Often children do not want to do homework, and their parents have to force them with completely non-educational methods. To avoid conflict in this situation, you must first determine the reason for the unwillingness to work. Knowing the reason, it will not be difficult to determine the right motivation.

Reasons and their elimination

Children most often do not show much desire to do their homework when:

• Are tired.
• They could not fully master the material, so they are not sure that they will cope.
• The task is not interesting to them, and they do not see the point in its implementation.
• Used to do homework with parents.
• They are lazy: pathological laziness is very rare, so you should not make such a diagnosis if the child does at least something with enthusiasm for a long time.
    Having determined the interfering factor, they begin to eliminate it.

Fatigue

At school, children are engaged in mental work for a long time - at least three hours with an academic load of 4 lessons per week (high school students “work” even longer), and if extra-curricular activities also, then even more. Therefore, after class, they should rest. Having recovered physically and intellectually, children will better and faster absorb the material, take notes more accurately.

It is advisable to take a certain time to complete the tasks. Ideally - from 3 to 6 pm, as the brain at this time functions better. First you should start the most difficult tasks, leaving the lungs in the end.

Compliance with the regime of work and rest will reduce fatigue during the day.

note , proper nutrition, moderate physical activity (playing sports), good sleep will help prevent fatigue and avoid stressful conditions. Strict observance of regimen moments promotes the development of discipline and independence.

Uncertainty

In modern textbooks, there is usually no explanation for the wording of the text: it is understood that the guys will independently come to some conclusion in the lesson. If the student does not understand, then it will be very difficult for him to figure it out independently. Negative statements of parents and teachers about the incorrectness of actions also contribute to the development of uncertainty in their own successes.

What to do in this case:

• Praise more often   (but do not praise!) - there is always a reason for which you can praise a child.
• Suggest first to try to complete the task on a draft yourself , and if she can’t do it, help (the main thing is that the child knows that they will be helped if necessary).
• Criticize less   (ideally, to avoid such statements altogether).
• Offer to work with a tutor if it is not possible to give the child the necessary knowledge (for example, in a foreign language).

You should not solve difficult tasks for your children . All the same, they will not understand how to solve them, but they will conclude for themselves that parents can do any task for them. As a result, adults do homework even for high school students!

Not interesting

The child is not interested in completing homework when he is not aware of its need. In this case, and what role does homework play in the learning process.

Do not resort to threats: "Do not do your homework - they will put a deuce!". Such statements will be effective only for the younger student (especially if the family brings up love and respect for good grades). As they grow older, the value of the mark decreases, then the parents change their motivation, offering students “get a salary”. From the point of view of psychologists, such behavior is fundamentally wrong. Instead of warmth and support, parents offer their children financial rewards (or material), which can lead to a conflict situation.

It will be more correct   to encourage good study, for example, going to the cinema, a trip out of town. But to make this not a condition ("You will study well ..."), but a consequence ("You have finished a quarter well, therefore ...").

No independence

Unorganized children do not like to perform tasks at home. It is difficult for them to force themselves to do something, to organize their leisure. To avoid scandal when doing homework, you should gradually accustom them to independence.

It is important for the student to explain that homework is his responsibility, and parents will not always be able to help, so he must do it himself.

It is advisable in practice to show the consequences of his decisions:

• Completed the task quickly   - There is more free time left that can be spent on the game.
• Made by myself   - parents during this time managed to prepare a delicious dish or repair a broken bike.
• Did not want to do on time   - spends free time on it.
• Parents had to control while standing nearby   - the student will instead do what they did not have time (to wash the dishes, to tidy up the room).

Not immediately, but gradually, the child will understand that it is better to do homework immediately and independently.

What should I look for?

The following situations slow down homework:

• Wrong Example

It is possible to demand organization from children only if the parents themselves are assembled. If the mother constantly puts off some business for “later”, then the children will behave the same way.

• Heavy loads

Sometimes adults shift some responsibilities to children (“When you do your homework, wash the dishes!”), Forgetting about his right to rest. Of course, the student will delay this unpleasant moment to the last.

• Impatience and criticism

Constantly pushing the child, humiliating their dignity by constant criticism (“Like a turtle!”, “It's as simple as you can’t understand!”), It is impossible to achieve good results. With age, the student will cease to do anything at all (“I'm stupid!”, “I still don’t understand!”).

In the process of monitoring homework, you should adhere to the rule:   "Everyone is mistaken, not everyone can find and correct mistakes."

You should not pay much attention to the marks obtained, because their value is gradually decreasing. It’s better to motivate you with the fact that homework, as well as learning in general, promotes self-development and self-improvement .

1-3 years

3-7 years old

7-12 years old

  - a dream of parents. But, unfortunately, the world in which we live is far from ideal, and children are far from always ready to implicitly fulfill the requirements of adults, which is why they have to be forced to do what they do not want.

Can adults insist on their own without screaming and quarreling? It turns out that you can, if you use some psychological strategies. Of course, we are not talking about the total, turning it into a puppet, but about small tricks that will make it possible to achieve obedience and maintain a healthy microclimate in the family.

The choice between bad and not very

Psychologists call this technique the creation of a false choice. For example, if a child is not eager to help his parents around the house, but either answers with a protest or ignores them altogether, offer him the following: “What do you want more - to vacuum the carpet or put things in order in your closet?” It is clear that he does not particularly like both of these classes, but your question will create the illusion of free choice for him, which means that you will not have a reason for conflict.

Disguising your requirements as a child’s wishes

Many parents are painfully familiar with the situation when a child at the table is categorical and requires something tasty. In some families, this turns into a daily confrontation, reaching to screams, tears and punishments. But these troubles can be avoided if you do not insist on your demand, and disguise the “tasteless”, from the point of view of the child, product for his favorite dish. A child does not like zucchini, but loves pancakes? Add chopped zucchini to the dough and bake his favorite pancakes. Does he not like fish? Turn the fish fillet through a meat grinder, add some minced meat and fry the meatballs that he eats with pleasure. He refuses semolina, but loves cottage cheese? Cook him some cheesecakes. There are many similar “deceptively tasty” and useful recipes - they can be easily found on the Internet.

Often conflicts arise in the family due to the fact that the child does not want to perform some kind of routine housework. Here you can turn on fantasy and turn a boring lesson into a fun game. Children really like the element of competition - use it by proposing, for example, the game "Who will make the bed first" or "Who will collect the toys faster." Do not forget to assign a small prize to the winner, even if it is purely symbolic - this will be a good incentive for the child.

Fulfillment of conditions

This method is often and quite successfully used by many parents, so we will not dwell on it in detail, but simply outline its algorithm: “If you want candy, first eat soup” or “First do your homework, and then you will go for a walk”. We add only that if you set a condition for the child, it is necessary that your requirement is met and, of course, the desire of the child too.

Does your robber have deuces in his diary again? The child does not obey, and is it simply impossible to plant him at homework? Many parents have a situation where the child does not want to study, skips school and is not attentive in the classroom.

Often adults make many mistakes in order to get their daughter or son to learn. This happens because there is no knowledge on how to cultivate a love of learning in children. Some begin to educate as they were raised in childhood. It turns out that the mistakes of upbringing pass from generation to generation. First, our parents suffer themselves and force us to study, then we also use the same torture for our children.

When a child does not study well, joyless pictures are drawn in their own head of what their future might be. Instead of a prestigious university and academic degree, a third-rate technical school. Instead of a brilliant career and a good salary, a job that is embarrassing to tell friends. And instead of a salary, pennies, on which it is not clear how to live. Nobody wants such a future for their children.

To understand why our children do not feel like learning, you need to find the reason for this. There are a lot of them. Consider the main ones.

1) There is no desire and incentive to study

Many adults are used to forcing a child to do something against his will, to impose his opinion. If the student refuses to do what he does not want, it means that his personality is not broken. And this is normal.

There is only one way to engage a child in school - to interest him. Of course, teachers should think about this first of all. An uninterestingly compiled program, boring teachers, leading a lesson, not taking into account the age of the children - all this helps the child to avoid learning and be lazy in completing tasks.

2) Stress at school

People are arranged as follows: first, simple needs for food, sleep, security are met. But the need for new knowledge and development is already in the background. School for children sometimes becomes a real source of stress. Where the kids every day experience various negative emotions, such as: fear, tension, shame, humiliation.

In fact, 70% of the reasons for the reluctance of children to attend and go to school just because of stress. (Bad relations with peers, teachers, insults from older comrades)

Parents can think: after all, there were only 4 lessons, the child says that he is tired, so he is lazy. In fact, stressful situations take away a lot of energy from him. Yes, and causes a negative to this environment. Therefore, he begins to think poorly, memory works worse, looks inhibited. Before attacking a child and forcing him by force, it is better to ask how he is doing at school. Was it difficult for him? How is his relationship with other children and with teachers?

Case study:
We had a boy of 8 years old for consultation. According to the boy’s mother, in the last few months he began to skip classes, often did not do homework. And before that, although he was not an excellent student, he studied hard and there were no special problems with him.

It turned out to them a new student was transferred to the class, who scoffed at the child in every possible way. He ridiculed him in front of his comrades and even used physical force, extorted money. The child, by virtue of his inexperience, did not know what to do with it. He did not complain to parents or teachers, because he did not want to pass for the sneak. But he himself could not solve this problem. Here is a clear example of how stressful conditions interfere with gnawing granite science.

3) Pressure Resistance

So the psyche works so that when they push us, we resist with all our might. The more the mother and father make the student forcefully do his homework, the more he begins to avoid it. This once again confirms the fact that forcibly this situation cannot be corrected.

4) Low self-esteem, self-doubt

Excessive criticism of parents towards the child leads to his low self-esteem. If whatever the student does, you still can’t please, then this is just the case. The motivation of the child completely disappears. What difference does it make that they put 2 or 5, still no one will praise, not appreciate what they deserve, will not say a good word.

5) Too much control and help

There are parents who literally learn instead of their child. Gather a portfolio for him, do homework with him, command what, how and when to do it. In this case, the student takes a passive position. He does not need to think with his own head and he is not capable of answering for himself. Motivation also disappears, as it acts as a puppet.

It should be noted that this is quite common in modern families and is a big problem. Parents themselves spoil their child, trying to help him. Total control kills independence and responsibility. And this behavior pattern goes into adulthood.

Case study:

Irina turned to us for help. She had problems with the performance of her daughter 9 years. If the mother was delayed at work or went on a business trip, the girl did not perform homework. She also acted passively in the lessons and if the teacher did not look after her, she was distracted and engaged in other matters.

It turned out that Irina from the first grade interfered heavily in the learning process. She controlled her daughter too much, literally didn’t let her step on her own. Here is the deplorable result. My daughter did not aspire to study at all, she believed that it was only necessary for the mother, and not for her. And she was engaged only from under a stick.

There is only one treatment here: stop taking care of the child and explain why you need to learn at all. At first, of course, he will relax and will not do anything. But over time, he will understand that he still needs to learn somehow and will begin to organize himself slowly. Of course, everything will not work right away. But after a while he will get better and better.

6) It is necessary to give rest

When a student comes from school, he needs 1.5-2 hours to rest. At this time, he can do his favorite things. There is also a category of mothers and fathers that begins to haunt a child as soon as he enters home.

Questions are coming up about grades, requests to show the diary and instructions to sit down for homework. If you do not let the baby rest, his concentration will be noticeably reduced. And in a tired state, he will no longer love the school and everything connected with it.

7) Quarrels in the family

An unfavorable atmosphere at home is a serious obstacle to good grades. When there are frequent quarrels and scandals in the family, the child begins to worry, become nervous and withdrawn. Sometimes she even starts to blame herself. As a result, all his thoughts are occupied by the current situation, and not by the desire for study.

8) Complexes

There are children with non-standard appearance or with a not very well-developed speech. Often they get a lot of ridicule. Therefore, they experience a lot of suffering and try to be invisible, avoid answers at the blackboard.

9) Bad company

Even in the first grade, some students manage to connect with dysfunctional friends. If friends do not want to learn, then your child will support them in this.

10) Dependencies

Children, like adults from an early age, can have their addictions. In elementary school, these are games, entertainment with friends. At the age of 9-12 - a passion for computer games. In adolescence - bad habits and a street company.

11) Hyperactivity

There are children with excess energy. They are characterized by poor perseverance and concentration. In this regard, it is difficult for them to sit in the classroom and listen without being distracted. And from here - bad behavior and even broken lessons. Such children need to attend additional sports sections. Detailed tips for can be found in this article.

If you correctly understand the reason for poor schooling, then we can assume that 50% of the problems have already been solved. In the future, it is necessary to develop an action plan, thanks to which it will be possible to encourage the student to study. Screaming, scandals, swearing - it never worked. Understanding your child and helping him with the difficulties that have arisen is what will create the right motivation.

13 practical tips on how to motivate a student to get fives

1. The first thing every parent should know is that the child needs to be praised for any of his successes.
   Then he naturally develops a desire to learn. Even if he is doing something not yet well enough, he still needs to be praised. After all, he almost coped with the new task and put a lot of effort into it. This is a very important condition, without which it is impossible to force the child to learn.
2. In no case do not blame for mistakes, because they learn from mistakes.
   If a child is scolded for not succeeding, then he will forever lose his desire to do this. Making mistakes is a natural process even for adults. Children do not have such a life experience and only learn new tasks for themselves, so you need to be patient, and if your child does not succeed, it would be better to help him figure it out.
3. Do not give gifts for study
   For the purpose of motivation, some adults promise various gifts to their children or a monetary reward for good study. This is not necessary. Of course, at first the baby will gain an incentive and begin to try in school, but over time, he will begin to demand more and more. And small gifts will cease to satisfy him. Moreover, study is his daily obligatory actions and the child must understand this. Therefore, the issue of motivation will not be resolved by such images in the long term.
4. It is necessary to show the son or daughter the full degree of responsibility that lies with this lesson - study
   To do this, explain why you need to study at all. Often children who do not have a special interest in learning do not understand why this is necessary. They have many other interesting things to do, and schooling is a hindrance.
5. It happens that parents demand too much from their children
   Now and so the training program is several times more complicated than before. Moreover, if a child goes to developing circles, then naturally overwork can occur. Do not require the child to be perfect. It is natural that some objects are more difficult for him, and it takes more time to understand them.
6. If any of the items is given to your son or daughter especially hard, then a good solution would be to hire a tutor
7. Better to instill a learning habit from 1st grade
   If a child in the first grade learns to achieve his goals, fulfill the tasks and for which he will receive praise and respect from adults, then he will not go out of this way.
8. Help see the positive changes.
   When something happens very difficult for your child, support him every time. Say phrases like: “Well, now you do it much better!” And if you continue in the same vein, you will do absolutely fine! ” But never use: “Try a little more and then it will be good.” Thus, you do not recognize the small victories of the child. It is very important to support it and notice the slightest changes.
9. Set an example
   Do not try to teach your child to do homework while you watch TV and relax in other ways. Children love to copy parents. If you want the child to develop, for example, read books, instead of lounging, do it yourself.
10. Keep up
    If the student has a difficult control, support him. Say that you believe in him, that he will succeed. Moreover, if he tries hard, then success is inevitable. It is necessary to support and when he completely failed. Many mothers and fathers prefer to reprimand in this case. It’s better to reassure the child and say that the next time he will surely cope. Just need to make a little more effort.
11. Share the experiences
    Explain to the baby that you can’t always do only what you want. Yes, I understand that you don’t like mathematics, but you need to study it. You can easily transfer it if you share it with loved ones.
12. Point out the good qualities of the child.
    Even if they are so far from good school, but the positive qualities of the baby, such as the ability to help others, charm, the ability to negotiate. This will help in creating an adequate self-esteem and find support within yourself. And normal self-esteem, in turn, will create self-confidence.
13. Take into account the desires and aspirations of the child himself
    If your kid is interested in music or drawing, there is no need to force him to attend a class with a mathematical bias. No need to break the child to say that you know better. All children are different and each has their own talents and abilities. Even if you force the student to engage in a non-favorite subject, he will not achieve much success in it. Because success is only where there is love for the cause and interest in the process.

Is it worth it to make a child learn?

As you probably already understood from this article, forcing a child to learn by force is a futile exercise. So you will only make it worse. It’s better to create the right motivation. To create motivation you need to understand why he needs it. What will he get thanks to his studies. For example, it will be able in the future to receive the profession of which it dreams. And without education, he will not have any profession at all and will not be able to earn a living.

When a student has a goal and a concept of why he should study, then desire and ambition appear.

And of course, you need to deal with the problems that prevent your child from becoming a successful student. There are no other ways to talk to him and find out.

I hope these practical tips will help you improve the performance of your children. If you still have questions, you can always contact us for help at psychologist consultation online.   An experienced child psychologist will help as soon as possible to find out all the reasons because of which the child experiences difficulties and unwillingness to learn. Together with you, he will develop a work plan that will help your child feel a taste for learning.

? ”, Then they came to the address: no longer need to read any articles, including this one. I will answer right now: “No way!”

It is impossible to force the child to obey. You can only force them to submit, and then not for long.

The famous German psychotherapist, the founder of gestalt therapy, Fritz Perls (Fritz Perls) argued that there are two ways to influence another person: to become a "dog from above" or "dog from below." “Dog from Above” is power, authority, orders, threats, punishments, pressure. “Dog from below” is flattery, lies, manipulations, sabotage, blackmail, tears. And when these two “dogs” enter the confrontation, the “dog from below” always wins. So, if you want the child to obey you, first stop making him. Stop commanding, read notations, shame. Here are some tips on how to replace these ineffective remedies.

How to Obey Obedience

The first step is to encourage and stimulate any activity of the child, directed in the right direction. Is the girl eager to wash the dishes? Be sure to allow it, even if her help only hurts. Psychologists conducted surveys of schoolchildren from the fourth to eighth grades, figuring out whether they were doing any. It turned out that the percentage of children who do not help parents is the same. But in the fourth to sixth grades many children were unhappy that they were not trusted with household chores! But in the seventh and eighth grades there were no more dissatisfied.

The founder of Russian psychology Lev Semenovich Vygotsky developed a universal scheme for teaching a child how to independently carry out everyday tasks. First, the child does something together with the parents, then the parents draw clear instructions, and then the child begins to act completely independently.

Let's say you want your child to be careful when he comes from the street. The first stage: everything is done together, parents show, help. At the second stage, you need to come up with and draw a hint: what, in what sequence and where you need to add it. For example, this one:

Most children readily follow clear and visual instructions. A habit gradually forms, and external clues become unnecessary.

The next great trick is to turn your actions into a competition. Just putting away toys is boring and long. To play cleaning is a completely different matter.

The game is a natural need for children, in a playful way they are ready to take on the most unloved things. Competition is also a great motivator.

The famous child psychologist Julia Borisovna Gippenreiter gives such an example. Parents wanted their son to do exercises. We bought equipment, my father made a horizontal bar in the doorway, but this was not particularly interesting for the boy, and he was swinging by all means. Then mother invited her son to compete, who will do more pull-ups. We got a table, hung it next to the horizontal bar. As a result, both began to exercise regularly.

A few words about common practice - to pay children for doing household chores ... In the long run, this does not work. The child’s demands are growing, and the amount of work done is decreasing. In one study, students were offered to solve a puzzle. Half of them were paid for it, while others were not. Those who received the money were less stubborn and quickly stopped trying. Those who acted out of sporting interest spent more time. This once again confirms the rule known in psychology: external motivation (even positive) is less effective than internal.

How to prohibit

Bans are not only for physical security. Numerous studies have shown that in childhood negatively affects the person and the fate of a person. Therefore, prohibitions must be mandatory. But it is very important not to go too far, because their excess is also harmful. Let's see what psychologists advise.

1. Flexibility

Julia Borisovna Gippenreiter proposes to divide the child’s entire activity into four zones: green, yellow, orange and red.

1. The green zone is that which is allowed without any conditions, that the child himself can choose. For example, what kind of toys to play.
2. Yellow zone - allowed, but with a condition. For example, you can go for a walk if you do homework.
3. Orange zone - allowed only in exceptional cases. For example, you can not go to bed on time, as today is a holiday.
4. The red zone is something that is impossible under any circumstances.

2. Consistency and consistency

If some actions are in the red zone, they should never be allowed to the child. It is enough to give slack once, and that’s all: the children instantly understand that you can not obey. The same applies to the yellow zone. If he has not done his homework, he must be deprived of a walk. Hardness and consistency are the main allies of parents. It is equally important that the requirements and prohibitions be agreed between family members. When mom forbids eating sweets, and dad allows, nothing good will come of it. Children quickly learn to use the odds between adults to their advantage. As a result, neither dad nor mom will obey.

3. Proportionality

Do not demand the impossible and be wary of difficult prohibitions. For example, it is very difficult for preschool children (and it is simply impossible for some) to sit quietly for longer than 20-30 minutes. Forbid them to jump, run and scream in this situation is meaningless. Another example: at the age of three, a child begins a period when he refuses all offers of his parents. How to cope with this is a separate issue, but “Enough to argue with me!” only bring harm. Parents should have an idea of \u200b\u200bthe age characteristics of the children in order to align their inhibitions with the capabilities of the child.

4. The right tone

A calm, friendly tone is more effective than rigor and threats. In one experiment, children were brought into a room with toys. The most attractive was a controlled robot. The experimenter told the child that he would leave and, while he was gone, it was impossible to play with the robot. In one case, the ban was strict, tough, with threats of punishment, in another, the teacher spoke softly, without raising his voice. The percentage of children who violated the ban was the same. But two weeks later these children were again invited to the same room ...

This time no one forbade them to play with the robot alone. 14 out of 18 children with whom they were strict last time immediately took a robot as soon as the teacher left. And most of the children from the other group still did not play with the robot until the tutor came. This is the difference between submission and obedience.

stokkete / Depositphotos.com

5. Punishment

For non-compliance with the prohibitions must be punished. The most common rules are as follows:

1. Better to strip the good than do the bad.
2. You cannot be punished publicly.
3. Punishment should never humiliate.
4. You can not be punished "for prevention."
5. Of the measures of physical impact, only retention is definitely recommended when it is necessary to stop a raging child. better minimized.

6. A bit of disobedience

An absolutely obedient child is not the norm. And what kind of life experience will your child receive if he follows the instructions and directions all the time? Sometimes you should let your child do something that will harm him. Encountering bad consequences is the best teacher. For example, a child reaches for a candle. If you see this and are sure that you are in control (there are no flammable objects nearby), let it touch the flame. This will save you from verbose explanations why you can not play with fire. Naturally, possible harm should be adequately assessed. Allowing the child to put his fingers in the socket is a crime.

Not following the instructions of adults, breaking locked, children are always trying to achieve something or avoid. For example, to gain attention to yourself or to avoid a traumatic situation. The most important and most difficult task for parents is to understand what is behind disobedience. And for this child you need to listen, you need to talk with him. Unfortunately, magic wands and unicorns do not exist. It is impossible to read the article on Lifehacker and solve all the problems in the relationship with. But you can at least try.

Being a Lazy Mom with a naughty baby is very difficult. After all, it takes a lot of effort and time to agree with the baby about the simplest things. And with obedient children, everything becomes much simpler, and you will not have to participate in disputes for any reason.

It is unpleasant to say this, but you need to start the changes on your own, since only a calm and confident mother can make a child obey the first time. In addition, you need to listen to the child and feel his needs. I will tell you exactly how to do this in the article.

How to make a child obey

Recently, there have been big problems with obedience in children. In modern realities, when they are very pampered, it is quite difficult to keep the child within the permissible limits. Why is this happening?

Now the idea of \u200b\u200bchildren's permissiveness is being actively promoted. Babies up to about 2 years old are not forbidden, they are not given assignments, and on the whole they hardly raise them. Therefore, by 3-4 years it is not surprising that the child does not obey adults. Although there are other reasons: conflicting directions, inadequate requirements for the child’s age, etc.

How to make a child obey?

The first thing to understand is that in no case should you resort to physical punishment. After a few slaps, the child will really fulfill your request. When in the future he will be capricious, the mere mention of physical violence will make him calm down. And everything looks fine - the system works.

But in fact, the child does not become "obedient", he is simply afraid of you. I am sure that you would not want to cause horror and fear in a child. In addition to your relationship now, this whole situation will affect the future of the child. Physical punishment, an undercurrent of resentment and anger will certainly come up in adolescence in the form of rebellion. Or vice versa, the child will completely plunge into himself, become inert, clogged and unsure of himself.

With any development of the situation, a happy slaughtered child will not grow up. Therefore, the physical impact - not immediately!

Learn to talk with your child, negotiate, and then you don’t have to resort to the belt.

How to talk with a child correctly?

A lot depends on how and what you say to the baby. To begin with, you should pay attention to the volume - if you constantly speak in elevated tones, the child ceases to perceive the meaning of phrases. Remember your feelings when the boss or saleswoman scolded you in a raised voice. Even if it is a well-deserved criticism, anger and resentment of a screaming person appears.

• Make eye contact. Children concentrate on only one task, so until you attract his attention, he may just not hear your phrases. That's right: squat in front of the child, touch your hand so that he looks at you, and look into your eyes. Contact by name and repeat your request.
• Short and clear tasksespecially if you are talking with a child under 4 years old. It is difficult for them to remember and perform a sequence of actions. Therefore, instead of the monosyllabic “take off your jacket and shoes, wash your hands and sit down at the table”, give out tasks gradually. First “take off your jacket and shoes” when “wash your hands” will be done, and only after that “sit down at the table”.
• Speech Too Long. Parents like to recall past failures when they report the child or ask to stop something. And it’s hard for children to catch the phrase “Did you forget how you fell off the couch last time and had to go to the hospital?” Now get down, otherwise the situation will happen again and you will cry. ” It is correct to say succinctly: "You can’t jump on the couch - this is dangerous." In this case, the main message will be received.
• Indirect directions.   Kids take all phrases literally, so they don’t see instructions for action in the question “Are you going to get out of the puddle?” Do not overestimate the skills of children, because they only learn the language and do not understand much. Speak directly and unequivocally: "get out of the puddle."
• The use of negation is NOT.   Children often miss the negative message "not", and instead of "do not go into a puddle" they hear the invitation "go into a puddle." Instead, it’s better to propose another interesting alternative: “Let's go around the puddle so as not to stain new shoes.”
• Constant twitching. Some anxious mothers take care of the child in such a way that throughout the day they warn the baby about the danger: “do not stumble on the threshold”, “go around the evil dog”, “do not step into the puddle”, “do not drop the mug” ... Over time, the child ceases to perceive these phrases taking them for "background noise". Reduce the number of comments to the required minimum, just go next to it and insure in dangerous moments.
• Inability to hear a child.   Being with a child 24 hours 7 days a week, many mothers begin to turn off. They seem to be next to the baby, but immersed in their thoughts, talking on the phone and not hearing their child. Over time, the baby begins to copy this behavior, ignoring your instructions. Instead, set the right example — take a break from washing the dishes for a moment to listen to the baby’s story. Support the conversation, clarify something, then the baby will be more attentive to your words.

In addition, listen to your words. It is necessary to focus not on the child and how bad he is, but on his feelings.

Wrong phrase: " You are so selfish! Stop yelling already, now let's go already! Shut up now, I'm ashamed of you in front of others».

Correct phrase: “ I understand that you are tired. Now I’ll pay for the purchase and go home. I will read a book and you will rest. And now, please, if you want to shout, do it, please, be quiet - I find it difficult to concentrate».

You can focus on your feelings:

Wrong phrase: " I am ashamed of your behavior before others ”- So you show that the opinions of others are more important than the child.
  Correct phrase: “ It's hard for me, screaming hurts my headsand".

Watch what you say and how the child can understand these phrases. Then it will be easier for you to find a common language with him.

How to make a child obey the first time

Teaching your baby obedience is not easy and fast. After all, there is no magic pill suitable for every child. And this is not a robot that is able to blindly follow orders. But still there are certain tips that teach a child to obey his parents the first time.

Each child has his own approach. So try different methods and choose the right one.

So, let's look at the basic techniques to teach a child to obey:

1. Minimum bans. When a child throughout the day only hears “you can’t”, “don’t climb”, “step back”, he ceases to obey. Therefore, try to use prohibitive phrases only as a last resort, when he does something serious. Instead, secure the space for games, remove dangerous and fragile things, be near the child to distract him from dangerous games, or stop him in time.
2. Unanimous opinion in the family. Be sure to work out certain rules in the family that should never be violated. If dad allows, and mom forbids, it’s difficult for the child to follow the instructions. After all, if parents split up on one issue, then you can disobey others.
3. Unambiguous prohibitions.   Do not change your view of any prohibitions so as not to confuse the child's orientations. If you said "last ride on a hill, and then go home," then you need to keep your word. Once or twice the child will be able to persuade you to stay, and then he will repeat this technique constantly. Only more confident, because he knows - this method allows you to achieve the desired.
4. Encourage your child’s initiative. Children love to help adults, imitate them and be helpful. Do not ruin this desire in the bud. If a two year old baby wants to wash his dishes, let him do it and praise him. And when he does not see, just wash. If a child voluntarily performs one task, then it will be easier with others.
5. Consider age features. You can not require a 3-year-old child to sit quietly for a while, because energy is seething in them and it needs to be released. Also, at the age of 3, a crisis begins, and a ban is received for all offers of mom. Therefore, study information about crises, abilities and skills by age. Only when you understand your child will he obey you.
6. Perform threats. Many adults intimidate a child with empty or non-violent threats “if you don’t eat, I’ll pour it on your head”, “if you don’t go for a walk now, we won’t go for a walk anymore!” At first, such a trick will pass, and the children will obey, but if the punishment has not been received after the “order” has not been executed, the fear will disappear. Therefore, monitor your threats and execute them. This, of course, is not about physical punishment. After all, besides them, there is a separate article for. For such crumbs, thinking works differently, so you need to educate them differently.
7. Give the opportunity to choose. If the child has only prohibitions and instructions, sooner or later he can arrange a riot on the ship. To make a child obey and obey, it’s enough to create at least the illusion of choice. “Let's take a duckling or a whale in the bath?”, “Will you go to the hospital in a black t-shirt or a yellow one?”, “Do you put a carrot or a pot?” ”,“ Who will sleep with toys today? ”.
8. Learning sequence. If you want the child to do something on his own, you need to teach him. First, complete the task together (parents and child), then draw instructions and suggest if the child has any difficulties, then he does it on his own. Be sure to go through all these steps and do not throw the baby in front of difficulties.
9. Play, not give orders. It is much easier to make your child obey if you propose to do something interesting. Do not “take away the toys”, but “get into the basket with toys”. Or add a competitive element: do not “drop the cars, go eat”, but “let's see whose machine will reach the kitchen faster.” Think about how you can beat your task so that the child himself wants to complete it.
10. Encourage, but not with money. Monetary incentive is used very actively, but it is advisable instead to better watch the cartoon, give something tasty, go to the attractions, etc. Make it clear that obedience is rewarded. Be sure to praise the child, but watch for sincerity in your voice. Children feel fake. Hug, kiss, although this child should receive not only for obedient behavior, but just because he is.
11. Set a good example.   All your requirements, prohibitions, notations are useless if you yourself do not comply with them. The phrases “do not snarl” and “do not be rude” are useless if you constantly swear with your husband or allow yourself to communicate with your child in a rude manner. Children copy the behavior of their parents even in small things, so watch yourself carefully and think - what will my child learn?

If all else fails, look at how Dr. Kurpatov helped in a seemingly hopeless case.

And even if you understand how to make a child obey the first time, you do not need to abuse your power. Leave him a little freedom, let him defend his opinion, respect their decision and give at least the illusion of choice so as not to run into problems in the future. Unquestioningly obedient children often grow up subject to the influence of others (drugs, alcohol), non-initiative (lack of independence, inability to be a leader) and with other psychological problems.