Modification of the drawing technique “My Family” - “The Family I Want” So, you have taken only the first steps for diagnosis intra-family relations based on such a simple and at the same time universal sample “My Family”. However, in order to look even deeper into the child’s soul, you

Chapter 1. Modern woman– happy woman Who is she, a woman of the 21st century? Many different answers come to mind. Her characteristics are smart, purposeful, rich, beautiful. Such definitions can endlessly describe the modern lady. But they are unlikely to have

Indeed, a happy and strong family always takes into account many conditions and factors. Building a good family is an entire art; it is no easier than building a good, reliable business, sometimes even more difficult. Now we will consider only the most important conditions for creating a good strong marriage. Many people are also interested in the question - But how can we predict, calculate in advance whether the family will be strong and whether the marriage will not break up in the first year or month? And what needs to be done so that love, which is almost always present at the very beginning of a relationship, does not fade away over time? The Universal Laws of Relationships are the answer! These laws and rules need to be known and observed; following them, in many ways, is the guarantor of the future of the family.

So, what do you need to know and do to build a strong family?

Laws of a happy marriage:

1. Law of correspondence, which sounds like this - Love prefers equals, and long-term relationships even more so. Those who say that all people are equal are lying or greatly mistaken. People are not equal - they are different in their level of strength, intelligence, potential, goals, values, etc. Two people who create a family must correspond to each other in many respects, they must be interested in each other. First of all, these are goals and values; there must be common vital interests, something that will unite two people. This is a guarantee that lovers will not only love each other, but also understand each other, and this is no less important than feelings in such an important matter as building a family.

Example. Most marriages, according to statistics, break up in the fall, after the holidays. Two people went on vacation together, there’s a lot of free time, but It turns out there is nothing to talk about, there is nothing that unites. And they understand that there is no point in staying together, because there is nothing in common, there are no topics for conversation, and the former love is no longer there either. When there are no common interests at all, the marriage is over.

2. Law of Love! This is the law of high feelings, which have nothing to do with banal sexual attraction and primitive bodily or psychological possession.

"Marriages are made in heaven"- true marriages are blessed by the Gods, it is when two Souls love and choose each other, and not when instinct hits the head and a person cannot control himself.

Love is a high spiritual feeling, it is not an emotion. True Love is the ability to step over any of your ambitions, selfishness, pride for the sake of love and your loved one, his happiness; it is the willingness to sacrifice your personal interests and even your life. Love is not about taking, but about giving, and this is the real happiness.

Love is the unity of the other four noble feelings -, and. Only these four feelings together will make your love strong, invulnerable and permanent. The art of love must be learned through the implementation of the other three Laws, which are described in this article.

3. Law of Communication! Any relationship is first and foremost communication. No communication - no relationship. This is perhaps the most important thing that should always be between the two loving people. Communication should be varied, pleasant and useful in all respects.

Nice talking- on all topics of interest - compliments, declarations of love, stories about your dreams and your life, discussion of plans for the future, philosophical debates on eternal topics, etc. Communication during evening walks, dinners, etc. Communication should not be empty or negative (gossip, washing bones, etc.), it should give joy, trust and knowledge of the inner world (Soul) of each other.

Useful communication. There will always be moments of disagreement, dissatisfaction with each other, etc. This cannot be avoided. Therefore, in a family, in order to prevent negativity from accumulating, time must be allocated for “useful communication.” In form, “Useful communication” is round tables in order to adequately prevent and resolve conflicts, express complaints in the correct form, to learn to listen and hear each other, and to find a compromise. I know many families who have survived precisely because of this unique form and have reached a new level of feelings, a depth of trust in each other, strengthened relationships, and are happy to this day. I also know families that fell apart because the husband and wife did not allocate time for communication and did not know how to negotiate with each other.

4. Law of Development! A family is created not only to give birth and raise children, and to continue the family line. And above all, so that two souls develop through each other, so that they go through many life lessons together. Happiness in a family is always ensured by joint growth, when two people develop together and individually. And when one grows, for example, makes a career, attends training, is active in life, and the second sits at home and does not strive for anything, does not grow - this sooner or later leads to the breakup of the family. The first one simply becomes not interested in the second one, he outgrows the second one.

This happens when, for example, a woman, after the birth of a child, decides to stay at home, not work, gives up her career and becomes a housewife, and in fact a household service staff. She gradually ceases to be bright, attractive and attractive to her husband, and this often leads to the fact that a man begins to be pulled to the left. Treason is always very bad, it is a crime. Why? We'll talk about cheating in the following articles. But in the described situation, a man naturally begins to be attracted to brighter, more expressive, active, ambitious ladies. Those who do not forget about themselves as a woman and want to please men. And not every man can resist temptation. It’s the same on the contrary, when a woman is active and grows, and a man remains passive and unambitious, aimless and does not change at all.

The ideal option is when both spouses are active in terms of personal growth, that is, they work on their shortcomings and reveal new facets of their own personality, new abilities and talents. Constant personal growth makes the soul, the inner world of a person rich; it will always be interesting to be with such a person. This is not a vegetable in the garden that doesn’t need anything, as long as it’s not touched.

For information about what human development is and about personal growth training, see.

Following these laws will allow you not only to save your family, but also to ensure that relationships, love, trust, respect and family happiness always grow!

Successes and victories on the family front :) Sincerely, author

Qualities and signs of a happy family

• Correctly set priorities. If your career comes first, then problems in the family simply cannot be avoided. The children are neglected, the husband is “unloved”, everyone is stressed.
• Don't be afraid of responsibility. Take responsibility for the atmosphere in the family. Blaming your partner will only make your relationship worse. Only you make your own life, no one is guiding you from above. Therefore, the mood in the family and other areas of life will depend only on you. You may have heard the phrase from others: “if our mother is in a bad mood, then the whole family is in a bad mood.”
• Private touches. Sometimes a person spends the whole day like a prickly hedgehog; no matter what you say to him, he snorts and frowns. And just one hug, one touch or one kiss melts an icy heart and the mood lifts by itself.
• Pleasant surprises. Do something you don’t usually do to spice up your life: passionate SMS, little present, a boat trip for two, etc.
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• Maintaining personal boundaries. Don't monitor your partner or children every second. The first one needs to get bored and rest so that feelings can start playing again, while the second one needs to learn independence and socialization without your support.
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• Accepting your partner as he is. A common cause of quarrels in couples is attempts to change the partner, his habits, principles, etc.

Any person wants care, understanding and warmth. The home in which he finds all these qualities becomes familiar and irreplaceable. It is a pleasure to return to such a place. Besides, you want to pay for good with good.

In a happy family, they try to control their primary emotions, because screaming and angry words will not achieve anything. They remain in the memory forever and gradually spoil the relationship. Thinking and understanding people help deal with problems, and do not just scold them for them. This attitude is much nicer than condemnation and anger.

In addition, a happy couple is not irritated by each other’s minor flaws and idiosyncrasies. They understand that fighting over socks or the toilet lid not being lowered is stupid. If you love each other, then accept all the little things and don’t fight over trifles. It is precisely such nuances that spoil the mood, but they spoil it for those who are looking for it themselves.

• One of the brightest signs of a successful union is attention . This applies to a haircut, a new tie, a change in habit and many similar things. But besides this, there is another kind of attention, which is expressed in the ability to listen, give practical advice, not interrupt the interlocutor and be sincerely interested in his life.

Everyone noticed that sometimes their soul mate buzzed with all their ears about the importance of the upcoming event, and when it passed, then dear person didn't even ask about it. Everyone's memory is different, but when you truly love and respect a person, then you also worry about his affairs.

As for attention, this is a very broad topic, which is one of the most important criteria for a happy family. Attention is the ability to hear the desires, dreams and tastes of another. Give long-awaited gifts, buy favorite flowers, and don’t even forget that he likes to dilute his tea with cream, not milk.

• An equally striking sign of a happy relationship is considered self-sacrifice . This does not mean that you need to throw yourself out of a window or in front of a train if someone else has done so. You can sacrifice time, your favorite things and comfort. You need to be able to lovingly share a delicious cake, blanket, jacket. Caring people, first of all, are interested in the opinion and desire of others, and only then express their own.
• In a happy family no hard feelings , and all objections are delivered in a calm tone and without complaints. Kind words and compliments are not flattery, but love that you want to express. Perhaps respect is the most correct synonym for a happy family. Without him, the relationship will quickly die.

Relationships between parents and children

If the family already has children, then the situation changes little. You make the choice to be happy or not, and the child absorbs it all. It is on the example of his parents that he builds his worldview and marriage system. Of course, he should also have his own opinion and mood, but it is much more pleasant to get along with your child rather than fight.

Children in a happy family also become happy, because everything is interconnected. When you are constantly given warmth and care, you yourself want to give it all in return. You won’t want to run away from such a house or come too late. You will want to return there, because they will help you cope with any difficulties and problems.

For a child, a healthy and happy family means sincerity, calmness and devotion. It is important for him that actions are proven not only by words, but also by actions, because this is building trust. They want to hear advice that will help them solve their problems, not just comments and complaints. And children also need compliments, because each of us loves with our ears.

Kids most of all need approval and support, because mom and dad are the authority for them. If they find time for him, help and listen, then various complexes are automatically eliminated. It has already been proven that most problems with the psyche and self-esteem come from childhood. Usually such children grow up in families where people bullied and abused them. bad habits, were constantly busy or often scolded.

In order to understand how to become a happy family, it is important to understand that a lot depends not only on you, but also on the other person. If you have already thought about how to make your family happy, then this is great progress. You must understand what doesn't suit you and what things spoil your relationship. It is best to make a list on a piece of paper for clarity.

Spend more time writing down the causes of conflicts. Write down absolutely all the little things that you remember. Keep in mind that you need to indicate not only the faults and mistakes of your loved one, but also your own. It is honesty that will show that you are also not an ideal person and others are also having a hard time.

Then look through your list and try to come out of each situation with dignity. Act out the scene and come up with other words and expressions that will lead to peace rather than war. You can do this in private, or you can offer this game to your spouse or boyfriend in advance.

Tell your partner that you dream of creating a happy family and ask his opinion. We assure you that you will be fully reciprocated. Making decisions and discussing problems together will help you get each other's opinions. If you were constantly arguing and fighting, then after this conversation everything will not change in one day. At first you will control yourself, break down somewhere and apologize, but then you will be genuinely happy - automatically.

Creating peace in the home is work that will sooner or later be rewarded. There are several secrets And recipes for a happy family:

1. Think before you voice your emotions . Very often, all conflicts occur because of little things that affect accumulated anger. It’s not true that you need to take your anger out on people, because you can get rid of it with the help of sports, good movie or going to an attraction. And what doesn’t suit you needs to be discussed at moments when you feel good.
2. It is not difficult to give unexpected gifts and arrange surprises . A note with a declaration of love, secretly hidden in your spouse’s pocket, requires absolutely no investment. If you don’t have money for flowers, then sometimes you can pick the same dandelions to show your care. And if you buy a bouquet, then buy your favorite one, and not the one that is conveniently sold near the house. It is important to listen and take note of desires that are randomly spoken out loud and try to fulfill them whenever possible.
3. There is no need to be afraid to give compliments, because beautiful words man blossoms . Just don’t confuse compliments with flattery, because they feel it right away. The point is that we often notice some details about our loved one that we like, but decide not to talk about them.
4. Praise your loved ones for what they do for you . When there is feedback, then there is a desire to repeat good deeds. Try to be grateful for the food prepared, for the things put away, for the fact that they simply hold the door for you. Don’t think that everyone owes you, even though people do it selflessly.
5. Maintain passion with your loved one . Arrange romantic evenings, buy beautiful lingerie, send SMS with intimate words or even photos, if you have done this before. Warm up your feelings and don’t think that there can’t be something new in your life.
6. Keep track of your home wardrobe . If you are already a family, this does not mean that you can relax as much as possible. In the end, there is a comfortable but beautiful clothes for home. Why do we so often buy things for going out or for work, but wear T-shirts and tights on the sofa to the holes?
7. Take care of yourself . Nobody talks about round-the-clock hair styling and luxurious makeup. You can look simple, but well-groomed. It is important to constantly maintain body hygiene, walk with clean hair, etc. Girls can make masks when their loved one is at work, so as not to scare him.
8. If you have a quarrel, be the first to make up . Such a gesture means that you do not want to continue your conflict, but love the person so much that you forget about pride. Believe me, such a step will definitely be appreciated.
9. Be interested in activities and the past day . Sometimes a person expects you to ask him about it and does not tell him himself. Unjustified expectations accumulate grievances, but it is easier not to create them. Attention to the life of another is the basis of a happy family.
10. Ask each other council. This also applies important purchases, and life situations. Keep in mind that if you are interested, then be kind enough to follow this instruction, because otherwise it will have the opposite effect.
11. Show care in small things . You can always close the door and not talk loudly on the phone when your loved one is sleeping. It’s also easy to just clean his shoes at the same time as yours. There are a lot of similar moments and you are mistaken in the fact that others do not notice them.
12. Support your loved one when they feel bad . All people make mistakes and at these moments they feel especially depressed. Even if you disagree with the action of another, the person himself has realized his mistake, so you should not finish him off. By the way, it can also be bad physically. Even with a regular flu, you want to feel a little support. It's very easy to make tea or bring a blanket when you really care about someone.
13. You also need to share your thoughts and secrets . What kind of happy family can we talk about if people don’t know anything about each other?
14. You should eradicate selfishness in yourself . This is an incredibly bad quality that quickly ruins relationships. You need to understand that your loved one also has certain interests. Sometimes you can go to a genre of film that he likes or have lunch at a cafe that has your spouse's favorite dessert. It is best to agree that each of you does not mind sometimes sacrificing something familiar.
15. Respect your loved one's friends, acquaintances and relatives . These are his family and only he has the right to condemn them for something.

Myths about family happiness

Even in a happy family there may be some shortcomings, but usually they are related to personal attitudes. Many people mistake other values ​​for peace and quiet in the home. Let's look at the most popular myths:

• Some believe that happy relationship in the family fall from the sky. People think that two people are just lucky and are just compatible based on horoscope, temperament, or other stupid details. But there are no absolutely ideal people and everyone has their own shortcomings and problems. You build your own happiness.
• People think they are simply not cut out for a family. . For example, they do not have relationships or they cannot conceive a child. One of the couple decides that this is fate and loneliness is their lot. However, everyone can have difficulties, and well-being must be earned through one’s own efforts.
• The opinion about single-parent family who can't be happy . Single parents raise their children well and love them for both. Even a lack of funds or the absence of a loved one cannot spoil relationships where they are strong and sincere. Marriage without children is another matter, but it may also have its reasons. There are people who live their whole lives for themselves and are happy about it, because they initially discussed their desire. There are also those who cannot have a child, but love always helps them find a way out. Very often, with a sincere desire, miracles happen, and sometimes a couple decides to adopt.
• The myth about prosperity, without which it is impossible, is especially funny. happy marriage . Very often, quarrels and conflicts occur in families where there is a lot of money. There, people could initially choose a partner not out of love, but out of self-interest. Yes, finances matter nowadays, but they are not the basis of everything. In a family where both partners love, everyone tries, and everyone sees the other’s aspirations.
• People also believe that in a happy family there are no difficulties and disagreements . Similar things happen to everyone, but right attitude exists only in a prosperous union. A quarrel is not only about insulting and humiliating each other, but also about expressing your thoughts and desires. Even a conflict can take place quite peacefully.

In fact, there are a lot of such myths and misconceptions. Sometimes people don’t want to try and simply change people, in the hope that they got the wrong person, and that the ideal half is already somewhere nearby. Many should understand that we ourselves are the architects of our own happiness, because it is not for nothing that this expression has existed for so many centuries.

Practical advice from 37 years of experience in a happy family life. How to save family and marriage?