats, make them feel special and even give them an extra piece of cake from time to time. They should come to you for love, not for you to make laws for them.

      • Of course, there is no need to pamper them to the point where their parents will be angry because of the indulgences that you provide them. Find a way to make both your grandchildren and their parents happy.

   Part 3

   Respect your grandchildren's parents

   1. Don't give advice unless you're asked to. Even if you have successfully raised 15 children and feel like you know everything about childcare and care, you need to keep your mouth shut until you are asked for advice. Your child and his or her partner may have different views on parenting, and they may not want to hear every detail of what you have to say on the topic. Sure, they may look to you as a more experienced parent, but don't assume that you need to tell them every little detail—from how to change diapers to how to help their child grow into a responsible adult.

      • If you advise your parents too much, they may become distant from you, leading to more strained relationships between you and your grandchildren.

   2. Accept your role in your grandchildren's lives. To succeed as a grandmother, you need to accept the fact that you are not a parent, but a grandparent in your child's life. Your role is to spend time with your grandchild, advise and help their parents when needed, and be there for the new addition to your family. The sooner you realize that you are not your grandchildren's mother, the sooner you will begin to enjoy your own unique relationship.

      • You shouldn't focus on disciplining your grandchildren by teaching them how to behave like adults. Focus more on giving love, care and support.

   3. Get on with your own life. Maybe you think that you need to give up everything as soon as your grandson or granddaughter is born. But the best you can do is get on with your life while helping your grandchildren's parents to the best of your ability. Continue your relationships with your friends, fulfill your social obligations, and pursue hobbies if you want to succeed as a grandma. If you give up absolutely everything to be with your grandchildren, you will put too much pressure on your parents.

      • Find a way to fit time with your grandchildren into your routine without making your daily plans revolve entirely around the grandchildren and their parents' whims. Of course, there are times when they last minute your help will be needed, but you don't have to leave your routine completely open in case this happens.

      Give your grandchildren's parents the opportunity to be together. Sometimes what your grandchildren's parents need most is some quality time together. While they will benefit from your presence at family gatherings or travel, you can spend some time alone with your grandchildren so that their parents have the opportunity to go out together or just take a break from their usual responsibilities. This will help ease the tension so that their relationship remains strong.

      • Give mom and dad at least one or two days off a month. They may deny that they need this time together, but emphasize how important it is for them to spend time apart from the child sometimes.

   Warnings

   • Sometimes your grandchildren may reject you harshly when they are angry or don't want anyone around, but don't tell them off. Leave them to calm down for 10 minutes, then sit next to them and calmly talk about what is happening and how you can help. Let them know that Grandma doesn't approve of them getting into trouble, but she won't criticize them for it either.