Often, love and jealousy are very closely related. A person who has the most sincere feelings for the object of his sympathies is also inclined to experience jealousy.

“And will he / she leave me as a friend?” Why is he talking so politely with him? Why is she flirting with him? ” - Such thoughts often arise in the minds of lovers.

How can one stop being jealous? What to do and how to behave?

There is an opinion that if a person is jealous, then he loves. That is, he experiences certain feelings, takes care and does everything so that betrayal does not happen. However, if we consider this statement in more detail, it is unlikely that we will have to talk about love.

The question is how strongly the feelings of one's own ego are manifested. It’s not a secret to anyone that each person is, to a certain extent, selfish. He tries in various ways to improve his life, while thinking primarily about himself. Sometimes he is not interested in what happens to other people at these moments, what emotions they experience.

Of course, this manifests itself in different ways for everyone: for someone more, for someone less. But the essence of this does not change.

Therefore, in order to simplify their communication with others, people try to form in their heads a certain image for everyone around.

For example, Sasha talked with Masha and concluded that she was an honest, kind, sincere girl. As soon as she changes her behavior, or if she does what Petya does not want, he will have thoughts like: “That's it, Masha is bad, I'm disappointed in her.”

This example is a little exaggerated, it examines the simplest situation that may arise. Just to make it clear how the images of others are formed.

Returning to the relationship between a man and a woman when treason occurs. Moreover, it doesn’t matter from whose side it happened, the scheme is the same. People get acquainted, communicate, get to know each other better. In the future, they have certain feelings in relation to each other, the result of all this may be intimacy. And the most important thing is that everyone has a certain image of a partner, which may not even fully correspond to reality.

Consider the very basis of the manifestation of jealousy: a person has certain fantasies in which the object of his sympathy appears in nonexistent, fictional situations. But didn’t this really happen? No. Then why come up with all this? Maybe you should talk with your loved one on this topic, instead of coming up with something that is not?

Because, sometimes, in our imagination you can think of a lot. And this is much easier than agreeing to a frank conversation. Therefore, the main answer to the question "How to stop being jealous?" is the simple answer: change the attitude. There is no need to invent non-existent images, and then sit and worry that something from the invented can happen. In life, a lot can happen. For example, an earthquake, flood, or something else. And if you imagine all this every day, then you can just go crazy.

The basis of jealousy, as a rule, is not love, but the manifestation of one's own ego. We want someone to meet our expectations. And people, at times, are completely different. And it will be very important to accept them as they are. Therefore, do not make scandals and beat the dishes if your lover just greeted someone or your lover smiled at someone. Again, this example is exaggerated to make it clearer.

In conclusion, it is worth saying the following: if you really want to forget about the feeling of jealousy - learn to control your emotions and stop coming up with nonexistent situations. It only pushes you into a dead end. Learn to accept people for who they are!

Sooner or later, every person at least once in a lifetime will encounter such a feeling as jealousy. Jealousy affects a large number of people. What is the nature of this feeling? Is jealousy a sign of love? Or is it a symbol of human egoism? In any case, this problem is enormous. Almost every women's magazine published at least one jealousy test. Glossy publications are full of articles about this feeling. Jealousy, quotes about which can be found in almost any book, has become a part of human life. What will lead us And is the statement “jealousy is a sign of love” true? Let's understand the nature of this feeling.

Jealousy - what is it?

Jealousy itself is destructive. Its basis is dissatisfaction, distrust or the desire to take revenge on another person. The attitude of a man toward a woman is often accompanied by similar emotions. What is this talking about? That jealousy is a sign of a man’s love or a sign of his self-doubt? In most cases, any manifestation of this feeling is an explosive cocktail of several emotions. wives, children or girlfriends, intertwined with other negative feelings: resentment, anger, longing, loneliness - pushes a person to commit acts that often have unpleasant consequences. Therefore, it is necessary to find the strength to curb it.

Is jealousy a sign of love?

Many believe that this feeling is one of many manifestations of love. But is it? Of course, we will be jealous only of those people who mean a lot to us. However, if a person experiences such a feeling, then this does not mean that he loves. Therefore, jealousy has some other sources than love. The simplest jealousy test will help you realize what caused this feeling. After you notice at least a small fraction of jealousy in yourself, conduct an introspection and try to understand what its origins are. Next, we give several possible options.

Fear of Treason

The attitude of a man towards a woman is very often accompanied by jealousy. This feeling is extremely closely connected with the concept of treason. Jealousy in its simplest form is the fear that a loved one can betray. Or this is the feeling that appears when a jealous girl finds out about committing treason. When a person shows this feeling, he pursues the desire to protect himself from the betrayal of his partner. However, very often the opposite happens.

Projection of complexes on another person

In most cases, a sense of jealousy is insecurity in oneself and in one's worthiness. It can manifest itself both in fear of failure, and in jealousy. Relationships with another person often serve as a way to support one's self-esteem. That is why they are so significant.

Sense of ownership

Jealousy can result from the desire to possess a person, as well as to keep everything under control. Quotes of great people often mention this. Again, the source of such behavior is most likely to be internal complexes, discomfort and self-doubt.

Unjustified expectations

A feeling of jealousy can arise even when we assign certain expectations to a person, but he does not justify them. In most cases, such expectations are associated with trust.

Control of another's fate

With the help of power over another person, we are trying to create stable living conditions for ourselves. By controlling other people's actions, we can prevent changes in relationships, and this is how we maintain the stability of our own lives. However, this is only an illusion, since total control is simply impossible. As a result, distrust and a feeling of jealousy appear.

As you can see, jealousy is the deepest experience of man. However, this feeling may also be different. A child can be jealous of parents and vice versa. You can experience this feeling in relation to a friend or to a loved one. How to classify it and what are its sources?

Sibling rivalry

In fact, jealousy is trying to find a secluded place in your life in early childhood, that is, when you are not yet able to defend yourself properly from it. She quietly approaches you from behind and whispers in her ear: “Look! Your mother treated the neighbor girl with candy! But she could give it to you. Mom doesn't love you. She loves that girl more than you! ” At first you just try to whisper to her, but jealousy is a persistent lady. She will remind you of herself over and over again. When dad will pick up another child, when he will praise the successes of his older sister, when parents will advise them to take an example from their younger brother. Then you really get scared. What if they really don't like you? Why don’t you get the attention of your parents? After all, they said that you will be loved by them in any case. Then jealousy will triumph.

Everyone has this feeling in their own way. Someone will immediately come up and pull the braid of the very neighborly girl that your parents had carelessly caressed. And someone will hold a grudge for life and will regularly remind the aged mom and dad about what they have done.

Friendly jealousy

And life goes on. You grow up, go to school, graduate, work. And your constant friend - jealousy - does not leave you for even a minute. You will make new acquaintances, join the company, communicate with colleagues at work. And she, in turn, will quietly strengthen her position.

Have you made or friend? Excellent! It couldn't have been better! For jealousy, this is an uncowed field. And you already hear her whisper: “Look! She hasn’t called you the second day already. Surely she is busy with those with whom she is interested in talking. “Would you like to call and say everything that you think about this traitor?” Needless to say, as soon as you begin to succumb to such impulses, all your friendship will crumble brick by brick.

How does this jealousy manifest itself? When you go to a cafe with a girlfriend, you are ready to discuss only the two of you. People who call her on her cell phone literally cause you physical pain. You become furious if a friend does not answer your call or, even worse, refuses to walk together.

Love and jealousy

Perhaps a loved one is the tidbit for jealousy. Indeed, there is where to fame for a walk. You have not yet had time to fully enjoy the candy-bouquet period of your first love, to feel the whole emotional palette of first love, and she has long matured an action plan. Hurry up, you still have a lot to do!

To get started, read all of his SMS messages and correspondence on social networks. Check his notebook for female names. Do not forget to hack email! Interview all the acquaintances and friends: who knows, maybe they already saw him by the handle with a new passion. It is extremely important to control every call, as well as the schedule of movement around the city. Do not forget to immediately throw a scandal, if he lingers somewhere at least for ten minutes. After this scandal, he should delete all numbers marked with female names: this includes former girls, classmates, and work colleagues. Of women, you allow only yourself and his relatives, and then the closest.

Jealousy

If you succeeded in controlling yourself and not destroying at least one romantic relationship, creating a family, then the next danger that lies in wait for you is the birth of a child. Can you imagine? You raise your baby, give him all the love that you are capable of, and all of yourself at the same time. But here he is growing, he suddenly makes new friends, your influence on the child every day is becoming less and less. Now he loves not only mom and dad. New objects for adoration appear on its horizon. What will be expressed your resentment and confusion? In the worst case, you will become intrusive to patronize your child. And when the child grows up, he will categorically declare that you broke his life.

Ask yourself: do you need such a finale? Then tell this feeling an unshakable “no” and slam the door in his face. Forget the old saying that if a person is jealous, then he loves. Not true. If he is jealous - he does not trust, doubts, craves attention, but does not love.

A strong feeling sometimes makes us behave monstrously towards the one we are in love with. We will cover five common types of unhealthy manifestations of “love” and how to deal with them.

Jealousy

This is not about the usual injections of jealousy that everyone can experience. Painful jealousy is dangerous when an unpleasant feeling captures completely. In such cases, paranoid thoughts may even arise. An example is the scene of the film “The English Patient”, in which the protagonist, seeing her lover dancing with another man, attacks her with accusations and insults, and then reveals her wishes in the phrase: “I want what belongs to me.”

The causes of such jealousy

Sometimes jealousy has an objective basis - for example, if there have already been betrayals.
  The acquired patterns (stable patterns) from the family: observation of jealous relations between parents, jealousy of parents in relation to a small child, forced struggle for parents' attention.

Unpleasant situations in the past relationship: for example, they ended due to treason.
  Sometimes acute jealousy can be a sign of a mental disorder.

It happens that the lack of talk about feelings, support and closeness creates a feeling of insecurity in relationships, causing jealousy.

What to do?

It is important to strengthen intimacy in relationships: the safer and more trusting they are, the less jealousy. To do this, you should honestly and openly talk with your partner about your feelings and feelings, and also work on accepting the partner in his feelings. In no case do not "troll" and use jealousy as an object for manipulation - this is a dangerous game.

Passive aggression

When we encounter sarcasm, sabotage, procrastination, or unconscious sabotage, this is often a sign of passive aggression (aggression in which tension does not find a direct way out).

Causes of Passive Aggression

Passive aggression is connected with the fact that a person does not know how to express emotions directly. Such a behavior pattern is formed in childhood - for example, parents themselves did not express emotions or did not allow the child to do so. Thus, a person has an internal prohibition on expressing his feelings.

What to do?

If you notice signs of passive aggression, then:

track how it manifests itself, in what situations, what you say or do;
  analyze what your feelings are behind this (and what is their reason);
  try to express your emotions in plain text, for example, instead of “It’s good to be you, no responsibility” say “Sweetheart, when you don’t do what we agreed on, I’m very angry because I feel that I’m not important.”

If a loved one shows feelings through passive aggression, you can help him by saying at this moment: “I see, are you angry now, tell me why?” It’s easy to answer, instead of showing aggression, it’s not easy, but correctly speaking the emotions of another person, you help him to recognize them and, as a result, change the behavior model.

Control

The desire to control is expressed in:

prohibitions to do something (“Do not go to a party with friends”);
  requirements to report on all movements ("Where were you? Why there? And who were you with? What were you talking about? And then what did you do?");
  checking someone else’s phone, reading SMS, mail and other personal correspondence;
  tying a person to himself through the creation of a sense of his own indispensability (for example, one partner knows where what is in the house, and the other does not know).

Causes of Control

The formation of a desire to control, as in the case of jealousy, is influenced by previously learned patterns of behavior or the absence of true intimacy in a relationship. For example, parents controlled each other or each step of the child or a person feels that the relationship is getting cold, but instead of direct dialogue, he begins to control the partner, thus defending himself and trying to save the relationship.

What to do?

It is necessary to discuss common values, ideas about relationships with a partner and, on the basis of this, establish rules that suit everyone. No one is obliged to live by the rules that make him unhappy. For example, both partners consider treason unacceptable, then both maintain relations with the opposite sex at the platonic level, but if one of the partners believes that there is nothing wrong with treason, then no control will help.

Dissolution in the partner

Dissolution is a condition when one or both partners cease to understand where their feelings, thoughts and desires, and where - the other person, it is like a merger. Remember Chekhov's “Darling”? This is it.

In this state, it is difficult for a person to answer the questions:

“What do I want?”;
  “What are my personal needs?”;
“What are my plans and aspirations?”

Causes of “dissolution” in the partner

Children's experience, including traumatic, has not sufficiently formed the ability to set personal boundaries (the ability to protect a sense of identity, independence and "be yourself"). For example, if a child was not given the opportunity to have their own space or disagree with something that parents offer, then in adulthood it will be difficult for him to hear himself and his needs.
  Dissolving in a partner is also possible because of fear of rejection: for a person, the most terrible is parting. This leads to attempts to please the partner, the desire to follow him everywhere.
  Romantic ideas about relationships (“True love is when all the time together, when emotions overwhelm, when we can’t live without each other”) can lead to a merger with a partner.

What to do?

Answer yourself the following questions:

“What is important and valuable to you personally in a relationship and for individual happiness?”;
  “Is there a place in your life for personal hobbies and development?”;
  "In what situations do you experience unpleasant feelings?";
  "How do you get out of unpleasant situations?"
  Set new boundaries by talking openly with your partner about your and his wishes.
  Agree on new rules: for example, on Saturdays spend time on personal hobbies or meet with your friends.

Gazlighting

Gazliting is a form of psychological manipulation and violence in order to make the victim doubt his own adequacy of perception through:

denial of emotions ("It seems to you that you are angry, but it is not so");
  denial of facts ("Are you really? I never did that");
  hints of mental ill health ("She cries because something is wrong with her").

You can see a striking example of the use of gaslighting in the film "Gaslight" (Gaslight, 1944), thanks to which the term itself appeared. In this film, as an example of the relationship between the heroine, Ingrid Bergman and her husband can very clearly see how the methods of gaslighting can almost drive you crazy.

The reasons for the occurrence of gaslighting

Gazlighting is periodically used by almost every person - for example, because of real forgetfulness or unwillingness to recognize the truth of another.

But if in a couple there is a systematic depreciation of someone’s feelings, then the aggressor partner may have a mental disorder (a state of mind that is different from the norm), for example, a narcissistic personality disorder. Mental disorders are formed as a result of a complex interaction of biological (genetics) and social (education, environment, traumatic events) factors.

What to do?

In the case of “innocent” gaslighting, an open conversation about your feelings can help: “When you say that this was not, I feel unpleasant, as I begin to doubt my adequacy. Therefore, if in fact you remember what it was, then I ask you to admit it, and if you are not sure, then say directly that you definitely do not remember. ” If a person used this “trick” unconsciously, then most likely he will go forward and acknowledge or think that, for example, it is difficult for him to be wrong.

In the case of a mental disorder, a person needs psychotherapy, it is impossible to recover on his own.

Those who encounter gaslighting as a victim should develop confidence in themselves and their feelings, as well as the ability to establish personal boundaries. Professional assistance may also be required, as gaslighting contributes to the development of serious psychological problems for the victim.

If the relationship for the most part brings joy, you love the partner and want to be with him for a long time, and he, in turn, meets and is ready to work together on the relationship, then you already have the foundation necessary for progress. If you are unhappy and unsure of your feelings, and the partner at the same time depreciates your emotions and claims, then, most likely, the two of you are not on the way.

From the very beginning of human existence, two important feelings arose - love and jealousy. Two completely opposite qualities are eternal companions of human relations. Even in the animal kingdom there is a second. It is not known what about love, although affection between a female and a male is constantly noted, but jealousy is always there. But what does it mean and why does jealousy arise in family relationships? A sign of what is the feeling, is it needed between a man and a woman and how does it affect the strength of marriage?

There are popular sayings “If he is jealous - he loves!”, “The stronger love, the stronger jealousy!”, “Jealousy is the shadow of love itself!” etc. This topic is devoted to poems, novels, treatises. Because of jealousy, there were wars, conflicts, people killed each other. But how interconnected are feelings?

They correctly say among the people that if they are jealous, then they are not indifferent. It should be understood that there are many types of jealousy. Some send this feeling to another person because of selfishness, the second because of fear of losing relationships. There is also a type of men and women suffering from mental illness. For them, jealousy is one of the manifestations of a mental disorder, moreover in a hysterical, dangerous form.

Can jealousy kill true love

Yes, unfortunately, this feeling simply destroys a strong relationship. This is about:

• cynical;
• rough;
• offensive;
• humiliating;
• baseless jealousy.

As a rule, it appears after the official entry into the marriage. It would seem that everything is fine, a complete idyll, the second half not only loves, but loves, but still there are reasons why jealousy and scandals arise. Moreover, both halves, both husband and wife, suffer from this “disease”. For such a person, complete and unconditional love is not enough; he will continue to torment, confidence will disappear.

Example - she got a phone call. And while the conversation lasts, pleasant, funny, he will rush from corner to corner, and feel anxiety, fear, an explosion of emotions. “Whoever is at that end of the pipe may be some kind of boyfriend with whom she wants to give me horns, or a girlfriend with whom they agree to go on a date with someone.” Not only is the jealous man overwhelmed by terrible thoughts, he also arranges for surveillance of his wife, or controls her regime, restricts contacts with friends and relatives.

The same thing happens with the jealous. It is unbearable for her to monitor how her husband communicates with former classmates, a cousin, girlfriends at the institute, and employees at work. And just like that, she spies on him, secretly studies his mobile phone, does not let her go to friends, relatives, etc. In short, comes to complete insanity. And what a shame, talking in this situation will not help anyone. There is an internal problem that needs to be solved gradually. You may need the help of an experienced psychologist, or even a psychiatrist.

Indeed, most often a person understands that he is suffering from a psychological ailment, but cannot do anything about himself. But why does this unfortunate jealousy arise, and what is it - a sign of distrust or that same true love?

A common example from life. “Larisa K. has been married for about 3 years. With Igor, they married out of great love and dreamed of living life together. But about a couple of weeks after the wedding, he was replaced. She could not communicate not only with friends and relatives of the opposite sex, but also with her friends.

He forbade her to visit her parents, demanded that they come to visit them. But for some time, the once cheerful and sociable Lara stopped appearing at family celebrations, both among her relatives and close spouses.

The thing is that for her it was not a vacation, but a test. Rather, she suffered after supper. It is impossible to spend time surrounded by people and not communicate with anyone. As soon as she exchanged a few words with someone she knew, the scandal was ensured. No, Igor never swore in front of outsiders. But his nervousness was felt by everyone, tension arose. And he composed everything, just to quickly retire from the celebration. At home, horror began. Cries, screams, accusations of infidelity, insults. On other days, he was a golden man, but pathological jealousy nullified all his efforts. ”

What is jealousy?

Jealousy is a versatile feeling. She can both strengthen marriage and completely destroy love.

Young people in the candy-floral period do not attach particular importance to this feeling. Moreover, “if he or she is jealous, that means he really loves and is afraid of losing love.” Agree, this situation can flatter any person. The situation means that there is no point in being afraid of losing the other half. Since "she is completely under my control and monitors how not to lose me." That is, there is a guarantee of the strength of the relationship. But experts say that getting on the "bait" of jealousy, a person risks losing his freedom. And not ordinary, but complete.

It is necessary from the very beginning to pay attention to the nature of the manifestation of feelings. If these are attacks in which a person is not able to restrain emotions, the help of a doctor, psychologist is necessary. Another thing is if a person tactfully shows that he is afraid of losing you. It's really love. And pathological jealousy is a complete distrust. In his thoughts, he sees you in terrible angles, deceiving, treacherous. Further, the ratio inside will deteriorate.

Only slight jealousy and love can be combined in a normal person, and they will strengthen the marriage, become an incentive for creating a full-fledged family, having children, etc.

The manifestation of feelings depends on the person himself, his character, temperament, upbringing, mental state. If he is able to control himself, that is, to control jealousy, everything will be in order. Indeed, most of the inhabitants of the planet are jealous, but not everyone knows how to curb quality. The ability to accurately express your dissatisfaction is worth a lot. It is to such a gallant opinion that, as a rule, the second half listens.

Moreover, controlled jealousy is a plus in a relationship. Let the loved one know and see that he is dear and not replaceable.

If a person is not able to control himself - he is dangerous. In a fit of jealousy, a colossal number of serious crimes were committed. Remember the story of the Kabanov family. “No one could have imagined that Irina and her husband Alexei have problems in relations. The woman was just silent and did not tell anyone how the husband plagued his jealousies. It came to the point that they divorced, but continued to live in the same apartment. Two children were constant witnesses of showdown and humiliation.

It all ended in tragedy. Another quarrel of the former spouses escalated into the assault of her husband, who in a fit of anger simply strangled the woman. To hide his crime, he threw a message on the network that Irina was missing. Crowds of volunteers combed the parks of Moscow and Moscow region. And the husband put his wife's body in a bag and left it on the balcony.

It was winter, there was a severe frost, and for this reason nothing betrayed the crime. The police examined the entire apartment and even went out onto the balcony. But they could not have imagined that in the corner lay a package with the body. And only when the man decided to transport her to the forest and bury him, the police took him by surprise. They simply asked to open the trunk, and there was the late Irina. ”

Here is a good example of the fact that you can’t connect your life with a person who is not able to control his feelings. And how it all began beautifully. Friends of the family indicated that once it was a beautiful and harmonious couple. Now the father is in prison, his wife is in the grave, and the children are left orphans and are brought up by Irina's parents.

Why does jealousy arise

Probably many of us will agree that it is much more difficult to consider love in a person than jealousy. The first feeling is often hidden, afraid to open. But as for the second, then everything flies from coils. Jealous - get a scandal, reproaches. Unrestrained people, no matter how hard they try, cannot hide their discontent and will certainly want to talk about this second half. And judging by the above examples from the life of the Kabanov family, we understand that a light and flattering feeling can quickly turn into despotism and.

And sometimes constant accusations of infidelity literally push a woman or husband into the arms of another person. Why you need to constantly make excuses and listen to insults for what you did not commit. Since it’s to blame, then in the case. A strange, paradoxical situation. But it is betrayal with another that puts an end to family relationships. And even if the spouse or forgiveness forgive betrayal, then about the past trust or sincerity can no longer speak. Now we turn to a more detailed study of the main causes of jealousy.

1. Inferiority complex. If someone says that the jealous suffers low self-esteem, then he will be absolutely right. But it is worth noting that a person can feel his own inferiority both consciously and on a subconscious level. Most often, this is manifested in the following moments: “He can find more beautiful than me,” “He is attracted to long-legged beauties,” “She can be carried away by a rich friend,” “She is attracted by strong men, beautiful, and I’m not like that,” and so on. .d.
2. Past life. If the second half had marriages before, or the spouse had a long love affair, had lovers before the marriage, then in family life with a jealous person conflicts will pop up every now and then. For example, a jealous husband will not miss a moment in order not to reproach his spouse for her love of love and will immediately remind her of her long relationship with her former lover.
3. Third party involvement. This is the way people are arranged that they cannot help but fuss about the family life of their pals, friends. This is not to say that only the female half succeeds in this. Believe me, men, too, will not miss the opportunity to wash the bones of the wife of their close friend. It is especially painful for a husband to hear that his wife once met with one of them. Sometimes in revenge for the fact that she did not let her husband go fishing, insidious friends can write a story about her ugly behavior in his absence.
4. No less guilty of family squabbles due to jealousy and girlfriend. Someone can say in three boxes only because he envies the harmony in the relationship between a married couple. Well, mine really doesn’t work, doesn’t earn anything, but here they’re cooing like doves on you, he gives her expensive gifts, carries on his hands. Also, intrigues can be made against a couple in love by a person who could not arrange his family happiness. Not only is it enviable, it has also accumulated so much anger for its fate that I want to ruin everything in its path. But how, one does not want to be alone and unhappy alone, it is necessary that others make up the company in an unpleasant and offensive position.
5. Alcoholism. In this case, attacks of jealousy and rage arise from the effects of alcohol. It does not need any reason, the jealous has already painted everything in his imagination and is ready to pounce on his victim for no reason. It all starts with a little argument over drinking light drinks. Then the amount of alcohol increases, and the rage escalates. It comes to the fact that a jealous man makes scandals with enviable regularity. In any case, his drinking bouts begin to be associated with scandal, insults, humiliations, etc.

Types of Jealousy

Psychologists conducted a lot of experiments and identified 4 main types of jealousy, which almost all of us face. Or even worse, suffers from this psychological ailment.

Tyranny. Jealousy of this type is characteristic of oppressive, unrestrained, rude and stubborn individuals. Typically, these types require too much from the environment, and it is impossible to fully match. They cause neither understanding, nor regret, nor sympathy. They are not able to win over a person and are ready to make a scandal, a conflict at any moment. Living with such is hell. There will be no holidays, no celebrations, no weekdays without tears, resentment and disappointment. Persons with these unpleasant character traits never feel guilty, but only angry with those around them. As a rule, these are creative people - artists, singers, writers.

Low self-esteem. This type suffers from self-doubt, is in constant anxiety, anxiety, suffers from suspiciousness, weakness of character. They often plunge into melancholy, sadness, depression, and for this you do not need any worthwhile reason. They are waiting for trouble, and a feeling that attracts them. The same goes for the second half. Every now and then they wait for the “horns” to be instructed, they even think about how treason happens. And by inertia, in every friend of their spouse or spouse they see a potential boyfriend, or even a real rival, lover (lover).

Jealousy is reversed.   Here is the behavior of a person who will not miss a single skirt (trousers). These people themselves are unfaithful, walking left and right. And of course, they believe that half of them suffer the same habit. Knowing how ugly it is to change, they are afraid to be a victim of adultery and become cuckolds. That is, as they say, "They judge by themselves!"

Jealousy instilled.   Most likely, a person was brought up in a family where there was no sincere love and trust between parents. He absorbed like a sponge a certain type of relationship in which one of the elders or both parents go to the left. And for him, a stereotype develops - a woman is unfaithful to her husband (or dad is unfaithful to his wife).

The opinion of authoritative people who have been listened to by a person from childhood is also important. It can also be parents, someone from close relatives. If dad said all his life that "All the women ..." (you know what word), the child has a specific opinion about the woman and he will not be able to trust his beloved. In any case, to form a different, positive opinion, you will need to spend time, nerves and patience.

Jealousy of an adult woman.   According to statistics, in about 30% of cases of divorce, the cause is treason. And no matter how men argue or prove otherwise, in most cases the fault lies with them. Nature created them with polygamous creatures.

Here we must pay tribute - not only young but also white-haired gray-haired men are not far behind in the number of betrayals. You know such a term - "". So, now the behavior of the stronger sex at the age of over 40 has become a real scourge. They are fond of and, as a rule, young girls. Of course, for experienced ladies, approaching a certain age in a husband causes concern. Either one family friend left the family, then another. Her husband can fall into this whirlpool of hobbies.

What remains of his legal wife? Spend old age alone and suffer because of the betrayal of the person to whom she gave her love, youth, the best years of life. Together they built the future, and all the laurels will be reaped by the person who will come to everything ready. So a woman of Balzac age looks at all potential lovers of her husband with anger and distrust. And, of course, she is jealous of him for every pillar.

Jealousy is thorough.   There is anxiety and anxiety based on the real situation. It happens in life - she fell in love with another. Or he met the one that he had dreamed of all his life. Yes, before that no one forced him to go down the aisle with you, but an error occurred, a failure. Nobody wanted to hurt anyone. But living away from a loved one is an unbearable torment. It is necessary to talk, and seriously, openly, not hiding the "cards".

If there is a strong love - you need to go to her, and not torment yourself or the other half. Why waste time. So, one who is left alone with problems will be able to buy time and possibly meet the true fate of his life.

It is important to understand that the main reason for acute jealousy is distrust, not only to the beloved object, but also to oneself. But do not forget that the second half can also give occasion to feel discomfort and feel the growing horns on the top of the head.

Famous psychologists agree in one opinion - jealousy is the desire to fully possess a person. And not only physically, but also morally, psychologically. There is a desire to control his thoughts, plans, dreams, and, of course, actions and deeds. But building relationships is categorically impossible. Do not forget that your spouse is also someone else's friend, brother, employee, boss, son, nephew, uncle, etc. A man should belong only to himself and enjoy what is cute and interesting to him.

Everything goes from childhood

Research data is more than depressing. The farther, the more divorces due to family betrayal. If in earlier times people tried to observe the rules of decency, they were afraid of condemnation from the outside, now there is complete freedom of action. Particularly worrying about the behavior of young people. No, we are not bigots and believe that young people have the right to intimacy. But we are categorically against casual sexual relations.

Whatever movie we watch, everywhere everything ends with a bed. They still don’t know each other’s name, she’s drunk, he’s drunk - they immediately went to the night club’s toilet and merged in ecstasy. The complete loss of morality, no fears and fears for health. Even worse, people have ceased to be afraid of committing the sin of adultery. What kind of fidelity can we talk about if before that each of the married couple or one of them constantly came into casual sexual contact.

There is such a concept - "erasing the edges." If you constantly twist the bolt, the thread will be erased, and a person who changes his sex partner without stopping erases shame, conscience, and decency.

Everything has been going on since childhood. Parents need to pay as much attention as possible to issues such as decency, reputation, authority, respect for others, purity of thoughts and soul. This is the only way to educate a person for whom sexual intimacy will be something special and enjoyable, rather than an ordinary adventure, one of the sports. And there will be no place in his life for aggressive jealousy, the desire to control his half everywhere and to make her scandals about and without.

    Anna basis

Many believe that jealousy is one of the manifestations of love. But in fact, this is a feeling of possessiveness, fueled by selfishness and self-doubt. A jealous man is a suspicious, suspicious and incredulous person who tormentes himself and others with endless nitpicking and tantrums.

Jealousy manifests itself in different ways. It can be a feeling caused by falling in love, jealousy of a child, parental jealousy and conjugal. The result of expressing this feeling is hatred or indifference. In affirming that without jealousy there is no love, St. Augustine was mistaken. Oddly enough, his statement gained popularity. Most jealous people use it to justify their actions. More precisely, the subtext of jealousy was formulated by Benjamin Johnson. He said that a person is not jealous of the one who loves, but the one who wants self-love. This definition is more accurate, but it is difficult to use without prejudice to one's own dignity.

Among psychologists, there is an opinion that jealousy, in small quantities, is useful for love. And for those in whom nature has a sense of jealousy, to stop experiencing it means to lose the competitiveness of their own personality. It is advisable for these people to interpret behavior and find other ways to increase self-esteem.

Nobody says that you can’t be jealous. It is possible and necessary. Remember that earlier statesmen ate bit of arsenic, so that later they could not be poisoned with a large dose. Jealousy is the same poison that must be strictly dosed.

The essence of jealousy and what it consists of

By and large, a feeling of jealousy is a fear of losing a loved one. The strange thing is that in families the jealous is the one who allows himself to violate marital fidelity.

Confident and self-sufficient people are not capable of experiencing such torment. Literary critics believe that if Othello had a fair-skinned, confident and wealthy handsome man, Desdemona’s handkerchief, he would not have become a pretext for murder.

What is a man's jealousy

The most discussed jealousy is the love and jealousy of a man. How are they related to each other, what are they expressed in, and how to make a jealous man moderate his ardor?

A jealous man is a suspicious, irritable, and prone to outbreaks of inexplicable anger, man. He does not need to invent reasons for jealousy; he sees them in everything:

The girl does not answer the call;
Delayed at work;
She has no mood;
I bought a new blouse, but did not show him.

Everything that happens in the life of his beloved causes a storm of indignation in him. Girls who have already encountered such men or have seen this in the family stay away from them. It is impossible to fix such a person. If even before marriage he is jealous for no reason, then it will only get worse.

What is female jealousy

In the depths of the subconscious, each woman identifies her man as the breadwinner and the one who “brings the mammoth to the cave” in a hungry year. Psychologists believe that the true cause of female jealousy is the loss of a breadwinner.

Female jealousy is expressed in different ways:

A woman closes in herself and becomes a “gray shadow” of her beloved, following him on the heels. Such women hire detectives, watch themselves and silently "eat" themselves from the inside;
The second type of female jealous is hysterical and uncontrollable ladies. A man does not have to come in lipstick or smell of female perfumes; it is enough to give a colleague a lift from work to cause another outburst of jealousy. Jealous women become uncontrollable in their anger.

The only thing that distinguishes these types of jealous - women of the second type, calming down, can discuss everything with a man, find out once and for all and stop being jealous at least for work. From hidden jealousy you can expect any surprises.

Female jealousy differs from male jealousy in that if a man blames his soul mate for all sins, the woman is inclined to condemn the beloved mythical passion.

If you are jealous of your chosen one, then he really is worth it. And your feeling is justified by the fact that another woman can encroach on your happiness. But he loves you and that means he needs you more than any of his entourage. In any case, it is worth controlling your emotions or directing them in the right direction. Do not believe those who say that habit is second nature. If a man is not intrigued and not interested again and again, he is able to change his habits. If he sees the manifestations of your love and passion daily, then no long-legged beauties will replace him for you. A disheveled and sleepy miracle that defiles all day in a crumpled bathrobe of not the first freshness is far from the ultimate dream of a man. Take care of yourself, experiment, be bright and sunny. Look in the mirror, did you like the reflection? So, it’s worth adding a “twist” in the form of sexy underwear and evening by candlelight. And if you are not impressed with what you saw in the mirror, you urgently need to deal with yourself:

fitness;
beauty salon;
manicure;
joint trip to the theater, cinema, night club.

Only then beautiful linen and candles

If a man once chose you and has been near for some time, then keeping him is a matter of technology. You do not need to be a great psychologist or seer for this. You are the woman who once won him, and now only you know that he loves you the most.

What is jealousy of husband, wife

Marital jealousy is a separate conversation. It is compounded by the presence of a stamp in the passport. Many believe that having married a jealous man, they will prove his love to him and he will have no reason to “fight in tantrums”. Unlikely! By tying yourself to one who is jealous for no reason, you will protect yourself from further jealousy from your loved one.

After all, you are his property, and therefore must obey his requirements unconditionally.

A jealous spouse is a real disaster. You constantly live in suspense, wondering what the next time could cause an outbreak of jealousy.

Hysteria of jealousy and its forms

The feeling of jealousy in relation to the object of adoration is understandable. A pathological jealous person can intelligently explain what act caused his attitude. But “hysteria of jealousy” is an inexplicable process and not subject to any common sense. Man draws for himself nonexistent pictures from the life of the one he is jealous of. "Decorates" them in all possible colors. Kills himself psychologically. Psychiatrists gave the name to this manifestation - "imaginary third."

The following categories of people are subject to hysteria of jealousy:

- Elderly men and women prone to sclerotic manifestations. Realizing that their illness does not guarantee that they will remember that they were deceived yesterday, they invent fables and themselves suffer deeply from them;
People prone to complex chronic diseases. Considering that now nobody needs them and are trying to get rid of them as soon as possible, these people try to draw attention to themselves like that.

In addition, pathological jealousies who cannot control their impulses, sooner or later, begin to show signs of hysteria of jealousy. Having invented a story that they consider to be the only true one, they plague the “soul mate”, trying out the details of what actually never happened. Any answer that does not triple them is interpreted as a lie or outlined in additional detail. It is difficult to advise what to answer such a person with his questions. The consequences can be unexpected and unpleasant. Sometimes a woman, trying to joke or tease her spouse, tells tales or flirts with extraneous men. You never need to do this if you know that your partner is prone to outbreaks of jealousy. It is not known what he had already thought up for himself, and this may be the last straw in the vessel of patience of the “monster with green eyes” - jealousy.

Drive away these destructive thoughts, never follow your own jealousy. Calm down, comprehend what is happening, crush in yourself, but do not cultivate this destructive weapon in your soul. The longer you indulge in jealous thoughts, the more perverted the picture of reality becomes.

What a fit of jealousy leads to

Any manifestation of jealousy is a showdown. And if the first few times you can laugh at the jealous, then when such seizures become regular, no one is laughing.

The first thing that leads to disagreements due to jealousy is a violation of calm and relations in a couple. If a man can “explode” and express his complaints to a woman immediately, then the spouse will be able to carry thoughts and conjectures within himself, poisoning the life of her beloved with her suspicion and reproaches.
The second consequence of the jealousy of the spouses is children locked in themselves. A child cannot understand why in a family where mom and dad love each other, from time to time quarrels erupt with screams and tantrums. How to explain to the child the reason for these scandals, if adults themselves really cannot formulate it for themselves? And the children themselves are not able to understand and understand this situation. This can cause mental disorders in children.
A jealous person, not wanting it himself, gives his partner’s imagination food for fantasy. If before that the spouse did not think that he was so significant and desired, now he has an excuse and no desire to return home to scandal and claims. A person simply decides on treason.
The culmination of the consequences of jealousy can be what the jealous was so afraid of - a breakdown. Sooner or later, the other half will be tired of making excuses and listening to reproaches, and she will simply leave, slamming the door loudly. It will be difficult to restore relations, the second time a person is unlikely to agree to go to “hell” under the name “life with a jealous person”.
The jealous, kindling in himself this feeling and coming up with more and more details, achieves that his jealousy will acquire the features of an obsessive mental illness - the hysteria of jealousy. This disease, literally, eats a person from the inside, depriving reason and common sense.

What jealousy threatens human health

What is the purpose of any jealous? Prevention of physical cheating partner. So, every outbreak of jealousy is a serious blow to the human nervous and cardiovascular system.

In this case, the following processes occur in the body:

The release of a large portion of adrenaline into the blood;
The human cardiovascular system is struggling to cope with the flow of blood, which is carried at a frantic rate through the organs and “presses” on the heart, causing it to pound or freeze;
The human brain experiences a huge strain, which is compared to that which occurs when we learn about the death of a loved one.

The result of these processes is shock. The human immune system is not able to cope with systematic attacks of jealousy, the body is depleted. The result of the foregoing are the following diseases:

Anorexia;
Obesity;
Nervous breakdowns;
Stroke;
Heart attack;
Impotence;
Frigidity.

How to deal with jealousy

No one will convince the jealous that he is wrong and he needs to change his attitude towards the object of jealousy. Only he can do this.

Control. Feeling the approach of a fit of jealousy, it is worthwhile to find a secluded place, write out claims to the spouse on paper and justify at least one of them;
If you are jealous, then you know what exactly. Your prospective opponent has qualities that you would like to have. Strive for excellence, increase self-esteem;
If you think that your partner is really cheating on you, and you won’t do anything, just rage with jealousy, calm down and leave. You cannot live forever with this pain in the soul; it will eat you;
Selfish people who are used to the world revolving around them should look at themselves from the side. Look with “different eyes” at the person next to you, and try on your behavior on him. Now appreciate how you look from the side.

And finally, talk to each other, talk about how you spent the day, what was at work. A lot of humor and positive, because you love each other, and love should be fueled by positive emotions.

   December 30, 2013, 17:09