How to punish a child - what happens if you step over that “fine line” of education

Does the child ignore the requests and demands of his parents, is capricious and throws tantrums, does everything out of spite?

Every mother faces this from time to time. Some more often, some less often.

What to do?

How to punish for bad behavior and is it worth punishing at all? These questions interest all parents.

Why children don't listen

All parents would like their children to be obedient and fulfill all the parents' demands the first time.

However, in reality this is unlikely to happen. Why don't children obey their parents?

Every child needs certain rules and order..

This way he will feel more calm and confident. Sometimes he wants to test the permitted boundaries and breaks the accepted rules.

If there are too many prohibitions, then the child rebels and stops obeying his parents.

Therefore, the number of words “impossible” should be limited. However, it is necessary to be consistent, otherwise it will not be clear why it is possible today and not tomorrow.

There is also such an extreme when the baby is allowed everything whatever he wants.
In this case, there is no need to talk about discipline - he simply does not know what can be done and what not.
Sometimes children don't listen when they can't understand what they want.
Therefore, it is important for children (up to 5 years old) to show the necessary actions and perform them with him until he remembers.
There are moments when the child begins to test the strength of the permitted boundaries..
These are the so-called age crises. They happen at 3 years, 5-6 years, adolescence. They usually involve significant changes in skills. For example, I learned to walk, became aware of myself, and so on.
In some cases, children stop fulfilling requests if they want to attract attention to themselves.

If a child does not obey, then, first of all, it is necessary to pay attention to the methods of education, the situation in the family, the requirements for the child and his responsibilities. If parents do not take into account the experiences of their children, their emotions, needs and interests, then it will be difficult to establish discipline.

Why is this, and what will happen if everything is allowed?

There has long been a debate among teachers and psychologists, some of whom consider punishment acceptable in certain situations and even necessary, and supporters of a “happy, cloudless childhood.”

In the first case, it is considered that, without building in right time system of punishments and rewards, parents will face uncontrollability.

After all, they have no leverage over their child.

The second opinion is based on the fact that parents are obliged to create conditions for their child for a safe and happy childhood.

Therefore, it is proposed to treat all the child’s actions calmly and kindly, solve his problems, and not scold him or punish him. Children will grow up and understand all the norms of behavior accepted in society. This direction is guided by the theory of American pediatrician

B. Spock.

His principles were the denial of any punishment.

However, refusing to punish can make your child selfish and disorganized. He may never learn to respect others.

And is it really possible to endure all the “pranks” of your child for many years and never break down? No. The accumulated irritation sooner or later breaks out.

This will be a shock for a child who is accustomed to permissiveness. He will think that his parents stopped loving him. Therefore, refusing to use punishment and indulging in whims will not eliminate conflicts.

Such children show aggression even more often, especially when they leave the family circle and encounter the real world.

In order to correctly form a child’s personality, rules of behavior and prohibitions must be established. And if your child is 2 or needs to act completely differently.

About punishment at different ages

So, punishment should still be present in education. But it’s worth deciding when and how to punish them.

Punishment must occur after the act has been committed.

It is worth punishing in exceptional cases, if the child deliberately committed an act, knowing that it was bad.

It is also important to consider age. Children under 2.5-3 years old are poorly aware of what actions they will be punished for. Therefore, it is better for them to simply remind them every time what is possible and what is not. You cannot punish if the child does not even understand why. It is worth taking into account age-related mental norms.

There is no need to demand an adult attitude from your child to various situations.

For example, children are often jealous of their parents towards each other, do not want to share toys, etc. There is no need to punish for this.

Expert opinion

Children under five years old often repeat the actions of adults. Therefore, it is necessary to monitor your actions and the people around you. Explain what is possible and what is not. It is especially important to show this through your behavior. If a child is forbidden to do something, but continues to do it themselves, then he is unlikely to understand that it is actually impossible.

Also, when choosing a punishment, it is necessary to take into account the character of a particular child, his temperament, and emotionality.

After all, different children perceive the same punishment differently.

Advice from a psychologist - punish without harm to the psyche

Punishment should not cause any physical or psychological harm.

It should help the little man understand the consequences of his offense and draw appropriate conclusions in order to avoid mistakes in the future.

That's why When choosing a method of punishment you need to follow these rules:

Don't punish rashly

If emotions are at their limit, then you urgently need to calm down: count to ten, go to another room for a couple of minutes, and more. When a person calms down, he assesses the situation more adequately.

Punish lovingly

The worst thing for a baby is not the action itself, but the fact that mom or dad may have stopped loving him. If he feels that his parents still love him, then the punishment is perceived as fair.

It is necessary to clearly set the boundaries of what is permitted and then apply punishment

That is, the child must clearly know why he will be punished. For example, a child in kindergarten took a toy from a friend. If his parents did not explain to him that he should not do this, then it is wrong to punish him. First we explain, next time we punish.

It is not the child who needs to be punished, but his offense

For example, he hit a neighbor's boy. He knows that this cannot be done. You figured out the situation and found out that your child is really to blame. When punishing him, you need to say that he is not bad because he hit another, but he committed a bad deed.

When punishing, it is necessary to clearly define the time interval

For example, “sit down and sit on a chair for 5 minutes,” “tonight you will be left without watching a cartoon.” The phrases “No more cartoons”, “You’ll never get sweets” and the like are unacceptable.

After punishment there must be reconciliation

It's good if you have your own ritual.

When to start?

At what age should a child take responsibility for his own behavior?

There is an opinion that it is impossible to punish children under 3 years of age.

It is based on the fact that until this age the child does not know how to build cause-and-effect relationships.

If a toy breaks, he understands that it does not work, but does not realize that he himself or some of his actions were the culprit. Therefore, he will not understand why he is being punished.

However, this does not mean that you can allow your baby everything. It’s just that in case of his misconduct, it is necessary to explain to him what cannot be done so that it does not happen again.

If Small child demands something that cannot be done, they try to divert his attention to something else. Letting your child know what is possible and what is not is necessary as early as possible.

What is possible and what is not?

A child’s actions cannot be too limited by prohibitions. If everything is prohibited, then how will he explore the world? In such cases, children grow up dependent and lacking initiative.

For example, children are often jealous of their parents towards each other, do not want to share toys, etc. There is no need to punish for this.

Alina Viktorovna Lisova – teacher

Teacher-psychologist at a private development center

However, for a deliberate violation of previously established rules, the agreed punishment should be applied. For example, say “if you call the children in kindergarten bad names, you won’t get sweets for dinner.”

The child violated this rule, which means you don’t give sweets for dinner, no matter how much he asks. The rest of the family should also not violate the punishment, otherwise the child will not understand that this cannot be done.

From the point of view of many psychologists, it is necessary to punish for:

Insults, especially towards elders.
Lie.

However, it is worth distinguishing between lies used to achieve some result and fantasy, which children are prone to. Fantasies will go away as you grow older.

It is important that parents themselves do not lie and do not teach them to lie. Lying should not be encouraged.

Physical violence.

Do you often punish your child?

YesNo

The child must understand that such behavior is not acceptable, even if the parents allow it, others will not tolerate it.

It is important that parents do not encourage the use of force against weaker children or animals.

Demonstrative violation of established rules of behavior.

If a child accidentally breaks some rules, it’s not scary. When he knows that he should not do this, but still does it without an objective reason, then this behavior must be corrected.

Theft. It must be severely punished.

What cannot be punished for:

When a child is hyperactive, he shows restlessness and cannot concentrate on something for a long time.

In this case, there is no point in punishing him. This is his peculiarity.

And vice versa - the child is slow, does everything slowly, does not have time

This often irritates parents, but there is no need to scold or rush him, it will not bring any benefit.

The child learns about the world and is active

Adults are often annoyed by the high activity of children: they run a lot, jump, make noise, and play around. These actions are most often associated not with annoying adults, but with the need to learn the world. This is their natural behavior.

Some actions caused physiological characteristics child or illness

For example, a child does not like fish or milk; there is no need to force him to eat or punish him for refusing. Or the child has enuresis and described the bed. Scolding him will only make the problem worse. He didn't do it intentionally.

Actions caused by negligence. For example, I accidentally dropped and broke a cup

The child cannot yet clearly perform all the actions, and adults are often careless.

Manifestation of feelings - jealousy, reluctance to part with parents, uncertainty, reluctance to share, etc.

There is no need to punish for this. Later, they will definitely develop a more mature self-awareness, they will learn to solve complex social problems, and will be able to manage their emotions.

How to be strict without losing trust?

When using punishment in parenting, the main thing is not to overdo it, so as not to lose the love and trust of your baby. To do this, you need to adhere to the following principles:

Don't impose too many restrictions

Give your child room to explore

Requirements should be age-appropriate

Don't ask for something he can't remember or do yet.

Before you punish, you need to understand the situation
If the child was punished, then be sure to make peace with him afterwards.

Explain your position, remind him that you love him no matter what.

Children should not be humiliated or insulted

Many parents like to spank their children on the bottom or hands. However, such punishment is rarely effective. Why? If you spank your child weakly, he will more likely perceive it as a game.

For example, children are often jealous of their parents towards each other, do not want to share toys, etc. There is no need to punish for this.

Alina Viktorovna Lisova – teacher

Teacher-psychologist at a private development center

He may even specifically ask for such punishment in order to attract attention. After all, such a slap does not bring pain. Only very young children of 1-2 years old can perceive it as a prohibition, if they make the appropriate face.

If you spank so hard that it hurts, then this is physical violence. Although some parents use such punishment and even cruelly punish disobedient children with a belt.

They justify this by saying that the child does not understand otherwise. However, by justifying physical violence to any degree, parents acknowledge their own helplessness.

Violence breeds response. The child will decide that a stronger person can offend a weak one, and will take it out on someone who is weaker, for example, another child or an animal.

In addition, the constant expectation of physical pain causes psychological harm to the baby.

Therefore, if parents do not want to lose the trust of their child, then it is worth using other methods of education than physical punishment.

Rules for parents

Do you manage to remain calm while punishing your child?

NoYes

Do not cause physical or psychological harm to the child
Punish only for the offense committed, and not for prevention
For several violations committed at once, one punishment is imposed for all at once
Do not deprive your child of previously given items or promised rewards if this has not been discussed immediately
Don't blackmail, don't manipulate his feelings
Punishment must be determined in advance
It is necessary to punish immediately after the violation is committed, and not after some time

After punishment, there is no need to constantly remember the child’s offense.

Modern parents are increasingly faced with hyperactivity syndrome. Read how to behave in the material at our link.

Punishment options

Let's consider several options for how to punish a child for bad behavior and disobedience.

Deprive a child of pleasure

As punishment, you can deprive the child of what he loves for a certain time: watching cartoons, playing on the computer, eating sweets, and more.

Place the child in a special punishment chair for a certain time so that he thinks about his behavior

A variation of this punishment is to put him in a corner. However, this option is not desirable, because it causes the muscles of the legs and back to be tense, and this state is not conducive to thinking.

If the child does not want to collect toys, put them away so that he cannot get them

Don’t give it for a while, let him promise that he will collect it next time. Discuss the punishment for violation. For example, he will not be able to play with toys for one day. If you break a rule, be sure to punish it as agreed.

Comic punishments for minor offenses are possible: sit down 10 times, repeat a rule several times; for older children, write this rule several times

The main thing is to give real tasks that the child can complete.

Another recommended method is not suitable for every parent: allow the child to draw his own conclusions from breaking the rules

For example, allow him to get wet in a puddle and catch a cold, do not forbid hitting other children, and then no one will want to be friends with him.

Ignoring a child

You have to be careful with this punishment. After all, prolonged neglect can cause psychological harm to a child. But if you refuse to play with him for a while because of bad behavior, then this will serve as a lesson to him.

How to raise your child, whether to punish him or not, and how exactly, each parent decides independently. However, it must be taken into account that the child needs to be able to live and adapt in society. Therefore, it is necessary for all children to adhere to certain accepted social norms. Parents decide how to instill these rules in them.

Why do many parents actively use physical force on their children? The reasons behind this phenomenon are quite deep. But physical punishment, being extremely harmful, can be replaced by much more effective and humane alternatives.

Some argue that “You need to spank a child before he grows up”. And this is a tribute to tradition. After all, in Rus', birch rods were an integral element of education. But today everything has changed, and physical punishment is equivalent to medieval executions. True for many this question is important and remains open.

Key reasons for using physical punishment in the educational process

A huge number of parents use force in raising their children and do not think about the consequences this may provoke. It is customary for them to fulfill their parental duty, generously giving their children slaps on the head. Moreover, to maintain discipline, an object of intimidation - a belt, etc. - is often hung in a visible place.

What are the reasons for such furious medieval cruelty among modern mothers and dad? There are several reasons:

Hereditary causes. Most often, parents take out their own childhood grievances on their child. Moreover, such a father or mother usually does not realize that there is an upbringing without violence. Their confidence that a slap on the head reinforces the spoken educational words in a child is unshakable;
Lack of desire, as well as time, to raise a child, conduct lengthy conversations, explain why he is wrong.
After all, it is much faster and easier to hit a child than to sit down with him and talk about his misdeeds, to help him understand his own wrong; Lack of even basic knowledge about the process of raising children.
Parents pick up a belt only out of despair and not knowing how to cope with the “little monster”; Often parents beat their own child only because there is no one else to lash out at. The salary is meager, the boss is cruel, the wife doesn’t listen, and then there’s harmful child, spinning under your feet. And the parent slaps the butt for it. Moreover, the louder the child cries and the more afraid the father is, the more the father will blame the child for his own problems and failures. After all, a person needs to at least feel his own power and authority in front of someone. And the worst thing is when there is no one to stand up for the child;
Mental disorders. There are also parents who simply need to shout, spank their child, or start a showdown for no apparent reason. Next, the parent reaches the required condition, hugs the baby to himself and cries with him. Such mothers and fathers need the help of a doctor.

What is physical punishment?

Experts consider physical punishment not only the direct use of brute force to influence a child. In addition to belts, towels, slippers, slaps on the head, punishment in the corner, tugging on arms and sleeves, ignoring, force feeding or not feeding, etc. are used. But in any case, one goal is pursued - to cause pain, to demonstrate power over the child, to show him his place.

Statistics: Most often, children under 4 years of age are subjected to physical punishment, since they cannot yet hide, defend themselves, or be indignant with the question: “Why?”

Physical influence provokes a new wave of disobedience in the child, which, in turn, leads to a new surge in the parent’s aggression. Thus, the so-called cycle of domestic violence appears.

Consequences of physical punishment. Is it acceptable to hit a child?

Are there any benefits to physical punishment? Of course not. It is incorrect to say that the carrot has no effect without the stick and that a light beating can be useful in some situations.

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After all, any physical punishment results in consequences:

Fear of the parent on whom the child directly depends (and at the same time loves). This fear develops over time into neurosis;
Against the background of such neurosis, it is difficult for a child to adapt to society, find friends, and later, a significant other. This also affects your career;
Children raised by such methods have extremely low self-esteem. The child remembers “the right of the strong” for the rest of his life. Moreover, he will use this right himself at the first opportunity;
Regular spanking affects the psyche, causing developmental delays;
Children who constantly concentrate on expecting punishment from their parents are unable to concentrate on lessons or games with other children;
In 90% of cases, a child beaten by his parents will do the same to his own children;
Over 90% of perpetrators were abused by their parents in childhood. Probably no one wants to raise a maniac or masochist;
A child who regularly receives punishment loses his sense of reality, stops solving pressing problems, stops studying, experiences constant anger and fear, as well as a desire for revenge;
With each blow, the child moves away from the parent. The natural connection between parents and children is disrupted. There will be no mutual understanding in a family with violence. Growing up, the child will cause many problems for tyrant parents. And in old age, parents face an unenviable fate;
A punished and humiliated child is extremely lonely. He feels broken, forgotten, thrown to the sidelines of life and unnecessary to anyone. In such states, children are capable of doing such stupid things as going into bad company, smoking, drugs, or even suicide;
When parents get into a frenzy, they often lose control of themselves. As a result, caught under hot hand a child runs the risk of getting injured, sometimes incompatible with life, if, after a blow from a parent, he falls and hits a sharp object.

You can't hit children. There are effective alternatives

It must be remembered that physical punishment is a weakness, not a strength of parents, a manifestation of their failure. And excuses like “he doesn’t understand differently” remain just excuses.

In any case, there is an alternative to physical violence. For this:
You should distract the child and switch his attention to something interesting.
Engage your baby in an activity that will make him want to be naughty and capricious. Hug your baby and convince him of your love. Afterwards, you can spend at least a couple of hours of your own “precious” time with the baby. After all, the child lacks attention ( ).
We also read: Come up with new games. For example, you can collect scattered toys in two large boxes, first one. The reward may be good story
Use loyal methods of punishment (deprivation of a laptop, TV, going for a walk, etc.).

READ ALSO:

To hit or not to hit? The story of a mother who is condemned by everyone -
8 loyal ways to punish children. How to properly punish a child for disobedience -
7 blunders of parents during quarrels with children -
How not to punish a child -
Is it necessary to punish a child at 3 years old: the opinion of parents and a psychologist -

It is important to learn how to get along with your child without punishment. There are a huge number of methods for this. There would be a desire, but you can always find an alternative. It is important for any parent to understand that children should absolutely not be beaten under any circumstances!

Why you shouldn't hit children. Parental self-control and physical punishment

Opinions from mommies from forums

Olga: My opinion is that you can’t be too strict. Because we begin to force ourselves into strict boundaries, and when we are not around, the children will begin to have a blast. Remember for yourself, you always begin to want even more what you can’t or don’t have. And we ourselves cannot always fall asleep, even if we really want to. To hit or not to hit?? I am against hitting, although I sometimes spank myself. Then I scold myself. I think that when we raise our hand to a child, we simply cannot cope with our emotions. You can just come up with a punishment. This is a corner for us. The little guy really doesn’t like standing there, he roars... But we have an agreement with him, if he’s placed there, until he calms down, I won’t come up to talk to him. And it stands until it cools down. The hardest thing is probably to find a punishment, because one method does not work for everyone.

Zanon2: don't hit, but punish! agree. but no hitting!

Beloslava: I also spank sometimes, but then I think I’ve lost my temper again, I can’t hit... I try to change the subject altogether if the psychos attack, usually this happens before nap time, but what depresses me most is that when a child is naughty and I swear, he says “hit.” .he still doesn’t speak in phrases. I explain that I love him and don’t want to beat him and won’t. I’m trying to restrain myself now, it seems like I’ve started to forget... And our dad also thinks that we should beat him... and there’s no way to convince him... he was in childhood beat...

Natalinka15: Yes, it’s a difficult topic, I try not to shout, but I don’t accept hitting a child at all, I try to negotiate. If I can’t calmly come to an agreement, then I leave my daughter alone for a while and just turn around and leave. Sometimes she reacts differently, sometimes she immediately calms down and sometimes she doesn’t. But when I leave, we both have time to think and calm down. In principle, it always works out, then everything can be resolved peacefully and we make peace.

Palms_to_the_Sun: That’s what I was thinking about...why do we, adults and parents, allow ourselves to hit our child if he gets out, acts as an irritant, if we can’t come to an agreement with him...and why don’t we spank adults who are completely different from us?.....after all, those They can also irritate, offend... after all, we think a hundred times before punching our opponent in the face. Also? we are afraid to act as an aggressor, we want to look civilized, smart and tolerant, and transfer the conflict to diplomacy. What about children then it doesn’t work for some?

Read also: How to raise children: carrot or stick? —

Video consultations with specialists

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Teaching a child discipline is not an easy task, especially if you have wayward or adult children. Discipline not only teaches children to recognize what behavior is acceptable and what is not, but the way children are taught discipline teaches them how to respond to different situations in an adult manner. If you respond to children's misbehavior by rationally discussing the problem and finding a solution, then they will learn to do the same, because children will then learn from your example, not from words. Most experts agree that teaching children discipline is largely about keeping them safe and expressing love.

Steps

Part 1

How to teach your child to be aware of his bad behavior

Know how to say “no” to your child. Take action as soon as your child begins to misbehave by emphasizing that his behavior is unacceptable. It is very important to explain to the child why his behavior is not acceptable, so that he understands why he was reprimanded. This will teach him to understand the consequences of his actions.

Distract your child from the situation. If your child makes a scene, gets angry, upset, or plays around, distract him from the situation. Find a safe space to discuss his emotions or actions and talk to him about how he can improve in the future. Remember that children do not always know how to express themselves correctly, and punishment often does not The best way teach them this.

Let your child know that you will always support him.
Tell your child that you love him.
Reassure him, thereby letting him know that you understand.
Young children respond most to hugs and physical closeness in conflict situations, which helps them feel safe and feel their mother's love.
Older children begin to reject parental care and are unlikely to want you to hug them, but you can simply tell your child that you will always support him and teach him to calm down on his own. This includes deep breathing, counting, distraction, soothing music and visualization techniques.

Treat your child like a boss treats a subordinate. Children are often naughty if they think they can get away with it. Find words that will remind your child that you are the boss of the house. Repeat these words if your child is playing around. Be true to your own decisions, otherwise the child will think that he is in control of the situation. Remember that you are a parent, not a friend, and your job does not have to be liked, but should be aimed at keeping the child safe and healthy, and you should strive to teach him decency and responsibility.
- To establish control, try using phrases like “I am a mother” or “I am the boss here.”
- Stand up for your position, no matter what kind of tantrum the child throws. Do not give in to provocations if he tries to manipulate you (for example, by holding your breath).
- It's more difficult with older children. Encourage your child to participate in discussions about decisions that affect his life and tell him how certain behaviors will affect him. Remember that ultimately the decision is yours, but be prepared to explain how you got to this point so he understands the entire decision-making process.
Part 2
How to provide positive reinforcement good behavior
1. Praise the child. Sometimes kids make a scene because they know they will get noticed, so recognize and praise good behavior instead of only reacting to bad behavior. This develops self-esteem, strengthens the intention to behave well and discourages making a scene. Focus on your feelings and the positive impact your child's behavior has on both of you. Then he will understand that good behavior is its own reward.
  
  Reward your child for good behavior. Give your child something small for listening, playing obediently, doing housework, or simply being good. Giving privileges can also be a good reward, but don't use food as a reward as this may lead to unhealthy eating habits in the future. Don't bribe your child with rewards in advance to make him behave better.
  
  Allow your child to make some decisions. Children often make a scene because they feel they have no control over the situation. Give your child the opportunity to make small decisions, and he will feel more in control of the situation and will not make a scene.
  - If your child is young, let him choose between reading a book and coloring before lunch or bedtime.
  - Let him choose his own clothes.
  - Let him choose which toys he wants to play with in the bath.
  - Ask him what kind of sandwich he prefers for an afternoon snack.
  - As you get older, decisions will become more important. Allow your child to choose which activities to attend if the school allows such a choice, or allow him to decide what sports or other activities he wants to participate in after school.
  Part 3
  How to explain to your child the consequences of bad behavior
  1. Explain your expectations and consequences. The child must know exactly what is expected of him and what will happen if he breaks the rules. Take disciplinary action if necessary. Try not to make unnecessary and groundless threats, as for a child this is a sure sign that you will not punish him. Once he learns that he can avoid punishment, the child will continue to push the boundaries. Teach him to understand the consequences of his actions in a logical way. Relate his behavior to consequences by saying something like:
    
    Give your child the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. All actions have natural consequences, and institutions such as school, church and society expect different behaviors from a child. Sometimes a child needs to understand that it is not only at home that rules are imposed on his behavior. It can be difficult, but sometimes it's important to let your child fail so they can learn a life lesson.

No matter how much parents love their children, sometimes they have to resort to punishment. After all, by indulging your child, you risk raising an irresponsible teenager who will believe that everything is allowed to him. The main thing is not to go too far and not harm the child’s psyche. How to constructively punish a child?

10 rules for parents

Be consistent. Use the same discipline when your child misbehaves. Do not arbitrarily change the rules of conduct or punishment without a clear reason. Don't ignore your children's misdeeds, even if you find it difficult to do anything about them.
Set clear boundaries. Give your child an idea of how to behave and how not to behave, from the very beginning. early age by establishing clear boundaries of what is permitted.
Match the punishment to the crime. Little pranks or a first-time offense deserve only a warning, but deliberate disrespect or aggressive behavior will require a serious response. Keep in mind that children are not perfect and learn from mistakes, but they need to understand that their bad behavior is not acceptable.
Don't punish for long. The child will lose the connection between the offense and the ban on watching TV if it lasts two weeks. Punishment should be short-term but effective.
Keep calm. If you are constantly angry and raise your voice at your children so often that it has become commonplace, your anger will no longer affect them. It turns out that you will need to scream even louder for them to notice you.
Present a united front with your spouse. Agree with your husband/wife general rules behavior and punishment for children. The child quickly realizes that one of the parents can forgive him and begins to manipulate him. Lack of consent can cause problems not only with your offspring, but also in your relationship with your spouse.
Be a positive role model. Never forget that children learn by watching you. Make an effort to be polite, hardworking, honest, and perhaps there will be fewer reasons for punishment.
Don't forget to reward good behavior. Disciplinary action is only part of the educational process. In addition to punishing wrongdoing, spend time rewarding good behavior such as kindness, patience, accuracy, and hard work.
Talk about your expectations. It is important that your child knows what you consider good and bad behavior and what the consequences will be for breaking the rules. If he is old enough, he can choose his own reward for good behavior, if appropriate.
Consider the age and temperament of the child. No two children are exactly alike. Therefore, it is impossible to use the same disciplinary methods on a three-year-old and a seven-year-old child. If you have a little melancholic growing up, then threats can harm his psychological health.

Methods of constructive and loyal punishment

Note to moms!

Is physical punishment acceptable?

Perhaps no topic in matters of raising a child causes such heated discussion as physical punishment. Many teachers and psychologists unanimously oppose it, believing that spanking only creates fear in the child and resentment towards adults. To avoid spanking and cuffing, children become resourceful and learn to lie.

True, it is necessary to distinguish between the systematic beating of children with an officer’s belt and buckle and the reaction of adults to the dangerous behavior of a child. Surely you could watch how a frightened mother spanks her baby, who ran out onto a busy highway and almost fell under the wheels of a car. In such extreme cases, physical pressure usually does not harm the child, since it does not involve humiliation.

How to punish children is up to their parents to decide. The main thing is to do it correctly and constructively. Do not go too far with disciplinary actions; it is better to explain to the child, without shouting or physical punishment, why he behaved incorrectly, and then he will understand you.

Hug your baby and convince him of your love. Afterwards, you can spend at least a couple of hours of your own “precious” time with the baby. After all, the child lacks attention (

Many parents argue about the corrective measures that should be taken against an offending child. And it is often unclear whether punishing children is necessary. Some use physical force, others may ignore bad behavior, and some put the child in a corner. Experts advise remembering the main nuances of raising children, which are important when choosing the most effective method of influence.

How much punishment is necessary?

If parents constantly reward their child with spanks for every offense, tell them about a scary wolf as punishment, or leave them in a dark corner for a long time, then such a child can safely be called unhappy. Such educational techniques will lead to the fact that in the future he will have low self-esteem and distrust of everything around. And also, not all disciplinary methods can be considered an educational process, rather banal cruelty.

But permissiveness only brings harm. If the child thinks that nothing will happen to him for bad behavior, then the boundaries of good and bad deeds will be erased. It turns out that punishment is mandatory, but mom and dad still make mistakes. And the child, growing up, remembers his parents that he was sometimes unfairly punished. If the reproach has had the desired effect, then the child will understand what he did wrong and will not do the same in the future.

Psychologists believe that Proper punishment of children has several important tasks:

Correcting unwanted child behavior.
Control over permitted boundaries.
Compensation for damage caused by the baby.
Preventing similar offenses in the future.

Thus, most experts agree that punishment is necessary. All that remains is to understand how to punish a child, and at what age this can be done.

If the child is under two years old, he will not understand the connection between his offense and the preventive measures that the parents will take. For example, Japanese parents prefer not to scold their child until he is 3 years old. But from this age, the child is introduced to the new order, and punishments for offenses also appear.

Until the age of two, a disciplinary measure should not be applied to a child. It is better to transfer the child’s attention to other things. In this case, you need to clearly say “no” and make it clear to the child that certain behavior is not desirable. At three years old, a child begins a crisis phase, he begins to protest, disobey some rules and may have hysterics. Distraction in this case may not work, so you can include punishment such as stopping the game or refusing to buy the desired toy.

Many parents want to know how to discipline a 5-year-old child correctly. It must be taken into account that from the age of three to five years the first types of punishment can be applied. After all, for a child of this age, the main rules and disciplinary methods are established. At this age, the child begins to be placed in a corner, and is also placed on a chair for those who have done wrong.

If a parent wants to know how to punish a child at 8 years old, then you need to take into account that corporal punishment should be abolished. If you leave corporal punishment, then a child at this age begins to feel humiliation from this method. Parents should have more conversations with their child and discuss certain actions. And you can also explain with examples the possible reasons for human behavior and develop empathy.

To know how to punish a child at the age of 10, you must remember that you cannot use direct duties (cleaning, homework) as a preventive measure. It is not recommended to compare a ten-year-old boy with other children, self-esteem will suffer from this, and good results will not work. There should be no witnesses during the punishment.

Even minor offenses require censure. If this is not done, then each time they will become larger and larger, and the child will be more and more difficult to stop.

To choose the right disciplinary measure for a teenager, it is necessary to take into account that adolescence young people are very sensitive to the opinions of other people, they are prone to going to extremes. For a teenager, you can apply such punishment as deprivation of privileges, as well as a reduction in the time of communication with friends.

It must be taken into account that a child should be punished for an intentional prohibited action. And the punishment must correspond to the gravity of the evil act. If he stole money, raised a hand against his sister or brother, or left home, then the consequences should be appropriate.

And also, before punishment, the motive for the offense should be clarified. Make sure that a serious act was carried out consciously and not by mistake or ignorance.

You cannot blame a child in the following cases:

Rules for correct punishment

The disciplinary measure also serves to ensure that the child understands his feelings and such situations do not repeat in the future. For greater effect, parents must follow certain rules:

You need to be consistent. Retribution is necessary for the same offenses. You can’t let a child’s waywardness take its course, even if the parent doesn’t have time to talk.
You cannot turn a blind eye to the severity of the offense. If this is the first violation of the rules or the child has indulged a little, then only a warning will follow. It is necessary to react strictly to intentional misconduct.
The duration of the consequences must have its own limits. The heir must always know when the punishment will end. Otherwise, he will lose the investigative connection between what happened and the punishment, which lasts, for example, three weeks.
Actions must be rational. To do this, the parent must first calm down and then think about the method of punishment.
The husband and wife must agree with each other in the choice of disciplinary action. Otherwise, manipulation may begin.
The child should have a positive example before his eyes. The child often adopts the behavior of the parents, so first of all they should be a model of the desired behavior.