Parents of schoolchildren probably faced a situation where the child does not want to complete the lessons. He is ready to do anything, not homework. Often, such moments lead to stressful situations in the family. Mom and Dad begin to worry, get nervous about this. Excitement is transmitted to the child, and depression occurs. Psychologists advise against such situations. To do this, you need to know how to make the child do the lessons so that the process is interesting and entertaining to him. Entire techniques and a set of measures have been developed, which we will discuss in the article.

Do not regret the first grader

Many parents are tormented by the question: “How to get a child to do homework?” Remember: to teach a kid to do homework without tantrums is necessary from the first class. From the very beginning, you need to make it clear to the child that the educational process has begun, now he has mandatory tasks that he must cope with on his own.

It is important for parents to properly prepare and adapt the baby to a new stage in his life. Even during the holidays, it’s worth equipping a place for doing lessons, establishing a regimen. After the educational process has begun, you need:

Hang the school schedule in a visible place so that the child can make his own schedule. Do not forget to indicate the time of visiting circles and sections. In the first couple, the baby can not do without the help of parents. No need to decide everything for the child. Take a pencil and notebook, draw up a detailed plan indicating the time to complete homework, walk in the fresh air, watch TV, play games on the computer.

Never do homework for a child. Even if he doesn’t succeed, it’s better to once again explain the rules, ask suggestive questions, give a hint, and suggest.

Try to strictly observe the regime every day, so that the child gets involved in the process. Leave the schedule only in difficult situations (health problems, urgent matters, and so on).

Explain to the child that school is work. And it depends only on him what the result will be.

Parents often feel sorry for first graders, considering them small. But the educational process is structured in such a way that takes into account all the age-related capabilities of the kids. Do not worry and think that your child has worked hard, because if you don’t accustom the student to homework from the first days of classes, the question of how to get the child to do homework will come up in the future.

Draft is your friend

After the child begins to attend school, the question arises of how to properly carry out homework with him. Teachers recommend using drafts without fail. This will help save time for your child. Writing essays, solving examples and problems is necessary in a separate notebook. After that, parents need to check what is written. Only then can it be transferred to the cleanroom.

In a draft, a child can correct errors; do not ask to rewrite it several times. For this, a similar notebook is needed.

When answering the question of how to do homework with a child, it is necessary to be guided by the rules of psychologists and remember that children are not diligent before grade 5, attention is scattered. After 20-30 minutes of doing the lessons, you should take a short five-minute break. The mistake of parents is not to let children out of the table for 2-3 hours.

Why the child does not want to do homework. Find out the reasons

From many children you can hear the phrase that they do not want to do their homework. In this situation, the logical question arises: "How to get a child to do homework without scandals?" First you need to find out the reasons why he refuses to fulfill them. In fact, there are not so many of them:

Natural laziness. Unfortunately, there are children who have a similar phenomenon. But there are very few of them. If you know that some processes (reading books, an exciting game, watching cartoons, drawing, etc.) take the baby for a long time, then the problem is clearly not in laziness.

Afraid of failures. This is one of the most common reasons, especially if before this there have been situations in which adults have behaved improperly. Suppose a strict teacher reproached the whole class for a mistake, or parents scolded for a bad mark. You can’t do this. Otherwise, it will affect the child’s further education and success.

The child has not fully mastered the subject. This problem is especially acute for first-graders and high school students. It is necessary to make every effort in order for the child to understand the material.

Lack of parental attention. It would seem that how the failure to complete lessons can be coupled with the love of mom and dad? Psychologists find a direct connection in this. Thus, children seek to attract attention and arouse at least some feelings. As a rule, similar situations occur in workaholic families. There is only one way out of this story - to praise the baby as often as possible and say that you are proud of him.

The process itself seems uninteresting to the child, especially for first-graders who are used to perceiving classes only in the form of a game. The task of parents and teachers is to adapt the kids to learning as quickly as possible.

Before asking a question how to teach a child to do homework, it is necessary to find out the reason why he refuses to do his homework. If you can not cope on your own, you should seek help from a specialist. He will recommend a family council, and already discuss on it the possible cause and reluctance of the child to learn. And here the main thing is to find the right behavior for adults: do not scream, but engage in constructive dialogue.



What to do if the child does not understand the subject

With all of the above problems of non-fulfillment of lessons, parents can cope on their own. But what about the situation when the child simply does not understand the subject, or is it hard for him? Psychologists say that adults solve this problem on their own, simply performing difficult tasks for children. Thus, they exacerbate the situation.

The only right decision is to hire a teacher or tutor. Do not spare money, just a few individual lessons are enough to help the child deal with a difficult topic.



Do I need help learning lessons?

Some children do everything to relieve themselves of responsibility for the implementation of lessons. To do this, they pretend that they are sick, overworked, asking their parents to help them. Of course, they agree, but do not understand that the child grabs them “hooked”. It is worth giving in to the trick several times, and such a scheme will work constantly.

To answer the question of how to teach a child to do homework, it is necessary to analyze the following situations:

how often the baby resorts to your help;

how long has he been sick;

what class does the child go to?

If he often resortes to your help, while he is ill a little, and even a high school student, you just need to explain to him that from now on he does his homework independently. But it is better not to bring to such a situation, and from the first grade to teach the baby to do homework.

We accustom the child to independence

The question of how to get a child to do homework on their own often pops up with parents. If, with the help of adults, the student is still at least somehow trying to solve the problems, then one does not cope. Against this background, scandals and squabbles occur that only exacerbate the situation.

First of all, you need to try to explain to the child that further admission to college depends on his studies. The better the success, the more likely it is to get into a prestigious institution. Never do homework for a student. The best way you can help is to clarify a rule.

It is not necessary to constantly monitor the process, just check the draft and clean copy. This is the only way to develop independence in children. You need to start this from the first days of study, and then in the future you will not have the question: "How to teach your child to do homework?"

Do I need a cash reward?

Recently, a new way has appeared among parents to reward children for good grades in school. The prize is money. Thus, they are sure that the student will try harder to do the lessons independently. Psychologists claim that this is a huge mistake. There should be no monetary relationship between parents and children at this age.

There are many ways to get a child to do their homework without tears and tantrums. It is enough to gain strength and patience. After all, the school time is a rather difficult time, especially for first graders.

As a reward, a trip to the circus, a cinema, a game center can be. It is advisable that parents spend this time with their children. Thus, they will further establish contact.

Many parents ask psychologists a question: "How to get a child to do homework?" Using methods of motivation. But cash bonuses are unacceptable. Indeed, in the future, children will demand rustling bills for all their good deeds and achievements.

Homework Algorithm

School time is a rather difficult time for children and their parents. The child is required to be independent, more responsible, to be responsible for their actions. Often schoolchildren (especially for first graders) refuse to do their homework, or do it with great reluctance. This causes conflict. Often from parents you can hear the phrase: "How to teach a child to do homework?" In order for the process to go “like clockwork” and not cause any special difficulties, it is necessary to know and follow the following rules:

After the child comes from school, do not immediately force him to sit down for the lessons. The following scheme will be optimal: walk in the air, lunch, rest up to 30 minutes.

The best time to complete your homework is from 15.00 to 18.00. This is proven by experts. In these hours, the greatest performance of the brain was noticed.

Observe the regimen. Try to complete tasks at the same time.

Try to immediately choose complex objects, and then move on to lighter ones.

Do not constantly monitor the child. Accustom him to independence. To begin with, let him do the work in a draft, bring it for verification, and then transfer the data to the cleaner.

After the child finishes completing homework, do not forget to praise him.

So that you do not have a question about how to make your child do homework, follow the above rules and recommendations.

Carrot or stick?

Psychologists very often encounter situations where the child closes in himself, ceases to perceive his parents, he seems to be detached from the outside world, and finds peace in computer games. Why it happens? The whole blame is the wrong behavior of adults, which are approved at the expense of children.

Many are convinced that the best way to get a child to do something is to show their advantage. This can be achieved with screaming or assault. This position is incorrect. with children, encouragement, praise - this is the key to success. The same applies to homework.

Often you can hear the phrase that the child refuses to do homework. Perhaps the reason lies in the fact that parents misbehave with schoolchildren. It is important to adhere to the following rules:

When checking homework, never raise your voice, do not call names and humiliate children. To begin, praise the baby for the fact that the lessons are done. And only then begin to point out errors, if they were made.

Ratings are a sore subject for many parents. After all, you probably want your child to be the best. And how unpleasant it is sometimes to hear the phrase that the child did not cope with the task and received an unsatisfactory mark. Try to calmly talk with the student, explain that the key to success in the future is acquired knowledge.

In order to answer the question of how to do homework with a child without screaming, you need to remember the following: each person is a person with his own character, do not break it. Humiliation, screaming, insulting words will only aggravate the situation, and parents will lose their dignity in the eyes of the child.

The basic rules that parents need to remember

Many parents ask: “If the child does not teach lessons, what should I do?” First you need to find out the reason why this happens. Perhaps it is commonplace - a misunderstanding of the subject. If so, help your child and hire a tutor.

School is a new, important and crucial stage in the life of a child. In the lessons, he not only receives knowledge, but also learns to work. Classes in classes with other children educate children in hard work and the ability to systematize the information received.

  The ability to learn independently and do homework is very important for the student. Parents need to send the child in the right direction and accustom responsibility

Not the least role in this learning process is played by homework. However, the homely atmosphere is very different from the one that is present in the school. Firstly, at home, the child can be distracted from lessons in other classes, and secondly, there is no such control factor as grades, because parents will not put a deuce. Plus, the textbook is always at hand and you can peek at it without fear of punishment. Such a free environment has two sides to the coin. It helps to instill interest in learning and knowledge, but at the same time it is dangerous in that it can lead to irresponsibility.

Activities with a child at home

First of all, it should be understood that the modern school is very different from those schools in which the older generation studied. Currently, the school learning process is designed so that parents need to devote some time to helping their child complete tasks. There are 3 main areas where additional intervention is required from moms and dads:

1. Material explanation. A child does not always immediately understand everything in class, and sometimes not everyone listens. The first step is to explain the points he missed and misunderstood in the topic under study.
2. Doing homework. Control is needed here so that the student takes lessons, and not just misses the notebook.
3. Lesson verification. You should always see how the child did his homework.

When the baby begins to attend school, many parents have hopes that in it the teachers themselves will inform the students and educate them. However, there are usually about thirty people in the classroom and it is simply impossible to control whether everyone has learned everything. As a result, either parents themselves or a tutor can explain to him what he could not understand in the lesson. In one case or another, the responsibility for this rests with the parents.

  The modern school heavily loads children with homework, so it’s worth supporting the child, especially in the first two years of school, but it’s absolutely impossible to do lessons for him

When dealing with a child at home, it is important not to be angry at the fact that you have to spend your time and not scold him for the fact that he cannot understand something. It should be borne in mind that it is quite difficult to master everything in the lesson, because in the classrooms there are many children at once, and each of them has an individual pace and ability to perceive the material. In addition - noise and many other distracting things. So do not prematurely write off misunderstanding as stupidity or laziness. Most likely, the reason is related to concentration of attention or organization of the educational process itself.

Lesson control

Control over the student during homework comes down to sitting next to him or periodically coming and checking what he is doing and how things are going. Otherwise, he can quickly turn his attention to an outside occupation, and then the process can drag on for a long time.

However, according to the experience of many mothers, such a constant presence and supervision of the baby is required up to the third grade, after which this is no longer necessary. A similar phenomenon is easily explained. The fact is that all children of primary school age have a deficit of voluntary attention. This is not a disease, just like that the children's brain is arranged. Over time, the child outgrows it. With age, he will become more diligent, more attentive, and more focused.

As for the popular diagnosis of “ADD (G)”, which sounds like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, it can be attributed to at least half of the children in the first or third grades. Treatment in this case is not required, but it is necessary to organize optimal conditions for homework. In the future, this will help to avoid scandals throughout the entire period of study in school walls.

The degree of control over how the baby does his homework depends on his age. It is very important to establish for first-graders and second-graders a clear regime and order of actions after returning home from school. First, a little rest for an hour or an hour and a half. During this time, the child will already have enough rest from class activities, but will not yet have time to get tired or very excited, playing and having fun. Children should get used to the fact that they need to do homework every day.

If the kid visits other extra-curricular circles, for example, if he goes in for sports, dancing or drawing, you can postpone the lesson to a later time. However, do not leave them for the evening. For students on the second shift, the ideal time to do their homework is morning.

The process of adaptation to the school can last up to six months. At this stage, parents should help the baby so that he adheres to the new routine. Some useful tips to make homework more effective:

1. A certain rhythm of work. For example, take a break for 5-10 minutes every 25 minutes.
2. By the second year of study, it is necessary to teach the child to independently distribute his time. From this moment, the parent connects only if the baby asks for help. Otherwise, you can make the crumb think that mom or dad will do everything instead of him.
3. Priority of study. When a child sits down to do homework, he should not be distracted by anything, neither a request to take out the trash, nor cleaning his room. All this can be postponed until later.

  In the lower grades, the child has not yet adapted, not used to homework. He needs to take breaks in work

High and high school

At an older age, children usually allocate their own time. For this, they already remember well what, in what volume and when it was given. However, for some reason, not all schoolchildren cope with home lessons. There are a number of reasons and explanations for this:

1. The load is too high, with which the crumb can not cope. In modern school institutions, a rather large volume is assigned to the house, as a result of which additional extra-curricular activities lead to overloads. Of course, extra-curricular activities, such as drawing lessons or foreign language courses, are necessary for a more complete development of the baby, but it is very important that they are not from under the stick and do not bear the nature of service. The child should get pleasure from classes and rest on them from the school load. In addition, it is advisable not to set time limits for the implementation of lessons. You just need to teach your child to set real goals that he can achieve.
2. To attract attention. Constant reproaches, quarrels, and scandals will only encourage bad behavior. This is especially true in cases where the baby gets attention only as a result of disobedience or misconduct. Praise is the first step so that the child can learn to do everything on their own.
3. Knowing what the lessons will do for him. Often a child is simply not in a hurry to do homework himself, as he understands that one of the parents, in the end, will sit next to him and help. On the part of the parents, help should be to direct the crumbs of thought in the right direction and simply explain the task, and not solve it.

Quick and careless homework

A fairly common situation is when a student wants to do his homework faster in order to free up time for games and walks. The task of parents for some period to regularly check the quality of work performed. Do not resort to punishment for poorly done lessons. It is better to find out from the child the reason why this happened. It is necessary to make it clear that only after completing homework, he will be able to do business to his liking.

  If a child from the very beginning of the learning process is accustomed to the correct regime of the day, then homework will not become an insurmountable thing

It is also important not to tie the crumb to the grades, but to instill a love of knowledge, since he should be the priority. From the words and actions of the parents, the child must conclude that regardless of his assessments and the opinions of teachers, he will always be loved. Awareness of this serves as a good occasion for diligence and diligence in study.

Basic principles of homework

After the parents managed to teach the child to do their own lessons, without hysteria and orders, they should learn the simple rules of working at home. They will help to avoid the return of problems with the lessons. These principles are as follows:

1. Mode and rest. After classes, the student should have time to rest, at least an hour, so that he can eat and relax without haste. Ideally, if the baby will always do homework at the same time. Plus, you need 10 minute breaks in the process so that the child does not overwork.
2. Time-consuming tasks to do first. In addition, it is better to teach a student to write everything in a draft first. Only after the adult has checked the task, he will be able to rewrite the task in a notebook. Also trust the baby more and do not control the whole process. The child will definitely appreciate it.
3. If you find errors during the check, it is important to first praise the baby for his work, and then delicately point to them. Thus, the child is provided with a calm perception of his mistakes and the desire to correct them independently is encouraged in him.
4. During classes, you never need to raise your voice on a child, criticize or call him names. This will lead to a loss of respect and trust in parents.
5. Due to the complexity of the material provided in a modern school, it is better for mothers and fathers to study in advance the topic in which they are unsure in order to qualitatively explain it to the child, if necessary.
6. Do not do homework for the baby. It is worth helping only in difficult situations, and he must decide, write and draw himself. The main thing is that he gain knowledge, and a good mark is a secondary matter.

It is important not to refuse to help the child, even with other plans. Parents are responsible for the children, and it is they who need to organize the regime of the day and motivate him to study.

It is wrong to punish for inattention, since this is an age-related property that a schoolchild does not yet know how to control. Forcing lessons to be done is also not the best approach. It is better to explain the significance of the knowledge gained.

Clinical and perinatal psychologist, graduated from the Moscow Institute of Perinatal Psychology and Reproductive Psychology and Volgograd State Medical University with a degree in clinical psychology

Often children, having crossed a certain age threshold, cease to show interest in learning. This attitude very quickly leads to lower grades and other problems at school. In most cases, the taste for learning disappears in adolescents. What to do in such a situation? Is it worth it to make a child learn? Child psychologists are familiar with this problem, because it is very common. Try to use the advice of specialists who will make it possible to find an approach to your offspring.

Identify the root of the problem

To begin with, it is worth looking for the reason why the child does not want to learn. This is not always due to laziness or the fact that the child does not like school. The most common problems teenagers have at school:

• Conflict with the teacher. Sometimes a student manages to ruin a relationship with one of the teachers - often this is a class teacher. The teacher is also a person and can consciously or not underestimate the grades of a teenager who is rude or defiant, which is typical for children of puberty age.
• Backlog in a specific subject, which occurred as a result of illness or the omission of any part of the material. Often gaps lead to misunderstanding of the following sections of the textbook, and problems grow like a snowball.
• Rethinking life values. A 6–9 grader simply does not understand why he should study, and how important it is to get a quality education.

There are other difficulties that can lead to a reluctance to go to school and problems with learning. However, all of them, one way or another, are associated with these factors. It is important to try to find time to talk with the offspring, to find out the source of the problem. Knowing the reason, it is easier to look for a way out.

The conflict with the teacher is easy to resolve by talking with the teacher. Parents are not always required to take any action. It is enough to show the teacher that you are worried about your child, promise to talk with him at home. The teacher will certainly appreciate the efforts of the parents, and the situation may become more favorable.

Learning lag can always be made up. Some children find it easier to work with a tutor rather than with mom or dad. Others are more likely to have classes in a group where you can record a lagging child. Sometimes younger students are afraid to ask questions to the teacher, to ask about what is asked at home. With a first grader, you need to do work at home, explain that raising your hand is necessary if you have questions.

How to make a teenager learn if his interest in learning has completely faded away? Be sure to talk with the student, convince of the need for education. Explain that a good study will make it possible to decide in life, to find your way.

The child is sure that he wants to become a designer, which means he does not need math? Tell us that the school curriculum is the basis for obtaining specialized education.

Little tricks

We outlined the general direction of psychological work with the child. Next, we will talk about various methods that will be a great way to interest a student in school and get them to take lessons. For each student, both 1 and 8 classes, you can choose an individual scheme of stimulation to study. It is worth trying to look for a key to the heart of your schoolchild. How to teach a child to learn? We are confident that our advice will help even in the most difficult situations.

Spirit of competition

How to teach a child to learn if no effort helps? As practice shows, children of any age can easily be carried away with any subject, creating the conditions of competition. There are several ways to do this. For example, talk with the parents of a classmate and invite them to participate in a similar game. One of two (three, four) children will show the best marks at the end of the week, he will receive the badge of the best student. Then the same icon can go to another child.

At home, you can arrange mini-competitions. For example, which household member will solve the problem faster, or will be able to learn the quatrains. Here you will have to study subjects with the child to help him enjoy the victory.

Daily regime

It is necessary to clearly think over the regimen of the day. Since it is almost impossible to make a child learn, it is worth offering him some encouragement after he has done his homework. After school, the child can relax, do what he likes. Next, you need to devote a couple of hours to your homework, after which he will be able to watch his favorite series. However, you should check the lessons and do not allow to watch TV (play computer games) until the task is completed (we recommend reading:). In this case, it will work as an incentive to have time to do everything before a certain time.

Material incentive

Sometimes material incentives help. Some parents come up with a complex system of rewards for learning outcomes. For example, a child receives a certain amount for positive assessments, and at least one 2 completely nullifies the balance. Or, at the beginning of the month, parents accrue to the student the amount of money from which money is calculated for each negative mark. That is, the less bad marks a child receives, the greater the amount received at the end of the month.

Do not be afraid to introduce a cash incentive for a 5th grader or a child older. Some psychologists believe that this will teach the offspring to handle money, not to “litter” them, to value what they have earned. Being able to count money is a useful skill that will come in handy in adulthood.

Find friends

If the child does not want to learn, then he probably wants to have weight in society. Surprisingly, studying is one of the ways to socialize. A teenager has stopped communicating with peers, he has few friends? He can be motivated by the fact that knowledge will help him become an interesting conversationalist. In addition, people who stand out with good grades are always appreciated by classmates.

Attract attention

Try playing on weaknesses. At 11-14 years old, first love may occur in children, which also introduces dissonance in the educational process. Does son like girl in class? Invite him to get her attention. You can, together with the offspring, prepare to prepare in any subject, or presentation. It is desirable that the topic be interesting, and the whole class will listen to the speaker with pleasure. A positive result will be a kind of victory, which will inspire and give a taste for learning.

Take time

Sometimes a poor student tries to attract the attention of parents. This happens in families where there is a baby who takes all the mother’s attention, and also where both parents work late.

Mom or dad should find a little time in a busy schedule that will be used to communicate with the offspring. You can play board games with your son, chat well over a cup of tea.

Psychologists note that it is not the amount of time spent with the child that matters, but its quality. That is, this period of time should be saturated - with conversations, actions, events. You should not spend hardly allotted minutes on reproaches and censures. It is better to find positive moments and make the child happily spend time with you.

What if the child does not want to study? It is very important in every possible way to demonstrate to the child his interest in his studies, adhering to the chosen line of behavior, and not to step aside. The offspring will feel that his mother is worried about his lessons, and will try to please her with her achievements.

There are other behavioral elements that should be followed:

• Never refuse help in homework. Sometimes mom is too busy and cannot give her son time. It should be made clear that for his parents, his studies are just as important, and try to give him confidence in their abilities.
• Remember the power of praise. Many parents forget to encourage the child. Sometimes it’s really hard to find at least something to praise for. However, if you regularly scold, shout and criticize your son, he will not seek to achieve results. Be sure to find something to praise the student for sure, he probably has strengths. For example, focus on good memory, or on the analytical mindset. If everything is done correctly, over time, your student will strive to develop natural abilities to be rated even higher.
• Gently control the child, showing that you are interested in what the class was doing in class today. This is a simple psychology - motivate by self-interest. It is very important to immediately understand the first-grader's studies, so that later you do not have to get involved in the educational process when he moves to the 6-7th grade.
• A simple way to help a student go to classes with pleasure is to buy him a backpack or some school accessory. A small new thing can do a good job.

Alternative Learning Methods

Sometimes a child does not want to learn, as some children simply cannot adapt to school rules. In this case, it makes sense to think about alternative ways of learning.

1. Home schooling. If you want and opportunities, if the mother does not work, you can educate the child at home. To do this, you must register at a school in which distance learning is practiced, and from time to time pass exams. This method of training is good, but not for everyone - it requires serious self-organization, because every day you have to force yourself to learn new material. At the same time, there are a lot of advantages of home education - a child can devote more time to difficult subjects, due to those where it is easier for him to navigate. In addition, lessons can be planned at any time of the day, dine at home and not experience stress when communicating with teachers.
2. Night school. If a teenager does not want to study, and he is already 15-16, he can become a student in evening school. It is not so difficult to enter these institutions, but they have the opportunity to undergo external training. It can also be a motivating factor - many teens want to become independent. They can successfully study school subjects at home and then receive a certificate.

It is not as difficult to interest a child in learning as it may seem. It is worth talking frankly with him, explaining why you need to get an education. Try to persuade him to work daily, but do not scold or pull. If a son or daughter does not succumb to persuasion, it is worth waiting a bit, maybe the child will eventually realize his responsibility.

Being a Lazy Mom with a naughty baby is very difficult. After all, it takes a lot of effort and time to agree with the baby about the simplest things. And with obedient children, everything becomes much simpler, and you will not have to participate in disputes for any reason.

It is unpleasant to say this, but you need to start the changes on your own, since only a calm and confident mother can make a child obey the first time. In addition, you need to listen to the child and feel his needs. I will tell you exactly how to do this in the article.

How to make a child obey

Recently, there have been big problems with obedience in children. In modern realities, when they are very pampered, it is quite difficult to keep the child within the permissible limits. Why is this happening?

Now the idea of \u200b\u200bchildren's permissiveness is being actively promoted. Babies up to about 2 years old are not forbidden, they are not given assignments, and on the whole they hardly raise them. Therefore, by 3-4 years it is not surprising that the child does not obey adults. Although there are other reasons: conflicting directions, inadequate requirements for the child’s age, etc.

How to make a child obey?

The first thing to understand is that in no case should you resort to physical punishment. After a few slaps, the child will really fulfill your request. When in the future he will be capricious, the mere mention of physical violence will make him calm down. And everything looks fine - the system works.

But in fact, the child does not become "obedient", he is simply afraid of you. I am sure that you would not want to cause horror and fear in a child. In addition to your relationship now, this whole situation will affect the future of the child. Physical punishment, an undercurrent of resentment and anger will certainly come up in adolescence in the form of rebellion. Or vice versa, the child will completely plunge into himself, become inert, clogged and unsure of himself.

With any development of the situation, a happy slaughtered child will not grow up. Therefore, the physical impact - not immediately!

Learn to talk with your child, negotiate, and then you don’t have to resort to the belt.

How to talk with a child correctly?

A lot depends on how and what you say to the baby. To begin with, you should pay attention to the volume - if you constantly speak in elevated tones, the child ceases to perceive the meaning of phrases. Remember your feelings when the boss or saleswoman scolded you in a raised voice. Even if it is a well-deserved criticism, anger and resentment of a screaming person appears.

• Make eye contact. Children concentrate on only one task, so until you attract his attention, he may just not hear your phrases. That's right: squat in front of the child, touch your hand so that he looks at you, and look into your eyes. Contact by name and repeat your request.
• Short and clear tasksespecially if you are talking with a child under 4 years old. It is difficult for them to remember and perform a sequence of actions. Therefore, instead of the monosyllabic “take off your jacket and shoes, wash your hands and sit down at the table”, give out tasks gradually. First “take off your jacket and shoes” when “wash your hands” will be done, and only after that “sit down at the table”.
• Speech Too Long. Parents like to recall past failures when they report the child or ask to stop something. And it’s hard for children to catch the phrase “Did you forget how you fell off the couch last time and had to go to the hospital?” Now get down, otherwise the situation will happen again and you will cry. ” It is correct to say succinctly: "You can’t jump on the couch - this is dangerous." In this case, the main message will be received.
• Indirect directions.   Kids take all phrases literally, so they don’t see instructions for action in the question “Are you going to get out of the puddle?” Do not overestimate the skills of children, because they only learn the language and do not understand much. Speak directly and unequivocally: "get out of the puddle."
• The use of negation is NOT.   Children often miss the negative message "not", and instead of "do not go into a puddle" they hear the invitation "go into a puddle." Instead, it’s better to propose another interesting alternative: “Let's go around the puddle so as not to stain new shoes.”
• Constant twitching.   Some anxious mothers take care of the child in such a way that throughout the day they warn the baby about the danger: “do not stumble on the threshold”, “go around the evil dog”, “do not step into the puddle”, “do not drop the mug” ... Over time, the child ceases to perceive these phrases taking them for "background noise". Reduce the number of comments to the required minimum, just go next to it and insure in dangerous moments.
• Inability to hear a child.   Being with a child 24 hours 7 days a week, many mothers begin to turn off. They seem to be next to the baby, but immersed in their thoughts, talking on the phone and not hearing their child. Over time, the baby begins to copy this behavior, ignoring your instructions. Instead, set the right example — take a break from washing the dishes for a moment to listen to the baby’s story. Support the conversation, clarify something, then the baby will be more attentive to your words.

In addition, listen to your words. It is necessary to focus not on the child and how bad he is, but on his feelings.

Wrong phrase: " You are so selfish! Stop yelling already, now let's go already! Shut up now, I'm ashamed of you in front of others».

Correct phrase: “ I understand that you are tired. Now I’ll pay for the purchase and go home. I will read a book and you will rest. And now, please, if you want to shout, do it, please, be quiet - I find it difficult to concentrate».

You can focus on your feelings:

Wrong phrase: " I am ashamed of your behavior before others ”- So you show that the opinions of others are more important than the child.
  Correct phrase: “ It's hard for me, screaming hurts my headsand".

Watch what you say and how the child can understand these phrases. Then it will be easier for you to find a common language with him.

How to make a child obey the first time

Teaching your baby obedience is not easy and fast. After all, there is no magic pill suitable for every child. And this is not a robot that is able to blindly follow orders. But still there are certain tips that teach a child to obey his parents the first time.

Each child has his own approach. So try different methods and choose the right one.

So, let's look at the basic techniques to teach a child to obey:

1. Minimum bans. When a child throughout the day only hears “you can’t”, “don’t climb”, “step back”, he ceases to obey. Therefore, try to use prohibitive phrases only as a last resort, when he does something serious. Instead, secure the space for games, remove dangerous and fragile things, be near the child to distract him from dangerous games, or stop him in time.
2. Unanimous opinion in the family. Be sure to work out certain rules in the family that should never be violated. If dad allows, and mom forbids, it’s difficult for the child to follow the instructions. After all, if parents split up on one issue, then you can disobey others.
3. Unambiguous prohibitions.   Do not change your view of any prohibitions so as not to confuse the child's orientations. If you said "last ride on a hill, and then go home," then you need to keep your word. Once or twice the child will be able to persuade you to stay, and then he will repeat this technique constantly. Only more confident, because he knows - this method allows you to achieve the desired.
4. Encourage your child’s initiative. Children love to help adults, imitate them and be helpful. Do not ruin this desire in the bud. If a two year old baby wants to wash his dishes, let him do it and praise him. And when he does not see, just wash. If a child voluntarily performs one task, then it will be easier with others.
5. Consider age features. You can not require a 3-year-old child to sit quietly for a while, because energy is seething in them and it needs to be released. Also, at the age of 3, a crisis begins, and a ban is received for all offers of mom. Therefore, study information about crises, abilities and skills by age. Only when you understand your child will he obey you.
6. Perform threats. Many adults intimidate a child with empty or non-violent threats “if you don’t eat, I’ll pour it on your head”, “if you don’t go for a walk now, we won’t go for a walk anymore!” At first, such a trick will pass, and the children will obey, but if the punishment has not been received after the “order” has not been executed, the fear will disappear. Therefore, monitor your threats and execute them. This, of course, is not about physical punishment. After all, besides them, there is a separate article for. For such crumbs, thinking works differently, so you need to educate them differently.
7. Give the opportunity to choose. If the child has only prohibitions and instructions, sooner or later he can arrange a riot on the ship. To make a child obey and obey, it’s enough to create at least the illusion of choice. “Let's take a duckling or a whale in the bath?”, “Will you go to the hospital in a black t-shirt or a yellow one?”, “Do you put a carrot or a pot?” ”,“ Who will sleep with toys today? ”.
8. Learning sequence. If you want the child to do something on his own, you need to teach him. First, complete the task together (parents and child), then draw instructions and suggest if the child has any difficulties, then he does it on his own. Be sure to go through all these steps and do not throw the baby in front of difficulties.
9. Play, not give orders. It is much easier to make your child obey if you propose to do something interesting. Do not “take away the toys”, but “get into the basket with toys”. Or add a competitive element: do not “drop the cars, go eat”, but “let's see whose machine will reach the kitchen faster.” Think about how you can beat your task so that the child himself wants to complete it.
10. Encourage, but not with money. Monetary incentive is used very actively, but it is advisable instead to better watch the cartoon, give something tasty, go to the attractions, etc. Make it clear that obedience is rewarded. Be sure to praise the child, but watch for sincerity in your voice. Children feel fake. Hug, kiss, although this child should receive not only for obedient behavior, but just because he is.
11. Set a good example.   All your requirements, prohibitions, notations are useless if you yourself do not comply with them. The phrases “do not snarl” and “do not be rude” are useless if you constantly swear with your husband or allow yourself to communicate with your child in a rude manner. Children copy the behavior of their parents even in small things, so watch yourself carefully and think - what will my child learn?

If all else fails, look at how Dr. Kurpatov helped in a seemingly hopeless case.

And even if you understand how to make a child obey the first time, you do not need to abuse your power. Leave him a little freedom, let him defend his opinion, respect their decision and give at least the illusion of choice so as not to run into problems in the future. Unquestioningly obedient children often grow up subject to the influence of others (drugs, alcohol), non-initiative (lack of independence, inability to be a leader) and with other psychological problems.

By asking a similar question, the parent assumes that he will receive a set of manipulative techniques to control the behavior of the child. It involves pressure or violence (both physical and emotional). When you focus on this, parents immediately get better: "... We put it wrong, we didn’t mean it." There are also such: “Yes, how could you think! Yes we are! Yes, our child! ... "or" And now what, let him all ?! "

If the first statement demonstrates only ignorance in the issue of education and the desire to learn, then the following, most likely, speaks of unresolved internal conflicts that spill over in the relationship between the parent and the child.

Sometimes the desire to manipulate a child pursues a good goal: "My life did not work out, so at least everything will be fine with him!" Thus, the parent wants to fulfill himself through the child. But you need to remember that the child has his own destiny and he wants to live his life, and not spend it on correcting the mistakes of an adult.

  “We all come from childhood.” It was during this period that the main character traits were laid. Often we can observe such a scene: the child is trying to help mom or dad, an irritated parent answers this: "do not go, you're still small!" To be completely honest, we give such an answer not because the child really cannot help, but in order to finish it faster. We are well aware at this moment that if you attract a child - “smoke beam” and the work will drag on for a long time. Such behavior in a child suppresses any initiative and love of creativity. To recall this, once again asking the question: “And who did he get so into?”

Often the same stereotype of relationships is passed down from generation to generation (Parent Scenario by E. Berne). And we can observe the dynasties of successful, happy, enterprising families, or vice versa. From generation to generation, drunkards, louts, people who are unable to start family relationships (the “crown of celibacy”) are born. The easiest way to blame for some curse, evil eye, etc. Even chronic diseases transmitted from generation to generation most likely have a psychosomatic etiology.

Exploring various ethnic groups, one feature (or pattern) can be noticed: where it is not customary to punish children, people are more responsive, hospitable: less aggressive, free. Without hesitation, they can sacrifice themselves for the interests of their neighbors, the Motherland. These countries have low crime rates, and the economy is booming. Therefore, no violence and pressure! Study your child, try to develop his natural abilities. A child is a curious creature, devoid of laziness, unlike us. Remember: any work is done easily if presented as a game. Give praise more often! If something is impossible, do not say: “No!” explain why and try to switch his attention to another object. Serve your child as an example! No "double" standards and "double" morality! The whole child learns from us. And if “something is wrong” with him, ask: “How did I get this?” By observing the child, you can better understand yourself. The process of education is mutual. Your child can teach you a lot.
  Kudryashov I.L.