Breastfeeding on demand is truly the best solution for mom and baby, especially in the first months after birth. However, the older he gets, the easier it is to accustom the baby to a flexible regime, and explain that the breast belongs to the mother, and not to him. Thanks to this, you can avoid problems in the future when a child older than one year requires feeding, for example, public place. Nina Zaichenko, a breastfeeding consultant, tells how to cope with the problem.
Modern trends are as follows: you need to breastfeed your baby for as long as possible. Nobody argues with this, however, there are nuances here. Feeding on demand, as it turned out, is also very correct solution, it is more physiological for the baby and helps increase lactation. In addition, during the first 6 months with this regimen, with mandatory night feeding, the mother does not ovulate, that is, this is a kind of natural contraception.
However, the older the child becomes, the easier it is for him to accept feeding by the hour, in a flexible form, of course. This is especially true for children older than 6 months, who, as a rule, have digestive organs and an enzyme system that are already ready to process food other than mother’s milk. WHO recommendations for breastfeeding up to 2 years of age imply that the baby eats mother's milk less and less, and his main diet should be adult food.
It often happens that a baby who should already be eating complementary foods refuses it, or eats too little, choosing his mother’s breast. The problem, as a rule, is that the mother herself is not ready for separation and subconsciously encourages this with the baby’s behavior. It is important to understand that after one year of age, mother’s milk alone is not enough for a child to fully grow and develop. After all, the baby has already learned to actively move - crawl and walk, he needs energy for the development of muscles and brain, more protein, vitamins and minerals, and only nutritious complementary foods can provide all this. Feeding on demand, if it persists after a year, interferes with the baby's separation and does him a disservice.
- Try to feed your baby at approximately the same time, not harshly, with deviations, but as close as possible. After 6 months, the baby will gradually get used to it and will ask to eat at the right time - this will make it easier for everyone, including the baby. If you are with your child 24 hours a day, after 6 months it’s time to accustom him and yourself to the fact that he can be without you for some time. To begin with, determine the day of the week and time when you will leave home, leaving the baby with your husband, grandmother, or sister. Use this time profitably - go to the cinema, to the hairdresser, buy a new dress. Ideally, whoever stays with the baby can feed him the complementary foods that you have already introduced.
- Gradually do such absences more often - 2-3 times a week. This way, the baby will get used to the fact that he can exist for some time without his mother. At the same time, he will not remain hungry.
- After a year, agree with your baby that you will breastfeed him only in a certain place, and later - only at a certain time. So small man learns to understand that the decision about feeding is made by the mother, not he.
For more tips and recommendations, watch Nina Zaichenko’s video
Source: YouTube, author Nina Zaichenko - all about breastfeeding
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Nina Zaichenko founded and runs the largest store selling slings in Ukraine, “Slingopark”, is a consultant not only on babywearing, but also on breastfeeding, and also runs a beauty channel on YouTube, where she has more than 80 thousand subscribers. And with all this, she is a happy wife and mother of two children. With your story of motherhood, the secrets of building happy relationship without disputes and scandals, Nina shared her ability to forgive everything and be on time with HotMamLIFE.
The online store of maternity underwear HotMam.com.ua, together with Hubs, publishes columns every Thursday by a heroine who started a business in maternity leave. Today we have Nina Zaichenko, founder of the Slingopark company, beauty blogger, mother of daughter Dasha (7 years old) and son Fyodor (2 years old).
About pregnancy
My first pregnancy was at 23 and it was very difficult. This is how I evaluate it now, after my second pregnancy and from the height of my current experience.
I’m the kind of person who doesn’t panic about anything at all, and I approach everything that happens simply: “Well, it happens, it happens.” So, during my first pregnancy, some nonsense happened with the blood vessels, after which I could not recover for several more years. I couldn’t play sports, I felt bad, I could lose consciousness.
I was in the hospital because of doctors shouting: “Oh God, you have swelling, you need a hospital!”, or “You’ve been walking too long, it’s already 41 weeks, you need a hospital.”
My first birth - C-section. I don't know why this happened. The doctors convinced me, and I believed them so much.
If I, with my head now, were returned to that time, there would not have been a Caesarean, I would have given birth myself. Now I understand that this is all wrong. And it took a toll on my health.
The second pregnancy, which occurred at age 29, was much simpler. I felt better. I worked throughout my pregnancy, ate right, ran and jumped, and gave birth naturally, without a doctor.
After a cesarean section, there is little chance that the doctor will allow you to give birth naturally. Therefore, I tried to do everything to give birth on my own, and after giving birth, my husband and I went to the maternity hospital and finished the process there. It was easy, normal and not painful. But for this you need to read, understand what is happening, how the birth process should proceed in general, and when you should or should not panic, and what to be prepared for. This choice is a matter of responsibility.
As a piece of advice to mothers, I can say: use your head during pregnancy. Doctors are not kings and gods who will save you from everything in the world. Use your head, read more, find out in detail what is happening to you, feel yourself, and everything will turn out great both in pregnancy and childbirth.
About the postpartum period
The main thing after childbirth is to recover. Today, unfortunately, our culture of this process has been completely killed by the Soviet Union.
Whatever the way of birth, after it the mother’s belly disappears, it becomes easier for her to walk, and she thinks: “Wow, I’m so active mom, I’ll take the child, and go back and forth with him, and quickly do everything, wash the floors, and cook food.” But in reality, you need to give yourself a “stop” and give yourself time for postpartum recovery.
You need to rest as much as possible and lie on your back to restore the pelvic organs. Lie on your right side - feed with your right breast, on your left side - with your left breast. A newborn child does not require walking with him. And that’s all - spend the first 1.5 months like this while the placental area heals and the baby adapts to the new world. And then you can start walking.
Understand that there is no need to walk outside for hours with your child in a stroller from the first day. There is no need to worry about the food, whether it was prepared in advance, not the freshest, or that you ate dumplings today. True, the main thing is rest. Don’t stress yourself, don’t make yourself depressed or push yourself. Remember that: “I’m cool. I love myself very much, I’m very beautiful, I take care of myself.”
It’s also good when there are helpers at home who will be nearby and can do some housework.
About education
Education is such a tough word, behind which stands as if such a strong and powerful process that can be controlled. In fact, it is clear that who we are is how our children will be. This is our mirror. We can only somehow influence ourselves, although this is doubtful, because everyone has already influenced us, whoever could.
What can we somehow try to do for children? Hope we grow up good father or mother.
In my understanding, humanity exists to continue. Every living creature differs from non-living creatures in that it can create its own kind. And the person we are raising is the future father or mother. If you build on this, you won’t ask questions like: “Should I be scolded for getting bad marks at school?” or “Does he need to walk, read, and write earlier?”
I am raising a little mother who will grow up and become big mom. What would I want this mother to give to her child? I want her to be the kind of mother who loves, which means I am the kind of mother who loves. I want her to be the kind of mother who values goodness and brings it to her children. I try to be exactly the same for my children. The kind of mother I am to my child, the same way she will be to hers.
Accordingly, I imagine what kind of mother I am and what kind of mother I want my child to be. And this is how I evaluate my actions. And you need to understand that expecting results right now is stupid. What we do now is always a result for later. Karmic law.
Sometimes doubts happen. But I know that we have the answer to every question within us. If a complex issue arises that we cannot solve, we can imagine how this happens in nature. Should I sleep with my baby or will I ruin him? What do you think, if you were on a desert island, would you put a child in the bushes where he would be dragged away, or would you sleep with him? Here is the answer to the question in nature. And now, what resonates within you is what you use as a starting point when making decisions about your upbringing.
I am the kind of mom I am comfortable being. I'm comfortable, I sleep with the baby. If not, we sleep separately. It's simple.
It is important for children that their parents love them equally and devote time to them. This is also important for us, as children of our parents. And the rest is trifles.
It is also very important not to give everything to the child. No matter how much we say that I am doing all this for the child for free, then our subconscious gives us bugs in the form: “Now you owe me everything.” I imagine myself, from whom my parents demand everything. And live with them until the end of my days, because they gave me everything... We, so young and smart, now understand and say: “No, I won’t be like that.” And, in fact, then we come to this. Therefore, it is important to give so much to the child so as not to demand anything from him later.
About guilt
When you have doubts about yourself as a mother, you just need to ask yourself: “What should I do for my child to feel like a good mother?” And when I ask myself, I get options, assess how much the child needs it, and what’s important, I’ll do it.
In fact, all a child needs is for his mother to be nearby.
If we are talking about spirituality, then the child came into your family knowing what kind of mother he would have, he chose you himself and you are the coolest for him. There is no point in reproaching yourself for something. You do your best: you love him, you look at him, you are next to him - and this is already cool. For him, you are a mother as you are. And the best.
I am a very lazy person and I will not force myself to do something that I am not capable of. And let someone try to reproach me for doing something wrong. Who will reproach me, who is he? A mother should have a huge filter in her head for all incoming information, even from doctors.
About slings
My daughter did not recognize the stroller at all and really loved riding in the sling. My son, on the contrary, spends very little time in the sling and doesn’t like it at all. He likes to ride in his stroller and be alone, which is great.
For everything to be okay with a child, he needs happy mom. If mom is happy with the help of a sling, great. If mom is happy with dad’s help, great. If it's with coffee, great.
When I advise people on slings, I always emphasize the following: “You have now come to buy something not for the child, but for yourself. You make yourself happy. And if mom is happy, everyone else is happy.”
About relationships with my husband
My husband and I were together for many years, then we got married when we were quite old together. And we already know how to live with each other. Therefore, children in our family are a continuation of the family, a new level, and not as something that rolled back or created an obstacle.
This can be compared to a multi-level game. The higher the level, the more difficult it is, the more interesting it is to complete and the more valuable the victory.
Knowing how to avoid conflict is something that should happen before getting married. My husband and I have been living together since 2002, 13 years, and I can’t imagine what should and can be done to bring about conflict in the family. For me this is nonsense.
Conflicts occur when someone blames someone else for something, is dissatisfied with something, or lacks something. There could be a million reasons. The only question is why they brought it to this point, why they didn’t discuss it earlier, why they brought it to a scandal? If there is a problem, you need to sit down and discuss it, and find a way out of it. For me it is.
I know that it is very difficult to identify your own needs. Behind my every complaint, dissatisfaction, there is always a need. If I say: “You’re coming too late.” In fact, what is my need? I want you to be near me, I need attention or support. And it’s not that a woman hates a man, she wants male attention. It’s difficult for the mother herself to get to the bottom of it, because it’s in her head: “He’s to blame.” In fact, you need to look for the resource within yourself.
There is such a method - the method of nonviolent communication (NVC), which helps to understand real needs.
The secret of my husband and I being happy life together is the ability to understand your needs.
If I know what I need, I just come and say: “You know, dear, I understand, I need this.” Even if you kill yourself, you have to do it, otherwise there will be grief. And he understands this perfectly, because he has his own needs.
Everything in the family should be supportive. Understand who I'm going against, I love him. When someone does something out of spite, this is no longer a family.
This can be difficult for women, especially when they are emotional or have raging hormones. But it’s important to understand this, write it somewhere with an indelible marker and read it every time such thoughts come to mind.
How to combine work and motherhood
I started working with my daughter in my arms when she was 7 months old. Absolutely no problem. Dasha is very “convenient”, she went to work with me and she liked everything, she had a lot of her own activities.
My son has a completely different character, and it was impossible to go to work with him. If he sees that his mother is busy with something other than him, he throws hysterics. That's why there is a nanny for him. And he feels so good. He is a very active boy.
Now I have working hours - from 10 to 19, when I am at work. At this time, a nanny is with the children. In the evening I am always with the children. Weekends are family time. Plus, several times a year we all go on vacation together.
Literature
Marshall Rosenberg, The Language of Life. Nonviolent communication" - as a way to identify your needs and resolve conflicts specifically in the family.
Tips for moms
I don't believe in motivation. You can never force yourself to want to do something, engage in something or not. If I want something, I do it. If I don’t want to, there are millions of reasons why I won’t do it. Those who want find ways, those who do not want find reasons. What fear can there be if I really want it?
Motivation is self-deception and self-hypnosis, it is some kind of struggle with oneself. And if there is a struggle, then we cannot say that there is some great internal desire.
Therefore, follow your desires in work, in business, in family.
